The surprise trend for AW 09/10 will be:

• Fancy merkin details. Just because I smirk everytime I read, hear or say merkin.

• Over sized and decorated hoods. They won't turn inside out like my shitty umbrella if a bit of wind so much as looks at them.

• Fat black. It's about time 'black' stepped up to the fashion challenge. It's all been too easy, too long.

• Scorched looking prints. I reckon this option is credit-crunch-tastic! An old garment, some matches, an emergency bucket of water... You see where I'm going with this.