How do you answer your child when they ask if their birthparents loved them?

I think the bio parents do love the children. They made sure they were in a safe place. I would not talk to my child about this until they are older but the birth parents could have aborted...and they didn't. I know some believe in not painting a pretty picture. I think it's ok to assure them that they were loved...and to speak positively about them.

I know in my heart that it was with great pain my daughter's birth mothers left them. I believe she wrapped them carefully, kissed them, laid them down and watched hidden until they were found. I think it took courage for them to go thru with the pregnancy. I tell my daughters that on their birthday, of all days especially, their birth moms are thinking of them and holding them in their heart.... it was the best they could do.

I start by telling them "I don't know" and then go on to say "But, I believe they did love you because they gave birth to you and then put you in a place where you would be found quickly and taken care of. There were other options available to them, but they chose to give you life, so I believe they did love you."

While I start with "I don't know", I also tell my daughters that I think their birth parents would be really proud of them now and would be happy that they are in a family that loves them very much. As a parent, it is hard to believe that a child would not be loved, even if the bio parent was unable to successfully parent them at the time of their birth.

Knowing the many horrible stories that my child could find on the web when she is older, I think it's a disservice to tell her that her birth parents loved her when I'm not sure. I have told her that I don't know if her birth parents love her, but I know that many birth parents do love their children, but I don't know her birth parents or the reasons she ended up in an orphanage. We discuss many, though not all scenarios, due to her age. And I tell her that I know that God loves her and that He delighted in His creation when he thought her into existence. And that any problems in her birth parents' lives were not about her.

Knowing the many horrible stories that my child could find on the web when she is older, I think it's a disservice to tell her that her birth parents loved her when I'm not sure. I have told her that I don't know if her birth parents love her, but I know that many birth parents do love their children, but I don't know her birth parents or the reasons she ended up in an orphanage. We discuss many, though not all scenarios, due to her age. And I tell her that I know that God loves her and that He delighted in His creation when he thought her into existence. And that any problems in her birth parents' lives were not about her.

I tell my daughter that while we will never know for sure, all the signs point to the fact that she was loved by her birth-parents. They relinquished her at an older ager when her medical condition became evident, progressive and un-treatable in her poor, rural birthplace. She was left at a guarded gate at a busy university, so that she would be found immediately. Also her report states that she was brought in well cared for and that she cried incessantly for days for her mother, refusing to eat or sleep well. I tell her that for months before we ever saw her, I prayed that God would send just the right child to our family. And at the same time in China her mother also prayed that her daughter would be chosen and loved by just the right family...and that God heard and answered both her mother's prayers.

I say a combo of the first 2. That: your parents had to love you so much, that they chose to do the most difficult thing for themselves, and sacrificed their own to desire to raise you in order to give you a chance at life. That they chose a protected place and may have stood by waiting and watching to be sure that you went to a safe place that could provide all the needs you had. I will say much more when she is older. but I think this lays a foundation for her to understand that her parents found it absolute imperatively to her life and safety that she be left for adoption.

I have three children from China, ages 17, 8 & 5. We talk often about all my children's birth parents. My husband and I always say, "We don't know." When it comes to answers regarding their parents we don't know anything. We remind all of them of their wonderful talents and personalities that each of them brings to this world and that undoubtedly their birth parents would be so proud of them. But the fact is that we have NO information. I can not tell my children something that I don't know is true or not.

Thought I would chime in a little late. I usually try to gain insight from the Bible about these things. I know that we are not all of the same faith but thought I would share for anyone who cares to read on. My little one is too young to understand but I plan to tell her that her mother has not forgotten her. That it is close to impossible that she did not love her because God created mothers with a deep connection to their children. Now mothers don't always make good choices or know how to love well but one thing is absolutely certain... God loves you and will never forget you. All of this based on the verses below... Isaiah 49: 15 ... Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! 16 See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.