You have some good stuff going, but I stumbled over the mnemonic abbreviations. I had to stop to think, "Why R & D?" and, "What is TE?" After thinking about them, it became obvious. But for me, the damage was done.
The good stuff: I was drawn in by the 'down home' language. For example '...that, my friends, is why...' and '... , she’s still smokin’ ...'
The other good stuff: The neat questions. Why does she disappear? Why does Stew Singleton's log have to stay underground?
Nearly there for me, but the the small rough edges made me anticipate more rough edges, so I opted out.
On the first 16, you had me up until 'temporal displacement plasma accelerator'. I may be too picky, but this lengthy phrase spoiled it. I like the 'temporal displacement' part. It suggests some intriguing bit of technology well into the speculative realm. But I got hung up on the shear bulk of the device name.
I liked that his approaching death was compared to a warm blanket. The poignancy of his goodbye, the utter fatigue, the possible impending disaster, the tiny hint that he might survive --it might work this time. All that drew me in. I was hooked. But, I stumbled and fell flat over the 'temporal displacement plasma accelerator'.
Kathy,
For the prologue, I was on the fence.
You have some good stuff going, but I stumbled over the mnemonic abbreviations. I had to stop to think, "Why R & D?" and, "What is TE?" After thinking about them, it became obvious. But for me, the damage was done.
The good stuff: I was drawn in by the 'down home' language. For example '...that, my friends, is why...' and '... , she’s still smokin’ ...'
The other good stuff: The neat questions. Why does she disappear? Why does Stew Singleton's log have to stay underground?
Nearly there for me, but the the small rough edges made me anticipate more rough edges, so I opted out.
On the first 16, you had me up until 'temporal displacement plasma accelerator'. I may be too picky, but this lengthy phrase spoiled it. I like the 'temporal displacement' part. It suggests some intriguing bit of technology well into the speculative realm. But I got hung up on the shear bulk of the device name.
I liked that his approaching death was compared to a warm blanket. The poignancy of his goodbye, the utter fatigue, the possible impending disaster, the tiny hint that he might survive --it might work this time. All that drew me in. I was hooked. But, I stumbled and fell flat over the 'temporal displacement plasma accelerator'.
Close, but no banana.
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