Fortunately long past dating days - 35th wedding anniversary yesterday! But I do have a 20year old son who has no income beyond his student loans and what I give him. It makes me cross when I see him spending what little money he has on a girl and her making little or no contribution. I don't expect both to be able to make equal financial contributions, but I do expect to see equality - and if I would hate to be a bought woman!
Scandellish - 13 years ago
I think it depends on the circumstances. If a guy asks a girl to attend an activity or place that the girl had no intention of attending or even known about then the guy should foot the bill. That's just common sense. Still, when the situation is flipped and the girl asks the guy to attend something the same gesture is not always extended. The old 'hard wiring' that men are supposed to pay kicks in.
As Will says here, things have changed in the landscape of breadwinning, especially in the black community. Women have just as much $ as men and in many cases even more. The old concept of dating has worn on men and we no longer feel it is necessary to 'pay for someone's attention.' Hell, most of the time we are interested in the person but we don't necessarily know them enough to truly say that we like them or not. With this said, the best approach is to keep it simple in the beginning. Guys we can pay for dates but do your internet research first to find different, clever and cost-efficient things to do. Focus on venues where you and your date are able to converse and enjoy each other's company (or not) while relaxing having fun (isn't that the purpose of dating?).
I typically use the first opportunity or two to simply meet a person at a location (as opposed to picking them up). I'll say 'hey I'm going to ___ this evening, you should stop by and have a drink with me.' If they come then they are definitely interested and it's up to you to decide if you are interested enough to pay. If they don't show, then of course you know what's up immediately.
Lastly fellas, don't buy into the theory that 'if he doesn't pay for me, then he simply isn't committed enough or not a man' BS...turn that upside down and say 'if she needs me to pay to validate me (or herself), then she probably isn't into me very much, she's just looking for something to do.' Save your time, money and energy for someone who's truly willing to share.
Fortunately long past dating days - 35th wedding anniversary yesterday! But I do have a 20year old son who has no income beyond his student loans and what I give him. It makes me cross when I see him spending what little money he has on a girl and her making little or no contribution. I don't expect both to be able to make equal financial contributions, but I do expect to see equality - and if I would hate to be a bought woman!
I think it depends on the circumstances. If a guy asks a girl to attend an activity or place that the girl had no intention of attending or even known about then the guy should foot the bill. That's just common sense. Still, when the situation is flipped and the girl asks the guy to attend something the same gesture is not always extended. The old 'hard wiring' that men are supposed to pay kicks in.
As Will says here, things have changed in the landscape of breadwinning, especially in the black community. Women have just as much $ as men and in many cases even more. The old concept of dating has worn on men and we no longer feel it is necessary to 'pay for someone's attention.' Hell, most of the time we are interested in the person but we don't necessarily know them enough to truly say that we like them or not. With this said, the best approach is to keep it simple in the beginning. Guys we can pay for dates but do your internet research first to find different, clever and cost-efficient things to do. Focus on venues where you and your date are able to converse and enjoy each other's company (or not) while relaxing having fun (isn't that the purpose of dating?).
I typically use the first opportunity or two to simply meet a person at a location (as opposed to picking them up). I'll say 'hey I'm going to ___ this evening, you should stop by and have a drink with me.' If they come then they are definitely interested and it's up to you to decide if you are interested enough to pay. If they don't show, then of course you know what's up immediately.
Lastly fellas, don't buy into the theory that 'if he doesn't pay for me, then he simply isn't committed enough or not a man' BS...turn that upside down and say 'if she needs me to pay to validate me (or herself), then she probably isn't into me very much, she's just looking for something to do.' Save your time, money and energy for someone who's truly willing to share.
My two cents....love the blog pretty lady.