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Posted 9 months ago.
See this poll on: http://smalley.cc/poll-has-your-relationship-improved-from-yo…
My wife and I have been married for 26 years. About 5 years ago I started to learn a lot about the bible from a small church here in Edmonton Alberta. I have since learned about many topics that I have used in our marriage. They include: Forgiveness, Laydown, Praise and Worship and the proper use thereof, The power of words, Proper prayer (instead of begging and whining), Unconditional love, Seeing people the way they will be in Jesus, etc. Sum total: I am a very happily married man of 50 with a beautiful wife and five wonderful children. I now work mostly from home and host a radio show dealing with life's issues. Blessings to you all in your very important and God ordained work. Colin Bishop ('Paul Anderson' on air).
Living with a passive-aggressive husband for twenty years, educating myself about relationships and marriage, and trying everything I could, I gave up. I went into therapy, and I was told that either he would not change or he would change verrrrrrrry slowly. He went into therapy, whereupon the therapist gave up. So, 23 years later, I am so sorry the marriage had to end; but I am happy. We are still caring, but both have moved on. We still love each other, but I am no longer willing to "put up with it." I said the horse was in shreds from my trying to make the marriage work. Yes, it can survive with only one doing all the work; but you have to accept the fact that this is as good as it is going to be. A passive-aggressisve person gives you what you don't want and makes sure you never get what you want. It is a lonely marriage. God has directed my path to a more enriching life. I am still growing; he has not.
I will never forget the day God showed me that I cannot fix my mate. I can only change myself. We have faced some deep heartache over the course of our 25 years of marriage. God has miraculously helped us both to discover that personal growth and change can bring about the intimacy of relationship that we all long for. Thank you to the Smalleys and other ministers who keep "speaking the truth in love".
I never would have thought it possible to save a marriage when one spouse wants to and the other has no interest whatsoever. My husband wanted out, and was only waiting for the "appropriate" time to tell the kids. He would say incredibly mean and hurtful things to me on a daily basis. During this time, God brought "The DNA of Relationships" book into my life. With God's help in utilizing the power of one, I was able to respond lovingly to my husband's cruel comments. For five months that seemed like five lifetimes, I saw absolutely no change. I would cry myself to sleep every night and cry on my way home from work each day, but with God's help, I was able to pin a smile on my face when I walked through the door at home. Then miraculously, everything changed in ONE day! My months of perseverance paid off! I am so blessed with a wonderful husband and wonderful marriage! My advice to others is to hang in there! Don't give up! ANYTHING is possible with God! And THANK YOU Smalleys for allowing God to use you in such an important and powerful way!!!
As the Christian in the relationship, I have tried to love and reach out to my husband to no avail. I think it's important to note that abuse is not the only reason it may not work. If a person had an unloving relationship with one or both of his/her parents and saw THEM have an unhealthy relationship, they may not know HOW to love. If they have been rejected several times, they may have a hard time trusting enough to LET themselves love. Some people simply close themselves off from the world, determined not to be hurt again. People who do this become very self-centered and their world revolves around them only. After 6, 8, 10 years of living with someone with issues like this, even as a Christian, you can fall out of love and give up hope.
Early on in our relationship we decided to attempt to out do each other, my agreement was to make the living, while Tammy's was to make the living worthwhile, now 33 years later it just keeps getting better. We are looking forward to the end result, let's see just how good this can be, commitment without limits seems to generate an environment of growth beyond imagination.