How can US Presidential Candidates win the remaining 10 "swing states"? (poll 6455224)

How can US Presidential Candidates win the remaining 10 "swing states"?

Colorado: Pledge to have yourself assassinated by a troubled loner the minute you're elected

Florida: Find a homeless guy that looks like Castro and pay him $20 to just kick the shit out of him

Iowa: Zoom in on the cutest baby in the crowd, impale it on a stick, and deep-fry it

Michigan: "I'mma build y'all a Thunderdome"

Nevada: Prove you're a regular working Joe by spending one night on Dead Hooker Detail

New Hampshire: Promise to toughen immigration laws on Libertarians

North Carolina: Just remember not to refer to the Panthers as an arena football team

Ohio: Don't use exaggerated finger quotes when referring to Cleveland as the "Rock and Roll Capital of the World"

Virginia: Promise to leave the bedroom curtains open at night, if you know what I'm sayin'

Wisconsin: Reaffirm the traditional definition of marriage as one man, one cow

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