Why did David Petraeus Really Resign?
Getting caught sneaking around means you can't be director of the Central Not-Getting-Caught-Sneaking-Around Agency. (What, you thought "CIA" was their real acronym?)
Took a clear, hard look at the CIA's targeted-killing policy, realized that his work was destroying innocent lives, and decided resignation was the only moral option, but wanted to look like a baller.
Extramarital affair was with Taylor Swift, and he wanted to get out in front of the scandal before she releases her new single, "You Broke My Under Cover Heart."
Extramarital affair was with Taylor Lautner, and resignation is an attempt to protect Langley from being stormed and burned to the ground by vindictive members of Team Edward.
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