I voted no because of the sentence structure and some confusion in understanding what exactly was happening and what you were describing.
Sntnc 1 could be broken up into two, starting second with : "... From her perch ..."
This passage confused me: "She wondered if they could see his insides past his guts in the dirt. She could, long ago before she cast her instincts aside and fell to follow. "
Your second paragraph had good voice (as did the first) but raised many questions more of the 'what is she talking about" type, rather than the "what's going to happen next?" type (the good kind of questions)
Kudos for getting to the compelling reason to turn the page at the end of the submission. Had the first two pgphs been more compelling and less confusing, I'd have turned the page in a heartbeat.
I voted no because of the sentence structure and some confusion in understanding what exactly was happening and what you were describing.
Sntnc 1 could be broken up into two, starting second with : "... From her perch ..."
This passage confused me: "She wondered if they could see his insides past his guts in the dirt. She could, long ago before she cast her instincts aside and fell to follow. "
Your second paragraph had good voice (as did the first) but raised many questions more of the 'what is she talking about" type, rather than the "what's going to happen next?" type (the good kind of questions)
Kudos for getting to the compelling reason to turn the page at the end of the submission. Had the first two pgphs been more compelling and less confusing, I'd have turned the page in a heartbeat.