Which George Carlin Quote is your favorite?

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

• When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

• Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

• What if there were no hypothetical questions?

• Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

• When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

• Electricity is really just organized lightning.

• When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

• Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

• Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

• Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

• Other: