Practice Manager Job Description From Hell
Duties: Do all the stuff I hate to do. You can start with talking to Ellen about her tardiness. Ellen has been working for me for 3 years and she’s really great, but she’s always late. Stay on top of her and make sure that she punches in on time from now on.
Authority: When I want you to have it, you can have it. For example, when you talk to Ellen about her tardiness and she starts to cry, she’s going to come to my office and start badgering me about how awful you are. I hope it’s okay with you that I agree with her just to keep the peace. Nothing personal; I hate conflict.
Labor Law Compliance: Once you finally write Ellen up for being late (and honestly, I think that’s what it’s going to have to come down to), she’s probably going to accuse you of harassment. Harassment is against company policy, so I’ll have to write you up. Again, nothing personal.
Performance: Don’t fail. Once, my previous practice manager tried to fix our website and screwed it all up. Took her three weeks to figure it out. God that bugged me. If you’re going to try something new here, make sure you get it right.
Visionary: I love my practice. I’ve owned it for 20 years. Come up with a plan for what I should do with it. I’m sure I’ll love it. I think.
Build a strong veterinary care team: And you can start off by making sure that everybody starts following these protocols that I outlined. To date, no one has been doing any of them, because they know they can just ‘yes’ me to death, then do what they want when my back is turned.
Standard of Care: Get these associates on the same page with my medicine. I feel like I’m running a different practice with every doctor. Wait till you meet them. They’re impossible!
Meetings: Are you a big meeting person? I hate meetings. All these people ever do at them is eat the pizza and stare at me. So if you want to have them, you’re on your own. Just make sure that you leave the phones on and the door open.
Reviews: Every year, I want you to review all the team members and try to get them to understand why I don’t want to give them any more money. Now you’re supposed to get a review every year so I can justify not giving you a raise, but the good news is, I typically handle this by skipping your review entirely. My last practice manager didn’t have one the entire time she was here!
Hire Great People: That reminds me, my wife’s sister is having trouble with her husband…long story. Here’s her resume. I think she told me she wants to work Thursdays and Fridays, but she’s got to be out of here by 4 to pick her kids up. Wait till you get a load of her!
Mission. Can’t we have one? Seems like everyone else has one. Write one up and put in the lobby so the clients can see it. Make a sign and stick it in the lobby next to the ones about no cell phones and paying your bill on time.
Positive Attitude. Be upbeat. You’ve met the team. You can see how negative they are. I need you to be a cheerleader and keep everyone happy.
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