Which of these tweets do you find the most amusing?
When you kill for Me it makes me feel like you don’t think I can kill for Myself, and that makes Me sad..... @TheTweetofGod
Looks like I'm first in line at @hotdougs today. Very excited.... @Phil_Rosenthal
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart...@msDaniFernandez
Drinking coffee and listening to Bon Iver is a zero-sum game.... Matthew Baldwin
Sorry I taught your three-year-old to yell, "How is that not a balk?" on every pitch..... @biorhythmist
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.... @donni
When my phone rings I react like a terrorized '70s babysitter... @djrotaryrachel
The two types of people are the ones who know what I'm saying and people who don't know what I'm saying. That's why I always ask..... @andrewti
Hate to break it to you Yogi, but half of all bears are smarter than the average bear.... @shutupmikeginn
Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am..... @jakob_huber
"Son you're just not cut out to be a mime." "Is it something I said?" "Yes." .... @tommytoughstuff
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