It's been more than a handful of years, since I've been no contact estranged from my narco-fam-damily. Yet I still get the random pop up intrusion from the so called friend / acquaintance level flying monkeys. It's taken me quite a while to no longer react to these triggering third party interactions. Now, I focus on my breathing, center myself and take as long as I need to either impassively non respond and / or get up and leave the interaction. It's truly amazing to take your power back by successfully navigating the impassive nonresponse, and their facial expression remains frozen in a fight ready frustrated disappointment as yours remains calmly passive. Yeah, this takes practice, which they give us all too frequently.
Eeaychhkk! - 2 years ago
It's been more than a handful of years, since I've been no contact estranged from my narco-fam-damily. Yet I still get the random pop up intrusion from the so called friend / acquaintance level flying monkeys. It's taken me quite a while to no longer react to these triggering third party interactions. Now, I focus on my breathing, center myself and take as long as I need to either impassively non respond and / or get up and leave the interaction. It's truly amazing to take your power back by successfully navigating the impassive nonresponse, and their facial expression remains frozen in a fight ready frustrated disappointment as yours remains calmly passive. Yeah, this takes practice, which they give us all too frequently.
Theresa - 9 years ago
Hurt people hurt people.
Narcissistical people DESTROY people. (from the inside)
A DSM Category all wrapped up in a physical being; don't become their target. Just run fast & far & for Gods sake if you want your mind back do the "no contact" FOREVER!
Babs - 9 years ago
Julie:
Isn't the work world wonderful? We get to work among sociopaths and narcissists...just dandy, isn't it? I have a sense of humor that I have put to good use, but unfortunately the 'paths' and 'sists' out there have 'forked tongues' and can disable us behind our backs.
I have left more than one job due to one of these evil creatures. Usually for a better job. And any 'top notch' company or other work environment that has any kind of enlightenment going for it will not tolerate such individuals ... I can attest to that.
So find a place where you shine and others see the 'truth' as it is. And watch the evildoer get the 'shaft'...it surely will catch up to them.
Babs
Babs - 9 years ago
Mandy
I do feel for you as I was in the exact situation. Then I got older and my perspective on things changed, and yours will too. Time does heal some things (although I don't believe that it heals 'all wounds', this is not correct and just another 'old wives' tale').
Give things time. Others (some of them) will see her the way she really is, and I can attest to this because certain fellow classmates (high school) broached the subject with me and they did 'get it'. Much to my surprise...but there will always be others who see YOU as the culprit. As you mature, this will not bother you...in fact you can laugh at these ignoramuses, which is what they are. They will never understand, but do you need them to? Of course not.
As an old boyfriend once told me, "Don't give a flying f____' what others think. And you will start to feel free."
judyann - 9 years ago
can you share some of the other comments?
Jaime Hebner - 9 years ago
This was for just a second hard to answer I wanted to say revenge but then thoyght me being healed is REVENGE its the best revenge in a narcissist eyes cause they Newberry want u to heal from the pain they've caused revenge is not revenge if ur still hurting
mandy white - 9 years ago
ive had a friend for 7 years well atleast i thought she was a friend, shes made me lose every other friend i had as if i spoke to someone else she would fall out with me, im self concious of myself to the point i dont wanna go out anymore anywere even my shopping i now do online. My children are also suffering beacause of this because they too are also stuck in 24/7. Im on antidepressants and been to cognitive therapy but nothing is working its only recently ive done my research and realised what she is, i do feel a bit better and actually took my kids out today so feeling proud of myself but also stupid that i could have fell for all her manipilation, fakeness and lies and even when i new she was talking about my i kept quiet because i didnt want to lose her friendship, i thought she was amazing like everyone else who doesnt no her, but again recently ive not been able to keep quiet and ive burst her little bubble, shes not happy obvioulsy this perfectly cant do no wrong slapper gggrrrr im so pissed off im full of anger and rage i still want revenge for everythin she has done to me i have lost everyone an she is loved by everyone so when i reveal who she really is im goin to look like the jealous ex friend which will send me loopy i feel like smashin her face it ive got this feelin inside me eating me up day in day out because i have no one to talk to about it, JUST WRITING THIS AND KNOWING ITS OUT THERE BY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND IS MAKING ME FEEL BETTER. feel so sorry for the children of these people devil in disguise is a understatement.... how do we get some one to believe were not crazy ??? and what do you do to get revenge in this situation beacuse i cant just leave it :(
Sara - 9 years ago
I am in the revenge stage - so hurt and angry. 3 years of abuse - I am finally strong enough to be done. It's taken Therapy, Anti -depressants, exercise, and sheer will. I hope I can let the revenge go and just heal…..
Not there yet.
shake it off - 9 years ago
I hear ya @Julie! I would like REVENGE because I know it's wrong, but if it were an IDEAL situation, and I truly could have ANYTHING I wanted, then in a perfect world, yes. I would like to see him suffer the way he made me and my child suffer.
I don't like to live with hatred and resentment in my heart and soul, so of course I don't really want revenge. But if it could happen, sure, it would be "he who laughs last, laughs best" sort of thing. :)
julie cook - 9 years ago
Resources which encourage one to go no contact and stay no contact. The longest I have gone is two weeks. Due to the fact I work in a public establishment and he comes in. I am working on getting a different job so that he will not be able to just come on in but this takes time. I read a quote, Sometimes you have to play the fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you. This is where I am at. Strategically making a plan while simultaneously deep down hoping things will change in the meantime. Crazy. I must be really crazy!
Sally - 9 years ago
I know exactly what you are saying Betsy! Right there with you!
It's been more than a handful of years, since I've been no contact estranged from my narco-fam-damily. Yet I still get the random pop up intrusion from the so called friend / acquaintance level flying monkeys. It's taken me quite a while to no longer react to these triggering third party interactions. Now, I focus on my breathing, center myself and take as long as I need to either impassively non respond and / or get up and leave the interaction. It's truly amazing to take your power back by successfully navigating the impassive nonresponse, and their facial expression remains frozen in a fight ready frustrated disappointment as yours remains calmly passive. Yeah, this takes practice, which they give us all too frequently.
It's been more than a handful of years, since I've been no contact estranged from my narco-fam-damily. Yet I still get the random pop up intrusion from the so called friend / acquaintance level flying monkeys. It's taken me quite a while to no longer react to these triggering third party interactions. Now, I focus on my breathing, center myself and take as long as I need to either impassively non respond and / or get up and leave the interaction. It's truly amazing to take your power back by successfully navigating the impassive nonresponse, and their facial expression remains frozen in a fight ready frustrated disappointment as yours remains calmly passive. Yeah, this takes practice, which they give us all too frequently.
Hurt people hurt people.
Narcissistical people DESTROY people. (from the inside)
A DSM Category all wrapped up in a physical being; don't become their target. Just run fast & far & for Gods sake if you want your mind back do the "no contact" FOREVER!
Julie:
Isn't the work world wonderful? We get to work among sociopaths and narcissists...just dandy, isn't it? I have a sense of humor that I have put to good use, but unfortunately the 'paths' and 'sists' out there have 'forked tongues' and can disable us behind our backs.
I have left more than one job due to one of these evil creatures. Usually for a better job. And any 'top notch' company or other work environment that has any kind of enlightenment going for it will not tolerate such individuals ... I can attest to that.
So find a place where you shine and others see the 'truth' as it is. And watch the evildoer get the 'shaft'...it surely will catch up to them.
Babs
Mandy
I do feel for you as I was in the exact situation. Then I got older and my perspective on things changed, and yours will too. Time does heal some things (although I don't believe that it heals 'all wounds', this is not correct and just another 'old wives' tale').
Give things time. Others (some of them) will see her the way she really is, and I can attest to this because certain fellow classmates (high school) broached the subject with me and they did 'get it'. Much to my surprise...but there will always be others who see YOU as the culprit. As you mature, this will not bother you...in fact you can laugh at these ignoramuses, which is what they are. They will never understand, but do you need them to? Of course not.
As an old boyfriend once told me, "Don't give a flying f____' what others think. And you will start to feel free."
can you share some of the other comments?
This was for just a second hard to answer I wanted to say revenge but then thoyght me being healed is REVENGE its the best revenge in a narcissist eyes cause they Newberry want u to heal from the pain they've caused revenge is not revenge if ur still hurting
ive had a friend for 7 years well atleast i thought she was a friend, shes made me lose every other friend i had as if i spoke to someone else she would fall out with me, im self concious of myself to the point i dont wanna go out anymore anywere even my shopping i now do online. My children are also suffering beacause of this because they too are also stuck in 24/7. Im on antidepressants and been to cognitive therapy but nothing is working its only recently ive done my research and realised what she is, i do feel a bit better and actually took my kids out today so feeling proud of myself but also stupid that i could have fell for all her manipilation, fakeness and lies and even when i new she was talking about my i kept quiet because i didnt want to lose her friendship, i thought she was amazing like everyone else who doesnt no her, but again recently ive not been able to keep quiet and ive burst her little bubble, shes not happy obvioulsy this perfectly cant do no wrong slapper gggrrrr im so pissed off im full of anger and rage i still want revenge for everythin she has done to me i have lost everyone an she is loved by everyone so when i reveal who she really is im goin to look like the jealous ex friend which will send me loopy i feel like smashin her face it ive got this feelin inside me eating me up day in day out because i have no one to talk to about it, JUST WRITING THIS AND KNOWING ITS OUT THERE BY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND IS MAKING ME FEEL BETTER. feel so sorry for the children of these people devil in disguise is a understatement.... how do we get some one to believe were not crazy ??? and what do you do to get revenge in this situation beacuse i cant just leave it :(
I am in the revenge stage - so hurt and angry. 3 years of abuse - I am finally strong enough to be done. It's taken Therapy, Anti -depressants, exercise, and sheer will. I hope I can let the revenge go and just heal…..
Not there yet.
I hear ya @Julie! I would like REVENGE because I know it's wrong, but if it were an IDEAL situation, and I truly could have ANYTHING I wanted, then in a perfect world, yes. I would like to see him suffer the way he made me and my child suffer.
I don't like to live with hatred and resentment in my heart and soul, so of course I don't really want revenge. But if it could happen, sure, it would be "he who laughs last, laughs best" sort of thing. :)
Resources which encourage one to go no contact and stay no contact. The longest I have gone is two weeks. Due to the fact I work in a public establishment and he comes in. I am working on getting a different job so that he will not be able to just come on in but this takes time. I read a quote, Sometimes you have to play the fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you. This is where I am at. Strategically making a plan while simultaneously deep down hoping things will change in the meantime. Crazy. I must be really crazy!
I know exactly what you are saying Betsy! Right there with you!
FOR PEOPLE TO HEAR ME AND BELIEVE ME!!!