Both sets of parents should realize that there will be a visible difference between any children they may produce and their grandparents. That influences the decision-making, just as with the half-Hindu couple discussed in Seesaw a few weeks ago. I doubt that the Chinese grandparents are as concerned as the Jewish ones, as they will see the child/children as more Chinese and they perceive that as a threat. This is a gut issue to parents of intermarrieds. I have been intermarried for over 40 years (but with a Caucasian) and both sets of parents left us alone, never mentioned a single word, and we were married by a judge who was a friend of my family. Neither family was very religious (you can't be too Jewish coming from the only family in a small town in the deep south with no synagogue or rabbi for miles around). Now, we live in Europe. We have always had a humanist home, ethics not dogma. We do volunteer work during holidays - I love spending the Christmas Eve shift at our local cat shelter. Feeding the babes a meal of poached fish instead of the usual crunchies does not offend my non-religious sensibilities, and I have prepared people food for thousands of homeless over the years. Our grandchildren are doing well, thank you. They are in kindergarten and school and still have no idea who Jesus or Moses were, and their mother and we like it that way. They are good people and do not pass judgment. When we drive past elaborate churches, they call them castles. For lack of any other role models (which the couple probably do not need, but the husband's parents do) one might look at the most powerful Chinese-Jewish couple in the US - Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan. They seem to be doing fine.
Elliott Magalnick - 9 years ago
The questions and comments about raising future children are difficult to encounter and difficult to formulate so early "in the game". If they had to prepare a pre-nuptual agreement at this point in their relationship then this topic would likely be included and dealt with sooner than later. Even without a pre-nupt this is something they should discuss and write out so that if one changes their mind down the road it can be seen that there was a change of opinion and a need to explain the changes.
Both sets of parents should realize that there will be a visible difference between any children they may produce and their grandparents. That influences the decision-making, just as with the half-Hindu couple discussed in Seesaw a few weeks ago. I doubt that the Chinese grandparents are as concerned as the Jewish ones, as they will see the child/children as more Chinese and they perceive that as a threat. This is a gut issue to parents of intermarrieds. I have been intermarried for over 40 years (but with a Caucasian) and both sets of parents left us alone, never mentioned a single word, and we were married by a judge who was a friend of my family. Neither family was very religious (you can't be too Jewish coming from the only family in a small town in the deep south with no synagogue or rabbi for miles around). Now, we live in Europe. We have always had a humanist home, ethics not dogma. We do volunteer work during holidays - I love spending the Christmas Eve shift at our local cat shelter. Feeding the babes a meal of poached fish instead of the usual crunchies does not offend my non-religious sensibilities, and I have prepared people food for thousands of homeless over the years. Our grandchildren are doing well, thank you. They are in kindergarten and school and still have no idea who Jesus or Moses were, and their mother and we like it that way. They are good people and do not pass judgment. When we drive past elaborate churches, they call them castles. For lack of any other role models (which the couple probably do not need, but the husband's parents do) one might look at the most powerful Chinese-Jewish couple in the US - Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan. They seem to be doing fine.
The questions and comments about raising future children are difficult to encounter and difficult to formulate so early "in the game". If they had to prepare a pre-nuptual agreement at this point in their relationship then this topic would likely be included and dealt with sooner than later. Even without a pre-nupt this is something they should discuss and write out so that if one changes their mind down the road it can be seen that there was a change of opinion and a need to explain the changes.