Tell him immediately that I know about the affair, and that he was involved with Clara years ago, but has kept it from me for the duration of our marriage. Insist that we stay in Singapore and that I move to another house on Emerald Hill Road (if I can't stay put), but that he exits tout de suite to some flea pit with his nasty flea.

Wait until we go back to London, whilst continuing to pretend that I don't know. Tell everyone at his London office that Don has been engaging in good old fashioned Nick Leeson stylee fraud, to support his penchants for transgender (I will make sure to specify pre-op of course) prostitutes and online gambling.

Get some lice (how hard can that be?), and place a herd of them in Don's nether regions while he's sleeping.

Have all his shirts altered around the waist to make him think that his belly is getting as big as his ego.

Spike his morning coffee with huge quantities of Viagra so that he can be upstanding throughout his workday.

Tell Max and Milly he's not their real father and has only pretended to be for a bet.

Other: