NYT could have used better language yet there is truth in what they said. It is accurate to say that someone in their 80's is in the last stage of their life. That's the language I prefer. It doesn't give judgement or value to how one lives that last stage. It keeps that open to a wide range of experiences from energetic to Alzheimer's. I think it is "age positive" language. It gives a reality and poignancy to what life is about at that stage. We know the developmental challenges, innocence and expansiveness in our first stage of life as children. We need the same type of vision for our last stage. I imagine that the Dali Llama has a different focus and questions for himself (especially succession) at this stage of his life. I'll be 60 this year. Our son just turned 21. I find myself more focused on "how do I want to live these years" as my priorities are changing. I see my son and relish our conversations as he grapples with this "adult-making" stage of his life. I've spent 8 years as a dementia care partner to my parents and my in-laws. I see another possible 8-10 years in this role. There is still joy, love, challenges and growth for all of us in this "last stage" for my family members in their 80s and 90s. But, I'm not going to "candy coat" that this isn't a different stage of live. And that all of our years are limited. It seems necessary to me to be able to articulate that our "last stage" is different, and how it is different, and not expect us to be seen the same as any other time in life. How else will those coming next know what lays ahead?
Deborah Drucker - 8 years ago
I agree with the first two commenters. I had a hard time voting on the poll as well. I picked the answer that the NYT should have used different language but I thought that was a wimpy answer. They should had not used any language that would even hint at the same point. This reminds me of micro-aggressions. Do I have that term right? The constant ageism that older people are exposed to.
Donna Weispfenning - 8 years ago
I hesitated to vote because all three choices fail to change the paradigm. All presume death is appropriate in the discussion. But why is the potency of our existence measured in physical terms as we age? Is it not gross to talk about the elderly at the end of life? Life is fragile and death, the end of personal vitality, may come unexpectedly at any age from catastrophic physical events. Isn't commenting on someone else's upcoming demise, especially if they are still alive (and sharing in the prosperity the Times granting an interview) just rude? Isn't it fair game for us to expect to have information on the reporter's life expectancy, as well. Would our perception of her/his writing be devalued if we could predict s/he would die soon? That reversal would seem goofy. Like all of us, the elderly deserve to be valued, heard, recognized, included and respected for contributing to the great stream of life. Let's encounter each other within that framework.
Nina Tepedino - 8 years ago
Norman Lear is writing words that our thirty...forty....fifty generation needs to hear. Our elder wisdom is being threatened and belittled everyday by a culture obsessed with what they think it is like to be an elder.....to be 83 (me)....to be 93.......to be discounted and prophesized as one with a limited life span. I meet it every day in the looks of faces......in the tones of voices......in the actions of their bodies......It even influences the quality of long time friendships with people of a younger age. They are visibly pulling back from the intensity......the possibility of having to say good bye or losing you.......Their concept of aging and elderhood is troubling, cruel and very misplaced. Their language demeaning and challenging. I too, need to respond with a loud voice of dissent. I don't expect to wish for a subscription to the NYT anytime soon or ever. Thank you Mr. Lear. There is also a fear afoot that speaks a dangerous reluctance to be put in the position of caretaker, compainion or the giver of love by children for their again parents. The lack of resoect is blatant and is destroying the respect and honoring for our elders. It relegates them to obscurity and loneliness. Make sure you read...BEING MORTAL by Atul Gawande
NYT could have used better language yet there is truth in what they said. It is accurate to say that someone in their 80's is in the last stage of their life. That's the language I prefer. It doesn't give judgement or value to how one lives that last stage. It keeps that open to a wide range of experiences from energetic to Alzheimer's. I think it is "age positive" language. It gives a reality and poignancy to what life is about at that stage. We know the developmental challenges, innocence and expansiveness in our first stage of life as children. We need the same type of vision for our last stage. I imagine that the Dali Llama has a different focus and questions for himself (especially succession) at this stage of his life. I'll be 60 this year. Our son just turned 21. I find myself more focused on "how do I want to live these years" as my priorities are changing. I see my son and relish our conversations as he grapples with this "adult-making" stage of his life. I've spent 8 years as a dementia care partner to my parents and my in-laws. I see another possible 8-10 years in this role. There is still joy, love, challenges and growth for all of us in this "last stage" for my family members in their 80s and 90s. But, I'm not going to "candy coat" that this isn't a different stage of live. And that all of our years are limited. It seems necessary to me to be able to articulate that our "last stage" is different, and how it is different, and not expect us to be seen the same as any other time in life. How else will those coming next know what lays ahead?
I agree with the first two commenters. I had a hard time voting on the poll as well. I picked the answer that the NYT should have used different language but I thought that was a wimpy answer. They should had not used any language that would even hint at the same point. This reminds me of micro-aggressions. Do I have that term right? The constant ageism that older people are exposed to.
I hesitated to vote because all three choices fail to change the paradigm. All presume death is appropriate in the discussion. But why is the potency of our existence measured in physical terms as we age? Is it not gross to talk about the elderly at the end of life? Life is fragile and death, the end of personal vitality, may come unexpectedly at any age from catastrophic physical events. Isn't commenting on someone else's upcoming demise, especially if they are still alive (and sharing in the prosperity the Times granting an interview) just rude? Isn't it fair game for us to expect to have information on the reporter's life expectancy, as well. Would our perception of her/his writing be devalued if we could predict s/he would die soon? That reversal would seem goofy. Like all of us, the elderly deserve to be valued, heard, recognized, included and respected for contributing to the great stream of life. Let's encounter each other within that framework.
Norman Lear is writing words that our thirty...forty....fifty generation needs to hear. Our elder wisdom is being threatened and belittled everyday by a culture obsessed with what they think it is like to be an elder.....to be 83 (me)....to be 93.......to be discounted and prophesized as one with a limited life span. I meet it every day in the looks of faces......in the tones of voices......in the actions of their bodies......It even influences the quality of long time friendships with people of a younger age. They are visibly pulling back from the intensity......the possibility of having to say good bye or losing you.......Their concept of aging and elderhood is troubling, cruel and very misplaced. Their language demeaning and challenging. I too, need to respond with a loud voice of dissent. I don't expect to wish for a subscription to the NYT anytime soon or ever. Thank you Mr. Lear. There is also a fear afoot that speaks a dangerous reluctance to be put in the position of caretaker, compainion or the giver of love by children for their again parents. The lack of resoect is blatant and is destroying the respect and honoring for our elders. It relegates them to obscurity and loneliness. Make sure you read...BEING MORTAL by Atul Gawande