Who Will You Be Voting for on Tuesday?
A. What, this is a joke, right? What part of NOT VOTING don't you understand? There are no good options, except tuning into the continuing coverage of the NBA finals.
B. Uh, let's see. I'll try to make this easy for you, liberal media. I'm a patriot - do you know what that is - and I want to make America great again - do you, in your slovenly, dilapidated state understand that concept -so that would mean... wait for it... I'm voting for Donald TRUMP!
C. I'm a HUGE Bill Clinton fan, and believe he was one of our great presidents - and truly charming. Email server scandal notwithstanding, he will help guide his wife to a reasonable facsimile of bureaucratic competence. So I'm voting for Bill (er, Hillary) Clinton.
D. I'm terrified for the country with Trump on the horizon and so I'm pulling the lever for Hillary Clinton.
E. Come on, guys. Get a life. What's there really not to like about smart and ambitious and tough and well educated? I'm voting for Hillary because I BELIEVE in Hillary!
F. Trump is a nonstarter for me. My fellow Republican Christie Todd Whitman is right! I'm voting for John Kasich!
G. Trump is a nonstarter for me. My fellow Republican Christie Todd Whitman is right! I'm voting for Ted Cruz!
H. Why is the country crazy? Because it's made up in part by people who don't back Bernie. Am I voting for Bernie next Tuesday? HELL YES!! Sanders for President!
I. I'll be writing in the name of the Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
J. Is Nick Sacco Running? No? Well, I'm going to write him in anyway. Go, Nick!
K. I still firmly believe in my heart that our dear governor, Christopher J. Christie, is the best person for the job. Go ahead and laugh. I don't care. I'm writing him in.
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