I was very much a people pleaser when young and went so far as to protect my family from the fact that my brother was abusing me. Even though I am in my 50s and I know intellectually I dont need to be that way, the trait still comes out in my workplace and home where I feel inhibited from asking for what I need, feel less than, and have a hard time saying no.
Marijke aka Karinecichocki - 8 years ago
I learned very early to look outward toward whatever my adoptive family wanted. I coped by cutting off from my own needs and wants--though at times those suppressed feelings would explode on the scene. I'm learning to tune back in to my feelings and put them on a par with others--actually a little ahead as they are my guide. I agree with Patti and would say, I was a people pleaser as a child and I'm still growing up at nearly 47!
Patti - 8 years ago
It seems to me that "people pleasing" is how we cope when true feelings are met with a negative response. I believe that adoption, when based on lies and pretense, creates a situation where the adoptee learns early to please adoptive family who don't accept their feelings, questions, differences, etc.
I was very much a people pleaser when young and went so far as to protect my family from the fact that my brother was abusing me. Even though I am in my 50s and I know intellectually I dont need to be that way, the trait still comes out in my workplace and home where I feel inhibited from asking for what I need, feel less than, and have a hard time saying no.
I learned very early to look outward toward whatever my adoptive family wanted. I coped by cutting off from my own needs and wants--though at times those suppressed feelings would explode on the scene. I'm learning to tune back in to my feelings and put them on a par with others--actually a little ahead as they are my guide. I agree with Patti and would say, I was a people pleaser as a child and I'm still growing up at nearly 47!
It seems to me that "people pleasing" is how we cope when true feelings are met with a negative response. I believe that adoption, when based on lies and pretense, creates a situation where the adoptee learns early to please adoptive family who don't accept their feelings, questions, differences, etc.