Take the Mormon Santa/Church of Perpetual Xmastime Opinion Survey!

• Illegal immigration
• The war in Iraq
• Healthcare coverage
• The mortgage crisis
• Same-sex marriage
• The growing military threat posed by Brangelina

• Experience in handling national/international affairs
• An ability to promise "change"
• Non-magical boxers or briefs

• Christian
• A personal matter that is secondary to their political views and policies
• "I'm sure some of us will be Raptured up annnnnny momento now" bat-shit crazy Christian

• Illegal
• Made available for medical usage
• A chewing gum flavor

• Be fully deregulated
• Make better-tasting energy drinks
• Monitor the people taking this poll

• Is secure
• Could be outsourced to a foreign country at any time
• Is barely keeping my children in lattes

• Should be privatized
• Should teach intelligent design alongside the theory of evolution
• Would benefit from a surge in troops

• A hoax
• A grim reality requiring urgent action
• A fun safe-sex act you can perform using the warming personal lubricants

• Hydrogen holds the most promise
• Ethanol holds the most promise
• Meth puts the greatest number of bicycles on the highways

• I will be using a conventional paper ballot
• I will be using a secure electronic voting machine
• I hope to win an iPod