How do you know you are a fat Triathlete?
You have scrape marks on your stomach from the lake bottom during the swim.
The swim officials keep mistaking your waist for a floatation device.
You are appalled that weight limits are not prominently displayed on road bikes.
That time you tripped on a steep downhill is the only time you ever passed anyone on the run.
You can only recognize people from the back.
The promoter asks you to "grab those cones on the way by"
At the end of the run your idea of a kick is to quit crawling.
You are hoping "Sugar Loading" will catch on.
You have yet to meet a swimming coach that can stop laughing long enough to give advice.
You have trouble finding xxx-large speedos that look good on you (did you find some?).
Your side stitch goes all the way to your foot.
The race officials encourage you to take shortcuts.
The lake water is perfectly calm as you finish the swim.
The sag wagon has a bike rack reserved in your name.
Your name is preprinted in last place on the race result form.
You don't worry about how much your running shoes weigh.
You are having problems finding an aerodynamic picnic basket for your bike.
During the run, your shorts catch fire from the friction of your thighs.
Pinch flats are a way of life.
While lake training in your wetsuit, you are mistakenly harpooned.
After escaping unscathed in a jogging/car accident you are sued for the cost of a totaled VW.
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