The Winner of the 2015 Nobel Prize for Literature will be...
Thomas Pynchon
Dick Cheney, for his meta-critique of imperialism and modern conflict
Haruki Murakami
Bill O'Reilly to win for his work on such fictions as "Killing Jesus," his television show and everything he says. He will accept his award on behalf of Ronald Reagan, but keep the prize money.
Adonis
Brian Williams
Donald Trump's tweets
Philip Roth
Ursula K. LeGuin
Anne Carson
The person who is secretly replacing Jeb! Bush's well thought out notes with the racist, insensitive gibberish he accidentally spouts.
Bei Dao
Kevin McCarthy's masterful, postmodern take on the absence of meaning in contemporary speech
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