Sorry to say that I'm immune to your apology. I know the next time the same behaviours will be displayed...
sigh....
Storm - 12 years ago
Okay, ... understood. There is truth in what you told me and I need to face it. A hard pill to swallow and it doesn't feel good. I know I can do better. Don't give up on me. I need your guidance and honesty. Sometimes I really wish I had a time machine so I could go back and do things differently. Erase my horrible deeds and mistakes. Save you the hurt I've done to you and myself. Sorry, babe. :(
/ - 12 years ago
I don't think Liz's (now X) husband would kidnap...LOL1 He is an exceedingly wealthy prominent businessman for goodness sakes. But this is the house they purchased together. She is known to many as his wife still...the assumption could be made by outsiders that he is her x's child. She only wants to be careful. Take no chances. they are crazy people out there.
Please don;t use the first name of ppl on this blog if i don't do so first. If I use a first initial, please follow suit. If I allude to a person w/out using their first name..please do the same in your reply. Surely you are capable of that.
yes, I think she would like me to marry her...isn;t that what all women want? That has been my experience. Well, she told me she wanted a ring for Christmas...but was disappointed because apparently I was supposed to have some 6th sense it was an engagement ring she wanted. Well, she just gave birth, she was still technically married...it seemed bad timing. She hasn't mentioned it again but if she does want to, I will do what makes her happy. that's very important to me. Now is not god timing. Too much stress, too many issues...another time down the road. she likes the ring...she wears it, it just wasn't what she wanted. She's over it.
Oh Lord it just never stops... - 12 years ago
Just stop. You lie and then you try to look for a reason to 'lionize' yourself...put yourself in a positive light...give yourself kudos for being a considerate and unselfish person (when in truth, what you did was very selfish and in your OWN self interest), in your vain attempts to convince yourself THAT is the reason you lie. Oh no...NOT to hurt someone....not you! That's warped...you know that, right? Your lies hurt me...so they hurt someone. Do you know what a gift it is to put your trust in someone and how important it is for the bearer of that trust to preserve it above all else? So shut up about your wrongdoings and stop the bleeding you have created by trying to put yourself in a positive light by masking your trespass. You will never convince me you did any of this for any other reason than what is true: that you lack morality. You do not know yourself as well as you think. But moreover, your lies should hurt YOU. To blame it on something other than your own anemic values and your free will is unconscionable, outrageous and amoral. But your creative justifications allow you to absolve yourself. You will never learn because again, this proves you are not, in reality, taking responsibility. Don't you know anyone can, to themselves, justify any wrongdoing...like saying they were doing it to avoid hurting others? BS and you should know that. My opinion of you will never change no matter how much you try to wriggle out of your multitude of misdeeds. And to boot, you never admit these lies, I always catch you in them somehow. So you never even attempt to do the right thing. There is no "delicate dance around the truth"...that is a euphemism for lying...and you are beyond stupid if you think you have the intellectual and influential gravitas to convince me otherwise. What you said in the first line of your last message is very sociopathic and narcissistic. Do you even realize that???
It really is a lost cause trying to educate you. Your moral compass points due south I'm afraid.
Storm - 12 years ago
Darling, I know you won't believe me but I have no problem being very honest so long as I know telling the truth won't hurt someone. THAT is when fear takes over and I start stumbling over my words trying to do a delicate dance around the truth. I am in fact a terrible liar and I know it. My heart starts racing, blood pressure goes up and I start blushing, and then I stumble over my words. I hate liars as much as you do and I've had a few boyfriends like that including Larry. He was in fact the worst of all of them. Can't build a relationship on a bed of lies and I should have remembered that with you. You have every right to mistrust me given what I have done, but I aim to earn your trust back. You will see ... My actions will back up my words from here out. I've got to not let fear rule over me, and let wisdom and truth prevail no matter the consequences. I don't want to let you down or disappoint you ever again, Michael.
As for Rickey, he definitely likes you but whether he actually is crushing on you, I can't tell thus far. Does he ever email you privately without your soliciting a response from him? I think that would be the first big clue something is up. He seems to be a pretty savvy business guy and I would doubt he would want to overly show affection for you more than he already has. I would expect him to keep things in check on his public site but go after you behind the scenes on email if he is really trying to get something going. He may already know enough about your background to know you aren't exactly available.
Do you think Liz's hubby would try to kidnap Wills? I wouldn't think he would want another man's baby, but not much in this world surprises me anymore. Is he vindictive and has the divorce gone through yet? I hope for all concerned it doesn't get messy or long drawn out. I did read awhile back that Liz wasn't happy with the emerald and diamond ring you gave her for Xmas. You can send it to me if she doesn't want it! I would cherish it since it comes from you. :) Obviously she is coaxing you to marry her and expected a diamond engagement ring. Can't say I blame her since she loves you so much. So, are you engaged yet? I've got a box of Kleenex nearby and ready to use if the answer is ' yes '. *-*
/ - 12 years ago
Now wait...I do not think you would "hurt" my child. So let go of that...okay? I fear...Liz fears her husband is VERY connected and very wealthy and she is afraid of some other remote possibilities so let's just leave it at that. Okay?
I don't think I'm his fave? Are you saying he is gay crushing on me??? Really?? I never noticed..though I am told I am oblivious so let me know if you see it so I can keep my eye out. I get into these "innocent" situations that can get out of control as I never se the early signs...so if you do I appreciate your honesty and insights where I might not be seeing the true situation(assuming you are capable of being honest).
Storm - 12 years ago
I would never hurt an animal or a child, .. or anyone for that matter. It isn't in me to ever do anything like that deliberately. For one thing, I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. Don't want any part of that, .. but it is just plain wrong to live one's life going around causing harm and hurt. It devastates me just knowing I've hurt you, .. ESPECIALLY you of all people. I do understand your protection of William and that is only right. Frank snuck Sarah onto your gay tech sight to see him before you erased his picture and whether she can still sneak in, I don't know but I do know she snuck in afterwards because she talked about it. Hopefully Frank has blocked her now somehow and if not, then she is still spying on you. I am sure he is cute as a button and he must look more like you than Liz, as it sounds from your description.
You are definitely Rickey's favorite and probably over anyone else. You give him lots of hits and he gives you lots of 'likes'. I'm surprised if you can't see that.
Jeffery never changed his picture. Does he know you were just teasing him about me saying those things? I sent him an @ message saying so but I don't know if he got it or saw it. My mouth dropped open when I saw what you told him! You mentioned something about a rugby photo of him looking better. Did he used to play rugby or was he just dressed like a rugby looking guy?
/ - 12 years ago
Should have written in the opening line the first time I left for London "LONG TERM" for business...
/ - 12 years ago
The facebook I had has not been used in 2 years...since the first time I went to London for business in 2009 or early 2010. I abandoned it then. PPl from blogging days had it and kept it bookmarked and apparently have shared it. I don't even have the password anymore and it is under my old work e-mail address, which is defunct. I am sure it is there still, but unless you were 'friended' by me back then, you won't be able to see it or access it. I cannot even access it and that's the truth. I think it was under michaelgugg72, but I cannot even be sure. The pics on there are photos I downloaded form various times. some vacation photos, work photos...definitely the current avatar I use (and used back then) is there. I remember very little of what is on there, I admit. I don't feel comfortable anymore releasing a photo of baby Wills. I don't really trust you, sorry to say, and he's just a baby. I'm afraid Liz might disapprove. He really is cute with a sweet little face, copious black hair, big eyes...dimples. So precious, really. I really do love him so much.
I don't think I'm one of R's favorites...he seems to like everyone.though a few jealous no-life ppl there when that he always "sides with me"....I don't see that.Do you? I tend to be oblivious to these things. LOL!
You can check my livefyre account, but I do delete stuff rom there occasionally...a weird post that someone sends me (like some of these "hot" comments), r something I regret posting...but if you want to read me there...that might be the easiest way.
Storm - 12 years ago
I was too close to running out of keystrokes to explain why I brought up that last subject about intense love feelings. I brought that subject up because I had a moment when my feelings about you just out of the blue hit me hard when I started that topic. Didn't feel the core meltdown thing as that happens suddenly and without any control whatsoever. I guess another good way to describe that sensation is that it feels like a climax happening in that solar plexus region and not associated in anyway with a sexual climax. It is sublime, an actual physical reaction triggered by intense emotion and I hope I get to feel that again someday. To further explain Michael, .. I don't know what it is about you that grabs me so hard but you just have something that penetrates me and pierces my heart. Do you happen to know a little funny fella that carriies around a bow and arrow and his name is Cupid? I have a feeling you and him have a pact with each other! Not fair ... ;)
Storm - 12 years ago
Do you have more pictures up on your Facebook? May I take a peek? How do all these people find you on there? I've never bothered to get on Facebook but I will if I can follow you. ;) I'm dying now to see little William and would love to see a picture of lucky Liz too. I bet she is really pretty if she resembles Jennifer Connally and is 5'9" tall. I wish I had a longer torso so I wouldn't mind being a little taller. I'm still all legs. Kevin was a 'leg man' and he loved rubbing my legs and running his hand up my thigh and told me one time that I had the prettiest ones in all of Albuquerque. LOL
No, .. didn't have a falling out with Rickey. Not sure he really likes me though and I think that started way back when I was an avid Adam Lambert fan. I defended Adam ferociously from the haters and Rickey himself was a hater of Adam. He would post the extreme closeups of Adam's face all the time to show his acne scars and would deliberately post the worst pictures he could find of Adam. People were calling him out on that and when I realized he was doing it on purpose, I called him out on that too when before I had gone to the trouble of praising and defending Rickey from attacks. That is when my war w/ Kassandra and Drucilla turned extremely vicious because they were Adam haters and they zeroed in on me. It got so bad that I started trying to hide under other names and Rickey outed me! They were doing multiple names too but he didn't out them. So again, I don't think I am one of Rickey's favorites like you are. I've been getting an extreme amount of emails from animal and environment protection groups as well as the polical groups fighting against the Republicans which I support in their efforts. I must be signing and clicking on around 30 to 50 petitions on various subject matter everyday. Some of which I pass on to my twitter in hopes of getting other people involved, with the hope that all of this can make a positive difference in the world. I am literally spending hours everyday on my computer when I should be trying to do more things around here. The days just fly by and before I know it, the sun is setting and I still need to go outside and clean up dog droppings, get Bo out to feed and play with, and then start dinner. If Rickey posts something that really perks my interest, such as that animal abuse video, then I feel the need to comment. I guess I have just become a little more selective when posting, but I do skim daily through his newest topics and look for your comments. It's nice w/ Livefyre that I can just click on your avatar and see what you have said and where. The war between Idol and The Voice fans is interesting but I think I will stay out of this shitfest! LOL I like both to be honest.
Do you ever get a sudden intense 'love' feeling for someone that just kind of grabs you at that moment and makes you feel just how much you love and miss them? It seems to combine all elements. I feel it mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically as my body reacts to this sudden emotion surging through me. Sometimes I start to tear up but it affects me in the solar plexus area mostly where I can feel a variety of sensations. Sometimes an empty feeling because I miss them so much, .. or sometimes a warmth infiltrates and goes through me. It hasn't happened in years and no one seems to know what I'm talking about, but the best way I can describe it is a core meltdown feeling. An actual chemical reaction or something again in the solar plexus region that is happening in direct reaction to feeling immense love at that moment for someone. Last time it happened was when Kevin had fallen asleep on my couch and I leaned over him and took strands of my hair and ran them over the side of his face. He got the sweetest smile and never opened his eyes. That triggered that emotion and sensation in me just from that. It's rare & only happened maybe 10 or 12 times in my whole life.
/ - 12 years ago
From twitter:
You are so effing hawt I'd love to tap you. Post more pics on your FB.
//end/
Just hoping I can follow you. you are really hot and gorgeous and I love your avatar. blushing.
//end/
Mikhail you r the hottest piece of ass to come along since Jpage on here. I'd tap dat too.
From Rickeys:
Mikhail you are hot but what do you have to be such a hater? So hot. YUM!
//end/
You are yummy boy. Mmmmmm. I want you too.
//end/
If your facebook pics are an indication. You are HAWT!
//end/
oh man...you are hot!
//end/
Ha ha!! and this is only the past week! And I didn't post the love that was sent to me from MJs, or the other Idol sites I go to. You have soooooo much competition! LOL! Maybe I need to remove my cute pic to ward off all fo the admirers. I stopped flirting pretty much so it's nto my fault. I've been so good about curbing my flirting ...have you noticed??
I think they all want to fuck me....ha ha ha ha!!!!
/ - 12 years ago
J never has a problem concentrating on work...he is not the daydream, lovelorn type. He knows what he wants and pursues it and is honest with his feelings...but still realistic. He is a 'multi-tasker' so can get many things accomplished despite his emotional state. Doubt he'd ever see that kid again...the farmer...it was a fling and the kid is pretty young I think 23 or so. J typically goes for Asian men, or biracial (his preference). He has no problem attracting dudes even given his narrow parameters. His x bf, a Japanese model, came to visit a few weeks ago and they got together for 2 weeks. But the dude ended up going back to LA. I asked J if he felt he'd like to start up with him again and have him move back to NY. He just said "no, I told him I was still in love with someone else." I felt so badly. AS far as starting up with this farmer kid...I think J is better suited to someone of the same stature, professional caliber as he. He is dating, and he seems to meet these awesome guys and then he breaks it off after a month or so. Guess he's not ready. The celeb chef guy he still sees now and then. A good match for him as this chef is a good guy, very nice, polished, he is really good to J, treats him like gold. I think he was crazy about J...but J backed off for some reason. The last time I saw him he made a move on me. When I rejected him, he quickly apologized and that was that. When I p/u bro from his place and I see J...we always embrace and kiss "hello" which seems pretty normal to me. Only bro was finishing a movie so we talked and J began kissing me again...I liked it so I let him. It got pretty hot quickly...I let his tongue in my mouth, and vice versa ...you know how it gets...right? Then he began kissing my neck, so I was very aroused and erect. He reached for my crotch and began rubbing my cock.... and so I gathered my strength (the strength of 1000 men!) and told him that it wasn't a good time. He didn't fight it. That was the last time we were together. But TBH, I have been thinking non-stop about sucking him off and how much I miss it. I think because I have been w/out sex (given Liz's issues) that I am becoming more horny. Ugh....I need it badly. SOON.
Oh Lord...I'm getting "hot" comments on R's page. LOL! Yes...posters telling me again how hot I am. LOL! Hope your jealous. I think you should join in and let them know what an awesome sex machine I am. Ha ha...jealous....
Did you have a falling out w/ R? Why don't you post there? Hmmmmmmm....
Storm - 12 years ago
Left you a response there. LOVE the name you chose ... :) I am sure J thinks about you 24/7 and I bet he has trouble concentrating on work. The love bug has bitten him hard and is buried in his heart where I don't think it will ever leave when it comes to you. Doubt he has any will at all to even want to date anyone else. It definitely wouldn't be just sex he gives you. His heart and emotions are wrapped up in being intimate w/ you. He can't help it. Is he still in contact with Alex? Since he looks like you, maybe he would be interested in trying something again w/ him. Alex is quite hot looking and seems really nice. Noticed that their product even gets advertised here. They must be doing really good. Well, trust your intuition and best judgment when it comes to J and what would be best for everyone concerned. That is all you can do ...
Are you still feeling okay, babe? If you only knew how much I care. Are you back to working full time? Have you found a new hair stylist yet? LOL
/ - 12 years ago
He is dedicating crap song s to me again...sending me these awesome and sexually explicit private tweets, texts and email. I know he really cares about Liz and wants me to be happy...but I get the feeling that while we are friends...he is still willing to have a sexual relationship, only to him it is much more than that. And I have been craving him lately...I haven't had 'one of those' in a while and I am hankering for some c***. Sorry...it is just what it is. And he has a hefty helping to offer. Poor Liz is still recovering (but is really better now, though no sex for us) so I don't feel right about fucking him when she just miscarried a week ago. Seems low to me. I am trying not to have sex with him...God knows I want to. I want t **** him badly...he offered to do me and I declined. Told him he didn't want to be the guy who came around to give me an occasional blow job.
Ha ha...go check your twitter...LOL!
Storm - 12 years ago
LOL My hand looks like a bear paw! With it being the closest to the camera it looks huge! haha I have a habit of resting my chin in my hand or always touching my face if I'm sitting at my computer. I took at least half a dozen shots and that was the only one that didn't have massive shadows covering my face so I chose that one. I have a standing lamp and a halogen lamp in my office with no immediate lamp on my computer desk, and then the halogen lamp is on my oak rolltop desk that is to my left and lighting up my hair on my left side. This is just not a conducive place to get good lighting for a nice photo.
I don't think it is your imagination at all about Jeffery's affection with you. He is still a lovesick puppy wishing he could have you back, .. ESPECIALLY in bed. But he loves you to no end Michael and I don't think he wants to find himself anyone else. You ARE his true love in his heart and mind. So hard to let that go when one feels they have found that person that makes them feel that way. I feel rather bad for him but I feel even more for the situation you are in with him. I know you don't want to hurt him in any way, but letting him get intimate with you may not be good for him as he will keep hoping for more. I don't envy your situation you are in with him. I know you are trying not to be intimate with him, right? I don't want to say what you should do as it is your decision on how to handle this, and I know you are wise Michael, so I feel at peace with that knowledge. You are the only one who truly knows how to handle this given situation. I just want to support you, that's all ...
I guess I do fantasize about you making love to me when I am pleasuring myself. Hope you don't mind! I would love to show you Ms. Kitty! She loves to be licked, stared at, rubbed, and petted. I don't have to have you as a lover to already know you would be setting me on fire and making me feel out of this world, especially when you enter me. That thought makes me go wet just thinking about how good you would feel inside me. DAMN. Lucky Liz .... The thought of other men's cocks do nothing for me at all. That's the truth! But when I try to imagine yours, ... OHHHHH MY GOD AND HEAVEN HELP ME! It's because I like what it is attached to .... Need I say more?
Speaking of Stevie Nicks, .. have you ever heard her sing ' Crystal ' ? It's a really beautiful song.
/ - 12 years ago
Jeffery is significantly better looking than that first gay looking glamour shot. Ugh...hated it. He had some professional photos taken a couple of years ago for his company...and they all made him look gay and not very handsome. This year he hired a new person...the photos are much better. The 2nd photo that is up now he looks tired, which is not how he usually looks. And it was right before we broke up and he had been crying a lot, sad..I remember when it was taken. I'll talk him into putting another one that better resembles his hotness and you'll see what I mean. But, make no mistake, he is much better looking than I. I assure you. My pic is pretty much me...can't say it's a bad pic or I really look that much better IRL as it looks pretty much exactly like me. What you see is what you get. I'm going to tell J that you thought his pics are unattractive so then he'll change them. He is a little vain. I'm beginning to get worried...though I may be overreacting...I think eh is starting to get really into me again and I don't want that to happen. He is calling me a lot, texting again daily, sending me the sappy crappy song lyrics. I mean...it might be my imagination...maybe he's just kidding around with the messages and all...but I have a feeling he is still super hot for me. Ugh...I hope not. I really feel badly if it's true. Could be just my imagination through...
So how may times have you masturbated to my photo? LOL!! ha ha....
I think you are very pretty and yes, you do look like Stevie Niks. I am terrible with age and don't even recall your exact chronological age...52? Anyway...to me you look 40's then, right? I don't know and I probably piss off so many people when they ask me to guess age. Asians are terrible about determining age. I like your nose..so nice it looks like you have had it done. I think you would look even prettier if you shot at a more flattering angle...straight on. And remove the hand from you lower face/chin...it doesn't flatter you..and always a full smile, full mouth...lips exposed. I like long hair too....
/ - 12 years ago
Okay...your picture made me want to fuck you...and if I was still not so angry with you, I would. How's that for honesty?
Storm - 12 years ago
Touche, lover boy. I bet I look younger than you envisioned. This last guy I had lunch with said I look to be between 39 and 42 in his estimation of my age. My mother had good skin and still looked really good when she died at age 83. I haven't used botox or any surgical procedures, .. yet. :) I would not be against minor enhancements and procedures as time goes on if I begin to look bad, but I think good skin care can avoid a lot of things. The sun is harsh here and my arms have more freckles than I used to have. I was disappointed and shocked once my camera on here activated as I felt it made me look horrible. The lighting in my office didn't help matters and I kept getting shadows on my face that made me look ghoulish! LOL I even have a slight bluish glow on my face from the computer screen in that photo. Well, if you think I look kinda cute and pretty, .. I'm happy with that. ;)
Yes, you're hot and I love staring at your picture. The first picture of Jeff did nothing for him, .. the one in his suit. He looked good but not as good as the one he has up now. He is handsome for sure and could even model if he wanted, but frankly I find you more appealing. How's that for honesty! *-*
/ - 12 years ago
I guess you're kinda cute. I guess I'd say you are sort of pretty.
Isn't that similar to what you said to me at first seeing my drop dead hot photo? You'll never know what I really think! Ha ha ha ha!!!!! 2 can play at these games.
/ - 12 years ago
Okay...I'll check out the photo. My hair is med to dark brown...probably dark brown now that I am older. When I was a kid, my hair was medium brown, lighter in the summers. Most people assume I am all Asian...I look the most Asian of all of my siblings. Some people assume I am South American as well, like the guy J cheated on me with, he was colombian I believe...so we look very much alike. The avatar pic was a bit over-expsoed so looks somewhat darker than I am..hair, skin. But I have olive complexion as in the photo. I'd like to say that I am better looking than that photo...but it really is quite a fair likeness. Maybe not the very most flattering photo taken of me..but it is a better one and one that does truly resemble me. As I always say...if you like Asian dudes and how they look, you'll like me. Asians think me not Asian looking (my features...face shape, nose are not typically Asian looking.) The pic was taken around 3 years back (I think), but I still look very similar, though my hair is more conservatively styled. Really not black...though I know it looks black in that pic.J is much better looking than his pic (if you've seen it)...MUCH...but he is too lazy to look for another. I feel most ppl I know are better looking in person than in pics. I believe I probably am...I know J is and I think once someone smiles, speaks and their face "comes alive" they become more attractive. Unless they are really ugly to begin with.
Storm - 12 years ago
I did this for you, so I hope you will check it out. I had three new replies this morning! So I guess these guys think I'm okay looking. I sent this picture via email to my girlfriend in Lyons, CO whom I grew up with and haven't seen in years. She was shocked and said I looked good and haven't changed much at all. Asked me what my secret was to still looking young. I think the picture is very mediocre and not very good to be honest. I might eventually replace it, but for now it will give you an idea of how I look and I think you will see I do resemble Sharon Tate a bit, especially in the eyes and facial structure. I have a good playlist of songs on my profile and I like to start playing the songs and then minimize my profile so I can web surf and listen to my favorite songs at the same time. Well, anyway I hope I am what you envisioned. When I saw you, I envisioned you with lighter hair as your hair looks so black in that picture but I know you said your shirt was actually blue so I realize coloring is off. I love black hair on guys so no problem there anyway. I just reemeber you describing yourself w/ medium brown hair. You also looked slightly more Asian than I envisioned, but I LOVE Asian looking men so that is not a complaint by any means. Your nice smile and dimples are a plus. You have a nice mouth and lips and your eyes are very nice. Overall, yes I consider you handsome! :)
I hesitate to talk about myself, so tell me how you're doing. Any firm date yet as to when you must leave for London? Is Liz okay now or is she mourning the loss of your baby? Does she know about Kate yet?
/ - 12 years ago
Ha ha...okay, I tried but realize in order to view your profile I have to open an account. So I began by going through the required steps and inserting bs just to create an inauthentic profile. Then when I attempted to access your profile, it kept stalling. So, I minimized the screen while I was waiting for it to load or opt back so I could do some other work, and then it completely opted out. So, now I forgot the user name and password that I quickly created and need to start over again and create a new profile. Ugh! Will when I have a bit more time. Later today...
You know...I was only trying to make you follow through...I don't much care what you look like nor am I really that curious of a person. My assumption was that you wouldn't do it. Well, now that you have your profile pic up...you may be getting messages from more dudes trying to meet you. I think if there is no photo the assumption made by many is you are either ugly and/or terribly over weight. LOL! It will be good for you to bust that myth....right?
Storm - 12 years ago
Go to DateHookup.com MatrixStorm. The picture was taken last night in my office. The lighting is terrible, .. almost looks black and white. I look much better in person. Honest! ;)
Storm - 12 years ago
Michael, I just went throught the booklet and all paperwork that came with my computer and there is NOTHING about how to operate this camera. This is an MSI desktop computer using windows 7. I went to Google and typed in: How to take pictures w/ my MSI built in camera. I didn't find any clear cut instructions on what to do. I did press Fn and F6 simultaneously and if it turned it on, it sure didn't show me anything. HELP ! If you can find any instructions on what I need to do, could you copy them over for me. If not, I will try to get Jamie to help me figure this out when he gets home. He usually heads to his best friend's house after work and stays there until 9 or 10 pm before heading home, so it is likely I can't get a picture up till late tonight or sometime tomorrow. I'm trying so don't give up on me ....
Storm - 12 years ago
Something About You by Level 42
Now
how can it be that a love
carved out of caring
Fashioned by fate
could suffer so hard
From the games played once too often?
But making mistakes is a part of life's imperfection
born of the years.
Is it so wrong to be human after all?
Drawn into the stream of undefined illusion.
Those diamond dreams they can't disguise the truth.
That there is something about you
baby, ..
so right.
I wouldn't be without you
baby
tonight.
If ever our love was concealed no one can say that
We didn't feel a million things and a perfect dream of life.
Gone fragile but free
we remain tender together
If not so in love
It's not so wrong
we're only human after all.
These changing years they add to your confusion
Oh
and you need to hear the time that told the truth.
Because there's something about you
baby, ..
so right.
I couldn't live without you
baby
tonight.
And now there's something about you
And I couldn't be without you tonight.
/ - 12 years ago
You may have offered to reluctantly send me a photo in a "mentioning in passing" sort of way ...you never really encouraged me to send you one, that strongly, because you assumed I'd prob want one in return. Just stop playing games and trying to convince me of soemthing other than the reality and the truth of you motives. I got your number. 'kay?
/ - 12 years ago
I.Hate.Julie. Trust that. R likes calling her over and getting her to debate..it's fun. I have nothing going on with any of these people! Please! My life is complicated enough. I don't really flirt anymore I just joke around. I don't lead people on or give them the wrong impression. These people on line are just having fun...if I thought they had some internet crush on me (LO!) I'd stop altogether. REally...I mean you only se Rickey's site and clearly no one there is hot for me. At least it isn't evident to me so flirting is innocent then since I'm not leading them on. Right? I got a few (quite a few actually...) message on twitter, MJs, R's site via twitter and livefyre...just saying Iw as "hot" or really cute or handsome mostly. Actually...from both dudes and women.I never got as many when I took down my pics...but once I put it back up about a month ago...they started flowing in. Go figure. Not my fault, right? It's not like I'm encouraging it.
Storm - 12 years ago
But I have asked you for pictures a number of times and I DID offer to send you pics of me. If I have to, I'll dig up the conversation somehow even though it means sifting through tons of conversation. I distinctly remember talking about that when you mentioned a picture Jeffery took of you asleep naked on your bed with your laptop on you, and you said you should send that to me. Well, where is it? haha That is when I told you I would send you pictures if you sent me some. Remember? :)
It sounds like you are trying to seduce Julie, just so you know. What's new with Jamanda? Are you getting something going with her? How did she contact you privately?
Storm - 12 years ago
I love you ~~~ Be patient with me, I'm still a work in progress. I WILL get you a picture at the latest, .. tomorrow. If I have any trouble figuring this out I may have to ask you a question or two about it along the way. Jamie is at work and he can get impatient and crabby with me if I don't catch him in a ready mood to help.
Here's a song for you, .. ' Principles of Lust ' by Enigma
/ - 12 years ago
I only want you to stand by your word and prove that you have integrity. It's simple. If I cared that much what you looked like I would have demanded something long ago. I know you were absolutely dying to see what I looked like since you were literally BEGGING John for an image of me and J....basically bribing him and you were so desperate to see me. Jeesh...I had no idea. You never pushed me for a photo and the reason is because you knew you would have to provide one in return. I know that. don't deny it baby.
And then I also know you think I'm fucking hot but you won;t admit it because you live this 1950's fantasy that females need to play hard to get, and not inflate the guy's ego in order to win them. Well, fail baby! I don't care about that crap. Honesty turns me on. I know you look at my pic and are dying to fuck me so there. You would not believe how many emails, personal messages, comments on boards I get from ppl...on twitter too, LOL! They tell me I'm hot and how much they want to do bad things to me...LOL! It is flattering...though I am not one into ego strokes...it does make me like them more. Unlike you with your games. People must be into Asians more these days, I guess. you think I'm cute, I'm not stupid. I'd like you more if you were forthcoming. Ha ha....
/ - 12 years ago
I am not condescending to you and you seem very insecure about your lack of a hefty personal lexicon and your inability to properly understand the definition of this word. Don't be so damn defensive. "Tangent" does not, in any way, imply hostility or evoke angered emotion. You were wrong in understanding the definition of the term and you do not know the actual meaning of the word. Big Whoop! Nobody's perfect and I happen to know more than most...but who gives a shit. It's just a fact. A curse at times...but deal with it baby. Stop starting an argument so you don't have to follow through.
Storm - 12 years ago
I am not as computer savvy as you are, .. I am still learning. Jamie is VERY computer savvy and has even eradicated nasty viruses off of here, yet he has never used the camera and when I asked him how, .. he told me he didn't know. And no, I didn't know the manual is listed on screen though I know many instructions are. Call me stupid if you want. I am going to start with my booklet and read up on it. I told you I should be able to get a pic up either today or tomorrow. Good God. You've waited over three yrs. so another day or two at most should suffice, amigo. Hold onto your pants! I'm trying to appease you ... ;)
Storm - 12 years ago
I knew full well what ' tangent ' meant. No need to condescend. I took it as your telling me I went off on a 'tangent' with my mood. Sorry! More miscommunication between each other.
Oh for Christ's sake.... - 12 years ago
SEE! I am always right! You lie to me, betray me, over and over but because I am "hostile" you didn't provide the pic you are AFRAID to provide. I am always right. I knew you didn't have the class or the integrity to answer me honestly without blaming me. I had good reason in the past not to release another photo on line, you never had a good reason. Excuses excuses excuses...you won't be around today, you need to access your manual...you said you would do it and now you blame me for your unwillingness. You cannot prove me wrong because I am always right about you. I have NEVER been wrong. Now this is more ammunition for you to blame me for not doing it. ALL computer manuals are on line. All sites have simple instruction on how to install avatars. You know this. Prove to me that you are credible and sincere. Don;t feign indignation to get out of this. I.Know.You
/ - 12 years ago
I did not say you had a "hissy fit", or anything of the kind. I did not say "extreme tantrum" I said "extreme tangent". Do you know what the word tangent means? It is a sharp or sudden digression or course change, as in someone "going off on a tangent" during a speech. Your went on and on in this other direction based on one simple comment I made. Jesus...please go invest in a dictionary. It's really not a difficult word.
Storm - 12 years ago
Didn't see your last post until I posted. I was unsure if you were even going to stick around and talk to me so didn't know if it would even be worth going to the trouble to post a picture because I would be doing it just for you, plus you were hostile which didn't motivate me very much. I said to give me a "few" days, not a couple. LOL If you still want me to, I will. Probably start with putting it on my dating profile as that will be easier for me. Can you still access my profile? I still need to grab my manual and read up on how to use this camera on here. If not today, I should be able to get it up by tomorrow. I planned to go to Bernallilo sometime today to drop off my resume at a company I want to work for so that will cut into my time at some point. I'll do the best I can, babe. I WILL follow through since I know you're serious now, and hopefully you're in a mood where you won't tear me apart! :)
Storm - 12 years ago
That wasn't a hissy fit, darling. I'm just trying to get some meaningful dialog going with you. You know damn well I care about you and I've tried to show that. I want to know about YOU. How are you feeling? How is Liz? Is everything okay now? Have you told her about Kate? How is William? How is Jeffery? Do you know yet when you must leave for London?
/ - 12 years ago
What I meant to articulate was you can say what you need to say in 2 sentences without all of the superfluous and unnecessary detail about your childhood. Guys don't care. Tryst me...even the gay ones. If you want to write a novel, write about something interesting and detail is fine...as long as it's not drawn out.
You said days ago you were to put up a twitter photo...well, where is it? LOL! I knew you wouldn't and you have no excuse, except the honest one: you don't want people (me) to see what you look like. I called it, I knew it and I fully expect you not to respond to this. I know you will try to ignore it and pretend you didn't read it. Good time for you to break contract with me now since no excuse this time will work. I don't care if you are not pretty or even plain unattractive, I just want you to follow through on something, show that you can follow through on one little thing. Doesn't matter what you look like. I have an answer to every possible reason (lie) you could provide as to why you are backing out or why you refuse to do this now after you said "give me a couple of days." Does your word matter? I will be proven right again when you ignore this post and pretend not to have read it. Think hard of a way to blame me now, miss predictable. Try me.
p.s. do NOT piss me off again with bs insults and blame game lies!!!!
/ - 12 years ago
I don't understand the reason for your extreme tangents when clearly no segue was offered....and the need to fill in pointless and extraneous detail, unsolicited no less. I am sure I am being rude, but to be honest...with your recent treatment of me and your proven inconsideration of me and of my feelings ...I don't much care. Sorry....
Storm - 12 years ago
Guess I should have talked about the weather instead. Sorry. Would much rather hear about you, but you ignore my questions and interest in you. What's a girl to do? :(
/ - 12 years ago
It was just a comment. I didn't need to hear to hear Chapter one of your autobiography.
Storm - 12 years ago
Oops. Meant to spell short 'waisted', not 'wasted' ! LOL
Storm - 12 years ago
I thought of my family as a normal family. I think we were. Mom and dad would intervene and tell my brothers to quit if they caught them, but they called me names like 'spaghetti legs', ' cricket legs', 'bird gut', ' Bambi' or 'stupid'. My body seemed out of proportion when I was young because I was skinny w/ long legs and I am a bit short wasted like a Barbi doll. I've mentioned before they would throw rocks and dirt clods at me. Little bro almost killed me when he threw a clawed hammer one time. My older brother would pin me to the living room floor and hover over me threatening to drop spit on my face. LOL He never did but it would terrify me. The worst thing he would do is scare me when I had to go down in the dark basement to pee. It was the only bathroom in the house and my parents never kept lights on down there. You would have to get to the bottom of the stairs and then find a light switch feeling in the dark. Hated that ! It was spooky down there without lights on. Our big furnace was in the bathroom and it made rumbling noises. The minute I got down about halfway on the stairs Bill would call out, " Don't let the boogy man get you!" or "Don't let the monster get you." I would fly right back up the stairs crying and begging someone to go down there with me. Usually someone would, but one time they didn't so I went into my parents bedroom on the main floor and pee'd in a waste can and then put a bunch of Kleenex in there to cover it up. To this day I am scared of the dark and keep night lights on in every room of my house. That basement made me have bad dreams, especially that furnace. I kept having repeating dreams that there was an evil and angry man living inside of it and he wanted to get to me and kill me. There weren't any doors on our three bedrooms so I could see from my bedroom into my sister's room and on her wall where I could see from my bed was a tin plate covering an unused vent pipe hole. That is where he would try to get out in my dreams. Here is the strangest thing that happened one night. I was having that usual dream and he was pounding on that tin plate trying to get out to get me. All of a sudden in that dream he pounded hard enough and broke through and was starting to crawl out of there. That had never happened before, and simultaneously the pressure in the furnace blew that tin plate off and sent it at least 6 ft. across my sister's bedroom floor making a huge exploding pow and pop sound that had me screaming and crying since it coincided with my dream. I'll never forget how scary that was. It was almost like my dreams were warning me. It never happened again where that plate blew off. Can't remember if I kept having that dream after that, but I was always afraid of that basement once night time came. I loved my cute little bright southern lit bedroom though and didn't mind being down there in the day time. Remember too, this was out in the country where we were isolated from neighbors and streetlights. Moonless nights brought incredible darkness. Sometimes I would hear my own heartbeat in my ear as my head laid on the pillow but I didn't know what that was then. I got it in my head that there was another evil man outside my basement window in the yard and he wanted to get me too and my heartbeat was his footsteps coming towards my window. Geez, .. and then many times when I was at the point exactly between wake and sleep, I would here a panicked whisper that seemed to actually be audible coming from a corner of my room up by the ceiling and it would call out, " Barbara ". It never ever said anything else and I couldn't tell if it was the voice of a man or woman, only that it sounded urgent & panicked. Thought at first my brother, whose bedroom was just on the other side of the stairway was doing it but I would listen & I could tell he was asleep & my sis wouldn't do that to me. I was 22 yrs old last time it happened. I was extremely shy as a child.
/ - 12 years ago
Then I guess past abuse (PTSD) and feelings of inferiority are the reason. Sounds like you were treated badly by your siblings. Maybe you need to explore that more. Could be why...
Storm - 12 years ago
I was a middle child, and everyone that has been a middle child knows that sucks! I got picked on by my older brother and my youngest brother who would gang up on me. My sis was 10 yrs older and into her own thing. Her long fingernails would slash my arm if she caught me in her makeup or putting on her cologne. LOL
/ - 12 years ago
In regard to your first line....then stop repeating the same mistakes and you won't have to apologize. What do you expect? To betray and have people ignore it? Whatever...I am not handling you with kid gloves lady...toughen up. Can't handle the repercussions of your behaviour, then try to do right by people. Simple as that.
You must have been a youngest child. You act like the spoiled 'boo-hoo' baby of the family. Really...
Storm - 12 years ago
To be honest, .. I am even sick of hearing myself apologize all over the place. Truth is, .. you scare me to death because your words can be so harsh and judgmental. You deliberately try to wound and hurt me with the things you say. That makes me even more scared of you. I have learned to fear men, sorry to say. I don't think I have to tell you why, .. you know. I am far from perfect and I know that, but I also know I have a loving heart and I mean to hurt no one, especially you. Anything I have faltered at was not done with ill intent. Surely you know that. Even as honest as you are, and I would say you are probably the most honest human being I have come across besides my mom and dad of whom I can't remember them ever being dishonest, lying, deceiving or betraying anybody, .. even you have not made it through your life without uttering a lie here or there at some point in your life. I know your blood pressure just went up with that statement and you are getting angry with me again and you will tell me I am once again deflecting blame, but for God sakes, it's true. We are all human, Michael. I am asking you to forgive me and my imperfections and put your focus instead on the good I have inside me. I am kind, I am loving, and I'm trying to make a positive difference in the world. I know that doesn't happen when I become deceitful or tell an out and out lie. I KNOW and I'm trying to find the courage to never do that again. I become fearful when I think the truth might hurt someone. ESPECIALLY when I think you will be hurt. The irony is, .. and I do see it now, it is the lie in itself that hurts you worse than anything else. I get it. I won't do that anymore. It would help me a lot if you just wouldn't judge me so harshly because that puts the fear in me. I really do love you and I want you to become proud of me. I know that is far off and I have my work cut out for getting you to that point, but I want to do that, Michael.
/ - 12 years ago
But you deliver these insincere apologies, ad nauseam. And I say they are "insincere" because you deliver them and then begin to defend WHY you committed the offense...and then begin to subtlety blame me in part...and continue to jab at me for doing the same thing. YOU ARE WRONG. I don't do the things that you do: betray, deceive, lie and make cowardly excuses for my behavior like a scared little child. "You protect your little buddies and I was only trying to do the same."-----THAT says it all. Thanks for the non-apology. M E A N I N G L E S S
Storm - 12 years ago
I did the wrong thing, Michael. And it has cost me dearly and hurt you in the process. I respect the way you feel and have no right to expect anything else. Wish I could go back and change things, but I can't. I can only tell you once again that I have my regrets and it is a tough lesson learned. I don't know what else I can say except I am sincerely sorry I let you down and disappointed you. My judgments and decisions were wayyy off from what they should have been and that scares me about myself. I feel I am smart but where my head was at those moments that critical decisions were made and acted out, .. God only knows. The best I can do now is live and learn, .. and aspire to do better next time and NOT be afraid to always tell the truth no matter the consequences.
!!! - 12 years ago
Correction to previous message: "@" should be "2" (as in 2 years).
Re: Liz...Iw as not able to arouse her from her sleep because before bedtime she felt some back pain (I suspected the start of a miscarriage, but thought it would be in around 48 hours) so her Doc told her she could take 2 tylenol pm which is safe in pregnancy...the sleep aid put her right to sleep. The blood looked t be more than it was (it always does)...the gyn said there was no additional bleeding...though if she miscarried alter (say after 10 weeks) it could have been serious. She did hemorrhage but they were able to stop it quickly. She will not have a sterilizing or permanent birth control procedure. She feels that if she waits a year, her doc will giver her the 'green light' to possibly have another. I don't think so. I cannot have a vasectomy behind her back...that would be wrong and she is very much again it. J thinks I should have one to potentially "save her life."
I don't know what direction my own life is headed so planning for another child is not something I feel Ic an do now. She doesn't like to hear that...but it's the truth. Unless I know I'll be healthy for many years...not fair to bring another child into the world.
!!!!! - 12 years ago
I don't care if Frank discuss stuff with friends in person or on the phone or on email. I cannot prevent that. I don't want him talking about very personal, intimate or tragic things as they relate to Liz on the internet anymore where others can read it. What happens on the tech site, stays on the tech site. He knows that now. BTW...sorry, but I trust him more than I trust you. He does not lie when asked a question outright...and I don't even talk to him as much as I talk to you. Seems Frank and I are closer than you and I are. You look at it as "trying to communicate" fine...you have communicated for your narrow viewpoint the following to me: that you are only partially to blame and that it was not an 'out and out lie' (WRONG--IT WAS) and that you were trying to do the right thing by protecting someone you barely know --"protecting" them from what??? That is bullshit. (YOU LIED TO ME WHEN I TRUSTED YOU TO PROTECT SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T TALKE DTO IN @ YEARS!!), Then you tell me at the end of your insincere apology " you protect your little buddies and Iw as only trying to do the same"...WHAT THE FUCK? That is such a BS thing to say and rips the credibility away from any so-called apology you were attempting to deliver! Firstly, this is NOT about anything I did! I was not the offender...YOU were. Secondly, she's not your friend you fool!You knew that before you betrayed me. You pretend you feel so close and love me so much but betray me at the drop of a hat! YES! THAT is what you did. Then you only F-ing care about yourself and things that you imagine I did to you...talk about protecting my "little buddies" . That's another load of crapola from you to detract from your offense.You are so self-absorbed! Always has to come back to you and how I did something to you! DON'T YOU SEE IT YET??? I do not lie when you ask me a question straight out. I know L better than I know you...I met her twice and have known her longer, and we had an intimate encounter. Yet...I would not have lied under the same circumstances even though I know her profoundly better than you know that other person you supposedly had to protect. This other person with whom you betrayed me posted insulting things to you about your age, etc. on that twitter poll when you were being derided. You never "knew" her, barely 'spoke' with her and you never keep in touch! WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG, I WILL NEVER TRUST YOU! I DON'T LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE! IF I WAS DESERTED ON A DESSERT ISLAND I WOULD NOT BE INTIMATE WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST SURVIVING FEMALE AS I ONLY AM INTIMATE WITH PPL I TRUST ON SOME BASIC LEVEL. WE DO NOT HAVE THAT.
I hope that this time I made myself clear.
Storm - 12 years ago
How will you understand my thought processes or where I am coming from if I don't explain, Michael. I'm just trying to communicate. My apologies and regrets are most sincere. I wish you wouldn't doubt that. I understand how you feel and don't blame you one bit. I don't deserve your trust at this point. I know that. My own damn fault. I want to earn it back and I know it will be a painful and slow process, but in the end I know I can do it if you don't give up on me. Not important right now considering what you and Liz are going through.
It sounds like she was mostly unconscious from blood loss, .. do I have that right? Did they have to give her something or operate then to stop the bleeding? Did she complain of any cramping earlier in the evening? I ask because I suffered a miscarriage and it started out like a normal period but quickly led to very acute cramping and bleeding that was so severe that I feared I would pass out. I started sweating profusely as well. I had Jamie running to get a portable fan blowing on me and a wet washcloth. He was only around eight yrs old when this happened and I feared him freaking out if I went unconscious, so I called my mom who lived about a mile away and asked if she and my younger brother who was in town from Arizona visiting her, if they would hurry over. By the time they got here some ten minutes later, the severe cramping had ceased and I started feeling okay other than feeling exhausted. I had just mowed my entire front lawn right before it started happening and that probably helped bring this on. Didn't even realize it was a miscarriage till later that evening when I was showering and heard something make a thump sound on the shower floor. A clump of flesh and I was shocked. Didn't have fetus form yet but I could see little tiny nubs forming that would have been the very first beginnings of toes and fingers. I would say my miscarriage was over basically within an hour of time. It sounds most fortunate that you woke up when you did and discovered what was happening. Sounds like she could have died in her sleep. I am truly sorry for what she suffered and pray all will be okay. I hope you can get through to her that she cannot possibly contemplate having another child. There are some other options you can consider if the two of you still want another child together. You could freeze some of your sperm and get a vasectomy if she refuses tubal ligation. Then they could harvest eggs from her and you two can find a surrogate mother. How about her sister? Then you wouldn't have to worry about a stranger changing her mind. And certainly you two could just adopt a child to give William a sis or brother on down the line. I really hope you can get through to her though that she can't be doing this anymore. Is she still in the hospital?
! - 12 years ago
I didn't even bother to spell check...the last message is virtually unreadable. Good luck deciphering it.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 12 years ago
I don't like your message. Again...deflecting blame. You try to compose this quasi pseudo -apology veiled in a self-gratifying self-complimentary form while getting your digs in with me in the process of delivering the insincere mea culpa. I'll touch upon that later. Fuck that baby.
As far as forgiving myself. Ther eis no question that ti was my fault and the aftermath and her health issues are a direct result from my sellfish act. You see...I wnated her to egt the abortiona dn I amde her feel guilty about not having one, I even resorted to making her feel like our realtionship coudl eb in jeopardy (whihc was not true) if she did nto agree. Seh begged me give her mre time. I refused. She told me she felt uneasy and scared...I told her she was being selfish. So, no I will never forgive myself. The fact that I coerced her into it and what happended in the process and after is all a cosntant stark reminder of my sin. I deserve it. Seh doesnt; blame me even a little. NEver did. But how is one to react when a few days ago I wake up at 4:00 am for a glass of water, walk into the bathroom, notice ther is blodd on my thigh adn waist. In my unalert and sleepy state, I gasp and look for somerhe on my body where the blood is coming from...until I relaize it was hers. I rush into the bed rm, pull down her blanket and see her asleep atop of bloody sheets...Jesus! Can you even imagine? I coudlnto wake her up...so bgin to shake her. Once she stands up...mroe blood rushes out so I call the doctor who confirms it is a miscarriage. She is so tired, half-asleep, and I have no idea how much blood she lost. So I decide to take her to the hospital at 4:30 am...first I have to clean all the blood off of her, she is too tired to do it herself. I physically hold her up and stand in the shower to rinse off the blood, dress her and then take her in my car as she sleeps in the passenger's seat. The seat of my car is covered in blood once I carry her out into the emergency room. Then she begins to cry when she realizes she is in the hospital again....gets worse from there and I can't even write more about this. But how do you expect me to feel? Of course all of this is my fault. It is!! I don't require nor do I deserve absolution for my past wrongs. Then for the doctor to tell both of us (While looking directly at me) that she cannot sustain these miscarriages at this rate and the bleeding next time will be worse. And that she was 7-8 weeks or so pregnant...much too soon for intercourse after a high risk delivery (yeah...I know). See...I convinced her that intercourse was fine around 3 or 4 weeks after giving birth and that if it was painful, we could stop. I knew she wouldn't deny me...and I wanted to make love to her. I knew she wouldn't say no to me. And of course since she was breast feeding, no worries about pregnancy I told her...right?? WRONG. She had slowed down as she had to go to Amstrd for 3 days so she was cutting back on her nursing.
Okay. NOW can you see why I DESERVE to feel guilty and why all of this is my fault? I appreciate honestly, not people simply trying to make me feel better. I feel like shit. Her father fucking hates me now and thinks I'm a pervert. He was not any too happy that she was that pregnant. He doesn't forget easily either.
Other stuff alter. Cannot believe the fake apologies you deliver with your little digs, defenses, modifications and caveats. My level of truth and honesty is not to lie. You lied. The reason doesn't matter. Anyone I hang around with would be in utter agreement with me. And you DID lie. You DID OUTRIGHT LIE to me. I asked you a question...you knew the answer...you deliver an untruthful response. So self-serving and mean. Don't you get it? It wasn't a white lie it was a deception. Jesus! Wake up!! More later....I am not through with you. And no, I will never trust you, ever. Not even on my death bed. And I will never forgive you. You have already used up your quota. You never learn....
Storm - 12 years ago
It's time for you to forgive yourself, Michael. And NO, it doesn't make me happy any of this is happening. I am not an unfeeling monster for god sakes. Liz and I both know that you would have never put her through an abortion if you knew then what you know now. Nobody blames you so stop blaming yourself. The energy you expend thinking that is wasted, useless, and does you no good. So please, stop beating yourself up for something so far in the past that you were not given twenty twenty hindsight for. It's not your fault. You would not have done it if you had known what would happen. We all have things in our past we would do differently if only we had known. Right? Let go .... and let the healing begin. It's time ... :)
I knew of this from your exchanges on twitter with Jeff. You and I both know Frank well enough though to know that he told his little sidekick Sarah. They are very hungry gossip mongers when it comes to you. They LIVE for the latest gossip on you. Otherwise their lives would be very boring. They share emails back and forth with each other so I'm sure Sarah knows the minute Frank gets hold of something. Frank can't keep his mouth shut to save his life.
I don't blame you at all for beating me up about lying and deceit. I've damaged my rep and standing with you immensely and I know it is my own damn fault. I don't like hurting anyone, and I have danced around your probing questions in the past in hopes of protecting others, in hopes of protecting you, and even protecting myself. I try like the dickens not to deceive and out and out lie. Don't know if I have actually told a bold face lie, God I hope not. The thought of damage or repercussions from naked truth being told when I know somebody is going to get hurt mortifies and terrifies me to death. And then knowing what a lie itself can do only magnifies the situation and terrifies me even more. I've been a coward at times and have made some bad choices on how to handle some of the situations in the past. If you look closely at every given situation, Michael, .. you will see that I meant no harm to anyone and that means especially you. I aspire everyday to be a better person and you have raised the bar in me to be even higher and more honest than I ever have been before. For example, in my past I have made up excuses to girlfriends when they wanted me to go out with them and I just wasn't in the mood to. Instead of just telling them that, I would tell them I had a headache and wasn't feeling well, or something along that line. Didn't want to tell them the truth that I just didn't want to because I knew they would spend time trying to coax me to go anyway. I was also afraid their feelings might be hurt. Do you see what I mean? With your level of honesty I should have been more forthright and just told them I didn't feel like doing it and just dealt with whatever they threw back at me. It has never been my wish to lie and hurt you, and yet it has happened. I'm sorry beyond words Michael. I can only tell you I will keep trying to never put you or myself in that situation again. I talk to nobody and shouldn't have even tried to approach TLC. I felt a smidgen of gratitude and loyalty to her only because I thought she liked me since she kind of defended me in the past and we shared a few good times back in the good old days when we were all getting to know each other. You protect your little buddies and I was only trying to do the same. Doesn't justify the way I went about it though. I know that. Sorry I hurt you yet again. :( I hope you will forgive me knowing I am trying to be the honest person you want me to be.
/ - 12 years ago
Tell me how you know about this miscarriage? Is it from reading my twitter that I set up for blogging? Or J's twitter? If so...that's okay. I just want to know whether Frank is leaking shit about Liz which will not sit well with me. He has been warned again. He is not to talk about Liz or anything I mention about her on the tech site. LOL!....Why waste my time...I don't even for a second expect for you to be honest by answering where you read about it, I know you didn't 'guess' that she had a miscarriage. ...You'll just do whatever to cover lies. Lie for no reason. I am sure I won't get an honest answer out of you as you will default to lying, per usual, even when it isn't necessary. It's how you are made. Look out for number one!! Right?
I know it was too early and I'm not upset over "losing the baby" as it wasn't even really a baby...just a potential one. It was still early (though later than we thought). It's not liek we tried to get pregnant or even thought it possible. She did not menstruate yet and she was nursing so presumably not ovulating. Apparently she was as the doc said her pregnancy was "7 weeks or so along. " I am not upset over the end of the pregnancy (and the possibility of a 2nd child) as I am am worried for her...the emotional toll, the copious hemorrhaging associated , the physical trauma of another miscarriage and uterine scarring...the fact that she refuses to undergo a tubal ligation or a partial hysterectomy even thought he doctors said another pregnancy could potentially end her life. So yeah....it's hard. She refused a D&C this time as she had 3 previous, plus the abortion, plus natural miscarriages...and she feels that D&C causes more uterine scarring which is prob the reason for all of the miscarriages. She will unlikely ever sustain another term pregnancy. She will likely hemorrhage heavily any time she is pregnancy and require transfusions and hospitalization. Too much damage from the late abortion and all the complications after...plus all of the successive miscarriages and surgical procedures; and giving birth this last time certainly took it's physical toll. Every time something like this happens to her...I know why it is happening and I know who is to blame. I am sure all of this makes you very happy knowing that I feel more self-hatred for constantly putting her through this shit.
Storm - 12 years ago
You're talking about Liz, and she lost the baby. Babe, it was just too soon and not meant to be. Her body wasn't ready for this yet. I had worries this would happen. I hope she is okay and healing from this. Hope you're okay too .... ~~~
correction to below - 12 years ago
after "spiritual" insert "connection".
/ - 12 years ago
Get off the Sharon Tate obsession...stop thinking you have some spiritual to a highly publicized murder victim. It is troubling. Okay? Many people share the same birthdays...I don't really care or think it meaningful. It's a 1/364 chance. Ugh....
I can't answer your other ERRONEOUS statements which are either lies, mistruths, incorrect assumptions or all of the above. I am going through a tough patch now (not for me...but for those around me) and you need to realize that the universe was NOT created to simply revolve around you. Capisch?
Storm - 12 years ago
I just discovered something I wasn't aware of till now, .. an odd coincidence. Sharon Tate and I were both born on January 24th. I've been reading up on her bio and they showed her death certificate. Sad ...
Storm - 12 years ago
Just heard on the CBS evening news that the warning is going out about cyber attacks happening primarily by Russia and China. The expert said it will happen, .. it's just a matter of time. Besides our power grids and air travel being prime targets, .. he said any Fortune 500 company will also be a bull's eye for them. All they have to do is send an innocent looking email that could look very business like and professional, and once it is clicked on, it's all over. I thought immediately about Jeffery, .. and I'm sure he has already thought about this, .. but you might want to mention this to him nonetheless. Hope you're doing okay .... ~~~
Storm - 12 years ago
How does Julie know about Daniel? I had the impression you two just have different likes and opinions. Does it go beyond that? I only remember giving her one 'like' because I agreed w/ her that Idol is more likable than The Voice. It wasn't personal. I admitted to you that there were several times when you were snotty and bitchy to me that I returned the favor by giving you thumbs down for the day. You've done the same to me so you aren't innocent either. In any case, that was all silly stuff that shouldn't be taken seriously. If Rickey is honest, he would also tell you that I have given you many thumbs up as well. Many of the 'likes' you now have come from me. When you downed Josh, I gave you a thumbs down but that shouldn't surprise you. Not all of them I gave you were even personal. They were also a show that I simply disagreed with you. I wasn't EVER trying to make you feel inferior, darling. Sometimes you really do take things too personally. I don't hold any thumbs down against you because that is all silly crap anyway. I'm also not holding it against you that you VERY recently though indirectly try to take a dig at me with the frauen comment, or when you called me " sod off bitter old hag " to rezzy. Not offended because they don't fit me. When you see how I look you will understand. I am also smart enough to know that many things that get said in anger between us is not really heart felt. I certainly regret a few hurtful things I have said to you in the past, and you have expressed the same. If my heart was laid bare RIGHT NOW for you to see what I feel for you and what I have always felt, you would be wrapped up in pure love. We have our stupid moments with each other and our misunderstandings which are 90% of the problem, but at the heart of all of this, .. I hold nothing but love for you. You mean so much to me, Michael. You may not yell at me vocally, but when you scold me and tell me you hate me more than Hitler and Julie, don't think it doesn't hurt. I feel so much like a child trying to please their parent with you, but I'm always screwing up and getting scolded for things I do that had good intentions behind them but somehow still went awry. I'm not evil for God sakes. I can't believe this last thing that happened! It felt like I was between a rock and a hard place again and I truly didn't want to hurt anyone, especially you! Yet I ended up doing that anyway by not being forthright with you. I am regretful on how I handled it, which was misguided and piss poor. Didn't even realize I had told a lie to you until I went back and re-read what I had told you. Deplorable for sure, babe. No excuses. I usually don't have a problem being very honest and forthright w/ people, but for some reason I keep being tested in these odd situations that keep happening in regards to you. It is unreal and uncanny, .. like God and you are testing me! Just when I think I can't possibly betray or hurt you again, .. up pops another strange situation like this last one where I am more or less forced to choose loyalties. I really am a loving person Michael and I get no joy out of hurting anyone. I can only hope you see that I meant no hurt or harm to you or her, and that you have a big enough heart to forgive me. I know I'm asking a lot, but no ill intent was involved here. I learn yet again that even the smallest deception has its consequences ... :(
Not too many keystrokes left, but I'm glad you told me about Daniel and gave examples of what you go through with him. I had no idea he acts up in the middle of the night as well. God, that must be incredibly hard on you. To try to stay calm and balanced w/ him at times like those takes the will of a saint. I feel for you and love you all the more for taking such good care of him. Is he okay now after getting shot down by that girl? Did you take him to Hugo? I'm curious if that movie is worth going to see.
Part 2--to Rasputin (warning..no spel check) - 12 years ago
she instigated it and R knew...he was afraid that others might start with liberal language...he NEVER would have censored me...so I deleted it myself. It was for 'show' more than anything. And then, you give him a 'like' for the fake reprimand post to me. He and I thought that was odd...very odd. So, now you have proven to be both a backstabber and a liar. Case closed. Go back to the posts that entire week and see where you systematically added "likes" to everyone around me. for no reason. Just to be a bitch to me...you were not even mad at me then. Crazy!! IS that what friends do? You didn't know...at the time...that it was so easy to identify who was 'liking' a post with R's new system. He thought it was odd that you were liking those awful and hostile Julie (and other) posts around me...just t be a bitch to me. you know why you did it so don;t support your pathetic actions now. R has watched out for me and has told me when other ppl around me post as 2 or 3 different people. He has called them out and even apologized in the thread to me (the last Allison Iraheta post of a few months back is a good example). Anyway.. I don't "know" him (as much as you can actually 'know' someone on line) as well as I 'know' you and yet, for no reason at all is more loyal to me than you ever were. Go figure!
to Rasputin (warning..no spel check) - 12 years ago
Knowing how "angry" I get "terrifies" you? Angry? I never yell...never...well, very very rarely. Occasionally I raise my voice at Daniel only...but he is very difficult. You have NO idea. Jeffery is so damn good with him. I love Dan, but he has a disability and it is very challenging to mainstream him into 'normal' society. If you only knew the half of it. But, I very rarely even yell at him...though I've raised my voice in a strong parental tone on a few occasions (like when he told me he was going to strip naked and jump out of our balcony window if I didn't let him buy something he decided he wanted at 2:00 in the morning while I was sound asleep; or when he told me he was going to go to the police and tell them he was being abused if I didn't take him to the movie at that very moment -- 5:00AM -- 6 hours before the theatre even opened for the day, etc. I've never yelled at or struck a woman (never hit a dude either...never even came close). Even Bea I never struck back in defense even when she was hitting me...and she yelled at me often...hit me ...slapped and punched me. I threatened to hit her back once if she sk]lapped me again...doubt I would have. So to say I "scare " you when my speaking voice is quiet in tone and low...yes deep...but I just don't raise my voice. I don't yell.I have a very deep, but low and quiet tone to my voice and am rarely negatively emotive. You bring out the bastard in me with your games and ploys and deceptions. You are just not nice to me and you do not treat me respectfully. There are a few things I will not tolerate: liars, deceivers, those unwilling to take responsibility, and bitchy attitudes (when a woman nags me). So you can say I scare you...but that is just your own baggage from your past or your own guilt. I won't forgive you for this one, no...right on the heels of another offense with copious apologies. That you can deceive and lie to me so easily, well THAT scares me. You do these little crafty and insidious things in a pathetic and vain attempt to make me feel inferior...these betraying things. Like when R had that stupid thumbs up and down...I was told by a very reliable source (ahem...) that you gave me 70-75% or more of the thumbs down! And you are just one person. Why? And it was true...I saw the evidence! The 'person' who confided this thought it was weird since he could see us talking 'nicey-nicey' on the site. I ignored it and didn't really say anything to you ...but, it IS weird. Systematically 'thumbing down ' nearly every post I composed without regard for the content or for our friendship?? Odd...silly, really. Soem friend you are! LOL! Bet your buddies must have to watch their backs! Strange indeed. Was this supposed to make me feel insecure? LOL! Do you think I really give a shit? And then when that bitch Julie and others made comments to me calling me an idiot and writing insensitive things to me like "short bus" because she knows about Daniel...you give her a like. Then you 'like' all the other posts that are angry toward me...even posts that say The Vocie (Julie's) was not a good show and Adam Levine sucks, bla blah.." But when I disagree...I didn't expect you to support that bitch...you did thinking it would make me feel unsupported, inferior....then I could depend more on you, LOL! You told me many months ago you never really watched the Voice so I know you have no opinion. Then at the same time R fake-reprimanded me when I flew off at Julie and gave her soem well deserved insults (which included profanity)...she instigated it and R knew...he was afraid that others might start with liberal language...he NEVER would have censored me...so I deleted it myself. It was for 'show' more than anything. And then, you give him a 'like' for the fake reprimand of Julie. He and I thought that was odd...very odd. So, now you have proven to be both a backstabber and a liar. Case closed. Go back to the posts that entire week and see where you systematically added "like
Storm - 12 years ago
You blocked me from your twitter. Remember? You didn't have to do that. If you had just requested me to not send any more messages I would have obliged. You over react all the time. I offered to send you a picture before. Remember? Then we got pissy with each other again before we followed through. Now you're hostile again and your motive will be to tear me into tiny little tuna pieces no matter what I look like. Not exactly conducive into aspiring me to do this! I don't have pics up anywhere because I have never bothered to buy a digital camera. Got out of the habit of picture taking a few yrs. back. My cell is at least 6 yrs old and doesn't have one either. My computer is the only place. Give me a few days to read up on how to use this thing and I just might appease you and get a pic up on my twitter, maybe even my profile. How's that?
As I've explained before dear heart, my relationship w/ Larry was very complicated. The last 4 plus years together were two people basically living separate lives under the same roof. He hid out in his man cave which is now my studio when he wasn't on the road working on communication towers, or when he wasn't working on remodels locally. My life when I wasn't working temp jobs was hanging on my computer basically. As I've told you, I wanted him to move out but he wouldn't, and yes, I feared him half the time. Nice guy sober, scary when drunk. That sums it up. He was a problem in my coming to see you. Scared of how he might react, but I was also hesitant because of your ever changing situations as well. I did fear loving you more than I already do, and then not getting to be with you. The odds however I stacked it up, just didn't seem to come out in my favor compared to the ladies that live near you and have constant access to you. Or ladies like Bea and Liz who already had a good hold on your heart. Then when you told me ALL you could offer me are your "loins", well ....., Truth is I wanted your heart as well.
You say I only care about myself and I am incapable of caring about others. That is just so untrue Michael. I used to volunteer at a nursing home. My own mother chose me out of her four children to trust in her last seven yrs of care and life. I've spent many yrs doing animal humane work, and many of those hrs. were unpaid and donated so I could groom animals and make them more adoptable. I gave up my lunch hrs to bathe animals. I stayed home as a full time mother for Jamie for his first six yrs of life and I have no regrets about that. Then the next two yrs I took him with me because I became a governess to two newborns that a judge adopted and a two yr. old that her sister lawyer had. It worked out well for Jamie because he would go to a nearby school and then be with me until I got off work. I lived my life w/ my first husband to embellish his needs and pick up the slack where he needed me in his company. Basically I was a job coordinator, but helped with accounting, and also helped coil up snakes after concerts and run road cases into trucks! One time I had to quickly sew up very long black curtains to hide our speaker P/A systems as was required for one client. I am not a selfish person Michael. You've entirely gotten the wrong impression of me.
As for this latest fiasco. I do feel I handled it badly as I felt conflicted because TLC has done me no harm that I am aware of & I didn't feel it my place to out her. I did end up lying to you & I tried like hell to avoid that. I wish now I had done things differently, .. so sorry! Not two yrs ago I last talked to her! It was whenever the shit storm went down on the old twitter. We didn't say a whole lot to each other, but that was the last time. I know I did wrong and should have kept my loyalty to you only. I tried to split it to both you and her & it went to epic fail. I realized what was happening midstream & failed to handle it right. Knowing how angry you get terrifies me!
to Judas the LIAR - 12 years ago
NO HARM WAS DONE?? That is from your perspective! No harm was done to you...you weren't lied to and deceived and hurt...so I guess it's okay. Everything only matters in terms of how it affects you! See...you have no fucking integrity! You HAVE no character! You choose to outright LIE to me when I trusted you to simply answer honestly, I am an idiot and a fool as I made the assumption that you would simply be honest...never occurred to me you would lie and betray me again....and then turn around and tell her I know about her? You claim (Another lie) you haven;t spoken to her in 2 years and yet, you had to "protect" her. What the fuck? You are a nut job. do you even SEE what you are saying? Can you read your own claims of defense? What about the apologies where you admitted 100% wrong doing...now it's a "big whoop?" you cannot be honest if your life depended upon it. I very much doubt ppl are telling you that you are beautiful because you are AFRAID for me to see you. You lie. I want to see a recent picture send me a private twitter and I'll walk you through Vchat...you can look at my face and I yours. Prove it so you can have one shred of dignity left. I'm ready! OR post a picture on your twitter..no harm done...you are not a celebrity, you aren;t a billionaire protecting a fortune. Don't be shy!
I fully expect you to ignore this and me so you won't have to go through with it. LOL! You must have run out of excuses by now....
Oh...and your abusive bf ...now you refer to THAT as a 13 year "relationship"...didn't he threaten to kill you, your pets, chase you out of your home, hold a cinder block to your head, make you live in fear for your life, a violent alcoholic?...and you are using THAT as an example of an intact relationship? LOL! Priceless! A shrink would refer to that as a destructive relationship and to you as a co-dependent. Oh...and you 'broke up' a year ago...really? so what about those fucking excuses making me feel badly while you were cock teasing me and telling me you couldn't met because of me...my dating...when you ah a 13 year old bf living with you! ADMIT YOU ARE A LIAR! And the cruel twist is...you tired to blame me as the reason, that I wasn't available (even though I did not have a live in long term bf or gf---but YOU DID!) all in order to hold onto me. You fucking hypocrite! You couldn't be honest...you had to blame me and attempt to hurt me and make me feel badly. You are deplorable. You have no moral compass. You are a sham and a con artist. (And let's face it....you were and still are a cock tease...I don't even know what the hell you look like...other than fabricated 25 year old celeb resemblances...BS!). you see what I look like...prove you are attractive...c'mon! it's been along time. LEt's VChat...I can tell you how to send me a pic on line...post one on your twitter. So many options...and yet, so many convenient excuses...LOL!!
Storm - 12 years ago
So feisty! Feel better? Where do you get this idea I'm alone? My best friend lives in Lyons, CO and I have a pic of her and I in kindergarten! Most of my friends come from my hometown and I still talk to them on the phone or email. Most of them still live in Colorado. I have several good friends here. You don't know everything about me like you think you do. I just broke off a 13 yr. relationship a year ago. I just had a successful lunch date last week where he found me beautiful and very attractive. So there! Nanny nanny boo boo. Geez, you haven't even met me in person to know if I am attractive or not, so how can you judge? You are just determined to think the worst of me. Well fine and dandy! If that is what you have to do to convince yourself that you are better, richer, smarter, and holier than thou then have at it! Actions speak louder than words. People have told me all my life I look like Sharon Tate or a young Stevie Nicks along w/ other celeb women. What of it! You wish me to look like Medusa! Sorry to disappoint! haha
I tried to protect a perceived friend's identity. Big whoop! How horrible of me! I wasn't out to do you any harm or deliberately try to betray you. It wouldn't hurt you at all to lighten up! I didn't even have a conversation w/ her for God's sake. No harm was done. Chill out..
find a more appropriate user name - 12 years ago
Listen Judas b****...not interested in your new tact since your always-too-late and insincere apologies failed once again...now you have defaulted to trying to make yourself look innocent and putting the blame on me. You are a conniving, betraying, lying sack of dung. I have no respect for you. You have low class behaviours and non-existant values. Is this any clearer, hon?
Stop your psychotic twisted name posting of Sharon Tate, it is ODD, like you!...a young mother to be who was brutally slaughtered...are you nuts? Do you know how troubling it is to read you post that name? The image it conjures? The emotion? Go look at her autopsy photos on line. Just because YOU are devoid of human emotion (for anyone's except your own...) don't assume others think your carrying her name around is cute. TO assume the pseudonym of a brutally murdered young woman is simply nuts, shows a lack of human emotion and is plain creepy. You look nothing liker her as yow so annoyingly like to claim (more lies), exit your fantasy land and start behaving like an honest human being. Consider other people now and then...not only YOURSELF and your needs!
I don't hate you btw...that would imply we are on the same level and in the same league; clearly we are not. I have nothing but contempt for the likes of you. You are a treasonous deceptive sub human who lies to me so liberally and without forethought...you have no shame, no dignity, so soul. I offered you trust and respect. Referring to you as "Judas" is not apt as it is an insult to Judas. Judas was a better friend to Jesus than you have been to me. Hitler, while deplorable, is an apt comparison. You have no moral center. You lack integrity and real, genuine caring. You are a terrible friend. You will always be alone and it is due to your self-centered focus...of which you are still keenly unaware! Keep fabricating and exaggerating your so-called beauty and desirability. I don't care...never did! Where's the male model? Where is the hispanic billionaire (LOL!)? Did they ask for photos? Is that when you have to stop communicating? Someone chats with you on a hooker date site for 3 days and you fantasize that they have feelings for you or that they somehow "like" you.. Where's your photo you promised, Miss USA? I notice your twitter has a cartoon. LOL! It's easy enough to install a photo unless you are retarded. Excuses, excuses..lies...deceptions. Yeeeaaah....riiiiiiight..... Con-artist fraud you are!
Later b****.
find a more appropriate user name - 12 years ago
Listen Judas b****...not interested in your new tact since your always-too-late and insincere apologies failed once again...now you have defaulted to trying to make yourself look innocent and putting the blame on me. You are a conniving, betraying, lying sack of dung. I have no respect for you. You have low class behaviours and non-existant values. Is this any clearer, hon?
Stop your psychotic twisted name posting of Sharon Tate, it is ODD, like you!...a young mother to be who was brutally slaughtered...are you nuts? Do you know how troubling it is to read you post that name? The image it conjures? The emotion? Go look at her autopsy photos on line. Just because YOU are devoid of human emotion (for anyone's except your own...) don't assume others think your carrying her name around is cute. TO assume the pseudonym of a brutally murdered young woman is simply nuts, shows a lack of human emotion and is plain creepy. You look nothing liker her as yow so annoyingly like to claim (more lies), exit your fantasy land and start behaving like an honest human being. Consider other people now and then...not only YOURSELF and your needs!
I don't hate you btw...that would imply we are on the same level and in the same league; clearly we are not. I have nothing but contempt for the likes of you. You are a treasonous deceptive sub human who lies to me so liberally and without forethought...you have no shame, no dignity, so soul. I offered you trust and respect. Referring to you as "Judas" is not apt as it is an insult to Judas. Judas was a better friend to Jesus than you have been to me. Hitler, while deplorable, is an apt comparison. You have no moral center. You lack integrity and real, genuine caring. You are a terrible friend. You will always be alone and it is due to your self-centered focus...of which you are still keenly unaware! Keep fabricating and exaggerating your so-called beauty and desirability. I don't care...never did! Where's the male model? Where is the hispanic billionaire (LOL!)? Did they ask for photos? Is that when you have to stop communicating? Someone chats with you on a hooker date site for 3 days and you fantasize that they have feelings for you or that they somehow "like" you.. Where's your photo you promised, Miss USA? I notice your twitter has a cartoon. LOL! It's easy enough to install a photo unless you are retarded. Excuses, excuses..lies...deceptions. Yeeeaaah....riiiiiiight..... Con-artist fraud you are!
Later b****.
Sharon Tate - 12 years ago
Soooooo, .. Hitler torturing and killing over 11 million Jews is not as bad as my informing TLC that you are aware of her identity. Therefore I should be more hated than Hitler! Now that's funny. Did the world explode and come to an end ? Did I make the evening news? Did I even really betray you by doing that? I say NO! You've called her out yourself when you recognized her, so what's the big fucking deal? You're splitting hairs again and doing what you always do, ... making mountains out of mole hills! Can't you understand I felt torn about her? Thought she was a friend of a sort for defending me that one time. What is the big fucking deal about my telling her you know who she is? Where's the harm? It didn't tarnish you any! You're being a poopy butt and that's all there is to it! :/ :/ :/
Sharon Tate - 12 years ago
I also posted a fake out over there that should help. You can't be anymore disappointed in me than I already feel about myself. No excuses. My loyalty was misplaced. Check your twitter for messages ...
Bob - 12 years ago
I posted another fake out on the last poll as I know eyes are reading. Will explain later. Too tired now. Really still pissed at you and your displaced loyalties. You have disappointed me to no end.
Sharon Tate - 12 years ago
Okay. I am working in my cabin/shop today, but will be checking in periodically. .. I love you, jelly bean. Please forgive me.
/ - 12 years ago
busy.later we'll talk.
Sherlock - 12 years ago
I've got to run some errands. No choice on that. Should be back in two to three hours. So sorry for putting you through this again. My loyalty was misplaced. You are all that matters to me. I deserve whatever you want to say to me. Can't believe I fucked up again. :(
Matt should go. I cannot stand his mediocre talent and looking at that pimple or whatever that growth is, on his forehead. Lil Rounds deserved to leave, even a week earlier. Also am tired of looking at the wild pink hair. Please don't vote for her again. Anoop Desai was a real gentleman when he was told to leave. He spoke very well and said he was disappointed. Great show. Simon Cowell is the greatest plus he is a great judge of talent. I always respect his opinion. Don't like Kara at all.
Amber - 15 years ago
Adam is awesome. Might as well end it now and quit leading all the others on. He's got this won by a long shot. I agree totally, kara should be booted too. It's like having two randys seen how she always agrees with him anyway. I could be a judge myself and do that. She just causes the show to drag on longer than it should kinda like the contestants except Adam.
lisa - 15 years ago
Adam is here until the end. Everyone knows that, yet no one wants to believe it. I, for one think he is the best singer in the competition and he has the best vocal range by far. "just thought I'd include that".
The two I think will go home are anoop & lil. Anoop has been in the bottom two a couple times and I think its his turn to go home. He is not one of the best and has no chance of winning the great honor of being the American Idol... not that any of them really do competing with adam :]]
As for lil... she should've been out last week in my opinion. Her and Matt do not even come close, but matt... he has a weak support group. Lil will be going home tonight along with Anoop.
Maybe matt... Matt might go home seeing as he shoulld've gone home last week and maybe his fans are weaker than everyone elses. He doesn't deserve to go home... but he might.
Ok, then theres Allison, Danny and Kris. They will not go home no matter how much anyone rebels and they will stay until the final four. Allison will be the runner up while danny will be the second runner up and kris, the third. It will be a battle; but no one can compare to adam
Ashley - 15 years ago
My wish is for Allison and Matt to go home. Why? Because Allison is so obviously being pimped by the judges and they showcase her mediocre performances with inane accoldaes. She is just "okay". I cannot believe the influence these judges have on the voters. Dump her. Same with Matt. He is mediocre yet he was also pimped to the extreme. Release them both tonight PLEASE!!!!!
Anoop is not a great performer and may go, however, he has is blessed with a very good voice and perfect pitch. He is lacking in the dynamics but deserves another week.
Lil? Well, she picks the wrong songs but does not suck as much as Simon seems to think. They do not want her to win (and she should not and won't).
I also woudl not mind a Danny shocker elimiantion. He is a very good singer but boring. Just get rid of AMtt and Allison and I will feel justifed.
While we are eliminating 2 contestants, can we also eliminate one of the judges? KARA!
Lia - 15 years ago
Lil overstayed her welcome. Danny did too :)
Katie - 15 years ago
Sadly Danny might me a casuality of the idol curse where good performers go home before bad ones (ahem..Anoop and Matt).
But hopefully the producers realize hey need Danny for ratings and Anoop's gone. But Matt if he's saved he can thank Michigan! Anyone see those voting results from them= insane!
Sorry to say that I'm immune to your apology. I know the next time the same behaviours will be displayed...
sigh....
Okay, ... understood. There is truth in what you told me and I need to face it. A hard pill to swallow and it doesn't feel good. I know I can do better. Don't give up on me. I need your guidance and honesty. Sometimes I really wish I had a time machine so I could go back and do things differently. Erase my horrible deeds and mistakes. Save you the hurt I've done to you and myself. Sorry, babe. :(
I don't think Liz's (now X) husband would kidnap...LOL1 He is an exceedingly wealthy prominent businessman for goodness sakes. But this is the house they purchased together. She is known to many as his wife still...the assumption could be made by outsiders that he is her x's child. She only wants to be careful. Take no chances. they are crazy people out there.
Please don;t use the first name of ppl on this blog if i don't do so first. If I use a first initial, please follow suit. If I allude to a person w/out using their first name..please do the same in your reply. Surely you are capable of that.
yes, I think she would like me to marry her...isn;t that what all women want? That has been my experience. Well, she told me she wanted a ring for Christmas...but was disappointed because apparently I was supposed to have some 6th sense it was an engagement ring she wanted. Well, she just gave birth, she was still technically married...it seemed bad timing. She hasn't mentioned it again but if she does want to, I will do what makes her happy. that's very important to me. Now is not god timing. Too much stress, too many issues...another time down the road. she likes the ring...she wears it, it just wasn't what she wanted. She's over it.
Just stop. You lie and then you try to look for a reason to 'lionize' yourself...put yourself in a positive light...give yourself kudos for being a considerate and unselfish person (when in truth, what you did was very selfish and in your OWN self interest), in your vain attempts to convince yourself THAT is the reason you lie. Oh no...NOT to hurt someone....not you! That's warped...you know that, right? Your lies hurt me...so they hurt someone. Do you know what a gift it is to put your trust in someone and how important it is for the bearer of that trust to preserve it above all else? So shut up about your wrongdoings and stop the bleeding you have created by trying to put yourself in a positive light by masking your trespass. You will never convince me you did any of this for any other reason than what is true: that you lack morality. You do not know yourself as well as you think. But moreover, your lies should hurt YOU. To blame it on something other than your own anemic values and your free will is unconscionable, outrageous and amoral. But your creative justifications allow you to absolve yourself. You will never learn because again, this proves you are not, in reality, taking responsibility. Don't you know anyone can, to themselves, justify any wrongdoing...like saying they were doing it to avoid hurting others? BS and you should know that. My opinion of you will never change no matter how much you try to wriggle out of your multitude of misdeeds. And to boot, you never admit these lies, I always catch you in them somehow. So you never even attempt to do the right thing. There is no "delicate dance around the truth"...that is a euphemism for lying...and you are beyond stupid if you think you have the intellectual and influential gravitas to convince me otherwise. What you said in the first line of your last message is very sociopathic and narcissistic. Do you even realize that???
It really is a lost cause trying to educate you. Your moral compass points due south I'm afraid.
Darling, I know you won't believe me but I have no problem being very honest so long as I know telling the truth won't hurt someone. THAT is when fear takes over and I start stumbling over my words trying to do a delicate dance around the truth. I am in fact a terrible liar and I know it. My heart starts racing, blood pressure goes up and I start blushing, and then I stumble over my words. I hate liars as much as you do and I've had a few boyfriends like that including Larry. He was in fact the worst of all of them. Can't build a relationship on a bed of lies and I should have remembered that with you. You have every right to mistrust me given what I have done, but I aim to earn your trust back. You will see ... My actions will back up my words from here out. I've got to not let fear rule over me, and let wisdom and truth prevail no matter the consequences. I don't want to let you down or disappoint you ever again, Michael.
As for Rickey, he definitely likes you but whether he actually is crushing on you, I can't tell thus far. Does he ever email you privately without your soliciting a response from him? I think that would be the first big clue something is up. He seems to be a pretty savvy business guy and I would doubt he would want to overly show affection for you more than he already has. I would expect him to keep things in check on his public site but go after you behind the scenes on email if he is really trying to get something going. He may already know enough about your background to know you aren't exactly available.
Do you think Liz's hubby would try to kidnap Wills? I wouldn't think he would want another man's baby, but not much in this world surprises me anymore. Is he vindictive and has the divorce gone through yet? I hope for all concerned it doesn't get messy or long drawn out. I did read awhile back that Liz wasn't happy with the emerald and diamond ring you gave her for Xmas. You can send it to me if she doesn't want it! I would cherish it since it comes from you. :) Obviously she is coaxing you to marry her and expected a diamond engagement ring. Can't say I blame her since she loves you so much. So, are you engaged yet? I've got a box of Kleenex nearby and ready to use if the answer is ' yes '. *-*
Now wait...I do not think you would "hurt" my child. So let go of that...okay? I fear...Liz fears her husband is VERY connected and very wealthy and she is afraid of some other remote possibilities so let's just leave it at that. Okay?
I don't think I'm his fave? Are you saying he is gay crushing on me??? Really?? I never noticed..though I am told I am oblivious so let me know if you see it so I can keep my eye out. I get into these "innocent" situations that can get out of control as I never se the early signs...so if you do I appreciate your honesty and insights where I might not be seeing the true situation(assuming you are capable of being honest).
I would never hurt an animal or a child, .. or anyone for that matter. It isn't in me to ever do anything like that deliberately. For one thing, I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. Don't want any part of that, .. but it is just plain wrong to live one's life going around causing harm and hurt. It devastates me just knowing I've hurt you, .. ESPECIALLY you of all people. I do understand your protection of William and that is only right. Frank snuck Sarah onto your gay tech sight to see him before you erased his picture and whether she can still sneak in, I don't know but I do know she snuck in afterwards because she talked about it. Hopefully Frank has blocked her now somehow and if not, then she is still spying on you. I am sure he is cute as a button and he must look more like you than Liz, as it sounds from your description.
You are definitely Rickey's favorite and probably over anyone else. You give him lots of hits and he gives you lots of 'likes'. I'm surprised if you can't see that.
Jeffery never changed his picture. Does he know you were just teasing him about me saying those things? I sent him an @ message saying so but I don't know if he got it or saw it. My mouth dropped open when I saw what you told him! You mentioned something about a rugby photo of him looking better. Did he used to play rugby or was he just dressed like a rugby looking guy?
Should have written in the opening line the first time I left for London "LONG TERM" for business...
The facebook I had has not been used in 2 years...since the first time I went to London for business in 2009 or early 2010. I abandoned it then. PPl from blogging days had it and kept it bookmarked and apparently have shared it. I don't even have the password anymore and it is under my old work e-mail address, which is defunct. I am sure it is there still, but unless you were 'friended' by me back then, you won't be able to see it or access it. I cannot even access it and that's the truth. I think it was under michaelgugg72, but I cannot even be sure. The pics on there are photos I downloaded form various times. some vacation photos, work photos...definitely the current avatar I use (and used back then) is there. I remember very little of what is on there, I admit. I don't feel comfortable anymore releasing a photo of baby Wills. I don't really trust you, sorry to say, and he's just a baby. I'm afraid Liz might disapprove. He really is cute with a sweet little face, copious black hair, big eyes...dimples. So precious, really. I really do love him so much.
I don't think I'm one of R's favorites...he seems to like everyone.though a few jealous no-life ppl there when that he always "sides with me"....I don't see that.Do you? I tend to be oblivious to these things. LOL!
You can check my livefyre account, but I do delete stuff rom there occasionally...a weird post that someone sends me (like some of these "hot" comments), r something I regret posting...but if you want to read me there...that might be the easiest way.
I was too close to running out of keystrokes to explain why I brought up that last subject about intense love feelings. I brought that subject up because I had a moment when my feelings about you just out of the blue hit me hard when I started that topic. Didn't feel the core meltdown thing as that happens suddenly and without any control whatsoever. I guess another good way to describe that sensation is that it feels like a climax happening in that solar plexus region and not associated in anyway with a sexual climax. It is sublime, an actual physical reaction triggered by intense emotion and I hope I get to feel that again someday. To further explain Michael, .. I don't know what it is about you that grabs me so hard but you just have something that penetrates me and pierces my heart. Do you happen to know a little funny fella that carriies around a bow and arrow and his name is Cupid? I have a feeling you and him have a pact with each other! Not fair ... ;)
Do you have more pictures up on your Facebook? May I take a peek? How do all these people find you on there? I've never bothered to get on Facebook but I will if I can follow you. ;) I'm dying now to see little William and would love to see a picture of lucky Liz too. I bet she is really pretty if she resembles Jennifer Connally and is 5'9" tall. I wish I had a longer torso so I wouldn't mind being a little taller. I'm still all legs. Kevin was a 'leg man' and he loved rubbing my legs and running his hand up my thigh and told me one time that I had the prettiest ones in all of Albuquerque. LOL
No, .. didn't have a falling out with Rickey. Not sure he really likes me though and I think that started way back when I was an avid Adam Lambert fan. I defended Adam ferociously from the haters and Rickey himself was a hater of Adam. He would post the extreme closeups of Adam's face all the time to show his acne scars and would deliberately post the worst pictures he could find of Adam. People were calling him out on that and when I realized he was doing it on purpose, I called him out on that too when before I had gone to the trouble of praising and defending Rickey from attacks. That is when my war w/ Kassandra and Drucilla turned extremely vicious because they were Adam haters and they zeroed in on me. It got so bad that I started trying to hide under other names and Rickey outed me! They were doing multiple names too but he didn't out them. So again, I don't think I am one of Rickey's favorites like you are. I've been getting an extreme amount of emails from animal and environment protection groups as well as the polical groups fighting against the Republicans which I support in their efforts. I must be signing and clicking on around 30 to 50 petitions on various subject matter everyday. Some of which I pass on to my twitter in hopes of getting other people involved, with the hope that all of this can make a positive difference in the world. I am literally spending hours everyday on my computer when I should be trying to do more things around here. The days just fly by and before I know it, the sun is setting and I still need to go outside and clean up dog droppings, get Bo out to feed and play with, and then start dinner. If Rickey posts something that really perks my interest, such as that animal abuse video, then I feel the need to comment. I guess I have just become a little more selective when posting, but I do skim daily through his newest topics and look for your comments. It's nice w/ Livefyre that I can just click on your avatar and see what you have said and where. The war between Idol and The Voice fans is interesting but I think I will stay out of this shitfest! LOL I like both to be honest.
Do you ever get a sudden intense 'love' feeling for someone that just kind of grabs you at that moment and makes you feel just how much you love and miss them? It seems to combine all elements. I feel it mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically as my body reacts to this sudden emotion surging through me. Sometimes I start to tear up but it affects me in the solar plexus area mostly where I can feel a variety of sensations. Sometimes an empty feeling because I miss them so much, .. or sometimes a warmth infiltrates and goes through me. It hasn't happened in years and no one seems to know what I'm talking about, but the best way I can describe it is a core meltdown feeling. An actual chemical reaction or something again in the solar plexus region that is happening in direct reaction to feeling immense love at that moment for someone. Last time it happened was when Kevin had fallen asleep on my couch and I leaned over him and took strands of my hair and ran them over the side of his face. He got the sweetest smile and never opened his eyes. That triggered that emotion and sensation in me just from that. It's rare & only happened maybe 10 or 12 times in my whole life.
From twitter:
You are so effing hawt I'd love to tap you. Post more pics on your FB.
//end/
Just hoping I can follow you. you are really hot and gorgeous and I love your avatar. blushing.
//end/
Mikhail you r the hottest piece of ass to come along since Jpage on here. I'd tap dat too.
From Rickeys:
Mikhail you are hot but what do you have to be such a hater? So hot. YUM!
//end/
You are yummy boy. Mmmmmm. I want you too.
//end/
If your facebook pics are an indication. You are HAWT!
//end/
oh man...you are hot!
//end/
Ha ha!! and this is only the past week! And I didn't post the love that was sent to me from MJs, or the other Idol sites I go to. You have soooooo much competition! LOL! Maybe I need to remove my cute pic to ward off all fo the admirers. I stopped flirting pretty much so it's nto my fault. I've been so good about curbing my flirting ...have you noticed??
I think they all want to fuck me....ha ha ha ha!!!!
J never has a problem concentrating on work...he is not the daydream, lovelorn type. He knows what he wants and pursues it and is honest with his feelings...but still realistic. He is a 'multi-tasker' so can get many things accomplished despite his emotional state. Doubt he'd ever see that kid again...the farmer...it was a fling and the kid is pretty young I think 23 or so. J typically goes for Asian men, or biracial (his preference). He has no problem attracting dudes even given his narrow parameters. His x bf, a Japanese model, came to visit a few weeks ago and they got together for 2 weeks. But the dude ended up going back to LA. I asked J if he felt he'd like to start up with him again and have him move back to NY. He just said "no, I told him I was still in love with someone else." I felt so badly. AS far as starting up with this farmer kid...I think J is better suited to someone of the same stature, professional caliber as he. He is dating, and he seems to meet these awesome guys and then he breaks it off after a month or so. Guess he's not ready. The celeb chef guy he still sees now and then. A good match for him as this chef is a good guy, very nice, polished, he is really good to J, treats him like gold. I think he was crazy about J...but J backed off for some reason. The last time I saw him he made a move on me. When I rejected him, he quickly apologized and that was that. When I p/u bro from his place and I see J...we always embrace and kiss "hello" which seems pretty normal to me. Only bro was finishing a movie so we talked and J began kissing me again...I liked it so I let him. It got pretty hot quickly...I let his tongue in my mouth, and vice versa ...you know how it gets...right? Then he began kissing my neck, so I was very aroused and erect. He reached for my crotch and began rubbing my cock.... and so I gathered my strength (the strength of 1000 men!) and told him that it wasn't a good time. He didn't fight it. That was the last time we were together. But TBH, I have been thinking non-stop about sucking him off and how much I miss it. I think because I have been w/out sex (given Liz's issues) that I am becoming more horny. Ugh....I need it badly. SOON.
Oh Lord...I'm getting "hot" comments on R's page. LOL! Yes...posters telling me again how hot I am. LOL! Hope your jealous. I think you should join in and let them know what an awesome sex machine I am. Ha ha...jealous....
Did you have a falling out w/ R? Why don't you post there? Hmmmmmmm....
Left you a response there. LOVE the name you chose ... :) I am sure J thinks about you 24/7 and I bet he has trouble concentrating on work. The love bug has bitten him hard and is buried in his heart where I don't think it will ever leave when it comes to you. Doubt he has any will at all to even want to date anyone else. It definitely wouldn't be just sex he gives you. His heart and emotions are wrapped up in being intimate w/ you. He can't help it. Is he still in contact with Alex? Since he looks like you, maybe he would be interested in trying something again w/ him. Alex is quite hot looking and seems really nice. Noticed that their product even gets advertised here. They must be doing really good. Well, trust your intuition and best judgment when it comes to J and what would be best for everyone concerned. That is all you can do ...
Are you still feeling okay, babe? If you only knew how much I care. Are you back to working full time? Have you found a new hair stylist yet? LOL
He is dedicating crap song s to me again...sending me these awesome and sexually explicit private tweets, texts and email. I know he really cares about Liz and wants me to be happy...but I get the feeling that while we are friends...he is still willing to have a sexual relationship, only to him it is much more than that. And I have been craving him lately...I haven't had 'one of those' in a while and I am hankering for some c***. Sorry...it is just what it is. And he has a hefty helping to offer. Poor Liz is still recovering (but is really better now, though no sex for us) so I don't feel right about fucking him when she just miscarried a week ago. Seems low to me. I am trying not to have sex with him...God knows I want to. I want t **** him badly...he offered to do me and I declined. Told him he didn't want to be the guy who came around to give me an occasional blow job.
Ha ha...go check your twitter...LOL!
LOL My hand looks like a bear paw! With it being the closest to the camera it looks huge! haha I have a habit of resting my chin in my hand or always touching my face if I'm sitting at my computer. I took at least half a dozen shots and that was the only one that didn't have massive shadows covering my face so I chose that one. I have a standing lamp and a halogen lamp in my office with no immediate lamp on my computer desk, and then the halogen lamp is on my oak rolltop desk that is to my left and lighting up my hair on my left side. This is just not a conducive place to get good lighting for a nice photo.
I don't think it is your imagination at all about Jeffery's affection with you. He is still a lovesick puppy wishing he could have you back, .. ESPECIALLY in bed. But he loves you to no end Michael and I don't think he wants to find himself anyone else. You ARE his true love in his heart and mind. So hard to let that go when one feels they have found that person that makes them feel that way. I feel rather bad for him but I feel even more for the situation you are in with him. I know you don't want to hurt him in any way, but letting him get intimate with you may not be good for him as he will keep hoping for more. I don't envy your situation you are in with him. I know you are trying not to be intimate with him, right? I don't want to say what you should do as it is your decision on how to handle this, and I know you are wise Michael, so I feel at peace with that knowledge. You are the only one who truly knows how to handle this given situation. I just want to support you, that's all ...
I guess I do fantasize about you making love to me when I am pleasuring myself. Hope you don't mind! I would love to show you Ms. Kitty! She loves to be licked, stared at, rubbed, and petted. I don't have to have you as a lover to already know you would be setting me on fire and making me feel out of this world, especially when you enter me. That thought makes me go wet just thinking about how good you would feel inside me. DAMN. Lucky Liz .... The thought of other men's cocks do nothing for me at all. That's the truth! But when I try to imagine yours, ... OHHHHH MY GOD AND HEAVEN HELP ME! It's because I like what it is attached to .... Need I say more?
Speaking of Stevie Nicks, .. have you ever heard her sing ' Crystal ' ? It's a really beautiful song.
Jeffery is significantly better looking than that first gay looking glamour shot. Ugh...hated it. He had some professional photos taken a couple of years ago for his company...and they all made him look gay and not very handsome. This year he hired a new person...the photos are much better. The 2nd photo that is up now he looks tired, which is not how he usually looks. And it was right before we broke up and he had been crying a lot, sad..I remember when it was taken. I'll talk him into putting another one that better resembles his hotness and you'll see what I mean. But, make no mistake, he is much better looking than I. I assure you. My pic is pretty much me...can't say it's a bad pic or I really look that much better IRL as it looks pretty much exactly like me. What you see is what you get. I'm going to tell J that you thought his pics are unattractive so then he'll change them. He is a little vain. I'm beginning to get worried...though I may be overreacting...I think eh is starting to get really into me again and I don't want that to happen. He is calling me a lot, texting again daily, sending me the sappy crappy song lyrics. I mean...it might be my imagination...maybe he's just kidding around with the messages and all...but I have a feeling he is still super hot for me. Ugh...I hope not. I really feel badly if it's true. Could be just my imagination through...
So how may times have you masturbated to my photo? LOL!! ha ha....
I think you are very pretty and yes, you do look like Stevie Niks. I am terrible with age and don't even recall your exact chronological age...52? Anyway...to me you look 40's then, right? I don't know and I probably piss off so many people when they ask me to guess age. Asians are terrible about determining age. I like your nose..so nice it looks like you have had it done. I think you would look even prettier if you shot at a more flattering angle...straight on. And remove the hand from you lower face/chin...it doesn't flatter you..and always a full smile, full mouth...lips exposed. I like long hair too....
Okay...your picture made me want to fuck you...and if I was still not so angry with you, I would. How's that for honesty?
Touche, lover boy. I bet I look younger than you envisioned. This last guy I had lunch with said I look to be between 39 and 42 in his estimation of my age. My mother had good skin and still looked really good when she died at age 83. I haven't used botox or any surgical procedures, .. yet. :) I would not be against minor enhancements and procedures as time goes on if I begin to look bad, but I think good skin care can avoid a lot of things. The sun is harsh here and my arms have more freckles than I used to have. I was disappointed and shocked once my camera on here activated as I felt it made me look horrible. The lighting in my office didn't help matters and I kept getting shadows on my face that made me look ghoulish! LOL I even have a slight bluish glow on my face from the computer screen in that photo. Well, if you think I look kinda cute and pretty, .. I'm happy with that. ;)
Yes, you're hot and I love staring at your picture. The first picture of Jeff did nothing for him, .. the one in his suit. He looked good but not as good as the one he has up now. He is handsome for sure and could even model if he wanted, but frankly I find you more appealing. How's that for honesty! *-*
I guess you're kinda cute. I guess I'd say you are sort of pretty.
Isn't that similar to what you said to me at first seeing my drop dead hot photo? You'll never know what I really think! Ha ha ha ha!!!!! 2 can play at these games.
Okay...I'll check out the photo. My hair is med to dark brown...probably dark brown now that I am older. When I was a kid, my hair was medium brown, lighter in the summers. Most people assume I am all Asian...I look the most Asian of all of my siblings. Some people assume I am South American as well, like the guy J cheated on me with, he was colombian I believe...so we look very much alike. The avatar pic was a bit over-expsoed so looks somewhat darker than I am..hair, skin. But I have olive complexion as in the photo. I'd like to say that I am better looking than that photo...but it really is quite a fair likeness. Maybe not the very most flattering photo taken of me..but it is a better one and one that does truly resemble me. As I always say...if you like Asian dudes and how they look, you'll like me. Asians think me not Asian looking (my features...face shape, nose are not typically Asian looking.) The pic was taken around 3 years back (I think), but I still look very similar, though my hair is more conservatively styled. Really not black...though I know it looks black in that pic.J is much better looking than his pic (if you've seen it)...MUCH...but he is too lazy to look for another. I feel most ppl I know are better looking in person than in pics. I believe I probably am...I know J is and I think once someone smiles, speaks and their face "comes alive" they become more attractive. Unless they are really ugly to begin with.
I did this for you, so I hope you will check it out. I had three new replies this morning! So I guess these guys think I'm okay looking. I sent this picture via email to my girlfriend in Lyons, CO whom I grew up with and haven't seen in years. She was shocked and said I looked good and haven't changed much at all. Asked me what my secret was to still looking young. I think the picture is very mediocre and not very good to be honest. I might eventually replace it, but for now it will give you an idea of how I look and I think you will see I do resemble Sharon Tate a bit, especially in the eyes and facial structure. I have a good playlist of songs on my profile and I like to start playing the songs and then minimize my profile so I can web surf and listen to my favorite songs at the same time. Well, anyway I hope I am what you envisioned. When I saw you, I envisioned you with lighter hair as your hair looks so black in that picture but I know you said your shirt was actually blue so I realize coloring is off. I love black hair on guys so no problem there anyway. I just reemeber you describing yourself w/ medium brown hair. You also looked slightly more Asian than I envisioned, but I LOVE Asian looking men so that is not a complaint by any means. Your nice smile and dimples are a plus. You have a nice mouth and lips and your eyes are very nice. Overall, yes I consider you handsome! :)
I hesitate to talk about myself, so tell me how you're doing. Any firm date yet as to when you must leave for London? Is Liz okay now or is she mourning the loss of your baby? Does she know about Kate yet?
Ha ha...okay, I tried but realize in order to view your profile I have to open an account. So I began by going through the required steps and inserting bs just to create an inauthentic profile. Then when I attempted to access your profile, it kept stalling. So, I minimized the screen while I was waiting for it to load or opt back so I could do some other work, and then it completely opted out. So, now I forgot the user name and password that I quickly created and need to start over again and create a new profile. Ugh! Will when I have a bit more time. Later today...
You know...I was only trying to make you follow through...I don't much care what you look like nor am I really that curious of a person. My assumption was that you wouldn't do it. Well, now that you have your profile pic up...you may be getting messages from more dudes trying to meet you. I think if there is no photo the assumption made by many is you are either ugly and/or terribly over weight. LOL! It will be good for you to bust that myth....right?
Go to DateHookup.com MatrixStorm. The picture was taken last night in my office. The lighting is terrible, .. almost looks black and white. I look much better in person. Honest! ;)
Michael, I just went throught the booklet and all paperwork that came with my computer and there is NOTHING about how to operate this camera. This is an MSI desktop computer using windows 7. I went to Google and typed in: How to take pictures w/ my MSI built in camera. I didn't find any clear cut instructions on what to do. I did press Fn and F6 simultaneously and if it turned it on, it sure didn't show me anything. HELP ! If you can find any instructions on what I need to do, could you copy them over for me. If not, I will try to get Jamie to help me figure this out when he gets home. He usually heads to his best friend's house after work and stays there until 9 or 10 pm before heading home, so it is likely I can't get a picture up till late tonight or sometime tomorrow. I'm trying so don't give up on me ....
Something About You by Level 42
Now
how can it be that a love
carved out of caring
Fashioned by fate
could suffer so hard
From the games played once too often?
But making mistakes is a part of life's imperfection
born of the years.
Is it so wrong to be human after all?
Drawn into the stream of undefined illusion.
Those diamond dreams they can't disguise the truth.
That there is something about you
baby, ..
so right.
I wouldn't be without you
baby
tonight.
If ever our love was concealed no one can say that
We didn't feel a million things and a perfect dream of life.
Gone fragile but free
we remain tender together
If not so in love
It's not so wrong
we're only human after all.
These changing years they add to your confusion
Oh
and you need to hear the time that told the truth.
Because there's something about you
baby, ..
so right.
I couldn't live without you
baby
tonight.
And now there's something about you
And I couldn't be without you tonight.
You may have offered to reluctantly send me a photo in a "mentioning in passing" sort of way ...you never really encouraged me to send you one, that strongly, because you assumed I'd prob want one in return. Just stop playing games and trying to convince me of soemthing other than the reality and the truth of you motives. I got your number. 'kay?
I.Hate.Julie. Trust that. R likes calling her over and getting her to debate..it's fun. I have nothing going on with any of these people! Please! My life is complicated enough. I don't really flirt anymore I just joke around. I don't lead people on or give them the wrong impression. These people on line are just having fun...if I thought they had some internet crush on me (LO!) I'd stop altogether. REally...I mean you only se Rickey's site and clearly no one there is hot for me. At least it isn't evident to me so flirting is innocent then since I'm not leading them on. Right? I got a few (quite a few actually...) message on twitter, MJs, R's site via twitter and livefyre...just saying Iw as "hot" or really cute or handsome mostly. Actually...from both dudes and women.I never got as many when I took down my pics...but once I put it back up about a month ago...they started flowing in. Go figure. Not my fault, right? It's not like I'm encouraging it.
But I have asked you for pictures a number of times and I DID offer to send you pics of me. If I have to, I'll dig up the conversation somehow even though it means sifting through tons of conversation. I distinctly remember talking about that when you mentioned a picture Jeffery took of you asleep naked on your bed with your laptop on you, and you said you should send that to me. Well, where is it? haha That is when I told you I would send you pictures if you sent me some. Remember? :)
It sounds like you are trying to seduce Julie, just so you know. What's new with Jamanda? Are you getting something going with her? How did she contact you privately?
I love you ~~~ Be patient with me, I'm still a work in progress. I WILL get you a picture at the latest, .. tomorrow. If I have any trouble figuring this out I may have to ask you a question or two about it along the way. Jamie is at work and he can get impatient and crabby with me if I don't catch him in a ready mood to help.
Here's a song for you, .. ' Principles of Lust ' by Enigma
I only want you to stand by your word and prove that you have integrity. It's simple. If I cared that much what you looked like I would have demanded something long ago. I know you were absolutely dying to see what I looked like since you were literally BEGGING John for an image of me and J....basically bribing him and you were so desperate to see me. Jeesh...I had no idea. You never pushed me for a photo and the reason is because you knew you would have to provide one in return. I know that. don't deny it baby.
And then I also know you think I'm fucking hot but you won;t admit it because you live this 1950's fantasy that females need to play hard to get, and not inflate the guy's ego in order to win them. Well, fail baby! I don't care about that crap. Honesty turns me on. I know you look at my pic and are dying to fuck me so there. You would not believe how many emails, personal messages, comments on boards I get from ppl...on twitter too, LOL! They tell me I'm hot and how much they want to do bad things to me...LOL! It is flattering...though I am not one into ego strokes...it does make me like them more. Unlike you with your games. People must be into Asians more these days, I guess. you think I'm cute, I'm not stupid. I'd like you more if you were forthcoming. Ha ha....
I am not condescending to you and you seem very insecure about your lack of a hefty personal lexicon and your inability to properly understand the definition of this word. Don't be so damn defensive. "Tangent" does not, in any way, imply hostility or evoke angered emotion. You were wrong in understanding the definition of the term and you do not know the actual meaning of the word. Big Whoop! Nobody's perfect and I happen to know more than most...but who gives a shit. It's just a fact. A curse at times...but deal with it baby. Stop starting an argument so you don't have to follow through.
I am not as computer savvy as you are, .. I am still learning. Jamie is VERY computer savvy and has even eradicated nasty viruses off of here, yet he has never used the camera and when I asked him how, .. he told me he didn't know. And no, I didn't know the manual is listed on screen though I know many instructions are. Call me stupid if you want. I am going to start with my booklet and read up on it. I told you I should be able to get a pic up either today or tomorrow. Good God. You've waited over three yrs. so another day or two at most should suffice, amigo. Hold onto your pants! I'm trying to appease you ... ;)
I knew full well what ' tangent ' meant. No need to condescend. I took it as your telling me I went off on a 'tangent' with my mood. Sorry! More miscommunication between each other.
SEE! I am always right! You lie to me, betray me, over and over but because I am "hostile" you didn't provide the pic you are AFRAID to provide. I am always right. I knew you didn't have the class or the integrity to answer me honestly without blaming me. I had good reason in the past not to release another photo on line, you never had a good reason. Excuses excuses excuses...you won't be around today, you need to access your manual...you said you would do it and now you blame me for your unwillingness. You cannot prove me wrong because I am always right about you. I have NEVER been wrong. Now this is more ammunition for you to blame me for not doing it. ALL computer manuals are on line. All sites have simple instruction on how to install avatars. You know this. Prove to me that you are credible and sincere. Don;t feign indignation to get out of this. I.Know.You
I did not say you had a "hissy fit", or anything of the kind. I did not say "extreme tantrum" I said "extreme tangent". Do you know what the word tangent means? It is a sharp or sudden digression or course change, as in someone "going off on a tangent" during a speech. Your went on and on in this other direction based on one simple comment I made. Jesus...please go invest in a dictionary. It's really not a difficult word.
Didn't see your last post until I posted. I was unsure if you were even going to stick around and talk to me so didn't know if it would even be worth going to the trouble to post a picture because I would be doing it just for you, plus you were hostile which didn't motivate me very much. I said to give me a "few" days, not a couple. LOL If you still want me to, I will. Probably start with putting it on my dating profile as that will be easier for me. Can you still access my profile? I still need to grab my manual and read up on how to use this camera on here. If not today, I should be able to get it up by tomorrow. I planned to go to Bernallilo sometime today to drop off my resume at a company I want to work for so that will cut into my time at some point. I'll do the best I can, babe. I WILL follow through since I know you're serious now, and hopefully you're in a mood where you won't tear me apart! :)
That wasn't a hissy fit, darling. I'm just trying to get some meaningful dialog going with you. You know damn well I care about you and I've tried to show that. I want to know about YOU. How are you feeling? How is Liz? Is everything okay now? Have you told her about Kate? How is William? How is Jeffery? Do you know yet when you must leave for London?
What I meant to articulate was you can say what you need to say in 2 sentences without all of the superfluous and unnecessary detail about your childhood. Guys don't care. Tryst me...even the gay ones. If you want to write a novel, write about something interesting and detail is fine...as long as it's not drawn out.
You said days ago you were to put up a twitter photo...well, where is it? LOL! I knew you wouldn't and you have no excuse, except the honest one: you don't want people (me) to see what you look like. I called it, I knew it and I fully expect you not to respond to this. I know you will try to ignore it and pretend you didn't read it. Good time for you to break contract with me now since no excuse this time will work. I don't care if you are not pretty or even plain unattractive, I just want you to follow through on something, show that you can follow through on one little thing. Doesn't matter what you look like. I have an answer to every possible reason (lie) you could provide as to why you are backing out or why you refuse to do this now after you said "give me a couple of days." Does your word matter? I will be proven right again when you ignore this post and pretend not to have read it. Think hard of a way to blame me now, miss predictable. Try me.
p.s. do NOT piss me off again with bs insults and blame game lies!!!!
I don't understand the reason for your extreme tangents when clearly no segue was offered....and the need to fill in pointless and extraneous detail, unsolicited no less. I am sure I am being rude, but to be honest...with your recent treatment of me and your proven inconsideration of me and of my feelings ...I don't much care. Sorry....
Guess I should have talked about the weather instead. Sorry. Would much rather hear about you, but you ignore my questions and interest in you. What's a girl to do? :(
It was just a comment. I didn't need to hear to hear Chapter one of your autobiography.
Oops. Meant to spell short 'waisted', not 'wasted' ! LOL
I thought of my family as a normal family. I think we were. Mom and dad would intervene and tell my brothers to quit if they caught them, but they called me names like 'spaghetti legs', ' cricket legs', 'bird gut', ' Bambi' or 'stupid'. My body seemed out of proportion when I was young because I was skinny w/ long legs and I am a bit short wasted like a Barbi doll. I've mentioned before they would throw rocks and dirt clods at me. Little bro almost killed me when he threw a clawed hammer one time. My older brother would pin me to the living room floor and hover over me threatening to drop spit on my face. LOL He never did but it would terrify me. The worst thing he would do is scare me when I had to go down in the dark basement to pee. It was the only bathroom in the house and my parents never kept lights on down there. You would have to get to the bottom of the stairs and then find a light switch feeling in the dark. Hated that ! It was spooky down there without lights on. Our big furnace was in the bathroom and it made rumbling noises. The minute I got down about halfway on the stairs Bill would call out, " Don't let the boogy man get you!" or "Don't let the monster get you." I would fly right back up the stairs crying and begging someone to go down there with me. Usually someone would, but one time they didn't so I went into my parents bedroom on the main floor and pee'd in a waste can and then put a bunch of Kleenex in there to cover it up. To this day I am scared of the dark and keep night lights on in every room of my house. That basement made me have bad dreams, especially that furnace. I kept having repeating dreams that there was an evil and angry man living inside of it and he wanted to get to me and kill me. There weren't any doors on our three bedrooms so I could see from my bedroom into my sister's room and on her wall where I could see from my bed was a tin plate covering an unused vent pipe hole. That is where he would try to get out in my dreams. Here is the strangest thing that happened one night. I was having that usual dream and he was pounding on that tin plate trying to get out to get me. All of a sudden in that dream he pounded hard enough and broke through and was starting to crawl out of there. That had never happened before, and simultaneously the pressure in the furnace blew that tin plate off and sent it at least 6 ft. across my sister's bedroom floor making a huge exploding pow and pop sound that had me screaming and crying since it coincided with my dream. I'll never forget how scary that was. It was almost like my dreams were warning me. It never happened again where that plate blew off. Can't remember if I kept having that dream after that, but I was always afraid of that basement once night time came. I loved my cute little bright southern lit bedroom though and didn't mind being down there in the day time. Remember too, this was out in the country where we were isolated from neighbors and streetlights. Moonless nights brought incredible darkness. Sometimes I would hear my own heartbeat in my ear as my head laid on the pillow but I didn't know what that was then. I got it in my head that there was another evil man outside my basement window in the yard and he wanted to get me too and my heartbeat was his footsteps coming towards my window. Geez, .. and then many times when I was at the point exactly between wake and sleep, I would here a panicked whisper that seemed to actually be audible coming from a corner of my room up by the ceiling and it would call out, " Barbara ". It never ever said anything else and I couldn't tell if it was the voice of a man or woman, only that it sounded urgent & panicked. Thought at first my brother, whose bedroom was just on the other side of the stairway was doing it but I would listen & I could tell he was asleep & my sis wouldn't do that to me. I was 22 yrs old last time it happened. I was extremely shy as a child.
Then I guess past abuse (PTSD) and feelings of inferiority are the reason. Sounds like you were treated badly by your siblings. Maybe you need to explore that more. Could be why...
I was a middle child, and everyone that has been a middle child knows that sucks! I got picked on by my older brother and my youngest brother who would gang up on me. My sis was 10 yrs older and into her own thing. Her long fingernails would slash my arm if she caught me in her makeup or putting on her cologne. LOL
In regard to your first line....then stop repeating the same mistakes and you won't have to apologize. What do you expect? To betray and have people ignore it? Whatever...I am not handling you with kid gloves lady...toughen up. Can't handle the repercussions of your behaviour, then try to do right by people. Simple as that.
You must have been a youngest child. You act like the spoiled 'boo-hoo' baby of the family. Really...
To be honest, .. I am even sick of hearing myself apologize all over the place. Truth is, .. you scare me to death because your words can be so harsh and judgmental. You deliberately try to wound and hurt me with the things you say. That makes me even more scared of you. I have learned to fear men, sorry to say. I don't think I have to tell you why, .. you know. I am far from perfect and I know that, but I also know I have a loving heart and I mean to hurt no one, especially you. Anything I have faltered at was not done with ill intent. Surely you know that. Even as honest as you are, and I would say you are probably the most honest human being I have come across besides my mom and dad of whom I can't remember them ever being dishonest, lying, deceiving or betraying anybody, .. even you have not made it through your life without uttering a lie here or there at some point in your life. I know your blood pressure just went up with that statement and you are getting angry with me again and you will tell me I am once again deflecting blame, but for God sakes, it's true. We are all human, Michael. I am asking you to forgive me and my imperfections and put your focus instead on the good I have inside me. I am kind, I am loving, and I'm trying to make a positive difference in the world. I know that doesn't happen when I become deceitful or tell an out and out lie. I KNOW and I'm trying to find the courage to never do that again. I become fearful when I think the truth might hurt someone. ESPECIALLY when I think you will be hurt. The irony is, .. and I do see it now, it is the lie in itself that hurts you worse than anything else. I get it. I won't do that anymore. It would help me a lot if you just wouldn't judge me so harshly because that puts the fear in me. I really do love you and I want you to become proud of me. I know that is far off and I have my work cut out for getting you to that point, but I want to do that, Michael.
But you deliver these insincere apologies, ad nauseam. And I say they are "insincere" because you deliver them and then begin to defend WHY you committed the offense...and then begin to subtlety blame me in part...and continue to jab at me for doing the same thing. YOU ARE WRONG. I don't do the things that you do: betray, deceive, lie and make cowardly excuses for my behavior like a scared little child. "You protect your little buddies and I was only trying to do the same."-----THAT says it all. Thanks for the non-apology. M E A N I N G L E S S
I did the wrong thing, Michael. And it has cost me dearly and hurt you in the process. I respect the way you feel and have no right to expect anything else. Wish I could go back and change things, but I can't. I can only tell you once again that I have my regrets and it is a tough lesson learned. I don't know what else I can say except I am sincerely sorry I let you down and disappointed you. My judgments and decisions were wayyy off from what they should have been and that scares me about myself. I feel I am smart but where my head was at those moments that critical decisions were made and acted out, .. God only knows. The best I can do now is live and learn, .. and aspire to do better next time and NOT be afraid to always tell the truth no matter the consequences.
Correction to previous message: "@" should be "2" (as in 2 years).
Re: Liz...Iw as not able to arouse her from her sleep because before bedtime she felt some back pain (I suspected the start of a miscarriage, but thought it would be in around 48 hours) so her Doc told her she could take 2 tylenol pm which is safe in pregnancy...the sleep aid put her right to sleep. The blood looked t be more than it was (it always does)...the gyn said there was no additional bleeding...though if she miscarried alter (say after 10 weeks) it could have been serious. She did hemorrhage but they were able to stop it quickly. She will not have a sterilizing or permanent birth control procedure. She feels that if she waits a year, her doc will giver her the 'green light' to possibly have another. I don't think so. I cannot have a vasectomy behind her back...that would be wrong and she is very much again it. J thinks I should have one to potentially "save her life."
I don't know what direction my own life is headed so planning for another child is not something I feel Ic an do now. She doesn't like to hear that...but it's the truth. Unless I know I'll be healthy for many years...not fair to bring another child into the world.
I don't care if Frank discuss stuff with friends in person or on the phone or on email. I cannot prevent that. I don't want him talking about very personal, intimate or tragic things as they relate to Liz on the internet anymore where others can read it. What happens on the tech site, stays on the tech site. He knows that now. BTW...sorry, but I trust him more than I trust you. He does not lie when asked a question outright...and I don't even talk to him as much as I talk to you. Seems Frank and I are closer than you and I are. You look at it as "trying to communicate" fine...you have communicated for your narrow viewpoint the following to me: that you are only partially to blame and that it was not an 'out and out lie' (WRONG--IT WAS) and that you were trying to do the right thing by protecting someone you barely know --"protecting" them from what??? That is bullshit. (YOU LIED TO ME WHEN I TRUSTED YOU TO PROTECT SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T TALKE DTO IN @ YEARS!!), Then you tell me at the end of your insincere apology " you protect your little buddies and Iw as only trying to do the same"...WHAT THE FUCK? That is such a BS thing to say and rips the credibility away from any so-called apology you were attempting to deliver! Firstly, this is NOT about anything I did! I was not the offender...YOU were. Secondly, she's not your friend you fool!You knew that before you betrayed me. You pretend you feel so close and love me so much but betray me at the drop of a hat! YES! THAT is what you did. Then you only F-ing care about yourself and things that you imagine I did to you...talk about protecting my "little buddies" . That's another load of crapola from you to detract from your offense.You are so self-absorbed! Always has to come back to you and how I did something to you! DON'T YOU SEE IT YET??? I do not lie when you ask me a question straight out. I know L better than I know you...I met her twice and have known her longer, and we had an intimate encounter. Yet...I would not have lied under the same circumstances even though I know her profoundly better than you know that other person you supposedly had to protect. This other person with whom you betrayed me posted insulting things to you about your age, etc. on that twitter poll when you were being derided. You never "knew" her, barely 'spoke' with her and you never keep in touch! WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG, I WILL NEVER TRUST YOU! I DON'T LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE! IF I WAS DESERTED ON A DESSERT ISLAND I WOULD NOT BE INTIMATE WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST SURVIVING FEMALE AS I ONLY AM INTIMATE WITH PPL I TRUST ON SOME BASIC LEVEL. WE DO NOT HAVE THAT.
I hope that this time I made myself clear.
How will you understand my thought processes or where I am coming from if I don't explain, Michael. I'm just trying to communicate. My apologies and regrets are most sincere. I wish you wouldn't doubt that. I understand how you feel and don't blame you one bit. I don't deserve your trust at this point. I know that. My own damn fault. I want to earn it back and I know it will be a painful and slow process, but in the end I know I can do it if you don't give up on me. Not important right now considering what you and Liz are going through.
It sounds like she was mostly unconscious from blood loss, .. do I have that right? Did they have to give her something or operate then to stop the bleeding? Did she complain of any cramping earlier in the evening? I ask because I suffered a miscarriage and it started out like a normal period but quickly led to very acute cramping and bleeding that was so severe that I feared I would pass out. I started sweating profusely as well. I had Jamie running to get a portable fan blowing on me and a wet washcloth. He was only around eight yrs old when this happened and I feared him freaking out if I went unconscious, so I called my mom who lived about a mile away and asked if she and my younger brother who was in town from Arizona visiting her, if they would hurry over. By the time they got here some ten minutes later, the severe cramping had ceased and I started feeling okay other than feeling exhausted. I had just mowed my entire front lawn right before it started happening and that probably helped bring this on. Didn't even realize it was a miscarriage till later that evening when I was showering and heard something make a thump sound on the shower floor. A clump of flesh and I was shocked. Didn't have fetus form yet but I could see little tiny nubs forming that would have been the very first beginnings of toes and fingers. I would say my miscarriage was over basically within an hour of time. It sounds most fortunate that you woke up when you did and discovered what was happening. Sounds like she could have died in her sleep. I am truly sorry for what she suffered and pray all will be okay. I hope you can get through to her that she cannot possibly contemplate having another child. There are some other options you can consider if the two of you still want another child together. You could freeze some of your sperm and get a vasectomy if she refuses tubal ligation. Then they could harvest eggs from her and you two can find a surrogate mother. How about her sister? Then you wouldn't have to worry about a stranger changing her mind. And certainly you two could just adopt a child to give William a sis or brother on down the line. I really hope you can get through to her though that she can't be doing this anymore. Is she still in the hospital?
I didn't even bother to spell check...the last message is virtually unreadable. Good luck deciphering it.
I don't like your message. Again...deflecting blame. You try to compose this quasi pseudo -apology veiled in a self-gratifying self-complimentary form while getting your digs in with me in the process of delivering the insincere mea culpa. I'll touch upon that later. Fuck that baby.
As far as forgiving myself. Ther eis no question that ti was my fault and the aftermath and her health issues are a direct result from my sellfish act. You see...I wnated her to egt the abortiona dn I amde her feel guilty about not having one, I even resorted to making her feel like our realtionship coudl eb in jeopardy (whihc was not true) if she did nto agree. Seh begged me give her mre time. I refused. She told me she felt uneasy and scared...I told her she was being selfish. So, no I will never forgive myself. The fact that I coerced her into it and what happended in the process and after is all a cosntant stark reminder of my sin. I deserve it. Seh doesnt; blame me even a little. NEver did. But how is one to react when a few days ago I wake up at 4:00 am for a glass of water, walk into the bathroom, notice ther is blodd on my thigh adn waist. In my unalert and sleepy state, I gasp and look for somerhe on my body where the blood is coming from...until I relaize it was hers. I rush into the bed rm, pull down her blanket and see her asleep atop of bloody sheets...Jesus! Can you even imagine? I coudlnto wake her up...so bgin to shake her. Once she stands up...mroe blood rushes out so I call the doctor who confirms it is a miscarriage. She is so tired, half-asleep, and I have no idea how much blood she lost. So I decide to take her to the hospital at 4:30 am...first I have to clean all the blood off of her, she is too tired to do it herself. I physically hold her up and stand in the shower to rinse off the blood, dress her and then take her in my car as she sleeps in the passenger's seat. The seat of my car is covered in blood once I carry her out into the emergency room. Then she begins to cry when she realizes she is in the hospital again....gets worse from there and I can't even write more about this. But how do you expect me to feel? Of course all of this is my fault. It is!! I don't require nor do I deserve absolution for my past wrongs. Then for the doctor to tell both of us (While looking directly at me) that she cannot sustain these miscarriages at this rate and the bleeding next time will be worse. And that she was 7-8 weeks or so pregnant...much too soon for intercourse after a high risk delivery (yeah...I know). See...I convinced her that intercourse was fine around 3 or 4 weeks after giving birth and that if it was painful, we could stop. I knew she wouldn't deny me...and I wanted to make love to her. I knew she wouldn't say no to me. And of course since she was breast feeding, no worries about pregnancy I told her...right?? WRONG. She had slowed down as she had to go to Amstrd for 3 days so she was cutting back on her nursing.
Okay. NOW can you see why I DESERVE to feel guilty and why all of this is my fault? I appreciate honestly, not people simply trying to make me feel better. I feel like shit. Her father fucking hates me now and thinks I'm a pervert. He was not any too happy that she was that pregnant. He doesn't forget easily either.
Other stuff alter. Cannot believe the fake apologies you deliver with your little digs, defenses, modifications and caveats. My level of truth and honesty is not to lie. You lied. The reason doesn't matter. Anyone I hang around with would be in utter agreement with me. And you DID lie. You DID OUTRIGHT LIE to me. I asked you a question...you knew the answer...you deliver an untruthful response. So self-serving and mean. Don't you get it? It wasn't a white lie it was a deception. Jesus! Wake up!! More later....I am not through with you. And no, I will never trust you, ever. Not even on my death bed. And I will never forgive you. You have already used up your quota. You never learn....
It's time for you to forgive yourself, Michael. And NO, it doesn't make me happy any of this is happening. I am not an unfeeling monster for god sakes. Liz and I both know that you would have never put her through an abortion if you knew then what you know now. Nobody blames you so stop blaming yourself. The energy you expend thinking that is wasted, useless, and does you no good. So please, stop beating yourself up for something so far in the past that you were not given twenty twenty hindsight for. It's not your fault. You would not have done it if you had known what would happen. We all have things in our past we would do differently if only we had known. Right? Let go .... and let the healing begin. It's time ... :)
I knew of this from your exchanges on twitter with Jeff. You and I both know Frank well enough though to know that he told his little sidekick Sarah. They are very hungry gossip mongers when it comes to you. They LIVE for the latest gossip on you. Otherwise their lives would be very boring. They share emails back and forth with each other so I'm sure Sarah knows the minute Frank gets hold of something. Frank can't keep his mouth shut to save his life.
I don't blame you at all for beating me up about lying and deceit. I've damaged my rep and standing with you immensely and I know it is my own damn fault. I don't like hurting anyone, and I have danced around your probing questions in the past in hopes of protecting others, in hopes of protecting you, and even protecting myself. I try like the dickens not to deceive and out and out lie. Don't know if I have actually told a bold face lie, God I hope not. The thought of damage or repercussions from naked truth being told when I know somebody is going to get hurt mortifies and terrifies me to death. And then knowing what a lie itself can do only magnifies the situation and terrifies me even more. I've been a coward at times and have made some bad choices on how to handle some of the situations in the past. If you look closely at every given situation, Michael, .. you will see that I meant no harm to anyone and that means especially you. I aspire everyday to be a better person and you have raised the bar in me to be even higher and more honest than I ever have been before. For example, in my past I have made up excuses to girlfriends when they wanted me to go out with them and I just wasn't in the mood to. Instead of just telling them that, I would tell them I had a headache and wasn't feeling well, or something along that line. Didn't want to tell them the truth that I just didn't want to because I knew they would spend time trying to coax me to go anyway. I was also afraid their feelings might be hurt. Do you see what I mean? With your level of honesty I should have been more forthright and just told them I didn't feel like doing it and just dealt with whatever they threw back at me. It has never been my wish to lie and hurt you, and yet it has happened. I'm sorry beyond words Michael. I can only tell you I will keep trying to never put you or myself in that situation again. I talk to nobody and shouldn't have even tried to approach TLC. I felt a smidgen of gratitude and loyalty to her only because I thought she liked me since she kind of defended me in the past and we shared a few good times back in the good old days when we were all getting to know each other. You protect your little buddies and I was only trying to do the same. Doesn't justify the way I went about it though. I know that. Sorry I hurt you yet again. :( I hope you will forgive me knowing I am trying to be the honest person you want me to be.
Tell me how you know about this miscarriage? Is it from reading my twitter that I set up for blogging? Or J's twitter? If so...that's okay. I just want to know whether Frank is leaking shit about Liz which will not sit well with me. He has been warned again. He is not to talk about Liz or anything I mention about her on the tech site. LOL!....Why waste my time...I don't even for a second expect for you to be honest by answering where you read about it, I know you didn't 'guess' that she had a miscarriage. ...You'll just do whatever to cover lies. Lie for no reason. I am sure I won't get an honest answer out of you as you will default to lying, per usual, even when it isn't necessary. It's how you are made. Look out for number one!! Right?
I know it was too early and I'm not upset over "losing the baby" as it wasn't even really a baby...just a potential one. It was still early (though later than we thought). It's not liek we tried to get pregnant or even thought it possible. She did not menstruate yet and she was nursing so presumably not ovulating. Apparently she was as the doc said her pregnancy was "7 weeks or so along. " I am not upset over the end of the pregnancy (and the possibility of a 2nd child) as I am am worried for her...the emotional toll, the copious hemorrhaging associated , the physical trauma of another miscarriage and uterine scarring...the fact that she refuses to undergo a tubal ligation or a partial hysterectomy even thought he doctors said another pregnancy could potentially end her life. So yeah....it's hard. She refused a D&C this time as she had 3 previous, plus the abortion, plus natural miscarriages...and she feels that D&C causes more uterine scarring which is prob the reason for all of the miscarriages. She will unlikely ever sustain another term pregnancy. She will likely hemorrhage heavily any time she is pregnancy and require transfusions and hospitalization. Too much damage from the late abortion and all the complications after...plus all of the successive miscarriages and surgical procedures; and giving birth this last time certainly took it's physical toll. Every time something like this happens to her...I know why it is happening and I know who is to blame. I am sure all of this makes you very happy knowing that I feel more self-hatred for constantly putting her through this shit.
You're talking about Liz, and she lost the baby. Babe, it was just too soon and not meant to be. Her body wasn't ready for this yet. I had worries this would happen. I hope she is okay and healing from this. Hope you're okay too .... ~~~
after "spiritual" insert "connection".
Get off the Sharon Tate obsession...stop thinking you have some spiritual to a highly publicized murder victim. It is troubling. Okay? Many people share the same birthdays...I don't really care or think it meaningful. It's a 1/364 chance. Ugh....
I can't answer your other ERRONEOUS statements which are either lies, mistruths, incorrect assumptions or all of the above. I am going through a tough patch now (not for me...but for those around me) and you need to realize that the universe was NOT created to simply revolve around you. Capisch?
I just discovered something I wasn't aware of till now, .. an odd coincidence. Sharon Tate and I were both born on January 24th. I've been reading up on her bio and they showed her death certificate. Sad ...
Just heard on the CBS evening news that the warning is going out about cyber attacks happening primarily by Russia and China. The expert said it will happen, .. it's just a matter of time. Besides our power grids and air travel being prime targets, .. he said any Fortune 500 company will also be a bull's eye for them. All they have to do is send an innocent looking email that could look very business like and professional, and once it is clicked on, it's all over. I thought immediately about Jeffery, .. and I'm sure he has already thought about this, .. but you might want to mention this to him nonetheless. Hope you're doing okay .... ~~~
How does Julie know about Daniel? I had the impression you two just have different likes and opinions. Does it go beyond that? I only remember giving her one 'like' because I agreed w/ her that Idol is more likable than The Voice. It wasn't personal. I admitted to you that there were several times when you were snotty and bitchy to me that I returned the favor by giving you thumbs down for the day. You've done the same to me so you aren't innocent either. In any case, that was all silly stuff that shouldn't be taken seriously. If Rickey is honest, he would also tell you that I have given you many thumbs up as well. Many of the 'likes' you now have come from me. When you downed Josh, I gave you a thumbs down but that shouldn't surprise you. Not all of them I gave you were even personal. They were also a show that I simply disagreed with you. I wasn't EVER trying to make you feel inferior, darling. Sometimes you really do take things too personally. I don't hold any thumbs down against you because that is all silly crap anyway. I'm also not holding it against you that you VERY recently though indirectly try to take a dig at me with the frauen comment, or when you called me " sod off bitter old hag " to rezzy. Not offended because they don't fit me. When you see how I look you will understand. I am also smart enough to know that many things that get said in anger between us is not really heart felt. I certainly regret a few hurtful things I have said to you in the past, and you have expressed the same. If my heart was laid bare RIGHT NOW for you to see what I feel for you and what I have always felt, you would be wrapped up in pure love. We have our stupid moments with each other and our misunderstandings which are 90% of the problem, but at the heart of all of this, .. I hold nothing but love for you. You mean so much to me, Michael. You may not yell at me vocally, but when you scold me and tell me you hate me more than Hitler and Julie, don't think it doesn't hurt. I feel so much like a child trying to please their parent with you, but I'm always screwing up and getting scolded for things I do that had good intentions behind them but somehow still went awry. I'm not evil for God sakes. I can't believe this last thing that happened! It felt like I was between a rock and a hard place again and I truly didn't want to hurt anyone, especially you! Yet I ended up doing that anyway by not being forthright with you. I am regretful on how I handled it, which was misguided and piss poor. Didn't even realize I had told a lie to you until I went back and re-read what I had told you. Deplorable for sure, babe. No excuses. I usually don't have a problem being very honest and forthright w/ people, but for some reason I keep being tested in these odd situations that keep happening in regards to you. It is unreal and uncanny, .. like God and you are testing me! Just when I think I can't possibly betray or hurt you again, .. up pops another strange situation like this last one where I am more or less forced to choose loyalties. I really am a loving person Michael and I get no joy out of hurting anyone. I can only hope you see that I meant no hurt or harm to you or her, and that you have a big enough heart to forgive me. I know I'm asking a lot, but no ill intent was involved here. I learn yet again that even the smallest deception has its consequences ... :(
Not too many keystrokes left, but I'm glad you told me about Daniel and gave examples of what you go through with him. I had no idea he acts up in the middle of the night as well. God, that must be incredibly hard on you. To try to stay calm and balanced w/ him at times like those takes the will of a saint. I feel for you and love you all the more for taking such good care of him. Is he okay now after getting shot down by that girl? Did you take him to Hugo? I'm curious if that movie is worth going to see.
she instigated it and R knew...he was afraid that others might start with liberal language...he NEVER would have censored me...so I deleted it myself. It was for 'show' more than anything. And then, you give him a 'like' for the fake reprimand post to me. He and I thought that was odd...very odd. So, now you have proven to be both a backstabber and a liar. Case closed. Go back to the posts that entire week and see where you systematically added "likes" to everyone around me. for no reason. Just to be a bitch to me...you were not even mad at me then. Crazy!! IS that what friends do? You didn't know...at the time...that it was so easy to identify who was 'liking' a post with R's new system. He thought it was odd that you were liking those awful and hostile Julie (and other) posts around me...just t be a bitch to me. you know why you did it so don;t support your pathetic actions now. R has watched out for me and has told me when other ppl around me post as 2 or 3 different people. He has called them out and even apologized in the thread to me (the last Allison Iraheta post of a few months back is a good example). Anyway.. I don't "know" him (as much as you can actually 'know' someone on line) as well as I 'know' you and yet, for no reason at all is more loyal to me than you ever were. Go figure!
Knowing how "angry" I get "terrifies" you? Angry? I never yell...never...well, very very rarely. Occasionally I raise my voice at Daniel only...but he is very difficult. You have NO idea. Jeffery is so damn good with him. I love Dan, but he has a disability and it is very challenging to mainstream him into 'normal' society. If you only knew the half of it. But, I very rarely even yell at him...though I've raised my voice in a strong parental tone on a few occasions (like when he told me he was going to strip naked and jump out of our balcony window if I didn't let him buy something he decided he wanted at 2:00 in the morning while I was sound asleep; or when he told me he was going to go to the police and tell them he was being abused if I didn't take him to the movie at that very moment -- 5:00AM -- 6 hours before the theatre even opened for the day, etc. I've never yelled at or struck a woman (never hit a dude either...never even came close). Even Bea I never struck back in defense even when she was hitting me...and she yelled at me often...hit me ...slapped and punched me. I threatened to hit her back once if she sk]lapped me again...doubt I would have. So to say I "scare " you when my speaking voice is quiet in tone and low...yes deep...but I just don't raise my voice. I don't yell.I have a very deep, but low and quiet tone to my voice and am rarely negatively emotive. You bring out the bastard in me with your games and ploys and deceptions. You are just not nice to me and you do not treat me respectfully. There are a few things I will not tolerate: liars, deceivers, those unwilling to take responsibility, and bitchy attitudes (when a woman nags me). So you can say I scare you...but that is just your own baggage from your past or your own guilt. I won't forgive you for this one, no...right on the heels of another offense with copious apologies. That you can deceive and lie to me so easily, well THAT scares me. You do these little crafty and insidious things in a pathetic and vain attempt to make me feel inferior...these betraying things. Like when R had that stupid thumbs up and down...I was told by a very reliable source (ahem...) that you gave me 70-75% or more of the thumbs down! And you are just one person. Why? And it was true...I saw the evidence! The 'person' who confided this thought it was weird since he could see us talking 'nicey-nicey' on the site. I ignored it and didn't really say anything to you ...but, it IS weird. Systematically 'thumbing down ' nearly every post I composed without regard for the content or for our friendship?? Odd...silly, really. Soem friend you are! LOL! Bet your buddies must have to watch their backs! Strange indeed. Was this supposed to make me feel insecure? LOL! Do you think I really give a shit? And then when that bitch Julie and others made comments to me calling me an idiot and writing insensitive things to me like "short bus" because she knows about Daniel...you give her a like. Then you 'like' all the other posts that are angry toward me...even posts that say The Vocie (Julie's) was not a good show and Adam Levine sucks, bla blah.." But when I disagree...I didn't expect you to support that bitch...you did thinking it would make me feel unsupported, inferior....then I could depend more on you, LOL! You told me many months ago you never really watched the Voice so I know you have no opinion. Then at the same time R fake-reprimanded me when I flew off at Julie and gave her soem well deserved insults (which included profanity)...she instigated it and R knew...he was afraid that others might start with liberal language...he NEVER would have censored me...so I deleted it myself. It was for 'show' more than anything. And then, you give him a 'like' for the fake reprimand of Julie. He and I thought that was odd...very odd. So, now you have proven to be both a backstabber and a liar. Case closed. Go back to the posts that entire week and see where you systematically added "like
You blocked me from your twitter. Remember? You didn't have to do that. If you had just requested me to not send any more messages I would have obliged. You over react all the time. I offered to send you a picture before. Remember? Then we got pissy with each other again before we followed through. Now you're hostile again and your motive will be to tear me into tiny little tuna pieces no matter what I look like. Not exactly conducive into aspiring me to do this! I don't have pics up anywhere because I have never bothered to buy a digital camera. Got out of the habit of picture taking a few yrs. back. My cell is at least 6 yrs old and doesn't have one either. My computer is the only place. Give me a few days to read up on how to use this thing and I just might appease you and get a pic up on my twitter, maybe even my profile. How's that?
As I've explained before dear heart, my relationship w/ Larry was very complicated. The last 4 plus years together were two people basically living separate lives under the same roof. He hid out in his man cave which is now my studio when he wasn't on the road working on communication towers, or when he wasn't working on remodels locally. My life when I wasn't working temp jobs was hanging on my computer basically. As I've told you, I wanted him to move out but he wouldn't, and yes, I feared him half the time. Nice guy sober, scary when drunk. That sums it up. He was a problem in my coming to see you. Scared of how he might react, but I was also hesitant because of your ever changing situations as well. I did fear loving you more than I already do, and then not getting to be with you. The odds however I stacked it up, just didn't seem to come out in my favor compared to the ladies that live near you and have constant access to you. Or ladies like Bea and Liz who already had a good hold on your heart. Then when you told me ALL you could offer me are your "loins", well ....., Truth is I wanted your heart as well.
You say I only care about myself and I am incapable of caring about others. That is just so untrue Michael. I used to volunteer at a nursing home. My own mother chose me out of her four children to trust in her last seven yrs of care and life. I've spent many yrs doing animal humane work, and many of those hrs. were unpaid and donated so I could groom animals and make them more adoptable. I gave up my lunch hrs to bathe animals. I stayed home as a full time mother for Jamie for his first six yrs of life and I have no regrets about that. Then the next two yrs I took him with me because I became a governess to two newborns that a judge adopted and a two yr. old that her sister lawyer had. It worked out well for Jamie because he would go to a nearby school and then be with me until I got off work. I lived my life w/ my first husband to embellish his needs and pick up the slack where he needed me in his company. Basically I was a job coordinator, but helped with accounting, and also helped coil up snakes after concerts and run road cases into trucks! One time I had to quickly sew up very long black curtains to hide our speaker P/A systems as was required for one client. I am not a selfish person Michael. You've entirely gotten the wrong impression of me.
As for this latest fiasco. I do feel I handled it badly as I felt conflicted because TLC has done me no harm that I am aware of & I didn't feel it my place to out her. I did end up lying to you & I tried like hell to avoid that. I wish now I had done things differently, .. so sorry! Not two yrs ago I last talked to her! It was whenever the shit storm went down on the old twitter. We didn't say a whole lot to each other, but that was the last time. I know I did wrong and should have kept my loyalty to you only. I tried to split it to both you and her & it went to epic fail. I realized what was happening midstream & failed to handle it right. Knowing how angry you get terrifies me!
NO HARM WAS DONE?? That is from your perspective! No harm was done to you...you weren't lied to and deceived and hurt...so I guess it's okay. Everything only matters in terms of how it affects you! See...you have no fucking integrity! You HAVE no character! You choose to outright LIE to me when I trusted you to simply answer honestly, I am an idiot and a fool as I made the assumption that you would simply be honest...never occurred to me you would lie and betray me again....and then turn around and tell her I know about her? You claim (Another lie) you haven;t spoken to her in 2 years and yet, you had to "protect" her. What the fuck? You are a nut job. do you even SEE what you are saying? Can you read your own claims of defense? What about the apologies where you admitted 100% wrong doing...now it's a "big whoop?" you cannot be honest if your life depended upon it. I very much doubt ppl are telling you that you are beautiful because you are AFRAID for me to see you. You lie. I want to see a recent picture send me a private twitter and I'll walk you through Vchat...you can look at my face and I yours. Prove it so you can have one shred of dignity left. I'm ready! OR post a picture on your twitter..no harm done...you are not a celebrity, you aren;t a billionaire protecting a fortune. Don't be shy!
I fully expect you to ignore this and me so you won't have to go through with it. LOL! You must have run out of excuses by now....
Oh...and your abusive bf ...now you refer to THAT as a 13 year "relationship"...didn't he threaten to kill you, your pets, chase you out of your home, hold a cinder block to your head, make you live in fear for your life, a violent alcoholic?...and you are using THAT as an example of an intact relationship? LOL! Priceless! A shrink would refer to that as a destructive relationship and to you as a co-dependent. Oh...and you 'broke up' a year ago...really? so what about those fucking excuses making me feel badly while you were cock teasing me and telling me you couldn't met because of me...my dating...when you ah a 13 year old bf living with you! ADMIT YOU ARE A LIAR! And the cruel twist is...you tired to blame me as the reason, that I wasn't available (even though I did not have a live in long term bf or gf---but YOU DID!) all in order to hold onto me. You fucking hypocrite! You couldn't be honest...you had to blame me and attempt to hurt me and make me feel badly. You are deplorable. You have no moral compass. You are a sham and a con artist. (And let's face it....you were and still are a cock tease...I don't even know what the hell you look like...other than fabricated 25 year old celeb resemblances...BS!). you see what I look like...prove you are attractive...c'mon! it's been along time. LEt's VChat...I can tell you how to send me a pic on line...post one on your twitter. So many options...and yet, so many convenient excuses...LOL!!
So feisty! Feel better? Where do you get this idea I'm alone? My best friend lives in Lyons, CO and I have a pic of her and I in kindergarten! Most of my friends come from my hometown and I still talk to them on the phone or email. Most of them still live in Colorado. I have several good friends here. You don't know everything about me like you think you do. I just broke off a 13 yr. relationship a year ago. I just had a successful lunch date last week where he found me beautiful and very attractive. So there! Nanny nanny boo boo. Geez, you haven't even met me in person to know if I am attractive or not, so how can you judge? You are just determined to think the worst of me. Well fine and dandy! If that is what you have to do to convince yourself that you are better, richer, smarter, and holier than thou then have at it! Actions speak louder than words. People have told me all my life I look like Sharon Tate or a young Stevie Nicks along w/ other celeb women. What of it! You wish me to look like Medusa! Sorry to disappoint! haha
I tried to protect a perceived friend's identity. Big whoop! How horrible of me! I wasn't out to do you any harm or deliberately try to betray you. It wouldn't hurt you at all to lighten up! I didn't even have a conversation w/ her for God's sake. No harm was done. Chill out..
Listen Judas b****...not interested in your new tact since your always-too-late and insincere apologies failed once again...now you have defaulted to trying to make yourself look innocent and putting the blame on me. You are a conniving, betraying, lying sack of dung. I have no respect for you. You have low class behaviours and non-existant values. Is this any clearer, hon?
Stop your psychotic twisted name posting of Sharon Tate, it is ODD, like you!...a young mother to be who was brutally slaughtered...are you nuts? Do you know how troubling it is to read you post that name? The image it conjures? The emotion? Go look at her autopsy photos on line. Just because YOU are devoid of human emotion (for anyone's except your own...) don't assume others think your carrying her name around is cute. TO assume the pseudonym of a brutally murdered young woman is simply nuts, shows a lack of human emotion and is plain creepy. You look nothing liker her as yow so annoyingly like to claim (more lies), exit your fantasy land and start behaving like an honest human being. Consider other people now and then...not only YOURSELF and your needs!
I don't hate you btw...that would imply we are on the same level and in the same league; clearly we are not. I have nothing but contempt for the likes of you. You are a treasonous deceptive sub human who lies to me so liberally and without forethought...you have no shame, no dignity, so soul. I offered you trust and respect. Referring to you as "Judas" is not apt as it is an insult to Judas. Judas was a better friend to Jesus than you have been to me. Hitler, while deplorable, is an apt comparison. You have no moral center. You lack integrity and real, genuine caring. You are a terrible friend. You will always be alone and it is due to your self-centered focus...of which you are still keenly unaware! Keep fabricating and exaggerating your so-called beauty and desirability. I don't care...never did! Where's the male model? Where is the hispanic billionaire (LOL!)? Did they ask for photos? Is that when you have to stop communicating? Someone chats with you on a hooker date site for 3 days and you fantasize that they have feelings for you or that they somehow "like" you.. Where's your photo you promised, Miss USA? I notice your twitter has a cartoon. LOL! It's easy enough to install a photo unless you are retarded. Excuses, excuses..lies...deceptions. Yeeeaaah....riiiiiiight..... Con-artist fraud you are!
Later b****.
Listen Judas b****...not interested in your new tact since your always-too-late and insincere apologies failed once again...now you have defaulted to trying to make yourself look innocent and putting the blame on me. You are a conniving, betraying, lying sack of dung. I have no respect for you. You have low class behaviours and non-existant values. Is this any clearer, hon?
Stop your psychotic twisted name posting of Sharon Tate, it is ODD, like you!...a young mother to be who was brutally slaughtered...are you nuts? Do you know how troubling it is to read you post that name? The image it conjures? The emotion? Go look at her autopsy photos on line. Just because YOU are devoid of human emotion (for anyone's except your own...) don't assume others think your carrying her name around is cute. TO assume the pseudonym of a brutally murdered young woman is simply nuts, shows a lack of human emotion and is plain creepy. You look nothing liker her as yow so annoyingly like to claim (more lies), exit your fantasy land and start behaving like an honest human being. Consider other people now and then...not only YOURSELF and your needs!
I don't hate you btw...that would imply we are on the same level and in the same league; clearly we are not. I have nothing but contempt for the likes of you. You are a treasonous deceptive sub human who lies to me so liberally and without forethought...you have no shame, no dignity, so soul. I offered you trust and respect. Referring to you as "Judas" is not apt as it is an insult to Judas. Judas was a better friend to Jesus than you have been to me. Hitler, while deplorable, is an apt comparison. You have no moral center. You lack integrity and real, genuine caring. You are a terrible friend. You will always be alone and it is due to your self-centered focus...of which you are still keenly unaware! Keep fabricating and exaggerating your so-called beauty and desirability. I don't care...never did! Where's the male model? Where is the hispanic billionaire (LOL!)? Did they ask for photos? Is that when you have to stop communicating? Someone chats with you on a hooker date site for 3 days and you fantasize that they have feelings for you or that they somehow "like" you.. Where's your photo you promised, Miss USA? I notice your twitter has a cartoon. LOL! It's easy enough to install a photo unless you are retarded. Excuses, excuses..lies...deceptions. Yeeeaaah....riiiiiiight..... Con-artist fraud you are!
Later b****.
Soooooo, .. Hitler torturing and killing over 11 million Jews is not as bad as my informing TLC that you are aware of her identity. Therefore I should be more hated than Hitler! Now that's funny. Did the world explode and come to an end ? Did I make the evening news? Did I even really betray you by doing that? I say NO! You've called her out yourself when you recognized her, so what's the big fucking deal? You're splitting hairs again and doing what you always do, ... making mountains out of mole hills! Can't you understand I felt torn about her? Thought she was a friend of a sort for defending me that one time. What is the big fucking deal about my telling her you know who she is? Where's the harm? It didn't tarnish you any! You're being a poopy butt and that's all there is to it! :/ :/ :/
I also posted a fake out over there that should help. You can't be anymore disappointed in me than I already feel about myself. No excuses. My loyalty was misplaced. Check your twitter for messages ...
I posted another fake out on the last poll as I know eyes are reading. Will explain later. Too tired now. Really still pissed at you and your displaced loyalties. You have disappointed me to no end.
Okay. I am working in my cabin/shop today, but will be checking in periodically. .. I love you, jelly bean. Please forgive me.
busy.later we'll talk.
I've got to run some errands. No choice on that. Should be back in two to three hours. So sorry for putting you through this again. My loyalty was misplaced. You are all that matters to me. I deserve whatever you want to say to me. Can't believe I fucked up again. :(
I'm here .... ~~~
HERE.
I agree with Mary !
Matt should go. I cannot stand his mediocre talent and looking at that pimple or whatever that growth is, on his forehead. Lil Rounds deserved to leave, even a week earlier. Also am tired of looking at the wild pink hair. Please don't vote for her again. Anoop Desai was a real gentleman when he was told to leave. He spoke very well and said he was disappointed. Great show. Simon Cowell is the greatest plus he is a great judge of talent. I always respect his opinion. Don't like Kara at all.
Adam is awesome. Might as well end it now and quit leading all the others on. He's got this won by a long shot. I agree totally, kara should be booted too. It's like having two randys seen how she always agrees with him anyway. I could be a judge myself and do that. She just causes the show to drag on longer than it should kinda like the contestants except Adam.
Adam is here until the end. Everyone knows that, yet no one wants to believe it. I, for one think he is the best singer in the competition and he has the best vocal range by far. "just thought I'd include that".
The two I think will go home are anoop & lil. Anoop has been in the bottom two a couple times and I think its his turn to go home. He is not one of the best and has no chance of winning the great honor of being the American Idol... not that any of them really do competing with adam :]]
As for lil... she should've been out last week in my opinion. Her and Matt do not even come close, but matt... he has a weak support group. Lil will be going home tonight along with Anoop.
Maybe matt... Matt might go home seeing as he shoulld've gone home last week and maybe his fans are weaker than everyone elses. He doesn't deserve to go home... but he might.
Ok, then theres Allison, Danny and Kris. They will not go home no matter how much anyone rebels and they will stay until the final four. Allison will be the runner up while danny will be the second runner up and kris, the third. It will be a battle; but no one can compare to adam
My wish is for Allison and Matt to go home. Why? Because Allison is so obviously being pimped by the judges and they showcase her mediocre performances with inane accoldaes. She is just "okay". I cannot believe the influence these judges have on the voters. Dump her. Same with Matt. He is mediocre yet he was also pimped to the extreme. Release them both tonight PLEASE!!!!!
Anoop is not a great performer and may go, however, he has is blessed with a very good voice and perfect pitch. He is lacking in the dynamics but deserves another week.
Lil? Well, she picks the wrong songs but does not suck as much as Simon seems to think. They do not want her to win (and she should not and won't).
I also woudl not mind a Danny shocker elimiantion. He is a very good singer but boring. Just get rid of AMtt and Allison and I will feel justifed.
While we are eliminating 2 contestants, can we also eliminate one of the judges? KARA!
Lil overstayed her welcome. Danny did too :)
Sadly Danny might me a casuality of the idol curse where good performers go home before bad ones (ahem..Anoop and Matt).
But hopefully the producers realize hey need Danny for ratings and Anoop's gone. But Matt if he's saved he can thank Michigan! Anyone see those voting results from them= insane!