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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... - 14 years ago
I disagree. I do not think Kris will be successful. His vocals are quite weak..though he does have musicality....not enough to compensate for his inferior range and ability. Gokey has great vocals, but it stops there.. not a great personality.I agree he seemed to happy to satisfy his ambitions on the heels of his wife's death. He seems to be lacking where Kris is abundant...musicality. I woudl think he woudl be more successful than Kris, who will go nowhere. I never really understood the Alison hype and don't see her making it. Her voice is okay..but inarticulate and too brassy and unrefined. Adam will go all the way. The other one who seems to have a great voice...yet no stage presence....is Anoop. Perfect pitch and awesome range, yet he is too frat boy and clumsy. Time will tell.....
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Forgot to answer your other question. Adam will be the most successful by far, then Kris as he is pretty mainstream, then I hate to say it, but I think Gokey may sell even better than Allison because he will have a broader mass appeal I think than Allison. Have to say I didn't like the way he acted during that time, always talking about his dead wife and yet didn't really seem to be mourning her. I just didn't care for him.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I can handle it, and yes I'm asking for details. I can already tell you slept with her by how you are behaving. LOL Rumors that I get jealous are greatly exaggerated. I get envious, not that. There is a difference. Well, maybe just a itsy little bit jealous, ... but only because I care so much about you. So sue me .... LOL !
So what are your feelings for her now? You can be honest, I'm prepared for anything.
M - 14 years ago
You know I am an open book as far as my escapades are concerned. Feel free to ask me anything and I will answer honestly. But I have come to understand that you get a little uneasy and maybe a bit (I won't write the word...) when I tell too much. Like when I was explaining about my lovemaking intensity with J ...I never dreamed that it would bother you...but it did. So I will not offer any detailed accounts unless you request it specifically. Ask anything you like...but I warn you, you may or may not like the answer. I tend to offer too much detail and elaboration.
On another note...Adam's concert in NYC was, reportedly, an awesome experience. Allison, who was a non-finalist, opened for him...which begs the question: Who do you think will have the best career of the AI8 non-finalists?
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Ohhhh you are such a tease! LOL So what happened? Did she come to rekindle your romance? And who slept with who? LOL Any tense moments? Come on, spill the beans ..... How did J. and her get along?
I think Joe Jackson molested his daughters, or at least that one that claimed he did. Wouldn't surprise me if he molested Michael. He is one messed up dude who seemed to enjoy massive and sadistic punishment on his kids. If there is a hell, I think he will be paying a visit there in the next life.
So how are you doing? Did the visit turn out better than you thought? And how long will you be away from home now?
M - 14 years ago
No S&M, and no kinkiness from my end...unless you consider having sex with both men and women kinky...so no need to explain your comments.
It is certainly too bad that the most talented American entertainer of our lifetime, Michael Jackson, lived such a relatively short life and had such a tortured existence. I do not know for certain, but my gut tells me we was not a child molester. He had serious mental health issues, that was quite obvious and perhaps he had issues understanding societal norms and adhering to social mores. These allegations against him brought by the parents of these two boys seemed stunning especially when the parents allowed their children to stay at his mansion for an undetermined amount of time, overnight no less. I think he was a deeply sensitive soul who was tormented as an adult by a childhood that included a severely emotionally (and physically) abusive father.... and let's face it...that will screw up any otherwise 'normal' child. I say he is was definitely not straight....possibly and more likely, gay....and perhaps even asexual. He was looking for the innocence of childhood which he never had. I would not be at all surprised if he was sexually abused by a relative or other adult male. He, perhaps, crossed the line with these children in that he may have allowed them to see him unclothed (a stupid thing to do...) and slept in the same bed with them (equally stupid). Was he able to discern that this was highly inappropriate? Perhaps not, but I do not know. Is his obsession with reclaiming a childhood and with all things innocent a direct result of the unhealthy environment in which he grew up? Most certainly yes.
He was, most likely, a gay male but a very confused one who was very much in need of mental health intervention. Being gay , bi or straight has zero to do with being a child molester. Gay males are no more likely to molest young boys than straight males are to molest young girls. So, my feeling is that he made stupid mistakes and did inappropriate things...but was not a sexual child molester.
I am good. The visit is over and Beatrice opted to stay in a hotel for her last 2 days since I would not be around. Guess she wasn't too keen on staying alone with Jefferey and bro for her remaining days in the city. Makes sense I suppose....
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Hi M., .... I am not into pain or S&M in case I left the wrong impression! LOL And I'm really not a screamer, though I can't say that has never happened. :)
Hard to believe it was a year ago today that we lost Michael Jackson. I've been watching the specials about him and am still processing how tragic and big the loss is. He was such a phenomenal, talented, intelligent, and unique human being. I remember this time last year, I was working for the FCC helping with the digital conversion. Wish I still had that job, really enjoyed it and it paid well, but alas, they were not hiring for permanent job positions. I remember you and I talking about the loss of him and Farah Fawcett. Who was the third person? Someone else died at this time as well, but I can't remember who it was. I am wondering what you believe about his sexual orientation? His former wife, Lisa Presley, claims they had normal sex. I have heard the rumor that he badly wanted a child with the King's daughter, ... a kind of legacy fulfillment. So that might explain having relations with a woman. I just get the nagging feeling though, that he wasn't into women. I don't think he was bisexual, .... or if he was, he was highly slanted towards the other end of the scale. There are rumors of liaisons and secret meetings with male lovers. And then there is the pedophile angle. I use to feel certain he was molesting little boys. He definitely felt a deep love for children. Did it cross the line? I don't know what to think anymore about that. I want to believe it didn't happen, as there is a type of innocence that seemed to live inside of Michael. Such as letting kids sleep with him in his bed. It very well could have been innocent for all we know. I would love to know what you think was going on with Michael, sexually speaking.
How are things going for you babe? Are you doing okay?
QS loves M - 14 years ago
LOL You are so funny! If you hurt me, ... I scream. If you hurt me real good, ... I scream and moan. Mostly thouigh, I just moan ..... and maybe beg for more .... :) So, how are things going so far?
M - 14 years ago
ummm.."an" exerted sigh....ugh! I really DO know English, lol!
M - 14 years ago
But I am not screamer...I am more the type to produce or expel a deep, single audible (yet involuntary) climactic respiration....a exerted sigh if you will....
My partners? Well...that is another story. :)
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
PPS Be careful you don't slip up and scream out my name, "Ohhhhhh Storm.........AAAaaaaauuuuugggghhhh!" LOL
QS loves M - 14 years ago
So, ... Solomon says, "You're terrific and I love you for it." You are a rare specimen in so many ways. Baby I'm amazed by you. Even when you scold me or we disagree, ... you just make me smile. You probably don't understand that, but it's true. I want to make love with you, and show you all that I am. That is as honest as I can be. I just need to know it will mean something to you, and that I am valued by you. Otherwise, you don't deserve me. Pure and simple.
When does Bea arrive? She intends to have you, ... Mark my words! And when you're making love to her, I want you to think of me! LOL Now I've really messed you up, haven't I?! LOL Well, I will be wishing it was me, giving you kisses all over your body and kissing you on your sweet mouth. What can I say, .. that's real. Strangely, I feel a calmness in me about this scenario playing out. Probably because you were kind and patient in explaining to me how you are feeling, and also because I want her to please you and make you feel good. I want you happy. And somehow, I can't help but like Bea, even though I don't know her, it seems like I can perceive and feel her essence, and I feel at peace with her. I feel for J., this can't be easy for him, and I hope you have been practicing your juggling act! Use your unique humor to lesson any tension. That will be your best glue to hold this situation together. I'll be thinking of you, and if you close your eyes and imagine, I will be sending all three of you a smile and a warm hug.
M - 14 years ago
Clarification...it has been no female intercourse since one year ago this past May....over 13 months. Yes, you should feel badly for me. :)
M - 14 years ago
Understood. But for the record, I do not give a rat's ass whether she is interested in, obsessed with or attempting to find out about me because I have no interest in her outside of these boards and she would be very easy for me to ignore. All of the information that Ellery has (my address, my work e-mail, my MSN, my V-Chat) is outdated. L has my last name and knows my bro's name (I think many of the bloggers know his name, it's Daniel, but that's okay)....really not a huge deal either. You see, I tend to be very obsessive irt internet communication....so I may go overboard sometimes and stay up until 3:00, 4:00 or 5:00 am chatting or just sending e-mail and other messages for hours and hours....it is unhealthy. I try to avoid that trap. I need barriers. Last year when I had the privacy issues...that made me more leery of exposing personal info, but that is a whole other issue.
You did not insult me. When people stay with me it is people whom I know well: friends, former gf/bf, family...not people like L's friends whom I knew only peripherally. They would be crazy to agree to stay in the home of a single guy in his late 30's whom they never met......in an unfamiliar major city no less. I NEVER would have invited L to stay with me even if she were coming alone as I think that infers the promise of sex. No? And as I stated, that was never my objective.
Regarding any blossoming feelings for J, you misunderstood. But I won't hold you completely responsible as I was cut off for going over the keystroke limit. I was responding to your comment where you wrote that you cannot have casual sex with someone who means zero to you, well, neither can I. Perhaps I have once or twice when I was a young lad, generally I do not. J is not someone who is faceless and meaningless to me even if what we have is carnal and physical and less emotional. I have feelings for him as I do any friend. I like his company and respect him as a person. My feelings are the same as they have always been for him...no more, no less. He knows for a fact that we will not be exclusive. I mean, I like women...how can I stay in a homosexual relationship exclusively? It makes no sense. He gets that. But, for you to infer that it has to be one way or the other (i.e.: you have sex w/ someone you are "in love" with, or someone you have no feelings for, whatsoever, forcing you to emotionally disconnect from them). I do not have sex w/ people whom I do not know or care about. I just don't do it and I have no desire to. I am attracted to people I enjoy conversing and whom I also find physically attractive, etc. I do not have to be "in" love to have sex though, and rarely that is the case for me. J and I are friends and I feel the warmth for him as one does for any friend...no more, no less. What we do together is fulfilling a physical desire....but since we are both deriving pleasure from the experience, I have no guilt, nor should I. What say you Oh wise Solomon? Has my relationship w/ J really lasted that long? He is my roomie too...and he helps me w/ bro. Otherwise, I admit, it may have ended. It is sex and friendship for me.
There was no "necking" with L. I don't think I ever kissed her on the mouth, in fact. Heavy petting? Yes, on her part. And she was very forceful about satisfying me...but, we never had intercourse, despite her very aggressive attempts. Use your imagination. But I honestly can say that it was not erotic and not romantic.She is a sweet, adorbale young women...elfin like. I felt like a dirty old man. I don't know how much you really want to know.
I have not had sexual intercourse with a women since last May. Mostly by choice. I think I am due.
I do not know what will happen when Beatrice arrives. I have not really thought about it. J already disapproves of her..though he is tookind to tell me that. Last year I was looking so forward to her visit...this year I am not. I have not slept in over 24 hours...apologies for grammatical
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Babe, .... It is the 'topic' of Sarah that sickens me, more so than Sarah herself. I have brought her up way too many times in an attempt to warn you what she was trying to do behind your back, such as hounding and taking advantage of Ellery to find out your email, then your last name, then any personal info including now, what went on when L visited you. I feel she doesn't care about Ellery and is using her to get any info she can on you. It is obvious to me that Ellery doesn't want to give her info, but she keeps nagging her for it anyway. That bothers me because I feel she is using her, and you know I like Ellery. She is not one of my favorite people. I hope we can leave it at that.
I didn't mean to insult you when I asked if they stayed with you. You were just talking in a prior post about how expensive it is to stay in Manhatten, and how you had MORE company when you lived alone in your small apartment than you do now. I also didn't know how many co-workers she brought with her. Well, I would surmise now that you're telling me some necking and petting went on. At least both of you survived that night! LOL I NEVER invite myself to stay with someone, I think that's rude. I prefer staying in a hotel anyway so I have privacy and freedom to escape any plans I wish to not partake in.
Well, it sounds like J. is growing on you, and you are developing stronger feelings for him. I'm happy for you. It would appear that he is very good for you, and he has lasted this long! I'm sure that speaks volumes. You do know your post got cut off don't you?
I'm guessing you are heading back home, and Bea will be arriving soon. Good Luck with that one! LOL Hope to hear from you soon ... Take Care
@QS - 14 years ago
QS: I am confused. You write that it "sickens" you to talk about Sarah. Whatever do you mean? Sickens? Why? What do you think happened? I never met her. What actually is sickening to you? You are the one who continues to post threads about her ad nauseam. The woman means nothing to me and I only like to chat Idol with her. When you say sickening I wonder if you are making inaccurate assumptions...or if you are considering her threatening in some way to express such disdain toward a person you never met. it is not a very nice thing to say about someone.That's my opinion.
I am not stupid...give me some credit. I wouldn't allow 3 unescorted female travelers whom I never met (and only 1 of them I 'knew') to stay at my place w/ me. Not to mention that was before I moved to my larger place so had a 1 bedroom unit. They stayed at a nearby hotel. I assumed they were coming to NYC with a travel itinerary and that I'd meet up with them briefly at a nightclub OR for dinner OR for a lunch. I did not invite them, they planned their own trip...or so I thought. When they called me upon arrival, I had the odd impression that their trip was centered around me. They wanted to meet up with me ASAP, chaperon them to sites, have lunch dinner and excursions the entire weekend. I decided that I would take them to both dinner and a club (if one is young and traveling to NY, you must go to at least 1 nightclub for the 'experience'!). Ellie's friends ended up back at the hotel early (I realized after that this was a planned departure) and I escorted L back to her hotel once she was ready to call it a night. They all had met me at my apartment earlier that evening and Ellie and1 friend left their purses and other belongings there...so L and I went back to retrieve them before going back to her hotel. I thought nothing of bringing her up to my place to gather her belongings ....but I was was completely caught off guard, floored by her aggressive maneuvers. Part intoxication (though she was not drunk) and part desperation. I basically peeled her off of me a half dozen times. She gave me this "please do not say no...I cannot handle another rejection" look. Man. I was very uncomfortable. What you think may have happened did not happen. But I won't say that nothing happened. She ended up staying the night since she fell asleep (possibly due to her nearly three alcoholic beverages....and she weighs about 100lbs. or less). The next morning she was cozy and romantic...this shocked me as well as I realized it was not just the alcohol...she was interested in me. I gave it to her straight and told her to cool it and that nothing was going to happen ..and I was not interested in her in that way. She looked distraught. But I had no other choice but to be frank. I told her that the prior night was a very unfortunate incident that never should have occurred and it would not be continued (again....don't let your mind wander...no real romance involved). She professed feelings toward me...which caught me by surprise. To make a long story short...she now despised me and told me just that (nothing new, I hear that a lot from women) and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. Not for partially giving in to her advances (under extreme pressure, and that is no embellishment) but for being such an idiot for not setting better parameters or for not having the radar to sense her attraction to me. In hindsight, I think I was showing her a kindness (mostly due to my upbringing) that she had not experienced with her younger, uncouth suitors here in the USA. And she was also a bit depressed...she needed to feel worthy of affection I suppose. Or maybe I am over-dramatizing to make myself feel better for my partial lapse in judgment.
I think you got me wrong. Deciding not to commit, but having lovers does not mean that I am disconnecting from them. I do not plan to have numerous or multiple lovers at the same time. I have feelings for J. I do not love him, but I fee
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I appreciate your candor and info relating to all subjects of discussion. I don't really want to talk about Sarah anymore. It sickens me. If you have any doubts about me not being 'Curious', please check the IP address. I am telling the truth that it wasn't me, for what it's worth.
Ellery is a sweet girl and I will always like her. Sad that she had some bad relationships that affected her decision making and it involved you. It sounds like you were on the receiving end of what men like. She did praise you, and admitted she was the aggressive one. Did all of them stay with you? Was Erin there as well? Wasn't she the one who propositioned you? Just curious what you were dealing with.
Don't be so sure I couldn't handle a part time relationship with you. I haven't been single and alone this long by accident. I am part loner, and I like having my house to myself, as well as my independence to decide everyday what I want to do, and where I want to go. I am scared of getting myself in another bad relationship with an abusive or domineering guy, like what happened when I was 22. There are so many messed up people out there, which was yet another reason I shut myself down from dating for so long. I am still currently talking to this 'Michael' on the phone, but I can already tell he isn't right for me, as he doesn't read books and isn't very intellectual. If a guy doesn't have it going on 'upstairs', then I am bored and don't care what he has 'downstairs'. LOL He has also asked me some very creepy questions that he shouldn't be asking me, and he is calling wayyy too often. I keep thinking I should at least be willing to meet him in person, but if it keeps going like it is, I may decide to not do that. We'll see.
I know your plate is full, and I 'hear' where you are coming from. I accept that and I don't think you are shallow in the least for just wanting casual encounters. I can see why that works best for you. I just don't understand how you can disconnect from feelings for these people who you take as lovers. I can't do that and have casual sex with someone that means nothing to me. I've got to at least really feel a strong attraction and ' like' for the other person and know that feeling is at least reciprocal from my lover. Otherwise, I will walk away feeling empty and perhaps 'used' inside. The more you feel for someone, the closer to heaven you get. Don't you think?
@QS - 14 years ago
Firstly, I checked and the 2 posts...one on the old board and one on the "who will win Idol9" poll are from 2 separate regions of the country.The old poll post in question is not from Ohio. I already checked it. My guess is you are merely 1/2 correct as Sarah posted the winky on the "Idol 9" poll. The "she's too old" could not have been posted by her as it is from an entirely different state---perhaps even a different time zone. Many people post as "@" and if you blog on a lot of different sites you will find that to be rather commonplace.
Secondly, I sent Sarah a message and we went back and forth during the time you were outraged by the board issues. She told me about 'Curious' (which I also suspected was you when I read there quickly at your request). I told her that you had denied being 'Curious' and that it must be an unknown troll. She was dubious re: my unknown troll theory and still insisted that it was you.
Thirdly, I was not sending you a link, but a response. I neglected to change my language settings so it came up indiscernible...or unreadable.
You seem to read my posts but you fail to 'listen' to them. It is not all about maintaining privacy. Yes, that is part of it. But when I get personal with people and there are no barriers, I get too obsessed and it usually ends badly and I do not have the time for obsessive communication anymore. I need to force myself to have barriers to communication. God...just re-read my lengthy posts regarding this on the old poll. I have so many balls in the air now and my juggling skills are not so great these days. I do not have time for interpersonal relationships. You could not handle having a partial relationship....be real. I prefer to keep things light and flirty. Besides, you would never see me...I live too far away and I am never home. Home is with another dude who shares my bed. I will never commit to a woman or a man because I will never be able to make the choice to maintain a relationship with one person, gender. EVER. This will never change. For me, sex is merely fulfilling a need, a desire. I prefer to have friends whom I sleep with. Not a loving committed relationship. I don't think that makes me shallow, it makes me realistic. It is my choice and it is what I want.
With Ellery, well, I promised not to spill the beans but I think perhaps, that was when we had on-line friends in common. She came out with some workmates to visit me. Big mistake...never will I allow that to happened again. She was depressed I guess and after a break-up with a new boyfriend on the heels of ending an emotionally abusive relationship with another....she was desperate for affection. She really was very forward with me, despite my many rebuffs and disinterest in a physical encounter. She is very young...maybe 24ish? She looks much younger than that. It felt awkward and I can't tell you what happened because she is very embarrassed by her behavior. She was angry at me for a very long time. I believe she was angry at her own behavior and my ultimate (partial) rejection of her the following day. I learned a lesson. I am not to invite people whom I don't REALLY know to visit me. It caught me by surprise and I 'd like to forget about it. A real mess of a situation.
I was all set to leave here forever and came back only when you got all upset over the Sarah situation. I am not sure what else needs to be said at this point. But you are right not to frequent these polls. They are becoming highly toxic.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Hi M., ....I know there is of course a regular on that poll at work, but if you check the IP address of that one post, it would prove this time it's her ( Ohio area ). She posted on the " Who Will Win American Idol 9? " poll at 6:46pm, and the old poll at 8:10pm, so she was on Rickey's that day. I have NOT been searching all over the boards for her, but I have gone to that same EW site "Nice Guys Finish First" every few days to check for activity. ( They left a map to there on Rickey's a week or two back, so I checked it out.) Sarah commented on there, that " I was 'Curious' , even though I deny it." Well, the old poll was the only place you and I had a conversation about whether or not I was 'Curious' on that EW site, and as I told you, I was not that person. So the fact that she knew I denied being that person, tells me she knows about that old poll. She is the person posting as '@'. She last posted on that EW site on either Sat. or Sun.. I knew trying to warn you what has been going down would swing back on me, and make me look bad, but I feel you need to know what she has been doing. It is all, right there on that site, if you click on every reply between E. and S.. She refers to me as "Quiet Bitch", along with other various names, and talks about you incessantly.
I would of course like to go private, but if you notice, I tried to supply ideas to get an answer from you without your having to divulge your own email, or even your own private phone number. Could be from a generic email of some sort or a pay phone for that matter. I don't want you going private until you're ready to. I'm not trying to trick or pressure you, that would be stupid and condescending, .. I was simply searching for a way to get an answer from you without it being broadcast on here. If you want to stay here and feel we are secure, then that's fine. Just let me know what you decide. Sorry for all this drama. I hate it too, but I am seeing her differently than you do, and her posts on that site will show you why.
Were you trying to send a link to me, as indicated by that above post?
huh? - 14 years ago
Sarah is not hunting us down. Sarah does not consider you a threat and she is not jealous of you, I can assure you. Sarah is not the one on the old poll who has been posting that shit for several months aimed at you. That is 100% conjecture on your part, nothing more. I told you that I was certain that it is someone who was a regular there...and it is. You think you know more than I do about this, but you do not. You claim you know this for a "fact"...well, provide your factual data please. You are wrong. None of the posts in question on the old poll come from Sarah's state of residence. So before you pontificate to me, please kindly state your supposed evidence of this "fact". No offense, but you are beginning to sound paranoid. Sarah is pretty transparent and she is not that bright. She does nothing methodically as she is incapable. I told you I do not give a shit if she likes me or not. She may very well have an attraction to me..but I don't care. I no longer meet people in 3-D whom I know on the internet and it is highly doubtful that I will ever meet her. I told her this. She is not "obsessed"...that is a grand leap and a rather strong descriptor. Even if you could show me proof/evidence that she is after me and/or obsessed with me, still, I would not care. It changes nothing and it is no big deal and makes little, if any, difference in my life.
You claim Sarah is "hunting us down", yet, you seem to be combing other boards and seeking information about her....so, what's the difference? Isn't that what you are accusing her of doing? While I do not want to 'sound' like I am accusing you of having ulterior motives, one might surmise from this missive of yours that it is a pressure tactic to get me to go private. I can't blame you as I should have either stopped communicating several months ago or agreed to exchanged e-mail. I have done neither. If you still claim to "know this as a a fact" I would like you to provide supporting evidence of such claim as I am SURE beyond any doubt that you are incorrect. These posts on the old board began way before Sarah. I know what I am talking about.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Not safe to post any links on here, honey. Sarah knows about the old poll, and posted the " She's too old " comment. I know this for a fact,... no doubt. She is probably, methodically, going through all these polls looking for us. She is postponing her trip to NYC since she can't hook up with you, which IS the main reason she wants to come to NY. She wants to corner you into a hook up when she can catch you at home. She commented that she wouldn't mind you getting her drunk and taking advantage of her. She wants more than friendship, and sooner or later you will see this. She is obsessing about you, and about us. We need to completely leave the idol boards and find a site none of your other friends know about. If you can think of one, try to email me from a benign email address if you want. I will not email back and that way you don't give me your email. ( If you want to do it that way. ) Or drop instructions in an envelope and mail to me. She is also badgering Ellery now for details about what happened between the two of you. Another sign of her over interest with you, and wanting to know your personal business. Another option you have, is to call me. I would love to hear your voice, and I will not try to call back from what number you call me from. Promise! Let me know what you want to do.
PS This has nothing to do with jealousy, in case you're wondering. It has to do with wanting to talk freely with you, without fear of someone hunting us down.
Honey let me love you down ..
There's so many ways to love ya.
Baby I can break you down ..
There's so many ways to love ya.
QS loves M - 14 years ago
When you get to your hotel room, Google ' Wild Orchid '. You can watch a clip of the love scene between Mickey and Carrie, as well as other clips from the movie. I've always loved Mickey, and Carrie is as beautiful as a woman can get. This movie is VERY steamy and erotic. I didn't check, but if you Google ' Two Moon Junction ', that might bring up some clips of that movie.
QS loves M - 14 years ago
So am I. Your fault, too. :o
M - 14 years ago
At the airport, delayed flight, checking work stuff, blog stuff, wasting time, ....I-am-very-horny. Your fault.
QS loves M - 14 years ago
My stud muffin extraordinaire ( LOL love that, and it fits you ), ... I do want you. And I want you badly. It must be close to 5 years since I let anyone get intimate with me. I just want to make sure there is no misunderstanding. I wasn't saying you would have to be exclusive to me, and only me. But I was saying, ...if I hold no special place in your heart, mind, and emotions, and spirit, then it would be akin to meaningless sex and therefore smut in your eyes. As much as I love you, and feel for you, it would be exactly like that Bonnie Raitt song, ' I Can't Make You Love Me '. I would feel the 'power', but you won't. "No, you won't." You don't know how tempting it is for me to say "Screw it, ...I want you so badly that I will let go of my self respect and surrender my personal value so I can experience this moment and make a memory with you, even though you will feel next to nothing and I will feel everything for you." Will meaningless sex fulfill you inside for the rest of your life? I don't think it will, so I think it would be wise of you to at least reserve the right to change your mind somewhere down the road. Don't you think? I know there is a deeper side to you, and I want to see you truly fulfilled in ALL ways, not just physical needs. I have imagined being with you a thousand times at least, and maybe some day we can still make this happen, when the time is right, and we are of 'one mind '. I want to meet you some day, no matter what. Whether we become passionate lovers, or remain good friends for life, it will be beautiful between us. This I know ....
M (stud muffin extraordinaire) - 14 years ago
I am not getting back together with Beatrice because I have decided that I will never have a committed relationship again, ever. I realize that I am not made like that and it is too difficult for me to maintain emotionally....too much work. I am simply not interested in this type of relationship anymore. Even if she were available and interested in rekindling a romance, she would not have it be a 'sometime thing'....I think she would demand a full-throttle commitment like last time. Forget it. J says he is fine with casual and uncommitted....but she would not be. I do not think she would be averse to having sex when she comes out, though I am not pre-planning for this possibility. But we will not be getting back together, this I know. You can't complain because I offered to have a no-strings "physical encounter" (i.e.: sex) with you and you did not take me up on it! So hmmmmph! Actually...I can't blame you.
Okay then....I need to go for real this time. I was doing so well staying away and then you made me come back to rescue your from the meany squad! You think it's nice to talk to me...but you don't realize how unhealthy it is!
J is pissed that I am on the boards and blogs. He has been very unlike himself lately...angry that I have been neglecting bro (his words), angry that I am on the computer wasting time (his words)...I think he is really unhappy about the upcoming visit, but he is not saying that. should be interesting....
QS loves M - 14 years ago
I'm sorry I keep you coming back. I really do want what is best for you. It's just hard to let you go, because I love and enjoy you so much. I hope you won't keep me in suspense as to the end result of Bea's visit. That would be like not getting to read the last chapter in a suspense novel. LOL I would love to know what happens, and to know you escaped it with your life intact! LOL Please think of a way to get a picture of yourself to me, it would mean a lot and I would cherish it. I don't want you to be faceless anymore. Wish I could have seen your work video. Does it still exist? Well, I don't have any lithium for you, LOL .... but I do have much love for you and a passionate desire to be here for you whenever you need me, or just want to talk. And if you get lonely in your hotel room wherever you are, I'm here, and only a thought away from you. Hope you have a smooth and safe flight out if I don't hear from you before you go. Duran Duran, ' Save A Prayer '. All My Love, QS
M (got lithium?) - 14 years ago
But I don't really feel stressed beyond my limit. I thrive on stress and am not big on relaxing. I don't believe "nervous breakdown" is actually a clinical term...in fact, Mental health professionals will tell you it does not exist. People who are prone to mental illness can dive into a deep depressive state triggered, but not caused by, too much stress...but they are already suffering from an initial psychosis.
My ankle is better. I ran 6 miles yesterday. I've got to work off my fat belt that accumulated from lack of exercise. I gained 4-5 pounds. J said another 10 pounds and I'll be up to a normal weight for my height (he is insinuating that I am underweight).
I never thought my life was so exciting that I could actually make it a Twilight Zone episode. Impressive! Living in f midtown Manhattan....we always have people wanting to visit us. Manhattan is such a major attraction that if someone comes to the city for a play, ballet, art museums, whatever....it is better to stay with someone else than to pay upwards of $400.00+ per night for a decent hotel. When I lived alone (before bro and certainly before J) I had a smaller place...but many more visitors. Most of my friends with whom I have maintained contact are former lovers....male and female. Even J and I were friends after our initial courtship. So I have had numerous X's visiting me in the city. Is that really unusual? And of course if one has former girlfriend/boyfriends visiting, it is assumed that you were lovers and if that person was sexually attracted to you at one time then odds are...they will still be sexually attractive to you now. Right? Sex might just happen in these cases. You gotta get out more, babe! LOL
I don't think I'll be in touch for a while, what with traveling, visits from vixen-lady (kidding!!), more traveling, pressure to give bro more attention.....etc. Okay, thanks to you I am becoming blog obsessed again. You are NOT HELPING! Stop pulling me back here or else I may suffer a nervous breakdown!! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Have a nice summer. Hope to be in touch soon.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I think it is good you have a chance to get out of ' Dodge ' for now. Your life is more stressful than that of most people, and I continue to be amazed by you. You really are extraordinary ....
Your upcoming situation would make a good episode for the now extinct ' Twilight Zone '. LOL It is definitely 'unusual'. Did your headache go away? I'm sure stress has at least part of the reason for the cause of it. How is your ankle? Are you completely up to 100% yet? Have you ever suffered a nervous breakdown? I hope this isn't the 'perfect storm' brewing up for you. You seem to have an extra strength and resolve in you that pulls you through, and I am glad for that ... I have to ask, ... Are you taking time to enjoy your life, and are you happy? I realize you are under an extra heavy schedule right now that will hopefully ease up soon, but I hope you realize that you are entitled to having a happy and fulfilled life 'outside' of work. Sometimes I worry about you more than you know. I care .....
M - 14 years ago
ha ha ...and I left the Demi comment on the old poll. Do not know who the Ashton or "Oedipus" comments were from, but it goes to show you....many eyes are reading these poll comments!
M - 14 years ago
I hesitate to open up because I know sometimes I can be too revealing. For example, if you were to provide details about a liaison you had, it would not bother me at all and I would think of it as simply providing details. But when I do the same, I sometimes, unintentionally, ignore the emotional ramifications that may, in turn, ensue a debacle....because it would never affect me in that way.You seem to get slightly bothered sometimes and I won't use the word jealous, but envious or covetous... It is fine, but I want you to know that I am not hiding info, just unsure how much to 'say' and what to 'say'. So, I was going to write that Beatrice provided oral stimulation (or better known as a ---- job), but thought you might find that offensive. And that was at the very end of the visit. There are certain things that I really like and she uses that knowledge to pull me back in. We fought the entire first day...so had no time for make up sex.....now, I am glad. At the time, I really wanted to engage in intercourse ....but feel happy now that it did not happen. We'll see what this visit brings. I am not as vulnerable now, so her time here will allow me to be very frank with her if needed. I think she is jealous of J even though I explained to her that J and I are very casual and uncommitted. She told me I should have him stay in the hotel while she visits. The truth is, J would do that. But I told him to remain here. I hope she doesn't try to intentionally make him feel uncomfortable so he leaves. It's only 4 days that I'll be here....and the last 2 days of her visit I'll be traveling and she'll be stuck with J and bro, LOL! That ought to be fun....
I never heard of the film "Wild Orchid". And depending on when it was released....I never watched tv, movies, growing up unless it was a National Geographic special or a Mandarin language film. My parents were very strict about tv viewing and exposing us to American movies. We were told to "read instead". I saw a few movies in college, grad school...
I have to run to tie up some loose ends before my trip. J is pretty angry at me so I am gong to sneak out before he notices. Bro is annoyed that I keep leaving too. But not much I can do about that...gotta earn a living! J thinks I am ignoring bro and am relying on him to pick up the slack. Not sure why he is complaining so much lately, but I find it annoying. This is a good time for me to leave. By the time I return, all will be forgotten!
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I love details, ... you can tell me anything you want and the worst thing that will happen is I might get all hot and bothered. LOL I know what to do about that so don't worry. In my past, many unusual opportunities presented themselves as I seemed to attract both sexes with regular frequency. Traveling and rubbing elbows with high class celebrities showed me a pretty wild side of life as well. I was mostly an observer and not a partaker, as I was very inexperienced in anything out of the usual. Did you ever see the movie ' Wild Orchid ' with Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis ? I love that movie because of the characters the two of them played. I relate to Carrie's character, because that is about how shocking the world seemed to me after leaving my home town. The movie is now a bit outdated and cheesy in a few places, but I love how the storyline plays out between Mickey and Carrie's characters. So erotic. I am a fan of Zalman King's movies. 'Two Moon Junction' is another movie he did that I like. They are both in my movie collection. Mickey and Carrie fell in love during the making of ' Wild Orchid '. I have gotten way off track of where I was going. Let's just say, some wild things happened to me, and I liked it! LOL Hope I can tell you about these things some day. Dare not say more here.
Whoever was on the old poll, doesn't appear to want to answer my questions. I am glad we moved off of there. The person who signed in as ' Oedipus ' intrigues me. Picking that name tells me they may be smarter than the average bear. Yet they show ignorance and intolerance over age gaps. Or is it jealousy? Hmmmm....
Beatrice now intrigues me as well. Should it ever be that I get an opportunity to meet her, I would welcome it. If she ever wanted to come to NM for any reason, such as Balloon Fiesta, which I'm sure she would love, I would be happy to give her an invitation to stay with me. You and your bro would be welcome too. I don't have room for everyone though at the same time. I only have three bedrooms. Does she like dogs?
I hope your headache goes away. I would be rubbing your back, neck, shoulders, temples, and forehead if I was there with you, ... and anything else you wanted rubbed. :)
M - 14 years ago
So who is that you are chatting with on the "old poll"? Seems like many more have access than we would have imagined. I wonder if they are enjoying all of my personal, sex-filled posts?
When bro was leaving to go to dinner with J, I said goodbye and tried to give him a hug...he pushed me away and told me that he "wished Jeffery was his brother, not me". Jeffery gave me a stern look and said "we need to talk later tonight". Lecture time!!
You would really hit it off with Beatrice....she is intelligent, funny and a lot of fun to be around. She is bossy which a lot of women do not like and she shared with me that most of her friends tend to be male, not female. I think you two would get along famously. She is not bisexual and I don't think she ever had a female tryst....but, it's never too late! I think she is very heterosexual...yet very open-minded. I am not going to get back together with her. Firstly, she is in a newer position of authority with her Company in Brussels and would not be able to relocate here. Secondly, I drive her crazy and we both realize that a long-term relationship would never work (we discussed this during her last visit) and thirdly, I am no longer feel the same about her and if need be, will confess this to her. She is VERY proud and would not be interested in me if she heard this confession from me. I suspect she already knows this.
Well, how much does QS want to hear? You ask ...hint at....what was it "like" when Bea visited me for two days in the Fall (or was it summer?? Early September, I think). Well, we had very little time alone. We exchanged some words....she got pissed at me....cooled down after a day. Made up later....she offered the olive branch in the form of something that men really like and have a hard time refusing when offered. I am being careful with my wording not knowing whether you are really interested in knowing the answer or not. It matters not as this was several months ago.
My headache is back. I wonder if it is stress related? LOL! I am going to run off to finish some work and then go out for a run.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Your brother loves and misses you, and I'm sure he will get over this very quickly. I am wondering what it was like between Bea and you when you visited with her before Ellery came to town, and wasn't there a two day visit as well? I think the writing is on the wall that she definitely plans to be sleeping in your bed with all that implies, so that seems like a given to me! LOL I have a feeling again that her other relationship is cooling off, ... as is evident with the decision they will never marry, so don't be surprised if she tries to rekindle what you once had. If she wants a committed and constant relationship from a guy, why is she at your door? Another reason I think her other relationship is cooling off. This is what I'm seeing from a distance, with the few facts you have provided. I do understand what you're saying about the European mindset when it comes to their more open attitude about sex and relationships, and it's always possible she just wants that, but I just have a feeling she wants more. Hope I'm wrong. Your best bet is to put where you're coming from in front of her before she even gets there, so there will be no misunderstandings, and to of course ask her what she is expecting and wanting from this visit. That will save everyone from awkward moments when she gets there hopefully. I hope this helps you. From what you describe of her now, I think I would like her very much. Does she like women? LOL :)
M ( I have a headache...for real!) - 14 years ago
Bea is one of those people who makes an instant impression...bubbly, extroverted, chatty, demonstrative, overly-friendly and charismatic. The problem is she is very driven, stubborn and wants things the way SHE wants them...sound familiar?? There was so much intensity with us...between us...which was great for some things (ahem) and not so great for other things. She is a native french speaker and I am fluent as well....she is from Belgium so she also is fluent in German as am I (my dad was German born). She would become angry at me and mumble the most disgusting, demeaning and insulting things in French and sometimes in German....I'd remind her "I understand French, even obscene words". It bothered me but I accepted it. In retrospect, I realize she was doing this intentionally knowing I understood. Nice, huh?
I informed her that I will happily put her up at a nearby hotel in my neighborhood--a very nice boutique hotel--.but she said that would defeat the purpose of her visit. I told this to J and he just rolled his eyes. I think he already disapproves of her and not because he is jealous...he is not. I think he feels she is disingenuous. She certainly has many good points though...or else i never would have fell so hard. I guess I really do not know what to expect....at least this is not the first time I've seen her after the initial split...that was hard.
Luckily J and I have a very no-strings casual relationship where neither of us is "in love" or wanting more romantically or else it would be very stressful for one, or both of us..... and if that were the case, I'd have told her not to stay with me. But J is fine with all of this. So i do not believe there will be a menage a' trois in my future, much to Bea's dismay, LOL!
I have to travel to the west coast for a couple of days. Bro is really angry with me for being gone so much...but he should be happy that his caretaker and J have been around to keep him company. I try to be patient with him, but feel that he is lucky that J has been around and should not be complaining. When I left for work this morning bro told me he "hated" me. Hope he gets over it fast...I've been getting the silent treatment from him. J is going to take him out for dinner tonight to cheer him up ( while I'm busy trying to pack and get some work done) ....that should help. Not sure what he expects from me being so busy with work. I have a feeling I'd make a terrible father!
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Hi Babe, ... I really enjoyed your last post. You are quite entertaining, and I love how your mind thinks, at least most of the time. "Frogs are creepy". LOL You crack me up! Well, I am a country girl at heart, so I love nature sounds, but I have lived in cities since I left home at 18, and I love the city life as well. I have the best of both worlds with my set up and location. I'm in a developed neighborhood, but houses are somewhat far apart, and my house sits on a 3/4 of an acre lot. It feels country like and my view from my backyard is looking out over the lush Rio Grande valley and beyond that is Sandia Mountain. I can also see a portion of the city lights at night. Best of all, I've never had a mortgage payment. My parents, without my asking them to, bought this for me straight out in one payment. If I lived by the river, mosquitoes might be a problem at night. I am far enough away that there are no bugs getting on me at night, though I take a flashlight out with me and check around my lounger now and then to make sure no spiders are near me.
I would love to have a picture of you if you can figure a way to send one to me. Through my email perhaps? You will always be special to me, and it would just be nice to have an image to go with your words. I have tried to imagine you so many times. The avatar picture on my twitter site gives you an idea what I look like. My hair is down to the middle of my back or longer right now, and it is blondish brown in color. Not as dark looking as in that picture. Well, you already know I am highly attracted to Asian looking men, so I already know you will look very handsome to me.
I didn't mind your detail at all of your upcoming situation. It is going to be quite interesting how it all plays out for you. I pictured Bea as being very mellow and calm like me. I must be more like Jeffrey. I would think that if she is more like you, it would lead to combustible situations between the two of you. My parents taught me through watching them interact, to keep things light, and look for the humor when there is disagreement. It takes an awful lot to get me cranky, and the worst that would happen from that, would probably be a door getting closed a little harder than usual. LOL I really am very easy to get along with and it is my nature to think positive and take time to breathe in and re-center myself when I feel stress setting in. I feel no unsettled emotion with Bea coming to see you. I feel calm. Jealousy is not a word that fits what I feel. I think envy fits this scenario though, but not in a deep or troubling way. I simply wish it could be me spending time with you, and I still hope some day I will get to meet you in person, and have a chance to spend some time with you.
Hope you can catch up on rest, and I'm here if you feel like talking. Take Care ...
M - 14 years ago
I am not far from Rockefeller Center....but still am not the type to get up at 5:00 am to get a line by the street floor Today Show window to wave a sign, LOL! Don't care for Matt Laurer--he's pretty dim ....but I suppose you don't have to be a PhD to host a morning talk show.
I guess i am never curious what people look like. I am not drop dread gorgeous, trust me. I look like a skinny Asian dude. Okay--I look more Thai or Filipino since I am only 1/2 Taiwanese. I l have the facial appearance of being more than 1/2...the most Asian appearing of my parent's children. When people from my company (overseas locations) finally meet me they tell me that I underplay my looks...but I feel the only reason I may look good is because of the way I dress. Crisp, rather traditional...formal. If you like the look of East Asian men, you will like the way I look. If you are not into Asians...you will think I look like another Asian man, no stand out. I am not a hunk. I conservatively consider myself a solid 7...verging on a lower-end 8. I look like my mother but have my father's angular German bone structure. Maybe at some point I can link you to a URL of a photo and once you look at it, print it, whatever...I can delete it off-line. You are very curious. Let me think about that....
I don't enjoy sitting outside listening to frogs. That's creepy...and the noise is annoying. I don't like bugs on me or flying near me so tend to stay inside more. I really enjoy the city.
I realize after re-reading my long missive that I was probably offering more detail to you than requested regarding my sleeping arrangements when Bea visits. I wasn't sure if you really wanted to know and now I realize that you were not actually inquiring as much as exhibiting a bit of jealousy, envy perhaps...of the situation. Bea is intense and high strung and inpatient like me. We lasted 4 months and I don't think it could have lasted long-term...though I loved her and had hoped it would. She was angry at me often (for good reason) during our courtship....she is the polar opposite, personality-wise, of Jeffery. I have mixed feelings about seeing her. She invited herself so I had no choice. But I should make it clear that I really enjoy sex and have a hard time refusing it if I am attracted, even minimally, to someone, and know them on some level. I never go out looking for it...but my libido is another wonderful think I inherited from philandering dad. Home for one more day and then gone for 2...and home again. I am so tired.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
It is now 2am here, and I had fallen asleep in my big leather chair in my living room while on my computer. Don't even remember how long ago. My dogs wanted out, so I walked out on my back patio with them, and looked up at the moonless dark sky to see the Milky Way directly above me. I saw a bright meteor blazing a trail as it journeyed from south to north. So beautiful out tonight, I may grab a blanket and sleep outside on my chaise lounger. My froggies are really croaking up a storm. I was listening to one of my favorite groups of all time earlier today, which is Tears For Fears. In particular, their song, ' The Working Hour '. That song has been playing over and over in my head. It is so hauntingly beautiful with it's musical composition and arrangement. When you have a moment, ... put this song on and listen to the sax and Roland's voice. He is one of the best singers ever. You'll love this song! Well, time for bed. Wish you could sleep out under the stars with me ...
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
That wasn't you that answered back to Drew on that fairly recent poll 'Who Will Win American 9? ' I'm shocked. Maybe it was RO. He/she came to my defense once before, but if it is this person, they must somehow know my age. Anyway, Drew commented, " Someone says she over 60." Mystery person came back as @Drew " NOT TRUE. Someone says you're acting like you're 13. Wise up!" I figured it had to be you. And then on the poll we use to talk on, someone signed in under Oedipus, again with a hang up about my age, so I left them my response. Some people my age look old and I'm shocked. I honestly have escaped that so far. I am like Demi, Cher, Tina Turner I guess. I am always guessed to be in my thirties somewhere, and I act young and am active. I really am shocked at how many people are hung up on age gaps. So strange to me ...
I was in a very happy light hearted mood when I posted to you, so my questions or comments to you were on the light side as well. Don't take them too seriously.
The more you talk about J., the more I like this guy. For real. I can tell he is good to you and your bro, and I'm glad he is there when you need him. I don't know enough about Bea, but I'm sure she is a good person too, and it will be good for you to have some company. The only question I have at the moment is whether you are at home or away? I always watch the NBC Morning Show with Matt Lauer and crew, and it's a nice feeling to know whether you are in the city as I'm watching or not. If you weren't so darn busy, I'd ask you to go down there in the morning and hold up a sign that says, ' QuietStorm ' in the crowd, with the hope I would finally get to see your face. LOL You could always stick a picture of yourself in an unmarked envelope and send it to me. I know, .... when pigs fly! LOL Well, a girl can dream can't she?! :)
M - 14 years ago
Ummmmm....so....when did I stick up for you? Where and why? Sorry but I don't want to receive unearned credit. Me confused!
I don't care if you do or do not like Sarah. I am just giving it to you straight. She is not the root of the trouble on this board. Perhaps she has been jabbing you (and dare I say...'vice-versa') but is not the 'ageist' that you believe her to be.
What "popularity" is "haunting" me? Huh? Are you serious? Because Sarah is a thorn in your side? I am not interested in frequenting any of these boards anymore, in fact...I have dropped most of them of my own accord.
"Who will share your bed w/ you? J or Bea or both"? Is that a sincere query? Are you asking me this or are you hinting or insinuating...or do you really want to know the answer? I am not sure if this is a real question or not. It feels a bit like one of those scenarios where I give an honest reply and then the questioner gets pissed off and throws something at me...or rushes off in a huff. Am I warm? I guess I am uncertain if you are requesting a reply or not so I will err on the side of a candid and honest rejoinder. I have not pre-palnned to share my bed with Bea ...especially since J will be there and that might be awkward for all of us. If J left during her visit (and he offered to do so) then I guess she would be sleeping with me if she chose to. I am trying to avoid that potential scenario by making J stick around. I don't want to get involved with her on a serious level again...though I am not averse to having sex only. J has been sharing my bed since mid-end of May, but I am not home much...when I want to be alone I have him stay in the spare room/study. When we have sex/sexual episodes he usually sleeps in my bed with me after, depending on my mood. J is pretty conservative and a 'straight-arrow' (no pun intended), relatively speaking. I don't think he would fancy a menage a' trois. And let's face it: I would be the sole beneficiary of that scenario...Jefferey would only want sex only from me, Bea would want it from me and from J...but would get it only from me, but I would want it from both J and Bea and get it form both of them. Besides, judging from her past statements, I believe her preference would be as an observer of J and me going at it, not a participant. I am sure that crossed her mind since she requested this numerous times during our courtship. I know J would feel quite uncomfortable performing in front of her and while I am sure he would do this if I asked him to, I would never ask him. Back when we were seriously dating, I felt she was threatened by my ambiguous sexuality and needed to see me having sex with dudes as a way of being part of that segment of my life. Jealousy or maybe just control or possessiveness....or merely a kinky perversion of sorts? I cannot say. At this point, I would have no reason to engage her or humor her in this way. I have a feeling she would like to share my bed and have sex with me , but I made it clear to her that J would be sticking around and she is okay with that. I believe she is still with her boyfriend as she would have told me otherwise.I would be lying if I said that I definitely won't have sex with her. I do not know the answer...but I am not opposed to the notion....I am not actively seeking this from her either. Does this answer your question?
I still do not believe that Sarah is obsessed with me or that she is stalking me. Perhaps she could have the hots for me, I cannot say....but she has not bothered me or tried to chase me down as far as I know. I really don't care because I can simply ignore her if I like. And I am not l upset with you. Feel free to ask me anything you want...but I warn you....you will get only an honest answer which you may or may not like. I just don't feel comfortable offering information because I have noticed some jealousy and I don't want to enrage you. Woman are always pissed off at me so nothing new.But I have a pretty thick skin
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Well dang! If I had known Sarah loves Adam like you and I do, maybe we would have started off on the right foot. If she's a Democrat, we could be buds! LOL Just kidding. Are you still at home? And thank you so much for sticking up for me. That means a lot! :)
M - 14 years ago
The comment on the other poll is the same jerk who commented numerous times in the past few months (as far back as last Fall) re: issues she has with your 'octogenarianism' (lol). Sarah is not to blame for those comments, this I know. She thought you were much younger and even asked me your age. It is one of the old regulars. Trust me. Sarah did not follow me here---Sarah was here for a spell during season 8 and posted on Rickey's numerous times during the Adam/Kris finale period. She hated it here because Rickey was so Anti-Adam and she is a big glambert. And btw, you give me far too much credit: Everyone I meet does not want to f*** me. Believe me, if that were true I would be a most happy man!
Oops....I'll be back later I need to catch my ride home....Think about this.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Did you see the comment left on the old poll? My God, it feels like you and I are being tracked down like we are fugitives. Ever since S. tracked you down over here to Rickey's, it seems like the flood gates have opened. I already know you will give me flack for that remark, but think about it. It's true. This place has indeed become very toxic with nosy people wanting to get into our business. I don't think we are safe here either. We are indeed being hunted! If you have any ideas, let me know. I know it would be best for you and I to stay away for awhile so people get bored and move on, not only here, but all the idol boards you are on. Your popularity now comes back to haunt you!
So who will share your bed with you, J. or Bea? LOL Perhaps both? LOL That would fulfill that fantasy of hers. I am wondering if her relationship with her bf is cooling, and she is now trying to rekindle what you two once had? I hear you and know where you are coming from, so I really have no problem with your situation. And I would like to address this 'jealousy' topic. We have talked about this before. I am NOT the overboard very jealous person you are beginning to perceive me to be. Do I feel the emotion of jealousy? Absolutely, but I know how to control it and not let it control me. Am I not open minded and understanding, and accepting, of your situation with J. and now Bea? Most women would tell you to get lost. Your comment that I went overboard in front of Sarah to get her to back off is not really true. I have always shown great affection in my replies to you, and in fact I was being myself. Did I hope she would get a clue? Absolutely. I think you are being quite naive when it comes to Sarah. I AM a woman and I KNOW woman behavior, so please give me some credit here. She is on the prowl for a man, and if you don't think you are a target, you need to think again. She had a conversation with you "many times" as she said, where you voiced that women start out fine, and then become very jealous, and you don't like that. You just gave her a very big clue on how she should 'behave' around you, so she is now playing the part, 'playing it cool and detached' and flying under your radar so she can generate an opportunity to meet you and 'harmlessly' flirt with you. Honey, I swear to God she is obsessed with you and tracks you desperately through all the idol boards. I know this from her comments as well as other people's comments. I know you will say this is just my imagination, but I am basing this on facts and how she is behaving. I can see it, and for some reason, you cannot. She is playing a part and pretending to "just be friends", but I'm telling you with absolute certainty that she is after you for much more. I know you will just say it matters not, and you don't believe me, and that's all fine and well. Just consider what I am telling you, and be aware, that's all I'm asking. I'm sure you are as sick to death of this topic as I am, so I promise you, now that I have given you my true thoughts about her, I'm putting this behind me and not talking about it anymore. Don't get upset with me, I'm trying to help you.
I hope you can get back to feeling like you can be forthright with me, as that is one of the things I admire and love about you. I love and enjoy our talks about what is going on in our lives, and sharing our thoughts. Are you still experiencing depression? Hope you're doing better.
M - 14 years ago
But QS...she HAS found your Achilles heel (assuming that was her objective) because you made it quite obvious in your posts that you were going overboard to express your perceived closeness with me and it was a way of indirectly saying "back off" to her...or rubbing her nose in it. Truth is, she is not that crazy for me as you think. Yes, I suppose if I invited her to stay at my place in NY she would readily accept (not that I ever dreamed of that scenario), but she is not obsessed or consumed by thoughts of me. And even if she were...I do not really care. It's not my problem. She can be gruffly behaved and very bold at times, but certainly not a mean person. I think she is having fun with you because she knows how it irritates you when she winks and flirts....but she has always been like that with me and it has never gone beyond harmless flirting. No big deal. I am not as forthcoming as I used to be with you because I have seen a bit of a jealous streak which I never would have predicted. Don't bother denying it....it is apparent to me. It's okay. It is not something someone chooses...it is an emotion. I am not the jealous type, have never been. I have had so many girlfriends in the past TRY to make me jealous and it has never worked. I just don't get that One cannot create an emotion in someone unless they are predisposed to that emotion. But I digress...
Beatrice is still with her long term boyfriend. She tells me that now they have decided they will not get married as they see no reason to. Can't argue with that. If you no longer have the goal of raising children together...why get married? She was living and working in NYC for two years when we met, but then relocated back home . Her Company is stationed in NY but has an office in Belgium...and all over Western Europe. I don't foresee a reunion in the cards. Yes, a year ago I , perhaps, would have jumped at the chance...but a lot has changed. I have changed. I don't want that type of relationship anymore. She would have it no other way but constant and committed...never casual. But she is still with her bf from what she has shared with me. Well, I guess the more I thought about her the more her bad points have become apparent..."Familiarity breeds contempt"? Is that the saying? Maybe she is expecting sex and affection, I have not thought about that. And Europeans, in my experience, are very accepting of this even when they are in committed relationships. This will not be painful for me as I have no expectations. I saw her for two days back in early fall and it was fine.. . My feelings have dampened toward her since then. But in all honesty, I cannot predict what the outcome of her visit will be. We will only be together for a few days...nothing extended. I think she just missed NY and wanted to fly out for a mini vacation and figured she'd see me at the same time. We share the same birthday so she thought of me I guess.
Gotta run, take it easy.....
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I would love nothing more than for this antagonism and friction between Sarah and I to be over. I hope you can tell that I have made great effort to treat her fair and to make peace with her, more than once, and I will try it again. I think ignoring her is the only thing that will work, because I have a feeling she is still going to try to make me jealous with her flirting with you. She thinks she has found my Achilles heel, and I do think she is a not so nice person. Sorry, just my opinion and experience with her, and definitely not my type of friend. But I don't like what this does to your life. You shouldn't have to be coming in here and seeing this nonsense. So for your sake and my own, I will go way out of my way to avoid conflict with her. She is definitely the type that has to have the last word, and a mean word at that, so I'll let her have her way, and just walk away. Again for your sake as well as mine.
Is Bea still with her boyfriend? I take it not. I know you felt love for her, so I'm wondering if she wishes for a reunion with you? It looks like this would be somewhat painful for you. Am I wrong?
M - 14 years ago
Ellery and Sarah are very friendly on line. Ellery and Sarah have "known" each other for well over a year. They may have even met in person at one point. I don't really want to start a conversation w/ Ellery about this. Not necessary. Why do I seem to have so many female ( on-line) issues? I have to admit to you that if someone does have an attraction to me (especially a cyber attraction, site unseen) I really don't give it too much thought. I hate to sound jaded, but it has happened so many times to me that I don't think much of it. I am perfectly and completely capable of making someone quickly fall out-of-love with me or simply decide they don't want to be with me. Frankly, I am not very eager to understand Ellery's take on this non-issue or whether she feels Sarah is attracted to me...because I do not care what her opinion may be on this non-issue. It makes no difference in my life, you see.
I sent Sarah a quick missive asking her what her issues were...I received quite a rant. I told her that I feel we are (she and I) just friends on-line and that anything more than that is other's imaginings (not to say only 'yours'...but all of the other people you mentioned) and she promptly and summarily agreed. I am not really sure what her reply on the other poll actually meant....but it appears she was doing to you what you were doing to her: replying under the guise of only responding to me----- in a familiar way to either incite jealousy (as in your case) or to rub your nose in it (as in her case). She thinks you are a very jealous woman. I told her that she should steer clear of you and you of her. She agreed. I also told her that it would not be convenient when she comes to NY to spend time with her as my friend Bea from Belgium is visiting....and I am leaving 2/3 the way through Beatrice's visit for work travel....and J will be entertaining her....Oy! that ought to be quite interesting......LOL! Sarah agreed with everything I said and seemed fine with it. No ambiguity, no argument, no negative criticism. 'All's well that ends well'!
I have to tell you that Ellery always thinks that posters have "crushes" (as she puts it) on me. She thinks that J is deeply and madly in love with me and ready to walk down the aisle, she thinks that Sarah, and all of my cyber friends are in love with me. She also thought you (of course) and ck both had crushes on me. She told me her 2 workmates had crushes on me (well, one of them did because she basically propositioned me....another story). So she may not be the most reliable character "witness" for Sarah.
So, how about we all drop this now? Or please don't pull me into it anymore. Then I feel like I have to come back and try to mediate. I think it is silly and overblown out of proportion. What say you?
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Well, whatever conversation you had with S., she's being rude and trying to rub it in my face on that poll. Don't worry, I will ignore her childish ways... :o
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I am thinking that perhaps Ellery is the one you should talk to about S. Ellery keeps telling her she needs to back off from you, and they have had many conversations about you, so she should have a good idea where S. is coming from. Just an idea. Do what you think is best.
QS loves M - 14 years ago
Well, I know I want your hot Asian ass, and everything that is attached to it! LOL
M - 14 years ago
Who knows...maybe she wants my hot Asian ass!! I don't really care as I have no pans to meet up with her. I think people might misunderstand her a bit. She seems very brutal at first, but I think she is just a very extroverted in-your-face type of person. I'll talk to her...
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
It's okay babe. I'm not freaking out like you may seem to think. I am not the only one picking up on the possibility she is hot for you, I am going also by what Ellery and others are suspecting as well. I am far from being the only one who is seeing this. The only place I am getting this information is from the same site I mentioned to you before, EW idol recaps " Nice Guys Finish First". They were talking on there this morning, and again, you have to check all the replies between L and S to find the newest add on conversation. You will see where others think she is crazy for you as well by how she is acting. So please don't think this is just jealousy coming from me, others see it too, especially Ellery. I will take your advice and ignore her, just like I did today on the poll where she was trying to irritate and bait me. I didn't respond to her.
M - 14 years ago
Why don't you just ignore her? I cannot figure what is going on but it seems rather childish me.You do not know each other so there is no platform for personal attacks. I think Sarah is in her early-mid thirties, and not sure why that should matter. I do not believe her to be smitten with me. She is flirty and likes to tease and rib me, but I think the assumption that she is after me for anything other than friendship is silly. She seems to get close to a lot of guys she 'meets' on line. She is probably looking for my last name so she can acquire my e-mail and communicate with me...nothing sinister going on. She is just pushier than most people. She has mentioned numerous times coming to NYC so that is nothing new and I'm sure it has nothing to do with me.
God...where have you been reading all this stuff about me? I guess I'll have to get in touch with Sarah and see what's going on. Ellery has left me messages at another board or two as well. Sarah, I believe, left me a message or two at other places. I suppose I should reply. I've just been so damn busy. But I can assure you she is not a stalker.
The only one who knows about Bea (Beatrice) coming out is Ellery. When Ellery was out here visting with her friends, I told her that Beatrice had just left from visiting. And I recall mentioning that Bea was going to come to NY (she resides in Belgium) to visit on my birthday (we happen to share the same birthday ...month and day...different years). I am actually glad that J will be around this time as I am not so sure I am looking forward to her visit this year. She is the former girlfriend who broke up with me to go back to her bf in Europe....the one who had all of the issues with me and thought I was so selfish ...I remember mentioning her to you. Anyway, J told me he would leave while she came to visit....giving me the freedom to pursue female relations...but I told him that I prefer that he stay home as I don't want to get involved with her again in that way....only as friends....not up for that intense of a relationship anymore. I just don't have the energy. J will be my buffer.
Honestly? I don't think anyone is trying to "run my life". How can someone run my life via the internet and by not knowing me in 3-D? They will all get bored soon and leave the blogs. I'll talk to Sarah and see what's up. I am sure she just misses conversing and nothing more. I promise she has no designs on me.
Take a deep breath. It is fine and nobody on these entertainment blogs is causing me one ounce of stress.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Whoever Bea is, they are not happy this woman is coming to see you. And Sarah is telling Ellery and friends that I am a jealous troll out to ruin you! Good God! This is so grade school. How old is Sarah anyway? She has been out right rude and mean to a number of people, even telling Jeanne to go to hell, so I don't feel so bad she is aiming at me too. This girl needs to learn some manners, ... and needs to get the burr out of her ass! 'Scuse my French! LOL
Sure seems these people want to run your life for you .... It's a good thing you plan to stay away. This is all so stupid, and I'm sorry you even have to know of this, on top of everything else you're dealing with. It's insanity!
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Michael., ... NOW Sarah is bugging Ellery for your last name! She is obsessed! She is wanting to meet up with you in Manhatten. SHE SAID SO! She is trying to plan a trip to Brooklyn to stay with her cousin for 4 days so she can meet you. Ellery and half a dozen other people have voiced that she is obsessed and has the hots for you, and I think so too. Her frantic attempts to track you down and pester Ellery to death goes way beyond just "friend" behavior. I think she is just playing it cool so you won't reject or withdraw from her, therefore giving her a chance to get closer to you. I believe what you told me about your lack of feelings for her, so I am not worried about something developing, but to me and to Ellery ( who has obviously talked to her quite a bit ) she is acting very desperate and abnormal. A couple of people have even called her a stalker of you, and her behavior is making me think that as well. I'm being honest about what I am seeing and feeling. I pray she won't wear Ellery down into giving her your last name, or company name. This girl is truly relentless! I think that is a great big warning flag! Please be careful honey. Again, please let me know when you get this, with a reply. Love you and hope you're doing okay. Sorry I'm complicating your life with this info, but I think you need to be aware of what is going on, for your own sake.
M - 14 years ago
No worries and thnaks for your concern. Ellery was given my VChat address which enables video chatting and e-mail chat. The account has been disabled for some time. I don't even remember the sign-in and password. She had my work web site and personal web page many months ago as I used to post it on some of these various sites (stupid, I know...). My Facebook and Twitter have been abandoned, my work web personal page has been deleted and my work web site name (company name) she would never divulge to anyone....and the e-mail access to that has also changed. She used to directly e-mail me through the web page. She may have jotted the e-mail down, but it matters not.....I don't even check that e-mail anymore. I have one e-mail that I use for work only. My mother, brother and a couple of other people have it. If Ellery were savvy, she could google me, locate my work web address and send me an e-mail via that site....but she has not. That's good. I generally chat through web sites or text/talk on my cell to communicate with people when necessary. I get too obsessed and involved when I have to answer e-mail....besides, as you know, I ran into a lot of troubling issues.
No worries. And I wouldn't worry about Sarah...I am sure she only wants to keep in touch as friends as I have not been around the boards since Idol ended. I am sure she is not thinking or feeling anything more than what she has conveyed....she only wants fun, friendly chatter.
It is late and I need to go to bed. Later....
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Michael, ... THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! I just discovered that Sarah is STILL trying to get your personal info from Ellery, and Ellery is about to give in! I kid you not! Sarah is using the lame excuse now that she wants your info for her nephew! I surely hope you can see through that, she wants it for herself! Anyway, Ellery commented that maybe you wouldn't mind her giving it out, she just wants to think about it a little longer! You better talk to Ellery before it's too late! Please let me know you got this message, by replying here. Thanks!
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Good Morning M., .... There is someone for everyone, I really believe that. And you are a very rare and unique human being with many qualities that I highly admire. I consider myself very lucky just to know you, and any part I have in your life will be considered a blessing and will never be taken for granted. Your afflictions are but a very small fraction of who you really are, and I can see that. In my eyes, you are a beautiful miracle in this big universe of ours, and a very special one at that. It is very easy for me to love and admire you ....
Do you leave today, or tomorrow, and would that be to Asia or Europe? I believe it was Jeanne on that other site that mentioned you also go to Korea. I was unaware that was also a destination for you. You are certainly a man of the world. I would love to have a conversation with you sometime as to what your thoughts are about this world of ours and the experiences you've had in the different cultures and countries. You can't learn everything from books, you have to experience it as well. I wish I could travel and melt into your mind so I could experience what you have ....
@QS - 14 years ago
Awful. I have never raised a hand to anyone and cannot imagine doing that....or sustaining it as a victim.
I am not going to check the EW site....I have left there and I cannot afford to feed into my obsession by returning.....it is now all coming at a cost. I am too damn busy....and after Idol it turns into a message board of mindless chatter. I do not know who "Trina" is....prob a troll...maybe our troll from here.Re: " Curious"...I read her/his messages a few days ago and it seems like he/she is trying to peek in on places where I post/posted. Maybe "Curios" is our Rickey's troll. Anyway...the regular bloggers there know about my privacy violation issues and may be going overboard in an effort to protect me. They need to simply ignore these new bloggers. I am sure Sarah's comments and objectives are completely innocent. She does not have a crush on me. Just like you think J is madly in love with me (he is in it for the sex and he shared that fact with me recently so that kills your hypothesis). He knows that I am not a great catch AT ALL and everyone else knows this too, except for you...lol!!!!!
QS loves M - 14 years ago
Thank you for that thought, my love. It means a lot. I think several things from my past, scarred me pretty bad. The first being that damn scary basement in our house in the country. My older brother scared the crap out of me every time at night when I started to head down the stairs to use the bathroom or to go to my bedroom which was also in the basement. " Don't let the boogey man get you. Or, Don't let the monster get you." I don't know why my parents didn't notice my absolute terror, and keep some kind of night lights on at all times. I might have still been scared, but it wouldn't have been as bad if I could have seen as I walked. It was so pitch black, I had to walk with my hand in front of me and feel for the light switches as I went. Now, I'm scared of the dark so I keep night lights all over my house.
I was bullied pretty bad as a freshman in high school. A redhead girl moved to town and immediately attached herself to me. I welcomed her and thought we were friends, but a few months down the road, she felt a need to compete with me and turned against me. Several other girls joined her taunting me in the hallways, and my life turned to hell. I was afraid of them trapping me in the bathroom and trying to cut my hair off, which seemed to be the main focus of their hate. My hair was below my waist, and they actually pulled a strand of my hair out at a basketball game when they sat behind me, and pulled out a measure tape to see how long my hair was. LOL They were all desperately trying to grow their hair long. I was saved from their hostility when the most popular and best looking guy in town wanted me. His sister was a well liked cheerleader, so she and her friends came to my rescue. He was my first love. Wayne was a freshman in college, so 4 years older than me. That gave me immediate status and popularity. I'm sure my parents were mortified! LOL We lasted 5 happy years.
I was raised in a very sheltered environment, so that left me vulnerable for some hard knocks and life lessons when I left home. I was wayyy to trusting and passive, eager to please and quite naive. I attracted takers. Still do, but I'm more aware and avoid those kind of people the best I can. I was 22 when I went through a year of mental, emotional, and physical abuse with a boyfriend. He threatened to kill my parents if I left him. I was unaware of the cycle of abuse and saw no way out. I was so miserable and worn down, that I finally decided I would rather be dead than to live one more day under his tyranny, so I faced him and told him he would have to kill me, because I'd rather be dead than to live this way anymore. I turned and started running for my life. He ran after me and kicked me hard in my upper back leg, but I was able to make it inside my apartment and lock the door. He knew he had lost his control over me. My son's dad cheated and betrayed me, which ended our marriage. He wanted me back 3 months down the road when he broke up with his mistress, but the damage was done, and there was no turning back. We did maintain a close friendship, and never fought over Jameson, so I'm glad for that. You would hit it off with Jamie, he is incredibly intelligent and has many interests, and like me, is an avid reader. And he is incredibly handsome!
Have you checked back at that E.W. site where E. and S. were talking? Sarah and her cohorts became very wicked to a girl named Trina who was looking for you, and also to Curious. You will need to go back through the replies to find this.
Please forgive me for keeping you here. Trying to chase you away just isn't in me. I enjoy and love you too much.
@QS - 14 years ago
That should be "@QS...
@OS - 14 years ago
It is okay if you are vulnerable and it is okay to be fragile. Our past experiences haunt us in strange and intriguing ways...sometimes counter to how we actually view ourselves. No shame. It makes me feel like I want to take care of you...and in a perfect world perhaps I could. But alas.....
QS loves M - 14 years ago
You are so funny, and so damn cute! I'm glad you sneaked in ... Never, would I think you a jerk. I understand and know you too well. I know what your true nature and being is made of, and that is why I fell in love with you. I know how you think! And I like it! Your "House" side, only makes me smile..... And you are not "damaged goods" to me. There is help out there for your disorders in the form of instructors who can help you retrain your thought patterns, and meds if needed. Whether you change or not, I accept and love you as you are. SORRY! That's just the way it is and will always be ..... I know my heart, how I am, and how I feel about you and there is no changing that, .... so deal with it! LOL
I am a very sensitive and observant person. Try as I may to put up a barrier to protect myself from cruel and hateful people, I don't always succeed. That kind of behavior is so foreign to my nature, that I will never understand it, so yeah, I can be vulnerable to it. If I get hurt,... I get hurt, then time heals me and I'm good to go again, so I can try to leave beauty and kindness in place of the ugliness. I think that makes me a STRONG woman! :)
The man - 14 years ago
Thanks :)
The troll is from the old poll here, that I know. I make enemies easily....but I don't like when they take it out on you. Definitely not Sarah or any of the other bloggers I know. Ellery would not be so cruel as to do this to you/me...nobody else I "know" from other sites has been here Sarah means absolutely nothing to me. Not my type and I would never be attracted to here in that way....never.
J blocked Rickey's site and some others from my internet (not out of jealousy...but because he saw my obsession which was manifesting itself in exceedingly ugly ways)....but he forgot that I am smarter than he is and a better Computer Scientist. I've been sneaking in.
I am not angry at you about the" lapse" regarding the posts. It is my fault. I made you desperate and I was so unfair to you. You are much more delicate than I had thought. You probably still think I am being a jerk to not make contact with you....but you have to trust me when I tell you I am doing you a huge favor. My life is really in shambles now.
De me a favor and give the dude a chance...you never know. He may surprise you.
I am not going to check in again. And I do know how to reach you.
QS loves M - 14 years ago
Darn, I thought I was within the 4000 characters. I was trying to say, Bye for now, my love. I'll be around if you want to talk, but you probably won't see me posting much, if any, on Rickey's as I've grown pretty weary of that. But I'll check in here from time to time just in case you have a change of heart. Stay with this poll if you wish to correspond further. Okay? All My Love, QS ...
QS loves M - 14 years ago
Hi M., ... First of all, I assure you that Neil was exactly who he said he was. He left many clues, such as he looks somewhat like Bob Seger ( and he does ), he owns a small computer company, he's Irish ( his last name begins with Mc ), he lives in NYC, etc. I can tell you his company is located on W. 30th St. I know the exact address. He is for real, I can prove it.
It didn't occur to me that Curious could be the troll, but now that you mention it, I imagine it is possible. From the crazy maniacal way they behave, I keep picturing some teenage or early 20's kid in my mind, but there also seems to be some jealousy involved here, which would suggest female to me. I never told TLC my exact age, but I told her there was 18 yrs between you and I ( not 19 like the troll insists upon, so I didn't lie like they are insisting I am ). TLC is not very smart, but I know she was jealous. Also, I swear on my own life, I look and act VERY young. I'm in good health as far as I know and feel, and people have told me that I have the face of a child or a doll. I have very refined features, and Max Factor used me once as their model for a cosmetic promotion. I went to a modeling/ finishing school after high school and they got me the job. I like walking and hiking in the mountains so that is mainly how I try to stay in shape. My skin is still youthful, and the only lines on my face are at the corners of my eyes when I laugh or smile. I like them, they give my face character. I just noticed your latest post as I refreshed my page. Do you think this troll is one of your harem of girls that is following you around? LOL Don't worry about this person upsetting me. I find it amusing and flattering, and it just shows me they are quite insecure and have other issues they should try to get help for.
I will never forgive myself for the lapse in judgment I had when I let my emotions take over, and violate you and the trust you had in me, all in the name of proving to those girls that I meant something to you. It wasn't worth what it has cost me, and most of all, it wasn't worth what it did to you. Back when it happened, and we were discussing it, I didn't see the full magnitude of my action until I had time to process and see it from your eyes. I am so incredibly sorry. I was very wrong to do that to you. I hope someday you can forgive me. Please listen to that song by VAST ' One More Day '. It captures completely how I feel about this. ' Flames ' is another good song by VAST.
If you want to say goodbye for now, I understand why you need to do this. I understand that for your own sanity, and to cope with J. and your given situation, you feel you need to do this, and I will always want what is best for you, even if your absence feels painful to me. And it does. I enjoy and look forward to your dialog and conversing with you so much. I hope I meant more to you than all the other Sarahs in the world, because you will always mean the world to me and I feel a bond with you that is unique and rare. I hope you feel it too. Please don't say goodbye forever, I can't handle that thought. It crushes me. I can be an incredible friend to you at the very least. Please leave the door open for possibilities down the line. Circumstances change, feelings change with time, you never know. And I am only a phone call away if you need me or want me. You can acquire my number easily if you want it, and I welcome you to it.
My friend Vanessa gave my number to her cousin, who is now going through a divorce. He and I started talking on the phone yesterday, and I know he will treat me good, not to mention he is already smitten with me, from what Vanessa is telling me. He appears so far to only be of average intelligence, and I don't think that will satisfy me. His name is also Michael, and he travels for his job as well. How ironic! I will try a date with him when he makes it to Alb., but I doubt he is right for me. Bye for now, my
To: The Troll, Love, Michael - 14 years ago
Hi my favorite little trolly! Hey, I know who you are! But I'm nice so I won't trace your ip address. I feel a bit sorry for you.....no reason to be jealous and envious...I am not a good catch. I know when people are pathetic and miserable that they need no more friction in their lives, so I won't expose you. Enjoy reading the comments I made to QS. If you like, I can add some provocative , salacious sexual verbiage....I know how much you love reading that!
I'll be gone for a long while so try not to miss me!
The man - 14 years ago
Yes, that "Mikhail" dude on that Adam Lambert gay poll is brilliant! Lol....sounds exactly like me...though I do not recall penning that. I have used the monikers "Mikhail", "Mike", "Michel" "Miguel" in addition to my real name.... "Michael" and my initials, first name w/ last initial, etc. on many boards. The info in that post is all familiar to me, including the gay/bi/trans club noted--but back when that poll was created, I was posting incessantly on about 40-50 different sites so cannot recall that particular post. Obsess much, Michael? I still find it odd that anyone thought that Adam could be anything other than gay. Seriously? Is there any doubt? And then some desperate women actually thought he was bi. Lol! He is so effeminate....bi men are not...unless they are in denial about being gay and easing their way into the lifestyle. The only part of that post that confuses me is the admission of the brief sojourn....hmmmm.. at that point I had had several "brief sojourns" with dudes. I have never been shy about confessing that...but I surmise that, perhaps, homophobes like Grimoire etal., may have hampered my candidness. I was probably referring to my x bf with whom I lived for several months. I guess I just can't recall. But at that juncture I had 2 fewer gay relationships under my belt (no pun intended).
So you are not "Curious" over at EW? Surprising. Then I am certain it is someone from Rickey's site who strolled over there----perhaps looking to see where else I post. It is probably the troll then. I was hoping it was you so I would not be so worried about some crazy following me around again! regarding Ellery too...well, that is a long story that I never mentioned as she asked me not to. I don;t thinks he cares now....but it is a piece of my modern history I'd rather forget.
I do not want to speculate as to who the troll is. I am fairly certain I know--but want to avoid agitating "it". Since this troll might be clever--she will find this poll as well. The troll obviously looked up your personal info...just so you are aware. As far as looking up Neil's info---I don't think it is a big deal. Look...people put themselves out there all of the time, dropping clues thinking they are anonymous....others are curious to know what they look like, etc. whether they are who they say they are. I just don't see where "neil" dropped any clues. In fact, I was certain he was not a real person, but a fabrication. So many clues to support this hypothesis.
Around the time when you and TLC got your twitter accounts and TLC was bugging me to go on to hers.....I could not access it...it was blocked for some odd reason...but she kept insisting. I gave up, but shortly thereafter began receiving odd, sexually charged messages. I never bothered to research it, but closed the twitter completely. I did not have time to maintain it anyway and too many people had access. I don't know that she is the troll as she does not seem to bright to me...but she could be an evil genius...posing as uneducated. Takes all kinds.
Please ignore people who come on this blog, this site, and 'say" shit to you. I cannot keep coming back here. My life is the same as before, same situation. J is still living with us, still 'with' me. I am still unhappy with what you posted about the personal admissions, etc. and leaving the trail map to my comments for all to read. You are more fragile than I thought and I feel I drove you to this. I think it all reinvigorated the troll. Since nothing is changing in my life, I can only hope you understand that I cannot come back. I cannot handle relationships anymore. I do not want to make the effort. Any relationship I add to my life will be sexual only...and I KNOW you cannot and will not be able to handle that, it is not IN you. When Idol ends, it is the easiest time for me to leave completely. I wish you would let me do this. And as I wrote...there is going to be happiness for you. That I promise.
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
I know who Neil is as well if you ever want to know. I know his last name, the name and address of his company, and there is even a picture of him on his company blog. I didn't do it for any malicious reason and I have not shared this info., it was just that curious thing in me that wanted to see if I was smart enough to follow the clues and figure it out, and I did it! YAY! Don't worry, I didn't do that with you, that is a different ball game that wouldn't have felt right to me. And I know, even with Neil, I probably shouldn't have done it, but I didn't think I would get all the way with it. Then I had a hunch come into my mind, and the next thing I knew, I had my answers right in front of me on the screen! I would be an awesome treasure hunter!
QuietStorm - 14 years ago
Yes, indeed, my darling! I did pick up right away, but figured I better leave something behind on that poll. It would be good to abandon that one since it is so visible and first listed under 'comments'. Who do you think is the troll? I'm thinking you're going to say ck? She never emailed me or has made any further attempt to stay in contact. I think it could be TLC from Wisconsin. We started out as friends on twitter, talking privately, but I fell away from her and blocked her when she started bad mouthing you. She had a big problem with your sexual orientation, and I also think she was jealous that you made me feel so happy. She is in a not so happy marriage. I also think she tried to get your attention on her at one point, but it failed. She had a problem with our age difference as well, so this troll could possibly be her.
The Man - 14 years ago
I am hoping that you were savvy enough to understand the last line in my missive. Let me know if you made it here(by replying here) and I'll post more in this poll re: that EW thread. Will check later.
DeathLigar - 15 years ago
Danny i can't possibly imagine him still being here, he's horrific no talent in my opinion but it seems like alote of weirdos like him but hey to each their own!
Bazooka - 15 years ago
And Anabelle.... But you are such a liar saying that you are a Gokey fan when you never were. Don't think I want to talk to you anymore since you like to lie so much.
Bazooka - 15 years ago
All of you's are wrong about Danny going home tonight. He is so much better then Allison and the right person went home. Goooooooooooo Gokeyyyyyyyyy!
I think that Danny gokey rocks, sure rock wasn't his best performence he is still awsome I knew from the begging that he would make it far. I think that Chris Allen will leave tonight from the top 4 because even though he is very talented he doesn't really stand out as much as Danny, Allison and Adam
Anabelle - 15 years ago
Well the poll is more normal now. And i have to0 say, danny g sucked last night. I think hes going home, and he really deserves it after that performance : (
Lucia - 15 years ago
Danny Gokey has no star presence...he reminds me of my sixth grade science teacher...yuck...what a dork...vote for Allison! she rocks! girl power!
kristie - 15 years ago
ALRITE LSTEN UP, ALLISON IS AN AMAZING SINGER AND GUESS WHAT SHE JUST TURNED 16. ALSO ADAM DOES THE SAME STUFF EVERY WEEK, ITS GETTING A LITTLE BOARING. KRIS ALLEN, WELL HE PUTS ME TO SLEEP WHEN HE SINGS, AND LISTENING TO DANNY MAKES ME WANT TO BARF. ALLSION IS TRULY AN AMERICAN IDOL AND EVEN IF SHE DOES GET VOTED OFF, SHE WILL STILL MAKE A RECORD DEAL.
Grimoire13 - 15 years ago
'DM' a BIG thumbs up for you. Adam screams ALL THE TIME, sounds like sh*t and gets away with it. Danny screams ONCE.. and all the ADAMETTES are looking for Danny's blood. Unbelievable. I guess if Danny started wearing eyeliner and mascara, sucked face with a few random men while dressed like a hooker and ruined the arrangements of multiple classic hits, he too could be 'loved' by a bunch of tone-deaf groupies.
Katie - 15 years ago
OMG!!! I CANT BELIEVE ADAM WAS THAT CLOSE TO GOING HOME! IDT HE WAZ REALLY IN THE BOTTOM 2. IT WAS PROBABLY JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE WORRIED! I WAS SHAKING THE WHOLE SHOW JUST PRAYING HE WOULDN'T GO HOME! HE WAS GREAT LAST NIGHT! I LOVED SLOW RIDE WITH ALLISON, BUT I REALLY HOPE SHE GOES HOME! IDL HER AND HER VOICE DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE TO ADAMS!!! IF ADAM DOESN'T WIN THEN THE WHOLE SHOW IS FIXED! ADAM IS ABSOULTLY DROP DEAD SEXI AND HIS VOICE IS SOOOOO AMAZING!! GO ADAM!!
adamslove - 15 years ago
oh my god thats what i'm talking about people this the right poll not last week
i mean adam showd what anamazing star he is as he always dose duh
but most importantly he made geakey looks leke a jackass yeah baby thank god for that keep voting please make adam our idol
ZDAWG - 15 years ago
ummm dm. just because you say adam screams (which is totally wrong ive never heard him scream) listen to danny. i want danny to be runner up. but that last note he sung on the show just got him voted off the show. everyone sucks compared to adam. hes incredible with song choice and his range and his voice. adam has had the show won since the week 2 of hollywood after he auditions. when they did groups. when he did that high note. and then group 2 of the top 36 he did "satisfaction" which was insane. and since the top 13 every song hes done was insane. by the way people say that every song hes done is awesome except for the ring of fire. which i thought was genius because he wasn't gonna do a song that he would of sucked on. by the way in ring of fire his vocals were awesome. "satisfaction", "born to be wild", and "whole lotta love" were my favorite songs. he does good on slow songs but way more incredible on rock songs cause that is when he goes wild. Adam's gonna win. dm adam just screams because he knows that he already won.
Laura - 15 years ago
What Adam and Allison did was unforgettable. they were perfect compliments for each other. As far as danny and kris go, they had a decent duet, and in my opinion kris solo was better then danny's.god i cant stop replaying that horrid scream. Go adam! :)
aya - 15 years ago
hi dm:
that doesn't called "screaming" it is an "art", adam is my favorate but danny got a good voice too, you have to respect everyone's talent
dm - 15 years ago
danny haters suck!!..dude..
the rock thing for me made by adam isnt that good....
he just scream all the way throughout the song..
aya - 15 years ago
I was about to cry when I saw adam in the bottom 3! vote for him on the link www.tv.com/americanidol/.. please next week I have lot of exams and if adam do home I won't be able to study,to eat, to sleep. I think All Adam's fans feel the same way..GOOOO ADAAAM WEE LOOVE YOUUU
FRIEND OF DOROTHY - 15 years ago
Go Adam!
go girls
Grimoire13 - 15 years ago
Geez.. Danny blew ONE note... ONE.. and that was the infamous Steven Tyler scream at the end of 'Dream On'... even Slash wasn't sure he would be able to hit it... and no... I didn't like it. But it's the FIRST time (and a very short one at that) that Danny didn't hit a truly important note quite well. That's a LOT of drama, Tabby... wow.... and "FAIL"... you would be dead wrong on your weird assessment of my thoughts on homosexuals. His sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about Adam. None at all. He's just a GUY that sings like a GIRL.. and I like GUYS to sing like MEN. What he does with other men doesn't matter to me in the least. At some point you are all going to have to face the ugly truth... ADAM is being 'MARKETED', because of the way he 'LOOKS".. not the way he 'SINGS'.... trust me.. he probably won't get far after this... neither did Ruben Studdard... (who was found just the other day in a two-bit theatre, choking on the lyrics to a song in a really crappy rendition of a musical called 'Ain't Misbehavin') He's a JOKE!!
carebear - 15 years ago
PLS VOTE FOR ADAM!!!!!
Vera - 15 years ago
OMG> Adam is perfection! What an incredible performance (as always). He literally makes me go into a frenzy. Unbelievable. Absolutely, undeniably NO ONE comes even close to his ball park. WHAT AN IDOL! Phenom
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I disagree. I do not think Kris will be successful. His vocals are quite weak..though he does have musicality....not enough to compensate for his inferior range and ability. Gokey has great vocals, but it stops there.. not a great personality.I agree he seemed to happy to satisfy his ambitions on the heels of his wife's death. He seems to be lacking where Kris is abundant...musicality. I woudl think he woudl be more successful than Kris, who will go nowhere. I never really understood the Alison hype and don't see her making it. Her voice is okay..but inarticulate and too brassy and unrefined. Adam will go all the way. The other one who seems to have a great voice...yet no stage presence....is Anoop. Perfect pitch and awesome range, yet he is too frat boy and clumsy. Time will tell.....
Forgot to answer your other question. Adam will be the most successful by far, then Kris as he is pretty mainstream, then I hate to say it, but I think Gokey may sell even better than Allison because he will have a broader mass appeal I think than Allison. Have to say I didn't like the way he acted during that time, always talking about his dead wife and yet didn't really seem to be mourning her. I just didn't care for him.
I can handle it, and yes I'm asking for details. I can already tell you slept with her by how you are behaving. LOL Rumors that I get jealous are greatly exaggerated. I get envious, not that. There is a difference. Well, maybe just a itsy little bit jealous, ... but only because I care so much about you. So sue me .... LOL !
So what are your feelings for her now? You can be honest, I'm prepared for anything.
You know I am an open book as far as my escapades are concerned. Feel free to ask me anything and I will answer honestly. But I have come to understand that you get a little uneasy and maybe a bit (I won't write the word...) when I tell too much. Like when I was explaining about my lovemaking intensity with J ...I never dreamed that it would bother you...but it did. So I will not offer any detailed accounts unless you request it specifically. Ask anything you like...but I warn you, you may or may not like the answer. I tend to offer too much detail and elaboration.
On another note...Adam's concert in NYC was, reportedly, an awesome experience. Allison, who was a non-finalist, opened for him...which begs the question: Who do you think will have the best career of the AI8 non-finalists?
Ohhhh you are such a tease! LOL So what happened? Did she come to rekindle your romance? And who slept with who? LOL Any tense moments? Come on, spill the beans ..... How did J. and her get along?
I think Joe Jackson molested his daughters, or at least that one that claimed he did. Wouldn't surprise me if he molested Michael. He is one messed up dude who seemed to enjoy massive and sadistic punishment on his kids. If there is a hell, I think he will be paying a visit there in the next life.
So how are you doing? Did the visit turn out better than you thought? And how long will you be away from home now?
No S&M, and no kinkiness from my end...unless you consider having sex with both men and women kinky...so no need to explain your comments.
It is certainly too bad that the most talented American entertainer of our lifetime, Michael Jackson, lived such a relatively short life and had such a tortured existence. I do not know for certain, but my gut tells me we was not a child molester. He had serious mental health issues, that was quite obvious and perhaps he had issues understanding societal norms and adhering to social mores. These allegations against him brought by the parents of these two boys seemed stunning especially when the parents allowed their children to stay at his mansion for an undetermined amount of time, overnight no less. I think he was a deeply sensitive soul who was tormented as an adult by a childhood that included a severely emotionally (and physically) abusive father.... and let's face it...that will screw up any otherwise 'normal' child. I say he is was definitely not straight....possibly and more likely, gay....and perhaps even asexual. He was looking for the innocence of childhood which he never had. I would not be at all surprised if he was sexually abused by a relative or other adult male. He, perhaps, crossed the line with these children in that he may have allowed them to see him unclothed (a stupid thing to do...) and slept in the same bed with them (equally stupid). Was he able to discern that this was highly inappropriate? Perhaps not, but I do not know. Is his obsession with reclaiming a childhood and with all things innocent a direct result of the unhealthy environment in which he grew up? Most certainly yes.
He was, most likely, a gay male but a very confused one who was very much in need of mental health intervention. Being gay , bi or straight has zero to do with being a child molester. Gay males are no more likely to molest young boys than straight males are to molest young girls. So, my feeling is that he made stupid mistakes and did inappropriate things...but was not a sexual child molester.
I am good. The visit is over and Beatrice opted to stay in a hotel for her last 2 days since I would not be around. Guess she wasn't too keen on staying alone with Jefferey and bro for her remaining days in the city. Makes sense I suppose....
Hi M., .... I am not into pain or S&M in case I left the wrong impression! LOL And I'm really not a screamer, though I can't say that has never happened. :)
Hard to believe it was a year ago today that we lost Michael Jackson. I've been watching the specials about him and am still processing how tragic and big the loss is. He was such a phenomenal, talented, intelligent, and unique human being. I remember this time last year, I was working for the FCC helping with the digital conversion. Wish I still had that job, really enjoyed it and it paid well, but alas, they were not hiring for permanent job positions. I remember you and I talking about the loss of him and Farah Fawcett. Who was the third person? Someone else died at this time as well, but I can't remember who it was. I am wondering what you believe about his sexual orientation? His former wife, Lisa Presley, claims they had normal sex. I have heard the rumor that he badly wanted a child with the King's daughter, ... a kind of legacy fulfillment. So that might explain having relations with a woman. I just get the nagging feeling though, that he wasn't into women. I don't think he was bisexual, .... or if he was, he was highly slanted towards the other end of the scale. There are rumors of liaisons and secret meetings with male lovers. And then there is the pedophile angle. I use to feel certain he was molesting little boys. He definitely felt a deep love for children. Did it cross the line? I don't know what to think anymore about that. I want to believe it didn't happen, as there is a type of innocence that seemed to live inside of Michael. Such as letting kids sleep with him in his bed. It very well could have been innocent for all we know. I would love to know what you think was going on with Michael, sexually speaking.
How are things going for you babe? Are you doing okay?
LOL You are so funny! If you hurt me, ... I scream. If you hurt me real good, ... I scream and moan. Mostly thouigh, I just moan ..... and maybe beg for more .... :) So, how are things going so far?
ummm.."an" exerted sigh....ugh! I really DO know English, lol!
But I am not screamer...I am more the type to produce or expel a deep, single audible (yet involuntary) climactic respiration....a exerted sigh if you will....
My partners? Well...that is another story. :)
PPS Be careful you don't slip up and scream out my name, "Ohhhhhh Storm.........AAAaaaaauuuuugggghhhh!" LOL
So, ... Solomon says, "You're terrific and I love you for it." You are a rare specimen in so many ways. Baby I'm amazed by you. Even when you scold me or we disagree, ... you just make me smile. You probably don't understand that, but it's true. I want to make love with you, and show you all that I am. That is as honest as I can be. I just need to know it will mean something to you, and that I am valued by you. Otherwise, you don't deserve me. Pure and simple.
When does Bea arrive? She intends to have you, ... Mark my words! And when you're making love to her, I want you to think of me! LOL Now I've really messed you up, haven't I?! LOL Well, I will be wishing it was me, giving you kisses all over your body and kissing you on your sweet mouth. What can I say, .. that's real. Strangely, I feel a calmness in me about this scenario playing out. Probably because you were kind and patient in explaining to me how you are feeling, and also because I want her to please you and make you feel good. I want you happy. And somehow, I can't help but like Bea, even though I don't know her, it seems like I can perceive and feel her essence, and I feel at peace with her. I feel for J., this can't be easy for him, and I hope you have been practicing your juggling act! Use your unique humor to lesson any tension. That will be your best glue to hold this situation together. I'll be thinking of you, and if you close your eyes and imagine, I will be sending all three of you a smile and a warm hug.
Clarification...it has been no female intercourse since one year ago this past May....over 13 months. Yes, you should feel badly for me. :)
Understood. But for the record, I do not give a rat's ass whether she is interested in, obsessed with or attempting to find out about me because I have no interest in her outside of these boards and she would be very easy for me to ignore. All of the information that Ellery has (my address, my work e-mail, my MSN, my V-Chat) is outdated. L has my last name and knows my bro's name (I think many of the bloggers know his name, it's Daniel, but that's okay)....really not a huge deal either. You see, I tend to be very obsessive irt internet communication....so I may go overboard sometimes and stay up until 3:00, 4:00 or 5:00 am chatting or just sending e-mail and other messages for hours and hours....it is unhealthy. I try to avoid that trap. I need barriers. Last year when I had the privacy issues...that made me more leery of exposing personal info, but that is a whole other issue.
You did not insult me. When people stay with me it is people whom I know well: friends, former gf/bf, family...not people like L's friends whom I knew only peripherally. They would be crazy to agree to stay in the home of a single guy in his late 30's whom they never met......in an unfamiliar major city no less. I NEVER would have invited L to stay with me even if she were coming alone as I think that infers the promise of sex. No? And as I stated, that was never my objective.
Regarding any blossoming feelings for J, you misunderstood. But I won't hold you completely responsible as I was cut off for going over the keystroke limit. I was responding to your comment where you wrote that you cannot have casual sex with someone who means zero to you, well, neither can I. Perhaps I have once or twice when I was a young lad, generally I do not. J is not someone who is faceless and meaningless to me even if what we have is carnal and physical and less emotional. I have feelings for him as I do any friend. I like his company and respect him as a person. My feelings are the same as they have always been for him...no more, no less. He knows for a fact that we will not be exclusive. I mean, I like women...how can I stay in a homosexual relationship exclusively? It makes no sense. He gets that. But, for you to infer that it has to be one way or the other (i.e.: you have sex w/ someone you are "in love" with, or someone you have no feelings for, whatsoever, forcing you to emotionally disconnect from them). I do not have sex w/ people whom I do not know or care about. I just don't do it and I have no desire to. I am attracted to people I enjoy conversing and whom I also find physically attractive, etc. I do not have to be "in" love to have sex though, and rarely that is the case for me. J and I are friends and I feel the warmth for him as one does for any friend...no more, no less. What we do together is fulfilling a physical desire....but since we are both deriving pleasure from the experience, I have no guilt, nor should I. What say you Oh wise Solomon? Has my relationship w/ J really lasted that long? He is my roomie too...and he helps me w/ bro. Otherwise, I admit, it may have ended. It is sex and friendship for me.
There was no "necking" with L. I don't think I ever kissed her on the mouth, in fact. Heavy petting? Yes, on her part. And she was very forceful about satisfying me...but, we never had intercourse, despite her very aggressive attempts. Use your imagination. But I honestly can say that it was not erotic and not romantic.She is a sweet, adorbale young women...elfin like. I felt like a dirty old man. I don't know how much you really want to know.
I have not had sexual intercourse with a women since last May. Mostly by choice. I think I am due.
I do not know what will happen when Beatrice arrives. I have not really thought about it. J already disapproves of her..though he is tookind to tell me that. Last year I was looking so forward to her visit...this year I am not. I have not slept in over 24 hours...apologies for grammatical
Babe, .... It is the 'topic' of Sarah that sickens me, more so than Sarah herself. I have brought her up way too many times in an attempt to warn you what she was trying to do behind your back, such as hounding and taking advantage of Ellery to find out your email, then your last name, then any personal info including now, what went on when L visited you. I feel she doesn't care about Ellery and is using her to get any info she can on you. It is obvious to me that Ellery doesn't want to give her info, but she keeps nagging her for it anyway. That bothers me because I feel she is using her, and you know I like Ellery. She is not one of my favorite people. I hope we can leave it at that.
I didn't mean to insult you when I asked if they stayed with you. You were just talking in a prior post about how expensive it is to stay in Manhatten, and how you had MORE company when you lived alone in your small apartment than you do now. I also didn't know how many co-workers she brought with her. Well, I would surmise now that you're telling me some necking and petting went on. At least both of you survived that night! LOL I NEVER invite myself to stay with someone, I think that's rude. I prefer staying in a hotel anyway so I have privacy and freedom to escape any plans I wish to not partake in.
Well, it sounds like J. is growing on you, and you are developing stronger feelings for him. I'm happy for you. It would appear that he is very good for you, and he has lasted this long! I'm sure that speaks volumes. You do know your post got cut off don't you?
I'm guessing you are heading back home, and Bea will be arriving soon. Good Luck with that one! LOL Hope to hear from you soon ... Take Care
QS: I am confused. You write that it "sickens" you to talk about Sarah. Whatever do you mean? Sickens? Why? What do you think happened? I never met her. What actually is sickening to you? You are the one who continues to post threads about her ad nauseam. The woman means nothing to me and I only like to chat Idol with her. When you say sickening I wonder if you are making inaccurate assumptions...or if you are considering her threatening in some way to express such disdain toward a person you never met. it is not a very nice thing to say about someone.That's my opinion.
I am not stupid...give me some credit. I wouldn't allow 3 unescorted female travelers whom I never met (and only 1 of them I 'knew') to stay at my place w/ me. Not to mention that was before I moved to my larger place so had a 1 bedroom unit. They stayed at a nearby hotel. I assumed they were coming to NYC with a travel itinerary and that I'd meet up with them briefly at a nightclub OR for dinner OR for a lunch. I did not invite them, they planned their own trip...or so I thought. When they called me upon arrival, I had the odd impression that their trip was centered around me. They wanted to meet up with me ASAP, chaperon them to sites, have lunch dinner and excursions the entire weekend. I decided that I would take them to both dinner and a club (if one is young and traveling to NY, you must go to at least 1 nightclub for the 'experience'!). Ellie's friends ended up back at the hotel early (I realized after that this was a planned departure) and I escorted L back to her hotel once she was ready to call it a night. They all had met me at my apartment earlier that evening and Ellie and1 friend left their purses and other belongings there...so L and I went back to retrieve them before going back to her hotel. I thought nothing of bringing her up to my place to gather her belongings ....but I was was completely caught off guard, floored by her aggressive maneuvers. Part intoxication (though she was not drunk) and part desperation. I basically peeled her off of me a half dozen times. She gave me this "please do not say no...I cannot handle another rejection" look. Man. I was very uncomfortable. What you think may have happened did not happen. But I won't say that nothing happened. She ended up staying the night since she fell asleep (possibly due to her nearly three alcoholic beverages....and she weighs about 100lbs. or less). The next morning she was cozy and romantic...this shocked me as well as I realized it was not just the alcohol...she was interested in me. I gave it to her straight and told her to cool it and that nothing was going to happen ..and I was not interested in her in that way. She looked distraught. But I had no other choice but to be frank. I told her that the prior night was a very unfortunate incident that never should have occurred and it would not be continued (again....don't let your mind wander...no real romance involved). She professed feelings toward me...which caught me by surprise. To make a long story short...she now despised me and told me just that (nothing new, I hear that a lot from women) and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. Not for partially giving in to her advances (under extreme pressure, and that is no embellishment) but for being such an idiot for not setting better parameters or for not having the radar to sense her attraction to me. In hindsight, I think I was showing her a kindness (mostly due to my upbringing) that she had not experienced with her younger, uncouth suitors here in the USA. And she was also a bit depressed...she needed to feel worthy of affection I suppose. Or maybe I am over-dramatizing to make myself feel better for my partial lapse in judgment.
I think you got me wrong. Deciding not to commit, but having lovers does not mean that I am disconnecting from them. I do not plan to have numerous or multiple lovers at the same time. I have feelings for J. I do not love him, but I fee
I appreciate your candor and info relating to all subjects of discussion. I don't really want to talk about Sarah anymore. It sickens me. If you have any doubts about me not being 'Curious', please check the IP address. I am telling the truth that it wasn't me, for what it's worth.
Ellery is a sweet girl and I will always like her. Sad that she had some bad relationships that affected her decision making and it involved you. It sounds like you were on the receiving end of what men like. She did praise you, and admitted she was the aggressive one. Did all of them stay with you? Was Erin there as well? Wasn't she the one who propositioned you? Just curious what you were dealing with.
Don't be so sure I couldn't handle a part time relationship with you. I haven't been single and alone this long by accident. I am part loner, and I like having my house to myself, as well as my independence to decide everyday what I want to do, and where I want to go. I am scared of getting myself in another bad relationship with an abusive or domineering guy, like what happened when I was 22. There are so many messed up people out there, which was yet another reason I shut myself down from dating for so long. I am still currently talking to this 'Michael' on the phone, but I can already tell he isn't right for me, as he doesn't read books and isn't very intellectual. If a guy doesn't have it going on 'upstairs', then I am bored and don't care what he has 'downstairs'. LOL He has also asked me some very creepy questions that he shouldn't be asking me, and he is calling wayyy too often. I keep thinking I should at least be willing to meet him in person, but if it keeps going like it is, I may decide to not do that. We'll see.
I know your plate is full, and I 'hear' where you are coming from. I accept that and I don't think you are shallow in the least for just wanting casual encounters. I can see why that works best for you. I just don't understand how you can disconnect from feelings for these people who you take as lovers. I can't do that and have casual sex with someone that means nothing to me. I've got to at least really feel a strong attraction and ' like' for the other person and know that feeling is at least reciprocal from my lover. Otherwise, I will walk away feeling empty and perhaps 'used' inside. The more you feel for someone, the closer to heaven you get. Don't you think?
Firstly, I checked and the 2 posts...one on the old board and one on the "who will win Idol9" poll are from 2 separate regions of the country.The old poll post in question is not from Ohio. I already checked it. My guess is you are merely 1/2 correct as Sarah posted the winky on the "Idol 9" poll. The "she's too old" could not have been posted by her as it is from an entirely different state---perhaps even a different time zone. Many people post as "@" and if you blog on a lot of different sites you will find that to be rather commonplace.
Secondly, I sent Sarah a message and we went back and forth during the time you were outraged by the board issues. She told me about 'Curious' (which I also suspected was you when I read there quickly at your request). I told her that you had denied being 'Curious' and that it must be an unknown troll. She was dubious re: my unknown troll theory and still insisted that it was you.
Thirdly, I was not sending you a link, but a response. I neglected to change my language settings so it came up indiscernible...or unreadable.
You seem to read my posts but you fail to 'listen' to them. It is not all about maintaining privacy. Yes, that is part of it. But when I get personal with people and there are no barriers, I get too obsessed and it usually ends badly and I do not have the time for obsessive communication anymore. I need to force myself to have barriers to communication. God...just re-read my lengthy posts regarding this on the old poll. I have so many balls in the air now and my juggling skills are not so great these days. I do not have time for interpersonal relationships. You could not handle having a partial relationship....be real. I prefer to keep things light and flirty. Besides, you would never see me...I live too far away and I am never home. Home is with another dude who shares my bed. I will never commit to a woman or a man because I will never be able to make the choice to maintain a relationship with one person, gender. EVER. This will never change. For me, sex is merely fulfilling a need, a desire. I prefer to have friends whom I sleep with. Not a loving committed relationship. I don't think that makes me shallow, it makes me realistic. It is my choice and it is what I want.
With Ellery, well, I promised not to spill the beans but I think perhaps, that was when we had on-line friends in common. She came out with some workmates to visit me. Big mistake...never will I allow that to happened again. She was depressed I guess and after a break-up with a new boyfriend on the heels of ending an emotionally abusive relationship with another....she was desperate for affection. She really was very forward with me, despite my many rebuffs and disinterest in a physical encounter. She is very young...maybe 24ish? She looks much younger than that. It felt awkward and I can't tell you what happened because she is very embarrassed by her behavior. She was angry at me for a very long time. I believe she was angry at her own behavior and my ultimate (partial) rejection of her the following day. I learned a lesson. I am not to invite people whom I don't REALLY know to visit me. It caught me by surprise and I 'd like to forget about it. A real mess of a situation.
I was all set to leave here forever and came back only when you got all upset over the Sarah situation. I am not sure what else needs to be said at this point. But you are right not to frequent these polls. They are becoming highly toxic.
Hi M., ....I know there is of course a regular on that poll at work, but if you check the IP address of that one post, it would prove this time it's her ( Ohio area ). She posted on the " Who Will Win American Idol 9? " poll at 6:46pm, and the old poll at 8:10pm, so she was on Rickey's that day. I have NOT been searching all over the boards for her, but I have gone to that same EW site "Nice Guys Finish First" every few days to check for activity. ( They left a map to there on Rickey's a week or two back, so I checked it out.) Sarah commented on there, that " I was 'Curious' , even though I deny it." Well, the old poll was the only place you and I had a conversation about whether or not I was 'Curious' on that EW site, and as I told you, I was not that person. So the fact that she knew I denied being that person, tells me she knows about that old poll. She is the person posting as '@'. She last posted on that EW site on either Sat. or Sun.. I knew trying to warn you what has been going down would swing back on me, and make me look bad, but I feel you need to know what she has been doing. It is all, right there on that site, if you click on every reply between E. and S.. She refers to me as "Quiet Bitch", along with other various names, and talks about you incessantly.
I would of course like to go private, but if you notice, I tried to supply ideas to get an answer from you without your having to divulge your own email, or even your own private phone number. Could be from a generic email of some sort or a pay phone for that matter. I don't want you going private until you're ready to. I'm not trying to trick or pressure you, that would be stupid and condescending, .. I was simply searching for a way to get an answer from you without it being broadcast on here. If you want to stay here and feel we are secure, then that's fine. Just let me know what you decide. Sorry for all this drama. I hate it too, but I am seeing her differently than you do, and her posts on that site will show you why.
Were you trying to send a link to me, as indicated by that above post?
Sarah is not hunting us down. Sarah does not consider you a threat and she is not jealous of you, I can assure you. Sarah is not the one on the old poll who has been posting that shit for several months aimed at you. That is 100% conjecture on your part, nothing more. I told you that I was certain that it is someone who was a regular there...and it is. You think you know more than I do about this, but you do not. You claim you know this for a "fact"...well, provide your factual data please. You are wrong. None of the posts in question on the old poll come from Sarah's state of residence. So before you pontificate to me, please kindly state your supposed evidence of this "fact". No offense, but you are beginning to sound paranoid. Sarah is pretty transparent and she is not that bright. She does nothing methodically as she is incapable. I told you I do not give a shit if she likes me or not. She may very well have an attraction to me..but I don't care. I no longer meet people in 3-D whom I know on the internet and it is highly doubtful that I will ever meet her. I told her this. She is not "obsessed"...that is a grand leap and a rather strong descriptor. Even if you could show me proof/evidence that she is after me and/or obsessed with me, still, I would not care. It changes nothing and it is no big deal and makes little, if any, difference in my life.
You claim Sarah is "hunting us down", yet, you seem to be combing other boards and seeking information about her....so, what's the difference? Isn't that what you are accusing her of doing? While I do not want to 'sound' like I am accusing you of having ulterior motives, one might surmise from this missive of yours that it is a pressure tactic to get me to go private. I can't blame you as I should have either stopped communicating several months ago or agreed to exchanged e-mail. I have done neither. If you still claim to "know this as a a fact" I would like you to provide supporting evidence of such claim as I am SURE beyond any doubt that you are incorrect. These posts on the old board began way before Sarah. I know what I am talking about.
Not safe to post any links on here, honey. Sarah knows about the old poll, and posted the " She's too old " comment. I know this for a fact,... no doubt. She is probably, methodically, going through all these polls looking for us. She is postponing her trip to NYC since she can't hook up with you, which IS the main reason she wants to come to NY. She wants to corner you into a hook up when she can catch you at home. She commented that she wouldn't mind you getting her drunk and taking advantage of her. She wants more than friendship, and sooner or later you will see this. She is obsessing about you, and about us. We need to completely leave the idol boards and find a site none of your other friends know about. If you can think of one, try to email me from a benign email address if you want. I will not email back and that way you don't give me your email. ( If you want to do it that way. ) Or drop instructions in an envelope and mail to me. She is also badgering Ellery now for details about what happened between the two of you. Another sign of her over interest with you, and wanting to know your personal business. Another option you have, is to call me. I would love to hear your voice, and I will not try to call back from what number you call me from. Promise! Let me know what you want to do.
PS This has nothing to do with jealousy, in case you're wondering. It has to do with wanting to talk freely with you, without fear of someone hunting us down.
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OMG by Usher
Honey let me love you down ..
There's so many ways to love ya.
Baby I can break you down ..
There's so many ways to love ya.
When you get to your hotel room, Google ' Wild Orchid '. You can watch a clip of the love scene between Mickey and Carrie, as well as other clips from the movie. I've always loved Mickey, and Carrie is as beautiful as a woman can get. This movie is VERY steamy and erotic. I didn't check, but if you Google ' Two Moon Junction ', that might bring up some clips of that movie.
So am I. Your fault, too. :o
At the airport, delayed flight, checking work stuff, blog stuff, wasting time, ....I-am-very-horny. Your fault.
My stud muffin extraordinaire ( LOL love that, and it fits you ), ... I do want you. And I want you badly. It must be close to 5 years since I let anyone get intimate with me. I just want to make sure there is no misunderstanding. I wasn't saying you would have to be exclusive to me, and only me. But I was saying, ...if I hold no special place in your heart, mind, and emotions, and spirit, then it would be akin to meaningless sex and therefore smut in your eyes. As much as I love you, and feel for you, it would be exactly like that Bonnie Raitt song, ' I Can't Make You Love Me '. I would feel the 'power', but you won't. "No, you won't." You don't know how tempting it is for me to say "Screw it, ...I want you so badly that I will let go of my self respect and surrender my personal value so I can experience this moment and make a memory with you, even though you will feel next to nothing and I will feel everything for you." Will meaningless sex fulfill you inside for the rest of your life? I don't think it will, so I think it would be wise of you to at least reserve the right to change your mind somewhere down the road. Don't you think? I know there is a deeper side to you, and I want to see you truly fulfilled in ALL ways, not just physical needs. I have imagined being with you a thousand times at least, and maybe some day we can still make this happen, when the time is right, and we are of 'one mind '. I want to meet you some day, no matter what. Whether we become passionate lovers, or remain good friends for life, it will be beautiful between us. This I know ....
I am not getting back together with Beatrice because I have decided that I will never have a committed relationship again, ever. I realize that I am not made like that and it is too difficult for me to maintain emotionally....too much work. I am simply not interested in this type of relationship anymore. Even if she were available and interested in rekindling a romance, she would not have it be a 'sometime thing'....I think she would demand a full-throttle commitment like last time. Forget it. J says he is fine with casual and uncommitted....but she would not be. I do not think she would be averse to having sex when she comes out, though I am not pre-planning for this possibility. But we will not be getting back together, this I know. You can't complain because I offered to have a no-strings "physical encounter" (i.e.: sex) with you and you did not take me up on it! So hmmmmph! Actually...I can't blame you.
Okay then....I need to go for real this time. I was doing so well staying away and then you made me come back to rescue your from the meany squad! You think it's nice to talk to me...but you don't realize how unhealthy it is!
J is pissed that I am on the boards and blogs. He has been very unlike himself lately...angry that I have been neglecting bro (his words), angry that I am on the computer wasting time (his words)...I think he is really unhappy about the upcoming visit, but he is not saying that. should be interesting....
I'm sorry I keep you coming back. I really do want what is best for you. It's just hard to let you go, because I love and enjoy you so much. I hope you won't keep me in suspense as to the end result of Bea's visit. That would be like not getting to read the last chapter in a suspense novel. LOL I would love to know what happens, and to know you escaped it with your life intact! LOL Please think of a way to get a picture of yourself to me, it would mean a lot and I would cherish it. I don't want you to be faceless anymore. Wish I could have seen your work video. Does it still exist? Well, I don't have any lithium for you, LOL .... but I do have much love for you and a passionate desire to be here for you whenever you need me, or just want to talk. And if you get lonely in your hotel room wherever you are, I'm here, and only a thought away from you. Hope you have a smooth and safe flight out if I don't hear from you before you go. Duran Duran, ' Save A Prayer '. All My Love, QS
But I don't really feel stressed beyond my limit. I thrive on stress and am not big on relaxing. I don't believe "nervous breakdown" is actually a clinical term...in fact, Mental health professionals will tell you it does not exist. People who are prone to mental illness can dive into a deep depressive state triggered, but not caused by, too much stress...but they are already suffering from an initial psychosis.
My ankle is better. I ran 6 miles yesterday. I've got to work off my fat belt that accumulated from lack of exercise. I gained 4-5 pounds. J said another 10 pounds and I'll be up to a normal weight for my height (he is insinuating that I am underweight).
I never thought my life was so exciting that I could actually make it a Twilight Zone episode. Impressive! Living in f midtown Manhattan....we always have people wanting to visit us. Manhattan is such a major attraction that if someone comes to the city for a play, ballet, art museums, whatever....it is better to stay with someone else than to pay upwards of $400.00+ per night for a decent hotel. When I lived alone (before bro and certainly before J) I had a smaller place...but many more visitors. Most of my friends with whom I have maintained contact are former lovers....male and female. Even J and I were friends after our initial courtship. So I have had numerous X's visiting me in the city. Is that really unusual? And of course if one has former girlfriend/boyfriends visiting, it is assumed that you were lovers and if that person was sexually attracted to you at one time then odds are...they will still be sexually attractive to you now. Right? Sex might just happen in these cases. You gotta get out more, babe! LOL
I don't think I'll be in touch for a while, what with traveling, visits from vixen-lady (kidding!!), more traveling, pressure to give bro more attention.....etc. Okay, thanks to you I am becoming blog obsessed again. You are NOT HELPING! Stop pulling me back here or else I may suffer a nervous breakdown!! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Have a nice summer. Hope to be in touch soon.
I think it is good you have a chance to get out of ' Dodge ' for now. Your life is more stressful than that of most people, and I continue to be amazed by you. You really are extraordinary ....
Your upcoming situation would make a good episode for the now extinct ' Twilight Zone '. LOL It is definitely 'unusual'. Did your headache go away? I'm sure stress has at least part of the reason for the cause of it. How is your ankle? Are you completely up to 100% yet? Have you ever suffered a nervous breakdown? I hope this isn't the 'perfect storm' brewing up for you. You seem to have an extra strength and resolve in you that pulls you through, and I am glad for that ... I have to ask, ... Are you taking time to enjoy your life, and are you happy? I realize you are under an extra heavy schedule right now that will hopefully ease up soon, but I hope you realize that you are entitled to having a happy and fulfilled life 'outside' of work. Sometimes I worry about you more than you know. I care .....
ha ha ...and I left the Demi comment on the old poll. Do not know who the Ashton or "Oedipus" comments were from, but it goes to show you....many eyes are reading these poll comments!
I hesitate to open up because I know sometimes I can be too revealing. For example, if you were to provide details about a liaison you had, it would not bother me at all and I would think of it as simply providing details. But when I do the same, I sometimes, unintentionally, ignore the emotional ramifications that may, in turn, ensue a debacle....because it would never affect me in that way.You seem to get slightly bothered sometimes and I won't use the word jealous, but envious or covetous... It is fine, but I want you to know that I am not hiding info, just unsure how much to 'say' and what to 'say'. So, I was going to write that Beatrice provided oral stimulation (or better known as a ---- job), but thought you might find that offensive. And that was at the very end of the visit. There are certain things that I really like and she uses that knowledge to pull me back in. We fought the entire first day...so had no time for make up sex.....now, I am glad. At the time, I really wanted to engage in intercourse ....but feel happy now that it did not happen. We'll see what this visit brings. I am not as vulnerable now, so her time here will allow me to be very frank with her if needed. I think she is jealous of J even though I explained to her that J and I are very casual and uncommitted. She told me I should have him stay in the hotel while she visits. The truth is, J would do that. But I told him to remain here. I hope she doesn't try to intentionally make him feel uncomfortable so he leaves. It's only 4 days that I'll be here....and the last 2 days of her visit I'll be traveling and she'll be stuck with J and bro, LOL! That ought to be fun....
I never heard of the film "Wild Orchid". And depending on when it was released....I never watched tv, movies, growing up unless it was a National Geographic special or a Mandarin language film. My parents were very strict about tv viewing and exposing us to American movies. We were told to "read instead". I saw a few movies in college, grad school...
I have to run to tie up some loose ends before my trip. J is pretty angry at me so I am gong to sneak out before he notices. Bro is annoyed that I keep leaving too. But not much I can do about that...gotta earn a living! J thinks I am ignoring bro and am relying on him to pick up the slack. Not sure why he is complaining so much lately, but I find it annoying. This is a good time for me to leave. By the time I return, all will be forgotten!
I love details, ... you can tell me anything you want and the worst thing that will happen is I might get all hot and bothered. LOL I know what to do about that so don't worry. In my past, many unusual opportunities presented themselves as I seemed to attract both sexes with regular frequency. Traveling and rubbing elbows with high class celebrities showed me a pretty wild side of life as well. I was mostly an observer and not a partaker, as I was very inexperienced in anything out of the usual. Did you ever see the movie ' Wild Orchid ' with Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis ? I love that movie because of the characters the two of them played. I relate to Carrie's character, because that is about how shocking the world seemed to me after leaving my home town. The movie is now a bit outdated and cheesy in a few places, but I love how the storyline plays out between Mickey and Carrie's characters. So erotic. I am a fan of Zalman King's movies. 'Two Moon Junction' is another movie he did that I like. They are both in my movie collection. Mickey and Carrie fell in love during the making of ' Wild Orchid '. I have gotten way off track of where I was going. Let's just say, some wild things happened to me, and I liked it! LOL Hope I can tell you about these things some day. Dare not say more here.
Whoever was on the old poll, doesn't appear to want to answer my questions. I am glad we moved off of there. The person who signed in as ' Oedipus ' intrigues me. Picking that name tells me they may be smarter than the average bear. Yet they show ignorance and intolerance over age gaps. Or is it jealousy? Hmmmm....
Beatrice now intrigues me as well. Should it ever be that I get an opportunity to meet her, I would welcome it. If she ever wanted to come to NM for any reason, such as Balloon Fiesta, which I'm sure she would love, I would be happy to give her an invitation to stay with me. You and your bro would be welcome too. I don't have room for everyone though at the same time. I only have three bedrooms. Does she like dogs?
I hope your headache goes away. I would be rubbing your back, neck, shoulders, temples, and forehead if I was there with you, ... and anything else you wanted rubbed. :)
So who is that you are chatting with on the "old poll"? Seems like many more have access than we would have imagined. I wonder if they are enjoying all of my personal, sex-filled posts?
When bro was leaving to go to dinner with J, I said goodbye and tried to give him a hug...he pushed me away and told me that he "wished Jeffery was his brother, not me". Jeffery gave me a stern look and said "we need to talk later tonight". Lecture time!!
You would really hit it off with Beatrice....she is intelligent, funny and a lot of fun to be around. She is bossy which a lot of women do not like and she shared with me that most of her friends tend to be male, not female. I think you two would get along famously. She is not bisexual and I don't think she ever had a female tryst....but, it's never too late! I think she is very heterosexual...yet very open-minded. I am not going to get back together with her. Firstly, she is in a newer position of authority with her Company in Brussels and would not be able to relocate here. Secondly, I drive her crazy and we both realize that a long-term relationship would never work (we discussed this during her last visit) and thirdly, I am no longer feel the same about her and if need be, will confess this to her. She is VERY proud and would not be interested in me if she heard this confession from me. I suspect she already knows this.
Well, how much does QS want to hear? You ask ...hint at....what was it "like" when Bea visited me for two days in the Fall (or was it summer?? Early September, I think). Well, we had very little time alone. We exchanged some words....she got pissed at me....cooled down after a day. Made up later....she offered the olive branch in the form of something that men really like and have a hard time refusing when offered. I am being careful with my wording not knowing whether you are really interested in knowing the answer or not. It matters not as this was several months ago.
My headache is back. I wonder if it is stress related? LOL! I am going to run off to finish some work and then go out for a run.
Your brother loves and misses you, and I'm sure he will get over this very quickly. I am wondering what it was like between Bea and you when you visited with her before Ellery came to town, and wasn't there a two day visit as well? I think the writing is on the wall that she definitely plans to be sleeping in your bed with all that implies, so that seems like a given to me! LOL I have a feeling again that her other relationship is cooling off, ... as is evident with the decision they will never marry, so don't be surprised if she tries to rekindle what you once had. If she wants a committed and constant relationship from a guy, why is she at your door? Another reason I think her other relationship is cooling off. This is what I'm seeing from a distance, with the few facts you have provided. I do understand what you're saying about the European mindset when it comes to their more open attitude about sex and relationships, and it's always possible she just wants that, but I just have a feeling she wants more. Hope I'm wrong. Your best bet is to put where you're coming from in front of her before she even gets there, so there will be no misunderstandings, and to of course ask her what she is expecting and wanting from this visit. That will save everyone from awkward moments when she gets there hopefully. I hope this helps you. From what you describe of her now, I think I would like her very much. Does she like women? LOL :)
Bea is one of those people who makes an instant impression...bubbly, extroverted, chatty, demonstrative, overly-friendly and charismatic. The problem is she is very driven, stubborn and wants things the way SHE wants them...sound familiar?? There was so much intensity with us...between us...which was great for some things (ahem) and not so great for other things. She is a native french speaker and I am fluent as well....she is from Belgium so she also is fluent in German as am I (my dad was German born). She would become angry at me and mumble the most disgusting, demeaning and insulting things in French and sometimes in German....I'd remind her "I understand French, even obscene words". It bothered me but I accepted it. In retrospect, I realize she was doing this intentionally knowing I understood. Nice, huh?
I informed her that I will happily put her up at a nearby hotel in my neighborhood--a very nice boutique hotel--.but she said that would defeat the purpose of her visit. I told this to J and he just rolled his eyes. I think he already disapproves of her and not because he is jealous...he is not. I think he feels she is disingenuous. She certainly has many good points though...or else i never would have fell so hard. I guess I really do not know what to expect....at least this is not the first time I've seen her after the initial split...that was hard.
Luckily J and I have a very no-strings casual relationship where neither of us is "in love" or wanting more romantically or else it would be very stressful for one, or both of us..... and if that were the case, I'd have told her not to stay with me. But J is fine with all of this. So i do not believe there will be a menage a' trois in my future, much to Bea's dismay, LOL!
I have to travel to the west coast for a couple of days. Bro is really angry with me for being gone so much...but he should be happy that his caretaker and J have been around to keep him company. I try to be patient with him, but feel that he is lucky that J has been around and should not be complaining. When I left for work this morning bro told me he "hated" me. Hope he gets over it fast...I've been getting the silent treatment from him. J is going to take him out for dinner tonight to cheer him up ( while I'm busy trying to pack and get some work done) ....that should help. Not sure what he expects from me being so busy with work. I have a feeling I'd make a terrible father!
Hi Babe, ... I really enjoyed your last post. You are quite entertaining, and I love how your mind thinks, at least most of the time. "Frogs are creepy". LOL You crack me up! Well, I am a country girl at heart, so I love nature sounds, but I have lived in cities since I left home at 18, and I love the city life as well. I have the best of both worlds with my set up and location. I'm in a developed neighborhood, but houses are somewhat far apart, and my house sits on a 3/4 of an acre lot. It feels country like and my view from my backyard is looking out over the lush Rio Grande valley and beyond that is Sandia Mountain. I can also see a portion of the city lights at night. Best of all, I've never had a mortgage payment. My parents, without my asking them to, bought this for me straight out in one payment. If I lived by the river, mosquitoes might be a problem at night. I am far enough away that there are no bugs getting on me at night, though I take a flashlight out with me and check around my lounger now and then to make sure no spiders are near me.
I would love to have a picture of you if you can figure a way to send one to me. Through my email perhaps? You will always be special to me, and it would just be nice to have an image to go with your words. I have tried to imagine you so many times. The avatar picture on my twitter site gives you an idea what I look like. My hair is down to the middle of my back or longer right now, and it is blondish brown in color. Not as dark looking as in that picture. Well, you already know I am highly attracted to Asian looking men, so I already know you will look very handsome to me.
I didn't mind your detail at all of your upcoming situation. It is going to be quite interesting how it all plays out for you. I pictured Bea as being very mellow and calm like me. I must be more like Jeffrey. I would think that if she is more like you, it would lead to combustible situations between the two of you. My parents taught me through watching them interact, to keep things light, and look for the humor when there is disagreement. It takes an awful lot to get me cranky, and the worst that would happen from that, would probably be a door getting closed a little harder than usual. LOL I really am very easy to get along with and it is my nature to think positive and take time to breathe in and re-center myself when I feel stress setting in. I feel no unsettled emotion with Bea coming to see you. I feel calm. Jealousy is not a word that fits what I feel. I think envy fits this scenario though, but not in a deep or troubling way. I simply wish it could be me spending time with you, and I still hope some day I will get to meet you in person, and have a chance to spend some time with you.
Hope you can catch up on rest, and I'm here if you feel like talking. Take Care ...
I am not far from Rockefeller Center....but still am not the type to get up at 5:00 am to get a line by the street floor Today Show window to wave a sign, LOL! Don't care for Matt Laurer--he's pretty dim ....but I suppose you don't have to be a PhD to host a morning talk show.
I guess i am never curious what people look like. I am not drop dread gorgeous, trust me. I look like a skinny Asian dude. Okay--I look more Thai or Filipino since I am only 1/2 Taiwanese. I l have the facial appearance of being more than 1/2...the most Asian appearing of my parent's children. When people from my company (overseas locations) finally meet me they tell me that I underplay my looks...but I feel the only reason I may look good is because of the way I dress. Crisp, rather traditional...formal. If you like the look of East Asian men, you will like the way I look. If you are not into Asians...you will think I look like another Asian man, no stand out. I am not a hunk. I conservatively consider myself a solid 7...verging on a lower-end 8. I look like my mother but have my father's angular German bone structure. Maybe at some point I can link you to a URL of a photo and once you look at it, print it, whatever...I can delete it off-line. You are very curious. Let me think about that....
I don't enjoy sitting outside listening to frogs. That's creepy...and the noise is annoying. I don't like bugs on me or flying near me so tend to stay inside more. I really enjoy the city.
I realize after re-reading my long missive that I was probably offering more detail to you than requested regarding my sleeping arrangements when Bea visits. I wasn't sure if you really wanted to know and now I realize that you were not actually inquiring as much as exhibiting a bit of jealousy, envy perhaps...of the situation. Bea is intense and high strung and inpatient like me. We lasted 4 months and I don't think it could have lasted long-term...though I loved her and had hoped it would. She was angry at me often (for good reason) during our courtship....she is the polar opposite, personality-wise, of Jeffery. I have mixed feelings about seeing her. She invited herself so I had no choice. But I should make it clear that I really enjoy sex and have a hard time refusing it if I am attracted, even minimally, to someone, and know them on some level. I never go out looking for it...but my libido is another wonderful think I inherited from philandering dad. Home for one more day and then gone for 2...and home again. I am so tired.
It is now 2am here, and I had fallen asleep in my big leather chair in my living room while on my computer. Don't even remember how long ago. My dogs wanted out, so I walked out on my back patio with them, and looked up at the moonless dark sky to see the Milky Way directly above me. I saw a bright meteor blazing a trail as it journeyed from south to north. So beautiful out tonight, I may grab a blanket and sleep outside on my chaise lounger. My froggies are really croaking up a storm. I was listening to one of my favorite groups of all time earlier today, which is Tears For Fears. In particular, their song, ' The Working Hour '. That song has been playing over and over in my head. It is so hauntingly beautiful with it's musical composition and arrangement. When you have a moment, ... put this song on and listen to the sax and Roland's voice. He is one of the best singers ever. You'll love this song! Well, time for bed. Wish you could sleep out under the stars with me ...
That wasn't you that answered back to Drew on that fairly recent poll 'Who Will Win American 9? ' I'm shocked. Maybe it was RO. He/she came to my defense once before, but if it is this person, they must somehow know my age. Anyway, Drew commented, " Someone says she over 60." Mystery person came back as @Drew " NOT TRUE. Someone says you're acting like you're 13. Wise up!" I figured it had to be you. And then on the poll we use to talk on, someone signed in under Oedipus, again with a hang up about my age, so I left them my response. Some people my age look old and I'm shocked. I honestly have escaped that so far. I am like Demi, Cher, Tina Turner I guess. I am always guessed to be in my thirties somewhere, and I act young and am active. I really am shocked at how many people are hung up on age gaps. So strange to me ...
I was in a very happy light hearted mood when I posted to you, so my questions or comments to you were on the light side as well. Don't take them too seriously.
The more you talk about J., the more I like this guy. For real. I can tell he is good to you and your bro, and I'm glad he is there when you need him. I don't know enough about Bea, but I'm sure she is a good person too, and it will be good for you to have some company. The only question I have at the moment is whether you are at home or away? I always watch the NBC Morning Show with Matt Lauer and crew, and it's a nice feeling to know whether you are in the city as I'm watching or not. If you weren't so darn busy, I'd ask you to go down there in the morning and hold up a sign that says, ' QuietStorm ' in the crowd, with the hope I would finally get to see your face. LOL You could always stick a picture of yourself in an unmarked envelope and send it to me. I know, .... when pigs fly! LOL Well, a girl can dream can't she?! :)
Ummmmm....so....when did I stick up for you? Where and why? Sorry but I don't want to receive unearned credit. Me confused!
I don't care if you do or do not like Sarah. I am just giving it to you straight. She is not the root of the trouble on this board. Perhaps she has been jabbing you (and dare I say...'vice-versa') but is not the 'ageist' that you believe her to be.
What "popularity" is "haunting" me? Huh? Are you serious? Because Sarah is a thorn in your side? I am not interested in frequenting any of these boards anymore, in fact...I have dropped most of them of my own accord.
"Who will share your bed w/ you? J or Bea or both"? Is that a sincere query? Are you asking me this or are you hinting or insinuating...or do you really want to know the answer? I am not sure if this is a real question or not. It feels a bit like one of those scenarios where I give an honest reply and then the questioner gets pissed off and throws something at me...or rushes off in a huff. Am I warm? I guess I am uncertain if you are requesting a reply or not so I will err on the side of a candid and honest rejoinder. I have not pre-palnned to share my bed with Bea ...especially since J will be there and that might be awkward for all of us. If J left during her visit (and he offered to do so) then I guess she would be sleeping with me if she chose to. I am trying to avoid that potential scenario by making J stick around. I don't want to get involved with her on a serious level again...though I am not averse to having sex only. J has been sharing my bed since mid-end of May, but I am not home much...when I want to be alone I have him stay in the spare room/study. When we have sex/sexual episodes he usually sleeps in my bed with me after, depending on my mood. J is pretty conservative and a 'straight-arrow' (no pun intended), relatively speaking. I don't think he would fancy a menage a' trois. And let's face it: I would be the sole beneficiary of that scenario...Jefferey would only want sex only from me, Bea would want it from me and from J...but would get it only from me, but I would want it from both J and Bea and get it form both of them. Besides, judging from her past statements, I believe her preference would be as an observer of J and me going at it, not a participant. I am sure that crossed her mind since she requested this numerous times during our courtship. I know J would feel quite uncomfortable performing in front of her and while I am sure he would do this if I asked him to, I would never ask him. Back when we were seriously dating, I felt she was threatened by my ambiguous sexuality and needed to see me having sex with dudes as a way of being part of that segment of my life. Jealousy or maybe just control or possessiveness....or merely a kinky perversion of sorts? I cannot say. At this point, I would have no reason to engage her or humor her in this way. I have a feeling she would like to share my bed and have sex with me , but I made it clear to her that J would be sticking around and she is okay with that. I believe she is still with her boyfriend as she would have told me otherwise.I would be lying if I said that I definitely won't have sex with her. I do not know the answer...but I am not opposed to the notion....I am not actively seeking this from her either. Does this answer your question?
I still do not believe that Sarah is obsessed with me or that she is stalking me. Perhaps she could have the hots for me, I cannot say....but she has not bothered me or tried to chase me down as far as I know. I really don't care because I can simply ignore her if I like. And I am not l upset with you. Feel free to ask me anything you want...but I warn you....you will get only an honest answer which you may or may not like. I just don't feel comfortable offering information because I have noticed some jealousy and I don't want to enrage you. Woman are always pissed off at me so nothing new.But I have a pretty thick skin
Well dang! If I had known Sarah loves Adam like you and I do, maybe we would have started off on the right foot. If she's a Democrat, we could be buds! LOL Just kidding. Are you still at home? And thank you so much for sticking up for me. That means a lot! :)
The comment on the other poll is the same jerk who commented numerous times in the past few months (as far back as last Fall) re: issues she has with your 'octogenarianism' (lol). Sarah is not to blame for those comments, this I know. She thought you were much younger and even asked me your age. It is one of the old regulars. Trust me. Sarah did not follow me here---Sarah was here for a spell during season 8 and posted on Rickey's numerous times during the Adam/Kris finale period. She hated it here because Rickey was so Anti-Adam and she is a big glambert. And btw, you give me far too much credit: Everyone I meet does not want to f*** me. Believe me, if that were true I would be a most happy man!
Oops....I'll be back later I need to catch my ride home....Think about this.
Did you see the comment left on the old poll? My God, it feels like you and I are being tracked down like we are fugitives. Ever since S. tracked you down over here to Rickey's, it seems like the flood gates have opened. I already know you will give me flack for that remark, but think about it. It's true. This place has indeed become very toxic with nosy people wanting to get into our business. I don't think we are safe here either. We are indeed being hunted! If you have any ideas, let me know. I know it would be best for you and I to stay away for awhile so people get bored and move on, not only here, but all the idol boards you are on. Your popularity now comes back to haunt you!
So who will share your bed with you, J. or Bea? LOL Perhaps both? LOL That would fulfill that fantasy of hers. I am wondering if her relationship with her bf is cooling, and she is now trying to rekindle what you two once had? I hear you and know where you are coming from, so I really have no problem with your situation. And I would like to address this 'jealousy' topic. We have talked about this before. I am NOT the overboard very jealous person you are beginning to perceive me to be. Do I feel the emotion of jealousy? Absolutely, but I know how to control it and not let it control me. Am I not open minded and understanding, and accepting, of your situation with J. and now Bea? Most women would tell you to get lost. Your comment that I went overboard in front of Sarah to get her to back off is not really true. I have always shown great affection in my replies to you, and in fact I was being myself. Did I hope she would get a clue? Absolutely. I think you are being quite naive when it comes to Sarah. I AM a woman and I KNOW woman behavior, so please give me some credit here. She is on the prowl for a man, and if you don't think you are a target, you need to think again. She had a conversation with you "many times" as she said, where you voiced that women start out fine, and then become very jealous, and you don't like that. You just gave her a very big clue on how she should 'behave' around you, so she is now playing the part, 'playing it cool and detached' and flying under your radar so she can generate an opportunity to meet you and 'harmlessly' flirt with you. Honey, I swear to God she is obsessed with you and tracks you desperately through all the idol boards. I know this from her comments as well as other people's comments. I know you will say this is just my imagination, but I am basing this on facts and how she is behaving. I can see it, and for some reason, you cannot. She is playing a part and pretending to "just be friends", but I'm telling you with absolute certainty that she is after you for much more. I know you will just say it matters not, and you don't believe me, and that's all fine and well. Just consider what I am telling you, and be aware, that's all I'm asking. I'm sure you are as sick to death of this topic as I am, so I promise you, now that I have given you my true thoughts about her, I'm putting this behind me and not talking about it anymore. Don't get upset with me, I'm trying to help you.
I hope you can get back to feeling like you can be forthright with me, as that is one of the things I admire and love about you. I love and enjoy our talks about what is going on in our lives, and sharing our thoughts. Are you still experiencing depression? Hope you're doing better.
But QS...she HAS found your Achilles heel (assuming that was her objective) because you made it quite obvious in your posts that you were going overboard to express your perceived closeness with me and it was a way of indirectly saying "back off" to her...or rubbing her nose in it. Truth is, she is not that crazy for me as you think. Yes, I suppose if I invited her to stay at my place in NY she would readily accept (not that I ever dreamed of that scenario), but she is not obsessed or consumed by thoughts of me. And even if she were...I do not really care. It's not my problem. She can be gruffly behaved and very bold at times, but certainly not a mean person. I think she is having fun with you because she knows how it irritates you when she winks and flirts....but she has always been like that with me and it has never gone beyond harmless flirting. No big deal. I am not as forthcoming as I used to be with you because I have seen a bit of a jealous streak which I never would have predicted. Don't bother denying it....it is apparent to me. It's okay. It is not something someone chooses...it is an emotion. I am not the jealous type, have never been. I have had so many girlfriends in the past TRY to make me jealous and it has never worked. I just don't get that One cannot create an emotion in someone unless they are predisposed to that emotion. But I digress...
Beatrice is still with her long term boyfriend. She tells me that now they have decided they will not get married as they see no reason to. Can't argue with that. If you no longer have the goal of raising children together...why get married? She was living and working in NYC for two years when we met, but then relocated back home . Her Company is stationed in NY but has an office in Belgium...and all over Western Europe. I don't foresee a reunion in the cards. Yes, a year ago I , perhaps, would have jumped at the chance...but a lot has changed. I have changed. I don't want that type of relationship anymore. She would have it no other way but constant and committed...never casual. But she is still with her bf from what she has shared with me. Well, I guess the more I thought about her the more her bad points have become apparent..."Familiarity breeds contempt"? Is that the saying? Maybe she is expecting sex and affection, I have not thought about that. And Europeans, in my experience, are very accepting of this even when they are in committed relationships. This will not be painful for me as I have no expectations. I saw her for two days back in early fall and it was fine.. . My feelings have dampened toward her since then. But in all honesty, I cannot predict what the outcome of her visit will be. We will only be together for a few days...nothing extended. I think she just missed NY and wanted to fly out for a mini vacation and figured she'd see me at the same time. We share the same birthday so she thought of me I guess.
Gotta run, take it easy.....
I would love nothing more than for this antagonism and friction between Sarah and I to be over. I hope you can tell that I have made great effort to treat her fair and to make peace with her, more than once, and I will try it again. I think ignoring her is the only thing that will work, because I have a feeling she is still going to try to make me jealous with her flirting with you. She thinks she has found my Achilles heel, and I do think she is a not so nice person. Sorry, just my opinion and experience with her, and definitely not my type of friend. But I don't like what this does to your life. You shouldn't have to be coming in here and seeing this nonsense. So for your sake and my own, I will go way out of my way to avoid conflict with her. She is definitely the type that has to have the last word, and a mean word at that, so I'll let her have her way, and just walk away. Again for your sake as well as mine.
Is Bea still with her boyfriend? I take it not. I know you felt love for her, so I'm wondering if she wishes for a reunion with you? It looks like this would be somewhat painful for you. Am I wrong?
Ellery and Sarah are very friendly on line. Ellery and Sarah have "known" each other for well over a year. They may have even met in person at one point. I don't really want to start a conversation w/ Ellery about this. Not necessary. Why do I seem to have so many female ( on-line) issues? I have to admit to you that if someone does have an attraction to me (especially a cyber attraction, site unseen) I really don't give it too much thought. I hate to sound jaded, but it has happened so many times to me that I don't think much of it. I am perfectly and completely capable of making someone quickly fall out-of-love with me or simply decide they don't want to be with me. Frankly, I am not very eager to understand Ellery's take on this non-issue or whether she feels Sarah is attracted to me...because I do not care what her opinion may be on this non-issue. It makes no difference in my life, you see.
I sent Sarah a quick missive asking her what her issues were...I received quite a rant. I told her that I feel we are (she and I) just friends on-line and that anything more than that is other's imaginings (not to say only 'yours'...but all of the other people you mentioned) and she promptly and summarily agreed. I am not really sure what her reply on the other poll actually meant....but it appears she was doing to you what you were doing to her: replying under the guise of only responding to me----- in a familiar way to either incite jealousy (as in your case) or to rub your nose in it (as in her case). She thinks you are a very jealous woman. I told her that she should steer clear of you and you of her. She agreed. I also told her that it would not be convenient when she comes to NY to spend time with her as my friend Bea from Belgium is visiting....and I am leaving 2/3 the way through Beatrice's visit for work travel....and J will be entertaining her....Oy! that ought to be quite interesting......LOL! Sarah agreed with everything I said and seemed fine with it. No ambiguity, no argument, no negative criticism. 'All's well that ends well'!
I have to tell you that Ellery always thinks that posters have "crushes" (as she puts it) on me. She thinks that J is deeply and madly in love with me and ready to walk down the aisle, she thinks that Sarah, and all of my cyber friends are in love with me. She also thought you (of course) and ck both had crushes on me. She told me her 2 workmates had crushes on me (well, one of them did because she basically propositioned me....another story). So she may not be the most reliable character "witness" for Sarah.
So, how about we all drop this now? Or please don't pull me into it anymore. Then I feel like I have to come back and try to mediate. I think it is silly and overblown out of proportion. What say you?
Well, whatever conversation you had with S., she's being rude and trying to rub it in my face on that poll. Don't worry, I will ignore her childish ways... :o
I am thinking that perhaps Ellery is the one you should talk to about S. Ellery keeps telling her she needs to back off from you, and they have had many conversations about you, so she should have a good idea where S. is coming from. Just an idea. Do what you think is best.
Well, I know I want your hot Asian ass, and everything that is attached to it! LOL
Who knows...maybe she wants my hot Asian ass!! I don't really care as I have no pans to meet up with her. I think people might misunderstand her a bit. She seems very brutal at first, but I think she is just a very extroverted in-your-face type of person. I'll talk to her...
It's okay babe. I'm not freaking out like you may seem to think. I am not the only one picking up on the possibility she is hot for you, I am going also by what Ellery and others are suspecting as well. I am far from being the only one who is seeing this. The only place I am getting this information is from the same site I mentioned to you before, EW idol recaps " Nice Guys Finish First". They were talking on there this morning, and again, you have to check all the replies between L and S to find the newest add on conversation. You will see where others think she is crazy for you as well by how she is acting. So please don't think this is just jealousy coming from me, others see it too, especially Ellery. I will take your advice and ignore her, just like I did today on the poll where she was trying to irritate and bait me. I didn't respond to her.
Why don't you just ignore her? I cannot figure what is going on but it seems rather childish me.You do not know each other so there is no platform for personal attacks. I think Sarah is in her early-mid thirties, and not sure why that should matter. I do not believe her to be smitten with me. She is flirty and likes to tease and rib me, but I think the assumption that she is after me for anything other than friendship is silly. She seems to get close to a lot of guys she 'meets' on line. She is probably looking for my last name so she can acquire my e-mail and communicate with me...nothing sinister going on. She is just pushier than most people. She has mentioned numerous times coming to NYC so that is nothing new and I'm sure it has nothing to do with me.
God...where have you been reading all this stuff about me? I guess I'll have to get in touch with Sarah and see what's going on. Ellery has left me messages at another board or two as well. Sarah, I believe, left me a message or two at other places. I suppose I should reply. I've just been so damn busy. But I can assure you she is not a stalker.
The only one who knows about Bea (Beatrice) coming out is Ellery. When Ellery was out here visting with her friends, I told her that Beatrice had just left from visiting. And I recall mentioning that Bea was going to come to NY (she resides in Belgium) to visit on my birthday (we happen to share the same birthday ...month and day...different years). I am actually glad that J will be around this time as I am not so sure I am looking forward to her visit this year. She is the former girlfriend who broke up with me to go back to her bf in Europe....the one who had all of the issues with me and thought I was so selfish ...I remember mentioning her to you. Anyway, J told me he would leave while she came to visit....giving me the freedom to pursue female relations...but I told him that I prefer that he stay home as I don't want to get involved with her again in that way....only as friends....not up for that intense of a relationship anymore. I just don't have the energy. J will be my buffer.
Honestly? I don't think anyone is trying to "run my life". How can someone run my life via the internet and by not knowing me in 3-D? They will all get bored soon and leave the blogs. I'll talk to Sarah and see what's up. I am sure she just misses conversing and nothing more. I promise she has no designs on me.
Take a deep breath. It is fine and nobody on these entertainment blogs is causing me one ounce of stress.
Whoever Bea is, they are not happy this woman is coming to see you. And Sarah is telling Ellery and friends that I am a jealous troll out to ruin you! Good God! This is so grade school. How old is Sarah anyway? She has been out right rude and mean to a number of people, even telling Jeanne to go to hell, so I don't feel so bad she is aiming at me too. This girl needs to learn some manners, ... and needs to get the burr out of her ass! 'Scuse my French! LOL
Sure seems these people want to run your life for you .... It's a good thing you plan to stay away. This is all so stupid, and I'm sorry you even have to know of this, on top of everything else you're dealing with. It's insanity!
Michael., ... NOW Sarah is bugging Ellery for your last name! She is obsessed! She is wanting to meet up with you in Manhatten. SHE SAID SO! She is trying to plan a trip to Brooklyn to stay with her cousin for 4 days so she can meet you. Ellery and half a dozen other people have voiced that she is obsessed and has the hots for you, and I think so too. Her frantic attempts to track you down and pester Ellery to death goes way beyond just "friend" behavior. I think she is just playing it cool so you won't reject or withdraw from her, therefore giving her a chance to get closer to you. I believe what you told me about your lack of feelings for her, so I am not worried about something developing, but to me and to Ellery ( who has obviously talked to her quite a bit ) she is acting very desperate and abnormal. A couple of people have even called her a stalker of you, and her behavior is making me think that as well. I'm being honest about what I am seeing and feeling. I pray she won't wear Ellery down into giving her your last name, or company name. This girl is truly relentless! I think that is a great big warning flag! Please be careful honey. Again, please let me know when you get this, with a reply. Love you and hope you're doing okay. Sorry I'm complicating your life with this info, but I think you need to be aware of what is going on, for your own sake.
No worries and thnaks for your concern. Ellery was given my VChat address which enables video chatting and e-mail chat. The account has been disabled for some time. I don't even remember the sign-in and password. She had my work web site and personal web page many months ago as I used to post it on some of these various sites (stupid, I know...). My Facebook and Twitter have been abandoned, my work web personal page has been deleted and my work web site name (company name) she would never divulge to anyone....and the e-mail access to that has also changed. She used to directly e-mail me through the web page. She may have jotted the e-mail down, but it matters not.....I don't even check that e-mail anymore. I have one e-mail that I use for work only. My mother, brother and a couple of other people have it. If Ellery were savvy, she could google me, locate my work web address and send me an e-mail via that site....but she has not. That's good. I generally chat through web sites or text/talk on my cell to communicate with people when necessary. I get too obsessed and involved when I have to answer e-mail....besides, as you know, I ran into a lot of troubling issues.
No worries. And I wouldn't worry about Sarah...I am sure she only wants to keep in touch as friends as I have not been around the boards since Idol ended. I am sure she is not thinking or feeling anything more than what she has conveyed....she only wants fun, friendly chatter.
It is late and I need to go to bed. Later....
Michael, ... THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! I just discovered that Sarah is STILL trying to get your personal info from Ellery, and Ellery is about to give in! I kid you not! Sarah is using the lame excuse now that she wants your info for her nephew! I surely hope you can see through that, she wants it for herself! Anyway, Ellery commented that maybe you wouldn't mind her giving it out, she just wants to think about it a little longer! You better talk to Ellery before it's too late! Please let me know you got this message, by replying here. Thanks!
Good Morning M., .... There is someone for everyone, I really believe that. And you are a very rare and unique human being with many qualities that I highly admire. I consider myself very lucky just to know you, and any part I have in your life will be considered a blessing and will never be taken for granted. Your afflictions are but a very small fraction of who you really are, and I can see that. In my eyes, you are a beautiful miracle in this big universe of ours, and a very special one at that. It is very easy for me to love and admire you ....
Do you leave today, or tomorrow, and would that be to Asia or Europe? I believe it was Jeanne on that other site that mentioned you also go to Korea. I was unaware that was also a destination for you. You are certainly a man of the world. I would love to have a conversation with you sometime as to what your thoughts are about this world of ours and the experiences you've had in the different cultures and countries. You can't learn everything from books, you have to experience it as well. I wish I could travel and melt into your mind so I could experience what you have ....
Awful. I have never raised a hand to anyone and cannot imagine doing that....or sustaining it as a victim.
I am not going to check the EW site....I have left there and I cannot afford to feed into my obsession by returning.....it is now all coming at a cost. I am too damn busy....and after Idol it turns into a message board of mindless chatter. I do not know who "Trina" is....prob a troll...maybe our troll from here.Re: " Curious"...I read her/his messages a few days ago and it seems like he/she is trying to peek in on places where I post/posted. Maybe "Curios" is our Rickey's troll. Anyway...the regular bloggers there know about my privacy violation issues and may be going overboard in an effort to protect me. They need to simply ignore these new bloggers. I am sure Sarah's comments and objectives are completely innocent. She does not have a crush on me. Just like you think J is madly in love with me (he is in it for the sex and he shared that fact with me recently so that kills your hypothesis). He knows that I am not a great catch AT ALL and everyone else knows this too, except for you...lol!!!!!
Thank you for that thought, my love. It means a lot. I think several things from my past, scarred me pretty bad. The first being that damn scary basement in our house in the country. My older brother scared the crap out of me every time at night when I started to head down the stairs to use the bathroom or to go to my bedroom which was also in the basement. " Don't let the boogey man get you. Or, Don't let the monster get you." I don't know why my parents didn't notice my absolute terror, and keep some kind of night lights on at all times. I might have still been scared, but it wouldn't have been as bad if I could have seen as I walked. It was so pitch black, I had to walk with my hand in front of me and feel for the light switches as I went. Now, I'm scared of the dark so I keep night lights all over my house.
I was bullied pretty bad as a freshman in high school. A redhead girl moved to town and immediately attached herself to me. I welcomed her and thought we were friends, but a few months down the road, she felt a need to compete with me and turned against me. Several other girls joined her taunting me in the hallways, and my life turned to hell. I was afraid of them trapping me in the bathroom and trying to cut my hair off, which seemed to be the main focus of their hate. My hair was below my waist, and they actually pulled a strand of my hair out at a basketball game when they sat behind me, and pulled out a measure tape to see how long my hair was. LOL They were all desperately trying to grow their hair long. I was saved from their hostility when the most popular and best looking guy in town wanted me. His sister was a well liked cheerleader, so she and her friends came to my rescue. He was my first love. Wayne was a freshman in college, so 4 years older than me. That gave me immediate status and popularity. I'm sure my parents were mortified! LOL We lasted 5 happy years.
I was raised in a very sheltered environment, so that left me vulnerable for some hard knocks and life lessons when I left home. I was wayyy to trusting and passive, eager to please and quite naive. I attracted takers. Still do, but I'm more aware and avoid those kind of people the best I can. I was 22 when I went through a year of mental, emotional, and physical abuse with a boyfriend. He threatened to kill my parents if I left him. I was unaware of the cycle of abuse and saw no way out. I was so miserable and worn down, that I finally decided I would rather be dead than to live one more day under his tyranny, so I faced him and told him he would have to kill me, because I'd rather be dead than to live this way anymore. I turned and started running for my life. He ran after me and kicked me hard in my upper back leg, but I was able to make it inside my apartment and lock the door. He knew he had lost his control over me. My son's dad cheated and betrayed me, which ended our marriage. He wanted me back 3 months down the road when he broke up with his mistress, but the damage was done, and there was no turning back. We did maintain a close friendship, and never fought over Jameson, so I'm glad for that. You would hit it off with Jamie, he is incredibly intelligent and has many interests, and like me, is an avid reader. And he is incredibly handsome!
Have you checked back at that E.W. site where E. and S. were talking? Sarah and her cohorts became very wicked to a girl named Trina who was looking for you, and also to Curious. You will need to go back through the replies to find this.
Please forgive me for keeping you here. Trying to chase you away just isn't in me. I enjoy and love you too much.
That should be "@QS...
It is okay if you are vulnerable and it is okay to be fragile. Our past experiences haunt us in strange and intriguing ways...sometimes counter to how we actually view ourselves. No shame. It makes me feel like I want to take care of you...and in a perfect world perhaps I could. But alas.....
You are so funny, and so damn cute! I'm glad you sneaked in ... Never, would I think you a jerk. I understand and know you too well. I know what your true nature and being is made of, and that is why I fell in love with you. I know how you think! And I like it! Your "House" side, only makes me smile..... And you are not "damaged goods" to me. There is help out there for your disorders in the form of instructors who can help you retrain your thought patterns, and meds if needed. Whether you change or not, I accept and love you as you are. SORRY! That's just the way it is and will always be ..... I know my heart, how I am, and how I feel about you and there is no changing that, .... so deal with it! LOL
I am a very sensitive and observant person. Try as I may to put up a barrier to protect myself from cruel and hateful people, I don't always succeed. That kind of behavior is so foreign to my nature, that I will never understand it, so yeah, I can be vulnerable to it. If I get hurt,... I get hurt, then time heals me and I'm good to go again, so I can try to leave beauty and kindness in place of the ugliness. I think that makes me a STRONG woman! :)
Thanks :)
The troll is from the old poll here, that I know. I make enemies easily....but I don't like when they take it out on you. Definitely not Sarah or any of the other bloggers I know. Ellery would not be so cruel as to do this to you/me...nobody else I "know" from other sites has been here Sarah means absolutely nothing to me. Not my type and I would never be attracted to here in that way....never.
J blocked Rickey's site and some others from my internet (not out of jealousy...but because he saw my obsession which was manifesting itself in exceedingly ugly ways)....but he forgot that I am smarter than he is and a better Computer Scientist. I've been sneaking in.
I am not angry at you about the" lapse" regarding the posts. It is my fault. I made you desperate and I was so unfair to you. You are much more delicate than I had thought. You probably still think I am being a jerk to not make contact with you....but you have to trust me when I tell you I am doing you a huge favor. My life is really in shambles now.
De me a favor and give the dude a chance...you never know. He may surprise you.
I am not going to check in again. And I do know how to reach you.
Darn, I thought I was within the 4000 characters. I was trying to say, Bye for now, my love. I'll be around if you want to talk, but you probably won't see me posting much, if any, on Rickey's as I've grown pretty weary of that. But I'll check in here from time to time just in case you have a change of heart. Stay with this poll if you wish to correspond further. Okay? All My Love, QS ...
Hi M., ... First of all, I assure you that Neil was exactly who he said he was. He left many clues, such as he looks somewhat like Bob Seger ( and he does ), he owns a small computer company, he's Irish ( his last name begins with Mc ), he lives in NYC, etc. I can tell you his company is located on W. 30th St. I know the exact address. He is for real, I can prove it.
It didn't occur to me that Curious could be the troll, but now that you mention it, I imagine it is possible. From the crazy maniacal way they behave, I keep picturing some teenage or early 20's kid in my mind, but there also seems to be some jealousy involved here, which would suggest female to me. I never told TLC my exact age, but I told her there was 18 yrs between you and I ( not 19 like the troll insists upon, so I didn't lie like they are insisting I am ). TLC is not very smart, but I know she was jealous. Also, I swear on my own life, I look and act VERY young. I'm in good health as far as I know and feel, and people have told me that I have the face of a child or a doll. I have very refined features, and Max Factor used me once as their model for a cosmetic promotion. I went to a modeling/ finishing school after high school and they got me the job. I like walking and hiking in the mountains so that is mainly how I try to stay in shape. My skin is still youthful, and the only lines on my face are at the corners of my eyes when I laugh or smile. I like them, they give my face character. I just noticed your latest post as I refreshed my page. Do you think this troll is one of your harem of girls that is following you around? LOL Don't worry about this person upsetting me. I find it amusing and flattering, and it just shows me they are quite insecure and have other issues they should try to get help for.
I will never forgive myself for the lapse in judgment I had when I let my emotions take over, and violate you and the trust you had in me, all in the name of proving to those girls that I meant something to you. It wasn't worth what it has cost me, and most of all, it wasn't worth what it did to you. Back when it happened, and we were discussing it, I didn't see the full magnitude of my action until I had time to process and see it from your eyes. I am so incredibly sorry. I was very wrong to do that to you. I hope someday you can forgive me. Please listen to that song by VAST ' One More Day '. It captures completely how I feel about this. ' Flames ' is another good song by VAST.
If you want to say goodbye for now, I understand why you need to do this. I understand that for your own sanity, and to cope with J. and your given situation, you feel you need to do this, and I will always want what is best for you, even if your absence feels painful to me. And it does. I enjoy and look forward to your dialog and conversing with you so much. I hope I meant more to you than all the other Sarahs in the world, because you will always mean the world to me and I feel a bond with you that is unique and rare. I hope you feel it too. Please don't say goodbye forever, I can't handle that thought. It crushes me. I can be an incredible friend to you at the very least. Please leave the door open for possibilities down the line. Circumstances change, feelings change with time, you never know. And I am only a phone call away if you need me or want me. You can acquire my number easily if you want it, and I welcome you to it.
My friend Vanessa gave my number to her cousin, who is now going through a divorce. He and I started talking on the phone yesterday, and I know he will treat me good, not to mention he is already smitten with me, from what Vanessa is telling me. He appears so far to only be of average intelligence, and I don't think that will satisfy me. His name is also Michael, and he travels for his job as well. How ironic! I will try a date with him when he makes it to Alb., but I doubt he is right for me. Bye for now, my
Hi my favorite little trolly! Hey, I know who you are! But I'm nice so I won't trace your ip address. I feel a bit sorry for you.....no reason to be jealous and envious...I am not a good catch. I know when people are pathetic and miserable that they need no more friction in their lives, so I won't expose you. Enjoy reading the comments I made to QS. If you like, I can add some provocative , salacious sexual verbiage....I know how much you love reading that!
I'll be gone for a long while so try not to miss me!
Yes, that "Mikhail" dude on that Adam Lambert gay poll is brilliant! Lol....sounds exactly like me...though I do not recall penning that. I have used the monikers "Mikhail", "Mike", "Michel" "Miguel" in addition to my real name.... "Michael" and my initials, first name w/ last initial, etc. on many boards. The info in that post is all familiar to me, including the gay/bi/trans club noted--but back when that poll was created, I was posting incessantly on about 40-50 different sites so cannot recall that particular post. Obsess much, Michael? I still find it odd that anyone thought that Adam could be anything other than gay. Seriously? Is there any doubt? And then some desperate women actually thought he was bi. Lol! He is so effeminate....bi men are not...unless they are in denial about being gay and easing their way into the lifestyle. The only part of that post that confuses me is the admission of the brief sojourn....hmmmm.. at that point I had had several "brief sojourns" with dudes. I have never been shy about confessing that...but I surmise that, perhaps, homophobes like Grimoire etal., may have hampered my candidness. I was probably referring to my x bf with whom I lived for several months. I guess I just can't recall. But at that juncture I had 2 fewer gay relationships under my belt (no pun intended).
So you are not "Curious" over at EW? Surprising. Then I am certain it is someone from Rickey's site who strolled over there----perhaps looking to see where else I post. It is probably the troll then. I was hoping it was you so I would not be so worried about some crazy following me around again! regarding Ellery too...well, that is a long story that I never mentioned as she asked me not to. I don;t thinks he cares now....but it is a piece of my modern history I'd rather forget.
I do not want to speculate as to who the troll is. I am fairly certain I know--but want to avoid agitating "it". Since this troll might be clever--she will find this poll as well. The troll obviously looked up your personal info...just so you are aware. As far as looking up Neil's info---I don't think it is a big deal. Look...people put themselves out there all of the time, dropping clues thinking they are anonymous....others are curious to know what they look like, etc. whether they are who they say they are. I just don't see where "neil" dropped any clues. In fact, I was certain he was not a real person, but a fabrication. So many clues to support this hypothesis.
Around the time when you and TLC got your twitter accounts and TLC was bugging me to go on to hers.....I could not access it...it was blocked for some odd reason...but she kept insisting. I gave up, but shortly thereafter began receiving odd, sexually charged messages. I never bothered to research it, but closed the twitter completely. I did not have time to maintain it anyway and too many people had access. I don't know that she is the troll as she does not seem to bright to me...but she could be an evil genius...posing as uneducated. Takes all kinds.
Please ignore people who come on this blog, this site, and 'say" shit to you. I cannot keep coming back here. My life is the same as before, same situation. J is still living with us, still 'with' me. I am still unhappy with what you posted about the personal admissions, etc. and leaving the trail map to my comments for all to read. You are more fragile than I thought and I feel I drove you to this. I think it all reinvigorated the troll. Since nothing is changing in my life, I can only hope you understand that I cannot come back. I cannot handle relationships anymore. I do not want to make the effort. Any relationship I add to my life will be sexual only...and I KNOW you cannot and will not be able to handle that, it is not IN you. When Idol ends, it is the easiest time for me to leave completely. I wish you would let me do this. And as I wrote...there is going to be happiness for you. That I promise.
I know who Neil is as well if you ever want to know. I know his last name, the name and address of his company, and there is even a picture of him on his company blog. I didn't do it for any malicious reason and I have not shared this info., it was just that curious thing in me that wanted to see if I was smart enough to follow the clues and figure it out, and I did it! YAY! Don't worry, I didn't do that with you, that is a different ball game that wouldn't have felt right to me. And I know, even with Neil, I probably shouldn't have done it, but I didn't think I would get all the way with it. Then I had a hunch come into my mind, and the next thing I knew, I had my answers right in front of me on the screen! I would be an awesome treasure hunter!
Yes, indeed, my darling! I did pick up right away, but figured I better leave something behind on that poll. It would be good to abandon that one since it is so visible and first listed under 'comments'. Who do you think is the troll? I'm thinking you're going to say ck? She never emailed me or has made any further attempt to stay in contact. I think it could be TLC from Wisconsin. We started out as friends on twitter, talking privately, but I fell away from her and blocked her when she started bad mouthing you. She had a big problem with your sexual orientation, and I also think she was jealous that you made me feel so happy. She is in a not so happy marriage. I also think she tried to get your attention on her at one point, but it failed. She had a problem with our age difference as well, so this troll could possibly be her.
I am hoping that you were savvy enough to understand the last line in my missive. Let me know if you made it here(by replying here) and I'll post more in this poll re: that EW thread. Will check later.
Danny i can't possibly imagine him still being here, he's horrific no talent in my opinion but it seems like alote of weirdos like him but hey to each their own!
And Anabelle.... But you are such a liar saying that you are a Gokey fan when you never were. Don't think I want to talk to you anymore since you like to lie so much.
All of you's are wrong about Danny going home tonight. He is so much better then Allison and the right person went home. Goooooooooooo Gokeyyyyyyyyy!
I think that Danny gokey rocks, sure rock wasn't his best performence he is still awsome I knew from the begging that he would make it far. I think that Chris Allen will leave tonight from the top 4 because even though he is very talented he doesn't really stand out as much as Danny, Allison and Adam
Well the poll is more normal now. And i have to0 say, danny g sucked last night. I think hes going home, and he really deserves it after that performance : (
Danny Gokey has no star presence...he reminds me of my sixth grade science teacher...yuck...what a dork...vote for Allison! she rocks! girl power!
ALRITE LSTEN UP, ALLISON IS AN AMAZING SINGER AND GUESS WHAT SHE JUST TURNED 16. ALSO ADAM DOES THE SAME STUFF EVERY WEEK, ITS GETTING A LITTLE BOARING. KRIS ALLEN, WELL HE PUTS ME TO SLEEP WHEN HE SINGS, AND LISTENING TO DANNY MAKES ME WANT TO BARF. ALLSION IS TRULY AN AMERICAN IDOL AND EVEN IF SHE DOES GET VOTED OFF, SHE WILL STILL MAKE A RECORD DEAL.
'DM' a BIG thumbs up for you. Adam screams ALL THE TIME, sounds like sh*t and gets away with it. Danny screams ONCE.. and all the ADAMETTES are looking for Danny's blood. Unbelievable. I guess if Danny started wearing eyeliner and mascara, sucked face with a few random men while dressed like a hooker and ruined the arrangements of multiple classic hits, he too could be 'loved' by a bunch of tone-deaf groupies.
OMG!!! I CANT BELIEVE ADAM WAS THAT CLOSE TO GOING HOME! IDT HE WAZ REALLY IN THE BOTTOM 2. IT WAS PROBABLY JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE WORRIED! I WAS SHAKING THE WHOLE SHOW JUST PRAYING HE WOULDN'T GO HOME! HE WAS GREAT LAST NIGHT! I LOVED SLOW RIDE WITH ALLISON, BUT I REALLY HOPE SHE GOES HOME! IDL HER AND HER VOICE DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE TO ADAMS!!! IF ADAM DOESN'T WIN THEN THE WHOLE SHOW IS FIXED! ADAM IS ABSOULTLY DROP DEAD SEXI AND HIS VOICE IS SOOOOO AMAZING!! GO ADAM!!
oh my god thats what i'm talking about people this the right poll not last week
i mean adam showd what anamazing star he is as he always dose duh
but most importantly he made geakey looks leke a jackass yeah baby thank god for that keep voting please make adam our idol
ummm dm. just because you say adam screams (which is totally wrong ive never heard him scream) listen to danny. i want danny to be runner up. but that last note he sung on the show just got him voted off the show. everyone sucks compared to adam. hes incredible with song choice and his range and his voice. adam has had the show won since the week 2 of hollywood after he auditions. when they did groups. when he did that high note. and then group 2 of the top 36 he did "satisfaction" which was insane. and since the top 13 every song hes done was insane. by the way people say that every song hes done is awesome except for the ring of fire. which i thought was genius because he wasn't gonna do a song that he would of sucked on. by the way in ring of fire his vocals were awesome. "satisfaction", "born to be wild", and "whole lotta love" were my favorite songs. he does good on slow songs but way more incredible on rock songs cause that is when he goes wild. Adam's gonna win. dm adam just screams because he knows that he already won.
What Adam and Allison did was unforgettable. they were perfect compliments for each other. As far as danny and kris go, they had a decent duet, and in my opinion kris solo was better then danny's.god i cant stop replaying that horrid scream. Go adam! :)
hi dm:
that doesn't called "screaming" it is an "art", adam is my favorate but danny got a good voice too, you have to respect everyone's talent
danny haters suck!!..dude..
the rock thing for me made by adam isnt that good....
he just scream all the way throughout the song..
I was about to cry when I saw adam in the bottom 3! vote for him on the link www.tv.com/americanidol/.. please next week I have lot of exams and if adam do home I won't be able to study,to eat, to sleep. I think All Adam's fans feel the same way..GOOOO ADAAAM WEE LOOVE YOUUU
Go Adam!
go girls
Geez.. Danny blew ONE note... ONE.. and that was the infamous Steven Tyler scream at the end of 'Dream On'... even Slash wasn't sure he would be able to hit it... and no... I didn't like it. But it's the FIRST time (and a very short one at that) that Danny didn't hit a truly important note quite well. That's a LOT of drama, Tabby... wow.... and "FAIL"... you would be dead wrong on your weird assessment of my thoughts on homosexuals. His sexual preference has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about Adam. None at all. He's just a GUY that sings like a GIRL.. and I like GUYS to sing like MEN. What he does with other men doesn't matter to me in the least. At some point you are all going to have to face the ugly truth... ADAM is being 'MARKETED', because of the way he 'LOOKS".. not the way he 'SINGS'.... trust me.. he probably won't get far after this... neither did Ruben Studdard... (who was found just the other day in a two-bit theatre, choking on the lyrics to a song in a really crappy rendition of a musical called 'Ain't Misbehavin') He's a JOKE!!
PLS VOTE FOR ADAM!!!!!
OMG> Adam is perfection! What an incredible performance (as always). He literally makes me go into a frenzy. Unbelievable. Absolutely, undeniably NO ONE comes even close to his ball park. WHAT AN IDOL! Phenom