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Martinez was here. Good day people! How about that Tebow overtime win against the Steelers! Go Broncos!! YEAH !!! Tebow is on fire!
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((((((((999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999
Now, not only Sarah is over there sticking her nose in our business, but your little buddy Ellery is instigating trouble and deliberately telling lies as well and trying to provoke me. How about telling her to stop lying, sticking her nose where it doesn't belong, and trying to inflame you. She's in a panic because you were talking to me. She started a shit storm leaving posts all over Rickey's and I just put the fire out and won't post anymore. Tell her to lay off please! Really Michael, how can you stand that little insecure scatter brain? Yeah, I know. She licks your ass and dotes on you hoping even to this day that you will fuck her and live happily ever after with her instead of Liz. She lives in la la land. You can bawl me out now for insulting your flawless little buddy. I don't care. She is irritating, aggressive, immature, JEALOUS, insecure, BRAINLESS and spews out hateful vile venom. Is this really what you want in a friend? She is a liar and an instigator Michael. Think about it .....
Sarah is thinking of impersonating me to get you pissed at me and banned from Rickey's :
Sarah Fri 11/18/11 04:04 PM
Quiet B*** is not a victim 4 any one, shes a real B**CH! Y does he even talk to her. she is so mean 2 him and puts him down & says stuff 2 him like he is cruel &shallow on Rickys. and since Ricky has a crush on M she should b careful cuz shell be blocked from posting if he complains.he got lots of people blocked all ready.mabbey ill post as old lady b**ch Storm & get M mad & he can ban her. Y does he waste time w/ real losers like Quiet B**ch? She is a c**t and a dum lier & mentaly ill.
I have no intention of starting up a shit storm with two face Sarah involved, so if you want to talk to me, do it here. What got blocked out over there that she called Liz was "whore". I don't want to fight with you damnit, so please! Stop fighting with me! That is NOT what I hold for you in my heart and it hurts to be at odds with you. I don't want that.
Your little buddy Ellery, that you think is so sweet and innocent and honest is starting shit Michael. She isn't jealous of you and me, huh! Then why is she doing this? She is pretending her message is meant for TLC but it is definitely meant for my eyes and I know you are smart enough to see what she is up to and her true motive. She is a liar, a full face liar! She says she stayed with you on this last trip! And she is saying I made up a conversation with myself in regards to the one you and I had with each other. I am giving you a chance to go over to the old twitter poll and set her straight. If you give her a tiny pat on the hand for this, I will STILL get involved and set her straight myself and I guarantee you won't like what I have to say to her. She is defaming my character so I want this set right on that poll. Tell her to quit lying about staying with you! A blatant deliberate lie meant to hurt me! I don't want this to get ugly but the spitfire tiger in me will appear if you don't handle this right and she will feel my fury. Nip it in the bud babe before it turns ugly. If I had lied deliberately and instigated this and said the things she did, .. you would be down my throat for starting shit. What is her problem? Kissing her only feeds her fantasy about you two. You've created a monster ....
#
Ellery - 2 days ago
TLC,
That is just Quiet pretending she talks to M and he has nothing to do with her. Did you read her crazy imaginings about M and thoughts of a love between them? It is very crazy and full of delusions. I visited him in New York again and stayed with him and he never mentions her. She must blog as both Quiet and M and pretend to be having a fantasy affair with him. He has not been on this site in many months he has told me since we talk at other places. What is the news with you? Do you talk to CK still? If you want to do some Idol and X Factor chatting, I can give you many links where my friends chat about reality shows.
~~~~~~~~~~~*****************~~~~~~~~~~
On a lighter note, I hope you are thrilled with your new little boy. I bet he looks like you and has lots of hair. Is Liz okay? Was she able to have a natural birth? Anyway, I still love the hell out of you and hope you are doing well. I miss you and that sucks! :(
And it is something quite peculiar ...
Something shimmering and white,
That leads you here despite your destination
Under the Milky Way tonight.
Goodbye Little Prince.
Nice tantrum! So you're allowed to have a very explosive temper and do bitchy whenever you feel like taking your mood out on somewhere else, but no one else better do it to you, right? Real nice, Michael. You vastly misjudge me and think you know me, but you don't. You see what you want to see and it is greatly distorted because you look with a very cynical and negative eye. I am a strong woman and I survive on my own. I like it that way. I love myself because I know what I am made of and where I come from. I am solid. Self absorbed, SELFISH, VERBALLY ABUSIVE men like you cannot rob me of my self esteem. You targeted me as your verbal punching bag and I've taken it only because I had love and compassion for you despite your shortcomings. So many times you had to cut me down and belittle me so you could feel holier than thou, smarter than thou, etc. What you actually accomplished was the opposite dear heart. You've only shown how immature, out of control, and self absorbed you are. Where do you get this idea I'm alone? Larry and I split officially after 13 yrs together on Dec 20th of last year. I have known Tony for a solid year now, plus I have a couple of other guys interested in me that you don't know about. I am still fit and attractive Michael and full of positive happiness. I don't go around like you taking my anger ( which is very rare ) and mood out on people. You are so much like a little two yr. old throwing tantrums and "bitchy" around and what you accuse me of, .. you are yourself. Mikey needs fucked and babied because his lover is away and he feels sad and lonely, so if I don't come take care of his needs, I am selfish! LOL Are you so blind you cannot see that it has never been about me in reality, it is about YOUR NEEDS 24/7! You sir, are the selfish one. VERY SELFISH!
As for Tony, he is getting over the virus and is out of the hospital. He only spent one night for mostly observation and for tests. I offered to come and he prefers I wait till January when he will have three weeks off. Stop pretending you know more about our relationship than we do. Your constant endeavors to lay guilt on me and trying to make me feel bad speaks volumes about the kind of dark soul you are. Mr. Sunshine you are not! You're more like a negative dark vortex that sucks the energy and life out of people with your constant self absorption and neediness for attention. When was the last time you apologized for your childish behavior ? I apologize and admit my fuck ups all the time and you know that, contrary to what you just accused me of. I'm mature enough to admit blame, .. how about you? When was the last time you admitted you over reacted?, .. which you do constantly! Fixating and building mountains out of absolutely nothing! Things that don't mean shit to the average normal person. I've always looked at you with love and compassion Michael and took the dirty hits off of you so you could 'vent' and get the venom out of you at my expense because I wanted you to just get it out of you so you could feel better. Your insults bounce off of me because I know what is true and untrue about me. I think again it is a case of sour grapes with you, so you must cast me in a negative light so you can walk away feeling like you missed nothing. Whatever works for you is fine with me because I know what the truth really is and I'm happy with that. Go ahead and turn your back on another person who will always love you unconditionally despite your distorted self satisfying views of me. I'll always love you despite this because I also know the good side of you.
I'm glad your baby made it and is healthy. He will have much to teach you. I hope Liz recovers quickly from the birth. I'm happy for your new life. What a journey we shared together and you have changed so much from the beginning in so many ways. I wish you well. And guess what? I have no regrets ... All my love, Barbara
look....I've had enough of your self absorbed reasoning. Contrary to what you want to believe...we DO NOT get along, we have nothing in common intellectually or any other way, this is all clear to me now. You are always the victim...ALWAYS! Any time I try to tell you my view you crumble like some little victim. Cut that shit. I am not a babysitter or a nanny for you! Try to be strong like Liz is. Jesus! We speak a different language...and it is not male vs. female. It is YOU AND ME BEING DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED. Accept it! You don't get me...I don't at all want to deal with you anymore. Nothing you say to me ever has any validity. I hate people who are constantly thinking of themselves....it's a shitty way to live. LOL! I should be happy you made all of your selfish excuses never to take me up on my many offers....it would have been hell with you. I see that now...so I thank you. I will never get through to you...you think illogically...NOT logically. Every stupid decision you make you cannot admit failure or that perhaps you fucked up. But you have to admonish or judge other's for theirs. Just leave the me hell alone. please. Go be a friend to Tony who really needs someone and stop making excuses for not being there for him before he up and dies.For christ sakes...the guy calls you and gives you attention that you crave...but when he is needy you can't do more than a fucking phone call? that is terrible. you have NO excuse not to see him. you are not a kid...use the $$ from your yard sale--buy a bus ticket if you have to---find a cheap hotel. Not going out of you way for anyone else seems to be your strategy for survival...and THAT is something you should regret. Excuses, excuses. Life is hard...you are not immune. Tough shit if you have been hurt...so have millions of people in the world. Including me, including Liz..... Jesus! Liz may look like a victor to you or that she has had a charmed life...well, far from it. She has suffered deeply and nearly killed herself years ago. OKAY! So stop the fucking rambling, pitiful crap all of the time--24/7--about getting hurt. NO SYMPATHY FROM ME! . Liz is damn lucky to be alive....through no fault of her own. She never had a so-called "edge"...I didn't have contact with her for 9+ years! Where was her "edge"? that just pisses me off...your rationalization for everything you fail to do. Liz is currently in the ICU having given birth to our son who is small, but otherwise very healthy. that is ALL the information you will egt from me.
Have a good life. Alone.
You are such a self-piteous whiner. Really now. I have never met anyone who so dubiously presents the pretense of being all-giving and considerate and loving, and then acts in complete discordance with that claim. Those concerned mainly with their OWN welfare and happiness and pre-occupied with their own fears and what works best for 'them'..... are the ones who will ultimately be unhappy anyway...so all I can say to you is .....ain't karma a bitch?
It always comes down to YOU...any time you attempt to explain something or elaborate it is all about: You, you, you, your preoccupation with yourself and your own happiness only, even at the expense of everyone else. Yuck! ...it's so obnoxious and tiresome to read. Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn.....
Yes...I will take your advice and turn the page. you will never change. See ya!
Then why do you do bitchy? LOL Fair is fair Michael, and I am baffled why you got so upset with me. I was docile and meant no harm to you. You make me feel like I can't even express an opinion unless it is 100% in agreement with yours, lest you get upset with me. Most of the time I am in agreement with you or at least can see why you feel the way you do. I have great compassion and love for you Michael, and all I would like back from you is kindness, patience, and understanding. If we always agreed, I would quite frankly become bored with you. I love looking at the world through your eyes. I respect and value your opinion and I am always trying to learn from you. When you blow up at me, .. I am bewildered and quite sad I upset you as that is never my intention. The very last thing I want to do is to be at odds with you. It's like a ship crashing on the rocks and it tears me apart. You mean way too much to me to waste time being at odds. So, I surrender .... What can I do to make things right again? *-*
You seem to conveniently forget that I don't do bitchy. OR self-centered.
Go ahead and hate me if that makes you feel good about yourself Michael, especially since it was over nothing. My post couldn't have been more benign, lacking any ill will or hateful words about anyone. Why do you have such a volatile temper the minute I express my opinion and it doesn't necessarily align with your thinking? Why does that threaten you? Yeah, you say I am selfish for trying to not interfere with your ongoing relationships and for not comforting you when said lover/partner is away from you. Well, I could also say you are thinking selfishly Michael and not taking into consideration my past emotional pain and vulnerability at getting hurt again. When I love, I love deeply and sincerely. You have a way of letting go of someone and moving on, such as with Ana and Jeffery. Well sorry, it isn't that easy with me. I still love the good side of bloody bastard Larry and the good times we had, despite the abuse I also suffered at his hand when he became a drunken idiot. I have no desire for him back, but selling off his stuff is painful but necessary. Turn the page ....
So go ahead and hate me, it's alright. Whatever brings you peace, honey. My heart only knows how to love you and no matter how cruel and hateful you want to be to me, .. I can only give you back one thing. I love you, ... and that's forever. ~~~
I was not "demeaning" or "downing" any of those women. I know about the heart of a woman Michael because I have one! I am the same as them as to what I wish for in life and in love. I was NOT trying to hurt you, so why are you being so cruel and trying to hurt me? Why are you calling me a liar again? God, you can be so mean, rude, and cruel when I meant no harm to anyone. Especially you ..... :(
I HATE when you try to sermonize and moralize your supposed beliefs....do you have any idea what a hypocrite you are?....and why doesn't this bother you? I am stunned. STUNNED! You change your story, reasoning and your so-called morals (huh!) as often as people change their underwear.
You say one thing and then turn around and act in discordance with that supposed 'belief'! You are such a lying **** I can't even express my disdain for you now. Fraud for sure. I rid myself of your nasty disgusting existance as of now.
"sand" s/b "sans"
You cannot live without a pancreas. Pancreatic involvement is never good. This does not sound good. I am sorry. I really am. If you were a decent and selfless person you would make EVERY EFFORT (sand excuses) to see him ASAP despite what he tells you he may/may not want.
But alas......
Regarding your first message: Grow up. you can just never be fucking wrong, can you? Stubborn as a bull. You fucked up and you will NEVER know how it would have been...ha ha. I hope you take the regret to your grave. You deserve that. Stop acting like you know what you KNWO what is going through Ana's Megan's or Liz's collective heads. you do not. I vehemently disagree with you. It is so sexist and plain stupid to think that some women are attracted to men and want to experience them...even f they many have other feelings them..matters not. I made NO promises to Liz and she left her husband anyway. SHE took a risk. PERIOD. Stop demeaning everyone else because you were a selfish **** about your own needs. ANd if you keep saying this...I'm gone for good...God forbid I "hurt" you more. It's getting old and boring to hear. Ana....I assure you when we first me she was not in love and she wanted to have a relationship of comfort, sex and companionship. Some people like that! She was attracted to em and wanted to have a sexual relationship---big deal--that happens a lot int he real world. Yes we both fell in love...and still Ana has no regrets. Not everyone lies like you, LOL! I believe her. Megan is another story....it took me a while to allow myself to get physical with her and I made it abundantly clear that I would not commit...many times before we began. She never said that she did not have feelings for me. I knew she did that is why I always denied her advances. She knew she would fall and she knew that it would end...maybe she was hoping for more...so what. She still took a risk. You are plain coward who thinks of herself. Every time I begin to like you again and see the good in you...you have to act like you were right all along. Enough shit please.
I just got a call from Tony's nephew, Frankie. He informed me that Tony had to enter the hospital last night and that there appears to be something wrong with his pancreas. He called from Tony's hospital room and said that Tony is unable to talk because he lost his voice. They are getting ready to run a bunch of tests on him. He told me that Tony will call me as soon as he is able to. He didn't call me at all yesterday, and that only usually happens when he feels really bad and prefers not to talk to anyone. How serious is a pancreas situation? Any idea? What if he has to have it removed?
Ewwwww you're a toughie! LOL I think most psychologists and mothers would tell their daughters not to involve themselves with someone who is already involved with someone else. That is common sense and logical dear heart. It has nothing to do with eras and everything to do with not throwing yourself into a messy situation and becoming part of a love triangle. I could also argue that it is only ethical as well to wait until prior relationship is over and you are truly free to pursue another. And Ana and Liz were not completely selfless when they came to you. They had it in their mind to hope for something back for themselves as well, don't fool yourself! And that something was the same thing Megan also took a risk on. They all hoped to end up with you! Well, two of them lost that hope and I bet they hide from you broken hearts. Not a fun place to be. Liz is the victor and it has paid off for her. She held the edge all along because of your past history with her. I've been hurt enough Michael so I do tend to error on the side of caution. Even in the future, I will shy away from any guy who is still dating or involved with another at the moment. That just seems logical to me.
Well...your therapist would tell you that 'Kevin' the ghost is an excuse, your crutch. Many years have passed and you are using him as your excuse as to why no one else can measure up. This is Psychology 101. You were not together for that long and you know...that makes a difference. I have little sympathies for you as far as this depressed, suicidal bf is concerned. Too long ago...get over it or get some help dealing with the real issue that plagues you. It's not Kevin...he is only symbolic. Lame excuse. Sorry.
Well...you can have your excuses if they make you feel better, darling...but they are still rather silly. You should be able to admit now, in retrospect, that to wait until someone is completely alone to meet them in person makes no sense! Right? LOL! That mindset was from another era, ma dear. Liz had no problem that I was with J...nor did Megan...or Ana. And to be honest...I feel had I remained in London...Ana and I could have had something serious. Perhaps I would have not pursued Liz....I only became more depressed about losing Liz when I was alone...with nobody. That is when we think of the time we were happiest. Right? You gave me platitudes and words...but when push came to shove, you were not there for me. Not once. Excuses aside...that's the truth. You should have struck when the iron was hot....but you let it get cold. Face it and learn from it. Your reasons were self-defeating in the end. Life is short and not to have experienced someone you felt you loved seems self-destructive. I think you should just admit to yourself you made a mistake and move on. Stubbornly adhering to those silly, baseless excuses does you no favors. Learn from it and if the opportunity presents itself with another dude one day--don't make the same mistake twice!! LOL! Look--Liz loved me and took a chance on me as did Ana...I love them for this and it makes me want to be with them...because they were unselfish and came to me even though it was not guaranteed...unknown. Love is more than a felling....it is also your actions in the face of fear (no matter your past hurts...we ALL have them). THAT is love. Right?
Yes, I understand fully and love you even more because of where you are coming from in your heart. That is to be admired and you must trust your own thoughts about all of this. It could be that Drew is hoping for more than just sex like J was, and that wouldn't be good either. So go with your gut feeling about this. If you know you can walk away with no regrets then that is also confirmation you've made the right decision. Honey, I was always seeking the right timing for you and me. I kept hoping you would be completely free of any involvement with anyone else. You will tell me that you were in the very beginning, but I was saddled with an odd situation where my bf was still living with me even though we slept apart and were quite distant from each other. Telling him I was going to NY to visit you would not have been received well and I feared his reaction. He could be an intimidating and very scary guy when he wanted to be. He saw me as his possession along with my home which he considered half his even though I had it long before he came along and even though we were never married. New Mexico is not a common law state that recognizes a couple living together for more than seven years as a married couple. He thought it was. Thank God for me it is not or I fear he may have launched a battle to get half of what I own. I have my huge regrets Michael. Truly I do, and now I will always wonder about what might have been. Well, it seems it has worked out though that you got what you secretly wanted all along and that was Liz back, and not only that, this baby heals a very bad old wound that both of you suffered from. I have to believe this is working out the way it was meant to all along. I just wish I could find this same kind of deep love you two hold for each other, for myself. I felt I had this with Kevin but it sucks going through life pining away for a dead man that I can't drop a letter in the mail box to declaring my undying love for him. :(
Okay...I understand. But you need to know that Drew and I basically talk about sex, fucking, oral sex urges, bisexuality....that is what we end up talking about. This is pretty normal for bi dudes. So if we were to get together...it would be sexual. Unlike if you and I ever got together back when you kept rejecting me...it would have been emotional and sexual. Having said that., I love Elizabeth very much and right now, I have an intense desire to be true to her. the fact that she is not pressuring me makes me want to be 'faithful' to her. I have to think of this little baby boy too and what is best for him. I want to treat his mother right and make her happy. You see?
Her husband is exceedingly wealthy ...leave it at that. I will tell you that his profits and wealth are invested in several different countries...mainly his homeland country of origin and the US so nobody...including Liz's attorneys...know his actual accumulated wealth. J has a general idea though and he tells me he is 'filthy rich." And THAT is coming from J. I can only speculated as to his 'billionaire' status. Millionaires are a dime a dozen ...billionaires...not so much.He is not a household name like many of the foreign very rich....we tend to know the American rich and the celebrity rich or those rich men married to celeb women. He is one of the richest men in his homeland though...this I am sure of. So with Liz...she can drag him through courts in different countries for years and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to investigate his overseas monies and get a much better settlement...but she chooses not to put herself...or him...through that. As she says ...he trusted her enough not to even request a pre-nup (given it was his 3rd marriage his attorneys were pressuring him to do so), so she feels she will not screw him. She knows she could get a lot more...but says he is being "very generous" and that is good enough for her. As Is aid to her "I am not (hubby's name) but I can make sure you are very comfortable, so no need to worry about money." Well...seems with her settlement that he is offering to pay...if her attorneys approve...she will be richer than me, LOL! And that even includes my inheritance from my father's estate and my trust fund not to mention my own savings and current income. Guess I am the gold digger! If J croaks...then I will be wealthier than her!!! If J and my mom die the same year...then I will be much wealthier than her...LOL...God, I shouldn't even joke about that!
Hey, I know you are particular and I wasn't looking at this as your sleeping with just anyone. I thought perhaps you have talked with him enough on the phone to feel you know what he is all about and I got the impression he is quality people and someone worth knowing. Perhaps I have the wrong impression. As someone that loves you, I would have wanted you to explore your heart's desire since I can't fulfill your desire for guys and that side of you. Is that so bad? I also understand how you feel and that's all fine and well. You looked at Ana and Megan as a temporary thing so I don't see this much differently. You will be moving away from him soon, so I just thought that if you wanted to live out a fantasy short term with him then why not if Liz doesn't have a problem with it. If she does, then of course you shouldn't do it. I have the impression she wants you happy as well and she is secure in your feelings for her so no harm would be done. Okay, bad bad bad idea. Maybe I was just wanting to hear the juicy hot details afterwords. :)
Drew's eyes are not as dramatic as Brian's. No. But very nice still. He is all over the internet....very searchable. Good luck Sherlock. If you find him...do not post any specifics here please. He travels quite a bit but is based n NY. He has a very active twitter...told him I'd open one again when I move to check in now and then.
I told her about him before...but have not really mentioned him lately as I assumed he would get my message of not wanting to start something. But he tells me he wants to be friends....not so sure. No..I am not going to just have an affair with him with no forethought...Jesus, even if Liz was not pregnant I would not do this. I know she would understand and I know she would not be upset...but that is not the point. When I was with Bea I didn't go around fucking whomever I pleased either. Truth is...if I can tell her and be honest about it, I will feel better. It will give me strength and make me better able to resist. I am not an animal and am perfectly capable of holding back my urges. I am not about to have an affair with a dude I do not know well or another woman...even if it is only one time...when she is on the cusp of delivery. Nor will I do this after he is born and she is recovering from the birth. This, to me, is more of a fantasy with Drew...and maybe at some point it could be something...but the timing is bad to start with a whole new person whom I really don't even know that well. I winder about your so-called 'moral standards' sometimes darling...truly. We are very different, ma dear.
LOL Your brother is very funny with how he sees the world through his eyes. So child like. So you haven't mentioned Drew at all to Liz yet? I think you should, and I bet she will encourage you to have a tryst with him while you still can. Why not? It won't be a deep love affair that would jeopardize your relationship with Liz. Anyway, if I was in her place, I would be encouraging you to because I think it is very steamy and hot how badly Drew wants you and you want to experience him so why not? The door of opportunity won't be open much longer and Liz is a very secure woman so I doubt she will have a problem with it. DO IT !!! Then tell me all about it! :) I wish I could meet Drew. I love guys with long hair. Is he in these short films? Is there one I could watch so I can check him out? Are his eyes as beautiful as Brian Molko?
"Good" food...not "God" food. What would that even be????
The party was fun...I had a good time. It was mostly friends from work and many of Sunil's personal friends. God food...I don;t drink so Iw as not as rowdy as the other attendees...but I did dance a little (not something I do often....I am not a good dancer!). Liz was fine with bro. They played Monopoly and watched a movie. She fell asleep and then when I got home Dane told me she was "kind of boring" and that Jeffery was more fun. I explained to him that she is fun...but at the moment, being very pregnant makes her tired. He said "well then maybe she shouldn't get pregnant anymore because it makes her boring." LOL!
Well..I must tell you...I found the ending predictable, I was not surprised. The story line was moving toward this end and there were many obvious clues. I did not dislike the movie...it was better than most, but typical hollywood, imo. It contained all of the essential elements and I felt a manipulative pull by the director...by extension, the screenwriter too, I suppose... to make the audience 'feel' a certain way. I do not like that. It was entertaining and funny at times and both Spacey and Benning (sp?) were very good as they are, by American standards, good actors. Peter Gallagher may be a good guy...he seems to be actually. But I don't like his face, it is odd looking..his mouth, his brow line...and he is not a good actor, at all. LOL! He is better than someone like Keanu Reeves I suppose...but never believable as the character in any of the roles he plays. Sorry to disagree.
Drew does some film work. He does documentaries or as he calls them "short films". He sent me a few which I watched...he doesn't look as hot as he did the first time I met him..which was disappointing. He cut his nice long hair...told him that was a mistake. Anyway...it's still longish. He has gorgeous eyes. He did a recent short film on line for 'Occupy Wall St' in NY which is getting a lot of attention and youtube hits. He is no longer at the museum and I think he was there pt to get some exposure for a documentary he is doing relating to NY architecture or something like that....I forgot what he told me. He is pt at Columbia, too, pursuing his PhD. in Anthropology. He s really an interesting, intelligent "Renaissance man" type of guy. I hope he stops contacting me. He called me at work the other day ...I have been having Sheila send his messages to my voice mail so I can avoid his advances...but he is a trickster...he left the name Andrew (which is his name...Drew is his nick name, I guess), I did not put 2 and 2 together and though 'Andrew' is his name...he always refers to himself to me as 'Drew'. And when I picked up and said "This is Michael XXX" he said "I miss you." Ugh! I think I am going to tell Liz about this as I am beginning to feel a bit at a loss as to what to do. I refuse to start something with him so close to her delivering and my inevitable move. But...I am really wanting to get intimate with him. He is very sexy....admittedly, not as good looking as Jeffery...no contest there...but still handsome. He keeps telling me about his desire for me and what he wants to do with me. When I watched his short films/documentaries on line I was getting really hot. He is so smart and committed to his craft (and young....a bit too young perhaps). He does so many things...very interesting dude.
Liz has not called me this morning so I assume she is sleeping late. good...she needs it.
Good morning babe, ... I loved the whole story line and plot of American Beauty, and the ending was so unexpected and shocking. The boyfriend of Kevin's daughter was such an interesting character and good actor I thought. I loved how the movie portrayed his dad as such a messed up and unhappy individual because he lacked the courage to be his true self, and instead hid his homosexual desires. It makes me wonder how many guys are out there beating up gay guys when they are one themselves. This whole religion crap and Bible thumping making people think they are sinners if they feel desires for the same gender is just so fucked up and mind warping. I love reminding people that the Bible was written by the hand of man and is therefore subject to fallacy and bias, not to mention its been copied and re-interpreted a thousand times over. I'm sure that along the way people have changed and twisted words a bit to their own liking. Hey, Peter can always pluck those eyebrows! I think he is quite good looking and I think he is a good actor. Jamie told me he is very friendly, down to earth and unpretentious.
As for your hiding the Monopoly money from Daniel, .. I would do the same thing just so he can win because he needs to feel he is good at something and I would guess it builds his self esteem. He obviously takes the game very seriously and he is child like so why not? He's happy he wins and you're happy it's over! LOL
I would guess that Liz will be coming to spend the day with you, am I right? Is Daniel excited about moving to London? How was that party you went to?
not "ver-hyped" but "over-hyped"
We watch movies too...yes.....ALL of the time! And Dan chooses them so they are usually not the best. I recall seeing American Beauty a long time ago...I liked it fine, it didn't blow me away (oh...no pun intended). I actually remember thinking that movie was ver-hyped....good for sure, but the director tired too hard to be creative. Peter Gallagher has terrible eyebrows. I just don't think him very good looking. He is not a great actor either...sorry. I hope he and your son are not friends. annette Benning was funny in that movie if I remember correctly.And the ultra-gay Kevin Spacey is always a good actor. We watched HP AGAIN last night...but I just did work on my lap top while he watched.
Truth be told...I get really b-o-r-e-d playing 'Monopoly' and 'Life' with bro, that I sometimes cheat. When he is not looking....I get rid of a lot of my money so he wins. I know it is dishonest...but he's not a child...so fuck it. It makes him happy and I get to get one more game out of the way. Usually it mattes not whether we play one very long game...bro will have a little fit if he is planning on 2 games and we only play 1. This sometimes means starting a whole new fucking game at midnight. And when he looses...he sulks. When Liz beat him he was okay though...he said "she's really good at Monopoly. But, since she's a girl so I let her win." LOL! She will catch on soon enough and do what I do so the game will end.
It's okay, you're not a downer babe. I like hearing what's on your mind even if it isn't always the happiest of thoughts. I like serious talk as well as thought provoking subjects. So no need to apologize, okay? I played Monopoly a lot while growing up and my gosh, that game can last for hours! Do you put a time limit on it? It's too bad you couldn't just talk him into a movie where you could just zone out and relax. Have you ever seen American Beauty? It is one of my very favorites and stars Kevin Spacey, Annette Benning, and Peter Gallagher. I have a picture of Jamie with Peter from a movie they worked together on. He told Jamie that he was wearing a hair piece in American Beauty that belonged to Cary Grant. Another really good movie starring Kevin Spacey is K PAX. I love him as an actor. Tony tells me that Kevin is gay. Did you know that?
Is Liz's hubby really well known? Would I recognize his name? Is he a billionaire? Frank figured out who he is. Did you know that?
I fucking hate Monopoly. I would gladly die NOW if it meant I never had to play another game of Monopoly. But, I love Daniel...so we played two games this evening. Liz was going to come over...but when she called me, she sounded so exhausted... I didn't want her making the trip...I wanted her to rest, she needs to maintain her strength. Her parents offered to drive her to my place (but that would mean they would be turning around and driving back to her place 45-50 minutes each way) but I didn't want to make them do that (they are in their 70's and very nervous about driving at night). Liz's dad has many health problems as well, including congestive heart failure.
I am not being a downer by telling you about my anticipated life span...sorry. I am at peace with all of this. I grew up knowing my time here was limited...and yes...I have, perhaps, defied the odds a bit. It is not unreasonable that I may live to by 75...or I could possibly die at 45--though I doubt the latter would occur based on my health profile .....and I exercise regularly, work out daily , watch what I eat very closely and have regular check ups. When a procedure is needed...I get it done ASAP. I am slim and have no other risk factors (except HBP which I control with medication, and lifestyle chances). Sorry to bum you out...but I feel very much okay with all of this.Honestly. I feel I am luckier than most born with this malady. My doctor's are always pleased and amazed by my relative good health and progress. During my last surgical procedure, the cardiac surgeon told me that, based on my current health, he didn't expect I would even be eligible for a transplant for around 25 years (by saying "eligible for a transplant", he means my heart would give out then...they just don't like to say that) . That's good to hear...yes? I really liked hearing that. I told my mother when the cardiac surgeon stated this and she said "There is a God." She was so happy!
I would looooooove a warm bath right now, have you ben reading my mind?...it has been a while since I have had a lady do that for me. Poor Liz is too pregnant to help me there. She promised after her recovery she would bathe me for a good hour and wash my hair and give me a full body massage. I love soaking in a tub and feeling the soft female touch, and having a woman lather my entire body gently. It is relaxing and very sensual......stimulating. Guess what I like to do after the bath is over?????? ;) yeah....that's right, baby.
None of us knows how much time we really have...yes? so why waste it on worrying about death? I feel very much alive. When I talk to Liz about all of this...she makes me feel a calm serenity. She tells me "let's just live each day and not worry about whether you will be here years from now. It doesn't matter ...not really". And then she recently told me once "you are more alive than anyone I know." Yes...that is how I choose to e remembered. I want to squish as much life as possible into my years.
You have defied the odds babe, so why not think the possibility is there to live much longer than twenty years? I think it is quite possible with medical strides that will have been made between now and the time you need more help. Try not to over think this right now. No one is promised tomorrow so we should always live for today. Is Liz coming over to keep you company this evening? I bet Daniel will want to talk you either into a movie or Monopoly. LOL I wish I could run a warm bath for you and bathe you and then let you soak for awhile as we talk. I miss doing that with Kevin. Are you going to hand out treats for Halloween? I have many decorations up outside and enjoy handing out treats to the kids. Their excitement and happiness is infectious and I love checking out their costumes.
Don't want to go into detail regarding my congenital abnormality....but heart transplants are most successful in patients with more common maladies. Valve disorders are usually treated best with repeated surgeries...but transplants are also effective when no other options remain...though the rejection rate is higher. the heart itself is healthy...but the valves are weak. Yes...it is a congenital...heritable..disorder. My fear was that my child would inherit this disorder...but luckily his tiny heart appears fine and healthy (on the many sonograms) and he has shown no signs of this disorder. Makes me very happy. After he is born, they will conduct more extensive tests. But...the medical science is more advanced for early stages and even if he does inherit this (which now appears very unlikely) the procedures would be in place for successful correction before his heart grows too large his odds for living a normal life span would be VERY high....whereas I have no expectations that I will live a normal (average) life span...but that's okay...I live for the moment and try to have as much love in my life as possible.
I was a bit worried about Liz and her expectations for "us". I told her that I, very likely, will leave her a widow one day when she was still relatively young (say...in her 50's), if we were to marry. She said that was okay....and that even if I had a terminal illness with a year or two to live...she would still marry me.... and have as many of my children as possible within that time span. Yes...that is the way to live...right?
You are rare, unique, and a miracle in my eyes Michael. It is very true that there is no one else like you walking around on this planet or in the entire universe for that matter. If it is a valve disorder, then it is in the heart itself, right? So wouldn't a new heart take care of that problem? Forgive me for asking this, but is this thing hereditary? Is there a chance your son may have something similar?
LOL I would love ANY photos of you and will gladly supply you with my email again if only you would send me something. Honey, your chest scars would not bother me in the least because they are still a part of you. You shouldn't destroy those pics as I'm sure Liz and your family would love to have them. So would I ! Pretty please? Send me pics of you and if you should desire, I could mail you a couple of myself. I don't own a digital camera and still haven't taken the time to figure out how to use the one on my computer. It just hasn't been a priority yet. Even Jamie doesn't know how and he has saved my computer from bad viruses several times. It would mean dragging out the dreaded manual. UGH. I love reading, but not instructions and manuals.
Battery operated vibrators wear out before I'm done with them and that just leaves me frustrated. It has to be electric all the way. Tony bought me what is called the silver bullet and they are two egg size and shaped vibrators that can be inserted or held against the clit and pussy. Well, that was very kind of him but I prefer my turbo vibrator that never gives out.
I meant to ask you how that party was you went to at your friend's place a few days back? Did anyone look attractive or attracted to you? Did Liz make out okay with Daniel that evening? Was he staring at her boobies the whole night? LOL
I expect to be around for at least 20 years...healthily...after that there is normal wear and tear that sets in. I have a valve disorder which is hard to correct even with a transplant...but I would qualify for a transplant at some point. Ha ha...I should not have said that to you, of all people. I am actually lucky to be alive....when WI as born, Iw as told I would not live past my teens, but my parents were steadfast and paid for the best surgeons in the world....between that and my own resolve, I am still here, so maybe I am my own little "miracle"....LOL!
Ohhh Michael, please say you have at least twenty PLUS years left and you may just be surprised and live longer than that. Both of my grandparents lived to be around 92 to 94 yrs old. It is my belief that if my dad's triple bypass hadn't been botched to where they had to re-open him to tie off bleeders and THEN he developed a bad staph infection that took his life at 83 yrs old, I think he would have lived another decade. My mom was younger than my dad and she ended up dying at 83 yrs old as well. In twenty yrs there will be brand new medical breakthroughs as well, and you are taking proper measures to stay healthy. If it is your heart that worries you, .. a new heart can save your life and by the time you need one they will have it down to new methods and perfection, so try not to think the worse.
It is not that I have never taken risks in my life. Admittedly, there have been times I shut down to protect myself. When I found you, I was not looking for anyone and I was still dealing with Mr. Drunk that refused to move out, so I shut down from him as well and the internet became my friend and my world within my world. I know that sounds pathetic but it was my escape from him. I am taking a risk with Datehookup and I'm still meeting guys on there. You asked as to why I don't date locally, and I did have that one date where he took me to dinner and a movie and then wrote me the next day suggesting I should fix him dinner and invite him into my home. WRONG! That was a turn off and pretty transparent and right down rude if you ask me. All the guys I've found from here have been unattractive and boring so far. Unlike a lot of women, I am not desperate to meet anyone and I love waking up everyday knowing I can plan my day as I like and I can do as I want. For the right person, I may be willing to invite him into my world but if he doesn't come along, I won't be crying crocodile tears either. I just live each day with great appreciation for the blessings I have.
How was your evening with Liz? Is J trying to get together with you again as well? I still think he may make plans to re-locate to London to be near you and Daniel. How long is your stay there suppose to be?
I worked from home again today as our offices are being renovated and a h20 pipe burst and flooded the office area. LOL! Lucky me. So....I was cleaning up my computer desk top today and J had downloaded some photos one day in September. There were so many for the past year or so (he loves taking pictures) so I deleted most of them (they were nearly ll of me taken by him...a few with Dan int he photo). Anyway...one photo in particular struck me...and if you are good I might consider sending it to you...you would love it...though you may be able to blackmail me with it! J took it this past Spring. In the photo I am sleeping with my glasses still resting on my nose (I wear contact lenses for distance ...but glasses only for reading up close at times...see...I am getting old)...my eyes are closed, completely nude with by lap top computer resting on my upper abdomen as I am lying there in all my glory. My legs spread a bit apart and my dick...though soft resting on the side of my upper left thigh....sort of slung over to the side LOL! It is pretty hilarious. So I began to delete it...then decided against it. I'll show Liz next time I see her. Actually considered sending it to Drew too and then realized that I really don't know him that well and do not want nude photos of me circulating. Bet you'd like to see it. The good part is that the lap top, while resting on my chest and upper abdomen, covers my chest scars so I don't look so scary. I think if you saw my sausage you might be too aroused...better not send this to you or you might lose power at your home...maybe your entire county...OR is your vibrator battery operated???
I am not mad. You just fruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuustrate the hell out of me sometimes. IF you feel that life is a series of decisions..indecisions...some chance...and a little smidgen of circumstance (i.e.: being in the 'right' place at the 'right' time) it might empower you to take charge and not passively sit back and let life happen to you....to take risks and risk getting hurt...love is, after all, worth it. Don't ya think?
I think it's a given that anyone would prefer to be alone than in a bad relationship...except for those very insecure, emotionally weak/compromised and dependent types. Fo me...I am very independent, but sick of being alone, single...though I usually have a mate...I don't like being single and having to navigate the dating scene. Sick of it. I don't want that life anymore and it took me a long while to realize this. In retrospect, I have been wanting to settle down (though I did not even admit this to myself...) for about a year or tow now. I wanted to meet someone and not necessarily marry...but be with someone ...be close. With my health issues...I figure i have 20 healthy years at most left (don't start crying please) so my life is really beginning to slip away...slowly...but it's slipping.
I'm sorry, truly I am. Please don't get mad at me and I didn't mean to condescend or sound haughty. Please forgive me, okay? I love you.
No, you were not simply "speaking of the stages of relationships..." You went completely negative and you were trying to make me second guess my potential commitment to Liz and it was unkind. Stop denying it and if you can't realize now, in retrospect, that this was your motive... then you need to see a therapist. I am serious. Not angry...but very serious. The conversation evolved into something dark and ugly and began with your post re: how any problems we had in the past will resurface and how being bi was not good for a commitment and all other ugly negative DOWNER things. Go read it..it's all on this poll here! I don't have the stomach for it...and if I read it again...I'll just get pissed at you for refusing to admit your nefarious intentions and motives re: that post. Yes...it was jealousy and envy...it was also cutting and cruel to me. Stop acting so innocent about it. It's been a few weeks...go re-read it and see if you see now what is apparent to me. Maybe your emotions were clouding your judgement and you could not be honest re: your 'mal' intent. Okay...I will stop here.
Additionally...you completely missed my point about my countering of your 'life force' statements. You are bringing up these silly examples which have nothing to do with what I am saying. Please stop trying to convince me of things...I am smart and educated enough to draw my own conclusions. Stop condescending and attributing my opinions to being a scientist...it is tacky, haughty and insulting. I know it makes you feel better...but I happen to be a deep thinker and take nothing for granted. I don't bury my head in the sand and I am open to all reasonable possibilities. I am perfectly capable of examining information and drawing LOGICAL conclusion. Okay? Sometimes I think you have never met an intelligent person in your entire life.
You completely misinterpret Einstein. Ugh! What he considered to be a "miracle" and what you consider to be a "miracle" and what some christian evangelical may consider to be a miracle are all different things. It is always those who are least like the original 'quoter' who tend to quote him to make their point. Well...misfire! is what I say to you!
Ia m trying to help you and you consistently miss my points!
no spell ck....
LOL Okay, I just took a trip into 'The Twilight Zone'. ! I hope you won't let that upset you. I watch Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, programs on UFO's, the paranormal, and I surf the internet sometimes to watch odd things that have been caught on film, .. even odd creatures that were thought extinct or that have never been seen before. Under scientific conditions, apparitions and strange phenomena are being captured on audio and video along with authentic eyewitness accounts from individuals like police, pilots, and military officials who put their reputation on the line and face taunts and ridicule to speak about what they have encountered with no monetary rewards attached and most don't seek notoriety. I simply think it is all very fascinating and thought provoking, so I leave my mind open to possibilities. I'll leave it at that. :) I admire you to no end Michael. The first thing that captivated me about you was your quick wit, funny humor and most of all your intelligence. There is nothing sexier to me than a guy's mind and his thoughts. That is after all, what usually defines an individual and gives a glimpse into their being and who they are. Next come the eyes as that is a bit of a mirror into their soul. Think about that for a moment, what you have seen and felt as you have looked into the eyes of the people you have met through your life. The vibes you get, the feeling you get off of what is looking back at you. I can tell so much off of that first initial eye contact with someone as I'm sure you can as well. Often it is instant 'like' or 'don't like'. I'm thinking at this moment of your instant 'like' and connection you had with Drew when you 'locked' eyes. I remember a few times when my ex bf Larry was extremely drunk and on the verge of becoming angry and out of control, the look in his eyes. SCARY SCARY SCARY! It wasn't Larry looking back at me, I wish you could have seen the difference I saw. He was absent and gone, this was some kind of demon looking back at me. I swear Michael, he was no longer Larry though you may argue and say that can't be and that it was still him. I don't know, it was very strange how he seemed to not be present. I guess I will leave it at that. Well, enough of this stuff. I'll leave it alone now and I'm sure you welcome that. :)
I think Tony is okay for the most part. He is never really feeling well, but he seems to be back to his normal self. I think he scared himself after watching that movie about a guy that had brain cancer. He still needs to get a really thorough exam, but I think after he is completely rid of this cold or flu virus that he will bounce back.
I'm doing okay for the most part. I'm still looking for employment and it is scary right now with jobs so scarce. It is so often who you know and what they can do for you that gets your foot in the door, and I've run out of resources for that. I've recovered from my klutz accident and my right knee only feels vaguely sore. I have an ugly bruise on the underside of my right forearm but it is already starting to fade. Mentally and emotionally I feel pretty good. I have my melancholy moments I guess because I do tend to reflect a lot on past events and people who are no longer in my life. My biggest fear Michael is 'loss' and emotional hurt and pain. I am not so afraid of being alone as I kind of like it. There are many benefits to being alone. Do I wish I could find someone to share my life with? Well, yes I do, but only if it is indeed the right person. Life has taught me time and again that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. Believe me, I have gone through some VERY unbearable situations in my past, so where I am now feels like paradise compared to things I have gone through. My life is full of possibilities again and I like that. Talking to you everyday is part of my sunshine. Did you know that? :)
I don't remember saying anything bad about Liz, and if I did, I certainly apologize Michael. It would have been jealousy and envy speaking. I haven't heard you mention anything about her that is dark or ugly in the least so I can't imagine what I would have said. Yes, I remember speaking about the stages of relationships but that was not a reference to her or putting her down. Relationships are forever evolving and changing, this I know and that was all I was trying to say. Okay? :)
Instead of 'life force', what if I use the label of 'nature'? Surely you believe nature exists. :) Well, I think nature is very mysterious and that we are very far away yet from knowing all that exists within this 'nature' that is the architect that breathes life into all that exists. As Einstein said, and I paraphrase as I can't remember his exact wording, " Either you don't believe miracles exist, or you believe everything is a miracle." I definitely believe in miracles, I believe in intuition, and I think some people have high psychic ability. There are many documented cases that prove that, and I witnessed that with my ex who kept dreaming of a plane crash three weeks prior to it happening with at least half a dozen dreams that yielded specific details that were very rare for a plane crash, such as it flipping midair and crashing on its back in an empty lot next to trailer homes and he knew it would be an American DC 10 because in one dream he saw a glimpse of the wallpaper inside the craft. He flew often so he knew the type of plane that had that. Every single detail fit perfectly with that horrible Chicago crash that happened 3 weeks later, and that is when his nightmare stopped recurring. I am not embellishing anything Michael. That is how it happened. We were both in shock and disbelief. He even rented a car when he was in Chicago several months later and sought out the crash site to see if the white cinder block building across the road from the crash where he kept opening the door of it to see the plane coming down, to see if it existed. It was there and it was a truck repair shop! I am thinking that someone did open that door when they heard the loud noise of the plane and witnessed the carnage, and my ex was seeing it through his eyes somehow in the future. I know how far fetched that sounds Michael and I am just taking a wild guess about that. But what I do know as fact is that my ex kept dreaming about that specific crash prior to it happening with at least half a dozen dreams. I knew Greg to be very honest, intelligent, and intuitive, but not 'psychic' ever in his life. Just that one time. You are a scientist and you believe only what can be proven, I understand and respect that. I don't want to believe in anything that isn't real and I also try to look with a skeptical and logical mind at anything that happens. There were outright very strange and mysterious things that happened after Kevin's death that I believe to be miracles and him reaching out to me. VERY strange things! I won't tell you because you won't believe me. Suffice to say, I believe in miracles because I have been shown they exist. I know none of this will change your belief system and that is fine. Honey, what I have told you is real and the truth, so do with it what you like. I understand what you are saying about us determining our own destiny and I certainly believe we have free will over that to a great degree. I just leave open the door of possibility that maybe just maybe, there is also a destination that has been somehow predetermined with milestones we are meant to reach, and how we reach them is our free will part. Sounds ludicrous and nuts I know, I recognize that. It isn't 'logical'. Well, what happened to my ex wasn't logical either. What I experienced after Kevin's death wasn't logical either, but it happened. I'm running out of strokes, ~ to be continued~
"won" should be "own" destiny. typing quickly so ignore my many typos.
The poets and playwright in the days of yore felt that one had to experience great pain ...or some pain... to be truly happy, and that is why we have these great classic tragedies for our reading pleasure! My point is that had we gotten together...I do not believe that it would have been a mistake or that it would have necessarily ended badly...or that you would have felt more in love and therefore...more hurt. You need to stop worrying and thinking about yourself all of the time. Okay? Stop making excuses for not living. Heed my advice. You are in control....you can have happiness...but it won't just 'happen' to you. TRUST ME. fuck fate...fuck destiny...create your own!
Now...having written that...Liz is convinced that our baby she is a carrying is the child we had that was never born (because of me ....since I coerced her to abort and he was destroyed). she feels this very strongly. No matter how I tell her that this is a nice thought but it's not well reasoned....she refuses to believe otherwise. She is not a stupid, odd, or crazy person...so I let it go. I think she needs to believe this ...so I suppose it's okay. Another thing about Liz you need to know is what she has endured for me. I can't express it all here for various reasons...some of it is very personal and 'tis not wise for me to divulge some stuff on here. But, she took a huge emotional and life risk on me. Me! Why me??? Why would she risk what she has for someone who left her in the dust, caused her grief and great pain and treated her so badly? I am hardly worthy of her ...but she did it to be with me. She is the strongest person I know...stronger than I am, for sure...even stronger than Jeffery. She is quiet and almost unassuming....but, her resolute inner- strength made her play all of her cards on me as if she were saying "what the fuck...you only live once and I am going to take the chance." This is not her personality type, mind you. She is not a big risk taker. LOL! She gave up so much for me...things I cannot tell you or anyone. She is fearless like I never would have imagined. All for me. Jesus...both of us took risks....and that is why we belong together...NOT because of some predetermined undefined force. Okay? I need you to understand that.
There are coincidences...yes. But darling, they are merely coincidences. Like feeling she wanted to get in touch with me...it was my heart hurting...my mind wandering and hope that was still alive in me...not a 'life force'. If you continue to feed into your fears and selfishness and assume that life forces are always at work and everything is predestined....then I fear you will never find anyone. Make your won destiny. Start today.
How is Tony? How are you?
Okay...well, you got very dark and said plenty of mean things about her...me...last time so I just anticipated that. Remember when you were, purportedly, just "relating your own past experiences..." but it took an ugly turn. Okay....that's the past. I like you this way better. :)
Ha ha...I don't believe there are any life forces at work here...sorry. I don't buy into that...it seems folks who do are looking for a way to deal with unexpected events in their lives whether it be disappointment, tragedy, unrequited love, etc. I believe we are, to a degree, in charge of our own "destiny" and I guess I took control of mine. By writing her that letter...I set my own course, yes? Had I listened to you or anyone else who was against me contacting her and had taken that advice...our son would not be. That is hard for me to imagine...and he is not even 'here' yet! What an awful mistake that would have been! I love J because he was the first one to suggest the letter (even if he regretted it at some point)...and I love Ana because she kept bugging me to write it. It was 100% the right decision and the best decision I have ever made in my entire life, hands down. But understand...had I NOT written that letter...things would have been very different for me. Less happy for certain. So some abstract and undefined 'life force' being at work here? I think not....I took control and did something instead of sitting back and allowing life to happen to me. And I am the better for it ("Two roads diverged in a wood---and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."). Additionally, I was thinking so much of Liz in the preceding months prior to my contact her because...I feel I was very lonely and depressed, feeling alone...especially when I was preparing to relo to London and when Iw as living in London. I felt unfilled and when one is down and feeling sad, withdrawn or just melancholy and very alone...it is human nature to think back at the time we were happiest...and that was always with Liz. I destroyed, singlehandedly, the happiest time of my life...I was responsible for hurting and pushing away the person I loved most in this world and taking away from her what she loved most, me and the baby she wanted to live. For me to live with the reality of my own self-destruction was unbearable at times. When I contacted her I convinced myself that it was unlikely I would hear back from her (and this was okay) as she had kids...at least 1...and was happily married (I figured she would be with a husband who adored her). But... the more I think about it...I suppose I was hoping beyond hope that she was unfulfilled, childless and wanting me as much as I still craved her. How selfish of me....but perhaps I was holding on to that small possibility. So darling, make no mistake of it...I did this...I was the force. We CAN determine what we perceived our own 'destiny' to be, make no Mistake of it. Playing it safe benefits nobody...especially you. I do believe that anything worth having involves some type of risk...even if you feel and experience loss, heartache, anger...you DO feel a sense of fulfillment for having the experience and for taking the chance. No regrets. I do believe in my heart that even if Liz never contacted me....I would have been okay...better ...because I took the step despite the risk and I knew that she would die knowing how I felt. Once I mailed that letter there was a weight lifted from me...I felt liberated and serene.
You rather live a fantasy than experience someone....your excuses of hurt and only loving me more if we were together. I don't get that and I can;t get that. Life is short so everything is finite...it is experience that matters NOT the end result. I don't know what the future really holds for me...none of us do. but I am going ot risk it to have a taste of happiness no matter how undetermined. It is the experience that we remember and that makes us alive. The poets and playwright i
There is nothing for me to be mad about darling, so don't worry about me getting angry at you or jealous of her. I could never hate you. How can I blame her for loving you so much? If she was the type of woman I disdain, .. I would have a problem with her and you know what kind of trampish, aggressive, and desperate women I can't stand. She is the opposite of that and I am 100% certain you have found yourself someone who deserves your affection and commitment. She has laid all her cards on the table now and isn't playing games with you and that is what I like to see. She has true happiness now in her life because she has you, your heart which is what I was always after, your baby, ... she isn't walking away from it all as you describe it because that life was empty, shallow, and devoid of meaning for her. She has found true wealth and what life is all about and I know she is too smart to ever let you go. How can I blame her? I wouldn't let you go either if I was in her place. I want you but I have a peacefulness in me about how this is all unfolding because you two love each other so much and all this just seems so meant to be. Your baby is anything but an accident. Your baby was heaven sent to heal a painful past and to bring you two back together. It just seems so obvious to me that a 'life force' that we can't even comprehend with our little human minds was at work here. This is all part of your destiny Michael and I have never seen a clearer case of synchronicity at work. Think back for a moment if you will at how badly you missed her and mourned not having her in your life. I'll never forget how many times you told me you could "feel" her calling out to you. Well, .. she was. She was missing you and mourning you every bit as bad as you missed her. Now, how does one explain that kind of 'knowing' that you had? Just like a magnetic force, the love you two still felt was slowly pulling you back together. It would have been painful for me to meet you, fall deeper in love with you, and you still had this yearning desire to be back with her. Your heart has always belonged to her this whole time I have known you. It is better this way because now you can take this journey with her and see where it leads you. So, what can I offer you? Friendship and deep caring because I will always love you and want you happy Michael. You say you don't know what you can offer me. Well, how about letting me stay in your life as a friend ? It brings me joy to talk with you and to know you are okay. I know you will be quite busy with this new life, but maybe you can still drop me a line and talk to me when you have the chance. That would make me very happy if we can just stay in touch. Okay?
And yes, I did play with my muffin! I fell asleep afterwords because it felt so good and because I was fantasizing about being with you. :)
last line should have read..."gotta run--no spell check." My phone was ringing and I thought it was my mother calling so needed to get it. It was J...LOL! Calling to say hello. Liz should be here soon.
hello moist muffin. Did you slip your finger into that wet pussy and rub your clit while you were thinking of me? Baby, baby, baby....if you wanted me so badly, why the fuck didn't you make more of an effort? God....not much I can do about it now, but it seems you may have made the wrong decision about meeting me. Is the fantasy better for you than the reality? Is that it?I am not angry...but Ic an tell you really want me and I think the experience would have been awesome and maybe something would have come of it.
Liz is coming over soon to see me. I am so fucking horny that even if that baby's head is crowning, I'd still have a hard time keeping my hands off of her. She told me she felt very good and her body feels up for it. We might just engage in mutual oral though, as I am a it fearful of accelerating labor by vigorous intercourse.... even if the odds of that are small.
Well...I feel a bit badly as I don't feel I can offer you anything anymore. Doesn't seem right for me to visit you or for you to come out anymore. I am supposed to be transitioning to London Dec. 15...but am trying to negotiate a January 2 relo. J thinks it's too soon for Dan (as in insufficient notice) . I agree, but feel I have little choice. J offered to stay with Dan at my place when I first move to London ease him into the change. He is so nice...love him for trying to help us. My place will be sub-let probably beginning February...need time to completely move out. I might travel back and forth from UK to NY for the first month of two. Big changes...big stress and little time for anything else. Plus... of course...a new baby. Liz has not pressured me...not one bit. I asked her yesterday what she thought she wanted out of our relationship. She didn't answer at first. Then she asked me "if I tell you the truth, do you promise not to let it influence you? If I am very honest about what I want...do you promise me you will not do what I desire only for me?" I thought for a moment and then I offered her my solemn promise. She hesitated and I said "Well....tell me God Damn it!" She simply said "I want to be yours forever, I have always wanted to be with only you for the rest of my life. I know that is what I want without question. I want you in any way that I can have you...in whole, in part, in pieces...as long as it is forever. Yes, I want to marry you, but I would gladly accept you in my life with or without marriage. I want to be yours and for you to be mine forever." Okay...now I know you will get mad and say negative shit about me and about her motives...and I don't care. I am telling you because I thought you should know. And to be honest...I liked hearing it. I loved hearing it. it made me feel peaceful and happy. I have never had anyone love me this much, unconditionally. She asked me how I felt about this. I simply answered "I called you after 10 years because I could not forget about you. What does that say?" And I told her that I could not even think about not having her in my life as it was too painful of a thought to bear and that I loved her beyond anything I could ever have imagined and that I always have. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to London. She began to weep and said "you know I do."....So there you have it. I cannot go into detail...but you don't know what she has given up for me. She left her marriage (which was hanging by a thread and unhappy, yes....but still, her husband would have stayed in it)...but what she gave up is truly immense...her lifestyle....the obscene connections, money, status, but still so much more than just this...not to mention carrying this baby and having to endure the public shame (and that does still exist in the societal echelon)....all endured and sacrificed for me. She gave up all of this for me and for my child. How can I not fall in love with that? I am sorry and don't get all pissed off at me...I have enough stress. I wanted to let you know...okay?
Don't hate me :(
go
Come on baby, come on darling
Let me steal this moment from you now
Oh come on angel, come on come on darlin'
Let's exchange the experience
I fucking love you .............. soooooooooooooo much.
Maybe you can't reach me physically, but you've reached me in my mind, emotions and heart. It's been that way for a long long time now, and thinking about you stirs something inside of me that lets me feel your warmth, and lets me feel what heaven is made of. She gets to have you, ... but I get to love you too no matter what.
Allow me to clarify...it is very long (and hard) right now...but not long enough to reach the Land of Enchantment....
I'd love to fuck you now darling...but my dick just isn't that long :0
I would love that. I might lock the door and throw away the key. I love you baby can I have some more? I want you bad and my tits want a good hard sucking too while your cock is rubbing and fucking my pussy. GODDDDDDDDDDD .... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I need you so BAAAAAAAAAAAAD! Fuck fuck fuck me PLEASE baby! Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top of my pussy for you to eat. I'm dying here without you ...............
*whimper* As Paris Hilton always says, " THAT'S HOT! " Jamie left a few minutes ago so I'm going to watch some of my favorite clips and then have some fun. Too bad I can't help Liz make you feel good. Two hot mouths and pussies for you to play with at once! ;) How soon is she coming over?
Yes.....I would love to rub the tip of my red swollen cock all over your enormous clit....and then I would shove it in your hole and thrust it hard ---in and out, in and out---- and then before I cum I'd pull it out and spray my man juice all over your clit..... and then I'd lick it all off....
Howdya like that?
You bad, dirty little wet vixen! Oh I am going to have to do such terrible things to you...you will never recover you little horny nymph....I LOVE it....oh yes. I am home today because my office is being renovated and we had a mini flood...so happy...can probably work from home tomorrow as well. Liz found out that I am home and not at work, so now she wants to come over and suck my cock (she said exactly that!) ...I love it. I told her she should probably rest since the delivery will be in the next week or so...but she said she was as horny as hell and so in love with me that she'd rather blow me and fuck me than rest or do anything else. God...I am hard just writing this. I asked her if I could suck on her (now) big titties to see if her mammary glands are producing yet and making milk yet...she said she wants me to suck as hard as possible because it makes her pussy wet. Ha ha....Me likey. She is as horny as I am...always has been...and you are a close second!! ;)
LOL You did it again! You referred to J's pubic hair as "public" hair! hahaha That cracks me up. :) You're so cute. You are making me very amorous again with your descriptions, and Jamie doesn't leave yet for another two hours. Arrrggg It is cold and very cloudy outside and my house is a little chilly since we have yet to light the gas pilot for the furnace. I hope I can get Jamie to do that when he gets home tonight. He has to go up in the attic and close off the air vent for the swamp cooler as well. This weather makes me want to curl up in my bed with my little friend so I can play with my pussy all day long. I would love to have you help me. Your warm wet mouth would feel so good on her. Mmmmmmmmmmmm I can feel myself going wet and I'm tingling just thinking about it. It's a good thing I need both hands to type or one of them would be taking a trip south of the equator right about now to do some massaging. I really am in need of a fucking good time and thinking about how you would feel inside of me almost makes me climax just thinking about it. Sorry, I'm being naughty but it's true. I don't stick objects up me because it just isn't the same as a warm rock hard cock. Even my fingers don't do anything for me so I just immensely enjoy spreading her wide open with one hand and rubbing and playing with my clit. It is so sensitive to touch and massaging, a warm mouth, and right now I am imagining you rubbing your cock back and forth on her before putting him inside me. Oh crikey, I've still got to wait an hour and 45 minutes before Jamie leaves. Yep, I'm just going to have a fun day with me, myself, and my pussy! :) Wish you were here .... and oh how I wish I could hide under your desk right now so I could reach up and feel your cock going hard for me baby. I would give him a nice massage and squeeze from the outside of your pants until he peeks out for me from the top of your pants to say hello! Then that zipper is coming down so I can pull him out and kiss the tip of him and then slide him into my hot wet mouth. This is about the time you tell Sheila to hold all your phone calls! :) Have you ever fucked anyone in your office?
I agree...I am not into hairy backs and that would completely turn me off from a guy. Jeffery is not hairy like a swarthy foreign man, no back hair...he is very WASPy looking...but for some reason...has a lot of ass, leg, chest hair and public hair. I mean...not an over-abundance...but more than one would expect for a arian looking male. His big cock made up for that though....
I used to suck his cock for a long while.... and then make my mouth would make it's way to his monster scrotum and I'd think...Jesus...if these weren't so hairy ...I'd have a hay day down here...but after having them in my mouth for a while...the hair got to me. LOL! I am not half as hairy as him.
Yes....Liz waxes her pussy....but leaves a landing stip...or maybe more than a landing strip. She is a bit more hairy now as she hasn't had time to wax with the pregnancy nearing it's end. Matters not to me...she still looks and tastes absolutely delicious. Mmmm....yum!
"bonding bodies and souls"--a euphemism for fucking. LOL! He threw the "soul" part in there so women would like it. If he read your profile he must know what you like to do to "pass the time", and what you like to do "for fun". He is hoping to get another answer. At least he is not coming out and asking for it, he is giving you the opportunity to talk sexy first. Why don't you look for someone in your area instead of searching for dudes clear across the country!! Ha ha!He might be bi (lots of bi men in Manhattan) since he doesn't even mention women in his profile. Looks like you may have hit the trifecta: young(er), possible bi, likes sex....he may be the "answer to your prayers" LOL!
Also...he is "seeking" a woman in a higher age range (35-60) as she isn't as interested in marriage (or having kids)...and he likes experienced women who are more confident in bed and have fewer sexual hangups! Bet I'm right!
He wants to have sex, but is not going to come out and proposition you. Sooooooo obvious! LOL! Reeeeeallllly!
LOL " Public hair" , .. Now that was funny. Has Liz let her pubic hair grow back? Is she very hairy when not waxed? I'm pretty sparse with very soft, straight, baby fine hair that is blondish/brownish. For some reason, Tony is turned on by really hairy pussies so he told me not to shave or wax. I've watched enough porn to know that hairless is certainly the trend, and it seems males are doing it now too. As long as a guy isn't overly hairy and jungle like, a little hair doesn't bother me. A guy's chest can be hairless or I like a little hair in the middle but overly hairy borders on a turn off for me. Hairy back! OMG! Complete turn off for every woman I think. No one wants to sleep with a gorilla to my knowledge.
I have a new guy from New York interested in me, and his name is Jon. I love that name and spelled that way as you may know since I suggested 'Jon'athon for your baby. He is in finance and seems real interesting thus far. Here is his profile:
Last Online: Today
Location:New York, New York
Distance:1812 miles away
Age:38, Aries
Height:5 ft. 11 in.
Hair, Eyes:Dark Brown, Hazel
Body:Athletic
Ethnicity:White
Religion:Didn't Say
Politics:Not quite sure
Education:Bachelor's Degree
Income:$75,000 - $125,000
Job:Finance/Economics
Smoke:Don't Smoke
Has Kids:No
Send Message Send Wink Add Friend Add Favorite
Personality
Outgoing, athletic, fun, intelligent, considered attractive, a positive thinker, easy going, at times quiet but never shy, your greatest dream and maybe the answer to your prayers.
Seeking:A woman ages 35 to 60
Interests:bonding bodies & souls candle light dinners cuddling cycling dining in style enjoying life giving back rubs long walks mountain climbing reading romantic getaways romantic love running sailing skiing writing for pleasure
He wrote me this:
Subject: You
Thanks for the wink. I tried to wink back. What is new in New Mexico?
I enjoyed reading your profile. I think you are probably an interesting lady. What do you like to do to pass the time? What do you like to do for fun?
Love, Jon
was "public" hair, perhaps, a Freudian slip? It's actually very private...not for public display!
Glad Tony's feeling better...didn't realize his mini meat balls were the size of large grapes...OMG! Don't think I've ever seen balls that small...and I've seen my share of balls! Well...contrary to popular belief...mine are not all THAT large. Though compared to Tony's they are basketball size. Actually..probably a bit on the larger size...nobody (except for Ellery, apparently) has ever complained about my genitalia--put it that way. Liz liked when my pubic area and part of my scrotum was shaved. She wanted me to shave it all of the time for her. Ummmm...no. I told her she had to deal with the hair as I was not about to take razor to my balls. While I am not all that hairy overall...I have my fair share of public hair. I have never had anyone put both of mine in their mouth at the same time...they would have to have a very big mouth.Liz said it was easier to suck and lick them with less hair and she was able to keep them in her mouth for longer (not sure why...) ...J said that as well...but he can fuck off...I had to deal with that hairy ass, balls and entire furry body ...so he is not one to recommend shaving or waxing to anyone. My balls are no way as hairy as his angora fur scrotum.
Today Liz said to me (during an intimate moment) "Thank you for letting me have this baby." Iw as surprised and Is aid "you need not thank me...I should thank you for forgiving me for everything I did the first time. For not letting you have our first baby. For taking him away from you, from both of us." She only said "you didn't take him away for me...he's right here"....as she patted her belly and then smiled.
Gotta go...
At least you got some free time with her alone. I hope you two didn't have too big of smiles on your faces with that afterglow vibe present. And if your apartment smelled like fresh sex, .. you're dead! haha Daddy will be cleaning up his shotgun and getting it ready for some fresh kill. :)
OMG...you want my cock so badly....I love it!! It's all soft and at ease now and contained in my boxers. He might be up for a little action later...
Liz came by this afternoon....but unfortunately, her over-involved parents decided to accompany her to her Drs. appointment! They are retired and obviously have no hobbies. We ditched them for about 3 hours though....I gave them my credit card and told them to shop for some baby things Liz needed as well as treating them to an early dinner. It worked for about 3 hours. They were afraid of her driving into the city alone being so pregnant...I mean...I guess it is nice that they love her so much and are so concerned with her...but I was hoping she could stay over. :(
Daddy would have been very disapproving had he known what I did with his precious daughter this afternoon while he was out shopping.... ;)
Hi lover boy! Do you have anything big and hard for me? :)
Hi sex pot.
Tony called a little while ago and he is sounding much better voice wise, and seemed up and was joking with me a lot, so his mental state of mind seems much better as well. He said he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep so he stayed up quite awhile. Then he overslept and missed his doctor appt., so will try to make it tomorrow. He started making some meatballs because he wants to have them with spaghetti tonight. I told him to make them the size of his testicles. He tells me, " Oh no, they would be way too small. " haha Swear to God, .. he has the tiniest testicles I have ever come across. No kidding, they are about the size of big grapes! I can put both of them in my mouth at once. From what I hear of yours, I would be hard put to just get one in my mouth and would probably end up with lock jaw! hahaha :)
So what are these wild things that Bea has done? You know I have an open mind and it will probably just turn me on. :) Tell me the difference between these wild European girls compared to American girls ... *-* Which do you prefer ?
I would like to see him and help him out. I'll find out later today when he calls, what this doctor had to say to him. It wouldn't surprise me if he is ordered to check himself into the hospital.
I think you need to go see him. Soon. It's the right thing to do.
Hi, .. I've been doing up bills this morning since I didn't get to it yesterday. I'm very worried about Tony. He has been quite ill since all of last week. It appears he picked up a cold or flu virus and it has made his blood cell counts and everything crash. He watched some movie where a guy had brain cancer and there was some physical symptom that affected the hands in some fashion and he feels he has that same symptom, so now he is worried that maybe he may have a tumor or cancer spreading again through him. He feels like shit and told me he is so sick of being sick, and last night he told me that he thinks he " might be on his way out." I told him to think positive until he hears otherwise and that it is just this viral thing that is making him feel so bad. He has a 2pm appt with his physician today. It is mainly congestion and a cough that he is dealing with and wants to renew a prescription for cough syrup that has codeine in it. He will tell his doctor about any other fears and symptoms he is having. He is more depressed than I have ever seen him, so I hope he gets encouragement and good news of some sort from this visit. I imagine he will be ordered to undergo more tests. I feel so bad for him. I guess I better make a run into town to deposit some money at my bank, and hit the post office. I'll be back later, .. you hot lover boy! How are you feeling today? I know you must be happy since you will get to see Liz and that is good for both of you .... :)
Well, I enjoyed you immensely and needed that. It makes me feel closer to you and the last few days were stressful and had me too busy to self pleasure. It was relaxing, and I had a very intense climax that put me right into dreamland. I must have slept a good hour afterwords. There is nothing I love more than laying my head on a guy's chest after some good loving and falling asleep together for the night with his arm around me. Mmmmmmmmmmmm Your Liz is a very lucky woman indeed. Good night honey, ... sweet dreams. ~~~
Oh God...I was veeeeeery bad. LOL! Sorry 'bout that!
Drew is dating a woman and she knows he is bisexual. He said she is "very cool" with it. This has always been my personal experience as well. Funny that he tells me he has had a luke-warm receptions from some ladies when they learn about his bisexuality...some are not interested in dating when he confesses it. He said he now is not upfront about it and usually waits until 2nd or 3rd date. I told him he needs to tell the female before having sex...even though he knows he is disease free...otherwise, telling them after the first sexual encounter will still upset many women and his delaying may be seen as deceptive. The odd thing is...I am so upfront about it and I mention it always during my initial conversation with a woman. Have never hidden it and it has never been a reason that a woman has not dated me. Now...it has, eventually, contributed to breaking up some of my relationships as my sexuality is a big reason why I never like to commit in a relationship to one person, one gender. Drew definitely likes women as we have talked about this. Well...looks like he is not in my future anymore..but that's okay. I really need to focus on Liz and our baby....I have to stop selfishly thinking of my sexual desires for now. She is coming over tomorrow after her appointment. I hope she is in the mood for sex. She told me today that she feels "really fat"...which isn't a good sign. I know when women don't feel attractive, desirable or at their best...they don't get into having sex. Oh well...
HA ha...Liz has never had a gay relationship. I know she would have shared that with me. She is not a highly social person in that she is not one to go out and party all of the time...she never was that type so her opportunity to meet other ppl is restricted somewhat. She is also very feminine so may not get approached by lesbians. She does not give off a gay or bi vibe. She never asked to see me fucking a dude...but she always asks me to tell her about my past (or current, as the case may be...) exploits with men. She likes to think of me kissing and blowing guys...she gets into that. She gets very turned on by my accounts of my bi sexcapades. She is a naughty little one just like you. ;)
Will finish tomorrow...tired, early bed. No spell ck.
You never have to apologize for talking to me this way because I LOVE IT! I am not lying when I tell you that I was VERY fucking wet when I laid down after stripping my clothes off and prepared my pussy for play by putting a towel under me. My little friend is very powerful and I have to put the towel over my clit and pussy, otherwise it is too intense to take. That makes the vibration just right for me and it feels incredibly good. I was so wet and slick from thinking about you earlier that it really made me want you bad. I did watch a few clips of Trystan and I would sure love to see him go down on a guy. You would think he couldn't resist after having other hard cocks rubbing on him. I saw a new clip I haven't seen before where he is supposedly a step dad and he recruits his 'step son' and his friend into play by the poolside. I'm sure the kids were of age but they did look quite young next to him. I guess fantasy is fantasy and that is how I look at it. I like him better in some of the other clips I've seen. Because Drew is bisexual like you and me, ... I find that more of a turn on than even thinking of Jeffery, though your description of J and his good looks and well endowed body is certainly not a turn off by any means. It is just the thought that Drew might be aroused by me as well whereas J likely would not. I love the total sexuality of a bi guy and yes, it would turn me on something awfully delightful to see you with Drew, but I honestly don't know if I could just watch and withhold from partaking as well. That would be hard to do but if that was the only choice I would still want to watch. I really am a huge voyeur even if what I am watching would make me blush ten shades of red, and it just might. I would definitely desire to be with you alone afterwords and I would want you to make love to me like there was no tomorrow. Does Drew have a steady girlfriend? If so, does she know he is bi? I wonder if she might be bi? NOW I am REALLY starting to fantasize, oh my. :) I feel like putting a bumper sticker on my car that says: .. Bi's have more fun! :) Honey, along with the amorous desire I have for you, there would also be so much fire and passion and emotion involved as well, but I'm sure you already know that. Sometimes I really ache to be with you, but I do find solace in knowing you have found such a good and classy lady to satisfy your needs and to comfort you. As amorous and pretty as she is, I am surprised she doesn't have other ladies hitting on her. To your knowledge, has that ever happened to her and if so, how did she handle it? Has she ever had the desire to watch you with another guy? It seems to turn her on. You hinted awhile back that Bea has a wild past. Did she have wild fetishes like S&M, bondage, or was she ever an escort? Forgive me for asking and I would not judge her if she ever was. I just figure it has to be something really wild if she feels she cannot confide in Karl. You know me, I'm just curious .... :)
P.S. I sure wish right this moment I could kiss you deeply, look into your beautiful eyes, and make love to you in a candlelit room with Brian singing ' Sleeping With Ghosts.'
" Soul mates never die " ~~~
Naughty, dirty bad girl. I am going to have to tie you up and spank you. You are being far too naughty....
Mmmmmmm...you wish I was there you say? Why?... so I could fuck you hard and make that wet pussy finally get the fucking thrill she has been craving for from my cock?
With my long cock wedged deep in your swollen pink pussy lips...oh you would love it baby. You are turning me into such a bad boy...I don't have J here anymore to fuck when I get like this....and I have a pregnant girlfriend who is not close by so I am not getting my daily dose of sex....I have to satisfy myself most days.
Yes...I would love for Drew to suck on my live cock...I would shove it so far down his throat and make him gag...dudes love that...then I would come in his mouth when he least expects it and he would then turn around and have me suck his thick cock...I love to suck cock...mmmmmmm...I so love big, raw cock in my mouth. So sorry that I am so fucking horny...got to take care of myself...poor Liz is going to be disappointed that she isn't here...she loves when I talk dirty about sucking cock and then get really horny and then ram my cock down her throat and then her pussy...it makes her cum faster...how about you? Tell me how much you would like that baby? Never had 2 people sucking me simultaneously....but I love when women or men suck hard on my balls...so hard that it begins to ache...makes my hot cum load more abundant...feels so fucking good, baby...
gotta go....ohhh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.........
You have inspired me to watch a few minutes of Tristan and then I'm off to my bedroom to give my pussy some much needed play and attention. Wish you were here. I mean that. I REALLY wish you were here because I fucking love you and wish I could show you just how much. :o
Ohhhhh my God. What you do to me and 'her'. My little kitty is aching to be played with very baaaaaaadly. Jamie is thankfully at work till 5pm so it is playtime for my now very moist, slick and wet pussy. Ohhhh how I wish you could lick and suck on her. I would open my legs as wide as possible for you to explore and get to my little honey haven where you could dip your tongue in for some nectar. My God it is hard to sit here and type now because 'she' is wanting me to play with her and that tingle feeling is only increasing while I think about you and that rock hard cock of yours that would feel sooooo good inside me. I wish I could watch you and Drew together because that would be so incredibly hot to watch and feel the heat between you two. Part of me wants you to get together with him because I know he wants to suck your cock really bad. Well, so do I. The two of us could make you feel sooooo good. Have you ever had two people down there at the same time so you can get your balls and your cock sucked on at the same time? Just curious ..... :)
Hola. I just don't check here as often because you tend to post less too...so I have been checking only once or twice per day. I think you said you have been commissioned yourself to bed rest as well so assumed you wee not on line much...until Is aw you post on rickey's page.
Let's see...Megan has not been in touch...but I need to call her as I promised a bout a week or so ago that I would. Oops! Will later today I guess.
I think Liz wishes to name the baby after her father which is fine by me. I told her I do not care about the name...all superficial to me. She can name the little guy whatever she pleases. She wants to see what he looks like first...and then she said she will decide. I assume he will be given my last name or hers...I didn't ask. Fine either way with me. She will go back to her maiden name after her divorce becomes final. Maybe the child will have both of our names...hers as a middle, mine as a last? Just a guess. I would not be averse if she gave him her last name...it's only a name..no big deal. I don't really care at all as long as she doesn't give him some weird or outlandish first name that will guaranty bullying. Bro would probably not like the baby having his name...he would probably say something in the order of "that's my name. He should have his own name." No worries about Dan throwing him down the stairs...he says stupid and impulsive things when he feels threatened or stressed. He tries to get a reaction. When I calmly informed him that if he really feels that way I may have to put him in a 1/2 way house...and if he followed through I would have no choice but to have him thrown in jail...he changed his tune pretty quickly telling me he "just said that" to get me scared. However, I promised Liz that if she and baby stay with us at all (including moving in...which has not been determined or even seriously discussed at this juncture), then the baby can sleep with us in my california king, lots of room. I told her I will place him right between us on the bed and deal with the crying (ear plugs).
Her husband was okay...no pressure....but told her he would take her back if she changed her mind. He wants to avoid a long court battle (he has already endured 2). She feels sad that he still has feelings for her. They were separated briefly before she became pregnant with his second child (2 years ago?) hen she discovered he was still unfaithful. Back then...he refused to sign the separation papers...but this time he has. There is a lot of information and I don't have time to relay even a little bit right now as I will probably go on and on and I have a meeting soon. Later...
J is well. We talk about every other day and we end the conversation by saying "I love you." I feel okay about it because he knows the score and he is not pushing me. He is even beginning to think about dating again (trust me...he has no shortage of prospects).
Drew began calling me again. He is so nice...hard for me to avoid him. We had a rather steamy conversation the other day. He knows everything about my life. Everything. Left nothing out. Toward the end of our conversation he told me he wanted to get naked with me and watch me jerk off and cum ....and he wants me to spray my load on his cock ......and then he'll take his turn and spray on my chest. Oh man...I am having a hard time being strong...but I think starting something new so close to Liz delivering...it seems wrong. It just does. So I told him no. He said we didn't have to fuck or even have oral sex...just masturbate together. I said "sorry dude. You are very hot, but I can't do this to her." He just said "okay. I'm sorry."
So how is Tony?IS he interested in that luscious wet pussy of yours or is he still not feeling up to it (yes...pun intended...)? Does he want to lick it as much as I do?
Good morning Michael, .. I hope your day is off to a good start. I'm still a bit gimpy and achy but feeling a bit of an improvement. I need to run to the bank and do up some bills today. Nothing exciting going on. I might go for a little drive out to my canyon and try walking but I don't think I can do too much yet since my knee is still in pain. A storm is moving in from the north and temps are going to drop. Denver is suppose to get a lot of snow. How are you feeling?
LOL Now that is very odd! Did you check with Jeffery to see if he also fell? hahahaha I am relieved to hear that she will be okay and especially little Jonathon. You know what? I had a thought earlier that you should name your baby Jonathon Daniel G. Think how happy and proud Daniel would be if he knows you named the baby after him! It would help him bond to Jon and that way he won't want to throw him down the stairs! :)
"fell" not "felt"....
Oh no....is one of your dogs certified "seeing eye"? I think you may need one. This is strange...so very strange. don't even want to tell you...but I shall. Liz was in town again yesterday shopping for some things...hospital nighties, last minute baby clothing, etc. Anyway...she told me that she tripped over an errant clothing hanger strewn across the floor in the middle of Sak's....or one of the other stores, can't recall exactly which one....and she fell pretty hard and had to go to the hospital (because of the pregnancy). Turns out she is fine...just badly bruised. So very odd...you both felt the same day. She bruised and cut her left wrist from trying to break the fall and also badly bruised her knee and hip. Twisted her wrist as well so has a splint. Poor baby. Luckily the little guy is just fine. He is protected as they can bounce around in the fluid. What an odd coincidence....now don't get all psychic on me....
Later...
Hi honey, .. Well, I didn't know that holding a yard sale could be so dangerous to one's health. As you know, I also went Sunday with it and even though there were fewer people that showed up, it proved to be worthwhile as it rid me of more stuff and brought me a few hundred dollars more. However, I had an accident while running for my phone I took outside with me. I am so in the habit of rushing because of that first answering machine I had, that I turned too quickly and tripped over a double decker pie holder I had on my driveway for sale. I toppled over it and landed on my hands, knees, and stomach on the hard rough cement. I broke off the cute little decorative bird at the top of it. May I say it was klutzmania at its finest! LOL Lucky for me, no one was around to see it or capture it on film. I'm sure it would have gone viral with a million or more hits on the internet. hahaha Rickey would have posted it for sure as one of his funny clips. I am a hurting unit this morning with a strawberry abrasion that drew blood on the top of my left foot, a bruised and very sore right knee and right wrist, and my back is extremely sore and achy from lifting MANY heavy boxes and items that I really had no business lifting, but Jamie had to work so I had no choice. Yesterday went very late as well. I posted on Craig's List that it would go until 2 pm, however I got calls from a couple of guys that wanted to come look at my table saw, radial saw, and the other boy toys I had. By the time I shoved everything left to the sides of my garage so I could pull my car in, it was getting dark. I still had to pick up the three signs I made and put in my neighborhood to advertise my sale. This is the first yard sale I have ever done and I wish I could say it will be my last, but I still have a lot of stuff I need to sale and get rid of that is too valuable to just give away so I need to have one more. I didn't have time to sort through everything in the shop yet so once I do that, there will be more stuff to sale. I have a huge tool credenza I want to sale. I will probably get another foot smashed trying to haul that out of there. haha I was hurting so bad and moving so slow last night that I had no desire to do anything but lay down and get the heating pad on my knee. I fell asleep at 10pm and didn't wake till this morning. I am still feeling very stiff and achy and am guessing I will be spending most of my day in bed resting and mending. I sure missed you but felt too out of it to even turn on my computer to check for emails and messages.
It is so good that you and Jeffery can still remain close to each other, and it has to take a lot of will power on your part to not sleep with J. for his own good. I think you're doing the right thing because he needs the encouragement to find another totally gay guy like himself so he can find a lasting and loving relationship for himself. I have the feeling he sees you as his true love though, so I doubt he will find someone else for quite a long time. I don't think he is ready to give up on you and is hoping for a miracle to get you back. If not, he will settle for whatever he can have of you. Kind of sad since you two are so compatible.
So what is going on with Liz's husband ? Did he try to get her back? Is it going to get messy with the divorce? How many houses and properties do they own?
Is Megan still trying to urge you to see her?