I like it. The pace and the immediate grab appeal to me. I agree that it is somewhat overwritten, being a confessed verbosity freak, that does not deter me from reading on. I would recommend critically reading some early Spillane or Heinlein action novels as an example of gut-wrenching scene setting with a minimum of typing.
I also think some foreshadowing of upcoming revelations would help to move the reader along and keep the pacing speed while revealing background and motivations.
I would like to see more of this and would be interested in reading this story.
I like it. The pace and the immediate grab appeal to me. I agree that it is somewhat overwritten, being a confessed verbosity freak, that does not deter me from reading on. I would recommend critically reading some early Spillane or Heinlein action novels as an example of gut-wrenching scene setting with a minimum of typing.
I also think some foreshadowing of upcoming revelations would help to move the reader along and keep the pacing speed while revealing background and motivations.
I would like to see more of this and would be interested in reading this story.