Old habits die hard! LOL Don't even know why I'm here. Gotta get pleasantly use to emails and phone calls from you now. *sigh* Goodbye Rickey's ....
P.S. Speaking of which, I just left you an email and I hope you still plan to call me tonight as planned. Loving you as always, .. Storm XOX
Old fart - 13 years ago
LOL...it is all clear now. Not to worry. Thanks for the e-mails too...that is definitely a better way to communicate. I am all but giving up this board and Idol anyway, as we talked about last night. Can't wait for Simon's XFactor. Will be nice to see him and Paula. Remember back when on this board people were wondering if --Paula Abdul was indispensable on Idol--? The show craps now and has since her exit so I guess the answer may be 'yes'.
Later ....
Storm - 13 years ago
For my sweet babe on this very special day, ' From The Beginning ' by Emerson, Lake, & Palmer. This world is such a better place because you are in it. " You were meant to be here. " And with me very soon! ;)
I loved our conversation on the phone last night. You are absolutely everything I knew you would be. I'm so glad we can communicate that way now .... and leave this behind. I love you, .. Sherlock
Storm - 13 years ago
YES !!! I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME !! I WANT YOU TO COME SEE ME !! :) I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE. I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF YOU !! Call me so we can plan it, there is more I want to tell you but can only say over the phone. Private info, say no more here ... I love you baby, .... SHERLOCK
Ugh! - 13 years ago
Not true. You must tell me what you want...exactly...then I'll call you. Don't you mislead or dick me around anymore, no more cock teasing. If you choose not to come to me--TELL ME. Be honest and I shall understand and abide by your wishes. Cut the shit. If you want me to come out--tell me. Be honest with me. If we are to meet definitively, only then shall I will call you. If you back out on me after I call you...I shall never forgive you. Last chance. Honesty please. Either you want me to make love to you...or you don't. It's pretty simple. YES or NO.......
"If you love me, say you love me...but if you don't just let me go...."
Storm - 13 years ago
Give me a call tonight lover boy, ... it's the only way. I love you, .. Storm
XOX
Storm - 13 years ago
When would you be able to come here and for how long ? I'm terribly sorry Michael but this might be the best answer.
Storm - 13 years ago
The truth means losing him and for good. There is no way he would understand this, and he has also offered as of recently to pay for my coming to see him. He works in midtown Manhattan. I didn't sleep at all well the night before last because of what he did, and last night he talked to me until 11:30pm my time then I was so tired that I went to bed and slept good until 2:30am which is when Jamie got home and then my kids were restless and wanting out, so then I found myself wide awake and unable to sleep anymore, so I got up and laid on a chaise lounger on my patio so I could star gaze. It was really a beautiful night with a slight crescent moon and the Milky Way right above me. I saw a couple of meteors skimming our atmosphere. The sound of my waterfall and my frogs croaking and crickets singing was soothing. I stayed out there for a couple of hours thinking hard about what to tell him. Couldn't come up with anything. If I tell him I am going to visit a friend, he will insist on details. I'm screwed .... Let me keep thinking about this.
How was your evening w/ Jeffery? Did you go to the party?
sigh.... - 13 years ago
No answer from you yet...predictable. LOL...guess the truth is not an option for you. Stop the excuses,make a decision and stop looking for reasons (Tony) to back out once again. If it is too hard for you to come to me...I can come there...though w/ my travel schedule and work commitments, brother, etc. it is more difficult. But if that means you being home for Tony's call...then I suppose it is all worth it. HE certainly is controlling you now isn;t he? LOL. Decide.
huh? - 13 years ago
Ideas? Sure yes...what about the truth. Always works for me.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi babe, .. I need to talk to Jamie and Missy which I will do tomorrow and just make sure Jamie won't be house sitting at his dad's during that time and Missy is agreeable which I know she will be. The biggest problem now is Tony! Everything is back to normal between us and he calls every single day multiple times. How am I going to explain my absence? Especially after what just happened. I know you would like me to blow him off, but there is a very good side to him and we enjoy each other. If you could help me brainstorm that would be great. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose him. I know you will be cringing when I say that but I do feel love for him. Those dates sound fine but I need to figure this out first. Let me sleep on it tonight and see if I can think of something. Right now my mind is blank on coming up with anything he would believe and I hate lying to him. I hope I can think of something. Any ideas?
correction..... - 13 years ago
I think it's "Glinda" the Good Witch...not "Gilda". LOL!
M - 13 years ago
Tried to hold off but cannot. I must respond to your post re: Tiny....errrr...I mean 'Tony'. Ummm...you say ..." when conflict arises it is best to communicate and try to explain yourself..." So, let's see...conflict arose because you did not answer the phone when he called. So because of that, he sent you a message saying he blocked you and would not talk to you or communicate with you anymore because you were not sincere in your declaration of affection toward him. So, this is based on the fact that you did not pic up the phone when it rang. Hmmmm...do ya think this is a tad controlling? Irrational? Scare, perhaps? LOL! I think this guy is a control freak extraordinaire and you are making excuses for him. You dare have issues with me? My God, of course I am worried about you. How could I NOT be? He is alone for good reason...okay? Not too hard to figure out.
Please let me know ASAP if the 5th-11th works still. I know you seemed wide open with dates, especially with Gilda the Good Witch at your disposal...but beforeI make it official, I need to know or I'll lose the tickets.. I have many frequent flier miles to set up a very nice flight for you...but I have to do it very soon. Do please let me know. If you'd like to stay longer that is fine too...we'll figure out
M - 13 years ago
J was not actually serious about proposing. He knows me better than that. Marriage is not something that is necessary to sustain a relationship (I feel this way and I know he does) and I am certainly not there with him anyway. ...in fact, I believe the institution of marriage can actually contribute to the dissolution of a relationship. But...that's just my opinion.
J and I are going to a dinner with his friends and then maybe stop by a get together (party, of sorts) that another of his friends is having. He told me there would be plenty of single, attractive women there...and his preference is that I do not flirt or come on to anyone (women) who is connected to his work or while I ma with him. I thought that was fair. I wouldn't anyway. I have more love interests than I can handle...J, Liz, Megan and now you since you finally agreed to see me . I wasn't sure if you were really interested since you seem to only agree when I got upset and it is not my wish nor my desiree to pressure you. I asked J today when he is expected to come back again. I will be gone 29 June--2 July. J is planning to come on the 2nd as well and be here until Monday the 4th and fly back to DC very early morning of July 5. So, if you can come on July 5 or 6 and stay until July 11 or for as long as you like...that would work well. J says he will try to come home again on the 15th-16th weekend. On July 13 and 14 I am at a conference in the city so would be busy from 8:00 am until 8:00 pm and not able to pay much attention to you. so, I think, since you asked me, the dates of July 5 through 11th work best. I need to know so I can arrange your flight and you can stay with me at my place, or I can book you a nice hotel room close to me (and visit as much as possible), whatever makes you feel comfortable. Let me know about the dates. Let me know what you want to do. No pressure.
Storm - 13 years ago
Jeepers Michael, .. just because I explain to him what I was doing means you're gonna lose respect for me? It is my belief when conflict arises, it is best to try to communicate and explain yourself. What could possibly be wrong with that? He is at least up front with admitting he has trust issues with women, so we start from that, and I try to reassure him that I have not betrayed him and that my not answering the phone was because I was in the backyard. I hold great affection for him and I enjoy him so I don't think I deserve to lose your respect because of that. I told you I will be wary of his behavior and keep an eye on whatever else develops w/ him. He has treated me very good Michael up to that episode. I think he deserves another chance and this is all part of the process of learning how to trust and get along with each other, especially when conflict arises.
Wish I could be the little fly on your wall when you get it on w/ Jeffery. Uh oh, there's that little voyeur in me coming out. Enjoy babes, you both deserve some fun and relaxation.
ha ha! - 13 years ago
No marriages for me, if possible. That includes, especially, gay marriage.
Pathetic is as pathetic does - 13 years ago
He is controlling you and you are enabling it. YOU are the one to blame at this point for whatever transpires from here on. You asked for it. Let's all sit back and all witness history repeating itself. Jeesh--have you no self-respect? Why do you have to grovel and kowtow to the likes of him? He will keep on doing it and you deserve it, at this point. How dense can you be? I don't have an issue w/ you giving that loser a 2nd chance...but to explain yourself and try to convince him of your innocence is simply pathetic. No wonder why he doesn't respect you...I no longer do. Who the hell would? I know this is worded strongly so apologies, in advance, for pissing you off.
I am waiting for J to come home from work so I can enjoy a day in bed with someone who treats me with respect. Try it sometime.....
Storm - 13 years ago
Haha Sorry, .. I didn't see your texting back and forth until I just posted. Did he get in last night? I take it as a yes! So happy for you darling. He just proposed to you! Would you ever consider sealing the deal w/ him if things w/ Liz don't work out?
Storm - 13 years ago
Good Lord! Do you remember that married next door neighbor of mine that tried to get cozy with me last year? Well, he came over earlier this morning bringing one of my water frogs back over to me that had somehow escaped my yard into his. He brought his very pretty and adorable granddaughter over w/ him so she could see my ponds, fish and waterfall and I'm sure they were hoping to see the two red glider water turtles they gave me, but they were in hiding. He just showed back up at my door alone and brought me some plastic tubing for my swamp cooler because I told him I was going to have to replace my copper tubing that runs water from my faucet over to the cooler since it developed a few leaks. Before he left I could feel the vibe he was gonna try to hug me a bunch again and I tried to keep a distance from him, but of course he walked over to me and gave me an uncomfortable tight hug and then he tried to kiss me! I turned my head away and told him, " PJ, I can't do that, .. you're married! And I like your wife, she's a good woman. " He then said, " I know, .. I'm sorry. " Geez! That was awkward and now I feel very uncomfortable around him. He and his family have been very good to me and they're good neighbors. He has helped me out a few times with advice or helped with my cooler or lighting my furnace. I sure hope he gets the picture now ...
Well, Tony called me about an hour ago and I'm glad he did. I told him I was innocent of any wrong doing and explained again what happened. He admitted he has serious trust issues with women. I asked him, " Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me? " And he said, " Well, I don't know. " I tried to reassure him that I love him and that those two guys mean nothing to me and that if he wanted, I'd drop them. He admitted that it wouldn't be fair of him to expect that of me when he has female friends he keeps in contact with. I told him I would rather do that if it means losing him. He said he sees things as black and white with no gray, to which I declared once again, " But I'm innocent! I was just in my backyard taking care of my dog. " He was silent for a few seconds, then he told me he was on his way back up to Albany and Troy so he could retrieve a few items of importance from the storage locker where he still has his parent's belongings stored. He has inherited around a hundred various stocks from his aunt and time shares in Florida, Vegas, and Hawaii from his parents. I asked him if he would restore me on the date site and he said he would think about it on the way back home. I told him to call me later because we need to talk about this some more and we ended the conversation saying our customary I love you's and a kiss to each other. I feel certain he will call again and I know you won't be happy with this, but I would like to work through this. I enjoy talking with him and I care immensely about him. I'll let you know what develops. Not to worry babe, your words have not fallen on deaf ears. I am not dismissing any advice you've given me, but I don't want to be at odds with him, especially over something so small as this misunderstanding was. I will keep a keen watch for any other red flags that may pop up about him.
Is Jeffery on his way home? I'm so happy for you! When was the last time you saw him?
getting steamy in here.....latest texts - 13 years ago
Detained, but leaving in 10 min. Can't wait to lick that rock hard ass again. Love you babe.
Jefferson
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan at Zara's so we are alone until 5:00. come home hard and horny and ready to give it to me. Strip naked in the foyer, then join me in the bdrm. That's an order. ;)
Ha ha---see my latest text from my gay lover! - 13 years ago
Babe- what a homecoming! You really missed me, you weren't fooling, left you whilst u were snoring! So peaceful & handsome and your dick looked happy 2!I am in office til 3 or 4 and then the weekend is ours. So much grand fucking and sucking and love to deliver to you. Marriage equality now legal here babe. Say the word and I'll rock yours 4 ever. Love u so fucking much I am dizzy with passion. fuck work, am leaving now--get ready.
You hear one side of the story with regard to his wife. His behavior is abhorrent, cowardly and insecure. He got to thinking about these guys and got jealous. I don't trust him. He is a loser. I will bet he mistreated his wife (she may have mistreated him as well...) and YOU ARE ONLY HEARING ONE SIDE. He is most certainly sexist if not a full blown misogynist. I cannot tell you how many seemingly 'good guys' tell me how their wives screwed them and had them arrested, etc. It is not that easy to do in NY or NJ in these highly populated and regulated state. You cannot just get someone arrested on your word. This one dude with whom I worked was telling me these horror stories about his x wife spreading scurrilous lies about him to his kids...using him for his money, and then having him arrested when they got into a fight because he says she fabricated that he hit her...when she was the one who hurt him. Anyway...I thought it odd his kids didn't like him...let's face it...if he were a good father, he would have a relationship w/ them. Period. Well, this guy began dating a female at work...a younger, pretty receptionist. Within a few months she was at work with a bruised eye. Then to find out, he was physically harming her....and was emotionally abusive, jealous, controlling...all of the things he accused his wife of being. He was arrested, fired, the gf took him to court. My point is...nobody EVER would have guessed this nice, generous guy was an emotionally abusive and physical abusive prick. It is not a grand leap from jealous, controlling, emotionally manipulative boyfriend to abuser. Your groveling phone calls and letters were the last thing this dick deserved. The handwriting is on the wall. Yup...he was jealous that you talked with other guys...and he was inferring that one of them were the one whom you were speaking with when you did not answer his call. His lack of sexual functioning is probably making him insecure. you should tell him "Tony, if you want an exclusive relationship, tell me. it's a 2 way street...but we both have to abide."
You may not believe it now...but you are much better off w/out him. It was a matter of time. these guys are charming at first...and probably not totally bad...he does have his good points and he even tries to be a good person. But I am not at all surprised at his irrational and controlling behavior, sorry to say...
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi Michael, .. Thank you VERY much for your input. This hit me like a brick in the face when he pulled this on me. He knows I usually get Bo out to run around 6pm, but I fell asleep around 5pm and when I awoke it was 8pm! I couldn't believe I slept for 3 hours. He called around 8:20 and I didn't think of taking the phone out w/ me because he usually calls later than that. We had talked earlier several times and a discussion started about all these women that contact him on the date site which are many all the time. One in particular is a lady from Germany that wanted to skype w/ him which he won't do and she has the hots bad for him and sends him kiss icons all the time. I know this because it shows the gifts he receives from women and it is constant. I told him she really has the hots for him and told him one word of encouragement from him and she will show up at his door. He said she can't because she doesn't know his address and he says she is way over in Germany. I told him there is such a thing as an airplane. I asked him if he flirts w/ her and he said no, that he just talks to her normally as a friend. I know I am the only one he talks to on the phone and I know because it shows me that he only checks his mail on that site usually once a week so that tells me there is no one he is seriously interested in. He says the women even get mad at him for not responding more often. He deletes most of them. I told him once that when he takes his profile down, then I will take mine down. He just says he can't because he has friends with illnesses on there that he supports and talks to. He has had his profile on there for 2 or 3 yrs. I decided to share w/ him that I only have two guys currently that I talk to ( John Cline being one of them and now a new one who moved here from Colorado) He immediately said they are trying to get in my pants and I told him that what they may want and what they will get are two separate things. He always claims that he just talks to these ladies as friends and I proved to him that is what I am doing w/ these guys by reading him some of my correspondence w/ them. And the irony is, we made love over the phone yesterday afternoon for the first time as he finally seems to have his sex drive back. The only other time since he has been back was one time during his shingles when he did it just for me but he said he was in too much pain to participate himself. So, the last we talked yesterday that is what just happened and we were both very happy and it was left that he would call me back later, which of course led to this unexpected behavior. As soon as I put Bo away I came in and discovered his message. Tried sending one back w/ explanation and that is when I discovered he already blocked me and removed me as his friend so my message didn't go through. I then tried calling him 3 or 4 times and explained on those messages and he hasn't called back. I then wrote him a letter immediately w/ explanation, threw a stamp on it and made a trip into town to mail it last night. I didn't put my return address for fear he would throw it in the trash without reading. I can't believe he wouldn't even give me the courtesy of explaining myself and dissed me so quickly! We never fight, not even once. Only time before was his jealousy of you and he canceled his trip the first time. I am sure he doesn't know you and I are talking again, it has to be these two guys that have him feeling insecure. Well, I'm leaving it be. I've made my effort and the ball is in his court. If I mean so little to him that he does this with no sensible reason, then I'm letting him go with no further fight to get him back. I will admit to you honey that he has a big mistrust of women and a resentment of them because of what his ex and the court system has put him through which has been hell. I was hoping to show him that not all women are bad. If he doesn't respond within a few days, then he is in my past.
M - 13 years ago
AND if you call him and leave him a vm--DO NOT PLEAD,BEG OR SOUND UPSET! Remember...be confused as to his message like it has you puzzled because you do not understand it. Make him feel like the overreacting jerk that he is. Simply remark that you thought he trusted you. BE CALM on the other line too. But...I would advise ignore ing the prick...or opening a new date account. How hard could that be?
got cut off - 13 years ago
member."
AND DO NOT tell him that you have been crying or how upset you are. Act all confused , bewildered and astonished by his behavior because you thought the 2 of you "had trust and that he loved you." Reacting in the manor he wants (pleading, begging, seeming heartbroken and upset with out-of-control emotions) will only cause him too become more stubborn and repeat this in the future. He will repeat it anyway...because that is who he is. Good luck ...
M - 13 years ago
Why is he acting this way? Because he is exactly what I thought he was...a controlling jerk. Why you are more interested in him than this other guy John, who seems intelligent and decent is completely beyond me. You sure know how to pick 'em. Stop looking for losers to save!!! Tony is a loser. I'm sorry to say this. Maybe he is a hard worker and financially responsible...but he is not someone who will treat you well, as he is probably not fully capable. He obviously has many deep insecurities and is very sexist toward women and has anger toward the female gender....don't have to be Freud to figure that one out. Get closer to this dude and, I am afraid, he will bring you misery. He has, among other maladies, "little man's syndrome." You are being punished for caring about him...that is how these people work.
It is controlling and immature and childish for him to figuratively stamp his feet and tell you he is breaking it off because you don't care enough about him because you didn't pick up the phone when he called???? Like...you are supposed to sit by the phone just for him? and then tell you he is ignoring you. What is he...8 years' old? Not only do I question his psychological health.... I would question anyone who would make fanatical statements about women as he did...and you let it go unquestioned. THIS is showing how much resect he has for you. It is a wake up call. However....if you are really that depressed over this jerk...you are smart enough outsmart him (so are your dogs, most likely) why not open another account through the date site and send him a message. Two can play at his head games. Don't beg, don't plead....don't kowtow to him don't write stupid shit like---"all I ever gave you was love and tried to add light to your life...." which is also a form of desperate pleading. DO NOT defend yourself or say "I swear I was out feeding the dogs...you must believe me!!" THAT is all these losers need to continue their emotionally abusive games. . HE IS CONTROLLING AND DANGEROUS AND A DICK WAD! However, if you must send him something, Say something like this:
Dear Tony, You made me open a new account to communicate with you. I am so confused! I thought you really loved me and cared about me as much as I do you. Why would you block me, of all people? I thought we had a relationship built on trust and yet you have blocked me! I have no idea what could have happened! I am deeply confused so please clear up the confusion. I was waiting for your call all day and had to take my dog outside. Why would you do this to me if you love me? Is everything okay? Love, the Sap
NOT that I think he deserves any response from you ...because if his psychotic, immature, games work and he talks to you again....you will forever be waiting for the next irrational reaction and feel as if you are walking on glass. Why must you always thrive in psychologically abusive relationships? I am sure it bothers him that you have not removed your profile. Has he removed his? Maybe you two should have an agreement. Not to seem paranoid....but do you think he discovered this place where we are chatting? that would make sense if he were jealous. Any chance of that? Even a remote one?
Some other things obvious to me is his change since he returned from NM...his sudden illness (shingles does not linger in the system that long, even in the immune deficient) and how you don't do phone sex...oops! I mean "making love" on the phone anymore...etc. I think he wanted to see if his dick finally worked again after the illness, treatments, etc and he is disappointed....and he feels inferior as a man and the fact that you still accept him and love him makes him feel a resentment toward you...you know his inadequacies and some men, many men, have a hard time handling that (especially as it relates to sexual dysfunction) ....so he is punishing you. Sort of like the Woody Allen mantra "I don't want to belong to a club where they would have me as a
Storm - 13 years ago
JESUS !! Tony just broke up with me because he just tried calling me when I was outside taking care of Bo and he thinks I must have been on the other line talking to someone else, yet he said it went to my answer machine. He left me this note on Datehookup and so I wrote him back explaining and it wouldn't go through because he blocked me! I just tried calling him twice and left him messages but he isn't calling me back. I did nothing wrong! My gosh, why is he acting this way???
goldengiant
online now!
6/24 8:47 PM
Hi, just tried calling ya.......twice and went to answering machine so I figured that you are talking with someone from here or there........I will not be calling ya anymore being that you may feel one way, but react another.......so wish you luck of happiness in your adventures of doing what you know what you would like to do........I want to thank you for everything and really trying to make me believe I was the one and only when all along I knew sometime would come when the truth will come to light........I will no longer answer your messages nor bother you on the phone, so please don't try cause I will ignore everything..........Wish you the best and hope someday you will find someone you are truly compatiable with........you will always be in my thoughts.......
Storm - 13 years ago
Anybody who has been with you falls madly in love with you Michael and wants to stay with you so I am guessing it will be the same with me. I'm just a little scared of getting hurt. That can hurt like hell you know ... Maybe I am being selfish and I haven't considered your feelings enough. I'm terribly sorry for that. I am in a mildly good situation at the moment having Missy around to help take care of my house and dogs. Jamie is gone so much and can be a bit spacey so I feel ill at ease trusting him to water everything and taking proper care of 4 dogs. Missy is much more responsible and trustworthy with doing things right I feel. Her bf has a house and two dogs somewhat near me, maybe 5 to 8 miles from here and she learned yesterday that he is leaving at 3am this coming morning for a job in San Diego that will last around a month. She was asked by him to stay at his house and take care of his dogs, but she told me she could pop in here to check on my dogs and ponds as well. Sooooo, if I was to come visit you lover boy, how long would you like me there and when? Let's at least talk about this and consider it, okay? Do you know what days in July that J will be home and which ones not?
correction to above^ - 13 years ago
s/b 'easily", not "easy."
M - 13 years ago
Ana and I are fine...we will not date again and I will not have sex with her...we are friends and in a good place...but I never led her to believe that we had something lasting. We knew each other for a very short time before we became intimate and we knew it was not something that was going to be enduring...or last for the long run. She helped me at a time when I needed someone...when nobody else was there for me...including when you made your bull shit selfish excuses as to why you could not be with me. She holds no ill will toward me...so stop acting like she is waiting n the wings. If, for some reason, I offered my heart to her...she may take it...but she does not expect it. You are looking for reasons to keep me at bay and I am sick of it. Waiting until I am free? Well, you may have a long wait. And how selfish is that? Do you really think I would even give you a chance then, like I have, when you didn't trust me and refused to take a chance on me...but are only willing when you feel comfortable because you think you'll have what you want from me....no so-called competition? That is so selfish and against what you say you feel from me. Love? That's not love....that is you and only you wanting to meet your own needs. thanks a lot.You think love comes without risk? Please! Anything worth having is never attained easy. Fool you are!
Get real! - 13 years ago
You are so selfish. You care about your feelings only. I'll say it again.... you are a cock tease. Your post above proves it. All you care about is yourself and your stupid, childish self-absorbed fear of supposedly 'getting hurt" --give me a break. You are not 19. I don't give a shit about what has happened to you in the past...move on. I AM NOT AN ASSHOLE. I DO NOT MISTREAT WOMEN. I DO NOT HURT PEOPLE. Stop being so self-absorbed, pitiful and immature. You think only of yourself, self-preservaton and your own needs and feelings. How selfish. Not mad...just disappointed at what you have become. You are a liar and you deceive yourself. Prove me wrong. Go ahead. You can't.....all I hear coming from you is pathetic self-pity and frankly, I've had my fill. with you. You are playing with me and I do not like it! You are boringly self-absorbed and predictable. I will NEVER call you. I gave you so many fucking chances and all you care about is YOU. You treat me like shit...what the fuck did I do to deserve your constant 'cockteasery'?
Storm - 13 years ago
Babe, .. You might want to pay special attention to her wording which reveals where her head is and her thought process. She thanked you for the "affection." And yes, that is what it was, some affection but it has a slight different meaning to her than probably to you. She still loves you and is looking for any opportunity to get more "affection" out of you and to deepen it into a full blown relationship with the hope she can get you to love her back. This is only natural and I can't blame her for that, but like J mentioned, .. if you don't want to go in that direction then best you leave her alone for now or she will get hurt no matter how much you warn her otherwise. The very next visit will be full blown sex, I guarantee it. I hope you are keeping a few raincoats with you at all times and never trust what a woman tells you dear heart. You will be seeing Ana soon most likely and maybe you should hold off on any other ladies for now until you are sure of the direction your life is headed in and you know what you want. It's not like you don't have anyone or a sexual release. You still have J as a constant in your life.
You ask me why I still hesitate on coming to see you. Michael, it has ALWAYS been your heart I am after, .. and everything attached to that. I have never in my life been after a man for just sex. Am I old fashion? Maybe so. If any man has EVER made me tempted to go for just that, .. it is you! My God I want you BADDDDDDD! But I am already in love with you so it would be for more than that anyway, .. at least that is what you would be receiving from me. Heart, mind, emotions, and spirit, .. all showered upon and given to you if we are lovers. It is not that I would demand that back in return because all that has to be freely given and felt. Either it is there in both people or it isn't, and your heart already belongs to J, Liz, and maybe Ana? My chances of being in your heart aren't looking too good right now and I don't want to get hurt, nor do I want to further complicate your life right now Michael when you are struggling for a direction to go in. When the dust settles a bit, I would like to see where the pieces fall and if your baby survives and you end up back with Liz. She is the one who truly has your heart. I cannot in my mind give up on seeing you. I don't want to and I just can't and I want you to know that when the day comes that you REALLY need me, .. then I will come to you and be there for you.
M - 13 years ago
Yes...you are correct. I assume that the mutual masturbation and the lack of mutual sexual contact will not stay at bay for long. It's only human nature. I had to muster up the strength and fortitude to hold back yesterday. When I came over to her to help her with her 2nd orgasm when she was still not fully sated....I was still naked and could feel myself growing hard again and I wanted to shove my cock inside of her....or have her suck it, to be very frank, but I held back. I think if this were to continue...I would weaken and we would most definitely have sex at least, oral sex. So I need to be careful. She only sent me 2 messages so far and they were tame...so no big deal. No pressure from her either. But...I can tell she likes me...and she really likes my cock-a-dodole do and mention that specifically, several times. :D
M - 13 years ago
Well, I have been lucky of late in the female attention department...not sure why. There have been times when it had been a year that I had not had sex...despite my best efforts. Then when I'm really not looking for it...it sort of is there, in spades. I guess I should not complain. I think when you are not looking for it, you are more relaxed, at ease and it just happens when you don't expect it. I have been rejected, as a whole, more by women than I have been accepted. THAT is the truth. Maybe having J and my confidence there helps. Also...I am very frank with women about my lifestyle, my relationship with J and as of late...Liz's pregnancy. I think some women really like the honesty and it turns them on. Good for me. I am not looking to get laid...I know you don't believe that.
I did tell J. He is so sweet. He said "it's okay babe. It doesn't sound that bad, and you have been beating yourself up about Liz and I don't want to add to that. I love you and I trust you. Just make sure you don't hurt this girl if you can avoid it, okay? " I asked him if he is sure he felt okay about the mutual masturbation and touching her clit,etc. and he assured me he did. He said after Liz, he feels he can handle anything. And then he said "remember, babe, no cock unless it is attached to me.....I'm only so understanding."
Well, you like to always say how you are envious and wish it were you. but, still you look for excuses not to see me (I KNOW you want to....but you won't), and even utter this bs about someday we will experience each other...blah blah. No, it is kinda too late, thanks in no small part to you. And you know if you sincerely wanted to...you could come out to see me. You know I'd foot the bill...you have 'Gilda the Good Witch' to watch Cujo and company....you aren't working...you have no ties there and can easily be away for a few days...yet, you avoid it or put it off...so it will never happen. You need to maintain the fantasy of 'what could be'....why is that?
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi baby, .. Well, there might be a little tinge of jealousy running through me, but I think it is mostly wishful thinking with a touch of sadness that it isn't me that is with you. I love you and am seriously attracted to you all the way to hell and back so it hurts just a little bit but at the same time makes me very happy that someone is there to comfort you and bring you some moments of joy and bliss. I wish it was me. I know it almost makes you angry to hear me say that but I am telling you that in all sincerity and from my heart. As time is evolving and your situation keeps changing with the women that come and go in your life, the one thing that stays constant no matter what is, .. my deep feelings and love for you and even when we are at odds that doesn't change. As I mentioned before to you, .. my love for you is unconditional and constant, .. never changing. Maybe Liz feels that way for you too, and I know without doubt as he has proven it time and again, Jeffery is completely selfless and unconditional in his love for you. Well, all except for his request that you stay away from other men, but that is understandable and even if you strayed he would forgive you and stay, so that is still back to being unconditional love.
Your reserve and wisdom not to get involved with Megan emotionally right now really impresses me honey. I will say that if you go back for a repeat of what you just did, it is likely to go a step farther and eventually you will be intimate with her and then the emotions will come into play. How can they not? Since she is not acting so aggressive and forward like she was, .. I see her now more like a lady and I'm liking her better. She is letting you call the shots instead of acting like a ........ well, I won't say it.
It is best not to say or do anything that would cause stress or sadness on Liz right now as it could very likely affect the baby. If I was in her shoes, and of course I am not able to know how deeply or not she loves her husband so that makes it hard for me to know what she is going through, but it is my belief she loves you more. It would make me feel very melancholy and sad everyday that I am not with you, even if I did love my husband a little bit but not as much. And to know the baby inside me is yours yet you aren't there to go through this pregnancy process with me would be devastating and very sad for me. This goes back to what Jeffery was talking about when he was saying that this is all part of the bonding process both to her and your baby. She has to be feeling pretty sad about this I would think. However honey, I agree with you in that she needs to be the one to decide to leave her hubby without pressure from you. I think you're doing the right thing.
correction - 13 years ago
*you're (not 'your') jealous. Hate when I do that!
M - 13 years ago
Here you go....eat your heart out :)
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June 24, 2011 8:01 am [remove/insert/remove] @[][] [] []
Hi Michael!
Thanks you for delivering the boxes. I am nearly packed and the movers are coming at 7:00 in the morning on Monday. The landlord at my new rental is allowing me to move in early and he isn't charging me rent until July 1! I am aware that Jeffrey is home this weekend, so would you like to stop by my new place on [insert/remove/insert] unit 406E, next weekend and toast to my new home? I wouldn't mind a repeat of what happened yesterday, but that is completely up to you! I had no hint of what you were really packing down there! I think I blushed at least once when it was revealed, but you made me feel so relaxed as it continued. Thanks for the boxes, the company and for the affection, especially.
Love,
Megan
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M - 13 years ago
Excuse my terrible typos in the last 2 messages. I was up until very late last night and up early this morning. Slept 2 hours last night...3 the night prior. A lot on my mind. Truth be told, last night I was thinking about Megan and how incredibly hot she looked in that chair and had trouble sleeping. Hey---I'm a dude, after all....right? I have to be honest, I don't feel any guilt about it. I feel like, under normal circumstances, I may not be looking for or require affection or female companionship ...and with what has happened w/ Liz and with J away...it felt good to be comforted and to have a sexual release with someone who seems to really care about me as a person....she is very nice and kind to me. And while someone might think mutual masturbation is sex....I disagree. I had to hold back, a lot...because I felt that if I had intercourse that it would have made me...and her feel, perhaps, more emotionally connected. Anyway....Liz is no longer placing restrictions on me...and she is not in the position to since she is back with her husband. J said something that surprised me. He said that if Liz is with him now while she is pregnant with my child....he think it unlikely that she will ever leave since this is the time, during pregnancy, a woman is most vulnerable emotionally...and since it is my baby...not hubby's... and I am the one she loves..it makes sense for her to gravitate to me, not him. If she is not now...he feels she will stay with him long term, not me. Then he said "if you want her, you need to go on that plane ....urge her to return and fly back with her...or it is all but over, babe." Well, I appreciated this from J and the dude has such strong instincts and is usually very astute with these things (that is why he is such a good businessman). The problem is...I can't urge her back and as I am still uncertain whether I can make it work. She needs to come to me of her own accord to make sure this is what she wants and she is willing to accept everything about me. I can't blame her for not coming to me, at all. I think I can be reticent and aloof in my manner when it comes to serious relationships....I always end up in them, but it is rarely my choice...they just end up being serious. And if she asked me...I would, for her sake and for the baby's sake commit to her...but I can't guaranty that I wouldn't disappoint her. She is risk-averse I suppose. I love her so much...but she needs more than that from me.
So...yes, I think you would find Megan quite pretty. She is not as classy or refined-looking as Liz...she is more casual and natural in her appearance...maybe a bit more hip-looking too where Liz is very classic looking, I guess. I liked that Megan was into pleasing my fetish and did not complain that she wanted to fuck me instead....Liz is like that too, very willing, very consensual and very into my little, benign perversions. If was funny though....Megan said something to me that only Liz has said. After the mutual masturbation and after I manually manipulated her into her 2nd orgasm...I kissed her and asked her if she felt alright about this episode (thinking back to Tara and how she was all upset after I attempted to objectify her body) and she said to me "you know, Michael, it feels okay with you, I don't know why, but I feel like it was very nice when normally I would have been a little ill at ease with other men in this situation. It feel okay with you." Well, that made me feel better. again...this is okay with J so I have no guilt, at all. It felt good. Oh, and she really likes my dick. Hope your jealous.
M - 13 years ago
Okay...I'd say 5' 6"-5' 7". Very fit body, not too thin, on the lower side of average for weight. Very nice breasts. They are natural, round, not larger, but on the larger side win comparison to her body type. She has a very hot body, that is how I noticed her. Blonde hair, but not light blond...on the darker blonde side. Hair is past shoulders. blue eyes, very round eyes. pretty skin, like Ana had, flawless. Her pussy was completely hairless...it was sexy looking and very pink. I liked when she spread her legs wide open for me on demand without hesitation. It was a huge turn on. Maybe facially Charlize Theron?? That is all I can come up with to be honest...and she doesn't really look like her...but she has that soft, sweet face...that angelic doll like look. And don't worry...I am not smitten, at all in that sense emotionally. I just like her and I think she is nice...and she is sexy too. I have no plans for this to go anywhere. I think I made that clear to her. That is why I kept my distance and did not have sex or touch her...Iw as trying to keep an emotional distance. Fro her sake as well as my own.
Don't want to push Liz or get her upset right now. I have no anger toward her. Everything that has happened is my fault. I don't need to add any more pain to her life.
Storm - 13 years ago
Good morning Michael, .. Could you describe her a little more. I would just like to get a vision of her in my head. Height, hair color and length. Is she petite, .. big or small breasts? Does she wax or shave completely? Is there no celeb that even comes close to her type?
So where do you go from here with her? Do you plan to see her again? You have opened the door back up for her. It sounds to me like this could potentially turn into another love story for you, and given your situation, I certainly couldn't blame you for seeking out another female for company and companionship. You are in a very strange situation right now. You may very well become a daddy very soon, and Liz is wanting to be w/ you, ... but isn't. And you are deeply in love w/ her but don't know when and if she will ever leave her husband. What would happen if you asked her when she plans to be w/ you? Tell her maybe that you will not hang in limbo anymore and that you plan to start dating Megan. How do you think she would react? She might appreciate the fair warning and it would serve as a wake up call that she is about to lose you. How do you think she would react?
M - 13 years ago
No sure if she is prettier than Liz, per se...it is a matter of taste. I think at first glance, Megan may get a man's attention quicker...capture his eye. Liz has a very anglican shaped face, very strong bone structure and high cheekbones, etc. where as Megan has a very soft look, feminine features, almost like an angelic look. Which celebrity?....not sure. She's really pretty, but I probably prefer Liz's look which is more refined and cultured. Both of them are much too pretty for me. Seriously. I had no indication she was bi....highly doubt it. I suppose I could be wrong. For whatever reason, the women who like me tend to be very much heterosexual with no leanings. That seems to be the type of woman that not only I attract, but that I prefer. Someone who is really only into dudes only, very hetero. I have no problem with Bi women, at all. I'm just not into it and it does nothing for me. I am sure some men disagree, but to each his own. While I am sure too that there are plenty of women are not necessarily turned by my sexuality...though I haven't met any yet ;) Megan is soon to be 30...or she may have turned 30 this May, as I recall. She works in financial investments. She is a financial analyst...very similar to what Liz did years ago. There are many financial institutions in NYC (the city's largest employer) so not unusual that this is what she does.
Storm - 13 years ago
I am surprised to hear you say that Megan is prettier than Liz. What does Megan look like and how tall is she? Is there a celeb she resembles? Any chance she might be bi ? How old is she? What kind of work does she do?
Storm - 13 years ago
My God ! You really have self control! I don't think I could have kept my hands off of you and obeyed you, I really don't. I would want to give you your fantasies Michael, but to make me not touch you or to not be able to actually be intimate w/ you would be cruel and unusual torture. I am not kidding! I would have been in tears begging you to make love to me and to slam me hard and kiss me passionately and to hold me tight. There is no way I could be that passive with you, ... there is too much dammed up inside of me that I have held back all this time that is dying to be unleashed and experienced with you. I would have torn your clothes off and been on top of you in a heartbeat and kissing you hard and deeply. I would climax faster than the blink of an eye, ... maybe even from just looking into your eyes and feeling you touch me. A kiss from you could even cause that. My passion for you in no way could be held back if I was in the same room with you, ... I know this. Fuck that shit sitting in a chair staring at you! Uh uh, I would have failed miserably!
continued - 13 years ago
And I also told her that I did not come there to have sex. She said "okay, so you came here to drop off boxes then?" And I said "well, yes, that and I came here to see you." Then I told her that I couldn't figure why she would want to get mixed up with a dude like me in the first place, with everything that is happening in my life, everything about me is so complicated, unsettled. And she said "and yet, you are here." Soooooo....I kissed her very assertively on the mouth. I told her that I was very sorry but I couldn't have sex, not now, now yet. Then she said "well, let me do something for you then." I knew what she meant but I said "like what?" She replied "whatever you would like me to do. Whatever makes you feel comfortable." sooooooo...I took her hand and led her to her bedroom (I had never been to her apartment before today). I told her that I really could not have sex right now (but, Damn did I want to!), but I asked her to undress for me while I watched. She seemed to feel a little awkward at first and then she removed everything fairly quickly. She has a very nice body and very nice tits. She stood a few feet from me and I just stared at her. It was very difficult not to touch her. She came close to me and her hand extended toward my crotch. I told her to move back and sit on the chair that was in the corner of the room near a window at the foot of the bed. She did. We were just staring at each other. Then I asked her to open her legs and spread them as far apart as she was able without being uncomfortable. She did. I was extremely aroused. I told her to remain seated and I undressed completely. I sat back on her bed and began to stroke myself. I could tell she was also aroused. I asked her to touch herself and to rub her clit and try to have an orgasm without touching me. I told her that I would do the same. I asked her to do many things mainly to finger herself and rub her pussy and play with her tits while I watched. She got very much into it and she came before me. I was very turned on by her orgasm....but asked her to remain in the same position as the visual was getting my very hot. So I continued to stroke myself and came soon after. She was still feeling aroused after her first one....so I came over to her and helped her come a 2nd time with my fingers. I wanted SO BADLY to put my mouth there...but knew that if I did she would be sucking me soon or we would be fucking. It was very nice...I asked her if she felt alright about it, and she said "yes. I do. I enjoyed it very much. I like when you touch me and when you look at me. I really love when you stare at my body." And she gave my cock-a-doodledo several compliments! LOL---that was the first time she saw it full frontal, at attention. While, technically, we didn't have intercourse, sex...I thought it went far enough that I best tell J.
I asked her if she was planning to come to Hudson's the other night or did she show up because she found out from Torey, her friend, that I was there. She confessed to the latter. I stayed a little while, cleaned up and then had to get back to work. I gave her a very nice, long kiss,and then that was it. Aren't I a bad little boy?
M - 13 years ago
Ha ha...sorry. Not ignoring you. I think I told you about Liz and how she sent the update about her health/baby's health...which I appreciate. In the e-mail she stressed, several times, how supportive and devoted hubby has been. I won't lie...he has been that, and I a very happy about this. It makes it easier for me to let her go right now. She mentioned it 3 or 4 times in the e-mail so I guess it was her way of telling me that she is there to stay for a while. Though she ended the e-mail by telling me that she still loved me and feels so blessed that I was able to re-enter her life and I have made her "whole" and opened up her heart again.Then wrote.."no matter where you are now or either of us are with...I will, again, be with you someday. I have more than hope, I know this Michael." You can read into any optimistic way you like...she is saying that she is to be with hubby, stay in the marriage, and we are on the back burner for another time. "tis okay...but I guess it hit me in a way that made me feel that although we will always have a relationship should this baby survive, she is moving on, for now, past the romantic part. She knows I am coming out to Belgium and London and did not mention she wanted to visit even though she is stable, health-wise, now. My point? Well, Megan had mentioned to me when Is aw her the other night that she was going to need 20-30 boxes as she was moving July 1 to a new apartment (this is quite common with Manhattanites as rents are skyrocketing constantly so we always look for better deals...or larger places for the same price--I don't have that luxury to move with bro...he needs consistency and repetitiveness and does not adjust well to unfamiliar surroundings). Anyway...I told her that we have so much computer equipment we purchases at my company that she could have as many boxes as she likes. She e-mailed me and inquired and asked if she could pick some up. I told her that it would be tough for her to hold that many and to transport them...so I would have the mail room send them over in a cab for her. She was very appreciative. But...after I read Liz's e-mail...I thought "why the fuck am I being so good , and for whom?" I am not angry at Liz...but she is not waiting for me...yeah, I knwo she loves me and she is carrying my progeny...but she is not waiting for me. She knows that I will no longer have a sexual relationship so long as she is with hubby...then I thought of J and how he told me that if he was able to accept me with Liz...no other woman really threatens him (except, he says, unless I meet someone so fantastic that I dump him, LOL), and that he asked that I not be with other dudes...and I asked him to abide by that as well. So....what am I doing? I have no one else waiting in the wings. Just J and he is pretty stable with me and accepts and understands my desires for females. Soooooo....I called her and asked if she rather the cab driver drop off the boxes, or I drop them off personally. She replied "Michael, I look awful, I was up until 3:00 a.m. packing and still haven't showered." I said "mmmm...sounds sexy to me....I'll be there in 45 minutes." then I hung up the phone. Ha ha! I wasn't going there to have sex...I just felt like seeing her. Did you ever just want to be around someone who is accepting, kind to you, easy to talk to...someone who reduces, not increases your stress? I guess that is her right now. So...I rang her up (it took me closer to an hour to get there)..she buzzed me in. When she opened the door her hair was wet. I told her that I knew she would jump in the shower before I got there. She looked really pretty with wet hair and no make up. She is beautiful, more so than Liz even. I am not saying that this is important or that it matters to me...just an observation. She had me place the boxes in her kitchen and she followed me. I turned to her and was very blunt. I said "look, I am not going to start a relationship with you; and I did not come here to have
Storm - 13 years ago
I promise I won't get mad. Come on baby, tell me what happened with her .... Don't be cruel and leave me hanging .... :(
Storm - 13 years ago
Ohhhhhhh you are such a merciless tease .... c'mon, SPILL IT !!!!!!! :/
Long John (or so she told me...) - 13 years ago
Nope and nope. :)
Storm - 13 years ago
P.S. Yes, I would like to know ..... all of it. ;)
Storm - 13 years ago
Spill it ...... did she show up at your doorstep unannounced? Or did you invite her?
wouldn't you like to know.... - 13 years ago
no sex. well...no intercourse or oral stimulation.
Storm - 13 years ago
Okayyyyyy! What did you do bad boy? Was it with Megan? I want the details, every one of them ....... ! Did she show up unexpectedly at your door with seduction on her mind?
Very happy baby Jonathon is thriving. Is Liz on complete bed rest? Also glad her hubby got her a nurse and is showing his love and concern for her and the baby. He can't be that bad a guy then.
Sex God - 13 years ago
My ancestry on my mother's side ( full Taiwanese so no mixed heritage) is known back around 5-6 generations. Tracing it beyond that to Taiwan...and prior, to China...would be difficult since they kept inferior birth records. My father's ancestry is well known and documented as my father's side of the family (from Germany) is pretty much chronicled. Not really something I need or should explain here...if you met me, knew my full name (which I have no doubt you probably, somehow, do, Sherlock) you'd understand. I know my father's lineage...ancestry pretty far back as it is somewhat 'common knowledge' and his family is ubiquitous with philanthropy (among other ventures) abroad (Germany, UK) and here (In NYC). Enough said for now. While I am certainly not well known, personally, or renowned....some in my father's extended family members are, very much so. Too bad you never met me ...then you'd know all...which I shant reveal to you. How does it feel?
Have to confess something to J...but I think he'll be okay. you'll never guess how bad boy caved. Hope you are jealous.
Liz sent me an e-mail saying the baby is still thriving, though she has, herself, lost 2 lbs (not a good sign) and is on nutritional supplements. My mother thinks the pregnancy is taking a lot out of her physically. I feel so guilty...but she seems happy. I hope he doesn't get her hopes up. She told me her hubby has been taking time off to be with her...hired a ft nurse to care for her and stayed at her bedside when she was hospitalized for the bleeding. This is a lot for a man of his caliber. He is trying...I'll give him that. She said he does not push or pressure her or ask her to stay or try to manipulate her decision in any way. I cannot dislike him...in fact, I love him for taking care of her and this baby so well. How can I be jealous of resentful of someone who loves her so much?
Storm - 13 years ago
Ohhhhh. I'm glad you clarified, because I thought you were saying that you 'didn't' want me to talk about Tony. :)
Storm - 13 years ago
Thanks babe, .. I appreciate your thoughts about my mom. She grew up poor and was one of seven sisters growing up in Clarksville, Indiana across the river from Louisville, Kentucky. My mom was stunningly beautiful and my dad met her when he was a soldier during WWII and my mom said he just kept staring at her and then he finally worked up the courage to talk to her. She did take good care of us and dressed us well and I remember her helping me many times with my homework as well as my dad. I was ahead of other kids in my class on reading skills thanks to my mom always helping me to learn new words and she ordered me new books to read all the time. Growing up in the country, I had lots of time to read and developed my love of books. They were my escape and flights of fancy ... My dad was well to do and very well liked in our community. We owned prime irrigated farmland in three states which amounted to four sections of land ( 640 acres per section ) so it was a huge farming operation where we had hired hands to do the farming. On top of the crops, we also raised cattle, chickens, and a few pigs. It was a fantastic good life for a kid and I wish I would have appreciated it more. Lots of good memories, but I would see an occasional jet plane traversing the sky above me and it made me feel lonely and like I was missing out on life from being so isolated from everything. My cousins and an occasional neighbor kid from half a mile away were my only playmates. I was really shy when I entered kindergarten and still have a streak of shy in me from time to time. My father became postmaster, president of our museum, was voted Citizen of the Year, and did much volunteering and good things for our hometown. I'm very proud of him. He loved history and had a near photographic mind that was astounding and was very sharp at math thank God because he was my saving grace pulling and helping me through Geometry and Algebra. He traced our genealogy all the way back to the 16th century and I have blue blood in me from both my French and Swedish heritage from what he discovered. I am related to Marie Antoinette. My dad said she would be my however many great great grandmother. On my Swedish side my dad discovered that we were related to a Swedish sea captain by the name of Captain Kiehl ( or Kiel, can't remember the correct spelling ) who reportedly saved the life of the Swedish King whoever that was aboard his ship. The story goes that the King got drunk and fell overboard. Captain Kiehl dove in and saved him and the King rewarded him with a ring that my dad says is now in a museum in Stockholm. haha How my dad found this out I don't know. He found out that records showed our relative Captain Kiehl owned vast amounts of land and back then, only royalty was allowed to own that much land, so that is how we know he also came from blue blood and royalty.
My mom's lineage is harder to follow because her mother was adopted. We know who her real mother was and she was full blooded Shawnee Indian. So now I have Indian blood in me! I probably have Hines 57 in me as well ! haha The other ancestry I know of is English from my mom's father. Have you ever traced your ancestry?
M - 13 years ago
Well...if you stop telling me about the misogynistic midget...I will stop telling you about all of them: J, Megan, Liz...et al.. I am sure you regret telling me stuff about the redneck troll....but hey, if I begin to realize that you are holding back...then so will I. That is what I meant by my statement.
M - 13 years ago
It is not his "sexual preference"...I don't think anyone "prefers" the life of a homosexual...it is his Sexual orientation...something he is, and cannot help being...he has no control over it. Your purported bisexuality is a sexual preference...if you really are at all bisexual. And that is certainly up for debate as far as I am concerned. Just 'cause you say it, doesn't make it so. LOL!
Yeah...his text turned me on and I am so pleased he is coming home tomorrow evening. We will be fucking up a proverbial storm. My dick is going to be in pain! Can't wait. I miss him gorgeous, perfect body --those defined hamstrings, and his sexy jaw line and huge cock....I am hard just thinking about him. Adam Levine is gonna have to wait cause daddy's got a bran new bag....
Your mother saw you as a younger version of herself....and she subconsciously rode you to do the things she never did....never had the opportunity or inclination to do. OR she resented you because you were close to your father (perhaps his favorite?) and while they may have had a good relationship...it may have been absent of sex...which is not uncommon for long time marrieds with multiple kids. So, she saw you as a threat to her husband's (your father's) attention. These are my guesses based on my over-priced Ivy league education....for what that's worth! ;)
Storm - 13 years ago
Awwwww sweet! It is awesome that you made J feel free to be himself now and not hide his sexual preference from people. I still do. My very conservative Republican sis ( though we were raised Democrats ) who was a virgin on her wedding night, would faint and fall over if she knew I am bi and like women. haha So would my brothers. I was the wild child of my family and often felt like the black sheep because I was by far the smartest and got the best grades, scored in the upper 3% of the nation on my ACT and SAT scores, was inducted into The National Honor Society and I guess because of this, my mom expected more of me and rode me hard and criticized me constantly instead of praising me. You may remember me telling you about the straight A report card incident where I felt proud showing her my report card and she only criticized me because one of the A's was an A- ! She was always telling me I was too skinny and that my hair looked awful because it had natural multiple shades and streaks of blondes and browns intermixed. She wanted me to start dying my hair in junior high so it would be all one color. Never happened as I revolted! Nowadays, women strive to have multiple highlights and shades in their hair. Mom never praised or was proud of me until I married my ex and lived the jet set lifestyle meeting celebs. Then she was proud of me, but I think that was the only time I can remember praise coming out of her mouth. I loved my mom and we never fought, but she made me sad that she never seemed happy with me. To this day, I am still trying to figure her out. Jamie's dad saw how she treated me and he told me that when I am not in the room she brags about me and seems proud of me and talks about me like I am her favorite one, but he also witnessed how she rode me and criticized me constantly to my face. What's up with that? I still don't know ....
M - 13 years ago
And what about the incident at the breakfast when he got annoyed from someone banging ht back of his chair and had to get his e-mal wrapped up...and when he made the homophobic comments re: the gays on the news...LOL...not trying to influence you but this guy John already seems smarter and classier and maybe you should give him a chance. I don't want to be mean...but don't play all of your cards on tony. You feel badly as he is a lost soul and has nobody...but I guess it is becoming pretty evident why.
Good morning babe! Rise & shine! How do I miss U. 2 guys at this place already coming on to me . told them I live with my bf. not hiding my sxlty anymore. they were happy to learn i was gay but i told them i was vry much in love. I am. u r so sexy and i cant go much longer with out having u. i w ant to fuck u and hold u and melt in your arms. i love u so much. just wait til i c u. u r in 4 a real treat lover! miss u more than i could hv imagined.
Jefferson
verizon.net
4414B/678/99903Th7822
Storm - 13 years ago
I ran out of keystrokes .... ."stop telling me stuff about Tony and I'll stop telling you stuff about Megan, Liz, J, and everyone else." But I want you to tell me everything about them. I want to know about you and your thoughts about these people because they are part of your life and are important to you. Therefore, I care about them too.
Storm - 13 years ago
LOL Well, I don't know how all these troubled people find me, they just do. I can assure you that I don't put an ad in the paper wanting people who are messed up! haha If you met Missy, I feel certain you would like her. It isn't her fault she got abused so how can I hold that against her or push her out the door? She is working and gives me money when she can and is helping out around her, plus she is a positive person. She is moving back to Minnesota after the 27th of July. I was re-reading what I wrote last night and realize I might be a bit confusing on that story about dropping by to see a girlfriend. Tony wasn't asking me if I have lied to him, but whether I ever lied to my ex bf, and that is when I told him 'no', and then explained that my ex bf accused me of that because that was the closest he could come to calling me a liar. If Tony ever asks me again about you, I will tell him that 'yes', we keep in touch w/ each other. The last time he asked, it was too close to him giving me another chance w/ him and I know telling him back then that I was back to talking w/ you would have made him disappear on me again. Believe me, .. deceiving him made me feel horrible and I still feel tremendous guilt about that. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to lose him. I admit that when he was here, there were a few times when I felt slightly agitated w/ him. I got use to his being shorter than me fairly quick. I had high heels on when I greeted him upon his arrival and that really made me look taller than him. After that, I only wore flats and then it wasn't as noticeable, though I admit he was still shorter. I kept thinking about how nice a couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were or him and Katie Holmes and they were both proud of their guy. Tony looked older than his profile picture but he is still very handsome and I still felt proud to be w/ him. His smoking habit had gotten bad so everywhere we went he had to light up first thing or last thing when we got in/out of the car. He had said on his profile that he doesn't smoke so I was surprised when he lit up. He told me he had quit smoking but started back up again because of stress. I told him it just worries me about his health because he has asthma and of course his immune system is still not up to par yet. The only other incident that I find regretful is when we took the tram ride up the mountain to have dinner at sunset up at my favorite restaurant High Finance. It should have been 'high romance' too. It started to go wrong when we entered the tram building and found scores of high school age kids coming down this long flight of stairs on both sides of the railing. He was right behind me, so I thought, and when I saw a break to start heading up the stairs I went for it figuring he would follow. He didn't because I think he had gone to use the lower story bathroom unbeknown to me. We were separated for about five minutes on different floors and I think he felt agitated that I didn't wait for him, which I would have if I had known he wasn't right behind me. That put us slightly at odds w/ each other for the rest of the evening though I kept trying to get romantic w/ him, ... Then I saw our waiter! Holy smack! Yowza. Talk about good looking! As he led us to our table I blurted out, " Wow, you are really handsome!" He turned around and smiled at me. Man, those words just came out of my mouth before I even knew I was saying them, honest to God. I didn't mean to be rude to Tony and he didn't seem to notice that I had just flirted and he said nothing, even though my waiter and I kept looking at each other with stars in our eyes the rest of the night and smiling at each other. I literally felt my body get this warm flush when that waiter came to our table and he would just look down and smile and gaze at me. Yowza, ....... I wanted to linger and enjoy the ambiance and view, .. Tony wanted to go as soon as we were done. Damn.
M - 13 years ago
Well, this dude sounds a hell of a lot better than Tony. Wy not give him a chance? He actually seems educated and interesting. You were not thrilled with Tony when he came out...and now all of a sudden you are so attracted to this munchkin, it is actually rather funny. Remember he looked old, as if he aged quite a bit...and you two looked like an odd couple because being with him is like being with a little boy? Lest we forget? You noted,a few times, his narrow minded views...and his inability to have sex and to satisfy you via intercourse, you said he satisfied you with his hands and and but mouth but didn't feel a connection and now you are talking about this guy who sounds NORMAL after meeting him once, you are not as attracted. God...give him a chance please.
Why must you always find friends who were sexually abused? Why are you drawn to impaired, troubled people? Like those dogs you rescue. You are a poster child for a victim. This Missy with her slave fetish has issues...it is not normal to want to be psychologically abused...it shows some deep seated emotional troubles are present.Anyway, you and I both know you just lied to Tony again by telling him you never lied to him. He asked you (as I am sure you remember) if you keep in contact with me and you said "and a lie fell from my mouth, I told him no." That's a real and true lie...not an omission. You best make good on that since you painted yourself to him as a non-liar and tell him that you did, indeed, lie to him. LOL! How do you feel telling me you love me and wanting to be with me...so desperately...and YOU DO..it is very obvious...knowing how much he would hate this if he knew?I bet he would even cut off communication with you if he found out. You probably should have been honest with him and not afraid to tell the truth. Gee. And if he thinks your failure to mention something about seeing your girlfriend is a lie, then he is a control freak. Why do you attract these controlling men?
Tony's stance goes far beyond a "different viewpoint"...it is a value statement...and a dangerous one at that. What if he told you he believed in the wearing of animal fur and has no problems w/ purchasing a fur coat for a woman..instead of mentioning that women should die in childbirth for the sake of an unborn entity? I bet THAT viewpoint would have set you off. LOL! It is okay if he thinks humans can die for fanatical beliefs as long as he doesn't think animals should for the wearing of fur. His ideas are dangerous and speak to him as a person. I an only imagine what else you haven't told me. But that's okay...stop telling me stuff about Tony and I'll stop telling you stuff about Megan, Liz, J, and everyone else.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi baby cakes! I got a phone call from John Cline the video producer I told you about who knew of our sound company and ended up in our warehouse after we moved out and he had met my ex yrs ago. We finally got together tonight since he was headed to Rio Rancho to drop off some film. He came over to my house in some kind of rare 2005 Honda sports car convertible. It looked brand new and ultra ritzy. He said he would take me for a cruise to the mountains in it sometime. We got along great and had some good conversation. He is leaving tomorrow to do some consulting work on NBC's The Voice. I'm sure he will be meeting up with your heartthrob Adam Levine. He's a nice guy. Can't say I feel hot vibes about him like I do Tony, but I'm willing to get to know him better. I would say 'friend' category for now. Tony as I said, majored in criminal justice my darling. I don't know what college he went to as I have never asked.
Missy got raped when she was seven yrs old, .. same age Jamie was I believe when he got raped. She has gone through a lot, and maybe the desire to be dominated by a master goes back to that trauma. All I know is that she has had counseling and is a very happy and positive person to be around and I am loving her to death. She cooks and cleans for me and makes these scrumptious meals. We talk openly to each other about sex and she gives me lots of warm tight hugs. Nothing sexual between us, that would be too weird, but there is a nice comfortable bond since we are both bi and open minded. My babe, I don't pull my affection away from people just because they have a different viewpoint from mine. I look for the good in people and try to focus on that, and I don't try to force my beliefs on anyone. As far as Tony goes, I know he is worth loving despite his not well thought out beliefs on a few subjects. We enjoy each others company and I know he is very honest and hard working and has a multitude of other good traits. We were talking about honesty today and I told him that was absolutely paramount to me in a mate and that is the foundation for a solid relationship. I told him my last bf was a compulsive liar. He asked me if I ever lied to him and I told him 'no'. I told him my bf accused me of being a liar once because I omitted telling him that I stopped off to visit a girlfriend on my way home from work one day. I only stayed about twenty minutes and it was a simple last minute decision to pop in and say Hi. I didn't see it as any big deal that I didn't mention it at that time. When he found out a few days later that I had visited her, he said I was a liar because I should have told him. I asked Tony whether he thought I lied about her and he thinks I did, whereas I think it is all silly because had I been asked a direct question, I would have answered truthfully and admitted that I stopped by for a simple quickie visit. I wasn't trying to hide it, .. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning. So this was all the ammunition my ex bf could come up with on me.
Well, I am fading fast, so I am off to bed. Wish I could snuggle with you tonight and enjoy all that would bring. :) G'night lover boy ... XOX
M - 13 years ago
Tony could be calling you a "half dozen times during the day" because he is simply lonely. Maybe he just needs human companionship. Ever consider that? It could be that he really cares about you a lot because you are concerned about him, feed his ego, give him attention...what dude wouldn't' like that? But since he met you it seems like the phone sex has diminished and if he is back to work...his cock she be back working as well. think about it. As far as Tony being a northeast redneck...Iw as not referring to his attire or his physical appearance (of which I would have no basis since I have not met him) but his attitude, politically social beliefs,etc. Being both a quasi- homophobe and a misogynist (or we can just say 'sexist' or 'chauvinistic' if that makes you feel better) as well as having such narrow-minded views. Don't blame the catholics, please. Yes, they are no day at the beach as far as social equality is concerned...and they are anti-chocie big time...however, they feel the life of the mother be preserved if necessary. Tony has some warped views with no historical context and you should at least have enough self- respect to as him why he believes in takes such a negative and hateful platform. It is insulting to you, as a woman. makes me feel like you have some self-loathing going on. From what you have shared about the dude--I hate him as a person and am shocked that you are even considering him a love interest. It is a bit revolting to think about it. sorry. you can do better. I am sure he has his good points...but people probably said the same thing about Hitler too. I wonder if you would feel similarly about him if he said something comparable as this about dogs or animals. you would blow a gasket. I cannot stand when people are all sensitive about animals and then they let a hateful remark like that about a woman be ignored. He is one piece of work...I'll give him that. Where did he go to college? I am pretty sure that no college I know of has a "PI" major. I am guessing community college...which really isn't a college.
no spell ck again.
Oh Lord... - 13 years ago
Realty check: This house guest sounds like an odd ball. She may be erfectly nice and sweet, etc. Oh, but she is a "white witch" and only casts "good spells" so we need not be afraid. Does she know the "white witch" in Narnia is actually very BAD? LOL! She sounds like she may be a few quarts low...please tell her I said there's no such thing as any type of "spell" that anyone...especially a mere mortal like herself..is really able to cast. Maybe she has HArry Potter on the brain. Lord...where do you find these people? There are plenty of very nice, kind and sweet odd balls and weirdos all over the world...you don't have to befriend all of them! I steer clear of weird. vulnerable people, myself. She sounds very unintelligent and like someone who needs to get her life together, needs a focus and some self-confidence. People get caught up in these odd cult-like hobbies like "Wicca" and the like.... and did you ever notice...they are never well-adjusted, normal people? I think you are a magnet for strange people.
I think she was probably waxed....or she just shaved that morning...it was very smooth and I felt no hair. She told me later after that incident, via e-mail that she really liked when I touched her and she wanted me to do it again. I told her that I was certain that it would not happen again...as much as I enjoyed the brief stroke. But..the after night after we met at the club...I told her that I wanted to lick it for a very long time. That's when I kissed her very assertively with my tongue...perhaps I was a bit misleading and aggressive, forceful. But I felt the need to kiss her and I did it..it was very nice...I like how she kisses. She looked so pretty with this very tasteful and elegant white, summery dress. Her boobies looked very well-formed and pronounced. I ket looking at them and could not avert my eyes...she said "Stop being so obvious with your glaring." I replied "I am just admiring the lovely view." And she told me that was a contrived statement." So I said "ah, yes...you are correct. forgive me. how's this instead: NICE TITS." She began to laugh uncontrollably. She's a good kid...I enjoy her company. I am very surprised she is not sending me 4 or 5 e-mails a day and leaving me messages at work after that meeting at the club. I guess I gave her the impression that J and I are much tighter now and I told her that I really miss Liz and I have been feeling very melancholy.I think she is trying to wait until I make a move...which is good for now. I need to figure out the direction of my life which is still so undetermined .... and it's not really really falling into place as I had hoped. But, with seeing Megan again it got me thinking..... I am always interested in having friends who may--depending on the circumstances and timing -- become my lover, or simply remain a friend . Then if we become lovers and are close for a time , and share a bond..I feel, worst case, I'll have another life-long friend. That's not really a bad thing, right?
Storm - 13 years ago
LOL You're so cute. Tony is not a redneck and dresses very nicely and he was a true gentleman to me. He has a couple of slipped discs in his back that sometimes bother him and sometimes complains of his ribs or his stomach hurting. He use to have a stomach ulcer and is not sure if that is what is hurting him again. I really don't think he is disenchanted with me because he is still very affectionate and warm to me and calls me half a dozen times throughout the day. On one of his days off we stayed on the phone for five hrs. Does that sound like he is disenchanted w/ me? I don't think so. He just isn't back up to good physical health yet and the other day he complained about a headache he couldn't get rid of even though he had taken eight Excedrin tabs. It lasted nearly 24 hrs before it dissipated. He is back at work now and programs the computers on trains when they arrive. There was a big transformer that blew out just a few days ago and trains were stranded. He had to hop aboard a diesel train to go out and hookup to the stranded electric train. He holds a private detective license and studied criminal justice in college, so when he retires in two yrs, he wants to be a private investigator part time. I can tell he is getting stronger and better, but he is still not up to 100%. Now that he is back to talking about sex again which has been absent for awhile, .. that is a very good sign.
I can't remember if I told you that I have a house guest named Missy staying here until July 27th. When she asked me if she could stay until the 27th, I thought she meant the 27th of this month! haha When I discovered she meant of July I know my mouth dropped open in front of her! She just laughed and then I did too. She is one of Jamie's best friends and she is 32 yrs old. She is bisexual, into being a slave, and she is a practicing white witch, .. meaning she will only cast good spells and not do harm to anyone. She went to culinary school and is a fantastic cook! She has turned out to be a big blessing and her and I get along great! She has this big boisterous laugh like Julia Roberts and the girl can sing well. She is so happy all the time. My ex bf never finished remodeling my master bath and I can't use my shower because the shower floor still needs to be grouted. She has volunteered to do that for me! Her dad taught her how to do that. Before she does, she has to clean the glue out from these little one inch octagon tiles 'cause Larry had only dug out the glue on half of the tiles. That will be the hardest part. My bathroom is done except for that and a few minor details. It is beautiful, elegant and unique looking.
If you're lonely tonight, .. I'll keep you company! :) We could talk about anything you want. Soooooo, could you tell if Megan was completely clean shaven or waxed?
M - 13 years ago
No...I did not touch her when I was sick when she visited me. It was long before that and at the same time that I fondled her titties. It wasn't really for very long. she was touching my cock...which gets me very hot (since I am a man who has a cock...that gets erect...ahem) And she pushed her lower body very close to mine..I instinctively pulled at the waist on her slacks and she motioned in her movement that she liked it...so I slipped my hand in and touched her with my finger. I did not insert but only felt her, touched her, with my finger.Then I pulled my hand out and told her it was a bad idea and apologized. This was right after I touched her titties. Liz and I were very new and somewhat tenuous at that point...but I did, however, confess to her later that I touched Megan's boobies and had kissed her. She kept grilling me one night and I told her that it happened "a while back"...she seemed pissed off about the titty thing (not that she had any right to be...) mostly because she hated Megan pursuing me so doggedly....so I didn't feel I needed to mention the brief pussy swipe. Liz said "well, did you fuck her!!!????" I answered "no" and did not feel the need to offer more. Had she said "what else did you do to her?" or "did you touch her pussy?" the I suppose I would have confessed.
No...I did not slide my hand up her dress while I kissed her in the cab with the driver seated in the front. I wanted to...in fact, I wanted to do a lot more. She knows where my head is at now and what I am dealing with. She significantly has calmed her pursuit of me.
I never though the phone sex that Tony is so into and you willingly partake in with him was "disgusting"...LOL! Where'd you get that idea? Maybe in smaller doses and if you know somebody WELL, it is fine...I happen to find the habit of phone sex..phone fucking....to be cheap. I know some horndog dudes are probably into it as they have no other options...I am not judging...it is just that all I can say is...I am not surprised that Tony has calmed it down. Either the mystery of you is gone and hence the disenchantment or there could be another reason. Anyway...if he still cannot get it up....then he needs to seek medical attention. Chemo effects do not last this long. His function s/b back 2 weeks or less after stopping chemo unless he is still ailing...or is sicker than you know.
Just get off this stupid inane kick that people can "make love" over the phone. For the last time: It is called Phone sex, "talking dirty", beating off over the phone, ...or Phone fucking, if that be your preference. "making love" is a euphemism for having sex, fucking.
You write "we didn't start the actual lovemaking for quite a while.." LOL! "actual" means "in reality", "de facto", "real" "literally". So to correct your grammatical error...you never "actually made love" over the phone as it is impossible to ACTUALLY do it over the telephone...LOL! It is like when you told me you "literally" made love over the phone with Tiny...that was even funnier. I am fairly certain that is impossible to literally fuck someone or 'make love' to them over the phone.
Sorry...you are too afraid to meet me with your convenient excuses...why should I get you in the habit of calling me for your little fix. I don't give my number out indiscriminately and until such time you decide to see me...no dice. I shall never be the one to ask you again...that ship has sailed.
No...some working class, Hoboken redneck with a Jersey accent who speaks improper English would definitely not turn me on by hearing his voice. I'm not that desperate.
Storm - 13 years ago
Yes, I wish I could have traded places with Megan that night you met up again at Hudson's and kissed her in the cab. So, you didn't slide your hand up her dress while you kissed her? When did you fondle her pussy? In your bedroom maybe before she left? I'm guessing, and I bet you didn't tell Liz this either. Is she emailing you again now?
Storm - 13 years ago
It is true that Tony would drift into talking about sex early on when we decided to start talking over the phone. I don't believe we talked about it online when we were first getting to know each other. He made me feel shy and a bit embarrassed many times but then it was also intriguing and even funny at times with the stories he told, .. plus I started getting use to it and then feeling comfortable and natural discussing it with him. That escalated into feeling and growing closer to him and I can't lie, ... he turns me on something awful with his sexy voice and the things he says to me. Did you ever see the movie Wild Orchid w/ Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis? Google it if you haven't and watch a few of the clips. That movie is so erotic and there are times he is as seductive as the character that Mickey Rourke plays. We didn't start the actual lovemaking for quite awhile, but then one evening he started telling me what he wanted me to do to myself, starting with telling me to slip my hand inside my pussy and to slide my fingers inside myself and then bring them up to my lips and to lick and suck on them. Well, ... it was a hunger and a desire by then to be lovers to each other and it was as natural as breathing to fall into making love to each other over the phone. By the time he left here from visiting, he arrived home, took off his shirt and discovered he was getting very sick and breaking our with the spots all over the left side of his body. His desire for sex was just up and gone because he has been in so much physical pain. Since his visit around Easter time in April and when you had your surgery, he has only made love to me one time since he has been back and he did it just for me and wasn't able to participate himself because he was in pain still. I know I just told you we don't do it anymore, but I just got off the phone w/ him and this was probably about the sixth phone call from him today. MY GOD! He had me so badly wanting him and I begged him if we couldn't make love to each other tonight. He seems to finally be getting his sex drive and desire back because he was sure talking sexy to me and I told him that if he keeps it up then I am going to have to go lay down and we are going to have to make love to each other right now! He told me "NO' not yet, but promised me he would call later this evening before he retires and then he will make love to me. I know you think this is disgusting Michael, but I swear that if he talked to you this way, you would get turned on too. We do love each other Michael and profess that to each other at the end of every phone call. He is a very sexy and sweet guy and if he isn't turning me on, then he is making me laugh. He can be very funny.
I would like to see what it feels like to talk to you on the phone for the first time. I am not asking you to make love to me. I would just like to hear your voice and know what you 'feel' like. It is a natural progression in a friendship or a relationship to go from talking online to talking on the phone. I know you hate the phone and I understand that, but surely you could tolerate a minute or two! haha No, I am not looking to have just a phone affair w/ you and who is to say that we still can't meet each other in 3D? Things seem to be changing in your life. Let's see what happens in the near future. Baby, I've never rejected you. Please don't think of it that way. Yes, I've put off and delayed hoping for better timing but never in my mind did I look or think of it as rejecting you because I have always intended for a day to come when we could be lovers. That is the truth. I'm sorry I have made you now feel bitter and disillusioned about that possibility. I have never, and will never close the door on that possibility unless I marry someday or you get married. Please don't get mad at me Michael and don't close the door yet on that possibility. I still desire you immensely and passionately.
M - 13 years ago
Are you jealous that I talked dirty to Megan? Is that it? Well....I've had the opportunity to meet her in person so I feel I know her rather well. I would stroke your pussy if you let me. I even touched hers once...never told you...thought you'd get angry...it was a while ago...but it felt smooth and soft and was all slippery and wet. But I showed my Herculean strength and stopped myself before something really happened.
M - 13 years ago
If the purpose or the outcome of the call is phone sex...then I think it's not something that would turn me on. I am more than happy to talk explicitly sexual to men and women and it turns me on, a lot. I am not shy to say what I like and what I want...and have been met with a few raised eyebrows. I am just not interested in having that type of relationship at the expense of a 3-D one....especially with someone who has rejected me numerous times and would rather hide behind a phone talking about what she SHOULD be doing with me....than to actually meet me and DO IT. You have made hints many times that you would like me to call you so we can talk sexy. Well....I might consider it if I didn't think that was what you would like to do instead of meet me...but alas...it is. Oh someone...you and garden gnome were talking about sex early on...I remember the stories...I don't really care. All I was saying in the past is that he was doing this role playing and calling you a slut having these scenarios where you were blowing his best friend and he catches you and fucks you in the ass violently you, sodomizes you....etc. I am very curious why the phone sex stopped...has he become disenchanted? Seems very odd for it to just stop. Hmmmm....do the optimal phone calling rates interfere with his skin head or operation rescue meetings?
Storm - 13 years ago
I am simply flirting with you and trying to joke around. I didn't really plan to have sex with you over the phone and certainly NOT right out of the gate. It took weeks and months and hours on the phone to get Tony and myself to that point, and you will be happy to know we don't do it anymore. I think you would like me if you saw me, .. that was never the problem. I just told you what the problems were two posts back. We have had cyber sex with each other on here a few times as we described what we would do to each other. Is that less smutty in your eyes? I think getting turned on by someone and something said, be it online or over the phone doesn't necessarily equate to being ' smutty '. Smutty is like beauty! It is in the eye of the beholder! :)
don't think so... - 13 years ago
I'm not into phone sex like you and polly pocket. Talking smut over the phone with someone I have not met (or even w/someone whom I have) just doesn't do it for me. It's not my medium. I am not going to start something so you can have this fantasy phone relationship. No. I think you were given plenty of opportunity to meet me and your delays, hemming & hawing, procrastination, lack of trust, risk averse attitude, AND pre-occupation with your own feelings made it not possible. You rather have me in some form rather than 3-D...and I don't know why. Perhaps you think I won't like you when I see you...that's all I can figure.
Storm - 13 years ago
Are you being a little trickster ? :) Call me baby! I want to hear your voice. I've waited long enough. Get out your 3 minute egg timer and I will promise you I won't keep you on the phone longer than that. How would that be? Of course, ... if you start telling me what you want to do to me, .. you may have to flip it over and go for an additional 3 minutes .... or more. ;)
M - 13 years ago
You are assuming that you did not pick up when I called. :)
Storm - 13 years ago
I don't see how you could have called me recently because I have learned to always keep a phone near me I can grab fast since that f 'ing phone machine of mine cuts on after only two rings, and if it does, then I have to go running into my bedroom to shut it off. I hate it, but I want to keep it on so people can leave me a message if I'm out. I'm truly sorry and regretful I fucked things up for us. I have a horrible fear of getting hurt again. I am only now finding the courage to take chances again. I thought you were talking to Megan on the phone because you mentioned that you were talking to her again. Is it through emails then, and do you answer her back? She told you she loves you, and people in love are not looking for a superficial fling honey, and that is how I know she wants and is hoping for long term w/ you. I never meant to imply that you are looking for only a fling, .. I wasn't thinking that at all so please don't take it that way. I know you tend to get attached emotionally to someone as well. When I love someone, ... I love very deeply and fall hard. That is what makes me so vulnerable and scared to take a chance on someone. You were always telling me that you didn't want a long lasting relationship and couldn't see yourself staying w/ anyone for very long, so that made me think twice about getting together w/ you. It seems like you may have changed now Michael. You talk of spending your life with either Jeffery or w/ Liz. Maybe we will never meet, but somehow I think we will at some point, .. be it as lovers or as friends. I just feel that we will. You are in my heart forever no matter what. I couldn't get you out of it even if I wanted to! :)
I know it is a mute point now, .. but I feel strongly that Liz would never have left for Amsterdam had her husband never showed up to escort her out of here. I think she then felt pressured that she had no other option, and was begging you to call her to give her one. It is what it is, .. and maybe for good reason Michael. She may have felt she acted too hastily in ending her marriage and you would have had to say goodbye to Jeffery and I don't think you were ready to do that. I am going to be brutally honest with you here, .. okay? I know your love for Liz runs incredibly deep and you may still feel that you would choose her over Jeffery. I understand that. I know I have not met her and only know of your relationship w/ her from the little bit you have told me. I may certainly be wrong with what I am about to say, but between J and her, .. I see you being the most compatible w/ Jeffery and therefore I think you stand a better chance of going the distance w/ him. I'm not sure she can handle you having other lovers ( men ) and your trying to give them up will eventually have you feeling incomplete. Take this for what its worth, or throw it in the trash, but this is my gut feeling.
Thank you for sharing about the baby. I looked up early placenta previa-like condition on Google and read what they had to say about it. They made it sound like this is not that uncommon and that often times the condition corrects itself and the placenta can relocate and migrate even. Please don't blame yourself babe, it is a waste of time and energy. It is my belief that baby knows it is loved and wanted and that will make all the difference in the world. Maybe that sounds very metaphysical, which is where my belief system lies, but look at the miracles that happened ( which you think were only mere coincidences but I see as synchronicity and meant to happen ). This baby was meant to happen, .. all a part of the bigger picture which we cannot fully see from our micro human viewpoint. I don't want to predict an outcome Michael, but I feel very hopeful still. I feel a sense the baby won't make it to 9 mos and will be premature, but if he can just hold on till the third trimester, I think he will survive. I am hopeful, .. think positive!
Answering a few other allegations - 13 years ago
How do you know I didn't call you as recent as a few days ago?? I don't talk to Megan on the phone ...what gave you that idea? And as far as Megan wanting more than just a fling ...how do you know that? She may only want a fling...who can say? And who said that I wanted a fling? I am pretty damn certain that if I wanted to bed her I could have anytime since the first day we met. She was not going to deny me. But, I have not.
You could have met me...you had plenty of opportunity...but allowed unfounded fear, time and again, shape your decision. Not my fault. So you can whine till the dogs come home about how you wish it were you and how you wish you were the one to give this to me. Really? Then you should not have had so many convenient excuses each time I tried to come out. You own fault but if it makes you feel better to look for excuses why you are afraid to meet me...then by all means, go right ahead. You had an opportunity before J, when I was not serious with him, when I was not seeing Liz...many other times. So stop with the "wish it could have been me" crap. It COULD have been...but you made sure that is WAS NOT and never will be. Okay??
Not angry...just tired of hearing the same, worn crapola. And your reasons for not seeing me are sophomoric and silly. I know you are afraid and you allowed fear to dominate your decision at the expense of having something with me. You need to accept that fact and live with it. I am over trying with you. I have given up and that is the truth. Understood?
M - 13 years ago
I have made no attempts to have sex with Megan. I don't talk with her on the phone....where did you get that idea? I don't talk on the phone with anyone, unless forced...haven't you been listening? I dislike phone conversations.
I don't think Bea will make a move on me...I am seeing her only for the party and it will be quite crowded...and her fiance is having it for her so will be ever-oresent. I am sure, by now...she is over me. I am not worried. We can be friends now. I will not have sex with Liz...I told her a few times, just don't feel right about it now. It probably makes no sense to you...but before her husband was not trying, not attempting to make her happy and make the relationship work...well, I suppose he (unintentionally) got a big wake-up call. Liz is doing the right thing and it is to attempt to work on the marriage, so she is in the marriage now....not teetering, no longer on the verge of separation, not working toward 'us'. It would not be a good idea for her to have intercourse anyway as the pregnancy is probably still in peril. I don't think I will se her. She is in Amsterdam and was to come to London when I was there. But, last she told me...she had to curb travel until such time the baby was stable. I don't want her to risk it. This poor little thing is struggling to survive, holding on...she needs to take it easy, have more bed rest for his sake. As far as Ana....Yes, I would be very tempted to make love to her. Sweet Ana....I do miss her. But I will not attempt to seduce her. It is up to her if she would like to see me. I can force myself to do anything...even force myself not to have sex with 3 women whom I am very sexually attracted to....and loved, at one, on some level...in in Liz's case...maybe even Ana's...still love. Last I spoke with Ana, she told me she was very happy with her boyfriend and quite smitten. That made me happy. She did, however, tell me that she would take me back anytime. She told me she could be happy without me, but is happiest with me. She said it in a cheery way so I didn't feel badly. Still...best not to start up with her knowing I do not plan to be back in London for a long while. J is toying with the notion of moving to London when these deals go through for his company. He thinks he may need to plan to be in the UK and HK a lot toward the end of this year and all of next year. So...another relo may be int he cards for me. Too early to consider...especially not knowing if this baby is going to be born...and if so, he takes priority...right? Even if Liz stays with her hubby, I still want to make sure this little guy has a good life and knows his dad.Liz is a good woman and will want me to be a large part of his life. But, to be honest...I doubt the baby will make it. My mom has been involved and I called her one day, very upset, asking her to help me. She was able to get hospital records from Amsterdam and converse with the OBs and neonatologists there. She told me it was not looking very good and to prepare myself. She also told me that she has seen worse cases that have resulted in healthy births. The uterine surgery that Liz had after the bleeding episode post-abortin has weakened the muscle and is causing sort of an early placenta previa-like condition. She may overcome it, she may not. The bleeding has completely stopped now so there is a shred of hope. The drs in Amsterdam as well as my mom are surprised that she did not miscarry. Last I heard, he was alive with a heartbeat. Liz thinks he is suffering, dying, because she left and took him away from me. She said when she stepped onto the plane she had an uneasy queasy feeling. She knew something was happening. Her 2nd day there she began feeling sick, a few days later the bleeding. She feels guilt for leaving, but I told her what my mom told me....she is experiencing this from the surgery...and it is all my fault, all over again. My mother said to me was "why, Michael, why couldn't you leave fate alone?"
Storm - 13 years ago
I know that is your phone number I have and you don't know how tempted I've been to call you on a few occasions. We have known each other for quite awhile now and you have heard my voice somewhat from my phone message but I have yet to hear your voice or your laugh. Damn it, ... I wish you would call me one of these evenings when you are lonely. If you can talk to Megan over the phone, then why can't you talk to me too? You could tell me what you want to do to me! :)
Storm - 13 years ago
I am a baby lover and I love your baby Michael. Doesn't matter that it is with another woman. It's killing me with worry as to what is happening, but I will certainly respect your wishes and just say a prayer for little Jonathon and not ask you anymore, .. but if something happens, please let me know, okay? I care, and I'll say a prayer for Liz as well.
I hope you know that it is never easy for me to see you starting up with any new woman and it takes focused mental thought to get my head in the right place. I am able to do it by putting your needs and happiness before my own and consciously reminding myself that, .. that is what love is all about. I don't want you sad and lonely, I want you fulfilled and happy. I just wish I could be the one who gives that to you. Sooooooo, ... you didn't slide your hand up under her dress when you were kissing her? :0
I won't start back up on Ellery again, ... but baby please don't do it. Don't let her come see you. I know it is your decision to make and none of my business, but I just know it will be a miserable experience for you and she will leave a basket case because she is not emotionally stable and will be devastated that you don't love her back. She is living with a bf, so wtf ? It will mess that up and she'll be a wreck. I just don't like how she manipulates you. I watched and saw that from that last poll where I warned you of Frank and Sarah spying on you, so I know she is using the same tricks again. Okay, .. I'll quit now.
Is it your intention then to visit w/ Liz but no longer have sex w/ her? I don't think you can do it! I don't think you will be able to keep your hands off each other! What if Bea comes onto you and wants sex? What will you do? How about Ana? I know you said she has a bf but she was in love w/ you and you her. Could that start back up again if you're giving up on Liz? What are your feelings about Megan as you know she wants more than just a fling?
M - 13 years ago
I think you are disappointed in me because I said bad & naughty things to Megan. LOL! Hey...I've not acted upon them. I was just being honest in my reply to her query. I thought you told me once that I was cute when I was horny and all sexual...remember???? And you are correct....Ellery is definitely trying to come out to see me and I am not sure...but I have the impression she wants me to do those bad things to her. I think she s trying to get me to fuck her. Would you rather I say those naughty things to Ellery? Would that make you happier? Hmmmmm...I don't think so....
I cannot talk about what is happening to Liz and what has happened...is potentially happening... to the baby because it makes me very upset to dwell on it. I cannot talk about it. All my fault...all my fault. The only person who knows everything is Jeffery. Please stop asking me. This is really killing me inside. Okay? You need to understand. All will be explained in due time....
M - 13 years ago
Liz is not with me anymore. Haven't you heard? She is back with her husband. She is not trying to limit me anymore. Just because she loves me and I love her does not mean either of us are to be faithful...or will ever end up together. She is in a tough situation. She is back to fucking her husband...she told me. She cares about him, a lot...I cannot argue, he has been good to her wince he found out about her pregnancy. Liz and I are all but over for now. I love her more than myself...more than anything...but she no longer calls the shots. I want her to be happy and content and to be able to live with herself guilt free. I respect the fact that she is attempting to make the marriage work. I don;t ant to be a home wrecker anymore. I need to put her in my past for now. For HER sake more than mine. Okay? I will not be with other men as that would be painful to J. But he understands that yes...I may need the company of females especially when he is not around. He gets it. He loves me and I will use my best judgement in these matters. I will not hurt him. He trusts me.
M - 13 years ago
Yes, am going to Bea's 50th bash...it is HUGE...but she really wants me to be there and I think after what we meant to each other at one time, it's the least I can do. Flying out the 29th of June--returning the July the 2nd. Was going to go earlier...but J is coming home on 24, 25, 26...plus Liz will still be in Amsterdam, most likely and will not be abel to make it to London so it didn't make sense for me to go earlier. I'll start off in London then go tot he party and depart that evening. I'll stop in London to check on my flat...prepare it for rental (am flying into to Heathrow) , then on the 1st of July, fly from London into into Brussels...then fly out of Brussels on the 2nd. That is the plan...may tweak it here and there.
Megan asked me what I "wanted" (I HATE that fucking question that has been addressed to me hundreds of times in my lifetime by countless women) Soooooo....I didn't hold back....I told Megan that right then I wanted to stroke her wet pussy (this was when I saw her this past weekend)...yeah, I know...stupid. I couldn't help it. I do want to do that. And then I told her I wanted to move my tongue along her belly, then slowly work my way south....and then focus on her clit, then and her bare pussy hole and slowly lick her entire cute little box until she loudly comes. Then I told her I dreamed about sucking her tits and stripping her naked and watching her masturbate on my window sill. This is the truth. I know...I am a very bad boy..Ha ha! THIS is really why I have been ignoring you. LOL! Oh well...it could have been you..... and now it may be her.
C'est la Vie!
Storm - 13 years ago
If you really need somebody and she can comfort you, then she is definitely the better choice over the obsessed Ellery. You should tell Ellery you already have a female to keep you company so she won't bug you anymore because I have a feeling she is. Right? Are you going to get emotionally attached to her though? You don't want to complicate your life further and hurt her all over again. Something to think about honey, .. and you know Liz will be unhappy about it. Megan is already in love w/ you, so it will get sticky too. Think about it some more before you act upon your desires. A moment of happiness and company can bring complications and more unhappiness down the road.
M - 13 years ago
It's not a matter of Adam being the hottest looking dude, facially, though he is very handsome...I happen to find him to be just very sexy. I like the way he sings, I like his personality and his demeanor as well. Great sexy eyes. I am not into tats...at all. In fact...I despise tats on females. Unsexy. Do.Not.Like. However, I like Tristan's bull tat on his arm and I dated a dude once who had tattoo on his left forearm....he had a hot bod so it was a bit sexy. Sorry to be sexist...but on women...yuck. Adam is a musician so it's all good. I think his body is smoking, and the tats do not distract....and the original layout of the pic Rickey posted has a female covering his cock-a-doodle-do with her hands...and man, is his body ever awesome. I must miss J because this guy makes me want to come now. Actually...I think Rickey posted that pic for me. LOL!
Megan wants to make love to me and she is wearing me down...though she is no longer telling me she wants to blow me. We started 'talking' again. J thinks that it's okay...I don't know. I could use some affection, love, warmth...feeling rather down. I might cave.
Storm - 13 years ago
My cousin Pam just sent me this, and I'm hoping it will make you laugh! :
Daddy, how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi babe, .. Oh good! Then you are fine and everything is okay. Yes, Adam is a hottie, but I wish he hadn't gotten so many tats on his body. I think one or two modest ones in size are fine, but I like the look of nice bare skin. I have no tats and no plan to get one. If I ever did get talked into it, .. it would be tiny tiny and maybe of a bird, deer or a rabbit. Those are my favorite animals. Would you ever get a tattoo? I have seen pictures of them on a guy's dick! Can you imagine how much that must have hurt? haha Maybe he was on drugs when he did it. He certainly couldn't have had sex for awhile.
What's new with you? I know you have a b'day coming up and I remember you saying something in the past about Bea having a big birthday celebration this time around as I believe you mentioned she hits a new decade. I remember she wants you there and that you share the same day. Are planning on going? It hits this weekend but you said J was trying to make it home this coming weekend, so would you prefer to forego that to be with Jeffery? I know I would prefer to be with the one I love ....
I Want Adam Levine So Badly! - 13 years ago
You love to speculate. Really...I'm just busy. Did you see my bf's pic on Rickey's front page of his blog. Oh.so.very.fucking.hot. God, I want to f*** him like...NOW.
I must miss J...and all that is attached to him ;)
Dude is So.God.Damn.Fucking.Hot.
Later....
Storm - 13 years ago
Uh oh, did I say something wrong? Is everything okay? Are you okay? I care ... I love you.
Storm - 13 years ago
Good morning jelly bean, .. You were in a rush last night going somewhere and I am wondering if you met up with Megan again. Don't worry, .. I won't give you a hard time about it if you did. I certainly can't blame the girl for being attracted to you and I know you are also attracted to her, .. so it only seems natural you might find some comfort with her now that Liz isn't around. I don't want you sad or hurting, and Liz is leaving you hanging in limbo, ... so tell me what your thoughts are about Megan at this point .....
Storm - 13 years ago
I was also curious what is new with Megan. Has she found herself a new boyfriend yet? I'm guessing not if she wasn't with one on a Saturday night. I know you mentioned she was having dinner w/ her parents, but I would think if she had a boyfriend, he would have gone along too. You do realize I hope, that when she decided to leave at the same time you did, that she was hoping for an invitation or at least something to happen between the two of you. She got at least half her wish. She got to kiss you passionately. Well, good for her. I would have done the same thing.
Storm - 13 years ago
You two are so well matched for each other. Somehow, .. I really think he is the only guy on the planet that you would be this compatible with and the only guy that could sway you into loving him in the same depth and manner that you do a woman. I hope I said that right. LOL I keep thinking about what that psychic predicted that his sister went to, and how he told her that J would spend his life w/ a 'Michael'. At least it went something like that. I know you don't believe that some people have that ability, but I do. Big shock, huh! haha I know how much you love Liz and her, .. you. Has she ever revealed to you why she is still with her husband? I mean, she has made it clear that she wants to be with you, so why the delay? What is she waiting for?
--- - 13 years ago
J was supposed to to come (potentially) this evening until Tuesday...but he called me this morning and said he could not make it as he was really inundated with meetings and had a deadline to meet. He had not made the progress that he had hoped. Told him it was not an issue for me if he needs to stay there instead...and that it is more important that he not be stressed. He told me he really needed to make love to me and missed me terribly ...I told him likewise...but we'll just have to do it more when he is able to make it out here. Looks like next weekend for him. I told him that I missed him sucking my cock...he just grunted and said '''ahhhhh...oh God, I have to fuck you soon honey. God I love you." Ha ha...he's awesome. I admit that I really do miss him around here. I am so used to seeing him every day since I've been back from London...my place, my home, just doesn't seem the same without him.
Don't have time to answer the other stuff now.
Gotta run....
Storm - 13 years ago
Thank you for not being upset w/ me. I was already starting to get a knot in my stomach for fear I had already made you angry again. I'm glad you had a good time, and I admire the fact that Megan acted like a lady and didn't get as aggressive as before. It shows that she respects your boundaries and is putting your wishes and desires before her own. That is how a true friend and lady should conduct themselves, so she has gained my respect for her now. I'm proud of you too, .. I'm sure the temptation was hard to resist.
When do you get to be w/ Jeffery again? How about Liz? Will you get to see her soon? I am worried about little Jonathon, .. I realize honey, that it must be something really bad since you keep avoiding talking about it, .. but if you would just share it once w/ me, I'll leave it alone. I don't know if it is wise of me to talk about Tony with you, but I think you might find this interesting, especially since you shared with me that story about Napoleon. Tony's mom was a very petite tiny woman that stood at 4'11" and his dad was 5'6". Tony was born premature at 7 months and weighed only 1.5 lbs. Obviously a tiny tiny baby, and he has suffered from asthma all his life, but was otherwise healthy till his job likely made him sick with the leukemia. He said he is around a lot of PCB's and the wiring on trains is coated w/ asbestos because it keeps the wires from over heating. Tony may be of short stature, but he is handsome as all get out and the women are always after him. I feel quite happy that I am the one he chooses. We get along well and laugh a lot.
I often think that if you knew me over the phone or if you were to meet me in person, you would be surprised how easy I am to get along with Michael. I really am very soft spoken and easy going and definitely not a constant talker. I carry conversations well, but am a very good listener too. It takes a whole lot to get me mad and I am always a peace maker, .. truly. I can't stand being at odds w/ people, and I am very tactful, .. though I realize I have failed a few times on here w/ you and didn't quite choose my words as wisely as I should have. I just have the feeling that if we were together face to face, you would find that some of your perceptions of me are slightly off from what I am really like. I find humor in almost everything and it takes very little to make me laugh. Your sense of humor is absolutely delightful and is one of the very first things that attracted me to you. Your sensitive and observant nature also attracts me very much. There are many other things about you as well, but those qualities stand out. I also like that you are so sexual and sexually open as well. That helped me to get back in touch with my sexual side which I had also shut down in myself.
M - 13 years ago
I am not angry at you. Who cares about Ellery....stop letting concerns over her drain your energy. She is a non-entity as far as you should be concerned. Okay? Even Megan...she is not that bad, truly. Look...I went to Hudson's (Which is a very high-class, not a pick-up joint type place--not a bar) because a dude I work with goes there most Sat evenings. 4 of us went together. Megan was not there when we arrived (and she goes out usually very late..like most NYers)...but her friends were there whom I recognized from the first time we met. One of her friends came over t us (Sunil...a dude from work, has a crush on her). She said to me "Oh hi, Megan isn't here but she'll be sad she missed you. " So Sunil says to her "call her, we'll be there for a while." ugh--wanted to smack him. Anyway...the friend said "Well, err...I think she might be coming later." The friend was covering for Megan knowing Megan would come to see me from wherever she was...but didn't want to make it look like Megan was desperate. So...she showed up about an hour and a half or so later. She was dressed in a very pretty white dress...she had been out to dinner with her parents who are in town visiting. She was sweet and not at all pushy or sexual this time. I thanked her for understanding my predicament and respecting my wishes. She kissed me on the cheek and smiled saying "no problem." She said I should still feel free to call her anytime. She did not make a move (well...not really) and did not proposition me this time. She told me she really missed me. I just smiled. About an hour later I announced tot he group that I was tired so was leaving. She said she was leaving too. I got nervous...she said to me "don't worry...I was planning on separate cabs." I walked her outside flagged down her cab and planted one right on the lips and yes....we kissed for about 2 minutes in her cab, stationary, with the meter running. I got very aroused, as usual, but said my goodbyes nonetheless. That was it. Not very scandalous, right?
Storm - 13 years ago
Okay babe, .. I apologize for my choice of words and I didn't mean to insult you. I just have a hard time stomaching the manipulations I know she uses on you, and you seem to fall for it. I'm just trying to watch your back and warn you what she is up to and what she is really after so you don't end up in a miserable situation. I won't mention her anymore, .. okay? Please don't get mad at me again .... :(
M - 13 years ago
Why are you making all of these presumptions about Ellery?...you hardly know her and just stop it with your 'know-it-all' attitude please. You always have to try to prove that you have this intuitive knowledge about people when it is only a good guess...which MANY of us are capable of having...only we don't continually espouse it...okay? She is not that bad and frankly, she is nicer to me than you have been lately. I get it--you hate her, a lot. But in her defense, she has never insulted me the way you do (which I know you will find a way to blame me or say I prompted your cutting and poisonous words...) .... she has simply never uttered to me the dreadful things you have UNPROMPTED. Let's put this to rest. She is not a horrific person, and to use your phrasing...I KNOW this! Lol! relax already. My penis is in no danger.
That is rather insulting and crudely worded to judgmentally say that there are much easier ways for me to "find a piece of ass." Why do you say such things? There are certainly better ways for you get a piece of ass with a functional dick instead of that lame-brained, backward, misogynistic reclusive redneck with a dwarfed dick (and body to go along with it). HOW DOES THAT FEEL? Turnabout is fair play...yes? Only my assessment is more accurate. I am not looking for 'a piece of ass'....if someone is kind, nice and friendly...I simply find no reason to turn them away. Again....I am NOT looking for a piece of ass, however...if it is offered and I CHOOSE to take it, that is my business!! Getting a piece of ass this has NEVER been my goal in life or even something I've practiced for sport. How insulting.
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lol!
Old habits die hard! LOL Don't even know why I'm here. Gotta get pleasantly use to emails and phone calls from you now. *sigh* Goodbye Rickey's ....
P.S. Speaking of which, I just left you an email and I hope you still plan to call me tonight as planned. Loving you as always, .. Storm XOX
LOL...it is all clear now. Not to worry. Thanks for the e-mails too...that is definitely a better way to communicate. I am all but giving up this board and Idol anyway, as we talked about last night. Can't wait for Simon's XFactor. Will be nice to see him and Paula. Remember back when on this board people were wondering if --Paula Abdul was indispensable on Idol--? The show craps now and has since her exit so I guess the answer may be 'yes'.
Later ....
For my sweet babe on this very special day, ' From The Beginning ' by Emerson, Lake, & Palmer. This world is such a better place because you are in it. " You were meant to be here. " And with me very soon! ;)
I loved our conversation on the phone last night. You are absolutely everything I knew you would be. I'm so glad we can communicate that way now .... and leave this behind. I love you, .. Sherlock
YES !!! I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME !! I WANT YOU TO COME SEE ME !! :) I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE. I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF YOU !! Call me so we can plan it, there is more I want to tell you but can only say over the phone. Private info, say no more here ... I love you baby, .... SHERLOCK
Not true. You must tell me what you want...exactly...then I'll call you. Don't you mislead or dick me around anymore, no more cock teasing. If you choose not to come to me--TELL ME. Be honest and I shall understand and abide by your wishes. Cut the shit. If you want me to come out--tell me. Be honest with me. If we are to meet definitively, only then shall I will call you. If you back out on me after I call you...I shall never forgive you. Last chance. Honesty please. Either you want me to make love to you...or you don't. It's pretty simple. YES or NO.......
"If you love me, say you love me...but if you don't just let me go...."
Give me a call tonight lover boy, ... it's the only way. I love you, .. Storm
XOX
When would you be able to come here and for how long ? I'm terribly sorry Michael but this might be the best answer.
The truth means losing him and for good. There is no way he would understand this, and he has also offered as of recently to pay for my coming to see him. He works in midtown Manhattan. I didn't sleep at all well the night before last because of what he did, and last night he talked to me until 11:30pm my time then I was so tired that I went to bed and slept good until 2:30am which is when Jamie got home and then my kids were restless and wanting out, so then I found myself wide awake and unable to sleep anymore, so I got up and laid on a chaise lounger on my patio so I could star gaze. It was really a beautiful night with a slight crescent moon and the Milky Way right above me. I saw a couple of meteors skimming our atmosphere. The sound of my waterfall and my frogs croaking and crickets singing was soothing. I stayed out there for a couple of hours thinking hard about what to tell him. Couldn't come up with anything. If I tell him I am going to visit a friend, he will insist on details. I'm screwed .... Let me keep thinking about this.
How was your evening w/ Jeffery? Did you go to the party?
No answer from you yet...predictable. LOL...guess the truth is not an option for you. Stop the excuses,make a decision and stop looking for reasons (Tony) to back out once again. If it is too hard for you to come to me...I can come there...though w/ my travel schedule and work commitments, brother, etc. it is more difficult. But if that means you being home for Tony's call...then I suppose it is all worth it. HE certainly is controlling you now isn;t he? LOL. Decide.
Ideas? Sure yes...what about the truth. Always works for me.
Hi babe, .. I need to talk to Jamie and Missy which I will do tomorrow and just make sure Jamie won't be house sitting at his dad's during that time and Missy is agreeable which I know she will be. The biggest problem now is Tony! Everything is back to normal between us and he calls every single day multiple times. How am I going to explain my absence? Especially after what just happened. I know you would like me to blow him off, but there is a very good side to him and we enjoy each other. If you could help me brainstorm that would be great. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose him. I know you will be cringing when I say that but I do feel love for him. Those dates sound fine but I need to figure this out first. Let me sleep on it tonight and see if I can think of something. Right now my mind is blank on coming up with anything he would believe and I hate lying to him. I hope I can think of something. Any ideas?
I think it's "Glinda" the Good Witch...not "Gilda". LOL!
Tried to hold off but cannot. I must respond to your post re: Tiny....errrr...I mean 'Tony'. Ummm...you say ..." when conflict arises it is best to communicate and try to explain yourself..." So, let's see...conflict arose because you did not answer the phone when he called. So because of that, he sent you a message saying he blocked you and would not talk to you or communicate with you anymore because you were not sincere in your declaration of affection toward him. So, this is based on the fact that you did not pic up the phone when it rang. Hmmmm...do ya think this is a tad controlling? Irrational? Scare, perhaps? LOL! I think this guy is a control freak extraordinaire and you are making excuses for him. You dare have issues with me? My God, of course I am worried about you. How could I NOT be? He is alone for good reason...okay? Not too hard to figure out.
Please let me know ASAP if the 5th-11th works still. I know you seemed wide open with dates, especially with Gilda the Good Witch at your disposal...but beforeI make it official, I need to know or I'll lose the tickets.. I have many frequent flier miles to set up a very nice flight for you...but I have to do it very soon. Do please let me know. If you'd like to stay longer that is fine too...we'll figure out
J was not actually serious about proposing. He knows me better than that. Marriage is not something that is necessary to sustain a relationship (I feel this way and I know he does) and I am certainly not there with him anyway. ...in fact, I believe the institution of marriage can actually contribute to the dissolution of a relationship. But...that's just my opinion.
J and I are going to a dinner with his friends and then maybe stop by a get together (party, of sorts) that another of his friends is having. He told me there would be plenty of single, attractive women there...and his preference is that I do not flirt or come on to anyone (women) who is connected to his work or while I ma with him. I thought that was fair. I wouldn't anyway. I have more love interests than I can handle...J, Liz, Megan and now you since you finally agreed to see me . I wasn't sure if you were really interested since you seem to only agree when I got upset and it is not my wish nor my desiree to pressure you. I asked J today when he is expected to come back again. I will be gone 29 June--2 July. J is planning to come on the 2nd as well and be here until Monday the 4th and fly back to DC very early morning of July 5. So, if you can come on July 5 or 6 and stay until July 11 or for as long as you like...that would work well. J says he will try to come home again on the 15th-16th weekend. On July 13 and 14 I am at a conference in the city so would be busy from 8:00 am until 8:00 pm and not able to pay much attention to you. so, I think, since you asked me, the dates of July 5 through 11th work best. I need to know so I can arrange your flight and you can stay with me at my place, or I can book you a nice hotel room close to me (and visit as much as possible), whatever makes you feel comfortable. Let me know about the dates. Let me know what you want to do. No pressure.
Jeepers Michael, .. just because I explain to him what I was doing means you're gonna lose respect for me? It is my belief when conflict arises, it is best to try to communicate and explain yourself. What could possibly be wrong with that? He is at least up front with admitting he has trust issues with women, so we start from that, and I try to reassure him that I have not betrayed him and that my not answering the phone was because I was in the backyard. I hold great affection for him and I enjoy him so I don't think I deserve to lose your respect because of that. I told you I will be wary of his behavior and keep an eye on whatever else develops w/ him. He has treated me very good Michael up to that episode. I think he deserves another chance and this is all part of the process of learning how to trust and get along with each other, especially when conflict arises.
Wish I could be the little fly on your wall when you get it on w/ Jeffery. Uh oh, there's that little voyeur in me coming out. Enjoy babes, you both deserve some fun and relaxation.
No marriages for me, if possible. That includes, especially, gay marriage.
He is controlling you and you are enabling it. YOU are the one to blame at this point for whatever transpires from here on. You asked for it. Let's all sit back and all witness history repeating itself. Jeesh--have you no self-respect? Why do you have to grovel and kowtow to the likes of him? He will keep on doing it and you deserve it, at this point. How dense can you be? I don't have an issue w/ you giving that loser a 2nd chance...but to explain yourself and try to convince him of your innocence is simply pathetic. No wonder why he doesn't respect you...I no longer do. Who the hell would? I know this is worded strongly so apologies, in advance, for pissing you off.
I am waiting for J to come home from work so I can enjoy a day in bed with someone who treats me with respect. Try it sometime.....
Haha Sorry, .. I didn't see your texting back and forth until I just posted. Did he get in last night? I take it as a yes! So happy for you darling. He just proposed to you! Would you ever consider sealing the deal w/ him if things w/ Liz don't work out?
Good Lord! Do you remember that married next door neighbor of mine that tried to get cozy with me last year? Well, he came over earlier this morning bringing one of my water frogs back over to me that had somehow escaped my yard into his. He brought his very pretty and adorable granddaughter over w/ him so she could see my ponds, fish and waterfall and I'm sure they were hoping to see the two red glider water turtles they gave me, but they were in hiding. He just showed back up at my door alone and brought me some plastic tubing for my swamp cooler because I told him I was going to have to replace my copper tubing that runs water from my faucet over to the cooler since it developed a few leaks. Before he left I could feel the vibe he was gonna try to hug me a bunch again and I tried to keep a distance from him, but of course he walked over to me and gave me an uncomfortable tight hug and then he tried to kiss me! I turned my head away and told him, " PJ, I can't do that, .. you're married! And I like your wife, she's a good woman. " He then said, " I know, .. I'm sorry. " Geez! That was awkward and now I feel very uncomfortable around him. He and his family have been very good to me and they're good neighbors. He has helped me out a few times with advice or helped with my cooler or lighting my furnace. I sure hope he gets the picture now ...
Well, Tony called me about an hour ago and I'm glad he did. I told him I was innocent of any wrong doing and explained again what happened. He admitted he has serious trust issues with women. I asked him, " Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me? " And he said, " Well, I don't know. " I tried to reassure him that I love him and that those two guys mean nothing to me and that if he wanted, I'd drop them. He admitted that it wouldn't be fair of him to expect that of me when he has female friends he keeps in contact with. I told him I would rather do that if it means losing him. He said he sees things as black and white with no gray, to which I declared once again, " But I'm innocent! I was just in my backyard taking care of my dog. " He was silent for a few seconds, then he told me he was on his way back up to Albany and Troy so he could retrieve a few items of importance from the storage locker where he still has his parent's belongings stored. He has inherited around a hundred various stocks from his aunt and time shares in Florida, Vegas, and Hawaii from his parents. I asked him if he would restore me on the date site and he said he would think about it on the way back home. I told him to call me later because we need to talk about this some more and we ended the conversation saying our customary I love you's and a kiss to each other. I feel certain he will call again and I know you won't be happy with this, but I would like to work through this. I enjoy talking with him and I care immensely about him. I'll let you know what develops. Not to worry babe, your words have not fallen on deaf ears. I am not dismissing any advice you've given me, but I don't want to be at odds with him, especially over something so small as this misunderstanding was. I will keep a keen watch for any other red flags that may pop up about him.
Is Jeffery on his way home? I'm so happy for you! When was the last time you saw him?
Detained, but leaving in 10 min. Can't wait to lick that rock hard ass again. Love you babe.
Jefferson
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Dan at Zara's so we are alone until 5:00. come home hard and horny and ready to give it to me. Strip naked in the foyer, then join me in the bdrm. That's an order. ;)
Michael
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I'm ready dude! Home fast before I start touching myself. Daddy's waaaatiiiing!
Michael
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verizon.net
5867oyp0093T1
Babe- what a homecoming! You really missed me, you weren't fooling, left you whilst u were snoring! So peaceful & handsome and your dick looked happy 2!I am in office til 3 or 4 and then the weekend is ours. So much grand fucking and sucking and love to deliver to you. Marriage equality now legal here babe. Say the word and I'll rock yours 4 ever. Love u so fucking much I am dizzy with passion. fuck work, am leaving now--get ready.
Jefferson
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verizon.net
Verizon, Rule the air!
You hear one side of the story with regard to his wife. His behavior is abhorrent, cowardly and insecure. He got to thinking about these guys and got jealous. I don't trust him. He is a loser. I will bet he mistreated his wife (she may have mistreated him as well...) and YOU ARE ONLY HEARING ONE SIDE. He is most certainly sexist if not a full blown misogynist. I cannot tell you how many seemingly 'good guys' tell me how their wives screwed them and had them arrested, etc. It is not that easy to do in NY or NJ in these highly populated and regulated state. You cannot just get someone arrested on your word. This one dude with whom I worked was telling me these horror stories about his x wife spreading scurrilous lies about him to his kids...using him for his money, and then having him arrested when they got into a fight because he says she fabricated that he hit her...when she was the one who hurt him. Anyway...I thought it odd his kids didn't like him...let's face it...if he were a good father, he would have a relationship w/ them. Period. Well, this guy began dating a female at work...a younger, pretty receptionist. Within a few months she was at work with a bruised eye. Then to find out, he was physically harming her....and was emotionally abusive, jealous, controlling...all of the things he accused his wife of being. He was arrested, fired, the gf took him to court. My point is...nobody EVER would have guessed this nice, generous guy was an emotionally abusive and physical abusive prick. It is not a grand leap from jealous, controlling, emotionally manipulative boyfriend to abuser. Your groveling phone calls and letters were the last thing this dick deserved. The handwriting is on the wall. Yup...he was jealous that you talked with other guys...and he was inferring that one of them were the one whom you were speaking with when you did not answer his call. His lack of sexual functioning is probably making him insecure. you should tell him "Tony, if you want an exclusive relationship, tell me. it's a 2 way street...but we both have to abide."
You may not believe it now...but you are much better off w/out him. It was a matter of time. these guys are charming at first...and probably not totally bad...he does have his good points and he even tries to be a good person. But I am not at all surprised at his irrational and controlling behavior, sorry to say...
Hi Michael, .. Thank you VERY much for your input. This hit me like a brick in the face when he pulled this on me. He knows I usually get Bo out to run around 6pm, but I fell asleep around 5pm and when I awoke it was 8pm! I couldn't believe I slept for 3 hours. He called around 8:20 and I didn't think of taking the phone out w/ me because he usually calls later than that. We had talked earlier several times and a discussion started about all these women that contact him on the date site which are many all the time. One in particular is a lady from Germany that wanted to skype w/ him which he won't do and she has the hots bad for him and sends him kiss icons all the time. I know this because it shows the gifts he receives from women and it is constant. I told him she really has the hots for him and told him one word of encouragement from him and she will show up at his door. He said she can't because she doesn't know his address and he says she is way over in Germany. I told him there is such a thing as an airplane. I asked him if he flirts w/ her and he said no, that he just talks to her normally as a friend. I know I am the only one he talks to on the phone and I know because it shows me that he only checks his mail on that site usually once a week so that tells me there is no one he is seriously interested in. He says the women even get mad at him for not responding more often. He deletes most of them. I told him once that when he takes his profile down, then I will take mine down. He just says he can't because he has friends with illnesses on there that he supports and talks to. He has had his profile on there for 2 or 3 yrs. I decided to share w/ him that I only have two guys currently that I talk to ( John Cline being one of them and now a new one who moved here from Colorado) He immediately said they are trying to get in my pants and I told him that what they may want and what they will get are two separate things. He always claims that he just talks to these ladies as friends and I proved to him that is what I am doing w/ these guys by reading him some of my correspondence w/ them. And the irony is, we made love over the phone yesterday afternoon for the first time as he finally seems to have his sex drive back. The only other time since he has been back was one time during his shingles when he did it just for me but he said he was in too much pain to participate himself. So, the last we talked yesterday that is what just happened and we were both very happy and it was left that he would call me back later, which of course led to this unexpected behavior. As soon as I put Bo away I came in and discovered his message. Tried sending one back w/ explanation and that is when I discovered he already blocked me and removed me as his friend so my message didn't go through. I then tried calling him 3 or 4 times and explained on those messages and he hasn't called back. I then wrote him a letter immediately w/ explanation, threw a stamp on it and made a trip into town to mail it last night. I didn't put my return address for fear he would throw it in the trash without reading. I can't believe he wouldn't even give me the courtesy of explaining myself and dissed me so quickly! We never fight, not even once. Only time before was his jealousy of you and he canceled his trip the first time. I am sure he doesn't know you and I are talking again, it has to be these two guys that have him feeling insecure. Well, I'm leaving it be. I've made my effort and the ball is in his court. If I mean so little to him that he does this with no sensible reason, then I'm letting him go with no further fight to get him back. I will admit to you honey that he has a big mistrust of women and a resentment of them because of what his ex and the court system has put him through which has been hell. I was hoping to show him that not all women are bad. If he doesn't respond within a few days, then he is in my past.
AND if you call him and leave him a vm--DO NOT PLEAD,BEG OR SOUND UPSET! Remember...be confused as to his message like it has you puzzled because you do not understand it. Make him feel like the overreacting jerk that he is. Simply remark that you thought he trusted you. BE CALM on the other line too. But...I would advise ignore ing the prick...or opening a new date account. How hard could that be?
member."
AND DO NOT tell him that you have been crying or how upset you are. Act all confused , bewildered and astonished by his behavior because you thought the 2 of you "had trust and that he loved you." Reacting in the manor he wants (pleading, begging, seeming heartbroken and upset with out-of-control emotions) will only cause him too become more stubborn and repeat this in the future. He will repeat it anyway...because that is who he is. Good luck ...
Why is he acting this way? Because he is exactly what I thought he was...a controlling jerk. Why you are more interested in him than this other guy John, who seems intelligent and decent is completely beyond me. You sure know how to pick 'em. Stop looking for losers to save!!! Tony is a loser. I'm sorry to say this. Maybe he is a hard worker and financially responsible...but he is not someone who will treat you well, as he is probably not fully capable. He obviously has many deep insecurities and is very sexist toward women and has anger toward the female gender....don't have to be Freud to figure that one out. Get closer to this dude and, I am afraid, he will bring you misery. He has, among other maladies, "little man's syndrome." You are being punished for caring about him...that is how these people work.
It is controlling and immature and childish for him to figuratively stamp his feet and tell you he is breaking it off because you don't care enough about him because you didn't pick up the phone when he called???? Like...you are supposed to sit by the phone just for him? and then tell you he is ignoring you. What is he...8 years' old? Not only do I question his psychological health.... I would question anyone who would make fanatical statements about women as he did...and you let it go unquestioned. THIS is showing how much resect he has for you. It is a wake up call. However....if you are really that depressed over this jerk...you are smart enough outsmart him (so are your dogs, most likely) why not open another account through the date site and send him a message. Two can play at his head games. Don't beg, don't plead....don't kowtow to him don't write stupid shit like---"all I ever gave you was love and tried to add light to your life...." which is also a form of desperate pleading. DO NOT defend yourself or say "I swear I was out feeding the dogs...you must believe me!!" THAT is all these losers need to continue their emotionally abusive games. . HE IS CONTROLLING AND DANGEROUS AND A DICK WAD! However, if you must send him something, Say something like this:
Dear Tony, You made me open a new account to communicate with you. I am so confused! I thought you really loved me and cared about me as much as I do you. Why would you block me, of all people? I thought we had a relationship built on trust and yet you have blocked me! I have no idea what could have happened! I am deeply confused so please clear up the confusion. I was waiting for your call all day and had to take my dog outside. Why would you do this to me if you love me? Is everything okay? Love, the Sap
NOT that I think he deserves any response from you ...because if his psychotic, immature, games work and he talks to you again....you will forever be waiting for the next irrational reaction and feel as if you are walking on glass. Why must you always thrive in psychologically abusive relationships? I am sure it bothers him that you have not removed your profile. Has he removed his? Maybe you two should have an agreement. Not to seem paranoid....but do you think he discovered this place where we are chatting? that would make sense if he were jealous. Any chance of that? Even a remote one?
Some other things obvious to me is his change since he returned from NM...his sudden illness (shingles does not linger in the system that long, even in the immune deficient) and how you don't do phone sex...oops! I mean "making love" on the phone anymore...etc. I think he wanted to see if his dick finally worked again after the illness, treatments, etc and he is disappointed....and he feels inferior as a man and the fact that you still accept him and love him makes him feel a resentment toward you...you know his inadequacies and some men, many men, have a hard time handling that (especially as it relates to sexual dysfunction) ....so he is punishing you. Sort of like the Woody Allen mantra "I don't want to belong to a club where they would have me as a
JESUS !! Tony just broke up with me because he just tried calling me when I was outside taking care of Bo and he thinks I must have been on the other line talking to someone else, yet he said it went to my answer machine. He left me this note on Datehookup and so I wrote him back explaining and it wouldn't go through because he blocked me! I just tried calling him twice and left him messages but he isn't calling me back. I did nothing wrong! My gosh, why is he acting this way???
goldengiant
online now!
6/24 8:47 PM
Hi, just tried calling ya.......twice and went to answering machine so I figured that you are talking with someone from here or there........I will not be calling ya anymore being that you may feel one way, but react another.......so wish you luck of happiness in your adventures of doing what you know what you would like to do........I want to thank you for everything and really trying to make me believe I was the one and only when all along I knew sometime would come when the truth will come to light........I will no longer answer your messages nor bother you on the phone, so please don't try cause I will ignore everything..........Wish you the best and hope someday you will find someone you are truly compatiable with........you will always be in my thoughts.......
Anybody who has been with you falls madly in love with you Michael and wants to stay with you so I am guessing it will be the same with me. I'm just a little scared of getting hurt. That can hurt like hell you know ... Maybe I am being selfish and I haven't considered your feelings enough. I'm terribly sorry for that. I am in a mildly good situation at the moment having Missy around to help take care of my house and dogs. Jamie is gone so much and can be a bit spacey so I feel ill at ease trusting him to water everything and taking proper care of 4 dogs. Missy is much more responsible and trustworthy with doing things right I feel. Her bf has a house and two dogs somewhat near me, maybe 5 to 8 miles from here and she learned yesterday that he is leaving at 3am this coming morning for a job in San Diego that will last around a month. She was asked by him to stay at his house and take care of his dogs, but she told me she could pop in here to check on my dogs and ponds as well. Sooooo, if I was to come visit you lover boy, how long would you like me there and when? Let's at least talk about this and consider it, okay? Do you know what days in July that J will be home and which ones not?
s/b 'easily", not "easy."
Ana and I are fine...we will not date again and I will not have sex with her...we are friends and in a good place...but I never led her to believe that we had something lasting. We knew each other for a very short time before we became intimate and we knew it was not something that was going to be enduring...or last for the long run. She helped me at a time when I needed someone...when nobody else was there for me...including when you made your bull shit selfish excuses as to why you could not be with me. She holds no ill will toward me...so stop acting like she is waiting n the wings. If, for some reason, I offered my heart to her...she may take it...but she does not expect it. You are looking for reasons to keep me at bay and I am sick of it. Waiting until I am free? Well, you may have a long wait. And how selfish is that? Do you really think I would even give you a chance then, like I have, when you didn't trust me and refused to take a chance on me...but are only willing when you feel comfortable because you think you'll have what you want from me....no so-called competition? That is so selfish and against what you say you feel from me. Love? That's not love....that is you and only you wanting to meet your own needs. thanks a lot.You think love comes without risk? Please! Anything worth having is never attained easy. Fool you are!
You are so selfish. You care about your feelings only. I'll say it again.... you are a cock tease. Your post above proves it. All you care about is yourself and your stupid, childish self-absorbed fear of supposedly 'getting hurt" --give me a break. You are not 19. I don't give a shit about what has happened to you in the past...move on. I AM NOT AN ASSHOLE. I DO NOT MISTREAT WOMEN. I DO NOT HURT PEOPLE. Stop being so self-absorbed, pitiful and immature. You think only of yourself, self-preservaton and your own needs and feelings. How selfish. Not mad...just disappointed at what you have become. You are a liar and you deceive yourself. Prove me wrong. Go ahead. You can't.....all I hear coming from you is pathetic self-pity and frankly, I've had my fill. with you. You are playing with me and I do not like it! You are boringly self-absorbed and predictable. I will NEVER call you. I gave you so many fucking chances and all you care about is YOU. You treat me like shit...what the fuck did I do to deserve your constant 'cockteasery'?
Babe, .. You might want to pay special attention to her wording which reveals where her head is and her thought process. She thanked you for the "affection." And yes, that is what it was, some affection but it has a slight different meaning to her than probably to you. She still loves you and is looking for any opportunity to get more "affection" out of you and to deepen it into a full blown relationship with the hope she can get you to love her back. This is only natural and I can't blame her for that, but like J mentioned, .. if you don't want to go in that direction then best you leave her alone for now or she will get hurt no matter how much you warn her otherwise. The very next visit will be full blown sex, I guarantee it. I hope you are keeping a few raincoats with you at all times and never trust what a woman tells you dear heart. You will be seeing Ana soon most likely and maybe you should hold off on any other ladies for now until you are sure of the direction your life is headed in and you know what you want. It's not like you don't have anyone or a sexual release. You still have J as a constant in your life.
You ask me why I still hesitate on coming to see you. Michael, it has ALWAYS been your heart I am after, .. and everything attached to that. I have never in my life been after a man for just sex. Am I old fashion? Maybe so. If any man has EVER made me tempted to go for just that, .. it is you! My God I want you BADDDDDDD! But I am already in love with you so it would be for more than that anyway, .. at least that is what you would be receiving from me. Heart, mind, emotions, and spirit, .. all showered upon and given to you if we are lovers. It is not that I would demand that back in return because all that has to be freely given and felt. Either it is there in both people or it isn't, and your heart already belongs to J, Liz, and maybe Ana? My chances of being in your heart aren't looking too good right now and I don't want to get hurt, nor do I want to further complicate your life right now Michael when you are struggling for a direction to go in. When the dust settles a bit, I would like to see where the pieces fall and if your baby survives and you end up back with Liz. She is the one who truly has your heart. I cannot in my mind give up on seeing you. I don't want to and I just can't and I want you to know that when the day comes that you REALLY need me, .. then I will come to you and be there for you.
Yes...you are correct. I assume that the mutual masturbation and the lack of mutual sexual contact will not stay at bay for long. It's only human nature. I had to muster up the strength and fortitude to hold back yesterday. When I came over to her to help her with her 2nd orgasm when she was still not fully sated....I was still naked and could feel myself growing hard again and I wanted to shove my cock inside of her....or have her suck it, to be very frank, but I held back. I think if this were to continue...I would weaken and we would most definitely have sex at least, oral sex. So I need to be careful. She only sent me 2 messages so far and they were tame...so no big deal. No pressure from her either. But...I can tell she likes me...and she really likes my cock-a-dodole do and mention that specifically, several times. :D
Well, I have been lucky of late in the female attention department...not sure why. There have been times when it had been a year that I had not had sex...despite my best efforts. Then when I'm really not looking for it...it sort of is there, in spades. I guess I should not complain. I think when you are not looking for it, you are more relaxed, at ease and it just happens when you don't expect it. I have been rejected, as a whole, more by women than I have been accepted. THAT is the truth. Maybe having J and my confidence there helps. Also...I am very frank with women about my lifestyle, my relationship with J and as of late...Liz's pregnancy. I think some women really like the honesty and it turns them on. Good for me. I am not looking to get laid...I know you don't believe that.
I did tell J. He is so sweet. He said "it's okay babe. It doesn't sound that bad, and you have been beating yourself up about Liz and I don't want to add to that. I love you and I trust you. Just make sure you don't hurt this girl if you can avoid it, okay? " I asked him if he is sure he felt okay about the mutual masturbation and touching her clit,etc. and he assured me he did. He said after Liz, he feels he can handle anything. And then he said "remember, babe, no cock unless it is attached to me.....I'm only so understanding."
Well, you like to always say how you are envious and wish it were you. but, still you look for excuses not to see me (I KNOW you want to....but you won't), and even utter this bs about someday we will experience each other...blah blah. No, it is kinda too late, thanks in no small part to you. And you know if you sincerely wanted to...you could come out to see me. You know I'd foot the bill...you have 'Gilda the Good Witch' to watch Cujo and company....you aren't working...you have no ties there and can easily be away for a few days...yet, you avoid it or put it off...so it will never happen. You need to maintain the fantasy of 'what could be'....why is that?
Hi baby, .. Well, there might be a little tinge of jealousy running through me, but I think it is mostly wishful thinking with a touch of sadness that it isn't me that is with you. I love you and am seriously attracted to you all the way to hell and back so it hurts just a little bit but at the same time makes me very happy that someone is there to comfort you and bring you some moments of joy and bliss. I wish it was me. I know it almost makes you angry to hear me say that but I am telling you that in all sincerity and from my heart. As time is evolving and your situation keeps changing with the women that come and go in your life, the one thing that stays constant no matter what is, .. my deep feelings and love for you and even when we are at odds that doesn't change. As I mentioned before to you, .. my love for you is unconditional and constant, .. never changing. Maybe Liz feels that way for you too, and I know without doubt as he has proven it time and again, Jeffery is completely selfless and unconditional in his love for you. Well, all except for his request that you stay away from other men, but that is understandable and even if you strayed he would forgive you and stay, so that is still back to being unconditional love.
Your reserve and wisdom not to get involved with Megan emotionally right now really impresses me honey. I will say that if you go back for a repeat of what you just did, it is likely to go a step farther and eventually you will be intimate with her and then the emotions will come into play. How can they not? Since she is not acting so aggressive and forward like she was, .. I see her now more like a lady and I'm liking her better. She is letting you call the shots instead of acting like a ........ well, I won't say it.
It is best not to say or do anything that would cause stress or sadness on Liz right now as it could very likely affect the baby. If I was in her shoes, and of course I am not able to know how deeply or not she loves her husband so that makes it hard for me to know what she is going through, but it is my belief she loves you more. It would make me feel very melancholy and sad everyday that I am not with you, even if I did love my husband a little bit but not as much. And to know the baby inside me is yours yet you aren't there to go through this pregnancy process with me would be devastating and very sad for me. This goes back to what Jeffery was talking about when he was saying that this is all part of the bonding process both to her and your baby. She has to be feeling pretty sad about this I would think. However honey, I agree with you in that she needs to be the one to decide to leave her hubby without pressure from you. I think you're doing the right thing.
*you're (not 'your') jealous. Hate when I do that!
Here you go....eat your heart out :)
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Hi Michael!
Thanks you for delivering the boxes. I am nearly packed and the movers are coming at 7:00 in the morning on Monday. The landlord at my new rental is allowing me to move in early and he isn't charging me rent until July 1! I am aware that Jeffrey is home this weekend, so would you like to stop by my new place on [insert/remove/insert] unit 406E, next weekend and toast to my new home? I wouldn't mind a repeat of what happened yesterday, but that is completely up to you! I had no hint of what you were really packing down there! I think I blushed at least once when it was revealed, but you made me feel so relaxed as it continued. Thanks for the boxes, the company and for the affection, especially.
Love,
Megan
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Excuse my terrible typos in the last 2 messages. I was up until very late last night and up early this morning. Slept 2 hours last night...3 the night prior. A lot on my mind. Truth be told, last night I was thinking about Megan and how incredibly hot she looked in that chair and had trouble sleeping. Hey---I'm a dude, after all....right? I have to be honest, I don't feel any guilt about it. I feel like, under normal circumstances, I may not be looking for or require affection or female companionship ...and with what has happened w/ Liz and with J away...it felt good to be comforted and to have a sexual release with someone who seems to really care about me as a person....she is very nice and kind to me. And while someone might think mutual masturbation is sex....I disagree. I had to hold back, a lot...because I felt that if I had intercourse that it would have made me...and her feel, perhaps, more emotionally connected. Anyway....Liz is no longer placing restrictions on me...and she is not in the position to since she is back with her husband. J said something that surprised me. He said that if Liz is with him now while she is pregnant with my child....he think it unlikely that she will ever leave since this is the time, during pregnancy, a woman is most vulnerable emotionally...and since it is my baby...not hubby's... and I am the one she loves..it makes sense for her to gravitate to me, not him. If she is not now...he feels she will stay with him long term, not me. Then he said "if you want her, you need to go on that plane ....urge her to return and fly back with her...or it is all but over, babe." Well, I appreciated this from J and the dude has such strong instincts and is usually very astute with these things (that is why he is such a good businessman). The problem is...I can't urge her back and as I am still uncertain whether I can make it work. She needs to come to me of her own accord to make sure this is what she wants and she is willing to accept everything about me. I can't blame her for not coming to me, at all. I think I can be reticent and aloof in my manner when it comes to serious relationships....I always end up in them, but it is rarely my choice...they just end up being serious. And if she asked me...I would, for her sake and for the baby's sake commit to her...but I can't guaranty that I wouldn't disappoint her. She is risk-averse I suppose. I love her so much...but she needs more than that from me.
So...yes, I think you would find Megan quite pretty. She is not as classy or refined-looking as Liz...she is more casual and natural in her appearance...maybe a bit more hip-looking too where Liz is very classic looking, I guess. I liked that Megan was into pleasing my fetish and did not complain that she wanted to fuck me instead....Liz is like that too, very willing, very consensual and very into my little, benign perversions. If was funny though....Megan said something to me that only Liz has said. After the mutual masturbation and after I manually manipulated her into her 2nd orgasm...I kissed her and asked her if she felt alright about this episode (thinking back to Tara and how she was all upset after I attempted to objectify her body) and she said to me "you know, Michael, it feels okay with you, I don't know why, but I feel like it was very nice when normally I would have been a little ill at ease with other men in this situation. It feel okay with you." Well, that made me feel better. again...this is okay with J so I have no guilt, at all. It felt good. Oh, and she really likes my dick. Hope your jealous.
Okay...I'd say 5' 6"-5' 7". Very fit body, not too thin, on the lower side of average for weight. Very nice breasts. They are natural, round, not larger, but on the larger side win comparison to her body type. She has a very hot body, that is how I noticed her. Blonde hair, but not light blond...on the darker blonde side. Hair is past shoulders. blue eyes, very round eyes. pretty skin, like Ana had, flawless. Her pussy was completely hairless...it was sexy looking and very pink. I liked when she spread her legs wide open for me on demand without hesitation. It was a huge turn on. Maybe facially Charlize Theron?? That is all I can come up with to be honest...and she doesn't really look like her...but she has that soft, sweet face...that angelic doll like look. And don't worry...I am not smitten, at all in that sense emotionally. I just like her and I think she is nice...and she is sexy too. I have no plans for this to go anywhere. I think I made that clear to her. That is why I kept my distance and did not have sex or touch her...Iw as trying to keep an emotional distance. Fro her sake as well as my own.
Don't want to push Liz or get her upset right now. I have no anger toward her. Everything that has happened is my fault. I don't need to add any more pain to her life.
Good morning Michael, .. Could you describe her a little more. I would just like to get a vision of her in my head. Height, hair color and length. Is she petite, .. big or small breasts? Does she wax or shave completely? Is there no celeb that even comes close to her type?
So where do you go from here with her? Do you plan to see her again? You have opened the door back up for her. It sounds to me like this could potentially turn into another love story for you, and given your situation, I certainly couldn't blame you for seeking out another female for company and companionship. You are in a very strange situation right now. You may very well become a daddy very soon, and Liz is wanting to be w/ you, ... but isn't. And you are deeply in love w/ her but don't know when and if she will ever leave her husband. What would happen if you asked her when she plans to be w/ you? Tell her maybe that you will not hang in limbo anymore and that you plan to start dating Megan. How do you think she would react? She might appreciate the fair warning and it would serve as a wake up call that she is about to lose you. How do you think she would react?
No sure if she is prettier than Liz, per se...it is a matter of taste. I think at first glance, Megan may get a man's attention quicker...capture his eye. Liz has a very anglican shaped face, very strong bone structure and high cheekbones, etc. where as Megan has a very soft look, feminine features, almost like an angelic look. Which celebrity?....not sure. She's really pretty, but I probably prefer Liz's look which is more refined and cultured. Both of them are much too pretty for me. Seriously. I had no indication she was bi....highly doubt it. I suppose I could be wrong. For whatever reason, the women who like me tend to be very much heterosexual with no leanings. That seems to be the type of woman that not only I attract, but that I prefer. Someone who is really only into dudes only, very hetero. I have no problem with Bi women, at all. I'm just not into it and it does nothing for me. I am sure some men disagree, but to each his own. While I am sure too that there are plenty of women are not necessarily turned by my sexuality...though I haven't met any yet ;) Megan is soon to be 30...or she may have turned 30 this May, as I recall. She works in financial investments. She is a financial analyst...very similar to what Liz did years ago. There are many financial institutions in NYC (the city's largest employer) so not unusual that this is what she does.
I am surprised to hear you say that Megan is prettier than Liz. What does Megan look like and how tall is she? Is there a celeb she resembles? Any chance she might be bi ? How old is she? What kind of work does she do?
My God ! You really have self control! I don't think I could have kept my hands off of you and obeyed you, I really don't. I would want to give you your fantasies Michael, but to make me not touch you or to not be able to actually be intimate w/ you would be cruel and unusual torture. I am not kidding! I would have been in tears begging you to make love to me and to slam me hard and kiss me passionately and to hold me tight. There is no way I could be that passive with you, ... there is too much dammed up inside of me that I have held back all this time that is dying to be unleashed and experienced with you. I would have torn your clothes off and been on top of you in a heartbeat and kissing you hard and deeply. I would climax faster than the blink of an eye, ... maybe even from just looking into your eyes and feeling you touch me. A kiss from you could even cause that. My passion for you in no way could be held back if I was in the same room with you, ... I know this. Fuck that shit sitting in a chair staring at you! Uh uh, I would have failed miserably!
And I also told her that I did not come there to have sex. She said "okay, so you came here to drop off boxes then?" And I said "well, yes, that and I came here to see you." Then I told her that I couldn't figure why she would want to get mixed up with a dude like me in the first place, with everything that is happening in my life, everything about me is so complicated, unsettled. And she said "and yet, you are here." Soooooo....I kissed her very assertively on the mouth. I told her that I was very sorry but I couldn't have sex, not now, now yet. Then she said "well, let me do something for you then." I knew what she meant but I said "like what?" She replied "whatever you would like me to do. Whatever makes you feel comfortable." sooooooo...I took her hand and led her to her bedroom (I had never been to her apartment before today). I told her that I really could not have sex right now (but, Damn did I want to!), but I asked her to undress for me while I watched. She seemed to feel a little awkward at first and then she removed everything fairly quickly. She has a very nice body and very nice tits. She stood a few feet from me and I just stared at her. It was very difficult not to touch her. She came close to me and her hand extended toward my crotch. I told her to move back and sit on the chair that was in the corner of the room near a window at the foot of the bed. She did. We were just staring at each other. Then I asked her to open her legs and spread them as far apart as she was able without being uncomfortable. She did. I was extremely aroused. I told her to remain seated and I undressed completely. I sat back on her bed and began to stroke myself. I could tell she was also aroused. I asked her to touch herself and to rub her clit and try to have an orgasm without touching me. I told her that I would do the same. I asked her to do many things mainly to finger herself and rub her pussy and play with her tits while I watched. She got very much into it and she came before me. I was very turned on by her orgasm....but asked her to remain in the same position as the visual was getting my very hot. So I continued to stroke myself and came soon after. She was still feeling aroused after her first one....so I came over to her and helped her come a 2nd time with my fingers. I wanted SO BADLY to put my mouth there...but knew that if I did she would be sucking me soon or we would be fucking. It was very nice...I asked her if she felt alright about it, and she said "yes. I do. I enjoyed it very much. I like when you touch me and when you look at me. I really love when you stare at my body." And she gave my cock-a-doodledo several compliments! LOL---that was the first time she saw it full frontal, at attention. While, technically, we didn't have intercourse, sex...I thought it went far enough that I best tell J.
I asked her if she was planning to come to Hudson's the other night or did she show up because she found out from Torey, her friend, that I was there. She confessed to the latter. I stayed a little while, cleaned up and then had to get back to work. I gave her a very nice, long kiss,and then that was it. Aren't I a bad little boy?
Ha ha...sorry. Not ignoring you. I think I told you about Liz and how she sent the update about her health/baby's health...which I appreciate. In the e-mail she stressed, several times, how supportive and devoted hubby has been. I won't lie...he has been that, and I a very happy about this. It makes it easier for me to let her go right now. She mentioned it 3 or 4 times in the e-mail so I guess it was her way of telling me that she is there to stay for a while. Though she ended the e-mail by telling me that she still loved me and feels so blessed that I was able to re-enter her life and I have made her "whole" and opened up her heart again.Then wrote.."no matter where you are now or either of us are with...I will, again, be with you someday. I have more than hope, I know this Michael." You can read into any optimistic way you like...she is saying that she is to be with hubby, stay in the marriage, and we are on the back burner for another time. "tis okay...but I guess it hit me in a way that made me feel that although we will always have a relationship should this baby survive, she is moving on, for now, past the romantic part. She knows I am coming out to Belgium and London and did not mention she wanted to visit even though she is stable, health-wise, now. My point? Well, Megan had mentioned to me when Is aw her the other night that she was going to need 20-30 boxes as she was moving July 1 to a new apartment (this is quite common with Manhattanites as rents are skyrocketing constantly so we always look for better deals...or larger places for the same price--I don't have that luxury to move with bro...he needs consistency and repetitiveness and does not adjust well to unfamiliar surroundings). Anyway...I told her that we have so much computer equipment we purchases at my company that she could have as many boxes as she likes. She e-mailed me and inquired and asked if she could pick some up. I told her that it would be tough for her to hold that many and to transport them...so I would have the mail room send them over in a cab for her. She was very appreciative. But...after I read Liz's e-mail...I thought "why the fuck am I being so good , and for whom?" I am not angry at Liz...but she is not waiting for me...yeah, I knwo she loves me and she is carrying my progeny...but she is not waiting for me. She knows that I will no longer have a sexual relationship so long as she is with hubby...then I thought of J and how he told me that if he was able to accept me with Liz...no other woman really threatens him (except, he says, unless I meet someone so fantastic that I dump him, LOL), and that he asked that I not be with other dudes...and I asked him to abide by that as well. So....what am I doing? I have no one else waiting in the wings. Just J and he is pretty stable with me and accepts and understands my desires for females. Soooooo....I called her and asked if she rather the cab driver drop off the boxes, or I drop them off personally. She replied "Michael, I look awful, I was up until 3:00 a.m. packing and still haven't showered." I said "mmmm...sounds sexy to me....I'll be there in 45 minutes." then I hung up the phone. Ha ha! I wasn't going there to have sex...I just felt like seeing her. Did you ever just want to be around someone who is accepting, kind to you, easy to talk to...someone who reduces, not increases your stress? I guess that is her right now. So...I rang her up (it took me closer to an hour to get there)..she buzzed me in. When she opened the door her hair was wet. I told her that I knew she would jump in the shower before I got there. She looked really pretty with wet hair and no make up. She is beautiful, more so than Liz even. I am not saying that this is important or that it matters to me...just an observation. She had me place the boxes in her kitchen and she followed me. I turned to her and was very blunt. I said "look, I am not going to start a relationship with you; and I did not come here to have
I promise I won't get mad. Come on baby, tell me what happened with her .... Don't be cruel and leave me hanging .... :(
Ohhhhhhh you are such a merciless tease .... c'mon, SPILL IT !!!!!!! :/
Nope and nope. :)
P.S. Yes, I would like to know ..... all of it. ;)
Spill it ...... did she show up at your doorstep unannounced? Or did you invite her?
no sex. well...no intercourse or oral stimulation.
Okayyyyyy! What did you do bad boy? Was it with Megan? I want the details, every one of them ....... ! Did she show up unexpectedly at your door with seduction on her mind?
Very happy baby Jonathon is thriving. Is Liz on complete bed rest? Also glad her hubby got her a nurse and is showing his love and concern for her and the baby. He can't be that bad a guy then.
My ancestry on my mother's side ( full Taiwanese so no mixed heritage) is known back around 5-6 generations. Tracing it beyond that to Taiwan...and prior, to China...would be difficult since they kept inferior birth records. My father's ancestry is well known and documented as my father's side of the family (from Germany) is pretty much chronicled. Not really something I need or should explain here...if you met me, knew my full name (which I have no doubt you probably, somehow, do, Sherlock) you'd understand. I know my father's lineage...ancestry pretty far back as it is somewhat 'common knowledge' and his family is ubiquitous with philanthropy (among other ventures) abroad (Germany, UK) and here (In NYC). Enough said for now. While I am certainly not well known, personally, or renowned....some in my father's extended family members are, very much so. Too bad you never met me ...then you'd know all...which I shant reveal to you. How does it feel?
Have to confess something to J...but I think he'll be okay. you'll never guess how bad boy caved. Hope you are jealous.
Liz sent me an e-mail saying the baby is still thriving, though she has, herself, lost 2 lbs (not a good sign) and is on nutritional supplements. My mother thinks the pregnancy is taking a lot out of her physically. I feel so guilty...but she seems happy. I hope he doesn't get her hopes up. She told me her hubby has been taking time off to be with her...hired a ft nurse to care for her and stayed at her bedside when she was hospitalized for the bleeding. This is a lot for a man of his caliber. He is trying...I'll give him that. She said he does not push or pressure her or ask her to stay or try to manipulate her decision in any way. I cannot dislike him...in fact, I love him for taking care of her and this baby so well. How can I be jealous of resentful of someone who loves her so much?
Ohhhhh. I'm glad you clarified, because I thought you were saying that you 'didn't' want me to talk about Tony. :)
Thanks babe, .. I appreciate your thoughts about my mom. She grew up poor and was one of seven sisters growing up in Clarksville, Indiana across the river from Louisville, Kentucky. My mom was stunningly beautiful and my dad met her when he was a soldier during WWII and my mom said he just kept staring at her and then he finally worked up the courage to talk to her. She did take good care of us and dressed us well and I remember her helping me many times with my homework as well as my dad. I was ahead of other kids in my class on reading skills thanks to my mom always helping me to learn new words and she ordered me new books to read all the time. Growing up in the country, I had lots of time to read and developed my love of books. They were my escape and flights of fancy ... My dad was well to do and very well liked in our community. We owned prime irrigated farmland in three states which amounted to four sections of land ( 640 acres per section ) so it was a huge farming operation where we had hired hands to do the farming. On top of the crops, we also raised cattle, chickens, and a few pigs. It was a fantastic good life for a kid and I wish I would have appreciated it more. Lots of good memories, but I would see an occasional jet plane traversing the sky above me and it made me feel lonely and like I was missing out on life from being so isolated from everything. My cousins and an occasional neighbor kid from half a mile away were my only playmates. I was really shy when I entered kindergarten and still have a streak of shy in me from time to time. My father became postmaster, president of our museum, was voted Citizen of the Year, and did much volunteering and good things for our hometown. I'm very proud of him. He loved history and had a near photographic mind that was astounding and was very sharp at math thank God because he was my saving grace pulling and helping me through Geometry and Algebra. He traced our genealogy all the way back to the 16th century and I have blue blood in me from both my French and Swedish heritage from what he discovered. I am related to Marie Antoinette. My dad said she would be my however many great great grandmother. On my Swedish side my dad discovered that we were related to a Swedish sea captain by the name of Captain Kiehl ( or Kiel, can't remember the correct spelling ) who reportedly saved the life of the Swedish King whoever that was aboard his ship. The story goes that the King got drunk and fell overboard. Captain Kiehl dove in and saved him and the King rewarded him with a ring that my dad says is now in a museum in Stockholm. haha How my dad found this out I don't know. He found out that records showed our relative Captain Kiehl owned vast amounts of land and back then, only royalty was allowed to own that much land, so that is how we know he also came from blue blood and royalty.
My mom's lineage is harder to follow because her mother was adopted. We know who her real mother was and she was full blooded Shawnee Indian. So now I have Indian blood in me! I probably have Hines 57 in me as well ! haha The other ancestry I know of is English from my mom's father. Have you ever traced your ancestry?
Well...if you stop telling me about the misogynistic midget...I will stop telling you about all of them: J, Megan, Liz...et al.. I am sure you regret telling me stuff about the redneck troll....but hey, if I begin to realize that you are holding back...then so will I. That is what I meant by my statement.
It is not his "sexual preference"...I don't think anyone "prefers" the life of a homosexual...it is his Sexual orientation...something he is, and cannot help being...he has no control over it. Your purported bisexuality is a sexual preference...if you really are at all bisexual. And that is certainly up for debate as far as I am concerned. Just 'cause you say it, doesn't make it so. LOL!
Yeah...his text turned me on and I am so pleased he is coming home tomorrow evening. We will be fucking up a proverbial storm. My dick is going to be in pain! Can't wait. I miss him gorgeous, perfect body --those defined hamstrings, and his sexy jaw line and huge cock....I am hard just thinking about him. Adam Levine is gonna have to wait cause daddy's got a bran new bag....
Your mother saw you as a younger version of herself....and she subconsciously rode you to do the things she never did....never had the opportunity or inclination to do. OR she resented you because you were close to your father (perhaps his favorite?) and while they may have had a good relationship...it may have been absent of sex...which is not uncommon for long time marrieds with multiple kids. So, she saw you as a threat to her husband's (your father's) attention. These are my guesses based on my over-priced Ivy league education....for what that's worth! ;)
Awwwww sweet! It is awesome that you made J feel free to be himself now and not hide his sexual preference from people. I still do. My very conservative Republican sis ( though we were raised Democrats ) who was a virgin on her wedding night, would faint and fall over if she knew I am bi and like women. haha So would my brothers. I was the wild child of my family and often felt like the black sheep because I was by far the smartest and got the best grades, scored in the upper 3% of the nation on my ACT and SAT scores, was inducted into The National Honor Society and I guess because of this, my mom expected more of me and rode me hard and criticized me constantly instead of praising me. You may remember me telling you about the straight A report card incident where I felt proud showing her my report card and she only criticized me because one of the A's was an A- ! She was always telling me I was too skinny and that my hair looked awful because it had natural multiple shades and streaks of blondes and browns intermixed. She wanted me to start dying my hair in junior high so it would be all one color. Never happened as I revolted! Nowadays, women strive to have multiple highlights and shades in their hair. Mom never praised or was proud of me until I married my ex and lived the jet set lifestyle meeting celebs. Then she was proud of me, but I think that was the only time I can remember praise coming out of her mouth. I loved my mom and we never fought, but she made me sad that she never seemed happy with me. To this day, I am still trying to figure her out. Jamie's dad saw how she treated me and he told me that when I am not in the room she brags about me and seems proud of me and talks about me like I am her favorite one, but he also witnessed how she rode me and criticized me constantly to my face. What's up with that? I still don't know ....
And what about the incident at the breakfast when he got annoyed from someone banging ht back of his chair and had to get his e-mal wrapped up...and when he made the homophobic comments re: the gays on the news...LOL...not trying to influence you but this guy John already seems smarter and classier and maybe you should give him a chance. I don't want to be mean...but don't play all of your cards on tony. You feel badly as he is a lost soul and has nobody...but I guess it is becoming pretty evident why.
J sent me an awesome text
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Good morning babe! Rise & shine! How do I miss U. 2 guys at this place already coming on to me . told them I live with my bf. not hiding my sxlty anymore. they were happy to learn i was gay but i told them i was vry much in love. I am. u r so sexy and i cant go much longer with out having u. i w ant to fuck u and hold u and melt in your arms. i love u so much. just wait til i c u. u r in 4 a real treat lover! miss u more than i could hv imagined.
Jefferson
verizon.net
4414B/678/99903Th7822
I ran out of keystrokes .... ."stop telling me stuff about Tony and I'll stop telling you stuff about Megan, Liz, J, and everyone else." But I want you to tell me everything about them. I want to know about you and your thoughts about these people because they are part of your life and are important to you. Therefore, I care about them too.
LOL Well, I don't know how all these troubled people find me, they just do. I can assure you that I don't put an ad in the paper wanting people who are messed up! haha If you met Missy, I feel certain you would like her. It isn't her fault she got abused so how can I hold that against her or push her out the door? She is working and gives me money when she can and is helping out around her, plus she is a positive person. She is moving back to Minnesota after the 27th of July. I was re-reading what I wrote last night and realize I might be a bit confusing on that story about dropping by to see a girlfriend. Tony wasn't asking me if I have lied to him, but whether I ever lied to my ex bf, and that is when I told him 'no', and then explained that my ex bf accused me of that because that was the closest he could come to calling me a liar. If Tony ever asks me again about you, I will tell him that 'yes', we keep in touch w/ each other. The last time he asked, it was too close to him giving me another chance w/ him and I know telling him back then that I was back to talking w/ you would have made him disappear on me again. Believe me, .. deceiving him made me feel horrible and I still feel tremendous guilt about that. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to lose him. I admit that when he was here, there were a few times when I felt slightly agitated w/ him. I got use to his being shorter than me fairly quick. I had high heels on when I greeted him upon his arrival and that really made me look taller than him. After that, I only wore flats and then it wasn't as noticeable, though I admit he was still shorter. I kept thinking about how nice a couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were or him and Katie Holmes and they were both proud of their guy. Tony looked older than his profile picture but he is still very handsome and I still felt proud to be w/ him. His smoking habit had gotten bad so everywhere we went he had to light up first thing or last thing when we got in/out of the car. He had said on his profile that he doesn't smoke so I was surprised when he lit up. He told me he had quit smoking but started back up again because of stress. I told him it just worries me about his health because he has asthma and of course his immune system is still not up to par yet. The only other incident that I find regretful is when we took the tram ride up the mountain to have dinner at sunset up at my favorite restaurant High Finance. It should have been 'high romance' too. It started to go wrong when we entered the tram building and found scores of high school age kids coming down this long flight of stairs on both sides of the railing. He was right behind me, so I thought, and when I saw a break to start heading up the stairs I went for it figuring he would follow. He didn't because I think he had gone to use the lower story bathroom unbeknown to me. We were separated for about five minutes on different floors and I think he felt agitated that I didn't wait for him, which I would have if I had known he wasn't right behind me. That put us slightly at odds w/ each other for the rest of the evening though I kept trying to get romantic w/ him, ... Then I saw our waiter! Holy smack! Yowza. Talk about good looking! As he led us to our table I blurted out, " Wow, you are really handsome!" He turned around and smiled at me. Man, those words just came out of my mouth before I even knew I was saying them, honest to God. I didn't mean to be rude to Tony and he didn't seem to notice that I had just flirted and he said nothing, even though my waiter and I kept looking at each other with stars in our eyes the rest of the night and smiling at each other. I literally felt my body get this warm flush when that waiter came to our table and he would just look down and smile and gaze at me. Yowza, ....... I wanted to linger and enjoy the ambiance and view, .. Tony wanted to go as soon as we were done. Damn.
Well, this dude sounds a hell of a lot better than Tony. Wy not give him a chance? He actually seems educated and interesting. You were not thrilled with Tony when he came out...and now all of a sudden you are so attracted to this munchkin, it is actually rather funny. Remember he looked old, as if he aged quite a bit...and you two looked like an odd couple because being with him is like being with a little boy? Lest we forget? You noted,a few times, his narrow minded views...and his inability to have sex and to satisfy you via intercourse, you said he satisfied you with his hands and and but mouth but didn't feel a connection and now you are talking about this guy who sounds NORMAL after meeting him once, you are not as attracted. God...give him a chance please.
Why must you always find friends who were sexually abused? Why are you drawn to impaired, troubled people? Like those dogs you rescue. You are a poster child for a victim. This Missy with her slave fetish has issues...it is not normal to want to be psychologically abused...it shows some deep seated emotional troubles are present.Anyway, you and I both know you just lied to Tony again by telling him you never lied to him. He asked you (as I am sure you remember) if you keep in contact with me and you said "and a lie fell from my mouth, I told him no." That's a real and true lie...not an omission. You best make good on that since you painted yourself to him as a non-liar and tell him that you did, indeed, lie to him. LOL! How do you feel telling me you love me and wanting to be with me...so desperately...and YOU DO..it is very obvious...knowing how much he would hate this if he knew?I bet he would even cut off communication with you if he found out. You probably should have been honest with him and not afraid to tell the truth. Gee. And if he thinks your failure to mention something about seeing your girlfriend is a lie, then he is a control freak. Why do you attract these controlling men?
Tony's stance goes far beyond a "different viewpoint"...it is a value statement...and a dangerous one at that. What if he told you he believed in the wearing of animal fur and has no problems w/ purchasing a fur coat for a woman..instead of mentioning that women should die in childbirth for the sake of an unborn entity? I bet THAT viewpoint would have set you off. LOL! It is okay if he thinks humans can die for fanatical beliefs as long as he doesn't think animals should for the wearing of fur. His ideas are dangerous and speak to him as a person. I an only imagine what else you haven't told me. But that's okay...stop telling me stuff about Tony and I'll stop telling you stuff about Megan, Liz, J, and everyone else.
Hi baby cakes! I got a phone call from John Cline the video producer I told you about who knew of our sound company and ended up in our warehouse after we moved out and he had met my ex yrs ago. We finally got together tonight since he was headed to Rio Rancho to drop off some film. He came over to my house in some kind of rare 2005 Honda sports car convertible. It looked brand new and ultra ritzy. He said he would take me for a cruise to the mountains in it sometime. We got along great and had some good conversation. He is leaving tomorrow to do some consulting work on NBC's The Voice. I'm sure he will be meeting up with your heartthrob Adam Levine. He's a nice guy. Can't say I feel hot vibes about him like I do Tony, but I'm willing to get to know him better. I would say 'friend' category for now. Tony as I said, majored in criminal justice my darling. I don't know what college he went to as I have never asked.
Missy got raped when she was seven yrs old, .. same age Jamie was I believe when he got raped. She has gone through a lot, and maybe the desire to be dominated by a master goes back to that trauma. All I know is that she has had counseling and is a very happy and positive person to be around and I am loving her to death. She cooks and cleans for me and makes these scrumptious meals. We talk openly to each other about sex and she gives me lots of warm tight hugs. Nothing sexual between us, that would be too weird, but there is a nice comfortable bond since we are both bi and open minded. My babe, I don't pull my affection away from people just because they have a different viewpoint from mine. I look for the good in people and try to focus on that, and I don't try to force my beliefs on anyone. As far as Tony goes, I know he is worth loving despite his not well thought out beliefs on a few subjects. We enjoy each others company and I know he is very honest and hard working and has a multitude of other good traits. We were talking about honesty today and I told him that was absolutely paramount to me in a mate and that is the foundation for a solid relationship. I told him my last bf was a compulsive liar. He asked me if I ever lied to him and I told him 'no'. I told him my bf accused me of being a liar once because I omitted telling him that I stopped off to visit a girlfriend on my way home from work one day. I only stayed about twenty minutes and it was a simple last minute decision to pop in and say Hi. I didn't see it as any big deal that I didn't mention it at that time. When he found out a few days later that I had visited her, he said I was a liar because I should have told him. I asked Tony whether he thought I lied about her and he thinks I did, whereas I think it is all silly because had I been asked a direct question, I would have answered truthfully and admitted that I stopped by for a simple quickie visit. I wasn't trying to hide it, .. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning. So this was all the ammunition my ex bf could come up with on me.
Well, I am fading fast, so I am off to bed. Wish I could snuggle with you tonight and enjoy all that would bring. :) G'night lover boy ... XOX
Tony could be calling you a "half dozen times during the day" because he is simply lonely. Maybe he just needs human companionship. Ever consider that? It could be that he really cares about you a lot because you are concerned about him, feed his ego, give him attention...what dude wouldn't' like that? But since he met you it seems like the phone sex has diminished and if he is back to work...his cock she be back working as well. think about it. As far as Tony being a northeast redneck...Iw as not referring to his attire or his physical appearance (of which I would have no basis since I have not met him) but his attitude, politically social beliefs,etc. Being both a quasi- homophobe and a misogynist (or we can just say 'sexist' or 'chauvinistic' if that makes you feel better) as well as having such narrow-minded views. Don't blame the catholics, please. Yes, they are no day at the beach as far as social equality is concerned...and they are anti-chocie big time...however, they feel the life of the mother be preserved if necessary. Tony has some warped views with no historical context and you should at least have enough self- respect to as him why he believes in takes such a negative and hateful platform. It is insulting to you, as a woman. makes me feel like you have some self-loathing going on. From what you have shared about the dude--I hate him as a person and am shocked that you are even considering him a love interest. It is a bit revolting to think about it. sorry. you can do better. I am sure he has his good points...but people probably said the same thing about Hitler too. I wonder if you would feel similarly about him if he said something comparable as this about dogs or animals. you would blow a gasket. I cannot stand when people are all sensitive about animals and then they let a hateful remark like that about a woman be ignored. He is one piece of work...I'll give him that. Where did he go to college? I am pretty sure that no college I know of has a "PI" major. I am guessing community college...which really isn't a college.
no spell ck again.
Realty check: This house guest sounds like an odd ball. She may be erfectly nice and sweet, etc. Oh, but she is a "white witch" and only casts "good spells" so we need not be afraid. Does she know the "white witch" in Narnia is actually very BAD? LOL! She sounds like she may be a few quarts low...please tell her I said there's no such thing as any type of "spell" that anyone...especially a mere mortal like herself..is really able to cast. Maybe she has HArry Potter on the brain. Lord...where do you find these people? There are plenty of very nice, kind and sweet odd balls and weirdos all over the world...you don't have to befriend all of them! I steer clear of weird. vulnerable people, myself. She sounds very unintelligent and like someone who needs to get her life together, needs a focus and some self-confidence. People get caught up in these odd cult-like hobbies like "Wicca" and the like.... and did you ever notice...they are never well-adjusted, normal people? I think you are a magnet for strange people.
I think she was probably waxed....or she just shaved that morning...it was very smooth and I felt no hair. She told me later after that incident, via e-mail that she really liked when I touched her and she wanted me to do it again. I told her that I was certain that it would not happen again...as much as I enjoyed the brief stroke. But..the after night after we met at the club...I told her that I wanted to lick it for a very long time. That's when I kissed her very assertively with my tongue...perhaps I was a bit misleading and aggressive, forceful. But I felt the need to kiss her and I did it..it was very nice...I like how she kisses. She looked so pretty with this very tasteful and elegant white, summery dress. Her boobies looked very well-formed and pronounced. I ket looking at them and could not avert my eyes...she said "Stop being so obvious with your glaring." I replied "I am just admiring the lovely view." And she told me that was a contrived statement." So I said "ah, yes...you are correct. forgive me. how's this instead: NICE TITS." She began to laugh uncontrollably. She's a good kid...I enjoy her company. I am very surprised she is not sending me 4 or 5 e-mails a day and leaving me messages at work after that meeting at the club. I guess I gave her the impression that J and I are much tighter now and I told her that I really miss Liz and I have been feeling very melancholy.I think she is trying to wait until I make a move...which is good for now. I need to figure out the direction of my life which is still so undetermined .... and it's not really really falling into place as I had hoped. But, with seeing Megan again it got me thinking..... I am always interested in having friends who may--depending on the circumstances and timing -- become my lover, or simply remain a friend . Then if we become lovers and are close for a time , and share a bond..I feel, worst case, I'll have another life-long friend. That's not really a bad thing, right?
LOL You're so cute. Tony is not a redneck and dresses very nicely and he was a true gentleman to me. He has a couple of slipped discs in his back that sometimes bother him and sometimes complains of his ribs or his stomach hurting. He use to have a stomach ulcer and is not sure if that is what is hurting him again. I really don't think he is disenchanted with me because he is still very affectionate and warm to me and calls me half a dozen times throughout the day. On one of his days off we stayed on the phone for five hrs. Does that sound like he is disenchanted w/ me? I don't think so. He just isn't back up to good physical health yet and the other day he complained about a headache he couldn't get rid of even though he had taken eight Excedrin tabs. It lasted nearly 24 hrs before it dissipated. He is back at work now and programs the computers on trains when they arrive. There was a big transformer that blew out just a few days ago and trains were stranded. He had to hop aboard a diesel train to go out and hookup to the stranded electric train. He holds a private detective license and studied criminal justice in college, so when he retires in two yrs, he wants to be a private investigator part time. I can tell he is getting stronger and better, but he is still not up to 100%. Now that he is back to talking about sex again which has been absent for awhile, .. that is a very good sign.
I can't remember if I told you that I have a house guest named Missy staying here until July 27th. When she asked me if she could stay until the 27th, I thought she meant the 27th of this month! haha When I discovered she meant of July I know my mouth dropped open in front of her! She just laughed and then I did too. She is one of Jamie's best friends and she is 32 yrs old. She is bisexual, into being a slave, and she is a practicing white witch, .. meaning she will only cast good spells and not do harm to anyone. She went to culinary school and is a fantastic cook! She has turned out to be a big blessing and her and I get along great! She has this big boisterous laugh like Julia Roberts and the girl can sing well. She is so happy all the time. My ex bf never finished remodeling my master bath and I can't use my shower because the shower floor still needs to be grouted. She has volunteered to do that for me! Her dad taught her how to do that. Before she does, she has to clean the glue out from these little one inch octagon tiles 'cause Larry had only dug out the glue on half of the tiles. That will be the hardest part. My bathroom is done except for that and a few minor details. It is beautiful, elegant and unique looking.
If you're lonely tonight, .. I'll keep you company! :) We could talk about anything you want. Soooooo, could you tell if Megan was completely clean shaven or waxed?
No...I did not touch her when I was sick when she visited me. It was long before that and at the same time that I fondled her titties. It wasn't really for very long. she was touching my cock...which gets me very hot (since I am a man who has a cock...that gets erect...ahem) And she pushed her lower body very close to mine..I instinctively pulled at the waist on her slacks and she motioned in her movement that she liked it...so I slipped my hand in and touched her with my finger. I did not insert but only felt her, touched her, with my finger.Then I pulled my hand out and told her it was a bad idea and apologized. This was right after I touched her titties. Liz and I were very new and somewhat tenuous at that point...but I did, however, confess to her later that I touched Megan's boobies and had kissed her. She kept grilling me one night and I told her that it happened "a while back"...she seemed pissed off about the titty thing (not that she had any right to be...) mostly because she hated Megan pursuing me so doggedly....so I didn't feel I needed to mention the brief pussy swipe. Liz said "well, did you fuck her!!!????" I answered "no" and did not feel the need to offer more. Had she said "what else did you do to her?" or "did you touch her pussy?" the I suppose I would have confessed.
No...I did not slide my hand up her dress while I kissed her in the cab with the driver seated in the front. I wanted to...in fact, I wanted to do a lot more. She knows where my head is at now and what I am dealing with. She significantly has calmed her pursuit of me.
I never though the phone sex that Tony is so into and you willingly partake in with him was "disgusting"...LOL! Where'd you get that idea? Maybe in smaller doses and if you know somebody WELL, it is fine...I happen to find the habit of phone sex..phone fucking....to be cheap. I know some horndog dudes are probably into it as they have no other options...I am not judging...it is just that all I can say is...I am not surprised that Tony has calmed it down. Either the mystery of you is gone and hence the disenchantment or there could be another reason. Anyway...if he still cannot get it up....then he needs to seek medical attention. Chemo effects do not last this long. His function s/b back 2 weeks or less after stopping chemo unless he is still ailing...or is sicker than you know.
Just get off this stupid inane kick that people can "make love" over the phone. For the last time: It is called Phone sex, "talking dirty", beating off over the phone, ...or Phone fucking, if that be your preference. "making love" is a euphemism for having sex, fucking.
You write "we didn't start the actual lovemaking for quite a while.." LOL! "actual" means "in reality", "de facto", "real" "literally". So to correct your grammatical error...you never "actually made love" over the phone as it is impossible to ACTUALLY do it over the telephone...LOL! It is like when you told me you "literally" made love over the phone with Tiny...that was even funnier. I am fairly certain that is impossible to literally fuck someone or 'make love' to them over the phone.
Sorry...you are too afraid to meet me with your convenient excuses...why should I get you in the habit of calling me for your little fix. I don't give my number out indiscriminately and until such time you decide to see me...no dice. I shall never be the one to ask you again...that ship has sailed.
No...some working class, Hoboken redneck with a Jersey accent who speaks improper English would definitely not turn me on by hearing his voice. I'm not that desperate.
Yes, I wish I could have traded places with Megan that night you met up again at Hudson's and kissed her in the cab. So, you didn't slide your hand up her dress while you kissed her? When did you fondle her pussy? In your bedroom maybe before she left? I'm guessing, and I bet you didn't tell Liz this either. Is she emailing you again now?
It is true that Tony would drift into talking about sex early on when we decided to start talking over the phone. I don't believe we talked about it online when we were first getting to know each other. He made me feel shy and a bit embarrassed many times but then it was also intriguing and even funny at times with the stories he told, .. plus I started getting use to it and then feeling comfortable and natural discussing it with him. That escalated into feeling and growing closer to him and I can't lie, ... he turns me on something awful with his sexy voice and the things he says to me. Did you ever see the movie Wild Orchid w/ Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis? Google it if you haven't and watch a few of the clips. That movie is so erotic and there are times he is as seductive as the character that Mickey Rourke plays. We didn't start the actual lovemaking for quite awhile, but then one evening he started telling me what he wanted me to do to myself, starting with telling me to slip my hand inside my pussy and to slide my fingers inside myself and then bring them up to my lips and to lick and suck on them. Well, ... it was a hunger and a desire by then to be lovers to each other and it was as natural as breathing to fall into making love to each other over the phone. By the time he left here from visiting, he arrived home, took off his shirt and discovered he was getting very sick and breaking our with the spots all over the left side of his body. His desire for sex was just up and gone because he has been in so much physical pain. Since his visit around Easter time in April and when you had your surgery, he has only made love to me one time since he has been back and he did it just for me and wasn't able to participate himself because he was in pain still. I know I just told you we don't do it anymore, but I just got off the phone w/ him and this was probably about the sixth phone call from him today. MY GOD! He had me so badly wanting him and I begged him if we couldn't make love to each other tonight. He seems to finally be getting his sex drive and desire back because he was sure talking sexy to me and I told him that if he keeps it up then I am going to have to go lay down and we are going to have to make love to each other right now! He told me "NO' not yet, but promised me he would call later this evening before he retires and then he will make love to me. I know you think this is disgusting Michael, but I swear that if he talked to you this way, you would get turned on too. We do love each other Michael and profess that to each other at the end of every phone call. He is a very sexy and sweet guy and if he isn't turning me on, then he is making me laugh. He can be very funny.
I would like to see what it feels like to talk to you on the phone for the first time. I am not asking you to make love to me. I would just like to hear your voice and know what you 'feel' like. It is a natural progression in a friendship or a relationship to go from talking online to talking on the phone. I know you hate the phone and I understand that, but surely you could tolerate a minute or two! haha No, I am not looking to have just a phone affair w/ you and who is to say that we still can't meet each other in 3D? Things seem to be changing in your life. Let's see what happens in the near future. Baby, I've never rejected you. Please don't think of it that way. Yes, I've put off and delayed hoping for better timing but never in my mind did I look or think of it as rejecting you because I have always intended for a day to come when we could be lovers. That is the truth. I'm sorry I have made you now feel bitter and disillusioned about that possibility. I have never, and will never close the door on that possibility unless I marry someday or you get married. Please don't get mad at me Michael and don't close the door yet on that possibility. I still desire you immensely and passionately.
Are you jealous that I talked dirty to Megan? Is that it? Well....I've had the opportunity to meet her in person so I feel I know her rather well. I would stroke your pussy if you let me. I even touched hers once...never told you...thought you'd get angry...it was a while ago...but it felt smooth and soft and was all slippery and wet. But I showed my Herculean strength and stopped myself before something really happened.
If the purpose or the outcome of the call is phone sex...then I think it's not something that would turn me on. I am more than happy to talk explicitly sexual to men and women and it turns me on, a lot. I am not shy to say what I like and what I want...and have been met with a few raised eyebrows. I am just not interested in having that type of relationship at the expense of a 3-D one....especially with someone who has rejected me numerous times and would rather hide behind a phone talking about what she SHOULD be doing with me....than to actually meet me and DO IT. You have made hints many times that you would like me to call you so we can talk sexy. Well....I might consider it if I didn't think that was what you would like to do instead of meet me...but alas...it is. Oh someone...you and garden gnome were talking about sex early on...I remember the stories...I don't really care. All I was saying in the past is that he was doing this role playing and calling you a slut having these scenarios where you were blowing his best friend and he catches you and fucks you in the ass violently you, sodomizes you....etc. I am very curious why the phone sex stopped...has he become disenchanted? Seems very odd for it to just stop. Hmmmm....do the optimal phone calling rates interfere with his skin head or operation rescue meetings?
I am simply flirting with you and trying to joke around. I didn't really plan to have sex with you over the phone and certainly NOT right out of the gate. It took weeks and months and hours on the phone to get Tony and myself to that point, and you will be happy to know we don't do it anymore. I think you would like me if you saw me, .. that was never the problem. I just told you what the problems were two posts back. We have had cyber sex with each other on here a few times as we described what we would do to each other. Is that less smutty in your eyes? I think getting turned on by someone and something said, be it online or over the phone doesn't necessarily equate to being ' smutty '. Smutty is like beauty! It is in the eye of the beholder! :)
I'm not into phone sex like you and polly pocket. Talking smut over the phone with someone I have not met (or even w/someone whom I have) just doesn't do it for me. It's not my medium. I am not going to start something so you can have this fantasy phone relationship. No. I think you were given plenty of opportunity to meet me and your delays, hemming & hawing, procrastination, lack of trust, risk averse attitude, AND pre-occupation with your own feelings made it not possible. You rather have me in some form rather than 3-D...and I don't know why. Perhaps you think I won't like you when I see you...that's all I can figure.
Are you being a little trickster ? :) Call me baby! I want to hear your voice. I've waited long enough. Get out your 3 minute egg timer and I will promise you I won't keep you on the phone longer than that. How would that be? Of course, ... if you start telling me what you want to do to me, .. you may have to flip it over and go for an additional 3 minutes .... or more. ;)
You are assuming that you did not pick up when I called. :)
I don't see how you could have called me recently because I have learned to always keep a phone near me I can grab fast since that f 'ing phone machine of mine cuts on after only two rings, and if it does, then I have to go running into my bedroom to shut it off. I hate it, but I want to keep it on so people can leave me a message if I'm out. I'm truly sorry and regretful I fucked things up for us. I have a horrible fear of getting hurt again. I am only now finding the courage to take chances again. I thought you were talking to Megan on the phone because you mentioned that you were talking to her again. Is it through emails then, and do you answer her back? She told you she loves you, and people in love are not looking for a superficial fling honey, and that is how I know she wants and is hoping for long term w/ you. I never meant to imply that you are looking for only a fling, .. I wasn't thinking that at all so please don't take it that way. I know you tend to get attached emotionally to someone as well. When I love someone, ... I love very deeply and fall hard. That is what makes me so vulnerable and scared to take a chance on someone. You were always telling me that you didn't want a long lasting relationship and couldn't see yourself staying w/ anyone for very long, so that made me think twice about getting together w/ you. It seems like you may have changed now Michael. You talk of spending your life with either Jeffery or w/ Liz. Maybe we will never meet, but somehow I think we will at some point, .. be it as lovers or as friends. I just feel that we will. You are in my heart forever no matter what. I couldn't get you out of it even if I wanted to! :)
I know it is a mute point now, .. but I feel strongly that Liz would never have left for Amsterdam had her husband never showed up to escort her out of here. I think she then felt pressured that she had no other option, and was begging you to call her to give her one. It is what it is, .. and maybe for good reason Michael. She may have felt she acted too hastily in ending her marriage and you would have had to say goodbye to Jeffery and I don't think you were ready to do that. I am going to be brutally honest with you here, .. okay? I know your love for Liz runs incredibly deep and you may still feel that you would choose her over Jeffery. I understand that. I know I have not met her and only know of your relationship w/ her from the little bit you have told me. I may certainly be wrong with what I am about to say, but between J and her, .. I see you being the most compatible w/ Jeffery and therefore I think you stand a better chance of going the distance w/ him. I'm not sure she can handle you having other lovers ( men ) and your trying to give them up will eventually have you feeling incomplete. Take this for what its worth, or throw it in the trash, but this is my gut feeling.
Thank you for sharing about the baby. I looked up early placenta previa-like condition on Google and read what they had to say about it. They made it sound like this is not that uncommon and that often times the condition corrects itself and the placenta can relocate and migrate even. Please don't blame yourself babe, it is a waste of time and energy. It is my belief that baby knows it is loved and wanted and that will make all the difference in the world. Maybe that sounds very metaphysical, which is where my belief system lies, but look at the miracles that happened ( which you think were only mere coincidences but I see as synchronicity and meant to happen ). This baby was meant to happen, .. all a part of the bigger picture which we cannot fully see from our micro human viewpoint. I don't want to predict an outcome Michael, but I feel very hopeful still. I feel a sense the baby won't make it to 9 mos and will be premature, but if he can just hold on till the third trimester, I think he will survive. I am hopeful, .. think positive!
How do you know I didn't call you as recent as a few days ago?? I don't talk to Megan on the phone ...what gave you that idea? And as far as Megan wanting more than just a fling ...how do you know that? She may only want a fling...who can say? And who said that I wanted a fling? I am pretty damn certain that if I wanted to bed her I could have anytime since the first day we met. She was not going to deny me. But, I have not.
You could have met me...you had plenty of opportunity...but allowed unfounded fear, time and again, shape your decision. Not my fault. So you can whine till the dogs come home about how you wish it were you and how you wish you were the one to give this to me. Really? Then you should not have had so many convenient excuses each time I tried to come out. You own fault but if it makes you feel better to look for excuses why you are afraid to meet me...then by all means, go right ahead. You had an opportunity before J, when I was not serious with him, when I was not seeing Liz...many other times. So stop with the "wish it could have been me" crap. It COULD have been...but you made sure that is WAS NOT and never will be. Okay??
Not angry...just tired of hearing the same, worn crapola. And your reasons for not seeing me are sophomoric and silly. I know you are afraid and you allowed fear to dominate your decision at the expense of having something with me. You need to accept that fact and live with it. I am over trying with you. I have given up and that is the truth. Understood?
I have made no attempts to have sex with Megan. I don't talk with her on the phone....where did you get that idea? I don't talk on the phone with anyone, unless forced...haven't you been listening? I dislike phone conversations.
I don't think Bea will make a move on me...I am seeing her only for the party and it will be quite crowded...and her fiance is having it for her so will be ever-oresent. I am sure, by now...she is over me. I am not worried. We can be friends now. I will not have sex with Liz...I told her a few times, just don't feel right about it now. It probably makes no sense to you...but before her husband was not trying, not attempting to make her happy and make the relationship work...well, I suppose he (unintentionally) got a big wake-up call. Liz is doing the right thing and it is to attempt to work on the marriage, so she is in the marriage now....not teetering, no longer on the verge of separation, not working toward 'us'. It would not be a good idea for her to have intercourse anyway as the pregnancy is probably still in peril. I don't think I will se her. She is in Amsterdam and was to come to London when I was there. But, last she told me...she had to curb travel until such time the baby was stable. I don't want her to risk it. This poor little thing is struggling to survive, holding on...she needs to take it easy, have more bed rest for his sake. As far as Ana....Yes, I would be very tempted to make love to her. Sweet Ana....I do miss her. But I will not attempt to seduce her. It is up to her if she would like to see me. I can force myself to do anything...even force myself not to have sex with 3 women whom I am very sexually attracted to....and loved, at one, on some level...in in Liz's case...maybe even Ana's...still love. Last I spoke with Ana, she told me she was very happy with her boyfriend and quite smitten. That made me happy. She did, however, tell me that she would take me back anytime. She told me she could be happy without me, but is happiest with me. She said it in a cheery way so I didn't feel badly. Still...best not to start up with her knowing I do not plan to be back in London for a long while. J is toying with the notion of moving to London when these deals go through for his company. He thinks he may need to plan to be in the UK and HK a lot toward the end of this year and all of next year. So...another relo may be int he cards for me. Too early to consider...especially not knowing if this baby is going to be born...and if so, he takes priority...right? Even if Liz stays with her hubby, I still want to make sure this little guy has a good life and knows his dad.Liz is a good woman and will want me to be a large part of his life. But, to be honest...I doubt the baby will make it. My mom has been involved and I called her one day, very upset, asking her to help me. She was able to get hospital records from Amsterdam and converse with the OBs and neonatologists there. She told me it was not looking very good and to prepare myself. She also told me that she has seen worse cases that have resulted in healthy births. The uterine surgery that Liz had after the bleeding episode post-abortin has weakened the muscle and is causing sort of an early placenta previa-like condition. She may overcome it, she may not. The bleeding has completely stopped now so there is a shred of hope. The drs in Amsterdam as well as my mom are surprised that she did not miscarry. Last I heard, he was alive with a heartbeat. Liz thinks he is suffering, dying, because she left and took him away from me. She said when she stepped onto the plane she had an uneasy queasy feeling. She knew something was happening. Her 2nd day there she began feeling sick, a few days later the bleeding. She feels guilt for leaving, but I told her what my mom told me....she is experiencing this from the surgery...and it is all my fault, all over again. My mother said to me was "why, Michael, why couldn't you leave fate alone?"
I know that is your phone number I have and you don't know how tempted I've been to call you on a few occasions. We have known each other for quite awhile now and you have heard my voice somewhat from my phone message but I have yet to hear your voice or your laugh. Damn it, ... I wish you would call me one of these evenings when you are lonely. If you can talk to Megan over the phone, then why can't you talk to me too? You could tell me what you want to do to me! :)
I am a baby lover and I love your baby Michael. Doesn't matter that it is with another woman. It's killing me with worry as to what is happening, but I will certainly respect your wishes and just say a prayer for little Jonathon and not ask you anymore, .. but if something happens, please let me know, okay? I care, and I'll say a prayer for Liz as well.
I hope you know that it is never easy for me to see you starting up with any new woman and it takes focused mental thought to get my head in the right place. I am able to do it by putting your needs and happiness before my own and consciously reminding myself that, .. that is what love is all about. I don't want you sad and lonely, I want you fulfilled and happy. I just wish I could be the one who gives that to you. Sooooooo, ... you didn't slide your hand up under her dress when you were kissing her? :0
I won't start back up on Ellery again, ... but baby please don't do it. Don't let her come see you. I know it is your decision to make and none of my business, but I just know it will be a miserable experience for you and she will leave a basket case because she is not emotionally stable and will be devastated that you don't love her back. She is living with a bf, so wtf ? It will mess that up and she'll be a wreck. I just don't like how she manipulates you. I watched and saw that from that last poll where I warned you of Frank and Sarah spying on you, so I know she is using the same tricks again. Okay, .. I'll quit now.
Is it your intention then to visit w/ Liz but no longer have sex w/ her? I don't think you can do it! I don't think you will be able to keep your hands off each other! What if Bea comes onto you and wants sex? What will you do? How about Ana? I know you said she has a bf but she was in love w/ you and you her. Could that start back up again if you're giving up on Liz? What are your feelings about Megan as you know she wants more than just a fling?
I think you are disappointed in me because I said bad & naughty things to Megan. LOL! Hey...I've not acted upon them. I was just being honest in my reply to her query. I thought you told me once that I was cute when I was horny and all sexual...remember???? And you are correct....Ellery is definitely trying to come out to see me and I am not sure...but I have the impression she wants me to do those bad things to her. I think she s trying to get me to fuck her. Would you rather I say those naughty things to Ellery? Would that make you happier? Hmmmmm...I don't think so....
I cannot talk about what is happening to Liz and what has happened...is potentially happening... to the baby because it makes me very upset to dwell on it. I cannot talk about it. All my fault...all my fault. The only person who knows everything is Jeffery. Please stop asking me. This is really killing me inside. Okay? You need to understand. All will be explained in due time....
Liz is not with me anymore. Haven't you heard? She is back with her husband. She is not trying to limit me anymore. Just because she loves me and I love her does not mean either of us are to be faithful...or will ever end up together. She is in a tough situation. She is back to fucking her husband...she told me. She cares about him, a lot...I cannot argue, he has been good to her wince he found out about her pregnancy. Liz and I are all but over for now. I love her more than myself...more than anything...but she no longer calls the shots. I want her to be happy and content and to be able to live with herself guilt free. I respect the fact that she is attempting to make the marriage work. I don;t ant to be a home wrecker anymore. I need to put her in my past for now. For HER sake more than mine. Okay? I will not be with other men as that would be painful to J. But he understands that yes...I may need the company of females especially when he is not around. He gets it. He loves me and I will use my best judgement in these matters. I will not hurt him. He trusts me.
Yes, am going to Bea's 50th bash...it is HUGE...but she really wants me to be there and I think after what we meant to each other at one time, it's the least I can do. Flying out the 29th of June--returning the July the 2nd. Was going to go earlier...but J is coming home on 24, 25, 26...plus Liz will still be in Amsterdam, most likely and will not be abel to make it to London so it didn't make sense for me to go earlier. I'll start off in London then go tot he party and depart that evening. I'll stop in London to check on my flat...prepare it for rental (am flying into to Heathrow) , then on the 1st of July, fly from London into into Brussels...then fly out of Brussels on the 2nd. That is the plan...may tweak it here and there.
Megan asked me what I "wanted" (I HATE that fucking question that has been addressed to me hundreds of times in my lifetime by countless women) Soooooo....I didn't hold back....I told Megan that right then I wanted to stroke her wet pussy (this was when I saw her this past weekend)...yeah, I know...stupid. I couldn't help it. I do want to do that. And then I told her I wanted to move my tongue along her belly, then slowly work my way south....and then focus on her clit, then and her bare pussy hole and slowly lick her entire cute little box until she loudly comes. Then I told her I dreamed about sucking her tits and stripping her naked and watching her masturbate on my window sill. This is the truth. I know...I am a very bad boy..Ha ha! THIS is really why I have been ignoring you. LOL! Oh well...it could have been you..... and now it may be her.
C'est la Vie!
If you really need somebody and she can comfort you, then she is definitely the better choice over the obsessed Ellery. You should tell Ellery you already have a female to keep you company so she won't bug you anymore because I have a feeling she is. Right? Are you going to get emotionally attached to her though? You don't want to complicate your life further and hurt her all over again. Something to think about honey, .. and you know Liz will be unhappy about it. Megan is already in love w/ you, so it will get sticky too. Think about it some more before you act upon your desires. A moment of happiness and company can bring complications and more unhappiness down the road.
It's not a matter of Adam being the hottest looking dude, facially, though he is very handsome...I happen to find him to be just very sexy. I like the way he sings, I like his personality and his demeanor as well. Great sexy eyes. I am not into tats...at all. In fact...I despise tats on females. Unsexy. Do.Not.Like. However, I like Tristan's bull tat on his arm and I dated a dude once who had tattoo on his left forearm....he had a hot bod so it was a bit sexy. Sorry to be sexist...but on women...yuck. Adam is a musician so it's all good. I think his body is smoking, and the tats do not distract....and the original layout of the pic Rickey posted has a female covering his cock-a-doodle-do with her hands...and man, is his body ever awesome. I must miss J because this guy makes me want to come now. Actually...I think Rickey posted that pic for me. LOL!
Megan wants to make love to me and she is wearing me down...though she is no longer telling me she wants to blow me. We started 'talking' again. J thinks that it's okay...I don't know. I could use some affection, love, warmth...feeling rather down. I might cave.
My cousin Pam just sent me this, and I'm hoping it will make you laugh! :
Daddy, how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!
Hi babe, .. Oh good! Then you are fine and everything is okay. Yes, Adam is a hottie, but I wish he hadn't gotten so many tats on his body. I think one or two modest ones in size are fine, but I like the look of nice bare skin. I have no tats and no plan to get one. If I ever did get talked into it, .. it would be tiny tiny and maybe of a bird, deer or a rabbit. Those are my favorite animals. Would you ever get a tattoo? I have seen pictures of them on a guy's dick! Can you imagine how much that must have hurt? haha Maybe he was on drugs when he did it. He certainly couldn't have had sex for awhile.
What's new with you? I know you have a b'day coming up and I remember you saying something in the past about Bea having a big birthday celebration this time around as I believe you mentioned she hits a new decade. I remember she wants you there and that you share the same day. Are planning on going? It hits this weekend but you said J was trying to make it home this coming weekend, so would you prefer to forego that to be with Jeffery? I know I would prefer to be with the one I love ....
You love to speculate. Really...I'm just busy. Did you see my bf's pic on Rickey's front page of his blog. Oh.so.very.fucking.hot. God, I want to f*** him like...NOW.
I must miss J...and all that is attached to him ;)
Dude is So.God.Damn.Fucking.Hot.
Later....
Uh oh, did I say something wrong? Is everything okay? Are you okay? I care ... I love you.
Good morning jelly bean, .. You were in a rush last night going somewhere and I am wondering if you met up with Megan again. Don't worry, .. I won't give you a hard time about it if you did. I certainly can't blame the girl for being attracted to you and I know you are also attracted to her, .. so it only seems natural you might find some comfort with her now that Liz isn't around. I don't want you sad or hurting, and Liz is leaving you hanging in limbo, ... so tell me what your thoughts are about Megan at this point .....
I was also curious what is new with Megan. Has she found herself a new boyfriend yet? I'm guessing not if she wasn't with one on a Saturday night. I know you mentioned she was having dinner w/ her parents, but I would think if she had a boyfriend, he would have gone along too. You do realize I hope, that when she decided to leave at the same time you did, that she was hoping for an invitation or at least something to happen between the two of you. She got at least half her wish. She got to kiss you passionately. Well, good for her. I would have done the same thing.
You two are so well matched for each other. Somehow, .. I really think he is the only guy on the planet that you would be this compatible with and the only guy that could sway you into loving him in the same depth and manner that you do a woman. I hope I said that right. LOL I keep thinking about what that psychic predicted that his sister went to, and how he told her that J would spend his life w/ a 'Michael'. At least it went something like that. I know you don't believe that some people have that ability, but I do. Big shock, huh! haha I know how much you love Liz and her, .. you. Has she ever revealed to you why she is still with her husband? I mean, she has made it clear that she wants to be with you, so why the delay? What is she waiting for?
J was supposed to to come (potentially) this evening until Tuesday...but he called me this morning and said he could not make it as he was really inundated with meetings and had a deadline to meet. He had not made the progress that he had hoped. Told him it was not an issue for me if he needs to stay there instead...and that it is more important that he not be stressed. He told me he really needed to make love to me and missed me terribly ...I told him likewise...but we'll just have to do it more when he is able to make it out here. Looks like next weekend for him. I told him that I missed him sucking my cock...he just grunted and said '''ahhhhh...oh God, I have to fuck you soon honey. God I love you." Ha ha...he's awesome. I admit that I really do miss him around here. I am so used to seeing him every day since I've been back from London...my place, my home, just doesn't seem the same without him.
Don't have time to answer the other stuff now.
Gotta run....
Thank you for not being upset w/ me. I was already starting to get a knot in my stomach for fear I had already made you angry again. I'm glad you had a good time, and I admire the fact that Megan acted like a lady and didn't get as aggressive as before. It shows that she respects your boundaries and is putting your wishes and desires before her own. That is how a true friend and lady should conduct themselves, so she has gained my respect for her now. I'm proud of you too, .. I'm sure the temptation was hard to resist.
When do you get to be w/ Jeffery again? How about Liz? Will you get to see her soon? I am worried about little Jonathon, .. I realize honey, that it must be something really bad since you keep avoiding talking about it, .. but if you would just share it once w/ me, I'll leave it alone. I don't know if it is wise of me to talk about Tony with you, but I think you might find this interesting, especially since you shared with me that story about Napoleon. Tony's mom was a very petite tiny woman that stood at 4'11" and his dad was 5'6". Tony was born premature at 7 months and weighed only 1.5 lbs. Obviously a tiny tiny baby, and he has suffered from asthma all his life, but was otherwise healthy till his job likely made him sick with the leukemia. He said he is around a lot of PCB's and the wiring on trains is coated w/ asbestos because it keeps the wires from over heating. Tony may be of short stature, but he is handsome as all get out and the women are always after him. I feel quite happy that I am the one he chooses. We get along well and laugh a lot.
I often think that if you knew me over the phone or if you were to meet me in person, you would be surprised how easy I am to get along with Michael. I really am very soft spoken and easy going and definitely not a constant talker. I carry conversations well, but am a very good listener too. It takes a whole lot to get me mad and I am always a peace maker, .. truly. I can't stand being at odds w/ people, and I am very tactful, .. though I realize I have failed a few times on here w/ you and didn't quite choose my words as wisely as I should have. I just have the feeling that if we were together face to face, you would find that some of your perceptions of me are slightly off from what I am really like. I find humor in almost everything and it takes very little to make me laugh. Your sense of humor is absolutely delightful and is one of the very first things that attracted me to you. Your sensitive and observant nature also attracts me very much. There are many other things about you as well, but those qualities stand out. I also like that you are so sexual and sexually open as well. That helped me to get back in touch with my sexual side which I had also shut down in myself.
I am not angry at you. Who cares about Ellery....stop letting concerns over her drain your energy. She is a non-entity as far as you should be concerned. Okay? Even Megan...she is not that bad, truly. Look...I went to Hudson's (Which is a very high-class, not a pick-up joint type place--not a bar) because a dude I work with goes there most Sat evenings. 4 of us went together. Megan was not there when we arrived (and she goes out usually very late..like most NYers)...but her friends were there whom I recognized from the first time we met. One of her friends came over t us (Sunil...a dude from work, has a crush on her). She said to me "Oh hi, Megan isn't here but she'll be sad she missed you. " So Sunil says to her "call her, we'll be there for a while." ugh--wanted to smack him. Anyway...the friend said "Well, err...I think she might be coming later." The friend was covering for Megan knowing Megan would come to see me from wherever she was...but didn't want to make it look like Megan was desperate. So...she showed up about an hour and a half or so later. She was dressed in a very pretty white dress...she had been out to dinner with her parents who are in town visiting. She was sweet and not at all pushy or sexual this time. I thanked her for understanding my predicament and respecting my wishes. She kissed me on the cheek and smiled saying "no problem." She said I should still feel free to call her anytime. She did not make a move (well...not really) and did not proposition me this time. She told me she really missed me. I just smiled. About an hour later I announced tot he group that I was tired so was leaving. She said she was leaving too. I got nervous...she said to me "don't worry...I was planning on separate cabs." I walked her outside flagged down her cab and planted one right on the lips and yes....we kissed for about 2 minutes in her cab, stationary, with the meter running. I got very aroused, as usual, but said my goodbyes nonetheless. That was it. Not very scandalous, right?
Okay babe, .. I apologize for my choice of words and I didn't mean to insult you. I just have a hard time stomaching the manipulations I know she uses on you, and you seem to fall for it. I'm just trying to watch your back and warn you what she is up to and what she is really after so you don't end up in a miserable situation. I won't mention her anymore, .. okay? Please don't get mad at me again .... :(
Why are you making all of these presumptions about Ellery?...you hardly know her and just stop it with your 'know-it-all' attitude please. You always have to try to prove that you have this intuitive knowledge about people when it is only a good guess...which MANY of us are capable of having...only we don't continually espouse it...okay? She is not that bad and frankly, she is nicer to me than you have been lately. I get it--you hate her, a lot. But in her defense, she has never insulted me the way you do (which I know you will find a way to blame me or say I prompted your cutting and poisonous words...) .... she has simply never uttered to me the dreadful things you have UNPROMPTED. Let's put this to rest. She is not a horrific person, and to use your phrasing...I KNOW this! Lol! relax already. My penis is in no danger.
That is rather insulting and crudely worded to judgmentally say that there are much easier ways for me to "find a piece of ass." Why do you say such things? There are certainly better ways for you get a piece of ass with a functional dick instead of that lame-brained, backward, misogynistic reclusive redneck with a dwarfed dick (and body to go along with it). HOW DOES THAT FEEL? Turnabout is fair play...yes? Only my assessment is more accurate. I am not looking for 'a piece of ass'....if someone is kind, nice and friendly...I simply find no reason to turn them away. Again....I am NOT looking for a piece of ass, however...if it is offered and I CHOOSE to take it, that is my business!! Getting a piece of ass this has NEVER been my goal in life or even something I've practiced for sport. How insulting.