whoah this weblog is excellent i like studying your articles. Stay up the good work! You realize, lots of individuals are hunting around for this info, you can help them greatly.
L - 13 years ago
Michael my darling! I hope you read here! I need your help! I accidentally deleted the bookmark to the poll on here we use. I won't say the name of the poll in case the jealous troubling troll comes here spying on us again. Can you e-mail me the link at my aol address or can you send a url to one of our other places? Even when I google the poll name for Rickey's site, I cannot get back into polldaddy. I could not figure out how to access it from here. I don't want to ask rickey then he can read it. Oh help! We were catching up so nicely! I still have this poll bookmarked. Help M!!!
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
MJ has deleted all of my messages to you and I have deleted them off of Frank's myself. There are still some on AIU and MJ's regular blog. Please go to the poll you mentioned to me one week ago! I know you are around because Frank says that you are on the technical site and I see that you have been blogging on Rickey's and MJ's last week too! Your comments are funny. Who is the person Porter is it that jealous witch? I think it is too Michael.
Remember that I posted on the poll about our favorite former season eight American Idol not winner, and his hit song WWFM. Frank agreed to tell you to meet me at MJ's too so do not be mad. I am desperate Michael and very worrisome when I do not hear from you. Are you angry at me or are you traveling? I have some sad news to share that is making me so depressed and I needed to ask your opinion because you are so smart about medical issues. I have a breast cyst or lump and it requires attention and maybe some surgery. I am so frightened and I hope it is not serious and deadly. Please contact me. Love you.
L
L - 13 years ago
Michael! I have found it! I left posts at other spots too so please reply to me in the place on here where you suggested we chat.I did not leave a message there because I wanted to find your message first but there is not one there. I will leave one now. It took me a long time to find the poll and the instructions were not good. Where have you been? I know you are around because Frank tells Sarah and Dana on his site that you have been to the computer technical site and that you have Nils visiting. Is he your new lover Michael? This would be bad for Jeff and for E. Sometimes Frank says things that are his own mind's happenings so I can't be sure. I will leave one post there and you can reply! I still think e-mail is best for us Michael, but we can try this now instead of MJ's because she kept deleting our posts. Sarah is back at Frank's and they are talking about you again. Frank is reporting only incidental things about you that you have discussed on the computer technical site. Sarah is upset that Jeff no longer updates his twitter and she still checks it. I left you 2 messages at MJ's, private, and one at Frank's and one at AIU. I will leave you another message at your work phone. I hope you are not mad I am calling. Have you listened to that song?
Did I tell you that my parents decided to pay in full for my education and to give me extra money despite that I live with Roger? Now I can be free for school with no work responsibility. I am so happy about this! I miss talking to you my friend! Check for me at that poll very soon.
L - 13 years ago
To locate the poll, is his song title with W? By saying being played do you mean on radios or at concerts? I left a message at AIU and at EW also. Frank's site I deleted the messages because it has gone unanswered for too long and MJ will delete my message soon. I need more details and am not catching the inferences my darling. We never talk anymore and I am so depressed over this my good and dear friend!
I am so happy that my parents felt sadness and sympathy for me and sent me the full tuition for college so now I do not have to work! There is even some spending money for me to buy necessities and items and to have entertainment. Roger is appreciating because he does not have to chip in now. It was hard because University would not give me the dollars in financial aid, grants or no-interest loans to attend because my family's income and assets was too high and Iw as not of employment anymore. They would give a loan with interest and grants in only minute tiny amounts.
Sarah has been back on Frank's again and she will snoop just like the other troll here. Sarah and Frank's friendship must be repaired. You need to end it with these dumb uncultured women on these blogs Michael. They mean only trouble and desperate using only. I know Sarah's goals and her insidious ways of operating and flirting for her gains.
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I can not locate where to post here. I left a message on both of the other blogs for you yesterday morning and I have not heard back. I know you are busier but please respond. I can not find where to post darling. Please correct the poll name on MJ's or on Frank's private and I will delete after I read. I won't say the title here because you asked that I not but I can not locate a poll that addresses our favorite past Idol's song and why it is not being played. The hints were not enough so send a url or be more detailing. Can you spell out the title of the poll on MJ's or the other places and then I can search it? I am confused and I don't know how to reach you. I think we need to start chatting with e-mail or video for these reasons and then you will not have to comment and complain that I keep leaving you too many messages and am hunting you down too doggedly, as you said. This would solve everything Michael and maintain our freindship.We would not have to concertions of the troll following me and being jealous.
Ellery - 13 years ago
I posted this on Frank's, MJ's and AIU. I don't know why it doesn't work anymore. I posted a comment there and it is gone. All of the comments are gone. It must be because it is a year anniversary of the thread. Tell me on MJ's which thread here to go to. M.U. and L.U.
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I posted on the Comcast internet site that Dana let us use a long time ago. Good times there! I left the details on Frank's Friday and then deleted it. It would be private to post unless you have comcast. The URL access is at MJ's, but she might delete it soon under the private blog. I found a deserted Adam thread called "Adam Lambert debuts glamtastic If I had you". If you have the code to get to the Comcast Fancast site or bookmarked Dana's old page, you can meet me and it will be private. Go to MJ's for the URL soon which can take you to the fancast blogs site homepage, then look for the glamtastic Adam thread. ! I left all of the details on MJ's too. Dana said we can use his password e-mail for access. It is his e-mail that we used for Comcast long ago. He is a Comcast customer. His last name (I think you know it!) first name then 100 @comcast. Answer me here or at MJ's but not at Frank's because he might remember how to find Comcast and tell Sarah, if they are talking again. Don't disappoint me because I need to tell you something so important about me. Please be there!
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I have two important messages for you. I want to alert you that I think the troll who is following you and disparaging you on Franks and MJ's is the troll who is jealous of us on this blog of Rickey's. I think it is her following us and I am now almost sure of my accusation! I will not provide the evidence of my accusation on here now. I won't repeat her ugly name but we know who she is and her cruel games. Did you notice that she brought up Sarah's name at Frank's site so this means it is not Sarah. You must stop communicating with her and get off of Rickey's blog right from this instant!
I want to talk to you privately again and I feel you are in avoidance of me. Do you remember when Dana had that comcast account and we all chatted on fancast? It is private with a comcast e-mail and I will check with Dana to see if he will let us use his again. Then we can talk privately. I will return here or Franks with some more contact sources.
Ellery - 13 years ago
When I tried to send you a pm on Frank's you clicked out. Is it coincidental or were you to avoid me? I miss you very much and think about our time together often. Roger is such a good man but he is not the passionate type. I hope our friendship can continue Michael. I have your work number from 2009 and will leave a message there too. Don't be alarmed when you hear it. I am very depressed again now and am thinking of trying to go back to counseling before my two week trip with Roger to Hawaii. I miss your eyes and your laugh and the way that you talk. Please do not deny my friendship anymore. I left you a message at Frank's and at MJ's and all of the other places too like AIU.
And I know it's only in my mind, That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that the is blind, Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him, but every day I'm learning, All my life, I've only been pretending
Without me, his world would go on turning, A world that's full of happiness that I have never known
Hear this song from this favorite play of yours and think of me. I am feeling so sad now. I hope you are still happy. You are always so happy and have so much in your life. You are a fortunate and blessed man. You deserve the best. I hope you are not sad about your baby. I want to feel you smiling, happy man.
I don't care if the troubling witch reads this. She will try to manipulate you to develop a hatred of me. Be cautious Michael.
Ellery - 13 years ago
If you see my message please answer me at Frank's site. There is not a need to worry because Sarah is not there any more. She and Frank had a horrible disagreement. Frank even called her a whore! Frank is still talking about you and asking for you and he tells Dana and everyone else about your business. He said that you are having a relationship on the tech site with a swedish man who is gay and you are planning to meet him. Did you break it off with Jeff? I can be found at Mj's or at Franks but there it should be left as a private message. He said you are oversexed and a sexual addicter.I think Frank wants to sleep with you and has become envious of the man from Sweden.
Roger got a promotion out of his clerkship so we are planning to go to Hawaii this summer for a holiday. My life is so good Michael and I wanted to share my pleasant news! I think about you very often and wonder how your baby is doing and if you are now paired with Elisabeth. Will you marry her or do you love Jeff too much for such an arrangement?
On My Own from Les Miserables. Have not you taken a listen?
Love,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Thank you for your message Michael! I'm so elation we are back to talking once again. I will see you at the other spots soon.
:)
Love,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
I went to a musical theatre last evening and saw Les Miserables for the first time. I remember that you told me long ago it is your favorite musical once. Michael it was so spectacular! There is a song that is sung by Eponine called ON MY OWN and this song reminds me of you. It speaks t me of what we could have had or what might have been. If there was a song I would consecrate to you it would be ON MY OWN. Think of me each time you hear it.
I am not anymore fearful of the rude troll reading my messages and are accepted that she is unhappy and jealous person. I am to ignore her inflammatory response here.
--- - 13 years ago
I am very confused and do not get the kind of games you play. Talking to Michael here and then to me and re blogging my words. Stop with your detestable games and your foul and pollutant filth. Sarah was told by somebody on the Rickey site that you were married 3 times and that you were almost 60. So since you speak of being no place near 60 then you must be in your 30s or 40s? I think 50s is close to 60, and Michael is in his middle 30s. That was all that Sarah was claiming.
I have rights to tell my friends what I wish. You had no rights to publish foul comments to demonize me. I know Michael, and I know he would not like that. We are both of the same social culture and have similar upbringings in common.
What occurrences happen between my boyfriend and me is not your affair. You are the one to speak of treating others respectfully? You cannot decide which humans are deserved of respect and which are not. You no little to nothing about me so do not make attempts to sermonize.
Storm - 13 years ago
OOPS! I did it again! I have posted here twice by mistake as I have many sites bookmarked and I clicked on the wrong one. Ellery, I have never carried malice or dislike against you and I have never been out to hurt you. As I told Michael, .. I posted what I did about your actions that night because Sarah was bad mouthing Michael and putting him in a bad light and it was simply my attempt to defend him. You had already talked about that night to good ole' Sarah and she had already blabbed about what went down on that site saying that the only closeness you shared with M was his dick in your mouth! That is far worse than what I said, yet you didn't blow up at her because it was your own fault for telling her. By the way, .. they are not true friends to you Ellery. They have made fun of you behind your back. I am not your enemy and we use to be friends. Sarah has poisoned you with untruths about me and you well know that she was trying to seduce M as well. To set the record straight by the way, .. I have NOT been married three times and I am nowhere near my sixties, I am younger. You almost lost your bf thinking you had a chance with Michael. You would be wise to treat your bf with greater respect and appreciation so you don't lose him as you almost did. I wish the two of you well.
Storm - 13 years ago
Oh boy, .. Ellery is going off the deep end and playing the role of the victim again. Something she LOVES to do, ... sitting on the pity pot and blaming others for her own mistakes. Did you really offer for her to stay at your apartment with you? Are you still talking to her? Here is what she just left me:
#
Ellery - 12 minutes ago
Why are you sending this here to us? Is it a secret message to Michael or to me? Have not you done enough damage to my relationship with him already QS? You try to ruin other peoples happiness and that is a very selfishful thing for a human to do. Are you trying to taunt me with love songs to Michael to punish me for loving him too? You don't require to do this any longer. I am happy with my boyfriend who stands by me, loves me and is honest and does not run around like a pleasure seeker and a gigolo like Michael. He leads women to fall for him out of humor!
Michael I hope you are happy that now that you ignored me after you invited me to share your home with you for our planned visit together. It is good for me to learn now that the way you operate is that love making is nothing but lustful to you and you hunt girls down for fun. Sarah was right all along about your smooth operating ways Michael. I hope you and Jeff and Elizabeth and Qs form a sex harem all together. Does QS know that you got your married girlfriend pregnant?
Ellery - 13 years ago
Why are you sending this here to us? Is it a secret message to Michael or to me? Have not you done enough damage to my relationship with him already QS? You try to ruin other peoples happiness and that is a very selfishful thing for a human to do. Are you trying to taunt me with love songs to Michael to punish me for loving him too? You don't require to do this any longer. I am happy with my boyfriend who stands by me, loves me and is honest and does not run around like a pleasure seeker and a gigolo like Michael. He leads women to fall for him out of humor!
Michael I hope you are happy that now that you ignored me after you invited me to share your home with you for our planned visit together. It is good for me to learn now that the way you operate is that love making is nothing but lustful to you and you hunt girls down for fun. Sarah was right all along about your smooth operating ways Michael. I hope you and Jeff and Elizabeth and Qs form a sex harem all together. Does QS know that you got your married girlfriend pregnant?
Storm - 13 years ago
Ever get a song stuck in your head? I have one by Steve Perry of Journey playing over and over in my head for the last two days. They were clients of ours and I toured on the road with them and Van Halen who opened for them along w/ Eddie Money as well. Anyway, Neal Schon the lead guitarist of Journey liked me and asked me to thread his guitar cord to him and take up the slack as he moved around on stage. I felt so proud to see the little girlies in the audience envying me. They were really nice guys, but Steve Perry was a bit full of himself. Anyway, listen to their song, ... ' Send Her My Love '. I think it is the best song they ever did and that is the one I have playing in my head. It's beautiful and I love the words to it and the melody is so haunting.
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I see to it that you have taken to ignoring but all of my messages on Frank's site and on the entire internet! I have only been a trusting friend to you! Why Michael? Roger insists that I am in love with you and wants to break off our relationship! I would like to talk to you about this. You have my cell and I will leave my e-mail at Frank's again. If Roger is going to break up with me any way, then I can come out to visit you.
Please do not torture me any more Michael. I am beginning to have those feelings of hopelessness again like when I had to be put on anti depressants. I hope you realize that I didn't harm you and I only want to be your close friend. Don't shut me out because it is making me feel hopeless and solemn.
Love,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
I think the troll has frightened you away with her scheming tricks and ploys. I left my cellular number at our private forum for you. We can handle all of the arrangements over the phone. It will be great to hear your voice again just like in the old days, Michael! :)
hugs and love,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
I do not think that it is me who is the party to give out crap here! Sherlock the troll is being rude and dishing out crap. She is invading our private forum to start trouble. We can go back to how it was before on our other places and work this out.
hugs,
L
M - 13 years ago
L,
Do me a favor and cut the crap. 'kay?
Ellery - 13 years ago
Dearest Michael,
Please look for me today. I cannot find success to locate you. I wanted to confirm the dates for my visit. It will be so nice to visit you again in NY for the second time! I was wishing to talk about our plans and the play we are attending. I am excited about our time together. Are you in the same flat as last time I stayed with you? If I don't find you today on our forums, I will call you at work. I still have your work number from last time. I will try that first and if unlucky will call you at home tonight. I think I even have your e-mail that you gave me so I will try this method too.
Who is this desperate troll called Sherlock? I will laugh her off! Goodbye my dearest.
hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
Dearest, who is this jokester? Is this a serious message? Please send me a note some place to explain. I cannot find you anywhere today.
hugs and xxxxxxxxx,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
Who are you, Sherlock? Is this for joking?
Sherlock - 13 years ago
Michael,
It is critical that you don't post here anymore. You know where to go for explanation. It is VERY important that you read what I have left you. Love, .. Sherlock
M - 13 years ago
*sown
Michael - 13 years ago
I don't know what sort of reply you are awaiting. I am through discussing this situation. It is painful for me. I apologize for my profane language...it was uncalled for. So I am a selfish ass hole of a dude who is concerned only with his physical needs....whatever. Okay?
So, yeah...I am now reaping that which I have sowed. Ummm....quite literally, actually. So, yes, an apropos statement. I feel partially foolish and partially numb. It is still very surreal and the reality of this is making me feel very withdrawn. I am very tired now having left work early so I am going to nap for a bit. With the exception of those few dates previously noted, I am here and can see you for lunch or dinner. I'll see if J can come along...unless he is moved out by then, LOL!
Just please stop getting on my case about this. I shared far too much already. It might not happen so no use getting worked up over it. I have not spoken to E in 2 weeks so I don't know for certain what she is thinking. It is posssssssble that she is havnggg a chnae aof heart and that she deci
L - 13 years ago
I am waiting for a reply Michael. I left you messages at MJ's and at Frank's this early morning. Are you mad at me? I am avoiding the days noted and coming the week before then. I hope you want to see me and your anger at me is subsided. I will apologize if my words were hurtful too.
Love and hugs,
L
Ellery - 13 years ago
I am not understanding. You are talking like somebody did these things to you, when then you did them yourself Michael, you made these decisions. You wrote to her, you had physical actions with her when she was married and you put her in the same situation that led to your misery to begin with! Follow the dots (this is what Roger always says). For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Religion and having God in your life would be good for you.
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
I know you are a good man and you have proven that to me. You have come to my rescue once, and this do you remember? Now you are just being a stupid man. You say you have nobody else now for a friend, then my visit will be good for you.
I have been out of diapers for about 22 years Michael. It is ample rudeness and disrespecting to speak the profanity term fuck to a lady in that circumstance. I am appalling at your crass behaviours. The best is just not good enough for you. She was the one that you wanted and do you remember that? You laugh often and make insensitive remarks about my missionary school education, but we were taught modesty and appreciating what treasures life holds for us. When you have the best of what you want delivered to you by God, you find reasons to reject it. Where do you think this baby came from? It is not by chance, Michael. It is God's gift to you, a baby from the woman you love. You do not see it you stupid man! You let the first one perish and this is your second chance. Jeff is so right with this Michael and you must heed his advice and listen to his words carefully and soundly with a clear and lucid brain.
If your soul is suffering allow it to suffer no longer. Instead of crying at what you are lacking and looking for someone to make you feel right about your bad decisions, you should repent to the Lord. That will be the last thing I advise about my Christianity. You are hurting E more than she is hurting you and you know it; and still you do it!
hugs,
L
Me - 13 years ago
Wtf? What do you expect? You known I am atheist and yet, you lecture me with this religious crap to make me feel worse. Listen...stop leaving me messages all over the place to come here it only leads your little bored friends to search for me. I do not appreciate the snarky tone to your messages....you are barely out of diapers and are hardly equipped to provide advice and moral guidance. 'kay? If you are trying to piss me off so I will fuck you when you come out then it will only lead to both of us later feeling miserable. Is that what you want? Please tone it down then.
I am hurting pretty badly now and I am not saying my pain or grief or stress is greater than E's. Okay? I know what she wants and I know what she feels she has to do. ...they are two different, opposing things. I cannot ask her what she wants. If she tells me what I think the answer may be, then what do I do with that? I leave J....pull Daniel's best friend away from him....get married knowing I am not heterosexual (and yes...I believe I can suppress these urges for men for her sake...maybe forever, maybe not, but I do not know for certain how long, yes maybe forever)...make her feel guilt for hurting her husband....then what if I fail? What if I fail at being a father and a good husband? And what if J is right and I hurt her all over again? See...I feel like I have no friends left to talk to about this...so I guess perhaps I do wallow a bit in self-pity. J is my best friend but he can't hear anymore about this...he is a bit disgusted, disappointed. It will probably signify the end of us...this pregnancy. Can't tell bro, he'll tell my mom...bad for her to hear about this. Can't tell my mom, my lifelong confidant for obvious reasons...The women at work..Sheila, Trish...they all love J and would think I am a prick to impregnate my married former lover and then not take her back....you know women, LOL! I cannot tell any females about this....so, I cannot tell anyone. Nobody understands and everyone will hate me for this. LOL! Only very few know. And now even you are reacting like a typical woman. I have no real male friends with whom I can confide because of the complexity and personal judgements involved in this issue. My male friends are more acquaintances, buds. I wish Ana would find out some how about it and bring it up end of April when I plan to see her (well, depending) or Sheila and just say "hey, I heard about the situation with E, what's up." Because I cannot talk about it without a prompt. It is too hard to bring up.... . I simply cannot bring it up with anyone. Cannot tell my friends on the tech site because of Queen Frank. I feel very alone. The last time I felt this alone in my life, this vulnerable was after the abortion and the aftermath, when we broke up. I want her so fucking badly. I want to be with her so fucking God Damn much that it is eating me inside. I lost 8 pounds. I am losing for every pound she is gaining, LOL (that was J's joke). Do you get that? Cut me some slack please.
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael, You lead such a charmed life. You complaints but it is so easy with your gifts and your freedom. You will not see what is at risk for her. You have everything you need but denial to find solace and happiness. I am not wise but I see that you had physical actions with her and did not bother to use birth control. You are almost a 40 year old man! A stupid man only does this you stupid man! I think you wanted to have her pregnant so you can feel free of the weight you have to carry for your immoral actions with the abortion and her near death experience. You don't believe that God brought her back, but he did! Michael I love you and I will no longer deny this and I know that you know this too.
She wants you to go to her. I feel i and all tho I know the right thing for God is for her to be married still and she is choosing the right path. I think that path will make you and her unhappiness forever. Ask her what she wants from you. you won't because you know the answer. You stupid man! Jeff was right and he is always right Michael. You are hurting her again but pretending that she is the one hurting you. You stupid stupid man.
I am very mad now and will pray hard for you.
Ellery - 13 years ago
What you wrote is blasphemy and I will pray for you.
Are you pregnant and are you married to another person? No you are not so stop thinking of all of your pain and broken soul and think what she is going through. I applaud her for not getting an abortion. You are being a coward to make up reasons to not be with her. You can't make decisions easy so you have fundamental obstructions in place to prevent you. She wants you to go to her you stupid man!
I will pray hard for you because you need many prayers!
Me - 13 years ago
Ellery,
I came back here to apologize for my comments...I went overboard and many of the things I said about that person who has caused me pain; things said were true, but some were also unkind for me to express here. I felt emotional. She has no idea how and why she hurt me so I should not go off like that. Besides, if she ever read here on the very off, off ,off-chance, I'd feel a bit badly (not that she doesn't deserve it). ..."there is none so blind as those who will not see" that's her...how's that for a biblical quote? LOL! Or a loosely-based biblical quote.
Thanks for the religion lesson, but I am fairly certain that God was not there when I was fucking my married x-gf without the benefit of birth control. And what a gigantic Amen moment that must have been for him! I mean....having me impregnate her again with the chance she might suffer a 3rd miscarriage or undergo another abortion or to have and raise a child--my child--with a man who is not the father. I think God could have made better and humbler use of his all-mighty authority by implanting her husband's seed and allowing the child develop to fruition. Or perhaps...he could have intervened with another immaculate conception, like with his own son. So, is God slapping me in the face? Rubbing my nose in it? Wasn't necessary...I still hate myself enough for what I did to her all those years ago. So Ellery...it wasn't enough for me to see her pregnant all those years ago with another man's child...which she lost, because of me...but to have her return and me impregnate her and have her potentially birth this child to be raised by a man who is not the father and who is undeserving of her? Ha ha...and there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot tell her to come be with me and have the baby...because that would force her to hurt her husband (he cannot do that and live with herself...it would destroy her and our relationship) ...and he does not want her to leave him. So I pretend that I am okay with her staying in the marriage and am trying to agree with her that it is the right thing so she does not suffer any more pain. She is actually happy about the baby...stressed, sometimes indifferent, but determined to have it.
Look...I have never felt this vulnerable in my entire life. Never. Not depressed...vulnerable. I cannot tell my mother, not yet. I am happy that E might have what she always wanted...even at such a great cost. But in the meantime, all of this is just ripping my fucking soul apart. So I need to drop this for good. I have to pretend it is not happening for now. If you see me in NY do not bring any of this up. Do not try to be alone with me. I need to trust you.
So spell check. I am off this site.
L - 13 years ago
Oh Michael! I want to be with you now, as your friend to comfort you in your sadness. I cannot respond anywhere but here since it is about E and her condition. I will discontinue talk of her after my final statement on this subject. That you addressed her pregnancy I now feel okay to talk about it on here. I never mention it anywhere but only speak in mysterious terms when asking about it to you in the case someone like sarah is spying. So she has not miscarried? Is she surpassed that danger point now? Does she know for definite the baby is yours now? Michael it is sad and it is happy too. Rejoice in the happy part. I told you before Michael, it has all come full circle and God has seen to it that he has given to her the life you selfishly whisked away from her. The life she desired to grow inside of her, your baby, you. God brought you together again so you could bring her all that you initially destroyed. You can live knowing that the pain you caused has ultimately led to a second chance for her, the final joy of the birth of your child. She can now have the baby that she was not able to have with her husband. She was not meant to have his child Michael, you see this in your heart. If her husband raises the child it will hurt for you with the pain of one thousand swords, but God has bound them together in a marriage and it is the right thing. What God has joined, let no man pull asunder. You were to meet her again for a reason and it is all clear. It was not fate, it was God's work. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
hugs and xxxxxxx,
Ellery
Me, continued - 13 years ago
Eeeerr, okay..."infamy" was the wrong word choice. April 1 is a sullen, sad day for me. That's all I meant. I was hoping she would schedule the ultrasound for another day when she realized what the day represented for me. Anyway...she wants to keep me in the loop with regard tot he development...but I want to be out of the loop. It is too painful. Oughta here....
me, continued - 13 years ago
he loves her and is doing what he feels she needs. Spending more time with her, etc. So the child becomes his. That is that. It is her decision. Ultrasound April 1 (a day of infamy for me....don't ask). All too sad. PLEASE do not repeat this to Sarah or Frank or anyone. I can no longer bear to talk about this so please do not bring it up. J is a bit upset over it, but still supportive in a small way... which does not help. No more of this please. Do not ask me about her on here or on MJ's or any other place. Leave your cell on my work before your departure for NY. Thanks.
me, continued - 13 years ago
she got carried away and perhaps, subconsciously, was a bit jealous that we had a brief sexual episode and this made her word her EW expose' in the fashion that she did. She admitted it was wrong, poor judgement and has voiced her regret. I am not angry at her about this any longer and and have moved on. I do not believe she was out to purposefully hurt you. I am the one who was wrong to trust the information I told her would remain hushed. This is not why I no longer keep in touch with her. I forgave her for this faux pas. I no longer keep in touch with her because she has proven to me....after many opportunities to prove otherwise,....that she does not trust me and that I am unimportant in her life. She does not get it because she is dense and thick-headed. I get exhausted trying to explain things to her...she sees things from one singular angle only, but denies this and can't even accept that she is closed-minded at times and thinks she always knows best, like she is some higher authority. Incapable of listening to dissent. My feelings were thrown on the back burner in favor of some flash-in-the- pan new twitter twat whom she didn't even know! SPEAKS VOLUMES! She did not trust me enough to prove it by just giving me a name of some twitter friend. She even said "If I give it to you, you have to promise never to contact her...never message her blah blah blah " after I had told her I would not contact the bimbo. When push came to shove, she chose this person over me. She denies it, but that is exactly what she did. Guess it's no wonder why she is divorced three times. Absolutely no insight. I will NEVER get close to anyone on the internet EVER again. I tried with 3D but she rejected me over and over. She is a cock tease and led me on. She has proven that. I think she drove me away intentionally so I would stop asking to get together. And after all of this...she knows that I had no choice but to leave...and still her stupid pride and failure to admit error has forced her into where she shall remain. She had the chance to come back and say "I don't want to lose you, you are more important, I trust you and I will prove it." She did not. Then she cuts off contact w/ the other cartoon twitter person and still won't trust me. This is highly insulting. I opened d up way too much to her and became dependent. I thought she cared and trusted me she SAYS she does, but cannot back up her claim. I was sick of being her little sexual distraction. My life in complicated enough. I do not trust what she tells me about her feelings anymore. She could not do one thing to prove it so I am shuffling her into the archives of my history. The last post she left she told me something like "If I mean so little to you, then I give up the fight." ??? Did she even see the hypocrisy in this statement? So that is how she left it and I guess given everything, I am better off. Time wasted, lesson learned. It is not because of what she exposed on EW that has forced me to lose contact. She is too selfish and pig-headed to see that I needed some confirmation of trust and she held it back under the pretense of some 'integrity'...when you care about someone deeply...isn't that when your integrity, your uprightness, rectitude , virtue is evident? Isn't that when it comes into play?
Megan...yes, we are having lunch this week again. No sex and that will not happen. She is gentle and has been emotionally comforting to me at a time when I need comfort from a woman. That is all I can say now.
E, well, things are the same. I miss her but still have no regrets. I am giving her the space and the time she needs. She has called me twice in the past week. I have not returned. I want to...she wants me to...but I feel she needs to be away form me. It is hard. She needs to work on her marriage. I think they will work it out. He is not perfect and not nearly good enough for her...but he is trying and I respect the dude for that...for trying to make her happy
Me - 13 years ago
Hi L,
Let me answer all of your queries here---those posted here and those posted at the other places. It is difficult for me to jump around and respond several places. I think I will discontinue postings here at Rickey's shortly, for good. It is too easy for me to come over to these polls since I read his Idol updates and am already on his page, however, I don't feel like entering blogging hell again. I'd like to put these Ricky polls behind me for good.
Let's see...yes, J and I are still together...same as before. He arrived home Saturday. The separation was good for us. Good in that it gave him time to think about where we were headed without the temptation of me there for him. Good for me in that I realized how much I missed him and physically craved him when he was not with me. We are not in a committed relationship and J voiced that for the first time this weekend, he has accepted it. He still loves me but now realizes that we are not heading toward 'forever' and that he needs to keep his options open. Neither of us knows where we are headed, lol! Yes, I am still bisexual, Ellery. Though I am not attracted to other men (other than J) enough to pursue them. J is very sexy and satisfies that part of me 100%. So the desire to be with other men is not present for me now. This does not mean that a committed relationship is in the cards for us. I updated him in person this weekend re: everything else going on and he took it in stride...seemed only a bit surprised and seemed quasi supportive. LOL--he is used to me by now. He said "babe..nothing is ever easy with you." The physical part of our relationship is still beyond awesome. It felt good being intimate with him again. It was emotional and also very erotic, carnal...it was great. So, we are as good as can be expected. Still somewhat intact. I expect sometime, within the next few months, his eye will wander and he may meet someone else. I don't have an issue with that. He needs to be happy and have someone who is as devoted to him as he is to them. It is rather sad for me as I do not want to lose him...yet, I feel I am holding him back. He disagrees and wants to be with me anyway, no matter what is going on in my life or happening inside my head. He will come to his senses at some point I suppose. I can assure you of that. They all do.My time with him will expire soon, sadly. I am sure Frank will be blabbing this since I updated him on the tech site. So, if I missed any details...I am sure Frank will fill you in.
I got your dates for travel. L, just come out when you can and I can treat you to lunch or dinner. Look...do not clear the dates with me...plan when it is good for you. I never know when I will have plans, meetings, etc. so it is not a good idea to plan ahead in accordance with my uncertain schedule. There is a lot to do in NYC to keep you busy. As far as traveling, I am not currently planning to be away until the end of April. So...safe there.
No, I do not keep in touch with anyone from these old polls. Don't believe everything you hear from Sarah. It is possible she screwed something up or misread. I don't think that ck and QS were the same person...don't really care either. I do not think QS has been divorced three times...I suppose it is possible, but she never shared that with me... I think she told me twice. I believe she is in her 50's...not 60's. Though I suppose I have no proof of that. Never thought to ask her age, but I assumed 50's...didn't matter that much to me. Although...I think recently when it was her birthday, I realized I did not know her age and asked out of simple curiosity. She skirted the question twice...no big deal...so I dropped it. Perhaps then she is much older than I thought (60's?) and that is why she kept rejecting my offers to meet me in 3D under the guise of her self-labled "integrity". Matters not now.
I do not believe that she intentionally tried to hurt you. She got carried away and perhaps, subconsci
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
Are you and Jeff still a couple? Are you still lovers? I was not sure if the impression is correct that you are having troubles. I think you are better to have relations with women Michael because you only seem to be interested in sex with women now. Are you still bisexual? Is Jeff wanting to resume your arrangement or is he finished and going to date other men? I am very confused because you are talking like you and Jeff are together again and I thought you had been separated and you were complaining about being lonely. does Jeff give you the massages you like? I always give Roger messages and he loves my skills.
I sent my dates on the other site but clear it quickly before she finds it. I am so excited! I hope you can fit in a meal and maybe more! Though I will not count up my hopes! I will book the travel and then call for a hotel next week.
Michael do you keep in touch with any of the people from these Ricky forum polls we used in season 8 ? like ck, Quiet or others? Do they come to the new polls now? I have a feeling that one of them is the one that betrayed us. Sarah knows them I think and she says that Quiet is in her sixties and was divorced three times. Sarah says she is evil and I think maybe she was the one who wrote all of those things on your work site 2 years ago and when you closed your e-mail and shut down your web page . Do you think ck and Quiet are the same person? I liked them then and they were kind to me then when I had troubles with Alex and Casey. Some of these polls are old and they are still up. Do you remember the names of the polls we blogged on for season 8? On the EW forum when our lovemaking was exposed and exploited with lies the person knows me and talked to me like we had been friends at some time and now you tell me you talked to this person on Ricky's. I am putting the math together. I could tell that both ck and Quiet liked you then. I wanted you to know this information because Sarah knows them and said someone posted this information about Quiet being divorced three times and in her sixites Michael! She is fooling you. Sarah thought you would get mad so never told you. I hate her Michael. She tried very hard to hurt me. She is dishonest and was trying to trap you and is probably a gold hunter. Sarah said that she is the one she thinks who follows her and stalks her on other sites of AI.
Let me know if the dates are all good and let me know if Jeff is going to be around then. Will he get mad if we get together? I am feeling like Roger is now smothering me and clinging and need to get away from here for a few days and a holiday will be good!
hugs,
L
Me - 13 years ago
Ha ha...on the contrary, there are many reasons not to love me...believe me! The biggest reason is that she can do 100 x better than me.
J coming home today...I hope he is prepared to give me so good lovin' ....I really need it. Badly. Desperately. I am so tired of masturbating. It's been a while.
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael, I was only hurt when you question my honesty. I am wanting to travel because I love exploring big city life and I enjoy culture and love to travel around America. You are seeming it to be that my goal is to be there with you morning, day and night! I am going to be in New York City and my friend lives there and I want to visit him. It is innocent and I only want to have fun with you and be there for my friend who has been sad. There is no reason to think we would be lovers again. I never told you I wanted that and you are jumping to assumptions. I left you some dates on Frank's page with flights and ranges of days. I can drag it over here if you have this preference. I leave you some messages on Frank's that I do not mind Sarah reading.
Michael, you are upset with E and with other selfish and uncaring women who have disappointment with you and then you transfer that paranoid reflex onto me. You think that I want you for my lover. I am not these other women. No matter what I feel for you I can keep my desire in control and control my actions and you need to trust my ability. Don't worry because Roger is now my serious boyfriend. Michael, I think you need to be with someone to make you feel less alone and bring you into a happy content mood. I think I can help and that was all I was conveying. :) I think you need somebody to help you forget about E too. She is still with her husband? You said she is confused. So she wants to try to work on the marriage with her husband and that doesn't mean she does not love you more. She might be having hormone rises which can make a women very weird and act strangely in her decisions. I know in my soul that she loves you because Michael, what reason is there not to?
Me - 13 years ago
Grrrrrrr....L , you are making my head spin, girl. Look....I am not rejecting your platonic visit. Jeesh...just forget what I said. Perhaps I am reading too much into this. I am trying to do the right thing...do right by you...not put myself in a precarious position. Okay? My apologies. Maybe I really am off base here. I just don't fucking know anymore. You are confusing the hell out of me...well, not you...I mean this situation is making me question my instincts. Okay, I will trust what you say is true. Apologies if I assumed the wrong motive. Let's move past this mutual misunderstanding. Mea culpa. Give me the dates you are planning to come to NY and we will work out a get-together. It is not "so much distress" for me to see you. I never said that, never eluded to it. It is no secret that my life is rather...well...messy right now. LOL! I have so many people hanging on it is mind numbing when I think about it.
Me - 13 years ago
Grrrrrrr....L , you are making my head spin, girl. Look....I am not rejecting your platonic visit. Jeesh...just forget what I said. Perhaps I am reading too much into this. I am trying to do the right thing...do right by you...not put myself in a precarious position. Okay? My apologies. Maybe I really am off base here. I just don't fucking know anymore. You are confusing the hell out of me...well, not you...I mean this situation is making me question my instincts. Okay, I will trust what you say is true. Apologies if I assumed the wrong motive. Let's move past this mutual misunderstanding. Mea culpa. Give me the dates you are planning to come to NY and we will work out a get-together. It is not "so much distress" for me to see you. I never said that, never eluded to it. It is no secret that my life is rather...well...messy right now. LOL! I have so many people hanging on it is mind numbing when I think about it.
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
You are being presumptuous as you said. You are assuming that I am coming out to be your girlfriend when I have no designs in that direction. It is starting to look like paranoid for you! I was raised to be hospitable and welcoming to friends and I thought because you were raised in a Taiwanese household that you have adopted such manners of behaviour too including how to be respectful of ladies, but your manners are seeming more typical American to me. If it is such a nuisance for me to come to New York and for you to grab just one quick meal or a show with me I could cancel my plans if that makes you happy. You are taking this the wrong way and are too untrusting and sensitive. Your uncertainty about E and what will happen is causing you stress and you are taking it out on me when all I want to do is travel and pop in to see my friend for a quick hello. The bitch that exposed our lovemaking and made up those lies on EW has led you to be mistrusting of my intentions too. This is not my doing so do not take your frustrations with her on me. I only wanted to laugh with you and maybe comfort you as a friend. I will just cancel my plans since you have such issues with my travels. I am only sorry that it is so much distress for you to see me.
Me - 13 years ago
Ellery,
First, please stop leaving the same verbatim messages all over the IDol blogs. Frank is starting to assume we are having something together and it is untrue and I don't like it. Stick to one place. Here is probably the most private...Frank-free and Sarah-free.
Let's be clear....you are coming to NYC for a holiday and if it works out, we can have 'A' lunch or 'A' dinner. I thought 'I' was NOT the sole purpose of your visit? Didn't we establish this already? I do not want to be presumptuous...but I want to make sure, again, that we are on the same page here. Okay? I offered to procure your tickets as it is easier for me to do here and I am happy to help you...but do not expect me to attend the play as your escort or guest. I do not want to be cruel or to hurt you...but you must understand.
I am in a bad place now and pretty depressed. I am vulnerable and feeling rather lonely. I promise that if you are thinking anything about us it will quickly turn to regret, for both of us. Not a good time. It will never be a good time for you and me. Okay? Don't make me repeat this again as I do not wish to hurt you. You are much too young for me and it is not going to happen. Roger seems like a good dude...go give him some good loving tonight and then we can talk tomorrow.
J is arriving home Saturday..unless his plans change again. He has been very busy. I expect when he gets home he will still be crazy busy. I do not know his future travel schedule...so plan your trip according to when it works for you..not when it works for me...not when J is away...not when you can get a certain hotel. There are several hundred hotels in the city...there will be a vacancy somewhere. staying with me is not an option. Okay? It is just not a good idea. Trust me. Is this clear?
Yes, everything is status quo with E. I cannot talk about her please. Please do not bring her up anymore. I really need to forget for now and try to move on a bit. I finally stopped crying about it so things are getting better...but I cannot discuss her anymore until everything is resolved. Thank you.
Need to run off so no spell check. Later....
L - 13 years ago
M,
Does E still have her same condition?
Ellery - 13 years ago
When is Jeff coming home? You have not answered. Will it be better for me to come before he returns then you will have more free time and I won't intrude? Michael, I hope it is enough notice for me to get a hotel room. What if all of the places are booked to reservations? I would not want to stay with Sandy in Brooklyn. It is too far from Manhattan and there is nothing good or fun in Brooklyn. Her neighborhood is a little rough and it is like more to a suburb. I will not have a car and need to be in the city. I will try to call the hotels soon and hope there is space. I will then let you know about the tickets for broadway. Thank you os much for your generous nature.
I understand everything you said in your messages and respect your e-mail guidelines now and cell phone too, and I trust you. When I come to visit you might feel to give me your cell phone then, but if not it is okay Michael! I would always tell you everything and be open just as you described with like Anna, and E and never hold back from you. I feel that trustful and close to you, my friend.
hugs,
L
Me - 13 years ago
L,
I picked up your message from the other place and will add additional comments. Think you sent it this morning...so mostly a repeat of what you posted here. I am pretty certain that Sarah would not check here at Rickey's ...or even be savvy enough to figure out how to get in this poll site if she knew we were talking here. So we are, perhaps, safer here. The person I communicated with on these polls for a long while is probably gone too since I have chosen to ignore her.... so we should be safe. Doubt it would occur to her to check random polls for comments and she would not be savvy or sagacious enough to find me hidden here on a Lee/Kris related poll...or really think that I would be back on this poll site talking to anyone else. Don't feel she cares what I have to say anymore, which is fine with me! So safer here than over there where Sarah may snoop!
Re: my e-mail...you will not let it go and have asked many times, so allow me to explain in detail why I choose not to release this to anyone outside of work...with very few exceptions. Would it make you feel better if I told you that E does not have my e-mail...nor Ana? Only my mother (because she is my mom), my sister (otherwise, I would never communicate with her, ever), my brother (for obvious reasons) and Jeffery (cares for my bro) do. Plus all of the people I work with, by necessity. Now ...Megan has my e-mail ONLY due to an unwise and unilateral decision made by Sunil. I told Megan to stop e-mailing me...but she has not. She cut way down. I do not want to hurt you so I want you to understand this...I am very OCD and very often need to take breaks from communication via the internet. I have, at times, stayed up until 3:00 or 4:00 am chatting e-mailing, etc....and then gone to bed for 2 hours and back on the internet..e-mailing again. I need to control it. Additionally, a couple of years ago when the world had my e-mail...it was a disaster. I was receiving strange e-mail and odd messages on my work web page and in my inbox.....this is WORK...they do monitor and I could get fired. The only e-mail I use now is my work address (only one account to check), because if I open even temporary accounts..I will incessantly check the; remember OCD. It becomes all consuming and few people understand this. I am also especially hesitant about giving my e-amil out to people I have never met in 3-D. I think it fosters a relationship with walls...of convenience...for the other person. If I meet someone or if they become my lover and they really must have my e-mail, yes...I will relent. But neither E nor Ana have demanded it...ever. Ana had my London address with the consultant office, which I have now closed. She does not have my permanent work one. As far as my cell phone...I despise talking on the phone...I prefer in person or on-line communication. I rarely use my phone for conversations...and I rarely even pick it up...only if I see it is work calling or am expecting a call. E has my cell as does Ana. But I do not give my number to casual acquaintances or to those whom I have never met in 3-D. Made that mistake too many times....if I am taking a chance by providing my personal information...I need to know the person...to have literally touched them. If they take a chance on me...I'll take a chance on them. In my experience if you break up or never meet them, they still never stop calling. ...and I only like my cell for emergencies and necessity. Once I trust someone...really trust them...I am willing to give my cell #. Megan calls me at work...she looked up the number herself....she does not have my cell. Okay? Friends generally call me at home or at work...though some do have my cell. I really hate talking on the phone...I'd rather VChat to be honest. Is all of this clear? Does this offer a better understanding? I admit, Ellery...you are really making me feel very guilty. I keep feeling the need to over-explain these things to you. Give me break...okay? Please?
Me - 13 years ago
L, the theatre district is relatively safe, you need not be concerned. Manhattan is well manned with police. I cannot make any promises to you that I will be available to come with you. Odds are that I will not. I do not know the dates you have planned and where I will be. Besides...depending on the popularity of the show you choose...tickets could be sold out. I would recommend attending a weekday/eve show for better seats and choices. Get that info to me ASAP! Talk to Sandy and see what works. I posted that link on the other site for hotels in the area. The prices are high if you want a very good, posh area. If you can find a friend to travel w/ and split the cost, it will be economically affordable. Yes?
No, Megan and I did not copulate, but, she would like to, me thinks! We had lunch twice. Last week we had a very late lunch 3:30...I was swamped at work so she decided to wait until l I could leave as opposed to rescheduling. Had lunch in my neighborhood. She told me she wanted to see my apartment. I drew from that (correctly) that she wanted to have sex. I resisted at first...then realized that my brother's caregiver would be showing up shortly so felt safe. Shared that info with her....she wanted to come up anyway. We just kissed and behaved like high school kids. ...fondling...I only removed her shirt, her bra and played with her titties a bit. I was shirtless too and and we just kissed a lot.....no sex. she did arouse me though! It really did remind me of High School (1st base??). She was touching my crotch area so that may be second base, LOL! Then, as expected, my bro's caregiver buzzed in...so we halted. It was fun while it lasted. She is e-mailing me daily with requests for lunch, dinner and some dirty things...I rather like it. But I made it clear to her that I will not get involved right now, emotionally and/or sexually. I don't want to get to know a new person anymore I suppose....it becomes too painful to share my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and invest my emotions in someone only to have them throw it all back in my face....to disappoint me, to intentionally tease, taunt and hurt me; to deride and reduce my feelings and then display an utter lack of trust. To prove to me, finally...that there was really nothing there to begin with. So I built my little fortress and perhaps some brave soul will tear it down, prove themselves. Thought it would be E...but 'tis not. And in the case of E, to have me love her and then when my heart aches and bleeds for her...she is no more. Not her fault....it is just that I am still hurting for her, though it is getting better....
The only constant in my life...the only person who truly and consistently over time has proven their love and trust is Jeffery. Problem is...he is a dude, and that presents a whole new set of issues for me. I am dealing with trying to minimize his pain...knowing he loves me...but being true to myself. Okay, here I go again with my self pity. Btw...E did call me last week. I saw her # on my caller ID...I did not pick up. I could not bear to speak w/ her. She left a VM telling me she was checking on me to see how I was doing. She said she missed me. I have not returned her call. Judging from her message, her situation is still the same.
Yes...going to London end of April. Have not made the reservations yet and am pretty open with dates for the last week...will go 3 days. I need to check on the flat which I plan to rent out, run into the office for a meeting and yes, I will see Ana. She is another person that, had I had more time, would have been a good mate for me. She trusted me 100% and was very open and would do anything for me and she let me in 100%. I so appreciate that now. It is proof that someone genuinely cares for you ....not just words. I need that reinforcement. She came to me when I really needed someone, when nobody else was, when nobody else was willing. I cannot simply forget about that. I am very loyal.
L - 13 years ago
Michael you are such a sweet and honourable man! I could not ask for a better friend! Your generous offer to procure my broadway tickets is very kind. Permit me to get back to you with dates soon? I was thinking of Rock of Ages, unless do you know a better play for me? I will ask Sandy to come with me. If she is not in the cards to make it, I only hope you reconsider accompanying me! I think I will be a little nervous about being in New York City in Times Square alone. Is it safe, Michael, for a young woman to walk around there? Think of the fun time we can have as friends! I wish I knew more people in New York so I could be sure of going with someone. I dislike very much doing some things alone.
I am happy that you understand my feelings but have the knowledge now that I will not act upon them. I respect you and trust you very much and will not put you, my friend, in a awkward position. Michael I am hearing many things from Frank and I feel he is now the one you confide. Tell me about Megan and what occurred. Where is E? Is her situation still the same and does Frank know what is happening between you? You mention to him that you are going back to London for 3 days to check on your flat and visit a friend and stop in your office. He tells everyone and they have all assuming that you are seeing your girlfriend you left behind. Sarah even says "Oh boy, I hope Anna is in the mood for sex 5 times a day because the horny toad bastard has not had any in a month." That was rude and I told her so! But did you and Megan copulate? That was what I got from the messages between you and Frank.
Me - 13 years ago
Okay Ellery. Let me think about this a bit more. Perhaps you are correct and I was too hasty in telling you that it best for you not to come visit. I have been unwell the past couple of days and am trying to get some good sleep tonight. Off to slumber very soon. I want to trust what you tell me is true, despite your emotional feelings toward me. I guess I felt a bit conflicted and uncomfortable having you come out here sans Roger. Maybe my ego is too inflated and I sensed a potential repeat of what happened the last time you came out. that would not be good for either of us, and will not happen again. Understood? I really should be more trusting when you assure me you will not act on your feelings. Sorry. Think about which play you are interested in seeing and I will get you tickets (my treat). I will, most likely, not be able to come with you. I do not go to plays often anymore. No time. I'll purchase 2 tickets for you and I think you should ask your friend (Sandy?) who lives in Brooklyn to go with you! Or reconsider and invite Roger out. Again...my apologies for hurting you, unintentionally, by assuming you had other motives. I didn't mean to hurt you. Truce?
G'Night. :)
M
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
Thank you for your message. I deleted it because I think Sarah was spying there. She asked me this weekend if I keep in touch with you and how often I chat with you. I thought that if we both wrote in mandarin that our messages could be mostly private to the Americans we know who read at these forums. I should have been aware that your mandarin is not as fast, literate and fluent when writing romanized. I will not lie to say that I am not hurt at your rejection of me to come to visit. I wish you could open your visions to include that while I feel a certain way it does not cloud my judgement and reactions. I am feeling very depressed again now that you have made your motions clear and won't even be my friend anymore. I have told Roger all about you and he feels comfortable with us meeting as friends.
Michael, I went overload with the last message in Mandarin. The translation is hard for me to express and it could have been misinterpret by you. I hold you in my heart but now I know that for you it is only as a friend, it is for me too.
What are your troubles that prevent you from your functions? Is this an excuse not to see me? What is happening that is so time consumed? I thought you expressed to me that Jeff was away and that E was out of your life for a time. What happened with Megan? Why is she becoming a part of your life and I cannot be your friend? This is devastating to me and very hurtful. If I had your email or cell I would feel like we could talk about it and not so depressed would I feel. You misread me and do not trust me.
Ellery - 13 years ago
Wo hui yongyuan ai ni wuln ni ruhe changshi shanghai wo. Wo zhidao ni shi ai zheme duo ' dan meiyou ren ai ni xhiang wo yiyang zuo. Ni Yijing shang liao wo di xin. Wo yao yu ni he ni zuoai yici.
Me - 13 years ago
Ummmm....my spoken Mandarin is very good (12 years Chinese School,s every Sunday...grew up with a Mandarin speaking mother; etc.) ... however, my reading and writing is only average to good. Romanized is very good. I understand what you wrote, of course; that is what concerns me.
I apologize if my reply on that other place saddened you, but I must be frank and honest. I do not want to lead you on. What is bothering you? Why are you pursuing this despite my candor re: my feelings?
Sorry...I am not willing to provide my e-mail. You may answer me at Frank's, MJ's AIU or one of the many other spots. Wherever you feel comfortable. If we can time it when sarah is not on Frank's...we can also delete there after reading. Frank won't be telling her anything anymore...believe me. I scared him ;)
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I read the other message you left me at that place and so you can delete it now. I am very saddened. I am of fear that if I leave a reply there or MJ's or on AIU or the other forums, Sarah will find them.
How is your mandarin these days?
Wo Ai Ni
Ellery
Me - 13 years ago
Ellery,
I think what you need to do is plan your trip yourself, sans my help (forgive me...but I am far too busy and pre-occupied with my own life to aid you in your travel arrangements and in procuring show tickets), and if I am available when you decide to visit the City...I will gladly treat you to lunch or dinner one day/evening. I do not know, for certain, when J will return and how busy we will be once he comes home. My brother has kept me on my toes with his issues...I have a few balls in the air now and really need to come up for air. I apologize if this comes off as disinterested. You have free time...and that is great, I do not. To be so young and have no responsibilities or worries...I envy you :)
L, to be frank...I do not feel completely comfortable that you are coming w/out Roger. I know you tell me, repeatedly, that you think of me as a friend only...and at the risk of sounding too ego-inflated, I am a bit dubious of that claim. Nothing will happen like last time and I need to ensure that the temptation not be present. Understood? I cannot add another kink to my tangled, circuitous, 'tangented' life right now. I have some serious emotional things happening, not necessarily bad, just emotional. I do not regret my relationship with J, nor reconnecting with E. So, not to seem like I am complaining...I feel blessed and very rich in many ways. It is just a bit hard right now.
Frank is a big queen who loves to gossip and exaggerate , embellish... like an old, bored housewife. Thank you for the 'heads up', but you need not be concerned...I hardly care what he says about me. I will mention something to him in general terms which might temporarily curb his poison tongue. He does not know the specifics of what is going on with my relationships with E and J.... so to him, my silence means I was dumped by one or both of them....that is hardly the case. I am struggling to be away from both of them and am doing it for their sakes, not mine. I don't mean to come off as magnanimous...I am not. I need to give E space to try to discover whether her marriage has the tools for success...she cannot do that with me waiting in the wings. It's not fair to her. Still...I know she expressly loves me and I feel honored that I was able to give her that which she wanted so badly from me...so I feel content in that. J, though he does not realize this, needs some space away from me to determine if he can deal with what we have become. I think he should move on from me and play the field. He is much too awesome to be limited by me. So Frank can fantasize all he wants...has nothing to do with me...or the reality of my personal life.
Cheers!
L - 13 years ago
Is everything okay with you? Where have you been today? I have checked all the forums obsessively looking for you! I miss you
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I do not want to start friction, but Frank wrote on his site that you are chatting with a man from Europe or Scandinavia on the tech site for gay men and you told this man named Nils about Jeff and E (but he calls her ELizabeth which is a very pretty name. I didn't know her first name was Elizabeth Michael!) stressing that you felt like you had the world by the balls when you had them both vying for you in your corner, and now you feel deserted by both of them and are left teetering on the brink. Then he said it serves you right because you had the awesome Jeff at your command and disposal and decided he wasn't enough for you, so you had to pursue an elusive enigma and conquer her to feed your ego. This were all his very words. Michael, I don't like Frank talking about you like this or repeating things you said privately to another person. Frank also wrote that Elizabeth probably jumped ship when she realized how fond you are of cock. These were all his words Michael. You can check it out for yourself. I gave you the pass key. Sarah was laughing (she says: lolololol!!) and commenting but she actually supported you by telling Frank to stop sounding like your jealous boyfriend. Then she said that she thought E probably loved you but saw no future and did not want to leave her husband's fortune. Is he rich? I think you mention too much to Frank and he goes back and tells Sarah everything who announces it to the world. Then they deride you all over the internet and laugh at your expense and Jeff's expense. This tech computer site is where Frank reads your business. I am telling all of this to you as your trusted friend. I want you to know that you have at least one friend you can trust and count on. I do not mind if you tell Frank I told you, that is how much I trust you Michael. Not all people are mistrustworthy like Sarah and the sadistic bitch who betrayed us and then didn't trust you for no good reason. She lied when she made up things about what we did together and lied about what you told her to hurt me and humiliate me, and made up the conversation she had with you to hurt me. I don't know who this person is Michael but I have a feeling who she might be, but do not trust her and do not trust Sarah. They are both unkindly.
L - 13 years ago
I will make my reserves today or tomorrow. I think it is easiest for me to come before Jeff comes home to you. What about good hotels and can you recommend one for me? I will be traveling alone and not with Roger because of his new work. I will like a safe place in an area with no crime. What is the typical cost? I think there is much to do in New York and I should stay for a 4 or 5 days. I have the time now. I will be limited only by my budget. I had a great time the last time I was out there. Do you remember when you met us at the fountain center at Rockefeller? Sarah will be very jealous that we are visiting again! I will imagine the insults she will say! I think you will have to give me your e-mail now so we can communicate better about this. Are there any good shows to see that you can recommend? I do not like to go alone but in New York everyone always says not to miss a broadway play! If you are free then we can go to a show instead of lunch. When friends visit you, do they go to shows with you?
I want you to know that Sarah is back to checking on Jeff's twitter. She wrote that Jeff had a dedication to you on his twitter page dated March 13 that was "To Michael, this is for you babe" and it contained the title of the song by Dave Mathews "You and Me" and I listened to it on you tubes and it is so sweet and beautiful. Michael, it made my tear shed. I think it is like a wedding song. Even Sarah said "finally J chooses a good song" lol! Michael, he still loves you and I think he must want you so why are you so depressed over him?? I think you need to be away and help to forget about him so make your head think more clear. I am very excited about my visit with you. I am glad that you know it is innocent and we can still be friends! I hope you understand that I am thinking along the same line as you about the visit. Do you know a good website for tourist information in New York City?
x and hugs,
L
Me - 13 years ago
Okay, fine. Let me know when you would like to come and I will do my best to break away for a quick lunch or dinner. It is not wholly beyond the pale for me to think that you had ulterior motives or more-than-friendly notions in mind during a visit with me if one was to read the message you posted to me on that other forum. I am not sure what you expected me to think when you toss all of these highly complimentary, lofty accolades my way. Just so you know...okay? I mean...you were writing little hints here and there and I thought that, perhaps I misread your intent. But the last message on that other forum...well, I felt it indicated an upsurge in your recent efforts to acknowledge your feelings for me which led me to hypothesize (though incorrectly...) that you had, perhaps, feelings that run deeper than mine for you. But since you have made me aware that this is clearly not the case, I will not deny or dissuade a platonic visit of a friend . Just get the date to me soon to ensure no conflicts. Fair enough?
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I just read what your responding to me is at my MJ's to my post. I don't agree with your reasoning Michael! I thought we were friends and after that embarrassing public assault on my character happened to me I thought we were past worries of me chasing you or wanting a romantic duet with you. Aren't we friends?Cannot friends visit other friends during their travels? You are being off the mark and paranoid about my intentions which are very innocent and to be there as a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen and there for you to provide mental comfort. I thought that the explosive event on the EW forum was behind us Michael but maybe not. I thought you trusted me because I never gave you reason not to trust me and I proved that. I would tell you my deepest secrets Michael. I trust you that much and you know not everyone does. I expected more from you my friend.
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael , I wrote a very long post at MJ's. I think you should be very worried because this girl wants to have bodily activities with you and it is clear to me. If what you are looking for is to complicate your life more then do not worry, but if you are depressed adding to your stressing is not going to relieve you. Michael I would like your e-mail so we can talk privately. It is challenging to comb out the private spots where Sarah, Manny, Frank, Dana and T are not using to talk in private. It is here or MJ's and EW is not anymore private because Sarah said she will use it again! Since we are friends and have a intimate past together we share, you can feel comfort to give me your e-mail please. You have mine that was posted on Frank's site on Wednesday last week, so please send me an e-mail to there.
hugs x,
L
Me - 13 years ago
LOL--please ignore the overly dramatic Frank. I am not clinically depressed, am just feeling a bit down and missing E, missing J. I know she needs to give her marriage a good turn and that she needs to make a real effort to work it out so she knows she gave it her all...so it is the right thing...it's what she needs to do. Still, I miss being with her. I think given the circumstances, that is a normal way to feel. As far as my mother coming out?? LOL--I am not 12 and do not need my mommy running out every time I have a set back or go through a tough time emotionally. I do not know where he got that idea that my mother was to be flying in. Trust me...my mother does not need to know about all of this so she can deliver another of her lectures, LOL!
Truth be told, I am much to o busy to get too caught up in my problems. With Jeffery gone, full care of my brother is once again being handled by me. His caregiver is out of the country until Friday. It's been tough with having to work full time. I cannot take days off now I've already borrowed so much vacation time that I am not due for a day off until summer. Miss J too, but m too busy to really think much about him. I want to call E and ask her to come see me, to make love...to spend time together...but I won't. I know she will come to me if I ask, so it is hard for me to resist the urge each day...but I do. Lunch w/Megan again on Thursday. I told her I was stressed and she told me she would give me a massage : 0 Should I be worried??
Must.be.good.boy
It is so hard for one to be good when one is so lonely. :(
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
I did not mean to visit you as a girlfriend, but as a trusted friend. Somebody is very good for you to be with for friendship now. I am so much worried Michael because I must inform you that Frank wrote on the blog that he chatted extensively with you on computer forum and that you seem very depressed about your life and happenings so your mother is insisting about coming out to care for you. What is going on Michael? Shall I leave my e-mail or phone number here or on MJ's, or another place so we can talk about your troubles? I am here for you. Sometimes it is a matter of getting out into the sun and breathing in fresh air. When I visit it would be better to come before Jeff comes home so you have more time for a firend. I can come when you like but I think before Jeff comes back is the best time for me too.
Did you drive Jeff's very pretty sexy friend to the airport yet? I hope you were good behaved! If you check MJ's you will see that I sent a very similarly message there too! Please do not be so sad Michael. I know you are broken up apart about E. Jeff will take you back as his boyfriend when you say the word. Can not we talk?
Me - 13 years ago
Hi L,
Thanks for the support...and I am sorry that I misinterpreted your intentions. In fact, I am a bit embarrassed that I had the arrogance to assume you were thinking sexual, lol! Accept my humble apologies. Of course you can swing by if you are visiting the area. Do let me know in advance as I would want to make sure I am around. Life is busy, and I expect even a bit busier when J arrives back home. Or, perhaps not...I will have some help with bro who is really sucking away any free time I have! But, that's oaky...he's worth it! I have been sleeping quite a bit which leads me to believe I am becoming depressed again. I could use some company. Megan has e-mailed me twice since our lunch. I have been thinking about getting to know her better as she may be able to offer me an emotional salve on the heels of E's premature departure and J being away. She is very cute and seems nice and is really interested in me. After all of the crap I laid on her at lunch about what is going on with me personally....it is surprising that she is still interested.
E is not old, LOL! And she is not even close to 40 (btw, 40 is NOT old!!!!). She is 36 (or 37--I keep forgetting!). You are showing your relative age and inexperience here...because 36 is not old as far as I am concerned. She is 2 years younger than I am. In the past, I have dated many older woman...Bea was 11 years older, Catherine whom I dated just before Bea was 12 or more years older. I tend to be open-minded and have always preferred women my age or older. Now that I am rapidly aging myself and officially middle-aged, lol...I tend to meet women who are younger than I. Perhaps the available females are no longer my age. Makes sense. Now, 24 is a bit too young, L. I appreciate more mature women with wise insights and life experience...makes for better, more stimulating conversation...which leads to better sex! Nice side benefit.
I picked up J's friend from the airport. She looks better in person! Omg! She was so sweet and well, perfect. She talked about J the entire time we were together which convinces me of what I already knew... she indeed has deep feelings for him. I get to to pick her up again tonight and take her back to JFK for her flight to DC. She is so beautiful in the flesh that it made me nervous. She was most curious about my take on J's and my relationship...asking lots of probing questions. I was honest...hope J doesn't mind. A few times I told her she should ask J about this or that. She asked me about my bisexuality a lot. I had a physical reaction talking about all of this with her. She is very envious of us. She told me I didn't realize how lucky I was. she told me J was crazy about me, etc.
Anyway...I snuck a peek at Franks site, and Sarah and Frank were talking about me so I read it and left w/put posting anything....God, can't they find a more interesting topic of conversation?
L - 13 years ago
Michael, I am just giving you a warning signal that Sarah wrote on Frank's site that she will be coming back to the old season 9 EW forum. If you don't forgot this was where we were talking.
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
Thank you for opening up to me. I have little to say about all of this except that this contemptuous woman is not deserving of you. She is displayed as a fortune hunter and a person who is using you Michael! If you ever asked me for something I would give it to you and not choose the side with a twitter devotee. I do Twitter and have for more than two years and most people you meet are liars who exaggerate. This girl who does not trust you sounds very uneducated and simple. For her to accept a twitter friend over you is where she places you in her life. Michael you are better to release her forever, and never look back. She sounds too simple minded and inauthentic for you. Be happy that you rid your life of such leeches. They drain you and offer nothing.
Oh Michael! I checked the on line catalog and that friend of Jeff's is so exceptional and pretty! You better restrain your desires or Jeff will be very not happy!
Michael you say I am too young but I think you would work out better to be with a young person. You have young outlooks on life and are fun and you look young. You are not to look for the white wedding and this makes you a good catch for a young woman who does not yet look for such things. E is almost 40 now isn't she? Maybe that is too old for you. Michael, I think your better match is young, not old and desperate. I know that E is not desperate and Iw as not talking about her. I see you with a woman in her 20's. Michael, I am not saying it has to be me, but maybe someone else.
Michael, I was not saying to come visit you as the reason for sex, but for your company and conversation. I wanted to come visit you as a friend only Michael ! Please do not jump to a hasty conclusion! I could stop in quickly to say hello and we could have a bite to eat. That's all! You misunderstood me! Do you often refuse visits from your friends? But if you would rather not have me come to you as a friend, I can accept that denouncement. I offer my apology if I misled you to think I wanted more than your friendship during a visit.
correction - 13 years ago
My thought in the last sentences was poorly typed, LOL! What I meant to write was:
"She talks the talk, but she doesn't walk the walk. She needs to learn to DO what she SAYS she does...instead of idle boasting. "
I am done re: this topic. Please don't ask me anymore. Time for me to move on....
me, continued - 13 years ago
She does not understand this....why I feel she doe snot trust me...so fuck her. I've wasted enough of my time on a cock teasing, unenlightened, disregarding, unreflecting human. I believe she thinks of everything in terms of how it affects her...even her so-called 'advice' to me is often punitive in nature and self-serving. I do not know what I did to deserve her scorn and her mistrust...but I'm done. If I attempt to rehash this with her it will be consist of a bunch of 'I love yous' and 'I only try to life you up' and 'I only want you to be happy.' Yeah...right. she had many an opportunity to make it right...to prove she trusted me...and each time she chose an unknown , embellishing recent and short-term twitter acquaintance over me. So she has made her bed...she can lie in it. She had many chances to be fair to me and trust me with a twitter name...she proved to me she did not trust me, again and again. Yet, she minimizes the damage this caused. Like...she knows better. Huh! Sometimes you have to prove your trust, your love. She failed miserably. I hope she regrets it and I would not feel sorry for her. I hope she regrets all of the rejections and the rebuffs for the remainder of her life. Let her think of how close she came and how she threw it all away in the name of ethics and integrity (LOL--and she lacks both) It almost seems her way of thinking is on a different generational level than mine. I guess Iw as fooled into thinking she had a young, fresh and open outlook. She does not. She can talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk. She needs t lean to what she says she does instead of idle boasting. In retrospect, I should thank her for refusing my offers to visit and for the 'call block' on her phone (tired calling 2x recently in the past month or two). I think it was a divine intervention!
Me - 13 years ago
Okay, let me look back at your posts and answer all of your questions. Sometimes I simply forget to respond to some direct inquires, don't always have time to respond to each inquiry or yes, at times I do not choose to answer the question. L, regarding your numerous offers to come visit me...not such a good idea. Do not take this personally...but I don't think a sexual relationship is in the cards for us...it's not a road we should go down again for many reasons. Mainly...you are too young for me and I think it was a mistake for me to allow it to happen the first time. I am also not in a very good place right now and have too many balls in the air and too many unsettled responsibilities and obligations right now. I hope you understand.
So, J is not bisexual, he is gay. Yes, he has had sex with females in the past and has even had sex with one very close female friend a year ago. But, he's gay. Trust me...I should know. He loves penis. His friend is quite stunning...dark, exotic...have seen only photos and magazine layouts...and her image on skype when they VC. In fact...here is a layout he brought home recently for her friend's jewelry co in California. Google "Stella and Dot 2011 Spring/Summer look book"....it should bring up an online catalog. Check out pages 3-20 (under the subject "Destination Morocco" ) to see her. Love the one in the white dress and the wooden necklace. Yup, she's hot. J thought she didn't look particularly attractive in this shoot...I say he's crazy. I get to pick her up for the airport tonight. I must be a good boy. Hope she doesn't make a pass, LOL...I will weaken for sure. J told me if I touched her he would kill me with his bare hands! He could too! Ha ha...she won't be interested. She is already taken...that's another story.
Jeffery is due home in around 2 weeks or less. ...maybe 10 days or so.
No, Sarah does not converse with this person who refused to trust me. It is really not important who she is, L, because she is not someone you are in contact with or whom you come across on any of these forums. Dealing with her lack of insight and refusal to take ownership of how her actions (and inactions) affect others (me) has finally pushed me away. I suppose on some subconscious level, that is what she wanted. I can argue until I am blue in the face...but in her eyes and in her closed, iron clad mind...I am always wrong and she feels she knows best--LOL--far from it! I feel like I am a teen dealing with my mother! I am exhausted trying to reason with someone who has no introspection. If I keep trying to tell her how I am hurt by her actions or suggest she be less concerned with herself....it will be matter of her repeating and regurgitating the same worn spiel over again. She has worn herself into this rigid groove and can't get outside of it. I cannot reason nor deal with people like that. Her world view is the size of her living room...in fact, I think it IS her living room. So, in it's msot simplistic context, I asked her to do something for me...and she refused. She gave her reasons...which were not very credible...though even if they were...I expected to be more important than someone she did not know well, whom she just met. I trusted her with our situation...you promised me not to tell, I told her BECAUSE SHE ASKED ME. She ended up betraying that trust. I forgave her. She posted stuff on this site about Bea, her partial last name which identifies her since she lived in Brussels (a city about 1/9th the size of NYC) and worked for Microsoft. This was a women I was seriously involved with and I revealed many highly personal and sensitive things about her (a real 3-D person) on line...eyt , she felt okay revealing this. I did not et upset. But when I simply asked her for someone's twitter name (NOT their first and/or last name, mind you)...she refused. Then she starting revealing all of this unnecessary crap about her after I asked...then said she had to keep her identity a secret
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
I have warned to you that she liked you! It is the enticing look you give, the eyes Michael.
It is right not to have a bodily relations with a person you do not know Michael. If you feel the loneliness overwhelms you, you should go to a friend or a person whom you are better acquainted for physical and emotional comforting. Someone whom you only met would not be able to comfort and give you that which you need and desire. A trusted friend who trusts your heart and respects you from familiarity would be better. When is Jeff returning?
Michael, you still did not answer my questions from my e-mail asked of you. Sometimes do you ignore messages not to answer as you wish to avoid, or do you forget? I am very bored and need to travel before I start my school. What is your schedule and it might be convenient for me to stop by and see you in New York during my travels. what do you say to that?
xxx,
Ellery
Me - 13 years ago
Ha ha...well, she did not have to make a pass at me as she told me exactly how she felt and what she wanted, plain as day. I liked her candor and it made me very aroused. However, had to turn her down. Figured that as forward as she was, she could accept a dude telling her "not now." I was very honest when I told her that I was very attracted to her. I also told her I generally have to know somebody on some level before I become intimate with them and this was our first discussion. She said she "respected that." I also told her that the truth of the matter is that I am dealing with quite a bit of relationship stress now. I explained the issues with Jeffery and what had recently happened with E....though I did not tell her the specifics that I recently shared with you. She told me she felt very attracted to me nonetheless. God...I enjoyed hearing that and I told her she was doing wonders for my ego and for lifting me out of, if only temporarily, my depressive state. She offered to do more to aid in my recovery :0
We decided that in a week or two when things settled for me that we could try lunch again.....with the caveat that if it was still not an ideal time, I could delay or completely cancel. Thought that was fair. She's nice, very attractive, very nice breasts which I stared at all through lunch (she wore a low cut sweater--nice!). So...that was it!
L - 13 years ago
I left another message for you at MJ's and at the other place. How was the lunch? Did she make a pass for you?
L - 13 years ago
Michael,
Is Jeff bisexual too? I thought he was gay! I believe that if she being an old girl friend of Jeff's that she is beautiful because he is so handsome on his twitter pictures that he posted, and then you know that Frank mentions his work site which had his pictures. He looked very handsome with his suit. Frank was smitten! He is like a celebrity with his smooth crafted look , Michael. We all know that he is very handsome. He looks like Ryan Reynolds but is handsomer! Sarah thinks he looks like Jude Law and with better hair. What does this girl look like? I am becoming most curious. Michael, I am sorry you are lonely and it seem you need someone to lift your spirit! I told you that I am not starting school or part time work for a while and can visit you if I travel. I always like to visit and holiday with friends! Roger has encouragement for me to travel before I start with all of my hard work of studying, homework, internships and part time job.
You didn't tell me what that person who mistrusted you did. Did she expose me and that is the reason? You always have my trust and I would never betray you like that. I trust you with 100% assurance. Does Sarah know this person? Frank sent me the pass code to his site but he said nobody is coming because everyone is talking about Idol now on the forums. Frank likes James and Stefano! Stefano is cute but he does not act intelligent when he speaks.
Me - 13 years ago
L,
What a terrible show last night. I was streaming on all of the sites and was quite aghast. I guess Pia and Casey (the hilarious growler over-the-top) were good...but the rest really sucked. Can't anyone sing? Why didn't they take the other Lauren who had the strong voice? Ashton and the other black hipster suck. Paul is a joke...his voice is off key, weak, contrived and annoying. Pia's dress...oh wow...I mean the fit...her body is awesome. I am very hot for her. So very pretty is she! OK--I am done with my Idol recap and critique.
I came here to answer your message...only must still have that awful show on my mind. Yes, lunch with Megan today. Not too excited...but she seems nice so lunch is pretty innocent, right? When she hears about the details of my life...I am sure that will send her running, LOL! She must really like me because she keeps sending me these e-mails which I am not able to answer consistently. I will kindly tell her today not to send me e-mail to my work address (which is the only one I have). I don't do personal e-mail anymore---haven't for 2 years now. She has sent me some rather interesting e-mails containing many complimentary comments with regard to my appearance, my intelligence, my sense of humor...think she is buttering me up for some reason? Proves that you don't only meet losers at night clubs as she holds advanced degrees as well and has a pretty responsible position at a huge financial house. But....I must be strong, LOL! My life is a bit too complicated now with J away but returning to me in some undetermined capacity...E hovering around not really there...but maybe, the pain of possibly losing her again as well as dealing with the complicated factors now involved in our relationship. I need to focus on other things and not my sex life. I hope she is not aggressive in a romantic way because I might find it hard to refuse since I am pretty lonely and quasi-depressed. Well, for today it will just be lunch.
J is due to be back in 2 weeks. He could come home in between, but he feels I need the breather...the time to ruminate and process my thoughts and feelings. Whatever. My brother and I discussed flying down to see him this weekend and he really misses J...only J reminded me that I have to pick up his friend (female) from the airport. It's a is a long story. She had made plans to come to NY to see him months ago before J knew he would be in DC. When he asked her to change the date or to fly to DC instead (she resides on the West Coast) she was unhappy as she made plans to visit with a friend for the first day/night in NY. Sooooooooo, I have to retrieve her from the airport, take her to lunch, drive her to her friend's place in the city, pick her up the next day and drive her back to the airport that next evening to go on to DC to see J. It was a huge favor but how could I refuse after all he has done for my brother? Besides, she is scrumptious looking. Jeffery told me if I touched her or made even a subtle pass at her, he would kill me with his bare hands, LOL! He said "I already warned her about you." Well, there are a lot of details to this situation that I left out ...too convoluted for even me to grasp! LOL! I am actually looking forward to meeting her. They met in college and have kept in close contact over the years, so she knows him pretty well. Are we finished at this site? Have I answered all of your questions you did not want the others to see?
L - 13 years ago
That means there is more you do than I saw in the dirty clips? Oh Michael my imagination is running away from me!
You should let Megan know not to have expectation of you. She must like you very much now if she is emailing you so much and said the sexy things to you. If you are lonely you should spend time with people you know better. I told you I would always come out to see you if you want. I am free until my school starts. When is Jeff back home to you?
Me - 13 years ago
Ha ha....all of those things you mentioned in those clips constitute part of what we do together. Have I settled your curiosity?
Megan sent me 2 more e-mails yesterday. Think she likes me. Seems like a tear ago, even two years ago, I was depressed because I had no one and now I seem to have too many prospects. Well, when it rains it ours. I am not really looking forward to this lunch, but I won't back out.
E is with her husband and chances are, she will work it out because that is her. She does the right thing. He loves her and I can certainly understand that. If he makes a concerted effort, perhaps she should stay with him. I think she needs to know that she, at least, gave it her all. I get that. I won't stand in her way. The fact he wants to work this out with her given all of the recent and complicated developments, speaks volumes for him. I have not heard from her and will not call her. I do not know when we will speak again. Ball is in her court and shall remain there. Last we spoke, she stressed that it was most difficult and painful for her not to see me and that she thinks of me constantly. So I guess, for the time being, I need to help her forget about me. What I want does not matter here.
More on the other stuff later.
L - 13 years ago
Michael I took your suggesting and watched three gay men pornos on my computer. It was very educational for me! The men were handsome and they were very sexy naked. The things they did were backside sex but you could not see close up, Oral jobs, 69, and masturbate on the others bodies and face. Does this constitute what you do with J and am I being very nosey? I am a curious girl Michael!
Michael it is very nice that you love E so much that you forsake your own needs for her. But would that be what she wants? For you to give into her desire even at the threat of what you may want. As example if she decides she wants to marry you and have 3 babies within 3 years that would be hard. would you give into THAT only because of the guilt for the earlier offenses and her loss? In a case as similar you should be able to tell her what you want. Be true to yourself it is the only way you can really love another. I know you love her Michael but why do I worry about you? I know you laugh at my age and think me childish, I am not wise, but I see what you are doing. You love a woman and you should tell her what you want. That you want her by your side. Let her decide if she wants to be with you once she knows that is what your heart desires too.
Peace and love be with you,
L
Me - 13 years ago
The simplest answer to to your first query is for me to tell you to watch any gay male porn clip on the internet...anything that is not a narrow, unusual fetish...but s/b hardcore. Anything you see the dudes doing in that film I have done and had done to me. That is the easiest way to explain it. I am not conservative in the bedroom...nor am I extremely kinky (note I said 'extremely')..I am not into punishment or painful bondage. But men are pretty straight forward...so the sexual acts you see in these films is what I do...what J does. If you need me to be more specific, I am happy to go into detail. you have been warned, LOL!
Thanks for your support regarding E. I love her very much and I really only want her to be happy. I am not some saint for doing this, ha ha, far from it...I was a terrible boyfriend years back...I owe her. This is my atonement to her. I will give her whatever she wants, whether it be: her current marriage back, for me to completely leave her alone, me, a child, a marriage with me...doesn't matter, anything. Her call.. She is not angry with me for the past, nor does she blame me. I want to do this for her. Whatever she wants from me, she gets. It is all pretty simple.
Back alter. Must run.
L - 13 years ago
I am back and recovered from my emotional spell! Michael you are very strong to have the abilities to hold back for the goodfare of her and be respectful of her marriage. To do what you think she wants at your own expense of happiness. Everything that you just gained you are willing to give up so she ensures not to make a mistake. You have me impressed and it makes me delight in loving you. Don't worry I will not divulge the specifications here of what you wrote on the locked board.
I had a question about Jeff and when you talk about lovemaking to him what does this mean? Is that a very simple question? I think when I hear making love, I think of a man and women having genital sex. When you say making love about Jeff would you explain what it means and what you do if I am not being too bold with my question? I am always confused.
I am wondering about the person who does not trust you who exposed me. Is it someone from here from before that I knew? What did she do specifically that proved she did not trust you?
Roger is not happy that we are conversing. I told him and he seemed sad. I told him that you were bisexual and had a boyfriend then he looked happier. Men are so jealous, except for you.
Love,
L
Me - 13 years ago
Okay okay..don't get all religious and emotional on me now. I am fine and adjusting. I have no regrets about contacting her, in fact, it was the single best decision I have ever made. Even J agrees and said "you needed to do it." So I am beyond happy that she knows I love her and that I always did and that I regret my past actions. I asked her a few weeks ago when we were together if I should have restrained myself from contacting her since I knew she was married (and thought that she had children). She said absolutely not! That her marriage was on life support and now that she feels loved again, beautiful again (she IS soooooooo beautiful, really....) and desirable, it gives her the self-esteem and courage to ask more of her husband because she now feels deserved of respect and desirable again. She said, on the contrary, it possible could have salvaged a dying marriage, depending, of course, on her husband's response and whether he takes all of this seriously and if it shakes him up enough to wise up! She said before me she was in a rut...waiting for the marriage to die. Now she feels she has a choice...to demand respect, give him the chance to make it right and really try to make the marriage work, or be with me. He does not want to lose her, even given the complications now in place; so I hope he makes an effort. I told her to do whatever she feels is right...I will always be here for her. Always. She need not rush to me. I am glad that I went with my gut and ignored the naysayers. Some people want to bring you down, under the guise of brining you up. It has been a surreal ride these past weeks and how things have unfolded with us...truly profound and yes I see how one can believe that a divine intervention has come into play...but 'tis all coincidental. A remarkable coincidence.
L - 13 years ago
M,
It is too hard for me to read through all of the many posts at the old place to gather your one thought! Say what is left here then we can join Frank and the others at the other places and at Frank's new site once I get to log in for access. I also read your one message that you request I read immediately on MJ's before you deleted it. Oh Michael, what a sad story. You two belong together and it does not matter a difference if she is married now that I believe. I can only say about this is something good can come of tragic occurrences in our past. I think God intervened. I believe God brought both of you back together. I did not know of all of the painful things that happened with you so long ago with this girl and that you carry such a lofty stone with you for these years. God has given you a second chance. He has given back to her what you so hastily took away. It has come full circle Michael. You must rejoice in the knowing that you have renounced your past action and you have expressed your love to this girl and you came back to her for a purpose, for one purpose--a gift. So you can have contentment and she can have what she always desired. If it means that she is true to her marriage this does not make it a failed venture, it is a success because all has come full circle. I am crying right now and must come back later. I hope she comes to you but if not, she will still 'have' you. This was no accident Michael. The Lord works in strange ways.
My love to you always.
Me - 13 years ago
Okay...I'll meet you at the other place to finish our conversation...but probably tomorrow. I have a lot to do tonight. I know once Wednesday rolls 'round I will be obsessively surfing the Idol forums. I am trying to ween myself off R's entire site so it may be best we abandon this poll as well. Where is everyone hanging out? I run into them here and there...but not the entire group. Maybe Franks' private spot?
I am sure what you are thinking as the "complication" that I mentioned about E is not correct. I am really simply not up to talking about anything that specific now. It's emotional for me too. But I think your concerns should be abated. You are thinking worse case. Don't worry she...I...is/am fine.
L - 13 years ago
Hi M,
It's Ellery! M, I think Megan likes you very much because she brings up how she liked you staring at her and I think that was a flirt and that she was sexually attracting toward you. I do not know that you understand this, but with your eyes, you glare intently at people and your eyes are very penetrating and incisive. When you look at someone it is like you look through them, disarm them with a glance Michael. It is very Magnetizing and it is like you are seeing through them. It is seductive to receive this look from you, believe it! I know just what Megan is talking about! When you talk to someone you look at them that way and it is not only when you are attracting for them. I have a very hard time making continuous eye contact. Michael I think some people might find it very sexy so I am just telling you this.
We have not talked this much for about one and one half years! Thanks you for taking your time to explain the occurrings with that EW blow up. I am fine with it and I was once I got over the initial shockings. We can meet back at the place before this for more explaining. We can join everyone on Wednesday night at all the Idol places! Stephano is so cute! My favorite! I don't want to stay at Rickey's anymore. You seem discomforted about staying here too so we should join everyone soon.
Michael, I think if you want to work out things with Jeff you can have him any day you want him, he will never denial you his heart or his devotion if you ask for it. With E, I do not know enough about the troubles with her. There seem to be a very sensitive subject area with you. I think most of all because of her marriage even if it is unhappy. She promised herself to another man for life and that holds spiritual meaning. You are letting her make all of the decidings for both of you without your input as seeming you are guilty for something and do not want her to do something that you suggest. For fear of a mishap or mistake? I know Frank knows something more but he has been good about keeping quiet. Michael, I have a suspect what the complication you are mentioning is and I hope not to be right. I respect you not to share especially if Sarah gets hold of something saucy. I will pray for you even though you think it is "bunk" as you say!
My love to you,
L
Me - 13 years ago
I should have mentioned that the x's were not kisses, but I blocked out her last name and phone. I won't call her because then she would have my number. I'll e-mail her a confirmation. If I were not so depressed about my other issues...I'd be a bit excited that she might want to have relations with me...but I am not. I am probably reading too much into her message which may be perfectly innocent. Haven't had sex in 2 weeks so that could be why, LOL!
To answer your earlier queries: I miss E. Not much new has happened with us during the past few days as we have not been in contact...we are both struggling to be apart. I must support what her conscious dictates. I know that the firm application of a little pressure...I might be able to sway her, but I will not. I do not know what will happen but the most important thing is that she feel okay with her ultimate decision; that she is content and happy. I need to abide by her wishes so she can determine her own best path toward that objective. I broke a bit form that a few days ago when I talked her into seeing me...but my better judgement took control and I told her not to come. I was feeling very lonely and very amorous and in need of some comfort physically, emotionally. She did not want to come (well..she WANTED to...but knew it was not what she needed to do ). When I asked her, then, why she agreed to come, she told me it was because I asked her to come and she loved me. God...I love that about her. So pure. She is grappling with some other concurrent issues and complications that have come into play. I can't really touch on that now. Okay?
I'll go back to the previous site we were on before this one (do not mention the name), the one with the limited character count, to comment about the last query you had regarding the person who disclosed the info on us. Don't want to talk, in detail here, just in case .... probably won't have time until later this evening.
Me - 13 years ago
I left you a quick message to come back here. You left me one at MJ's but this time, it definitely has been deleted. Instead of replying to it...I told you to return here for my reply. That mod has it in for me, LOL! Maybe I shouldn't have sassed her so much way back when. Anyway.... until such time the group convenes at a suitable spot...or not..hang here for the next day. I never responded to your other questions as I had a few things going on. I am trying to be less wasteful with my time this week. Megan replied back. this woman wastes no time, LOL! I surely thought my extreme candor would have had her running...but check this out.Damn it! Now I have to take the time out of my day for another lunch and to make conversation with someone whom I cannot even have sex with. What a waste of time.
cached/3/7/11 3:01pm FIG.com, L,m,10701@CAPS all //halt//world head/
Hi Michael!
Thanks for the surprising introduction. I am kind of stunned to find out you are bi and I can't say that I had an indication. You were acting very straight that night! I always thought that bi guys were 1/2 to admitting their homosexuality, but you blew that notion right through the roof! I am intrigued to the point that I would still like to have that lunch with you. I can say without a doubt, you are the most interesting computer scientist I have come in contact with.
I didn't mind when you were looking at me for the better of one hour Saturday, or when you continued to stare even as I walked toward you and stood in front of you very close, that was a pretty daring thing to do, and I liked it very much. Will Thursday @ 1:00 xxxxxxxxxxxx work? Here is my number: xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Megan xxxxxxxxxx
Me - 13 years ago
Well, I am not sure why I cannot find my message over there. You are correct...it becomes quite traffic heavy there this time of year and missives become lost.While it is probably fairly...though not completely...safe here, it is best we abandon this spot as well after we finish up our conversation.
I have been poking around all of the sites today, wasting time. Yes, Sunil decided to slip the woman I was leering at, Megan, my e-mail the other night. I am going to kill the dude. Lucky for him he was not in work today...but I sent him a nastygram. I replied to her message mostly because I liked it. She was witty and very casual about seeing me again and forthcoming about her attraction. I liked that...very honest. She is 29 (older than I would have pegged her) and works in a professional employ...a large financial firm in the city, probably the largest. So here is my reply to her brief e-mail that I posted on MJ's. Of course my response was not brief.
Megan,
Hello! Yes, I am surprised to hear from you and yes, I do remember you. I must admit I give you props for getting in touch with me despite my copious inappropriate comments about your body, my deliberate leering in your direction and my impassive demeanor. Well, have a seat and I will, in turn, tell you a bit about myself. I am a computer Scientist and researcher at xxxxxxxxxxx. I am also an active bisexual and am currently living with my boyfriend. We are not exclusive and I do date women. He and I are at a bit of a crossroads now so I am unsure what direction our relationship will be moving, if at all. I recently reunited, briefly, with my former girlfriend and soulmate whom I have adored for 10 years. That relationship, too, is now at an indeterminate juncture. And I'm just scratching the surface! Still interested? LOL...I'd say not...but if you are then more power to you.....but keep in mind, a lunch is about all I can offer you. My treat.
Michael
Ellery - 13 years ago
Michael,
Thank you for the time you took out of concern for my feelings but I trust your word and knew that you did not go out to hurt me or try to abandon loyalties. I am very much at peace with the event that happened on EW. I am glad this happening is not what made you disconnect with this person because it seems there was no maliciousness but only stupidity for her role. I believe that she did not set out to harm me now. If the person proved herself mistrustful to you in other ways then this was to foresee by the act upon me. If somebody does not trust you they do not deserve to be with you Michael or to have you in any part of their lifes. You are better than this and you need to know. You are right to thrust out those who place you so low in their lifes. My father says that trust cannot be forced or created it thrives in the soul, if you chop water, it will not separate. She is how she decides to be and that is mistrustful of you. What was the reason for her scorn and doubt of you? You have my undying trust forever because you proved to me that you trusted me, and if you are lonely back home and you need me I would come to visit you. Do I take it that you and Jeff are no longer intimate in the physical? Is he wanting to be with you when he returns or to move out?
I want to know more about what is the happenings with E but am not wanting to force and interfere. There is a lot of chaos in this relationship I sense it acutely. I know you and you will talk on the computer science technical blogs to Frank and all will know soon. If it is painful then it best to leave it away from on line cyber world or it will be a repeated reminder to you. I am always here Michael if you want to talk more.
Michael you were wrong that you thought MJ deleted that message. I read it and it is still there. There are so many activities there that the messages get very lost and remixed. I thought it was funny and cute that Sunil who you work with gave that girl your email anyways. Tell me if you responded yet and what you said. She sounds like she is nice but you must decide if you need another person in your life. If you are being lonely now the answer could be yes.
xxxxxx,
L
me - 13 years ago
Hi L,
The situation with E is much too confounding and emotional for me to go into in detail right here, right now. I am trying to focus on what is good...and that is the chance I had to meet up with her and to be with her again. I know she loves me and I know she wants to be with me...there is no denying that. She is trying to do the right thing, give her marriage a chance. As much as that pains me, I have to help her. There are some other compelling contributing elemental factors as well...but I don't feel like going into that now. She needs to know she gave it her all and that she was fair to her husband. I mean...she married him, he is owed that, yes? He told her he loves her and does not want to lose her.He knows about me. She said he was accepting of what happened, but did not want her to leave him. I hope he makes an effort. I hope he begins to appreciate her and prioritize her. She wants to give him that chance. We were still seeing each other until recently. We decided that we could get together for lunch or for talking, etc. But each time....even though we planned the converse...we became intimate. LOL...try as we may, it was not possible to meet up as friends...we always found a way (okay...I'll accept the blame here). So, we had to stop seeing each other. It was too hard for her. I was very lonely early last week and I called her and asked if she would come see me...I told her I miss being with her and needed to be with her (code for sex). She hesitated saying "Michael, I want to come to you...but I cannot." I asked her again and said "please...I need you right now." She agreed saying she would be to me in an hour. Then I thought about it and called her again and asked her if she really wanted to come. She told me she didn't think it was a good idea. Then I asked her why she agreed...and she told me "because you asked me and I love you." Then she said it was very difficult to see me and then not be with me the next day and the day after, etc. ...but it was harder for her to say no to me. So, I let her off the hook, and told her not to come...much to my sadness. Things are teetering with us now. I have no expectations. I think about her constantly, but I have not called her. We ....she...has some very heavy things to deal with and I do not want to influence her. I don't want to talk about those specifics right now.
It does not matter who the person is who posted that stuff about us ...you...back then. It is not someone you come in contact with nor is it anyone you need fear. While you may find it hard to believe..I don't believe she was trying to consciously hurt you, though that was the end result and she should have seen that. I accept the blame. You asked me not to tell anyone and I trusted the wrong person. She had asked me about it (must have read you all alluding to it somewhere, perhaps?) and I answered her, reluctantly at first, because I felt okay sharing it with her and she asked me about it and I trusted her. Never would I have dreamed it would have been splattered about intentionally for all to see. I am the one at fault here and I am the one who caused your humiliation and I am deeply sorry. While I have forgiven her for this infraction, I am no longer in contact with her for other reasons loosely related to this scenario. I do not remain friends with people who, no matter their myriad of excuses, decide they do not trust me. She had more than one chance to prove to me she did and she failed. Do not worry that this person will cyber stalk you...trust me, that is not a threat. I plan to actively avoid her whenever I stumble across her. She has proven herself to me and as Darcy said in 'Pride and Prejudice'.... "My good opinion once lost is lost forever." LOL! But 'tis true.
I'd like to leave here so should you need to discuss the incident more...do so today and I will respond. Then, we can join the other Idol fanatics. I have full responsibility for my brother, it's been hard.
Me - 13 years ago
Ellery, I left you a message...a reply to this post of yours, at the other site, but she caught it and deleted it for being too 'off-topic' LOL--what else is new? So, I will leave you another here. I cannot recall what I wrote, so let me start again. J and I are not history. It has been hard for him..very hard...and he has had to endure my reuniting with E as well as the knowledge that I yearned to be with her. While he never presented me with an ultimatum..he said that I needed to get my head together and decide what I really wanted. Fair enough. I told him I wanted him too...to be with him sexually and have him be part of my life...but was not able to give her up until she decided that it was not what she wanted. He did not really like that answer....but said "okay, i am leaving for 3 week to DC...I won't come back home, although I am able; take the time to ruminate on 'us'...when I do return after 3 weeks...decided what you want from me, if anything." That was a week and a half ago. LOL! He told me he would stay with me even part time if that was what all I could offer him...but if I wanted only Liz....he could not handle that. Weeeellll...I do want him too (I'm selfish) and Liz is sort of on the back burner. More on that later. Okay...I need to get dinner. I'll be back another time to finish.
L - 13 years ago
Michael it is so good to hear from you and thank you for this updates! I already know that you did not feel the same and I am okay about that. I will try not to say what is in my heart but don't expect me to hide these feelings from myself and deny what my heart dictates is true! This is genuine and how I feel and I won't make you feel discomforted, but I will not make up a lie too.
Tell me who did that on EW to me. I need to know the person with whom we chat would do this so I am aware to keep away from them. Are you feeling betrayed or is it somebody you still contact? Why did she do it? Was it because of jealousy that we made love?
Are you and Jeff broken apart or only distanced because of his work? Are you still disunified from E? Can you tell me the other situation with her that you could not mention last week? Is it serious? I know that she is married. Is she getting a divorced or is she staying with her husband? Is she pregnant Michael? Is she sick? Moving away from you? Leaving you? What is it? It is troubling you I see that. You said complex and entangled so I am only guessing my thoughts aloud. If it hurts you not to see her why cannot you see her as friends to spend time together talking and going for a walk in Central Park and not be sexual until it unfolds the way it is destined? I know Jeff loves you so if you are apart and having troubles he will take you back at any point when you are ready. If you feel alone then you could have met this club girl for lunch to see if she is nice.
I do not mind leaving here after we finish this conversation because I do not like the person who dislikes Adam so much. We can go back to the other forums on Monday.
Me - 13 years ago
Hi L,
I had something to do last evening and arrived home pretty late... I was not on the blogs, boards at all. I've had a lot going on lately and some of the dudes at work were getting together for dinner and a club (I hate night clubs, bars, but...) so I had a hankering to get out..so I joined them. My brother refused to come, per usual..but since I was only to be gone for a while, I let him stay home and checked in every hour via my cell. I was fairly close by so felt okay about letting him watch some movies while I galavanted about. I skipped the dinner part to allow less time away from him. I had one drink and then I felt a bit sodden. Don't believe I even finished the drink. A dude I worked with ordered it for me even though I informed him I did not drink alcohol. I felt very old among these very nubile youngins' canvassing the bar scene. I got hit on by this one young woman who was very cute and dressed very provocatively. I informed her that I was much too entangled now to have a "date" this evening with her. She said "well let's just go to lunch". I told her that I could not get involved with anyone right now. Truth is...I am not interested in meeting anyone in a bar or club and having to navigate those exhausting dating rituals and steps...and the like. Although I dashed her hopes....I was still looking her up and down anyway...so she kissed me and I kissed her back. Then she gave me her e-mail. Hmmmm....I don't know if she wanted sex or really wanted to get to know me better. I have never really met people in this way. Anyway, I tossed her number. The dudes at work were telling me I was crazy...she was hot and I should pursue her. It is rather funny...I am so unfamiliar with the bar scene. The music was awful, so loud...I must have been checking this woman out (her name was Megan, that I remember), she came over to me and she said (mind you...my one alcoholic beverage made me very bold and brazen) "Hi, I saw you looking in my direction. I thought I'd come over since you didn't make an attempt to come my way. I'm Megan." I told her my name and admitted that I was, indeed, checking her out. She asked me what part of her I was "checking out". I responded by saying "your ass...and your tits and your face...all of the good parts." Ooohhh... I regretted that quickly...but she liked it. Man, alcohol makes one very loose lipped indeed! the dudes I was with were shocked I didn't get slapped. She blushed and seemed pleased with my unbridled candor. But it was all for naught, LOL! Okay...so that was my evening.
L, look...I am more than happy to converse with you on our blogs, but I do not feel wholly comfortable when you openly espouse these affections toward me. I feel that when we were together and what transpired, was my fault. I should have shown better judgement because of our relative age difference; and given my life experience V your vulnerability. I feel I was in the wrong and that I did hurt you unnecessarily. When you say these sweet and sincere heartfelt romantic adulations, I feel badly about not offering you more and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Do you understand this? Do you know that this is not your fault? Now, I apologized for the embarrassing exposure of what happened when I gave you my promise I would not reveal it. I never thought it would have been displayed in that fashion or with that strong wording. I will tell you whatever you need to know about this.
I do not feel completely comfortable staying on these polls at Rickey's...so once we get past this, let's abandon this place and join the others. How does that sound?
Well, you, and everyone els,e pretty much knows about what is going on with J and E and my soap opera love life. now so I won't go there. J still in DC for a few weeks working out this deal. It is a good break for both of us...especially him. I hope he decides to see other dudes..it will be good for him. Pretty lonely here w/out him or E right now...but it is
L - 13 years ago
Hi Michael!
It's Ellery! We can try here to see how it goes and then drag the other boys and girls here if we like it. I still think we might want an eventual to stick to AIU or MJ's if she stops her snoops! I hope I did not make you feel too uncomforted by my commentary Michael. For a strange reason you bring out such honesty in me that even if I know myself to be rejected again, I have a need to want to tell you all of my true feelings anyways in despite. I have respect and admiring for you. I do love my boyfriend Roger so that is not what I am saying. Do not feel uncomforted please and I think I would not be the first girl to show such opinions to you! I had to make it apparent to you that I am not angry with you for the past and that I feel no regret for anything that I did with you and felt and displayed.
On Wednesday where will you be Idol chatting? Do you think the best place is MJ's or Joe's?
Michael how are you and how is Jeff? Are you still seeing the girlfriend too and are you happy and in love? I hope this for you. I am sorry for anything I wrote about you that offended you during my hurt. I was hurt at first but could never hate you, my love.
love and hugs,
L
me - 13 years ago
Here L. Give it a shot. Later....don't stray from this poll.
@YOU - 14 years ago
Anonymous person whoever you are stop following us on other blogs. We dont want your comments. Booooooooring!!!!!!!!!!!
@Just me - 14 years ago
MYOB and get a life loser! Stop following people around on other blogs and leaving weird messages.
;) - 14 years ago
;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
justme - 14 years ago
hi handsome!
Damnastic! - 14 years ago
Lee will go the way of the dinosaur. No stage presence, mediocre and uneven talent, not a looker. See ya at the unemployment line Lee.
whoah this weblog is excellent i like studying your articles. Stay up the good work! You realize, lots of individuals are hunting around for this info, you can help them greatly.
Michael my darling! I hope you read here! I need your help! I accidentally deleted the bookmark to the poll on here we use. I won't say the name of the poll in case the jealous troubling troll comes here spying on us again. Can you e-mail me the link at my aol address or can you send a url to one of our other places? Even when I google the poll name for Rickey's site, I cannot get back into polldaddy. I could not figure out how to access it from here. I don't want to ask rickey then he can read it. Oh help! We were catching up so nicely! I still have this poll bookmarked. Help M!!!
Michael,
MJ has deleted all of my messages to you and I have deleted them off of Frank's myself. There are still some on AIU and MJ's regular blog. Please go to the poll you mentioned to me one week ago! I know you are around because Frank says that you are on the technical site and I see that you have been blogging on Rickey's and MJ's last week too! Your comments are funny. Who is the person Porter is it that jealous witch? I think it is too Michael.
Remember that I posted on the poll about our favorite former season eight American Idol not winner, and his hit song WWFM. Frank agreed to tell you to meet me at MJ's too so do not be mad. I am desperate Michael and very worrisome when I do not hear from you. Are you angry at me or are you traveling? I have some sad news to share that is making me so depressed and I needed to ask your opinion because you are so smart about medical issues. I have a breast cyst or lump and it requires attention and maybe some surgery. I am so frightened and I hope it is not serious and deadly. Please contact me. Love you.
L
Michael! I have found it! I left posts at other spots too so please reply to me in the place on here where you suggested we chat.I did not leave a message there because I wanted to find your message first but there is not one there. I will leave one now. It took me a long time to find the poll and the instructions were not good. Where have you been? I know you are around because Frank tells Sarah and Dana on his site that you have been to the computer technical site and that you have Nils visiting. Is he your new lover Michael? This would be bad for Jeff and for E. Sometimes Frank says things that are his own mind's happenings so I can't be sure. I will leave one post there and you can reply! I still think e-mail is best for us Michael, but we can try this now instead of MJ's because she kept deleting our posts. Sarah is back at Frank's and they are talking about you again. Frank is reporting only incidental things about you that you have discussed on the computer technical site. Sarah is upset that Jeff no longer updates his twitter and she still checks it. I left you 2 messages at MJ's, private, and one at Frank's and one at AIU. I will leave you another message at your work phone. I hope you are not mad I am calling. Have you listened to that song?
Did I tell you that my parents decided to pay in full for my education and to give me extra money despite that I live with Roger? Now I can be free for school with no work responsibility. I am so happy about this! I miss talking to you my friend! Check for me at that poll very soon.
To locate the poll, is his song title with W? By saying being played do you mean on radios or at concerts? I left a message at AIU and at EW also. Frank's site I deleted the messages because it has gone unanswered for too long and MJ will delete my message soon. I need more details and am not catching the inferences my darling. We never talk anymore and I am so depressed over this my good and dear friend!
I am so happy that my parents felt sadness and sympathy for me and sent me the full tuition for college so now I do not have to work! There is even some spending money for me to buy necessities and items and to have entertainment. Roger is appreciating because he does not have to chip in now. It was hard because University would not give me the dollars in financial aid, grants or no-interest loans to attend because my family's income and assets was too high and Iw as not of employment anymore. They would give a loan with interest and grants in only minute tiny amounts.
Sarah has been back on Frank's again and she will snoop just like the other troll here. Sarah and Frank's friendship must be repaired. You need to end it with these dumb uncultured women on these blogs Michael. They mean only trouble and desperate using only. I know Sarah's goals and her insidious ways of operating and flirting for her gains.
Michael, I can not locate where to post here. I left a message on both of the other blogs for you yesterday morning and I have not heard back. I know you are busier but please respond. I can not find where to post darling. Please correct the poll name on MJ's or on Frank's private and I will delete after I read. I won't say the title here because you asked that I not but I can not locate a poll that addresses our favorite past Idol's song and why it is not being played. The hints were not enough so send a url or be more detailing. Can you spell out the title of the poll on MJ's or the other places and then I can search it? I am confused and I don't know how to reach you. I think we need to start chatting with e-mail or video for these reasons and then you will not have to comment and complain that I keep leaving you too many messages and am hunting you down too doggedly, as you said. This would solve everything Michael and maintain our freindship.We would not have to concertions of the troll following me and being jealous.
I posted this on Frank's, MJ's and AIU. I don't know why it doesn't work anymore. I posted a comment there and it is gone. All of the comments are gone. It must be because it is a year anniversary of the thread. Tell me on MJ's which thread here to go to. M.U. and L.U.
Michael, I posted on the Comcast internet site that Dana let us use a long time ago. Good times there! I left the details on Frank's Friday and then deleted it. It would be private to post unless you have comcast. The URL access is at MJ's, but she might delete it soon under the private blog. I found a deserted Adam thread called "Adam Lambert debuts glamtastic If I had you". If you have the code to get to the Comcast Fancast site or bookmarked Dana's old page, you can meet me and it will be private. Go to MJ's for the URL soon which can take you to the fancast blogs site homepage, then look for the glamtastic Adam thread. ! I left all of the details on MJ's too. Dana said we can use his password e-mail for access. It is his e-mail that we used for Comcast long ago. He is a Comcast customer. His last name (I think you know it!) first name then 100 @comcast. Answer me here or at MJ's but not at Frank's because he might remember how to find Comcast and tell Sarah, if they are talking again. Don't disappoint me because I need to tell you something so important about me. Please be there!
Michael, I have two important messages for you. I want to alert you that I think the troll who is following you and disparaging you on Franks and MJ's is the troll who is jealous of us on this blog of Rickey's. I think it is her following us and I am now almost sure of my accusation! I will not provide the evidence of my accusation on here now. I won't repeat her ugly name but we know who she is and her cruel games. Did you notice that she brought up Sarah's name at Frank's site so this means it is not Sarah. You must stop communicating with her and get off of Rickey's blog right from this instant!
I want to talk to you privately again and I feel you are in avoidance of me. Do you remember when Dana had that comcast account and we all chatted on fancast? It is private with a comcast e-mail and I will check with Dana to see if he will let us use his again. Then we can talk privately. I will return here or Franks with some more contact sources.
When I tried to send you a pm on Frank's you clicked out. Is it coincidental or were you to avoid me? I miss you very much and think about our time together often. Roger is such a good man but he is not the passionate type. I hope our friendship can continue Michael. I have your work number from 2009 and will leave a message there too. Don't be alarmed when you hear it. I am very depressed again now and am thinking of trying to go back to counseling before my two week trip with Roger to Hawaii. I miss your eyes and your laugh and the way that you talk. Please do not deny my friendship anymore. I left you a message at Frank's and at MJ's and all of the other places too like AIU.
And I know it's only in my mind, That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that the is blind, Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him, but every day I'm learning, All my life, I've only been pretending
Without me, his world would go on turning, A world that's full of happiness that I have never known
Hear this song from this favorite play of yours and think of me. I am feeling so sad now. I hope you are still happy. You are always so happy and have so much in your life. You are a fortunate and blessed man. You deserve the best. I hope you are not sad about your baby. I want to feel you smiling, happy man.
I don't care if the troubling witch reads this. She will try to manipulate you to develop a hatred of me. Be cautious Michael.
If you see my message please answer me at Frank's site. There is not a need to worry because Sarah is not there any more. She and Frank had a horrible disagreement. Frank even called her a whore! Frank is still talking about you and asking for you and he tells Dana and everyone else about your business. He said that you are having a relationship on the tech site with a swedish man who is gay and you are planning to meet him. Did you break it off with Jeff? I can be found at Mj's or at Franks but there it should be left as a private message. He said you are oversexed and a sexual addicter.I think Frank wants to sleep with you and has become envious of the man from Sweden.
Roger got a promotion out of his clerkship so we are planning to go to Hawaii this summer for a holiday. My life is so good Michael and I wanted to share my pleasant news! I think about you very often and wonder how your baby is doing and if you are now paired with Elisabeth. Will you marry her or do you love Jeff too much for such an arrangement?
On My Own from Les Miserables. Have not you taken a listen?
Love,
L
Thank you for your message Michael! I'm so elation we are back to talking once again. I will see you at the other spots soon.
:)
Love,
L
Michael,
I went to a musical theatre last evening and saw Les Miserables for the first time. I remember that you told me long ago it is your favorite musical once. Michael it was so spectacular! There is a song that is sung by Eponine called ON MY OWN and this song reminds me of you. It speaks t me of what we could have had or what might have been. If there was a song I would consecrate to you it would be ON MY OWN. Think of me each time you hear it.
I am not anymore fearful of the rude troll reading my messages and are accepted that she is unhappy and jealous person. I am to ignore her inflammatory response here.
I am very confused and do not get the kind of games you play. Talking to Michael here and then to me and re blogging my words. Stop with your detestable games and your foul and pollutant filth. Sarah was told by somebody on the Rickey site that you were married 3 times and that you were almost 60. So since you speak of being no place near 60 then you must be in your 30s or 40s? I think 50s is close to 60, and Michael is in his middle 30s. That was all that Sarah was claiming.
I have rights to tell my friends what I wish. You had no rights to publish foul comments to demonize me. I know Michael, and I know he would not like that. We are both of the same social culture and have similar upbringings in common.
What occurrences happen between my boyfriend and me is not your affair. You are the one to speak of treating others respectfully? You cannot decide which humans are deserved of respect and which are not. You no little to nothing about me so do not make attempts to sermonize.
OOPS! I did it again! I have posted here twice by mistake as I have many sites bookmarked and I clicked on the wrong one. Ellery, I have never carried malice or dislike against you and I have never been out to hurt you. As I told Michael, .. I posted what I did about your actions that night because Sarah was bad mouthing Michael and putting him in a bad light and it was simply my attempt to defend him. You had already talked about that night to good ole' Sarah and she had already blabbed about what went down on that site saying that the only closeness you shared with M was his dick in your mouth! That is far worse than what I said, yet you didn't blow up at her because it was your own fault for telling her. By the way, .. they are not true friends to you Ellery. They have made fun of you behind your back. I am not your enemy and we use to be friends. Sarah has poisoned you with untruths about me and you well know that she was trying to seduce M as well. To set the record straight by the way, .. I have NOT been married three times and I am nowhere near my sixties, I am younger. You almost lost your bf thinking you had a chance with Michael. You would be wise to treat your bf with greater respect and appreciation so you don't lose him as you almost did. I wish the two of you well.
Oh boy, .. Ellery is going off the deep end and playing the role of the victim again. Something she LOVES to do, ... sitting on the pity pot and blaming others for her own mistakes. Did you really offer for her to stay at your apartment with you? Are you still talking to her? Here is what she just left me:
#
Ellery - 12 minutes ago
Why are you sending this here to us? Is it a secret message to Michael or to me? Have not you done enough damage to my relationship with him already QS? You try to ruin other peoples happiness and that is a very selfishful thing for a human to do. Are you trying to taunt me with love songs to Michael to punish me for loving him too? You don't require to do this any longer. I am happy with my boyfriend who stands by me, loves me and is honest and does not run around like a pleasure seeker and a gigolo like Michael. He leads women to fall for him out of humor!
Michael I hope you are happy that now that you ignored me after you invited me to share your home with you for our planned visit together. It is good for me to learn now that the way you operate is that love making is nothing but lustful to you and you hunt girls down for fun. Sarah was right all along about your smooth operating ways Michael. I hope you and Jeff and Elizabeth and Qs form a sex harem all together. Does QS know that you got your married girlfriend pregnant?
Why are you sending this here to us? Is it a secret message to Michael or to me? Have not you done enough damage to my relationship with him already QS? You try to ruin other peoples happiness and that is a very selfishful thing for a human to do. Are you trying to taunt me with love songs to Michael to punish me for loving him too? You don't require to do this any longer. I am happy with my boyfriend who stands by me, loves me and is honest and does not run around like a pleasure seeker and a gigolo like Michael. He leads women to fall for him out of humor!
Michael I hope you are happy that now that you ignored me after you invited me to share your home with you for our planned visit together. It is good for me to learn now that the way you operate is that love making is nothing but lustful to you and you hunt girls down for fun. Sarah was right all along about your smooth operating ways Michael. I hope you and Jeff and Elizabeth and Qs form a sex harem all together. Does QS know that you got your married girlfriend pregnant?
Ever get a song stuck in your head? I have one by Steve Perry of Journey playing over and over in my head for the last two days. They were clients of ours and I toured on the road with them and Van Halen who opened for them along w/ Eddie Money as well. Anyway, Neal Schon the lead guitarist of Journey liked me and asked me to thread his guitar cord to him and take up the slack as he moved around on stage. I felt so proud to see the little girlies in the audience envying me. They were really nice guys, but Steve Perry was a bit full of himself. Anyway, listen to their song, ... ' Send Her My Love '. I think it is the best song they ever did and that is the one I have playing in my head. It's beautiful and I love the words to it and the melody is so haunting.
Michael, I see to it that you have taken to ignoring but all of my messages on Frank's site and on the entire internet! I have only been a trusting friend to you! Why Michael? Roger insists that I am in love with you and wants to break off our relationship! I would like to talk to you about this. You have my cell and I will leave my e-mail at Frank's again. If Roger is going to break up with me any way, then I can come out to visit you.
Please do not torture me any more Michael. I am beginning to have those feelings of hopelessness again like when I had to be put on anti depressants. I hope you realize that I didn't harm you and I only want to be your close friend. Don't shut me out because it is making me feel hopeless and solemn.
Love,
L
Michael,
I think the troll has frightened you away with her scheming tricks and ploys. I left my cellular number at our private forum for you. We can handle all of the arrangements over the phone. It will be great to hear your voice again just like in the old days, Michael! :)
hugs and love,
L
Michael,
I do not think that it is me who is the party to give out crap here! Sherlock the troll is being rude and dishing out crap. She is invading our private forum to start trouble. We can go back to how it was before on our other places and work this out.
hugs,
L
L,
Do me a favor and cut the crap. 'kay?
Dearest Michael,
Please look for me today. I cannot find success to locate you. I wanted to confirm the dates for my visit. It will be so nice to visit you again in NY for the second time! I was wishing to talk about our plans and the play we are attending. I am excited about our time together. Are you in the same flat as last time I stayed with you? If I don't find you today on our forums, I will call you at work. I still have your work number from last time. I will try that first and if unlucky will call you at home tonight. I think I even have your e-mail that you gave me so I will try this method too.
Who is this desperate troll called Sherlock? I will laugh her off! Goodbye my dearest.
hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
L
Michael,
Dearest, who is this jokester? Is this a serious message? Please send me a note some place to explain. I cannot find you anywhere today.
hugs and xxxxxxxxx,
L
Who are you, Sherlock? Is this for joking?
Michael,
It is critical that you don't post here anymore. You know where to go for explanation. It is VERY important that you read what I have left you. Love, .. Sherlock
*sown
I don't know what sort of reply you are awaiting. I am through discussing this situation. It is painful for me. I apologize for my profane language...it was uncalled for. So I am a selfish ass hole of a dude who is concerned only with his physical needs....whatever. Okay?
So, yeah...I am now reaping that which I have sowed. Ummm....quite literally, actually. So, yes, an apropos statement. I feel partially foolish and partially numb. It is still very surreal and the reality of this is making me feel very withdrawn. I am very tired now having left work early so I am going to nap for a bit. With the exception of those few dates previously noted, I am here and can see you for lunch or dinner. I'll see if J can come along...unless he is moved out by then, LOL!
Just please stop getting on my case about this. I shared far too much already. It might not happen so no use getting worked up over it. I have not spoken to E in 2 weeks so I don't know for certain what she is thinking. It is posssssssble that she is havnggg a chnae aof heart and that she deci
I am waiting for a reply Michael. I left you messages at MJ's and at Frank's this early morning. Are you mad at me? I am avoiding the days noted and coming the week before then. I hope you want to see me and your anger at me is subsided. I will apologize if my words were hurtful too.
Love and hugs,
L
I am not understanding. You are talking like somebody did these things to you, when then you did them yourself Michael, you made these decisions. You wrote to her, you had physical actions with her when she was married and you put her in the same situation that led to your misery to begin with! Follow the dots (this is what Roger always says). For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Religion and having God in your life would be good for you.
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
I know you are a good man and you have proven that to me. You have come to my rescue once, and this do you remember? Now you are just being a stupid man. You say you have nobody else now for a friend, then my visit will be good for you.
I have been out of diapers for about 22 years Michael. It is ample rudeness and disrespecting to speak the profanity term fuck to a lady in that circumstance. I am appalling at your crass behaviours. The best is just not good enough for you. She was the one that you wanted and do you remember that? You laugh often and make insensitive remarks about my missionary school education, but we were taught modesty and appreciating what treasures life holds for us. When you have the best of what you want delivered to you by God, you find reasons to reject it. Where do you think this baby came from? It is not by chance, Michael. It is God's gift to you, a baby from the woman you love. You do not see it you stupid man! You let the first one perish and this is your second chance. Jeff is so right with this Michael and you must heed his advice and listen to his words carefully and soundly with a clear and lucid brain.
If your soul is suffering allow it to suffer no longer. Instead of crying at what you are lacking and looking for someone to make you feel right about your bad decisions, you should repent to the Lord. That will be the last thing I advise about my Christianity. You are hurting E more than she is hurting you and you know it; and still you do it!
hugs,
L
Wtf? What do you expect? You known I am atheist and yet, you lecture me with this religious crap to make me feel worse. Listen...stop leaving me messages all over the place to come here it only leads your little bored friends to search for me. I do not appreciate the snarky tone to your messages....you are barely out of diapers and are hardly equipped to provide advice and moral guidance. 'kay? If you are trying to piss me off so I will fuck you when you come out then it will only lead to both of us later feeling miserable. Is that what you want? Please tone it down then.
I am hurting pretty badly now and I am not saying my pain or grief or stress is greater than E's. Okay? I know what she wants and I know what she feels she has to do. ...they are two different, opposing things. I cannot ask her what she wants. If she tells me what I think the answer may be, then what do I do with that? I leave J....pull Daniel's best friend away from him....get married knowing I am not heterosexual (and yes...I believe I can suppress these urges for men for her sake...maybe forever, maybe not, but I do not know for certain how long, yes maybe forever)...make her feel guilt for hurting her husband....then what if I fail? What if I fail at being a father and a good husband? And what if J is right and I hurt her all over again? See...I feel like I have no friends left to talk to about this...so I guess perhaps I do wallow a bit in self-pity. J is my best friend but he can't hear anymore about this...he is a bit disgusted, disappointed. It will probably signify the end of us...this pregnancy. Can't tell bro, he'll tell my mom...bad for her to hear about this. Can't tell my mom, my lifelong confidant for obvious reasons...The women at work..Sheila, Trish...they all love J and would think I am a prick to impregnate my married former lover and then not take her back....you know women, LOL! I cannot tell any females about this....so, I cannot tell anyone. Nobody understands and everyone will hate me for this. LOL! Only very few know. And now even you are reacting like a typical woman. I have no real male friends with whom I can confide because of the complexity and personal judgements involved in this issue. My male friends are more acquaintances, buds. I wish Ana would find out some how about it and bring it up end of April when I plan to see her (well, depending) or Sheila and just say "hey, I heard about the situation with E, what's up." Because I cannot talk about it without a prompt. It is too hard to bring up.... . I simply cannot bring it up with anyone. Cannot tell my friends on the tech site because of Queen Frank. I feel very alone. The last time I felt this alone in my life, this vulnerable was after the abortion and the aftermath, when we broke up. I want her so fucking badly. I want to be with her so fucking God Damn much that it is eating me inside. I lost 8 pounds. I am losing for every pound she is gaining, LOL (that was J's joke). Do you get that? Cut me some slack please.
Michael, You lead such a charmed life. You complaints but it is so easy with your gifts and your freedom. You will not see what is at risk for her. You have everything you need but denial to find solace and happiness. I am not wise but I see that you had physical actions with her and did not bother to use birth control. You are almost a 40 year old man! A stupid man only does this you stupid man! I think you wanted to have her pregnant so you can feel free of the weight you have to carry for your immoral actions with the abortion and her near death experience. You don't believe that God brought her back, but he did! Michael I love you and I will no longer deny this and I know that you know this too.
She wants you to go to her. I feel i and all tho I know the right thing for God is for her to be married still and she is choosing the right path. I think that path will make you and her unhappiness forever. Ask her what she wants from you. you won't because you know the answer. You stupid man! Jeff was right and he is always right Michael. You are hurting her again but pretending that she is the one hurting you. You stupid stupid man.
I am very mad now and will pray hard for you.
What you wrote is blasphemy and I will pray for you.
Are you pregnant and are you married to another person? No you are not so stop thinking of all of your pain and broken soul and think what she is going through. I applaud her for not getting an abortion. You are being a coward to make up reasons to not be with her. You can't make decisions easy so you have fundamental obstructions in place to prevent you. She wants you to go to her you stupid man!
I will pray hard for you because you need many prayers!
Ellery,
I came back here to apologize for my comments...I went overboard and many of the things I said about that person who has caused me pain; things said were true, but some were also unkind for me to express here. I felt emotional. She has no idea how and why she hurt me so I should not go off like that. Besides, if she ever read here on the very off, off ,off-chance, I'd feel a bit badly (not that she doesn't deserve it). ..."there is none so blind as those who will not see" that's her...how's that for a biblical quote? LOL! Or a loosely-based biblical quote.
Thanks for the religion lesson, but I am fairly certain that God was not there when I was fucking my married x-gf without the benefit of birth control. And what a gigantic Amen moment that must have been for him! I mean....having me impregnate her again with the chance she might suffer a 3rd miscarriage or undergo another abortion or to have and raise a child--my child--with a man who is not the father. I think God could have made better and humbler use of his all-mighty authority by implanting her husband's seed and allowing the child develop to fruition. Or perhaps...he could have intervened with another immaculate conception, like with his own son. So, is God slapping me in the face? Rubbing my nose in it? Wasn't necessary...I still hate myself enough for what I did to her all those years ago. So Ellery...it wasn't enough for me to see her pregnant all those years ago with another man's child...which she lost, because of me...but to have her return and me impregnate her and have her potentially birth this child to be raised by a man who is not the father and who is undeserving of her? Ha ha...and there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot tell her to come be with me and have the baby...because that would force her to hurt her husband (he cannot do that and live with herself...it would destroy her and our relationship) ...and he does not want her to leave him. So I pretend that I am okay with her staying in the marriage and am trying to agree with her that it is the right thing so she does not suffer any more pain. She is actually happy about the baby...stressed, sometimes indifferent, but determined to have it.
Look...I have never felt this vulnerable in my entire life. Never. Not depressed...vulnerable. I cannot tell my mother, not yet. I am happy that E might have what she always wanted...even at such a great cost. But in the meantime, all of this is just ripping my fucking soul apart. So I need to drop this for good. I have to pretend it is not happening for now. If you see me in NY do not bring any of this up. Do not try to be alone with me. I need to trust you.
So spell check. I am off this site.
Oh Michael! I want to be with you now, as your friend to comfort you in your sadness. I cannot respond anywhere but here since it is about E and her condition. I will discontinue talk of her after my final statement on this subject. That you addressed her pregnancy I now feel okay to talk about it on here. I never mention it anywhere but only speak in mysterious terms when asking about it to you in the case someone like sarah is spying. So she has not miscarried? Is she surpassed that danger point now? Does she know for definite the baby is yours now? Michael it is sad and it is happy too. Rejoice in the happy part. I told you before Michael, it has all come full circle and God has seen to it that he has given to her the life you selfishly whisked away from her. The life she desired to grow inside of her, your baby, you. God brought you together again so you could bring her all that you initially destroyed. You can live knowing that the pain you caused has ultimately led to a second chance for her, the final joy of the birth of your child. She can now have the baby that she was not able to have with her husband. She was not meant to have his child Michael, you see this in your heart. If her husband raises the child it will hurt for you with the pain of one thousand swords, but God has bound them together in a marriage and it is the right thing. What God has joined, let no man pull asunder. You were to meet her again for a reason and it is all clear. It was not fate, it was God's work. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
hugs and xxxxxxx,
Ellery
Eeeerr, okay..."infamy" was the wrong word choice. April 1 is a sullen, sad day for me. That's all I meant. I was hoping she would schedule the ultrasound for another day when she realized what the day represented for me. Anyway...she wants to keep me in the loop with regard tot he development...but I want to be out of the loop. It is too painful. Oughta here....
he loves her and is doing what he feels she needs. Spending more time with her, etc. So the child becomes his. That is that. It is her decision. Ultrasound April 1 (a day of infamy for me....don't ask). All too sad. PLEASE do not repeat this to Sarah or Frank or anyone. I can no longer bear to talk about this so please do not bring it up. J is a bit upset over it, but still supportive in a small way... which does not help. No more of this please. Do not ask me about her on here or on MJ's or any other place. Leave your cell on my work before your departure for NY. Thanks.
she got carried away and perhaps, subconsciously, was a bit jealous that we had a brief sexual episode and this made her word her EW expose' in the fashion that she did. She admitted it was wrong, poor judgement and has voiced her regret. I am not angry at her about this any longer and and have moved on. I do not believe she was out to purposefully hurt you. I am the one who was wrong to trust the information I told her would remain hushed. This is not why I no longer keep in touch with her. I forgave her for this faux pas. I no longer keep in touch with her because she has proven to me....after many opportunities to prove otherwise,....that she does not trust me and that I am unimportant in her life. She does not get it because she is dense and thick-headed. I get exhausted trying to explain things to her...she sees things from one singular angle only, but denies this and can't even accept that she is closed-minded at times and thinks she always knows best, like she is some higher authority. Incapable of listening to dissent. My feelings were thrown on the back burner in favor of some flash-in-the- pan new twitter twat whom she didn't even know! SPEAKS VOLUMES! She did not trust me enough to prove it by just giving me a name of some twitter friend. She even said "If I give it to you, you have to promise never to contact her...never message her blah blah blah " after I had told her I would not contact the bimbo. When push came to shove, she chose this person over me. She denies it, but that is exactly what she did. Guess it's no wonder why she is divorced three times. Absolutely no insight. I will NEVER get close to anyone on the internet EVER again. I tried with 3D but she rejected me over and over. She is a cock tease and led me on. She has proven that. I think she drove me away intentionally so I would stop asking to get together. And after all of this...she knows that I had no choice but to leave...and still her stupid pride and failure to admit error has forced her into where she shall remain. She had the chance to come back and say "I don't want to lose you, you are more important, I trust you and I will prove it." She did not. Then she cuts off contact w/ the other cartoon twitter person and still won't trust me. This is highly insulting. I opened d up way too much to her and became dependent. I thought she cared and trusted me she SAYS she does, but cannot back up her claim. I was sick of being her little sexual distraction. My life in complicated enough. I do not trust what she tells me about her feelings anymore. She could not do one thing to prove it so I am shuffling her into the archives of my history. The last post she left she told me something like "If I mean so little to you, then I give up the fight." ??? Did she even see the hypocrisy in this statement? So that is how she left it and I guess given everything, I am better off. Time wasted, lesson learned. It is not because of what she exposed on EW that has forced me to lose contact. She is too selfish and pig-headed to see that I needed some confirmation of trust and she held it back under the pretense of some 'integrity'...when you care about someone deeply...isn't that when your integrity, your uprightness, rectitude , virtue is evident? Isn't that when it comes into play?
Megan...yes, we are having lunch this week again. No sex and that will not happen. She is gentle and has been emotionally comforting to me at a time when I need comfort from a woman. That is all I can say now.
E, well, things are the same. I miss her but still have no regrets. I am giving her the space and the time she needs. She has called me twice in the past week. I have not returned. I want to...she wants me to...but I feel she needs to be away form me. It is hard. She needs to work on her marriage. I think they will work it out. He is not perfect and not nearly good enough for her...but he is trying and I respect the dude for that...for trying to make her happy
Hi L,
Let me answer all of your queries here---those posted here and those posted at the other places. It is difficult for me to jump around and respond several places. I think I will discontinue postings here at Rickey's shortly, for good. It is too easy for me to come over to these polls since I read his Idol updates and am already on his page, however, I don't feel like entering blogging hell again. I'd like to put these Ricky polls behind me for good.
Let's see...yes, J and I are still together...same as before. He arrived home Saturday. The separation was good for us. Good in that it gave him time to think about where we were headed without the temptation of me there for him. Good for me in that I realized how much I missed him and physically craved him when he was not with me. We are not in a committed relationship and J voiced that for the first time this weekend, he has accepted it. He still loves me but now realizes that we are not heading toward 'forever' and that he needs to keep his options open. Neither of us knows where we are headed, lol! Yes, I am still bisexual, Ellery. Though I am not attracted to other men (other than J) enough to pursue them. J is very sexy and satisfies that part of me 100%. So the desire to be with other men is not present for me now. This does not mean that a committed relationship is in the cards for us. I updated him in person this weekend re: everything else going on and he took it in stride...seemed only a bit surprised and seemed quasi supportive. LOL--he is used to me by now. He said "babe..nothing is ever easy with you." The physical part of our relationship is still beyond awesome. It felt good being intimate with him again. It was emotional and also very erotic, carnal...it was great. So, we are as good as can be expected. Still somewhat intact. I expect sometime, within the next few months, his eye will wander and he may meet someone else. I don't have an issue with that. He needs to be happy and have someone who is as devoted to him as he is to them. It is rather sad for me as I do not want to lose him...yet, I feel I am holding him back. He disagrees and wants to be with me anyway, no matter what is going on in my life or happening inside my head. He will come to his senses at some point I suppose. I can assure you of that. They all do.My time with him will expire soon, sadly. I am sure Frank will be blabbing this since I updated him on the tech site. So, if I missed any details...I am sure Frank will fill you in.
I got your dates for travel. L, just come out when you can and I can treat you to lunch or dinner. Look...do not clear the dates with me...plan when it is good for you. I never know when I will have plans, meetings, etc. so it is not a good idea to plan ahead in accordance with my uncertain schedule. There is a lot to do in NYC to keep you busy. As far as traveling, I am not currently planning to be away until the end of April. So...safe there.
No, I do not keep in touch with anyone from these old polls. Don't believe everything you hear from Sarah. It is possible she screwed something up or misread. I don't think that ck and QS were the same person...don't really care either. I do not think QS has been divorced three times...I suppose it is possible, but she never shared that with me... I think she told me twice. I believe she is in her 50's...not 60's. Though I suppose I have no proof of that. Never thought to ask her age, but I assumed 50's...didn't matter that much to me. Although...I think recently when it was her birthday, I realized I did not know her age and asked out of simple curiosity. She skirted the question twice...no big deal...so I dropped it. Perhaps then she is much older than I thought (60's?) and that is why she kept rejecting my offers to meet me in 3D under the guise of her self-labled "integrity". Matters not now.
I do not believe that she intentionally tried to hurt you. She got carried away and perhaps, subconsci
Michael,
Are you and Jeff still a couple? Are you still lovers? I was not sure if the impression is correct that you are having troubles. I think you are better to have relations with women Michael because you only seem to be interested in sex with women now. Are you still bisexual? Is Jeff wanting to resume your arrangement or is he finished and going to date other men? I am very confused because you are talking like you and Jeff are together again and I thought you had been separated and you were complaining about being lonely. does Jeff give you the massages you like? I always give Roger messages and he loves my skills.
I sent my dates on the other site but clear it quickly before she finds it. I am so excited! I hope you can fit in a meal and maybe more! Though I will not count up my hopes! I will book the travel and then call for a hotel next week.
Michael do you keep in touch with any of the people from these Ricky forum polls we used in season 8 ? like ck, Quiet or others? Do they come to the new polls now? I have a feeling that one of them is the one that betrayed us. Sarah knows them I think and she says that Quiet is in her sixties and was divorced three times. Sarah says she is evil and I think maybe she was the one who wrote all of those things on your work site 2 years ago and when you closed your e-mail and shut down your web page . Do you think ck and Quiet are the same person? I liked them then and they were kind to me then when I had troubles with Alex and Casey. Some of these polls are old and they are still up. Do you remember the names of the polls we blogged on for season 8? On the EW forum when our lovemaking was exposed and exploited with lies the person knows me and talked to me like we had been friends at some time and now you tell me you talked to this person on Ricky's. I am putting the math together. I could tell that both ck and Quiet liked you then. I wanted you to know this information because Sarah knows them and said someone posted this information about Quiet being divorced three times and in her sixites Michael! She is fooling you. Sarah thought you would get mad so never told you. I hate her Michael. She tried very hard to hurt me. She is dishonest and was trying to trap you and is probably a gold hunter. Sarah said that she is the one she thinks who follows her and stalks her on other sites of AI.
Let me know if the dates are all good and let me know if Jeff is going to be around then. Will he get mad if we get together? I am feeling like Roger is now smothering me and clinging and need to get away from here for a few days and a holiday will be good!
hugs,
L
Ha ha...on the contrary, there are many reasons not to love me...believe me! The biggest reason is that she can do 100 x better than me.
J coming home today...I hope he is prepared to give me so good lovin' ....I really need it. Badly. Desperately. I am so tired of masturbating. It's been a while.
Michael, I was only hurt when you question my honesty. I am wanting to travel because I love exploring big city life and I enjoy culture and love to travel around America. You are seeming it to be that my goal is to be there with you morning, day and night! I am going to be in New York City and my friend lives there and I want to visit him. It is innocent and I only want to have fun with you and be there for my friend who has been sad. There is no reason to think we would be lovers again. I never told you I wanted that and you are jumping to assumptions. I left you some dates on Frank's page with flights and ranges of days. I can drag it over here if you have this preference. I leave you some messages on Frank's that I do not mind Sarah reading.
Michael, you are upset with E and with other selfish and uncaring women who have disappointment with you and then you transfer that paranoid reflex onto me. You think that I want you for my lover. I am not these other women. No matter what I feel for you I can keep my desire in control and control my actions and you need to trust my ability. Don't worry because Roger is now my serious boyfriend. Michael, I think you need to be with someone to make you feel less alone and bring you into a happy content mood. I think I can help and that was all I was conveying. :) I think you need somebody to help you forget about E too. She is still with her husband? You said she is confused. So she wants to try to work on the marriage with her husband and that doesn't mean she does not love you more. She might be having hormone rises which can make a women very weird and act strangely in her decisions. I know in my soul that she loves you because Michael, what reason is there not to?
Grrrrrrr....L , you are making my head spin, girl. Look....I am not rejecting your platonic visit. Jeesh...just forget what I said. Perhaps I am reading too much into this. I am trying to do the right thing...do right by you...not put myself in a precarious position. Okay? My apologies. Maybe I really am off base here. I just don't fucking know anymore. You are confusing the hell out of me...well, not you...I mean this situation is making me question my instincts. Okay, I will trust what you say is true. Apologies if I assumed the wrong motive. Let's move past this mutual misunderstanding. Mea culpa. Give me the dates you are planning to come to NY and we will work out a get-together. It is not "so much distress" for me to see you. I never said that, never eluded to it. It is no secret that my life is rather...well...messy right now. LOL! I have so many people hanging on it is mind numbing when I think about it.
Grrrrrrr....L , you are making my head spin, girl. Look....I am not rejecting your platonic visit. Jeesh...just forget what I said. Perhaps I am reading too much into this. I am trying to do the right thing...do right by you...not put myself in a precarious position. Okay? My apologies. Maybe I really am off base here. I just don't fucking know anymore. You are confusing the hell out of me...well, not you...I mean this situation is making me question my instincts. Okay, I will trust what you say is true. Apologies if I assumed the wrong motive. Let's move past this mutual misunderstanding. Mea culpa. Give me the dates you are planning to come to NY and we will work out a get-together. It is not "so much distress" for me to see you. I never said that, never eluded to it. It is no secret that my life is rather...well...messy right now. LOL! I have so many people hanging on it is mind numbing when I think about it.
Michael,
You are being presumptuous as you said. You are assuming that I am coming out to be your girlfriend when I have no designs in that direction. It is starting to look like paranoid for you! I was raised to be hospitable and welcoming to friends and I thought because you were raised in a Taiwanese household that you have adopted such manners of behaviour too including how to be respectful of ladies, but your manners are seeming more typical American to me. If it is such a nuisance for me to come to New York and for you to grab just one quick meal or a show with me I could cancel my plans if that makes you happy. You are taking this the wrong way and are too untrusting and sensitive. Your uncertainty about E and what will happen is causing you stress and you are taking it out on me when all I want to do is travel and pop in to see my friend for a quick hello. The bitch that exposed our lovemaking and made up those lies on EW has led you to be mistrusting of my intentions too. This is not my doing so do not take your frustrations with her on me. I only wanted to laugh with you and maybe comfort you as a friend. I will just cancel my plans since you have such issues with my travels. I am only sorry that it is so much distress for you to see me.
Ellery,
First, please stop leaving the same verbatim messages all over the IDol blogs. Frank is starting to assume we are having something together and it is untrue and I don't like it. Stick to one place. Here is probably the most private...Frank-free and Sarah-free.
Let's be clear....you are coming to NYC for a holiday and if it works out, we can have 'A' lunch or 'A' dinner. I thought 'I' was NOT the sole purpose of your visit? Didn't we establish this already? I do not want to be presumptuous...but I want to make sure, again, that we are on the same page here. Okay? I offered to procure your tickets as it is easier for me to do here and I am happy to help you...but do not expect me to attend the play as your escort or guest. I do not want to be cruel or to hurt you...but you must understand.
I am in a bad place now and pretty depressed. I am vulnerable and feeling rather lonely. I promise that if you are thinking anything about us it will quickly turn to regret, for both of us. Not a good time. It will never be a good time for you and me. Okay? Don't make me repeat this again as I do not wish to hurt you. You are much too young for me and it is not going to happen. Roger seems like a good dude...go give him some good loving tonight and then we can talk tomorrow.
J is arriving home Saturday..unless his plans change again. He has been very busy. I expect when he gets home he will still be crazy busy. I do not know his future travel schedule...so plan your trip according to when it works for you..not when it works for me...not when J is away...not when you can get a certain hotel. There are several hundred hotels in the city...there will be a vacancy somewhere. staying with me is not an option. Okay? It is just not a good idea. Trust me. Is this clear?
Yes, everything is status quo with E. I cannot talk about her please. Please do not bring her up anymore. I really need to forget for now and try to move on a bit. I finally stopped crying about it so things are getting better...but I cannot discuss her anymore until everything is resolved. Thank you.
Need to run off so no spell check. Later....
M,
Does E still have her same condition?
When is Jeff coming home? You have not answered. Will it be better for me to come before he returns then you will have more free time and I won't intrude? Michael, I hope it is enough notice for me to get a hotel room. What if all of the places are booked to reservations? I would not want to stay with Sandy in Brooklyn. It is too far from Manhattan and there is nothing good or fun in Brooklyn. Her neighborhood is a little rough and it is like more to a suburb. I will not have a car and need to be in the city. I will try to call the hotels soon and hope there is space. I will then let you know about the tickets for broadway. Thank you os much for your generous nature.
I understand everything you said in your messages and respect your e-mail guidelines now and cell phone too, and I trust you. When I come to visit you might feel to give me your cell phone then, but if not it is okay Michael! I would always tell you everything and be open just as you described with like Anna, and E and never hold back from you. I feel that trustful and close to you, my friend.
hugs,
L
L,
I picked up your message from the other place and will add additional comments. Think you sent it this morning...so mostly a repeat of what you posted here. I am pretty certain that Sarah would not check here at Rickey's ...or even be savvy enough to figure out how to get in this poll site if she knew we were talking here. So we are, perhaps, safer here. The person I communicated with on these polls for a long while is probably gone too since I have chosen to ignore her.... so we should be safe. Doubt it would occur to her to check random polls for comments and she would not be savvy or sagacious enough to find me hidden here on a Lee/Kris related poll...or really think that I would be back on this poll site talking to anyone else. Don't feel she cares what I have to say anymore, which is fine with me! So safer here than over there where Sarah may snoop!
Re: my e-mail...you will not let it go and have asked many times, so allow me to explain in detail why I choose not to release this to anyone outside of work...with very few exceptions. Would it make you feel better if I told you that E does not have my e-mail...nor Ana? Only my mother (because she is my mom), my sister (otherwise, I would never communicate with her, ever), my brother (for obvious reasons) and Jeffery (cares for my bro) do. Plus all of the people I work with, by necessity. Now ...Megan has my e-mail ONLY due to an unwise and unilateral decision made by Sunil. I told Megan to stop e-mailing me...but she has not. She cut way down. I do not want to hurt you so I want you to understand this...I am very OCD and very often need to take breaks from communication via the internet. I have, at times, stayed up until 3:00 or 4:00 am chatting e-mailing, etc....and then gone to bed for 2 hours and back on the internet..e-mailing again. I need to control it. Additionally, a couple of years ago when the world had my e-mail...it was a disaster. I was receiving strange e-mail and odd messages on my work web page and in my inbox.....this is WORK...they do monitor and I could get fired. The only e-mail I use now is my work address (only one account to check), because if I open even temporary accounts..I will incessantly check the; remember OCD. It becomes all consuming and few people understand this. I am also especially hesitant about giving my e-amil out to people I have never met in 3-D. I think it fosters a relationship with walls...of convenience...for the other person. If I meet someone or if they become my lover and they really must have my e-mail, yes...I will relent. But neither E nor Ana have demanded it...ever. Ana had my London address with the consultant office, which I have now closed. She does not have my permanent work one. As far as my cell phone...I despise talking on the phone...I prefer in person or on-line communication. I rarely use my phone for conversations...and I rarely even pick it up...only if I see it is work calling or am expecting a call. E has my cell as does Ana. But I do not give my number to casual acquaintances or to those whom I have never met in 3-D. Made that mistake too many times....if I am taking a chance by providing my personal information...I need to know the person...to have literally touched them. If they take a chance on me...I'll take a chance on them. In my experience if you break up or never meet them, they still never stop calling. ...and I only like my cell for emergencies and necessity. Once I trust someone...really trust them...I am willing to give my cell #. Megan calls me at work...she looked up the number herself....she does not have my cell. Okay? Friends generally call me at home or at work...though some do have my cell. I really hate talking on the phone...I'd rather VChat to be honest. Is all of this clear? Does this offer a better understanding? I admit, Ellery...you are really making me feel very guilty. I keep feeling the need to over-explain these things to you. Give me break...okay? Please?
L, the theatre district is relatively safe, you need not be concerned. Manhattan is well manned with police. I cannot make any promises to you that I will be available to come with you. Odds are that I will not. I do not know the dates you have planned and where I will be. Besides...depending on the popularity of the show you choose...tickets could be sold out. I would recommend attending a weekday/eve show for better seats and choices. Get that info to me ASAP! Talk to Sandy and see what works. I posted that link on the other site for hotels in the area. The prices are high if you want a very good, posh area. If you can find a friend to travel w/ and split the cost, it will be economically affordable. Yes?
No, Megan and I did not copulate, but, she would like to, me thinks! We had lunch twice. Last week we had a very late lunch 3:30...I was swamped at work so she decided to wait until l I could leave as opposed to rescheduling. Had lunch in my neighborhood. She told me she wanted to see my apartment. I drew from that (correctly) that she wanted to have sex. I resisted at first...then realized that my brother's caregiver would be showing up shortly so felt safe. Shared that info with her....she wanted to come up anyway. We just kissed and behaved like high school kids. ...fondling...I only removed her shirt, her bra and played with her titties a bit. I was shirtless too and and we just kissed a lot.....no sex. she did arouse me though! It really did remind me of High School (1st base??). She was touching my crotch area so that may be second base, LOL! Then, as expected, my bro's caregiver buzzed in...so we halted. It was fun while it lasted. She is e-mailing me daily with requests for lunch, dinner and some dirty things...I rather like it. But I made it clear to her that I will not get involved right now, emotionally and/or sexually. I don't want to get to know a new person anymore I suppose....it becomes too painful to share my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and invest my emotions in someone only to have them throw it all back in my face....to disappoint me, to intentionally tease, taunt and hurt me; to deride and reduce my feelings and then display an utter lack of trust. To prove to me, finally...that there was really nothing there to begin with. So I built my little fortress and perhaps some brave soul will tear it down, prove themselves. Thought it would be E...but 'tis not. And in the case of E, to have me love her and then when my heart aches and bleeds for her...she is no more. Not her fault....it is just that I am still hurting for her, though it is getting better....
The only constant in my life...the only person who truly and consistently over time has proven their love and trust is Jeffery. Problem is...he is a dude, and that presents a whole new set of issues for me. I am dealing with trying to minimize his pain...knowing he loves me...but being true to myself. Okay, here I go again with my self pity. Btw...E did call me last week. I saw her # on my caller ID...I did not pick up. I could not bear to speak w/ her. She left a VM telling me she was checking on me to see how I was doing. She said she missed me. I have not returned her call. Judging from her message, her situation is still the same.
Yes...going to London end of April. Have not made the reservations yet and am pretty open with dates for the last week...will go 3 days. I need to check on the flat which I plan to rent out, run into the office for a meeting and yes, I will see Ana. She is another person that, had I had more time, would have been a good mate for me. She trusted me 100% and was very open and would do anything for me and she let me in 100%. I so appreciate that now. It is proof that someone genuinely cares for you ....not just words. I need that reinforcement. She came to me when I really needed someone, when nobody else was, when nobody else was willing. I cannot simply forget about that. I am very loyal.
Michael you are such a sweet and honourable man! I could not ask for a better friend! Your generous offer to procure my broadway tickets is very kind. Permit me to get back to you with dates soon? I was thinking of Rock of Ages, unless do you know a better play for me? I will ask Sandy to come with me. If she is not in the cards to make it, I only hope you reconsider accompanying me! I think I will be a little nervous about being in New York City in Times Square alone. Is it safe, Michael, for a young woman to walk around there? Think of the fun time we can have as friends! I wish I knew more people in New York so I could be sure of going with someone. I dislike very much doing some things alone.
I am happy that you understand my feelings but have the knowledge now that I will not act upon them. I respect you and trust you very much and will not put you, my friend, in a awkward position. Michael I am hearing many things from Frank and I feel he is now the one you confide. Tell me about Megan and what occurred. Where is E? Is her situation still the same and does Frank know what is happening between you? You mention to him that you are going back to London for 3 days to check on your flat and visit a friend and stop in your office. He tells everyone and they have all assuming that you are seeing your girlfriend you left behind. Sarah even says "Oh boy, I hope Anna is in the mood for sex 5 times a day because the horny toad bastard has not had any in a month." That was rude and I told her so! But did you and Megan copulate? That was what I got from the messages between you and Frank.
Okay Ellery. Let me think about this a bit more. Perhaps you are correct and I was too hasty in telling you that it best for you not to come visit. I have been unwell the past couple of days and am trying to get some good sleep tonight. Off to slumber very soon. I want to trust what you tell me is true, despite your emotional feelings toward me. I guess I felt a bit conflicted and uncomfortable having you come out here sans Roger. Maybe my ego is too inflated and I sensed a potential repeat of what happened the last time you came out. that would not be good for either of us, and will not happen again. Understood? I really should be more trusting when you assure me you will not act on your feelings. Sorry. Think about which play you are interested in seeing and I will get you tickets (my treat). I will, most likely, not be able to come with you. I do not go to plays often anymore. No time. I'll purchase 2 tickets for you and I think you should ask your friend (Sandy?) who lives in Brooklyn to go with you! Or reconsider and invite Roger out. Again...my apologies for hurting you, unintentionally, by assuming you had other motives. I didn't mean to hurt you. Truce?
G'Night. :)
M
Michael,
Thank you for your message. I deleted it because I think Sarah was spying there. She asked me this weekend if I keep in touch with you and how often I chat with you. I thought that if we both wrote in mandarin that our messages could be mostly private to the Americans we know who read at these forums. I should have been aware that your mandarin is not as fast, literate and fluent when writing romanized. I will not lie to say that I am not hurt at your rejection of me to come to visit. I wish you could open your visions to include that while I feel a certain way it does not cloud my judgement and reactions. I am feeling very depressed again now that you have made your motions clear and won't even be my friend anymore. I have told Roger all about you and he feels comfortable with us meeting as friends.
Michael, I went overload with the last message in Mandarin. The translation is hard for me to express and it could have been misinterpret by you. I hold you in my heart but now I know that for you it is only as a friend, it is for me too.
What are your troubles that prevent you from your functions? Is this an excuse not to see me? What is happening that is so time consumed? I thought you expressed to me that Jeff was away and that E was out of your life for a time. What happened with Megan? Why is she becoming a part of your life and I cannot be your friend? This is devastating to me and very hurtful. If I had your email or cell I would feel like we could talk about it and not so depressed would I feel. You misread me and do not trust me.
Wo hui yongyuan ai ni wuln ni ruhe changshi shanghai wo. Wo zhidao ni shi ai zheme duo ' dan meiyou ren ai ni xhiang wo yiyang zuo. Ni Yijing shang liao wo di xin. Wo yao yu ni he ni zuoai yici.
Ummmm....my spoken Mandarin is very good (12 years Chinese School,s every Sunday...grew up with a Mandarin speaking mother; etc.) ... however, my reading and writing is only average to good. Romanized is very good. I understand what you wrote, of course; that is what concerns me.
I apologize if my reply on that other place saddened you, but I must be frank and honest. I do not want to lead you on. What is bothering you? Why are you pursuing this despite my candor re: my feelings?
Sorry...I am not willing to provide my e-mail. You may answer me at Frank's, MJ's AIU or one of the many other spots. Wherever you feel comfortable. If we can time it when sarah is not on Frank's...we can also delete there after reading. Frank won't be telling her anything anymore...believe me. I scared him ;)
Michael, I read the other message you left me at that place and so you can delete it now. I am very saddened. I am of fear that if I leave a reply there or MJ's or on AIU or the other forums, Sarah will find them.
How is your mandarin these days?
Wo Ai Ni
Ellery
Ellery,
I think what you need to do is plan your trip yourself, sans my help (forgive me...but I am far too busy and pre-occupied with my own life to aid you in your travel arrangements and in procuring show tickets), and if I am available when you decide to visit the City...I will gladly treat you to lunch or dinner one day/evening. I do not know, for certain, when J will return and how busy we will be once he comes home. My brother has kept me on my toes with his issues...I have a few balls in the air now and really need to come up for air. I apologize if this comes off as disinterested. You have free time...and that is great, I do not. To be so young and have no responsibilities or worries...I envy you :)
L, to be frank...I do not feel completely comfortable that you are coming w/out Roger. I know you tell me, repeatedly, that you think of me as a friend only...and at the risk of sounding too ego-inflated, I am a bit dubious of that claim. Nothing will happen like last time and I need to ensure that the temptation not be present. Understood? I cannot add another kink to my tangled, circuitous, 'tangented' life right now. I have some serious emotional things happening, not necessarily bad, just emotional. I do not regret my relationship with J, nor reconnecting with E. So, not to seem like I am complaining...I feel blessed and very rich in many ways. It is just a bit hard right now.
Frank is a big queen who loves to gossip and exaggerate , embellish... like an old, bored housewife. Thank you for the 'heads up', but you need not be concerned...I hardly care what he says about me. I will mention something to him in general terms which might temporarily curb his poison tongue. He does not know the specifics of what is going on with my relationships with E and J.... so to him, my silence means I was dumped by one or both of them....that is hardly the case. I am struggling to be away from both of them and am doing it for their sakes, not mine. I don't mean to come off as magnanimous...I am not. I need to give E space to try to discover whether her marriage has the tools for success...she cannot do that with me waiting in the wings. It's not fair to her. Still...I know she expressly loves me and I feel honored that I was able to give her that which she wanted so badly from me...so I feel content in that. J, though he does not realize this, needs some space away from me to determine if he can deal with what we have become. I think he should move on from me and play the field. He is much too awesome to be limited by me. So Frank can fantasize all he wants...has nothing to do with me...or the reality of my personal life.
Cheers!
Is everything okay with you? Where have you been today? I have checked all the forums obsessively looking for you! I miss you
Michael, I do not want to start friction, but Frank wrote on his site that you are chatting with a man from Europe or Scandinavia on the tech site for gay men and you told this man named Nils about Jeff and E (but he calls her ELizabeth which is a very pretty name. I didn't know her first name was Elizabeth Michael!) stressing that you felt like you had the world by the balls when you had them both vying for you in your corner, and now you feel deserted by both of them and are left teetering on the brink. Then he said it serves you right because you had the awesome Jeff at your command and disposal and decided he wasn't enough for you, so you had to pursue an elusive enigma and conquer her to feed your ego. This were all his very words. Michael, I don't like Frank talking about you like this or repeating things you said privately to another person. Frank also wrote that Elizabeth probably jumped ship when she realized how fond you are of cock. These were all his words Michael. You can check it out for yourself. I gave you the pass key. Sarah was laughing (she says: lolololol!!) and commenting but she actually supported you by telling Frank to stop sounding like your jealous boyfriend. Then she said that she thought E probably loved you but saw no future and did not want to leave her husband's fortune. Is he rich? I think you mention too much to Frank and he goes back and tells Sarah everything who announces it to the world. Then they deride you all over the internet and laugh at your expense and Jeff's expense. This tech computer site is where Frank reads your business. I am telling all of this to you as your trusted friend. I want you to know that you have at least one friend you can trust and count on. I do not mind if you tell Frank I told you, that is how much I trust you Michael. Not all people are mistrustworthy like Sarah and the sadistic bitch who betrayed us and then didn't trust you for no good reason. She lied when she made up things about what we did together and lied about what you told her to hurt me and humiliate me, and made up the conversation she had with you to hurt me. I don't know who this person is Michael but I have a feeling who she might be, but do not trust her and do not trust Sarah. They are both unkindly.
I will make my reserves today or tomorrow. I think it is easiest for me to come before Jeff comes home to you. What about good hotels and can you recommend one for me? I will be traveling alone and not with Roger because of his new work. I will like a safe place in an area with no crime. What is the typical cost? I think there is much to do in New York and I should stay for a 4 or 5 days. I have the time now. I will be limited only by my budget. I had a great time the last time I was out there. Do you remember when you met us at the fountain center at Rockefeller? Sarah will be very jealous that we are visiting again! I will imagine the insults she will say! I think you will have to give me your e-mail now so we can communicate better about this. Are there any good shows to see that you can recommend? I do not like to go alone but in New York everyone always says not to miss a broadway play! If you are free then we can go to a show instead of lunch. When friends visit you, do they go to shows with you?
I want you to know that Sarah is back to checking on Jeff's twitter. She wrote that Jeff had a dedication to you on his twitter page dated March 13 that was "To Michael, this is for you babe" and it contained the title of the song by Dave Mathews "You and Me" and I listened to it on you tubes and it is so sweet and beautiful. Michael, it made my tear shed. I think it is like a wedding song. Even Sarah said "finally J chooses a good song" lol! Michael, he still loves you and I think he must want you so why are you so depressed over him?? I think you need to be away and help to forget about him so make your head think more clear. I am very excited about my visit with you. I am glad that you know it is innocent and we can still be friends! I hope you understand that I am thinking along the same line as you about the visit. Do you know a good website for tourist information in New York City?
x and hugs,
L
Okay, fine. Let me know when you would like to come and I will do my best to break away for a quick lunch or dinner. It is not wholly beyond the pale for me to think that you had ulterior motives or more-than-friendly notions in mind during a visit with me if one was to read the message you posted to me on that other forum. I am not sure what you expected me to think when you toss all of these highly complimentary, lofty accolades my way. Just so you know...okay? I mean...you were writing little hints here and there and I thought that, perhaps I misread your intent. But the last message on that other forum...well, I felt it indicated an upsurge in your recent efforts to acknowledge your feelings for me which led me to hypothesize (though incorrectly...) that you had, perhaps, feelings that run deeper than mine for you. But since you have made me aware that this is clearly not the case, I will not deny or dissuade a platonic visit of a friend . Just get the date to me soon to ensure no conflicts. Fair enough?
Michael, I just read what your responding to me is at my MJ's to my post. I don't agree with your reasoning Michael! I thought we were friends and after that embarrassing public assault on my character happened to me I thought we were past worries of me chasing you or wanting a romantic duet with you. Aren't we friends?Cannot friends visit other friends during their travels? You are being off the mark and paranoid about my intentions which are very innocent and to be there as a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen and there for you to provide mental comfort. I thought that the explosive event on the EW forum was behind us Michael but maybe not. I thought you trusted me because I never gave you reason not to trust me and I proved that. I would tell you my deepest secrets Michael. I trust you that much and you know not everyone does. I expected more from you my friend.
Michael , I wrote a very long post at MJ's. I think you should be very worried because this girl wants to have bodily activities with you and it is clear to me. If what you are looking for is to complicate your life more then do not worry, but if you are depressed adding to your stressing is not going to relieve you. Michael I would like your e-mail so we can talk privately. It is challenging to comb out the private spots where Sarah, Manny, Frank, Dana and T are not using to talk in private. It is here or MJ's and EW is not anymore private because Sarah said she will use it again! Since we are friends and have a intimate past together we share, you can feel comfort to give me your e-mail please. You have mine that was posted on Frank's site on Wednesday last week, so please send me an e-mail to there.
hugs x,
L
LOL--please ignore the overly dramatic Frank. I am not clinically depressed, am just feeling a bit down and missing E, missing J. I know she needs to give her marriage a good turn and that she needs to make a real effort to work it out so she knows she gave it her all...so it is the right thing...it's what she needs to do. Still, I miss being with her. I think given the circumstances, that is a normal way to feel. As far as my mother coming out?? LOL--I am not 12 and do not need my mommy running out every time I have a set back or go through a tough time emotionally. I do not know where he got that idea that my mother was to be flying in. Trust me...my mother does not need to know about all of this so she can deliver another of her lectures, LOL!
Truth be told, I am much to o busy to get too caught up in my problems. With Jeffery gone, full care of my brother is once again being handled by me. His caregiver is out of the country until Friday. It's been tough with having to work full time. I cannot take days off now I've already borrowed so much vacation time that I am not due for a day off until summer. Miss J too, but m too busy to really think much about him. I want to call E and ask her to come see me, to make love...to spend time together...but I won't. I know she will come to me if I ask, so it is hard for me to resist the urge each day...but I do. Lunch w/Megan again on Thursday. I told her I was stressed and she told me she would give me a massage : 0 Should I be worried??
Must.be.good.boy
It is so hard for one to be good when one is so lonely. :(
Michael,
I did not mean to visit you as a girlfriend, but as a trusted friend. Somebody is very good for you to be with for friendship now. I am so much worried Michael because I must inform you that Frank wrote on the blog that he chatted extensively with you on computer forum and that you seem very depressed about your life and happenings so your mother is insisting about coming out to care for you. What is going on Michael? Shall I leave my e-mail or phone number here or on MJ's, or another place so we can talk about your troubles? I am here for you. Sometimes it is a matter of getting out into the sun and breathing in fresh air. When I visit it would be better to come before Jeff comes home so you have more time for a firend. I can come when you like but I think before Jeff comes back is the best time for me too.
Did you drive Jeff's very pretty sexy friend to the airport yet? I hope you were good behaved! If you check MJ's you will see that I sent a very similarly message there too! Please do not be so sad Michael. I know you are broken up apart about E. Jeff will take you back as his boyfriend when you say the word. Can not we talk?
Hi L,
Thanks for the support...and I am sorry that I misinterpreted your intentions. In fact, I am a bit embarrassed that I had the arrogance to assume you were thinking sexual, lol! Accept my humble apologies. Of course you can swing by if you are visiting the area. Do let me know in advance as I would want to make sure I am around. Life is busy, and I expect even a bit busier when J arrives back home. Or, perhaps not...I will have some help with bro who is really sucking away any free time I have! But, that's oaky...he's worth it! I have been sleeping quite a bit which leads me to believe I am becoming depressed again. I could use some company. Megan has e-mailed me twice since our lunch. I have been thinking about getting to know her better as she may be able to offer me an emotional salve on the heels of E's premature departure and J being away. She is very cute and seems nice and is really interested in me. After all of the crap I laid on her at lunch about what is going on with me personally....it is surprising that she is still interested.
E is not old, LOL! And she is not even close to 40 (btw, 40 is NOT old!!!!). She is 36 (or 37--I keep forgetting!). You are showing your relative age and inexperience here...because 36 is not old as far as I am concerned. She is 2 years younger than I am. In the past, I have dated many older woman...Bea was 11 years older, Catherine whom I dated just before Bea was 12 or more years older. I tend to be open-minded and have always preferred women my age or older. Now that I am rapidly aging myself and officially middle-aged, lol...I tend to meet women who are younger than I. Perhaps the available females are no longer my age. Makes sense. Now, 24 is a bit too young, L. I appreciate more mature women with wise insights and life experience...makes for better, more stimulating conversation...which leads to better sex! Nice side benefit.
I picked up J's friend from the airport. She looks better in person! Omg! She was so sweet and well, perfect. She talked about J the entire time we were together which convinces me of what I already knew... she indeed has deep feelings for him. I get to to pick her up again tonight and take her back to JFK for her flight to DC. She is so beautiful in the flesh that it made me nervous. She was most curious about my take on J's and my relationship...asking lots of probing questions. I was honest...hope J doesn't mind. A few times I told her she should ask J about this or that. She asked me about my bisexuality a lot. I had a physical reaction talking about all of this with her. She is very envious of us. She told me I didn't realize how lucky I was. she told me J was crazy about me, etc.
Anyway...I snuck a peek at Franks site, and Sarah and Frank were talking about me so I read it and left w/put posting anything....God, can't they find a more interesting topic of conversation?
Michael, I am just giving you a warning signal that Sarah wrote on Frank's site that she will be coming back to the old season 9 EW forum. If you don't forgot this was where we were talking.
Michael,
Thank you for opening up to me. I have little to say about all of this except that this contemptuous woman is not deserving of you. She is displayed as a fortune hunter and a person who is using you Michael! If you ever asked me for something I would give it to you and not choose the side with a twitter devotee. I do Twitter and have for more than two years and most people you meet are liars who exaggerate. This girl who does not trust you sounds very uneducated and simple. For her to accept a twitter friend over you is where she places you in her life. Michael you are better to release her forever, and never look back. She sounds too simple minded and inauthentic for you. Be happy that you rid your life of such leeches. They drain you and offer nothing.
Oh Michael! I checked the on line catalog and that friend of Jeff's is so exceptional and pretty! You better restrain your desires or Jeff will be very not happy!
Michael you say I am too young but I think you would work out better to be with a young person. You have young outlooks on life and are fun and you look young. You are not to look for the white wedding and this makes you a good catch for a young woman who does not yet look for such things. E is almost 40 now isn't she? Maybe that is too old for you. Michael, I think your better match is young, not old and desperate. I know that E is not desperate and Iw as not talking about her. I see you with a woman in her 20's. Michael, I am not saying it has to be me, but maybe someone else.
Michael, I was not saying to come visit you as the reason for sex, but for your company and conversation. I wanted to come visit you as a friend only Michael ! Please do not jump to a hasty conclusion! I could stop in quickly to say hello and we could have a bite to eat. That's all! You misunderstood me! Do you often refuse visits from your friends? But if you would rather not have me come to you as a friend, I can accept that denouncement. I offer my apology if I misled you to think I wanted more than your friendship during a visit.
My thought in the last sentences was poorly typed, LOL! What I meant to write was:
"She talks the talk, but she doesn't walk the walk. She needs to learn to DO what she SAYS she does...instead of idle boasting. "
I am done re: this topic. Please don't ask me anymore. Time for me to move on....
She does not understand this....why I feel she doe snot trust me...so fuck her. I've wasted enough of my time on a cock teasing, unenlightened, disregarding, unreflecting human. I believe she thinks of everything in terms of how it affects her...even her so-called 'advice' to me is often punitive in nature and self-serving. I do not know what I did to deserve her scorn and her mistrust...but I'm done. If I attempt to rehash this with her it will be consist of a bunch of 'I love yous' and 'I only try to life you up' and 'I only want you to be happy.' Yeah...right. she had many an opportunity to make it right...to prove she trusted me...and each time she chose an unknown , embellishing recent and short-term twitter acquaintance over me. So she has made her bed...she can lie in it. She had many chances to be fair to me and trust me with a twitter name...she proved to me she did not trust me, again and again. Yet, she minimizes the damage this caused. Like...she knows better. Huh! Sometimes you have to prove your trust, your love. She failed miserably. I hope she regrets it and I would not feel sorry for her. I hope she regrets all of the rejections and the rebuffs for the remainder of her life. Let her think of how close she came and how she threw it all away in the name of ethics and integrity (LOL--and she lacks both) It almost seems her way of thinking is on a different generational level than mine. I guess Iw as fooled into thinking she had a young, fresh and open outlook. She does not. She can talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk. She needs t lean to what she says she does instead of idle boasting. In retrospect, I should thank her for refusing my offers to visit and for the 'call block' on her phone (tired calling 2x recently in the past month or two). I think it was a divine intervention!
Okay, let me look back at your posts and answer all of your questions. Sometimes I simply forget to respond to some direct inquires, don't always have time to respond to each inquiry or yes, at times I do not choose to answer the question. L, regarding your numerous offers to come visit me...not such a good idea. Do not take this personally...but I don't think a sexual relationship is in the cards for us...it's not a road we should go down again for many reasons. Mainly...you are too young for me and I think it was a mistake for me to allow it to happen the first time. I am also not in a very good place right now and have too many balls in the air and too many unsettled responsibilities and obligations right now. I hope you understand.
So, J is not bisexual, he is gay. Yes, he has had sex with females in the past and has even had sex with one very close female friend a year ago. But, he's gay. Trust me...I should know. He loves penis. His friend is quite stunning...dark, exotic...have seen only photos and magazine layouts...and her image on skype when they VC. In fact...here is a layout he brought home recently for her friend's jewelry co in California. Google "Stella and Dot 2011 Spring/Summer look book"....it should bring up an online catalog. Check out pages 3-20 (under the subject "Destination Morocco" ) to see her. Love the one in the white dress and the wooden necklace. Yup, she's hot. J thought she didn't look particularly attractive in this shoot...I say he's crazy. I get to pick her up for the airport tonight. I must be a good boy. Hope she doesn't make a pass, LOL...I will weaken for sure. J told me if I touched her he would kill me with his bare hands! He could too! Ha ha...she won't be interested. She is already taken...that's another story.
Jeffery is due home in around 2 weeks or less. ...maybe 10 days or so.
No, Sarah does not converse with this person who refused to trust me. It is really not important who she is, L, because she is not someone you are in contact with or whom you come across on any of these forums. Dealing with her lack of insight and refusal to take ownership of how her actions (and inactions) affect others (me) has finally pushed me away. I suppose on some subconscious level, that is what she wanted. I can argue until I am blue in the face...but in her eyes and in her closed, iron clad mind...I am always wrong and she feels she knows best--LOL--far from it! I feel like I am a teen dealing with my mother! I am exhausted trying to reason with someone who has no introspection. If I keep trying to tell her how I am hurt by her actions or suggest she be less concerned with herself....it will be matter of her repeating and regurgitating the same worn spiel over again. She has worn herself into this rigid groove and can't get outside of it. I cannot reason nor deal with people like that. Her world view is the size of her living room...in fact, I think it IS her living room. So, in it's msot simplistic context, I asked her to do something for me...and she refused. She gave her reasons...which were not very credible...though even if they were...I expected to be more important than someone she did not know well, whom she just met. I trusted her with our situation...you promised me not to tell, I told her BECAUSE SHE ASKED ME. She ended up betraying that trust. I forgave her. She posted stuff on this site about Bea, her partial last name which identifies her since she lived in Brussels (a city about 1/9th the size of NYC) and worked for Microsoft. This was a women I was seriously involved with and I revealed many highly personal and sensitive things about her (a real 3-D person) on line...eyt , she felt okay revealing this. I did not et upset. But when I simply asked her for someone's twitter name (NOT their first and/or last name, mind you)...she refused. Then she starting revealing all of this unnecessary crap about her after I asked...then said she had to keep her identity a secret
Michael,
I have warned to you that she liked you! It is the enticing look you give, the eyes Michael.
It is right not to have a bodily relations with a person you do not know Michael. If you feel the loneliness overwhelms you, you should go to a friend or a person whom you are better acquainted for physical and emotional comforting. Someone whom you only met would not be able to comfort and give you that which you need and desire. A trusted friend who trusts your heart and respects you from familiarity would be better. When is Jeff returning?
Michael, you still did not answer my questions from my e-mail asked of you. Sometimes do you ignore messages not to answer as you wish to avoid, or do you forget? I am very bored and need to travel before I start my school. What is your schedule and it might be convenient for me to stop by and see you in New York during my travels. what do you say to that?
xxx,
Ellery
Ha ha...well, she did not have to make a pass at me as she told me exactly how she felt and what she wanted, plain as day. I liked her candor and it made me very aroused. However, had to turn her down. Figured that as forward as she was, she could accept a dude telling her "not now." I was very honest when I told her that I was very attracted to her. I also told her I generally have to know somebody on some level before I become intimate with them and this was our first discussion. She said she "respected that." I also told her that the truth of the matter is that I am dealing with quite a bit of relationship stress now. I explained the issues with Jeffery and what had recently happened with E....though I did not tell her the specifics that I recently shared with you. She told me she felt very attracted to me nonetheless. God...I enjoyed hearing that and I told her she was doing wonders for my ego and for lifting me out of, if only temporarily, my depressive state. She offered to do more to aid in my recovery :0
We decided that in a week or two when things settled for me that we could try lunch again.....with the caveat that if it was still not an ideal time, I could delay or completely cancel. Thought that was fair. She's nice, very attractive, very nice breasts which I stared at all through lunch (she wore a low cut sweater--nice!). So...that was it!
I left another message for you at MJ's and at the other place. How was the lunch? Did she make a pass for you?
Michael,
Is Jeff bisexual too? I thought he was gay! I believe that if she being an old girl friend of Jeff's that she is beautiful because he is so handsome on his twitter pictures that he posted, and then you know that Frank mentions his work site which had his pictures. He looked very handsome with his suit. Frank was smitten! He is like a celebrity with his smooth crafted look , Michael. We all know that he is very handsome. He looks like Ryan Reynolds but is handsomer! Sarah thinks he looks like Jude Law and with better hair. What does this girl look like? I am becoming most curious. Michael, I am sorry you are lonely and it seem you need someone to lift your spirit! I told you that I am not starting school or part time work for a while and can visit you if I travel. I always like to visit and holiday with friends! Roger has encouragement for me to travel before I start with all of my hard work of studying, homework, internships and part time job.
You didn't tell me what that person who mistrusted you did. Did she expose me and that is the reason? You always have my trust and I would never betray you like that. I trust you with 100% assurance. Does Sarah know this person? Frank sent me the pass code to his site but he said nobody is coming because everyone is talking about Idol now on the forums. Frank likes James and Stefano! Stefano is cute but he does not act intelligent when he speaks.
L,
What a terrible show last night. I was streaming on all of the sites and was quite aghast. I guess Pia and Casey (the hilarious growler over-the-top) were good...but the rest really sucked. Can't anyone sing? Why didn't they take the other Lauren who had the strong voice? Ashton and the other black hipster suck. Paul is a joke...his voice is off key, weak, contrived and annoying. Pia's dress...oh wow...I mean the fit...her body is awesome. I am very hot for her. So very pretty is she! OK--I am done with my Idol recap and critique.
I came here to answer your message...only must still have that awful show on my mind. Yes, lunch with Megan today. Not too excited...but she seems nice so lunch is pretty innocent, right? When she hears about the details of my life...I am sure that will send her running, LOL! She must really like me because she keeps sending me these e-mails which I am not able to answer consistently. I will kindly tell her today not to send me e-mail to my work address (which is the only one I have). I don't do personal e-mail anymore---haven't for 2 years now. She has sent me some rather interesting e-mails containing many complimentary comments with regard to my appearance, my intelligence, my sense of humor...think she is buttering me up for some reason? Proves that you don't only meet losers at night clubs as she holds advanced degrees as well and has a pretty responsible position at a huge financial house. But....I must be strong, LOL! My life is a bit too complicated now with J away but returning to me in some undetermined capacity...E hovering around not really there...but maybe, the pain of possibly losing her again as well as dealing with the complicated factors now involved in our relationship. I need to focus on other things and not my sex life. I hope she is not aggressive in a romantic way because I might find it hard to refuse since I am pretty lonely and quasi-depressed. Well, for today it will just be lunch.
J is due to be back in 2 weeks. He could come home in between, but he feels I need the breather...the time to ruminate and process my thoughts and feelings. Whatever. My brother and I discussed flying down to see him this weekend and he really misses J...only J reminded me that I have to pick up his friend (female) from the airport. It's a is a long story. She had made plans to come to NY to see him months ago before J knew he would be in DC. When he asked her to change the date or to fly to DC instead (she resides on the West Coast) she was unhappy as she made plans to visit with a friend for the first day/night in NY. Sooooooooo, I have to retrieve her from the airport, take her to lunch, drive her to her friend's place in the city, pick her up the next day and drive her back to the airport that next evening to go on to DC to see J. It was a huge favor but how could I refuse after all he has done for my brother? Besides, she is scrumptious looking. Jeffery told me if I touched her or made even a subtle pass at her, he would kill me with his bare hands, LOL! He said "I already warned her about you." Well, there are a lot of details to this situation that I left out ...too convoluted for even me to grasp! LOL! I am actually looking forward to meeting her. They met in college and have kept in close contact over the years, so she knows him pretty well. Are we finished at this site? Have I answered all of your questions you did not want the others to see?
That means there is more you do than I saw in the dirty clips? Oh Michael my imagination is running away from me!
You should let Megan know not to have expectation of you. She must like you very much now if she is emailing you so much and said the sexy things to you. If you are lonely you should spend time with people you know better. I told you I would always come out to see you if you want. I am free until my school starts. When is Jeff back home to you?
Ha ha....all of those things you mentioned in those clips constitute part of what we do together. Have I settled your curiosity?
Megan sent me 2 more e-mails yesterday. Think she likes me. Seems like a tear ago, even two years ago, I was depressed because I had no one and now I seem to have too many prospects. Well, when it rains it ours. I am not really looking forward to this lunch, but I won't back out.
E is with her husband and chances are, she will work it out because that is her. She does the right thing. He loves her and I can certainly understand that. If he makes a concerted effort, perhaps she should stay with him. I think she needs to know that she, at least, gave it her all. I get that. I won't stand in her way. The fact he wants to work this out with her given all of the recent and complicated developments, speaks volumes for him. I have not heard from her and will not call her. I do not know when we will speak again. Ball is in her court and shall remain there. Last we spoke, she stressed that it was most difficult and painful for her not to see me and that she thinks of me constantly. So I guess, for the time being, I need to help her forget about me. What I want does not matter here.
More on the other stuff later.
Michael I took your suggesting and watched three gay men pornos on my computer. It was very educational for me! The men were handsome and they were very sexy naked. The things they did were backside sex but you could not see close up, Oral jobs, 69, and masturbate on the others bodies and face. Does this constitute what you do with J and am I being very nosey? I am a curious girl Michael!
Michael it is very nice that you love E so much that you forsake your own needs for her. But would that be what she wants? For you to give into her desire even at the threat of what you may want. As example if she decides she wants to marry you and have 3 babies within 3 years that would be hard. would you give into THAT only because of the guilt for the earlier offenses and her loss? In a case as similar you should be able to tell her what you want. Be true to yourself it is the only way you can really love another. I know you love her Michael but why do I worry about you? I know you laugh at my age and think me childish, I am not wise, but I see what you are doing. You love a woman and you should tell her what you want. That you want her by your side. Let her decide if she wants to be with you once she knows that is what your heart desires too.
Peace and love be with you,
L
The simplest answer to to your first query is for me to tell you to watch any gay male porn clip on the internet...anything that is not a narrow, unusual fetish...but s/b hardcore. Anything you see the dudes doing in that film I have done and had done to me. That is the easiest way to explain it. I am not conservative in the bedroom...nor am I extremely kinky (note I said 'extremely')..I am not into punishment or painful bondage. But men are pretty straight forward...so the sexual acts you see in these films is what I do...what J does. If you need me to be more specific, I am happy to go into detail. you have been warned, LOL!
Thanks for your support regarding E. I love her very much and I really only want her to be happy. I am not some saint for doing this, ha ha, far from it...I was a terrible boyfriend years back...I owe her. This is my atonement to her. I will give her whatever she wants, whether it be: her current marriage back, for me to completely leave her alone, me, a child, a marriage with me...doesn't matter, anything. Her call.. She is not angry with me for the past, nor does she blame me. I want to do this for her. Whatever she wants from me, she gets. It is all pretty simple.
Back alter. Must run.
I am back and recovered from my emotional spell! Michael you are very strong to have the abilities to hold back for the goodfare of her and be respectful of her marriage. To do what you think she wants at your own expense of happiness. Everything that you just gained you are willing to give up so she ensures not to make a mistake. You have me impressed and it makes me delight in loving you. Don't worry I will not divulge the specifications here of what you wrote on the locked board.
I had a question about Jeff and when you talk about lovemaking to him what does this mean? Is that a very simple question? I think when I hear making love, I think of a man and women having genital sex. When you say making love about Jeff would you explain what it means and what you do if I am not being too bold with my question? I am always confused.
I am wondering about the person who does not trust you who exposed me. Is it someone from here from before that I knew? What did she do specifically that proved she did not trust you?
Roger is not happy that we are conversing. I told him and he seemed sad. I told him that you were bisexual and had a boyfriend then he looked happier. Men are so jealous, except for you.
Love,
L
Okay okay..don't get all religious and emotional on me now. I am fine and adjusting. I have no regrets about contacting her, in fact, it was the single best decision I have ever made. Even J agrees and said "you needed to do it." So I am beyond happy that she knows I love her and that I always did and that I regret my past actions. I asked her a few weeks ago when we were together if I should have restrained myself from contacting her since I knew she was married (and thought that she had children). She said absolutely not! That her marriage was on life support and now that she feels loved again, beautiful again (she IS soooooooo beautiful, really....) and desirable, it gives her the self-esteem and courage to ask more of her husband because she now feels deserved of respect and desirable again. She said, on the contrary, it possible could have salvaged a dying marriage, depending, of course, on her husband's response and whether he takes all of this seriously and if it shakes him up enough to wise up! She said before me she was in a rut...waiting for the marriage to die. Now she feels she has a choice...to demand respect, give him the chance to make it right and really try to make the marriage work, or be with me. He does not want to lose her, even given the complications now in place; so I hope he makes an effort. I told her to do whatever she feels is right...I will always be here for her. Always. She need not rush to me. I am glad that I went with my gut and ignored the naysayers. Some people want to bring you down, under the guise of brining you up. It has been a surreal ride these past weeks and how things have unfolded with us...truly profound and yes I see how one can believe that a divine intervention has come into play...but 'tis all coincidental. A remarkable coincidence.
M,
It is too hard for me to read through all of the many posts at the old place to gather your one thought! Say what is left here then we can join Frank and the others at the other places and at Frank's new site once I get to log in for access. I also read your one message that you request I read immediately on MJ's before you deleted it. Oh Michael, what a sad story. You two belong together and it does not matter a difference if she is married now that I believe. I can only say about this is something good can come of tragic occurrences in our past. I think God intervened. I believe God brought both of you back together. I did not know of all of the painful things that happened with you so long ago with this girl and that you carry such a lofty stone with you for these years. God has given you a second chance. He has given back to her what you so hastily took away. It has come full circle Michael. You must rejoice in the knowing that you have renounced your past action and you have expressed your love to this girl and you came back to her for a purpose, for one purpose--a gift. So you can have contentment and she can have what she always desired. If it means that she is true to her marriage this does not make it a failed venture, it is a success because all has come full circle. I am crying right now and must come back later. I hope she comes to you but if not, she will still 'have' you. This was no accident Michael. The Lord works in strange ways.
My love to you always.
Okay...I'll meet you at the other place to finish our conversation...but probably tomorrow. I have a lot to do tonight. I know once Wednesday rolls 'round I will be obsessively surfing the Idol forums. I am trying to ween myself off R's entire site so it may be best we abandon this poll as well. Where is everyone hanging out? I run into them here and there...but not the entire group. Maybe Franks' private spot?
I am sure what you are thinking as the "complication" that I mentioned about E is not correct. I am really simply not up to talking about anything that specific now. It's emotional for me too. But I think your concerns should be abated. You are thinking worse case. Don't worry she...I...is/am fine.
Hi M,
It's Ellery! M, I think Megan likes you very much because she brings up how she liked you staring at her and I think that was a flirt and that she was sexually attracting toward you. I do not know that you understand this, but with your eyes, you glare intently at people and your eyes are very penetrating and incisive. When you look at someone it is like you look through them, disarm them with a glance Michael. It is very Magnetizing and it is like you are seeing through them. It is seductive to receive this look from you, believe it! I know just what Megan is talking about! When you talk to someone you look at them that way and it is not only when you are attracting for them. I have a very hard time making continuous eye contact. Michael I think some people might find it very sexy so I am just telling you this.
We have not talked this much for about one and one half years! Thanks you for taking your time to explain the occurrings with that EW blow up. I am fine with it and I was once I got over the initial shockings. We can meet back at the place before this for more explaining. We can join everyone on Wednesday night at all the Idol places! Stephano is so cute! My favorite! I don't want to stay at Rickey's anymore. You seem discomforted about staying here too so we should join everyone soon.
Michael, I think if you want to work out things with Jeff you can have him any day you want him, he will never denial you his heart or his devotion if you ask for it. With E, I do not know enough about the troubles with her. There seem to be a very sensitive subject area with you. I think most of all because of her marriage even if it is unhappy. She promised herself to another man for life and that holds spiritual meaning. You are letting her make all of the decidings for both of you without your input as seeming you are guilty for something and do not want her to do something that you suggest. For fear of a mishap or mistake? I know Frank knows something more but he has been good about keeping quiet. Michael, I have a suspect what the complication you are mentioning is and I hope not to be right. I respect you not to share especially if Sarah gets hold of something saucy. I will pray for you even though you think it is "bunk" as you say!
My love to you,
L
I should have mentioned that the x's were not kisses, but I blocked out her last name and phone. I won't call her because then she would have my number. I'll e-mail her a confirmation. If I were not so depressed about my other issues...I'd be a bit excited that she might want to have relations with me...but I am not. I am probably reading too much into her message which may be perfectly innocent. Haven't had sex in 2 weeks so that could be why, LOL!
To answer your earlier queries: I miss E. Not much new has happened with us during the past few days as we have not been in contact...we are both struggling to be apart. I must support what her conscious dictates. I know that the firm application of a little pressure...I might be able to sway her, but I will not. I do not know what will happen but the most important thing is that she feel okay with her ultimate decision; that she is content and happy. I need to abide by her wishes so she can determine her own best path toward that objective. I broke a bit form that a few days ago when I talked her into seeing me...but my better judgement took control and I told her not to come. I was feeling very lonely and very amorous and in need of some comfort physically, emotionally. She did not want to come (well..she WANTED to...but knew it was not what she needed to do ). When I asked her, then, why she agreed to come, she told me it was because I asked her to come and she loved me. God...I love that about her. So pure. She is grappling with some other concurrent issues and complications that have come into play. I can't really touch on that now. Okay?
I'll go back to the previous site we were on before this one (do not mention the name), the one with the limited character count, to comment about the last query you had regarding the person who disclosed the info on us. Don't want to talk, in detail here, just in case .... probably won't have time until later this evening.
I left you a quick message to come back here. You left me one at MJ's but this time, it definitely has been deleted. Instead of replying to it...I told you to return here for my reply. That mod has it in for me, LOL! Maybe I shouldn't have sassed her so much way back when. Anyway.... until such time the group convenes at a suitable spot...or not..hang here for the next day. I never responded to your other questions as I had a few things going on. I am trying to be less wasteful with my time this week. Megan replied back. this woman wastes no time, LOL! I surely thought my extreme candor would have had her running...but check this out.Damn it! Now I have to take the time out of my day for another lunch and to make conversation with someone whom I cannot even have sex with. What a waste of time.
cached/3/7/11 3:01pm FIG.com, L,m,10701@CAPS all //halt//world head/
Hi Michael!
Thanks for the surprising introduction. I am kind of stunned to find out you are bi and I can't say that I had an indication. You were acting very straight that night! I always thought that bi guys were 1/2 to admitting their homosexuality, but you blew that notion right through the roof! I am intrigued to the point that I would still like to have that lunch with you. I can say without a doubt, you are the most interesting computer scientist I have come in contact with.
I didn't mind when you were looking at me for the better of one hour Saturday, or when you continued to stare even as I walked toward you and stood in front of you very close, that was a pretty daring thing to do, and I liked it very much. Will Thursday @ 1:00 xxxxxxxxxxxx work? Here is my number: xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Megan xxxxxxxxxx
Well, I am not sure why I cannot find my message over there. You are correct...it becomes quite traffic heavy there this time of year and missives become lost.While it is probably fairly...though not completely...safe here, it is best we abandon this spot as well after we finish up our conversation.
I have been poking around all of the sites today, wasting time. Yes, Sunil decided to slip the woman I was leering at, Megan, my e-mail the other night. I am going to kill the dude. Lucky for him he was not in work today...but I sent him a nastygram. I replied to her message mostly because I liked it. She was witty and very casual about seeing me again and forthcoming about her attraction. I liked that...very honest. She is 29 (older than I would have pegged her) and works in a professional employ...a large financial firm in the city, probably the largest. So here is my reply to her brief e-mail that I posted on MJ's. Of course my response was not brief.
Megan,
Hello! Yes, I am surprised to hear from you and yes, I do remember you. I must admit I give you props for getting in touch with me despite my copious inappropriate comments about your body, my deliberate leering in your direction and my impassive demeanor. Well, have a seat and I will, in turn, tell you a bit about myself. I am a computer Scientist and researcher at xxxxxxxxxxx. I am also an active bisexual and am currently living with my boyfriend. We are not exclusive and I do date women. He and I are at a bit of a crossroads now so I am unsure what direction our relationship will be moving, if at all. I recently reunited, briefly, with my former girlfriend and soulmate whom I have adored for 10 years. That relationship, too, is now at an indeterminate juncture. And I'm just scratching the surface! Still interested? LOL...I'd say not...but if you are then more power to you.....but keep in mind, a lunch is about all I can offer you. My treat.
Michael
Michael,
Thank you for the time you took out of concern for my feelings but I trust your word and knew that you did not go out to hurt me or try to abandon loyalties. I am very much at peace with the event that happened on EW. I am glad this happening is not what made you disconnect with this person because it seems there was no maliciousness but only stupidity for her role. I believe that she did not set out to harm me now. If the person proved herself mistrustful to you in other ways then this was to foresee by the act upon me. If somebody does not trust you they do not deserve to be with you Michael or to have you in any part of their lifes. You are better than this and you need to know. You are right to thrust out those who place you so low in their lifes. My father says that trust cannot be forced or created it thrives in the soul, if you chop water, it will not separate. She is how she decides to be and that is mistrustful of you. What was the reason for her scorn and doubt of you? You have my undying trust forever because you proved to me that you trusted me, and if you are lonely back home and you need me I would come to visit you. Do I take it that you and Jeff are no longer intimate in the physical? Is he wanting to be with you when he returns or to move out?
I want to know more about what is the happenings with E but am not wanting to force and interfere. There is a lot of chaos in this relationship I sense it acutely. I know you and you will talk on the computer science technical blogs to Frank and all will know soon. If it is painful then it best to leave it away from on line cyber world or it will be a repeated reminder to you. I am always here Michael if you want to talk more.
Michael you were wrong that you thought MJ deleted that message. I read it and it is still there. There are so many activities there that the messages get very lost and remixed. I thought it was funny and cute that Sunil who you work with gave that girl your email anyways. Tell me if you responded yet and what you said. She sounds like she is nice but you must decide if you need another person in your life. If you are being lonely now the answer could be yes.
xxxxxx,
L
Hi L,
The situation with E is much too confounding and emotional for me to go into in detail right here, right now. I am trying to focus on what is good...and that is the chance I had to meet up with her and to be with her again. I know she loves me and I know she wants to be with me...there is no denying that. She is trying to do the right thing, give her marriage a chance. As much as that pains me, I have to help her. There are some other compelling contributing elemental factors as well...but I don't feel like going into that now. She needs to know she gave it her all and that she was fair to her husband. I mean...she married him, he is owed that, yes? He told her he loves her and does not want to lose her.He knows about me. She said he was accepting of what happened, but did not want her to leave him. I hope he makes an effort. I hope he begins to appreciate her and prioritize her. She wants to give him that chance. We were still seeing each other until recently. We decided that we could get together for lunch or for talking, etc. But each time....even though we planned the converse...we became intimate. LOL...try as we may, it was not possible to meet up as friends...we always found a way (okay...I'll accept the blame here). So, we had to stop seeing each other. It was too hard for her. I was very lonely early last week and I called her and asked if she would come see me...I told her I miss being with her and needed to be with her (code for sex). She hesitated saying "Michael, I want to come to you...but I cannot." I asked her again and said "please...I need you right now." She agreed saying she would be to me in an hour. Then I thought about it and called her again and asked her if she really wanted to come. She told me she didn't think it was a good idea. Then I asked her why she agreed...and she told me "because you asked me and I love you." Then she said it was very difficult to see me and then not be with me the next day and the day after, etc. ...but it was harder for her to say no to me. So, I let her off the hook, and told her not to come...much to my sadness. Things are teetering with us now. I have no expectations. I think about her constantly, but I have not called her. We ....she...has some very heavy things to deal with and I do not want to influence her. I don't want to talk about those specifics right now.
It does not matter who the person is who posted that stuff about us ...you...back then. It is not someone you come in contact with nor is it anyone you need fear. While you may find it hard to believe..I don't believe she was trying to consciously hurt you, though that was the end result and she should have seen that. I accept the blame. You asked me not to tell anyone and I trusted the wrong person. She had asked me about it (must have read you all alluding to it somewhere, perhaps?) and I answered her, reluctantly at first, because I felt okay sharing it with her and she asked me about it and I trusted her. Never would I have dreamed it would have been splattered about intentionally for all to see. I am the one at fault here and I am the one who caused your humiliation and I am deeply sorry. While I have forgiven her for this infraction, I am no longer in contact with her for other reasons loosely related to this scenario. I do not remain friends with people who, no matter their myriad of excuses, decide they do not trust me. She had more than one chance to prove to me she did and she failed. Do not worry that this person will cyber stalk you...trust me, that is not a threat. I plan to actively avoid her whenever I stumble across her. She has proven herself to me and as Darcy said in 'Pride and Prejudice'.... "My good opinion once lost is lost forever." LOL! But 'tis true.
I'd like to leave here so should you need to discuss the incident more...do so today and I will respond. Then, we can join the other Idol fanatics. I have full responsibility for my brother, it's been hard.
Ellery, I left you a message...a reply to this post of yours, at the other site, but she caught it and deleted it for being too 'off-topic' LOL--what else is new? So, I will leave you another here. I cannot recall what I wrote, so let me start again. J and I are not history. It has been hard for him..very hard...and he has had to endure my reuniting with E as well as the knowledge that I yearned to be with her. While he never presented me with an ultimatum..he said that I needed to get my head together and decide what I really wanted. Fair enough. I told him I wanted him too...to be with him sexually and have him be part of my life...but was not able to give her up until she decided that it was not what she wanted. He did not really like that answer....but said "okay, i am leaving for 3 week to DC...I won't come back home, although I am able; take the time to ruminate on 'us'...when I do return after 3 weeks...decided what you want from me, if anything." That was a week and a half ago. LOL! He told me he would stay with me even part time if that was what all I could offer him...but if I wanted only Liz....he could not handle that. Weeeellll...I do want him too (I'm selfish) and Liz is sort of on the back burner. More on that later. Okay...I need to get dinner. I'll be back another time to finish.
Michael it is so good to hear from you and thank you for this updates! I already know that you did not feel the same and I am okay about that. I will try not to say what is in my heart but don't expect me to hide these feelings from myself and deny what my heart dictates is true! This is genuine and how I feel and I won't make you feel discomforted, but I will not make up a lie too.
Tell me who did that on EW to me. I need to know the person with whom we chat would do this so I am aware to keep away from them. Are you feeling betrayed or is it somebody you still contact? Why did she do it? Was it because of jealousy that we made love?
Are you and Jeff broken apart or only distanced because of his work? Are you still disunified from E? Can you tell me the other situation with her that you could not mention last week? Is it serious? I know that she is married. Is she getting a divorced or is she staying with her husband? Is she pregnant Michael? Is she sick? Moving away from you? Leaving you? What is it? It is troubling you I see that. You said complex and entangled so I am only guessing my thoughts aloud. If it hurts you not to see her why cannot you see her as friends to spend time together talking and going for a walk in Central Park and not be sexual until it unfolds the way it is destined? I know Jeff loves you so if you are apart and having troubles he will take you back at any point when you are ready. If you feel alone then you could have met this club girl for lunch to see if she is nice.
I do not mind leaving here after we finish this conversation because I do not like the person who dislikes Adam so much. We can go back to the other forums on Monday.
Hi L,
I had something to do last evening and arrived home pretty late... I was not on the blogs, boards at all. I've had a lot going on lately and some of the dudes at work were getting together for dinner and a club (I hate night clubs, bars, but...) so I had a hankering to get out..so I joined them. My brother refused to come, per usual..but since I was only to be gone for a while, I let him stay home and checked in every hour via my cell. I was fairly close by so felt okay about letting him watch some movies while I galavanted about. I skipped the dinner part to allow less time away from him. I had one drink and then I felt a bit sodden. Don't believe I even finished the drink. A dude I worked with ordered it for me even though I informed him I did not drink alcohol. I felt very old among these very nubile youngins' canvassing the bar scene. I got hit on by this one young woman who was very cute and dressed very provocatively. I informed her that I was much too entangled now to have a "date" this evening with her. She said "well let's just go to lunch". I told her that I could not get involved with anyone right now. Truth is...I am not interested in meeting anyone in a bar or club and having to navigate those exhausting dating rituals and steps...and the like. Although I dashed her hopes....I was still looking her up and down anyway...so she kissed me and I kissed her back. Then she gave me her e-mail. Hmmmm....I don't know if she wanted sex or really wanted to get to know me better. I have never really met people in this way. Anyway, I tossed her number. The dudes at work were telling me I was crazy...she was hot and I should pursue her. It is rather funny...I am so unfamiliar with the bar scene. The music was awful, so loud...I must have been checking this woman out (her name was Megan, that I remember), she came over to me and she said (mind you...my one alcoholic beverage made me very bold and brazen) "Hi, I saw you looking in my direction. I thought I'd come over since you didn't make an attempt to come my way. I'm Megan." I told her my name and admitted that I was, indeed, checking her out. She asked me what part of her I was "checking out". I responded by saying "your ass...and your tits and your face...all of the good parts." Ooohhh... I regretted that quickly...but she liked it. Man, alcohol makes one very loose lipped indeed! the dudes I was with were shocked I didn't get slapped. She blushed and seemed pleased with my unbridled candor. But it was all for naught, LOL! Okay...so that was my evening.
L, look...I am more than happy to converse with you on our blogs, but I do not feel wholly comfortable when you openly espouse these affections toward me. I feel that when we were together and what transpired, was my fault. I should have shown better judgement because of our relative age difference; and given my life experience V your vulnerability. I feel I was in the wrong and that I did hurt you unnecessarily. When you say these sweet and sincere heartfelt romantic adulations, I feel badly about not offering you more and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Do you understand this? Do you know that this is not your fault? Now, I apologized for the embarrassing exposure of what happened when I gave you my promise I would not reveal it. I never thought it would have been displayed in that fashion or with that strong wording. I will tell you whatever you need to know about this.
I do not feel completely comfortable staying on these polls at Rickey's...so once we get past this, let's abandon this place and join the others. How does that sound?
Well, you, and everyone els,e pretty much knows about what is going on with J and E and my soap opera love life. now so I won't go there. J still in DC for a few weeks working out this deal. It is a good break for both of us...especially him. I hope he decides to see other dudes..it will be good for him. Pretty lonely here w/out him or E right now...but it is
Hi Michael!
It's Ellery! We can try here to see how it goes and then drag the other boys and girls here if we like it. I still think we might want an eventual to stick to AIU or MJ's if she stops her snoops! I hope I did not make you feel too uncomforted by my commentary Michael. For a strange reason you bring out such honesty in me that even if I know myself to be rejected again, I have a need to want to tell you all of my true feelings anyways in despite. I have respect and admiring for you. I do love my boyfriend Roger so that is not what I am saying. Do not feel uncomforted please and I think I would not be the first girl to show such opinions to you! I had to make it apparent to you that I am not angry with you for the past and that I feel no regret for anything that I did with you and felt and displayed.
On Wednesday where will you be Idol chatting? Do you think the best place is MJ's or Joe's?
Michael how are you and how is Jeff? Are you still seeing the girlfriend too and are you happy and in love? I hope this for you. I am sorry for anything I wrote about you that offended you during my hurt. I was hurt at first but could never hate you, my love.
love and hugs,
L
Here L. Give it a shot. Later....don't stray from this poll.
Anonymous person whoever you are stop following us on other blogs. We dont want your comments. Booooooooring!!!!!!!!!!!
MYOB and get a life loser! Stop following people around on other blogs and leaving weird messages.
;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hi handsome!
Lee will go the way of the dinosaur. No stage presence, mediocre and uneven talent, not a looker. See ya at the unemployment line Lee.