The POV shift to Eric was bizarre. I know the intention was to get someone hooked on Azrael, then shift somewhere else really quickly so they barrel through the inevitably boring first section. Not a slam. I only know of a few authors who can get through the meet-and-greet without needing to give readers a shot of caffeine to keep them awake.
Anyway, switching to Eric just confused me. Azrael is just starting to hold my attention, and now we're talking about some guy in a general store. It didn't pull me in - it made me feel cheated. The first scene, in concept, was riveting. It should get more airtime.
On the writing front, some of the descriptions seemed more composition-class than engaging novel.
"The simple purity of the scene was completely unfamiliar to him, but he liked it just the same."
Nitpick: I'm not sure you can describe billboard/streetlights with a variant of "pure."
The sentence raises questions (why is purity unfamiliar to him? why does he like it? where did he come from that a snowy city is so novel?) but it uses a bunch of words to not say much. The questions should be framed in a way to propel the story forward. I'm interested in finding out the answers, yes, but I'm not sure if they're supposed to lead anywhere. All the opening questions came across that way. There will be answers eventually, but I don't know what the answers have to do with the plot.
The POV shift to Eric was bizarre. I know the intention was to get someone hooked on Azrael, then shift somewhere else really quickly so they barrel through the inevitably boring first section. Not a slam. I only know of a few authors who can get through the meet-and-greet without needing to give readers a shot of caffeine to keep them awake.
Anyway, switching to Eric just confused me. Azrael is just starting to hold my attention, and now we're talking about some guy in a general store. It didn't pull me in - it made me feel cheated. The first scene, in concept, was riveting. It should get more airtime.
On the writing front, some of the descriptions seemed more composition-class than engaging novel.
"The simple purity of the scene was completely unfamiliar to him, but he liked it just the same."
Nitpick: I'm not sure you can describe billboard/streetlights with a variant of "pure."
The sentence raises questions (why is purity unfamiliar to him? why does he like it? where did he come from that a snowy city is so novel?) but it uses a bunch of words to not say much. The questions should be framed in a way to propel the story forward. I'm interested in finding out the answers, yes, but I'm not sure if they're supposed to lead anywhere. All the opening questions came across that way. There will be answers eventually, but I don't know what the answers have to do with the plot.