Wow, that's what I was seeking for, what a information!
present here at this blog, thanks admin of this website.
Storm - 12 years ago
I'm having trouble getting in. Don't know what I'm doing wrong. Send the code if you will one more time for that private site on your twitter. Maybe I copied it wrong ... :(
/ - 12 years ago
I hope you were able to get into that other chat place--the site from Japan. If not, send me a private message and I can give you the access code. If it doesn't work we will use this poll as our default as well as EW as soon as I find a safe spot there. I just don't know what to think. I always confuse ck and Tlc and I believe that ck was prob the 1 following me then. I know Ellery was for a time and tried to confuse me into believing it was either ck or Tlc. That twitter is not TLC as it says Florida. So she's cool, she only just occasionally posts under different names...or did in the past. But that's no crime. Let me know if you'd rather stay here or go to Ew r the other private places.
I'm glad we straightened out that vast misunderstanding. My preference is to use the twitter accts, the Ew, the chat site from Japan and IM from yahoo. I am still tying to figure out who the real person was/is following me and saying sexy thing to me. If it's not ck or tlc (and I don;t believe it is now after we got that additional evidence) then it has to be someone form my other sites. I think it is FRank or Ellery now. But I don;t want to blame them this time until I'm sure.
/ - 12 years ago
I gave you a link to that other site that covers not only AI but all entertainment news. It's where we all talk, the whole gang. You'll find that better. I am still pissed at you big fucking time. It is only to be used so I can tell you off. WE can go back to the place we used that was more difficult ot post, the site from Japan. I guess we were premature in blaming TLC because I keep confusing her with ck and Ellery. The IP track is from outside the US so I wonder who has been trying to get my attention and send me those sexy messages. Ellery was the one who sent me the messages last time so I shoudl have assumed her, not TLC. TLC just parades around as different ppl now and then like that tiem on Rickey's page during our argument, but she's harmless. The IP was from Mexcio, not USA. Hmmmm....not sure who is following me. Look for the link and then we can talk there or on EW.
Storm - 12 years ago
' In A Life Time ' by Clannad w/ Bono
Hard to tell,
or recognize a sign
to see me through
a warning sign.
First the thunder ...
satisfied, if the past it will not lie.
Then the storm
torn asunder ...
The future, you and I get blown away
In the storm
In a lifetime ...
And as the rain it falls ...
Begin again, as the storm breaks through,
heavy in my heart,
I believe the light in you
So the light shines in you
without color, faded and worn
torn asunder in the storm.
Unless the sound has faded from your soul
Unless it disappears ...
First the thunder
Selfish storm ...
Then the storm,
hold on the inside ...
Torn asunder
One life
In the storm ...
In a lifetime ...
In a lifetime ...
Storm - 12 years ago
' In A Life Time ' by Clannad w/ Bono
Hard to tell,
or recognize a sign
to see me through
a warning sign.
First the thunder ...
satisfied, if the past it will not lie.
Then the storm
torn asunder ...
The future, you and I get blown away
In the storm
In a lifetime ...
And as the rain it falls ...
Begin again, as the storm breaks through,
heavy in my heart,
I believe the light in you
So the light shines in you
without color, faded and worn
torn asunder in the storm.
Unless the sound has faded from your soul
Unless it disappears ...
First the thunder
Selfish storm ...
Then the storm,
hold on the inside ...
Torn asunder
One life
In the storm ...
In a lifetime ...
In a lifetime ...
Storm - 12 years ago
That is the sad irony, babe. You ARE more important to me than anyone else on this planet, .. along with Jamie. And yet I keep finding ways to hurt you and let you down. It makes me want to cry. I mean it every single time that I tell you I have learned and will never betray or hurt you again. You were just beginning to give me another chance and it didn't even get off the ground before I was put through another test that I failed horribly. I don't know what to say except I am talented at going stupid on you. So sorry ...
Storm - 12 years ago
I am not proud at all at the way I handled this. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to hurt her. I tried to dance around your questions and avoid lying but it didn't work. I ended up lying anyway. I told the truth that in the beginning I didn't recognize her at first, but then it became pretty clear. I didn't want to out her and possibly hurt her in the process. You protect people too, .. even Idol Life who viciously attacked and tried to hurt me. I asked you who that is and you won't tell. I tried to protect her identity. Pure and simple. Rickey outed me when I was trying to hide from vicious attacks from Kassandra and Drucilla during the Adam Lambert attacks. Rickey has always hated Adam and I was always defending him so I guess Rickey doesn't like me much. I don't think he has ever outed anyone else. It hurt and I was stunned he did that. Kassandra and Drucilla were using multiple aliases but he didn't mind that. Fortunately, there were about half a dozen people sticking up for me and telling Rickey that what he did was wrong. So I know how it feels to be outed. It hurts. Doesn't justify what I did, but maybe that explains to you my thought process, Michael. I am trying to live up to your standards, and I fucked up. I am ashamed of myself that I ended up lying to you. No ends justify the means. I should have learned that by now. I'm terribly sorry Ive let you down yet again. I didn't mean to hurt you. I can only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I am still a sorry piece of work in progress. I failed miserably and I apologize.
/ - 12 years ago
So what you have proven to me...no matter how many lies fall from your venom ridden lips...is that I am unimportant to you. I am just as important if not less os than the likes of her....who betrayed you and posted nasty things about you. Nice. You can't wriggle your way our of this one...another lie to cover the last one may be in order. And we KNOW that is the ONE thing you are good at, your ONE gift, your single character trait that is consistent...that of a liar.
/ - 12 years ago
She plays games like you. She wasn't sticking up for you as much as trying to get to me. You can't see that? She LOVES when I am pissed at you...like on R's blog. So she'll fuel the fire by seemingly siding with you so we will stay angry (she posted under a fake name and I called her out). She made those age comments to you and said those hurtful things under a fake name on that "twitter" poll. I brought John up because you are doing it again! No lessons learned from you! You can betray me til the dogs come home....but you can't tell me one thing when I ask you a direct question (and you admit that you don;t keep in touch with her) about someone who basically betrayed YOU? She did! it kills me that you can reveal everything intimate and personal thing about me....promise again and again that I can trust you...and then lie to me AGAIN when I ask you a question outright. Face it...your word means NOTHING and you have NO integrity! You have proven it over and over again....never mind the convenient excuses. I do not trust you and I never will. I'd be a fool otherwise. You lie and you are NOT trustworthy. Please admit that. You told me days again that I could trust you...apologizing for your numerous and major deceptions. Then I ask you something and you LIE TO ME AGAIN! I even rephrase it and give you a second and 3rd chance...still you chose to lie. ONLY when you are 100% sure that I know and will catch you again in your deplorable evil lies do you reverse your word. You have stabbed me in the back more times than I care to mention.
I ask you a question as a friend...even pretty much knowing the answer...and you lie! You lie so much I can't believe it! Aren;'t you ashamed of the person you are? Always having an excuse for your myriad of deceptions...yup, there is always a reason to lie so in your twisted mind, that makes it okay. What a sad and lonely way to live. Doesn't it make you hate the person you are? I know I'd sure hate myself.
Storm - 12 years ago
When I first saw that a Loveswan was following you, it didn't register. The avatar really threw me as well. That is the truth Michael. Then when I clicked on her and saw that we were following each other, I was surprised. It wasn't until I saw the initials that I started thinking it is TLC. She and I have not talked since that shit storm on the old twitter poll. I can't remember exactly what we said to each other. It wasn't much, but that is the last time I believe we talked. She seemed to come to my aid when others were attacking me. I call that a friend. Maybe she was mad at me in the past, I don't know. She and I always seemed to get along, that's all I know so I have no wish to hurt her. It is true I was trying to do a delicate dance in what I was saying to you. To answer your question on whether I knew it was TLC that is Loveswan. Not at first. Like I said, we don't talk and had basically lost touch with each other. Then it started to dawn on me that you are probably right. I got confused and didn't know if you knew her real name or not, and I was growing ever uncomfortable having to talk about her. To my knowledge she had done no harm to me. If she flirted with you then she is one of many and I can't even blame her for finding you attractive. Everyone does. Michael, it appears I'm fucking up again. It is hard trying to walk a fine line and not betray you and not betray her. I am doing my best trying to be a good friend to everyone I care about. You just told me you are not mad anymore at what I told Jon, yet you just brought it up again. You know I regret the things I said. I said too much. So this time I try to rectify that fault in myself and use discernment. Now this has you angry. I like TLC for sticking up for me in the past. I'm sorry I acted less than forthright with you. I'm trying not to hurt anyone. I'm sorry.
/ - 12 years ago
Why would you think she doesn't want me to know her real name? WHAT would make you think that? She told me and showed me your messages. How often do you talk to her compared to me? and you ONCE AGAIN risk lying to me to 'protect' her? HER? Like I would do anything? Yet...you freely give perfect strangers my most intimate secrets for which I told you in TRUST? First and last names of me, J, Bea, our vital statistics? Then when I tell you I know TLC's first name..and tell you what it is..you deny (LIE) you know it and later when you are caught in you lie, tell me that TLC "might not want you to know?" Why now do you think I don't fucking trust you? YOU are an insult to my intelligence! Why do you tell everyone about me but then lie to me when I have the info already? She betrayed you for fucks suck. You are nothing to her! She sent me messages as recently as yesterday saying Iw as cute and hot and she wants to get to know me. Hello? I have been getting messages in many forms from her for 2 years.
ANSWER THIS ONE QUESTION: Why do you constantly tell me that I can trust you after you fuck up and then turn around and so easily lie to me for someone like TLC...who you barely talk to? WHY? WHY? WHY? Answer that. YOU.OWE.ME. You KNOW loveswan1 is TLC...don't you? ANSWER ME FUCK GOD DAMN IT! STOP YOUR FUCKING LYING!!!!
Ugh...I'm starting to strongly dislike you again. I despise liars.
Storm - 12 years ago
Understood. Sorry ... :(
/ - 12 years ago
She has talked about you behind your back. Trust me. She has been spying on me and sending messages to me over time..Good to you? HA.
Stop lying to me. I always know it. I hate it. Understand?
Storm - 12 years ago
I know you aren't stupid and I'm trying not to lie. I just feel uncomfortable talking about her because I don't know if she wants you to know her real name, which is Nadia. She's been good to me and hasn't bad mouthed me as far as I know. She even stuck up for me when others were attacking. I'm sorry, babe. I was just hoping I wouldn't have to talk about her behind her back. Please don't get mad at me .... *-*
ERGUGHERGUGHERGGGHHH!!!! - 12 years ago
Oh please! You know her name and she IS NOT benign...she has been following me for years leaving me sexy and complimentary messages. ck as well...though hers were not as obvious. Get a clue. Her name is Nadia OR Nadine and you KNOWit! Stop the lying, baby...I'm not a dumb ass.
Storm - 12 years ago
Darling, it's been a couple of years since TLC and I tried staying in touch to the best of my recollection. Some things I remember well and some things I don't. It was easiest to call her 'T' from TLC so that is how I greeted her. Nadia is her name if that is what you saw me calling her. She never gave me her last name but she may know mine because I gave you my email on the old twitter and it contains my last name. She is benign and nothing to worry about if it is her. I must say I am impressed at the bevy of girls that want to follow you around and vie for your attention. It looks like you may even have a guy or two doing it as well. We certainly know Frank is enamored with your life and follows you around, trying to learn the latest gossip. Sooo, ck never tried to flirt and come onto you behind my back? Wonder why she hates me ?
Are you still going to take Dan to see Hugo? If you told him you would, I imagine you will need to follow through, .. and don't forget the ice cream! LOL I hope you can get him to forget his woman problems. I wonder if there is any way to hook him up with some girl he would be compatible with? He sees how happy you are with Liz and it is probably making him feel lonely that he has no one. Does he let Liz hug and touch him? He's very particular that way isn't he? Have you ever thought about whether he should have a vasectomy? I hope that isn't an indelicate question. I just thought about that at this moment and if he ever did have relations and impregnate a girl, ... yikes! He may even start wanting a baby of his own if he gets attached to William. Hope that doesn't happen ....
/ - 12 years ago
Oops! I meant to write:
FUCK! I'M A CHICK MAGNET!
/ - 12 years ago
FUCK! I'm a check magnet!
Look what I just got on another site! MERCY - 12 years ago
Fri Jan 27 2:26 pm torrent fas[deleted]
Mikhailxo, You are hot as fire and have a very nice wit about you. I love your avatar and I checked out your twitter too. Your comments about Reid being gay were hilarious! If I can't follow your twitter then I will follow you on[deleted] and [deleted] I wouldn't mind taking a bite out of you instead of Miley's penis cake. I bet your cream filling is even sweeter. Here is my contact [deleted]
________________________________
Wow...maybe I should take my pic down. Thank God I didn't put up a really hot one or a 1/2 naked one!
/ - 12 years ago
Yes. Her old one was "seeing Stripes" and I tried to appease her by following her but it never quite worked. It is easy enough to open a new twitter...yes? I think you must know her first name as I was made privy to conversations you two had (which you perhaps thought were private) and she told you ehr name and you even noted it on your twitter long ago. I know you and you would recall. Stop the games again...you know her name. and I have PROOF that you do. One more chance to be honest, babe before you piss me off. I'll allow one fib a day for you.So...is her name Nadia? I believe it is. Are her initials NL...yes, I believe so. I can have J do a search and come up with the name and address of the person who owns the twitter...if I remember. It's not a big deal. ck was alright...but had issue with me. She loved to do her intellectual jarring with me and she was a semi-worthy component, I must say. I do not believe it was her who contacted me. But it has happended to em so many times where ppl tried to get in touch with me on these boards and that is why is stopped suing my name, giving out personal info and avatar with my pics. But...I figured I'll be movie overseas within the next months so what the hell. But i cannot believe how many messages I am getting on sites that allow private e-mails be to other members/posters. And even some who see me on R's are sending messages. I must really be a hottie! Ha ha! And when someone compliments you...it makes you like them more right? It's only human. PPl like to be around ppl who make them feel good. So funny because J and Liz think I am gorgeous and I tell them it is because they love me and they are blinded by love. But J tells me that he always thought Iw as ht bet looking guy he has ever met...sigh...how can I not love that? Really!!
J had to remove Dan from the bldg as he was causing a ruckus. I am waiting at the apt for him to be dropped off. Poor J...he was crazy at work and had to run to bro and calm him down. Apparently he was stomping his feet and wailing audibly. Ugh! It's gonna be a long night! Liz said she would come over with the baby since seeing him makes Dan happy...I told her not to bother driving to Manhattan in rush hr traffic. She's so sweet and thoughtful.
Storm - 12 years ago
I remember TLC's twitter name was Showing stripes or Seeing stripes, .. something like that because I remember stripes being part of the name. Hmmm, .. I'll have to try Googling and see what shows up. I always referred to her as 'T' so not sure of her real name. Did ck try hitting on you behind my back? I always got the impression she didn't like seeing you and me flirting with each other and feeling affection. I think she was jealous, and I know she no longer likes me. I don't know why because I was always nice to her. So tell me, who are the ones who hit on you? Tell me please please please! I want to know .... I still think ck may have been the one that tried to sabotage our romance by stalking you in your email and pestering you. Someone was trying to break us up and imitate me from the sounds of it. I'm guessing that because you said you thought it was me. Had to be someone that hung out where you posted your private info and email. To this day, I have no idea what that email address was because you never posted it on Rickey's and that is the only place I hung. You won't like me saying this, but I also suspected Ellery trying to break us up. We know now she liked and wanted you. Don't be mad at me, .. I'm still very troubled and curious who did that to you. Do you know who it was? Please tell me if you know ...
Awwww, that is terribly sad about Daniel. Is he nice looking like you? Is there any resemblance? I imagine it took a lot of courage for him to ask her out. Rejection always sucks and he may feel it worse than most. I hope not. Very kind of you to buy him ice cream and take him to Hugo. Wish I could go with you two. I haven't seen that movie yet and it looks good. Let me know if it is worth seeing and I hope you both have a good time.
/ - 12 years ago
botch s/b "bitch"
Ignore the typos. When I am stressed I get very ADHD.
/ - 12 years ago
But she IS cute...I was just being honest. And she sees what I look like so she easily could find me not her type and ignore me. It is wholly possible she is not into Asians and finds me unattractive...right? So not my fault if she happens to think I am a cutie. I had no indication what she would think of my looks. Not my fault. RIGHT? Admit it! I don't think I was really the flirtatious one. :P
I was thinking Julie may be the cute Asian sitting with the pony tail...but guess not. I mean it when Is ay I HATE that botch...I am trying to lure her back to liven up R's board for him. Can't you tell we work in tandem? Hellllooo? I would not let Julie anywhere near my penis...TRUST ME!
Storm - 12 years ago
Well, to be honest dear heart, .. when you tell someone they are cute like you did Jamanda, it looks like flirting and like you are trying to get their attention. It even looks like you are flirting with Julie and trying to come onto her. I'm sure she is the girl looking at the camera and smiling in the foreground of her avatar picture. Not that great looking if you ask me. Now Jamanda on the other hand is hot looking and maybe in her early twenties, though I am pretty bad at guessing ages once people become adults. Am I jealous? I'll never tell! ;)
/ - 12 years ago
Well, are TLC's real initials NL? I am pretty certain it is her by the writing style. /I thinks he sent mea message long ago and her first name was Nadia...but it is hard to recall. You have NO IDEA how many of "the old gang" were pretending to be pissed at me but hitting on me behind your back. Oh.If.You.Only.Knew. I kept her on...though I am deleting everyone else. Most who have asked elsewhere to follow me It ell them not to bother...but if I know them I don't mind. I am using it for posting on blogs so don't plan to maintain it.
dan called me from work crying because he asked out a girl at J's office (J and I tried to dissuade him from doing so) and she shot him down (no surprise). He is so upset. It breaks my heart. He is crying and says he can't work anymore. I am afraid he might start throwing things aroudn the office...he has no emotional control. So....I have to pick him up and take him out for ice cream and then he wants to see the movie Hugo tonight. Poor dude :(
Storm - 12 years ago
Hi, .. I didn't recognize that name Loveswan when I saw her following you and was surprised to see she follows me too. I guess I am following her as well, though it must have been some time ago when this took place. I have over 670 followers now and I tried thumbing down my list to find her, but it was taking too long. Whoever follows me, I follow back out of courtesy and will usually send them a direct message thanking them for the follow. Sometimes a brief chat back and forth happens or they will be so kind to mention me on their twitter with an @. You really think it is TLC? Her and I tried to stay in touch at one point but it drifted off into no longer talking. She surfaced during that quibble on twitter at one point awhile back and tried to act as a negotiator. Her and I always got along and is one of the few old gang I still like. Is she flirting with you? She was married the last I knew. I see that aquayers is following you too. I assumed it had to be another girl fan of yours and was surprised to see HIS name is Alan something or other. LOL
/ - 12 years ago
Also...I asked for no followers on twitter and a few ppl have followed me...if I don't know them, I block them. Anyway Jamanda sent me a sexy message too telling me I was "awesome looking, very hot" Ha ha....hope you're jealous. this is another reason I stopped using pics because ppl would always try to cyber hit on me and tell me how hot or sexy looking cute I am.
Hmmm...a few from these sites have sent me similar messages...you don't suppose that they think I am flirting when I kid around do you? I don't think I really flirt much anymore and I don't want to lead anyone on.
/ - 12 years ago
Do you know who loveswan1 is on twitter? She sends me messages and is following me. I noticed she is following you as well. Her initials (name) reads NL. I am pretty sure it is TLC. Can you confirm? I am getting messages like "you are just so cute that I have to follow you." Pretty benign but complimentary things. It is ...I believe...the same person who has followed me other places and left me sexy messages. Again...loveswan1 is following you as well so let me know. I know she reads these polls and R's board so she could even come here...though we were sneaky re: our whereabouts this time.
/ - 12 years ago
Mine isn't THAT big for goodness sakes-- 8" long, but average girth. I prefer them wider, fatter personally (long is good too). J was blessed with very long and very wide. The best cock I've ever seen. And he has nice, big heavy balls too. I enjoy giving him head very much. Gorgeous face and body, smart, rich....but on the down side, he is rather hairy, is estranged from his family and will probably never have kids due to this orientation...so, he doesn't have everything.
I don't talk to Megan. She was emailing me for a while and I stopped answering, so she stopped. Didn't feel right when we had had sex so soon before. she told em she was still in love with me and didn't appreciate me enough while we were together (I don't know where she gets that...she teated me fine). Best not to be in contact with her now. I don't see Liz every day...no. I would like to but my life is not that simple. Dan needs me too and I can't ship him off to J's every day.Once my future is settled, we can make a decision about London and about living arrangements. Her mother is very nice and really likes me. Her dad still has a wall up where I am concerned, but he's okay. He is very protective of Liz and seems almost suspicious of me. He says inappropriate things to me at times and sticks his curmudgeonly nose where it does not belong. I think he believes that I am a play boy, sex feign lothario defiling his daughter. HA! She's the horn ball! Wait until he finds out how pregnant she is. He has made comments to me about "suppressing" my needs for "her sake" and "men are supposed to wait until the women is ready to resume activity and until she is no longer exhausted before forcing her to bed." and my favorite "pleasure yourself alone and get rid of your desire and let her get some sleep. I waited until Liz's mother was recovered and ready after birth before she had to resume her wifely duty." Ugh! I only don't respond because he is fairly old, not in the best health and decrepit.They insist on having the bedroom adjacent to Liz's (in a huge house) so I am sure they heard us fucking and moaning. It seems each time he says something is when we just finished having sex. So, I don't think he likes me but there is not much I can do about it.
Storm - 12 years ago
LOL Your fingers probably are longer than Tony's dick, .. sad to say! He was hands down the shortest dick I have ever seen. That wouldn't have been so bad if he had just been thick around, but the poor guy didn't luck out there either! And then to top it off, he now suffers from erectile dysfunction! He is on so much medication that I think he fears going on Cialis or one of those to help him. He just got over a blood infection of some sort and is dealing with an inflamed pancreas at the moment. He is always sick with something, so sex and worries over not 'getting it up' have taken a back seat. Poor guy. You were obviously standing in the right line when they passed out dicks! Tony got a remnant. :(
Do you see Liz every day? Is she planning to keep her house and not selling it? Do you like her parents and sis? How about Megan? Do you still talk to her?
/ - 12 years ago
I honestly don't know whether telling her is the smart thing to do...but it is the right thing. Anything else is just lying and I don't lie. We can always make excuses and find reasons not to be honest, faithful and forthcoming in our relationships. All the time convicing ourselves, in vain, that it is all for the best and out of consideration for the other person. But then you are living a lie, you are not giving yourself to that other person and then it is doomed for failure. It comes back to haunt you in another way. But, anything short of full disclosure is a recipe for disaster. I shall tell hear and she will ask me many questions and I will answer. She will push to know why and when I give her the reasons (other than my self-driven perverted nature) she will be hurt. I don't want her to lose the baby over anguish or stress. She knows something is bothering me. It is hard because we cannot make love...I cannot enter her...there is a bit of an absence of intimacy. We really need that now. The Dr. wants to try to maintain the pregnancy and thinks that vigorous penetration could interrupt the developing zygote in the uterine wall. Where she is already so susceptible to miscarriage, we need to make sure at this very early stage we take no chances. Even though she had to stop nursing...she is still lactating and her tits are warm and full...her nipples are large, dark and sexy. I've been sucking on them again and it turns her on. Her pussy appears the same as before pregnancy. In late pregnancy, it was fuller and more of a purplish hue as there was more blood rushing to that area to prepare her for the work of childbirth. She almost had a C-Section, but they were able to deliver him vaginally....thank God he was small because poor Liz still had a long episiotomy incision. Even after the stitches were removed, intercourse was still painful for a little while. That sucked having to wait. If tony was her lover it would have been fine.But my 8 inches she could not handle...poor thing. So her pussy is now pinker and very smooth...I get very turned on looking at it and licking it, sucking it...so since we cannot fuck, I've been doing a lot of that lately...which I love. She asks me to suck hard on her clit as I I finger her deeply...but I make sure to only use one digit as I don't want to get up far near her uterus.Though as you remarked from my pic...my fingers are fairly long (probably longer than Tony's dick).
Kate had smaller titties with small nipples...she is small, slender and only about 5'3" --petite. They were firm and soft and her nipples were very hard. Good God....what did I do? I SUCK!!!!!!!
Storm - 12 years ago
Good morning babe, .. It doesn't surprise me at all that you will tell her. That is the brave thing to do. She will at least know that she can always count on you to come clean and tell the truth. Picking the right timing is crucial as to how she will receive it. It likely won't be good, but catching her when she is in a receptive and light mood might lessen a more harsh reaction. It might not be as bad as you anticipate since you did some things right, .. such as not falling for her request to take her home and breaking it off and stopping it before it went further. Put the emphasis on the positive aspects, and I would start the conversation off with telling her that you need to find a new hair stylist because of an unexpected and most unfortunate incident that took place some two weeks ago. That tells her right away that it won't happen again and will hopefully put her mind at ease. Tell her it was just a moment when you felt overwhelmed with everything that is happening in your life and she offered comfort and understanding that led to things getting out of control for a short time. The good news is, .. she won't leave you no matter what. She is just happy to be in your life and having your kids. I understand your feelings about this new baby coming so soon and at this particular timing. It's not good for either one of you and I worry just a little bit as to how the pregnancy will go for her and whether it will put her in danger again. Her body will abort it if it can't handle this so soon after just giving birth. Did she have William naturally through the birth canal or did she need a Ceasarian? What is his middle name? Would it be Michael ?
I knew you would have touched her titties! Did you go underneath her blouse and bra? Did she have big nipples? That really turns me on when a woman does. Yes, the neck is so sensual and sensitive to kissing, licking and feeling warm breath on it. Drives me absolutely wild! Are Liz's nipples and tits staying big or are they going back to how they used to be? I'm curious too about her pussy and whether that has changed back to what it used to be, because you mentioned it seemed more swollen and had changed color somewhat as she got closer to birth. My belly was so big that I could not see what was happening down there, so I am just curious. Don't mean to be a pervert. Well, in all honesty, there is a 'slight' chance your description might turn me on! :)
/ - 12 years ago
I touched her titties too and I licked her neck and then nuzzled and buried my face in her nape. She liked that. I think that is a very affectionate gesture and Liz will be hurt, as she should. It has nothing to do with her...God knows I love her. I'm just an ass. A horny toad ass. I love having sex with both men and women equally.....but I love women.
/ - 12 years ago
I can't go on living with this guilt. I have to tell her. There is NO WAY I could keep this tucked away inside forever. I get the kissing thing. I know Liz and this will be the dialogue:
Liz: did you kiss her?
M: yes
Liz: did you like it?
M: yes.
Liz: do you plan to go back there or see her again?
M: No.
Liz: Are you attracted to her?
M: Yes.
Liz: If you were not with me would you have fucked her?
M: Yes.
Liz: Why did you kiss her? Why did you let her touch your cock?
And from there it will degenerate and degrade rather quickly. Then she will tell me that because Kate is someone I never had a relationship with before that it is worse because it's not just residual feelings and thatI am seeking out comfort for a reason....blah blah... and then I run the risk of a slap or a pitch to the head. She will force me, through her tears (mostly due to the pregnancy hormones)to tell her why, which I will reveal: that I am afraid of another baby so soon. That I am overwhelmed, that I am having a hard time grappling with my health issues, my uncertain future, having 2 children, a marriage, monogamy, uncertain relocation, bro's negative reactions, and the constant fear of failing her again and letting her down. I hate to say this God knows I think about it constantly....but forgive me, having a miscarriage with this baby might not be such a bad thing. I would never utter this to her or wish this tragedy upon her.
Storm - 12 years ago
It took a lot of will power on your part to stop it when you did, so I'm proud of you. Whether you should tell her or not, I leave up to you. I know it is your nature to always come clean but if you do decide to tell her, you better pick really good timing when you do. Since you intend to never go back to Kate and that salon, which is quite wise for everyone concerned, I would almost be inclined to say that you needn't tell her. It is likely to hurt her and make her feel even more insecure with being able to keep you. I am thinking she will also put more pressure on you to get married. Being that she is pregnant again right now and her hormones may have her more emotional than usual is also reason to think twice and maybe at least hold off for now. Maybe even forever. For me and maybe for her too, .. maybe even for all women, .. I see kissing as even more intimate and hurtful than if my guy got a blow job or had sex. Does that make sense or surprise you? NOT that it wouldn't hurt if he did have sex of any sort. It's just that intimate kissing is so divine and expresses desire and emotions and brings you face to face in intimate closeness with the other person. Like hookers do, .. blow jobs and sex can be done and still not be intimate, but kissing is another story. I cannot and will not let a guy kiss me, let alone do anything else if I am not having feelings and desire for that guy. One time a guy forced a kiss on me at the end of a date and I was literally shoving back at him and trying to break away and he wouldn't let me. It was awful. Needless to say, I got the fluck out of there and it ruined what was otherwise a fairly pleasant date. I don't blame you for tucking this incident away for now. I think it might be the wisest thing for you to do unless it is really bothering you. You are smart and carry much wisdom. Don't act on this until you are sure of what is best for her, .. AND for you. Sometimes silence is golden!
/ - 12 years ago
I am surprised you didn't comment on the Mario Lopez bulging undies thread. I must have looked at that 30 or 40 times. MMMMMMM....man oh man! what a hot piece of ass and awesome ample bulge. I would love to grab me that. Good God! The commenters were all dudes too, LOL!
No....she didn't suck me. She was ...is....very sweet and a bit shy even. I blame myself 100%. She rubbed it over my pants at my request while I was kissing her and then she touched me under my clothing and I let her stroke me...but I didn't let it go to ejaculation....for what that's worth. When I was kissing her I could tell she wanted more and then she looked at me like a puppy with those big eyes and I could tell she really wanted me. I stopped her and removed her hand and apologized. She looked confused and wanted to continue. So yeah...I stopped it there and explained why. She confessed that she was very attracted to me even when Linda was doing my hair. She said she realizes that I'm not available but that I could call her anytime I wanted.
I can't go to her anymore...or to that salon. I have to find a new place I could go to J's hair stylist...but he charges J $200.00 for a cut so damned if I'm paying that! I went to him once with J and my hair didn't look any better than it does with the $80. cut.
Normally I would confess immediately, but Liz will ask a million questions as to why I was seeking comfort from someone else. She will believe me when I tell her that Kate was there at the right time and that I did not actively seek her out. She will also believe that while I admit that Kate is very pretty, I had no designs on her...which I did not. then she will want to know why I needed comfort....when I tell her that Iw as depressed about the pregnancy (I think I had just found out that very day of my hair appt), depressed and concerned about my health, the life changes, stress, returning to work, lack of sleep from running from one home to the next. Well, I think that will hurt her very much. I am afraid to tell her now where she is newly pregnant. I also am a little unsure how she will react with the hormones. What tif she throws something at me again? I'm scared!!
Liz could be okay if ti were someone I knew prior who was comforting me or even sexually comforting me...as Bea had that time. But she gets all pissed off when new people whom I just meet are after me or attracted to me. Like it's my fault! She doesn't like if she think women are chasing me...especially when when they meet me they know I have a gf and a baby.
I can't open up to J, he will just lecture me and look all disappointed and shake his stupid head. I can't spend as muc time with J as before or be as clsoe...it is too hard on him. He gets far too affectionate and reminiscent. Liz encourages my and J's sexual relationship...but that is becaeu she thinks she needs to do that to hold on to me...no matter what I tell her, she still thinks she needs to allow that. I wish she had more faith in me. I wish she demanded I be faithful with men and women right now. It would make it so hard for me to stray. I would know that she was depending on me and trusting me to do right by her. But she does not...she tells me to be with J as she feels that will make me stay with her forever. She is so afraid of losing me again for the same reasons as last time (or what she perceives as the same reason) that she would let me stray just to hold on to me. It's not necessary...I wish she would believe me and put me to the test. She told me that being with me is the only thing that truly has ever made her happy and that nothing else and no one else matter....so she would rather I be with J too as long as I never leave her. So much pressure...so much at stake for her if I can't pull it off. Liz sis like you in that she feels that everyone is in love with me and wants to fuck and marry me. I told her she was blinded by love.
Storm - 12 years ago
Oh, okay. So she did give you head. Did you give her anything? Has she asked to see you again? Does Liz know?
/ - 12 years ago
Well, I said I didn't have sex....I didn't say that nothing happened...
Storm - 12 years ago
Ohhhh babe, .. don't hate yourself. It's a good thing you didn't take her home, and as long as you take measures from here out not to put her or yourself in that situation again, no real harm was done yet. Did she want to give you oral? It sounds like she wants to start up with you no matter your circumstances, so it might be wise to start going elsewhere for your hair needs. You don't want to hurt her and you don't want to hurt Liz. Have you told Liz what happened? How can your heart be empty? I don't understand what you mean by that. Is it just all the stress that is getting to you? You may feel alone and that everything is on your shoulders, but you have no shortage of people around you that would drop everything and help you in a heartbeat. Jeffery especially! He wants you to need him and need him badly. He will do anything for you. ANYTHING! We both know this. I'm here for you and I am still just a phone call away. Men love talking to me, .. for hours! You might just forget you are talking to me on the phone and realize I am right there with you in spirit and the present moment. I know you won't call, but the offer stands because I would love to talk to you. Okay? I love you ... ~~~ Don't be so hard on yourself, .. you're only human and you don't have to be perfect, .. though I think you are pretty close to that already. I know Liz thinks so too!
part two - 12 years ago
Not wise for any woman to be alone with a man whom she doesn't know well inside a home or business .She asked me about baby William and then my work. I told her about my health issue and my London relo being on hold. I could see her eyes welling up When I talked about the health concerns. Then she asked me about Liz...I hesitated and told her about the pregnancy...she seemed surprised and then as she was cutting my hair I began telling her everything...just blurting it out. It was like she was there at the right (or wrong) time to hear everything I had been keeping bottled up. Sooo....receptionist was in the back room talking with her bf. Kate just looked at me and said "Oh, I am so sorry that this is all happening at once." and as she was combing through my hair I just touched her lower arm above the wrist, quite instinctively, very lightly. then I began touching her entire arm and stroking the length of it gently and she motioned close to me with her body. When I got out of the chair and stood up in front of her and she gave me this sweet big hug and I began holding back tears. She noticed and didn't stop hugging. Then I kissed her...ugh....I didn't mean to...but I did. She asked me if I could take her home. I told her that it would not be a good idea as I would hate myself for what I did to Liz. She then asked me if I wanted to sit down and talk. So I did...we talked more...kissed more and then she leaned over and hugged me while sitting really close. Weeeeelll....my friend down south got excited and I put her hand there. She responded quite positively...ugh. We didn't have sex, but I wanted to. I am very depressed and I HATE HATE HATE myself! I deserve to die from this stupid fucking empty heart.
part one - 12 years ago
Well, the baby is less than 3 months old still...it is hard to have a major move occur (for Liz) when she is tired from his irregular sleep schedule still, etc. Our plan was to move to London sometime this month until my health derailed that. We are in limbo. I do plan to relocate w/ Liz and the baby and bro to London but cannot now until my health situation stabilizes. Luckily, my work hired a London member (I am sure they have to pay through the nose for him) to jump start this project. I could potentially put it off until late March or even early May. I don't like to say too much as I do not want to be judged, but yes...I do not have to work, but I choose to do so. Wealth-wise I am not Liz's X as far as financial assets, however, with my savings and inheritance, I could potentially retire now. It would not be smart though since I have Dan, Liz and the baby (small chance of another) to support, her assets withstanding. I cannot depend on J to support Dan...it is not his responsibility and the non-job he has for Dan goes once Dan moves. It's complicated, but I don't feel right not working and draining my own and bros trust funds and inheritance and possibly having Liz use her soon-acquired wealth and assets from the divorce to support us. Sorry...I know I'm a 'throw back', and many woman (maybe even you) will find it pathetic to hear that I feel as a man I have the role of supporting the family: my offspring and their mother. That's how I feel. I was raised to always work hard and be responsible so not working...no matter my financial situation... is not an option...unless my health dictates otherwise. I also have disability insurance in case I am in too poor health to continue work. Look---I'm well covered and my company will not force me to move to London if I cannot...not given my health situation.
I have had the same stylist/hairdresser for around 3 years. She recently left (mind you...there are few barbers in my Manhattan neighborhood...but many salons..so going to a unisex salon is not a "gay " thing). Anyway, she left so Iw as assigned this new, young, very cute, sweet perky, fashionable, stylist, Kate. My hair is pretty conservatively styled...not dated, but much more conservative than in my twitter photo (Bea styled t for me that night and she is into very chic european...so it was a bit spikey then). Anyway...she cut me 3 or 4 times. She is very pretty (did I say that?) probably 26-28 is a good guess. So, my old stylist, Linda was in her 40's...married, over weight and not really someone I was attracted to physically. Kate is shy, smiles a lot...just so nice. Anyway, we talked a lot during the appointments and she knew about the baby, about J and about Liz, etc. Every time I told her something she would say "oh my!" as her eyes would seemingly pop wide open and she would smile at me in the mirror. Well, always thought she was cute...but never thought I'd act upon anything. Right? Well, my last appointment was around 2 weeks back. I should also mention that it was obvious she thought I was attractive as I caught her looking at me when she is washing my hair or cutting...I'd catch a glimpse in the mirror. So last appt I called and Kate was booked up and could not fit me in. I asked them to have her call me if she had a cancellation. She called right away and offered to take me late on a Tuesday eve after hours after her last appt. How nice, right? So, it was me, Kate and the receptionist. It was obvious that Kate asked the receptionist to stay until I w as finished...and I don't blame her. Not wise for any woman to be alone with a man whom she doesn't know well inside a home or business. Anyway, this was when I found out about the pregnancy (Liz was merely weeks...maybe 3...we found out by accident). She was so early that a regular pee stick would not have registered the hormone. So she was washing my hair and talking to me...few words exchanged, very mundane. She asked me about William and then my work. I tol
Storm - 12 years ago
I guess I assumed Liz would want to sell her home that she shared w/ her hubby and that she had moved in with you full time. Not so? If you still have to move to London, then I guess it makes no sense to look for something better for all of you in Manhattan at this time. I can't believe your work is still forcing you to London when your health is still sketchy. Since finances aren't a worry for you, maybe it would be better to just tell your work to find someone else to go and take a pay cut if that is what they hang over your head. Is Liz divorced yet? Do you have plans to marry? So what happened with your hairdresser? Is it something that had been building between you two or was it out of the blue? Did she come onto you? How about Megan? Does she still try to see you?
/ - 12 years ago
I don't understand the door knob comment...what do they have to do with pregnancy? I am confused by that pun.
I do love Liz very much. She is very good to me and I love our baby. Having to handle these changes now...the switching back and forth of homes...having Liz juggle the baby, her parents and then me when I stay there...or coming to my place with the baby for bro's sake. The limbo of residences. J has been a phenomenal help to me. God...when I think he is helping me with bro just so I can spend time with Liz and the baby when I know he still loves me. I feel a lot of guilt about that. My health is still undetermined long term...so adding another kid makes me worry about leaving 2 children potentially fatherless. Dan will have a hard time dealing with my attention going to a 2nd baby and so quickly. He has really taken to little William and even kisses him now and then and whispers in his little ear "I love you."
I had a situation with a woman who does my hair. Not sex. But it was not good. I have to pay my penance.
Storm - 12 years ago
I'm sure it will all work out as it is suppose to. You can only take things as they come and you are wise and taking what precautionary steps you can in dealing with this situation. I think you must have the most potent sperm on the planet! Don't stand too close to a doorknob for fear of making it pregnant! haha I hope I just made you smile instead of frown. That was my intention. I know this is no joking matter to you and it is stressing you. Have faith, babe. The situation will work itself out and all will be fine one way or another.
Liz is the right woman for you, no doubt. And she obviously feels you are the right guy for her. Your getting back together is no fluke and I think you probably saved each other. She wasn't happy with her life. Money isn't everything and sometimes it even brings on the misery, depending on the situation. Your bond with each other began some ten yrs ago and it never really left, .. it just got delayed until the timing was right again for you two. Your so called " pathetic " letter was the needed catalyst and it worked a miracle for both of you. Your letter was sweet and I'm sure she will never part with it.
How is Daniel ? What does he think of the new baby and Liz? I know he thinks she smells nice. Does he still stare at her tits? LOL Does he consider her a worthy adversary now in the game of Monopoly?
/ - 12 years ago
No I am not happy. Duh! She isn't really happy, though not unhappy...but I think she will be if this pregnancy thrives. It's not a good situation. She never even had a period. I am going to get a vasectomy if I don't die first. The likelihood of miscarriage is very high hence the cessation of breast feeding and vaginal intercourse. It is not good for her, health-wise, to be pregnant so soon having not fully recovered from the high-risk birth yet. Plus my health and my brother and the stress becomes more than I can bear. But...it's not Liz's fault so I won't make her feel guilty. She won't abort of course...I didn't even broach the topic. She thinks I am fine with it...that's what I told her. J is rather angry with me. Not out of jealousy...he thinks I should have been more responsible. She is so early that we haven't told anyone really...such as relatives. Our living arrangement is strange as well. But Liz is so happy...she is so sweet...she only wants to be with me and have my babies...how can I be angry at that? At someone who loves me so much and who took such a risk for me and gave up everything just because she received a pathetic letter out of the blue from some x-bf chump. I feel lucky no matter what happens to me now.
/ - 12 years ago
No I am not happy. Duh! She isn't really happy, though not unhappy...but I think she will be if this pregnancy thrives. It's not a good situation. She never even had a period. I am going to get a vasectomy if I don't die first. The likelihood of miscarriage is very high hence the cessation of breast feeding and vaginal intercourse. It is not good for her, health-wise, to be pregnant so soon having not fully recovered from the high-risk birth yet. Plus my health and my brother and the stress becomes more than I can bear. But...it's not Liz's fault so I won't make her feel guilty. She won't abort of course...I didn't even broach the topic. She thinks I am fine with it...that's what I told her. J is rather angry with me. Not out of jealousy...he thinks I should have been more responsible. She is so early that we haven't told anyone really...such as relatives. Our living arrangement is strange as well. But Liz is so happy...she is so sweet...she only wants to be with me and have my babies...how can I be angry at that? At someone who loves me so much and who took such a risk for me and gave up everything just because she received a pathetic letter out of the blue from some x-bf chump. I feel lucky no matter what happens to me now.
Storm - 12 years ago
Ohhh my gosh! Another baby is on the way? Whoa! Are you happy about this? Can her body handle this so soon? I am aware of what happened when your son was born ( may I use his name on here or would you prefer I don't? ) and the danger she was in after his birth. Is there any worry about her health with this one? I know she wants all the kids you can give her so I am guessing she is happy about this, but how about you? Are the chances of this baby making it all the way, better than what they were for your son, or the same high risk of problems?
Honey, .. I have never stopped wanting or loving you. I've gotten to know you without seeing you for all this time and it is who you are on the inside that made me fall for you. Your looks simply compliment that, and in a very nice way! ;)
/ - 12 years ago
You just want to talk to me again because now you know what a hot piece of ass I am. Ha ha--admit it....you didn't think I was going to be as cute as I am...THAT'S what I think. LOL!
/ - 12 years ago
No, she's pregnant again so she had to stop nursing completely.
Storm - 12 years ago
Sorry to hear she can no longer nurse. I am guessing she has painful clogged milk ducts because you mentioned that problem to me before. God, every time Jamie would latch onto me I had to let out a yelp! That kid was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner with his strong suction. LOL I miss our talks, Michael. We could talk about anything to each other. My own damn fault, I know. I hope I can restore your faith in me again. All these painful lessons I brought on have not been in vain. I have learned from them. Discernment and much forethought along with just learning not to always bare all to others are the biggest lessons, though I still feel you are the one person I can tell anything to. You've been very good to me and have taught me much, believe it or not. I would be giving you a great big hug right now if only I could. I hope any stresses in your life aren't taking too big a toll on you. Jeffery loves you like no one I have ever seen and I imagine it is hard for him not living with you anymore and seeing how in love you are with another. He'll be happy just to get anytime alone with you. Have you decided not to be intimate with him anymore? It may be the best thing for him so he will let go of any hope of getting you back, which he likely yearns for. He'll never abandon you and that's good, but he also may never truly move forward with building a life with someone else to find his own mate. I'm sure you have thought about all of this. I can see how close he tries to stay attached to you. A delicate situation that you are in the middle of with him. That is what I am seeing. Am I wrong or right?
/ - 12 years ago
No...my cock is fine and in good working order. What I meant or R's front page was that I haven't had sex with a dude for 12 (now 13) days. I was teasing R who clearly hasn't been laid in a while....like you....poor dude! Liz is a horny little vixen...she can't go 12 days without doing me. Thank God! But, the truth is even though we have sex every day--or multiple times per day--when we see each other...we have not had intercourse (vaginally) for a couple of weeks. Long story...it will only be temporary. I don;t really want to get into it as it is contributing to my stress now. Anyway...she gives me head every day and we do some backdoor and other fun things....so the other art can wait until she is int he position to have that type of sex again. Yes, I miss it....but it's only temporary. Unfortunately, Liz had to completely stop breast feeding for a med reason--it's hard becauseI hate seeing this little baby have to thrive on formula when it is so unnatural for human infants. Liz had no choice....BUT, the good thing is that stopping the breast feeding has increased her sex drive as she is less tired.
What is happening sexually between J and moi is a long story.
Storm - 12 years ago
Have you ever had a girl write a poem about you? I was rummaging through a box of stuff I have in my closet and I came across a poem that a guy I dated a couple of times back in Ft. Collins, CO wrote me. He even decorated a brown paper sack with his hand drawn artwork and used it as an envelope, and placed an old stamp from 1892 on it and then left it on my doorstep for me. So sweet! Here is the poem:
MIDNIGHT OBSIDIAN
I knew you ...
Born in fire,
I touched your night glass edge,
and caught in you.
A black mirrored pupil,
Dark iris reflected,
Encased in your sable prison.
Once I saw you shimmering ~~~
Storm - 12 years ago
Okay. So I find you delicious to look at and I have already had many fantasies as I stare into your eyes in that picture, wondering and imagining what it would feel like to feel your hands on me and what it would feel like to kiss you on that smiling mouth of yours. My fantasies about making love to you have never stopped, Michael. They've only intensified, and the more we fight the more I want you to just fuck me harder! How do you like them apples? I can get pissed at you at times but I can never hate you. At times I want to cuff you upside the head and tell you to lighten up and at times I wish I could just shut you up by planting my mouth on yours and kissing the life out of you until you have no fight left in ya. ;) In some ways, fighting just makes me want you more and it does make me envision angry and slightly rough sex with you. I'm not into pain by any means, but I know I would see the passion and fire in your eyes and that would turn me on to no end. It would melt away the anger and drain you of any bad feelings you have about me. I know it would. I am not trying to encourage you to fight with me though, .. I want to get along. I can't blame you at all for not trusting me yet. I understand the damage I have done and I deserve whatever repercussions come my way because of it. It just makes me feel very sad I hurt you and fucked up so bad. Tell me what I need to do yet to start the mending process because I am mystified as to what betrayal you feel I have not come clean about. I want to deal with it and I hope the outcome will bring you peace.
I truly hope then that you are indeed feeling better and stronger everyday. You mentioned on Rickey's you haven't had sex in twelve days! How can that be Michael when you have Liz and Jeffery? The only thing I can figure is that you wore your cock down to a stub and you need to give it time to grow back! hahaha :)
/ - 12 years ago
Errrr....rezzy's a little annoyed at me. She is not ck or that disgusting despicable pig Grimoire. We met on another board. She lives outside of the US. We have a few things in common...leave it at that.
It's a bit funny when you try to damn me by faint praise. LOL! And acting like I look my age--even older--in that photo. Truth? I was around 36 there...I probably look around 30-33. I don't think I am someone who looks much younger than my age nor do I attempt to. But because I am Asian and I am slim, I do look a bit younger than 39. But why mention something that someone could take as quasi-offensive just to dis Ellery? And fuck it! I'll say it...I know you think I'm awesomely hunky and handsome so stop the 'lite' compliments. Unless you do not find Asian guys attractive (and I have met those who are not into the Asian 'look'). You never even mentioned my picture until I did first. Perhaps you were a bit surprised at my physical appearance in that I was better looking than you even imagined. I bet you saw my picture and wished you could have those long fingers travel in you --'you know where', and have that nice long cock inside of you while you kiss my full mouth. Cut the shit, lady. You think I'm hot so say it! I'd rather be with someone who is honest and not so insecure that they pretend I'm sorta cute or 'kinda handsome'...fuck! I have a mirror! LOL! I know what ppl say about my looks....stop being a big fake! Cut the games! Ha ha--you're so funny. You think I'm fucking hot... liar! :D
I Don't like games.
My health is fine. I am not interesting in sharing any personal info with you until you can redeem yourself...which you have not. Until you can be honest...which you have not. Until you can come clean...which you have not.
Storm - 12 years ago
Jamanda is hot looking for sure! I'm surprised so many people are getting up avatars of themselves. Or at least supposedly of themselves. It makes it more interesting to see who is responding. What happened to rezzy? She was such a regular. She reminded me of ck with her quick wit and sarcasm. That surely wasn't her or Grimoire was it? Sooooo, why won't you tell me how you are? You're starting to make me worry and think that it is bad news .... :(
Google : Theoretical Bullshit
I stumbled across this last night and I think you might like it. Scott Clifton is an actor and an atheist, and he takes on Christian theology and really rips it apart showing the gaps and holes in religious belief systems. Discusses what makes something moral or immoral and right from wrong. Discusses homosexuality and whether it is ' moral or immoral '. He is brilliant and obviously very intelligent. On top of that, ... HE'S HOT! I love his eyes and the way he thinks is so logical and smart. Let me know what you think. ;)
/ - 12 years ago
Hmmmm...I hear all of the time that I look a bit younger than my age...most East Asians do. I believe I do as well. My mother at 72 looks more like 60...even after her stroke. PPl guess I am 33, 34 tops. So slightly younger. Maybe that is a bad pic with regard to the age I am. I was 36 when that was taken(?). I don't care about age or how old, or how young I may or may not look. Women of course care how young or old they look...and gay men do....not me or most men I know.
I don't know who that Kelly person is 'liking' me. But I like Jamanda....oooh, she is cute. I hope I wasn't obvious with my attraction to her. I was kidding around and I'm sure she gets that. I am not the flirt I once was. LOL!
Storm - 12 years ago
Hi, .. Surely you know I was teasing and just playing with you when I said I found you " kinda cute " ! I confessed that I find you handsome, .. you little devil, you! I don't get L saying you look like you are much younger, .. like you are only thirty or something. I think she is just trying to close the age gap between you two so you will think she is more suitable for you than "older women" or even Liz. Why did she end up in Singapore? I thought her parents paid for her to attend Stanford. You look really good but you look mature and the age range that you are. Nothing wrong with that. Have you heard from Bea ? Is she still planning to marry Karl and has she set a date yet? I'm betting she hasn't. I don't think she really wants to marry him. She wants to marry you! Even I can see that. Has she met Liz and seen your baby yet?
You avoided telling me how you are feeling. Are you okay? Do you know yet when you have to move to London? How do you feel about that at this point? Maybe you can persuade them to let you stay where you are in case of medical need.
still pissed off at you - 12 years ago
"Kinda cute?" Ha ha! I don't believe you. Not to say that I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I know I'm decent looking. I know your taste in men and if I'm what you now say is only "kinda cute" then you are lying! My self esteem is quite intact so no worries about your honesty about my looks...it won;t make my head any bigger (and if you look at my pic, my head is quite large). Artificially lowering your appraisal of me only makes you look insecure, ma dear. But 'tis okay. As I say...I'm a solid 8...but I'm no Jeffery. Though he finds me very hot for some reason. I've been getting lots of nasty and sexy messages though on twitter, blogs from ppl telling me I'm hot. Are ya jealous? LOL! The pic was taken circa 2008 or 2009 (?). Bea took it right before we broke up...quite literally... as we split the next day. Maybe that's why I was smiling ;) Pic taken in NYC and that is a grand piano...you knew I played, yes? Bea emailed the pic to me shortly after she took it. I had it on my computers already downloaded, so at the time it was convenient to use it as my avatar--since I had no other images of myself downloaded. Fast forward to present: Since ppl like R keep bugging me to get an avatar....and since I opened a new twitter (only for use in commenting on blogs....makes it easier than always opening new accts), I had that pic left over from my old closed twitter (Which was still on line for some reason), so being lazy as I am...I just transferred it. The pic is okay in that it makes me look more broad than I am as I am leaning forward for the shot. My hair is a bit darker in that pic than IRL as the pic was a bit over-exposed. The shirt I was wearing was blue, not black. If you go to my twitter (which I am sure you have checked out already) there is a larger shot obtained by clicking on my image. I think I look slimmer IRL. This is the pic where L commented back then that my nose was big. LOL! Well, my facial features (other than my eye shape) are very anglican, like my dad's. I have my mother's coloring and her eye shape...though hers are more asian appearing. Jeffrey being the astute and fierce litigator (by education, not career) decided to copyright all images of me on the internet for my safety. Jeesh he's a bit paranoid! He has all of his copyrighted as well and doesn't want someone transferring or downloaded them. So basically I also used this one so he won't squawk at me. Since he put a copyright on it...Lord knows where it may end up on the internet eventually.
I hate Julie...she's a bitch. She follows me like an obsession and comments negatively to anything I post. She has been doing it for a while at R's and other places. When I said "I love you" it was to piss her off. She hates me as much as I hate her. She sucks. I will tell you what you did and why I felt betrayed another time...and still do. but I am back at work pt now and need to get something accomplished today.
Storm - 12 years ago
What betrayal are you referring to? I haven't talked about you to anyone else since Jon. I thought you might be referring to that simple 'like' I gave Julie. Is that it? Why did you tell her " I love you " ? Do you have a history with her? Those are words you usually take very seriously. And who is this Kelly girl that has given you endless 'likes' ? Just curious ... I want to make things right with you, so help me out and give me a clue to what this betrayal is that is bothering you. I haven't talked to anyone else on these boards and won't ever do that again.
Yes, I think you are kinda cute. ;) That little avatar of you is too hard to see so I have it now in about a 3" by 4" and can see you real well. Where was that taken? You're sitting on a piano bench w/ a baby grand behind you. Your eyes are very nice and look more Asian than I imagined. Very nice smile! Nice hands w/ those long fingers and a very masculine looking chin and bone structure to your face. Okay, .. you're right down handsome but don't let it go to your head or ego. :) I wouldn't want to spoil you, .. unless it was in a bathtub or in the bedroom. I guess I should also include spoiling you with a fantastic home cooked meal too! Now my imagination is going wild and I can think of other ways to spoil you as well. Where is that 'off' switch? :o
Are you feeling okay? Be honest .... as I know you always are. No sugar coating it, okay? I care ..... Are you getting better or are you getting worse?
/ - 12 years ago
Not mad about what you said to Jon. That is not the betrayal to which I am referring.
Glad you are dating...now PLEASE go get laid.
So ...you never told me if you thought I was cute....so, do ya?
Storm - 12 years ago
Let me cut to the most honest emotion I am feeling and have always felt, .. I love you. It astounds me to no end how talented I am at hurting you when I don't mean to. What was said to Jon was venting and letting out the hurt I was feeling at not having you in my life anymore. I expressed some bitterness because I was in some emotional pain. Had I known it would all get back to you and hurt you, believe me, .. I wouldn't have said those things. I feel terrible about all of that, Michael. I'm sorry angry thoughts came out of me. They're gone now and I no longer feel that way. I love you, and that's all I know. Why I go stupid on you is beyond me. It's like going temporarily blind and I can't see what I'm doing before it's too late! I'm sorry for all hurt I've caused you.
I am going to leave for the afternoon and either go see a movie or hang out at Barnes & Noble to book browse, and then treat myself to a nice dinner. I told Ricardo I would spend the day w/ him but he hasn't called yet and I'm not waiting around as he isn't real reliable so I don't want to wait any longer. I'm glad you wrote me again and that we are still talking. My birthday wish is for your forgiveness. That would make me happy and be the best birthday present ever. No pressure .... :) Babe, .. I 'll write you again this evening if you wish. All my love, .. Barbara
/ - 12 years ago
I l already told you that you are not a cunt and that was 100% wrong for me to (almost) say...I never spelled out the word as I knew I would take it back. But alas...I conveyed it. I am ashamed.
Sorry that my honesty, as it was displayed in my recent message here, appalls you...but you did--and have continue to do--many terrible things and placid betrayals...I only find out about things second hand...never by your own admission. So one wonders what else you have done and said behind my back. I shutter to think! You are not the only one with feelings and the only one experiencing emotional turmoil ya know.
Storm - 12 years ago
You struck me down when I was in extreme emotional pain, Michael. I was hoping you could lend me a comforting word. I wished for too much. Baby died shortly after I posted to you last, .. which was on Friday. Jamie and I dug her grave together and laid her to rest on Saturday in my back yard next to two other deceased pup kids from years past. A little Sheltie Jamie named ' Lassie ' and ' Maya ' an Australian Shepherd who died in 2007. My pets are like my children and I miss them like hell. Baby had the sweetest little face on her and not a mean or aggressive bone in her body. I am still crying everyday over her . It's going to take time ... At least I am still very blessed to have Bo, Keira, and Red in my life. Jamie is highly intuitive and he told me right before we dug her grave that he had a very bad feeling come over him when he was petting her about a month ago that we would be losing her very soon. He told me that he told her out loud, " Baby, .. if you're going to leave us, wait till I'm here with you. " Jamie recently scored a great job position w/ T-Mobile and had to go to work that Friday morning, but he said goodbye to her and even as sick as she was, she managed to wag her tail as he pet her. Yes, you were right when you said Baby was the one that was having a terrible day. Her last day of life ...
I am still reeling from all this and my emotions are quite raw. I'm searching for strength and 'the light' to pull me through this. Please don't talk about your demise, that thought is too much for me to handle right now. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish of me. I very much felt the hate and anger you feel for me in your last posts and it left me speechless. I want to fix things and get those feelings to leave you. I've been trying to no avail, and everything I say that I feel is benign, you take the wrong way. I wasn't trying to be bitchy or pissy when I said I have insufficient data as to why Dan was into the fetish he is. It wasn't meant to contradict you, okay? I wish I could just hug you really hard until I can squish that hate and anger out of you that you feel for me. When you said before that you don't like me, well that hurt worse than when you called me a cunt because I knew you didn't really think I was one of those, but I do believe you when you say you don't like me anymore. Ouch. I am not only emotionally drained at the moment, but mentally I feel drained as well. Whatever fighting you want to do with me, just please give me another day or two to recover to take on the issues you have with me, okay? Besides, today is my birthday and I'm trying to be happy I'm turning another year older. Ugh !
I had a lunch date with a local guy named Jim yesterday. He told me without my prodding that he is absolutely shocked with how young I look. I can give you his phone number to confirm if you don't believe me. He told me he would have guessed my age between 39 and 42. Jamie told me the same thing a year ago. He kept hugging me saying he had to go but then would stay. He left me this:
Jan. 23 9:21 PM
matrixst..
read
goodmusi..
online!
Subject: hi again
hi, just thought i would c if u were on ok cool i guess i had the right number. took a shower checking on dogs ready 4 work going a bit early maybe get off a bit early i want u to know i sure enjoyed our chat, made my day to chat with such an attriv woman and u r very very attriv, sorry a bit shy but that is what an attriv woman does i think to all men. call whenever and will go have dinner and sit by that fire, sure would b nice anyway. sweetheart take care sweet dreams. i love your eyes jim
/ - 12 years ago
Why am I always right about you, ma dear? Can't you just once prove me wrong before I die? I DARE you!
He who remains silent is understood to consent.
/ - 12 years ago
And to clarify: In my long message to you when I said I found it odd that some people let dogs (especially multiple dogs) sleep in their beds I intended to convey that many pet lovers find that behavior odd too. It is true! It is very dependent behavior and not necessarily best for the dogs. I know many who find it very strange and weird. I think my wording of "many pet lovers do" may have thrown you off.
Another thing...you exchange a few e-mails with this guy who is looking for mommy (mature older woman...) willing to brutalize him and you are under the impression that (in your words) he likes you. He doesn't KNOW you! LOL! You say "Are you assuming that is why he likes me?" I saw nowhere in the messages that he liked you...he is still at the 'feeling you out' stage. How could he possibly know if he likes you or not? You need to get a grasp on reality....quickly!
/ - 12 years ago
Ignore the many typos. I am in a hurry and did not utilize spell check. When I am upset...I tend to type horribly.
//////////// - 12 years ago
"He said he wants a strict DISCIPLINARIAN, a woman to beat his ass black and blue and humiliate him..."
--What does this say to you Einstein?
"GOOD GOD this is a new one on me. I don't know what to think of this. Do you have any idea what drives a guy to do this?"
--Yeah, I have a good idea. I shared it with you AT YOUR REQUEST. You responded in arrogant bitch-speak to me. Lady, if you don't want a honest answer don't ask the God Damn question. Here was your childish response when I answered your direct query regarding what type of guy would want this treatment:
"maybe, maybe not. I am not going to judge him. Insufficient data."
--Let us not reply by ignoring the obvious here: there is not 'insufficient data'...he gave you plenty of 'data' in plain speaking terms: "black and black, humiliate, strict disciplinarian..." Hello? How else does an intelligent person misjudge this request by him? Are you deluding yourself again? I am sorry you don't like my candid response or your ploys to get me involved in a conversation are not working. It does not turned me on to be brutally slapped on the ass...nor do I get aroused by inflicting or receiving physical pain. So your comment to me in your attempts to entice me... "I told him I would discipline him, but I don't know if I should show you that, you might like it!" Again...no, does nothing for me. Sorry that you get bitchy as your attempts at trying to bring me back in your good graces by trapping me into dialogue fail again. you get so pissy when I don't answer you int he exact way you want. Tough crap. Deal.
As for your pet dog "kid pup"?). You said "this is a terrible day for me..." Well, I think it is (was) a terrible day for HER. The focus of the suffering needs to be on the animal. And instead of utilizing heroic measures to make yourself feel better, it is best to alleviate the animal's suffering...that is the HUMANE (notice the word "human" is contained in "humane") way to approach this. Animal pets are not here to make you feel better and make you feel loved...they are here for us (humanity) to care for them. Everything dies and if you cannot handle that you are better not to add to your pet collection. I am not assuming you fall into the category of trying to heroically extend the life of a dying pet, instead of allowing it to be put down with dignity....I am just giving you my honest feedback. This is about her (your dog) not you. I hope her suffering has been alleviated and/or silenced and I am sure her presence will be missed. Be happy in that you were able to add something better to her life. Life is not a paragraph and death is no parenthesis.
You told bald faced lie to John. I read where you told him I hated animals. Ha ha...not true. I do not eat fois gras...I am against the wearing of animal fur. I deplore the 'sport' of hunting and I am sickened by animal cruelty and abuse. I do not necessarily enjoy having pets int he house due tot he mess, fur and upkeep. I don't need them around to make me feel better about myself. J's dog was a pain int he ass. Since she has loved with me, she is better trained and even J thinks she is happier. She smells and I am sensitive to odor. I find it odd (VERY ODD) when people have their dogs sleep in their beds...MANY dog lovers do! That was one of the many falsehoods you told of me. You are not the arbiter of who is and is not an animal lover. Animals do not having he same comprehension as humans (don't be fool enough to argue that point with a biologist) and therefore need our assistance to die. You say "It's a terrible day for me...I'm devastated...I can't quit crying...I am going to lose her.." I say it is normal to feel sad...but shift the focus off of yourself. I know I'll here hell for this or get ignored...which is fine. Truth hurts.
/ - 12 years ago
I don't know what your fucking problem is...but cut the shit lady. I DON'T DO BITCHY. Remember? I don't know what type of head games you want to partake in...but I ain't playing. I will comment on your pet's health issue after this. Remember, you fucked me over again just days with your deceptions...so you are damn lucky I am even giving you NEGATIVE attention, because clearly you do not deserve even that! I am still waiting for you to abandon your lies and your self interest and confess...but you aren't made that way. You will hold out, claim innocence and keep defending your shitty actions, per usual. Self preservation and deceit seem to operate in tandem with you. You should consider me a GIFT in your life for not abandoning you like the rest of the human population does! But I am getting close to doing just that. Now that I have gotten that off my chest and have calmed some, let me comment on your latest post. ::deep breath::
Ugh! It's not working...I am too pissed to calmly comment to you now. I'll be back later.....
Storm - 12 years ago
Are you assuming that is why he likes it? He was abused? Well, maybe and maybe not. I am not going to judge him yet. Insufficient data. One of my pup kids is dying Michael. This is a terrible day for me. It's my brindle 9 yr. old pit, .. Baby. She was fine up till mid-morning yesterday. Then she threw up all her food and has thrown up several more times. It appears to be organ failure. She is going downhill quickly. I'm devastated and I can't quit crying. I'm going to lose her ....
/ - 12 years ago
No, probably wouldn't like to hear about it. Yaaaaawn. Don't really care...spanking for punishment never turned me on...must have something to do with the fact that I was never abused, do not suffer from deep seated self-loathing and am mentally healthy...whatever..
Storm - 12 years ago
I told him how I would discipline him, but I don't know that I should show you that. You might like it! ;)
Storm - 12 years ago
I wrote him this a little while ago:
Hi Dan, .. The feeling is mutual. I would love to meet you too when the timing is right. Have you ever been to New Mexico? I LOVE it here. The weather is mild and the desert and mountain scenery is beautiful ! I am only 45 minutes away from Santa Fe. Albuquerque is a laid back easy going city where casual but progressive is what you will find. We have everything! Great shops and cuisine. Both Santa Fe and Alb. have an Old Town section where settlers and history began centuries ago and now there are art galleries, restaurants, and other shops you can check out down cobblestone lanes. There is a mystique and beauty here that gets into your soul, and the sunsets against Sandia Mountain are so beautiful as it turns the entire mountain into brilliant pinks and purples. There are nearby lakes and I would love to take you for a cruise through the Jemez mountains and up the backside of Sandia Mountain. On top you can see forever. We can also take a tram ride up and have dinner at an elegant restaurant called High Finance. My favorite restaurant in the whole city because it is so romantic with a great ambiance and a big deck that looks down on the city lights at night. Have I enticed you to come see me yet? LOL Someday I hope ...
Are you a homebody, or do you like getting out and about? I am both, really. LOVE my home! But I get cabin fever and like to do fun things, even if it is just cruising through the mountains and sitting by a lake or stream and listening to nature. Tell me please, what is your very favorite thing to do? Outside of the bedroom that is ....
I want to know everything about you. Are you retired because you can afford it, or did you receive an injury that prevents you from working? What kind of work did you used to do? Any hobbies?
Barb
Jan. 19 10:11 AM
Storm - 12 years ago
If you thought Andrew was handsome, you would think this guy is too. He is totally different than Tony, starting with being 6' tall and Nordic looking. Very much so, and ruggedly handsome with a slight Bohemian look to him since he wears his beautiful white/blonde hair a little longer than clean cut short. He stopped me dead in my tracks when I saw his picture and he has beautiful blue eyes and broad shoulders. I wish I could show you his picture. His name is Dan. Here are his last three posts to me:
Jan. 19 10:11 AM
To: matrixst..
Good morning Barb, I hope you are having a great day!! I would really love to meet you, and see if we click. I am very easy to please. Discipline me daily and I am a happy man that would do all in my power to keep you happy, laughing and full of life.
Jan. 19 9:27 AM
To: matrixst..
WOW!! You amaze me!! I want a woman that will do all you said, but I am looking for long term relationship with someone I can laugh and enjoy life with.
To: matrixst..
Yes retired. Do a little of this and that. So let me ask how would you punish me? I think we may have a connection.
Jan. 18 4:20 PM
/ - 12 years ago
as "drop dead GORGEOUS" as Tony? LOL!
Storm - 12 years ago
Ohhhhh wow! I have just met a drop dead GORGEOUS very masculine looking 41 yr. old guy from Belleville, NJ that looks quite a bit like a young Michael McDonald from the Doobie Bros.! He has the same whitish blonde hair down to just below his shoulders but styled nicely and has light blue eyes. He seems really nice and ironically we contacted each other at the exact same time! That is quite uncanny. I had just written him a message and sent it only to have one already waiting for me from him. Now, here's the kicker and I need your knowledge and advice Michael because I have never come across this before. He is looking for a " strict " woman! LOL I did inquire. He told me he wants a "strict disciplinarian! " I asked him if he wants a dominatrix. He told me he wants a woman to beat his ass black and blue and to humiliate him! GOOD GOD! This is a new one on me! I don't know what to think of this. Do you have any clue as to what drives a guy to like this? I told him I like role playing and having fun in the bedroom and I would have no problem telling him what a naughty boy he has been and spanking him. God, .. I don't know if I have it in me to actually hurt him! What the hell is this all about? Do you have any idea? Do you think this has anything to do with his relationship with his mother? I'm used to being the passive one in the bedroom and I like being nicely dominated. I would really have to turn into the little actress to please this dude! HELP! I need your advice ..... Have you ever met a guy like this?
Storm - 12 years ago
I wasn't trying to mock you, and I hear what you are saying. I just want you to see the good in me instead of always focusing on the bad things that have happened. I've heard it said that the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Don't I know that one! I've been to hell and back by my own mistakes, .. but I've learned from them, Michael. I'm not hopeless ... Don't give up on me.
errrgh.... - 12 years ago
Maybe you ought to read and listen to the "script" (as you put it) and tuck it away in the archives of the mind...you'll hear it a lot in this life, I am afraid. Your arrogance and denial prevent you from thinking that anyone other than you has a clue to who you really are. You have less of a clue than other people into the person you portray. To your credit, your wish and desire IS to be a good person...I get that...but you need to work harder toward that goal, baby steps don't cut it--especially when it is one step forward, two back. You have not yet achieved becoming the person you wish to be. Listen to my so-called "script" again and instead of mocking me...learn from it. : /
Storm - 12 years ago
I understand your reluctance not to open up to me anymore. I failed you 'unintentionally' Michael. I was never out to harm you and to hurt you. It always came down to saying too much and to the wrong people. Now, I talk to no one about you. Especially after my hard learned lesson with Jon. I fucked up bad and I know that. You were the last person I wanted to hurt and I live with that every day. I'm sorry I let you down. I know you are surrounded by good people that make you happy and that love you to death, For that, I am immensely happy for you.
Storm - 12 years ago
You paint me as the most horrible, despicable person on the planet. Casey Anthony is an angel compared to horrible me. I've always tried to be there for you, defend you ( which cost me dearly that one time ) and I helped to get you through the lonely period. I keep trying to right my wrongs and show you love and support. I am not perfect and NEVER claimed to be. You cut me down so much, Michael. I know what I am made of and I am a good person despite my failings. My heart is in the right place and I just wish you would recognize that and give me a break. I am trying very hard to do right by you.
Now, for saying that, I already know what you will say so let me save you the trouble. " There you go again talking about yourself and wallowing in self pity." Right? I've learned 'the script'.
/ - 12 years ago
There's no supposed "catch-22" if you understand the meaning of that phrase (apparently you do not). Answering a question and constantly bragging about your purported endless attributes and how wonderful you are in everyone's eyes (LOL!) are two different things. Do you understand this simple concept now?
Why would I feel comfortable opening up to you? I no longer trust you after giving you around a dozen chances to redeem yourself. You act insidiously to counterman my trust in sleazy ways. You think 'lying' consists only of telling direct non-truths--not true!
I am very content and happy and isn't that all one really needs in this life? Nothing is perfect, nothing is guaranteed. My life is complicated and uncertain...but never unhappy.
Storm - 12 years ago
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
The double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well Iw ant you gone
Not fit to fucking tread the ground I'm walking on
You asked me if I liked the song. But then I get criticized for telling you and talking about myself. LOL Catch 22. Are those lyrics suppose to make me feel good? Am I misreading then that you picked that song for me because you felt the words fit how you feel concerning me? Tell me if I'm wrong. Let's talk about you because that is what I want to do. When I ask you questions as to how YOU"RE feeling and what's wrong, you won't tell me. I ask about what is new with you. You ignore my questions. I really don't want to talk about myself, so lets don't. Tell me about you ... what's wrong and what are you going through?
/ - 12 years ago
Not sure what's so hurtful about that song. Ummmm....good, appropriate lyrics and you know how I have a huge sexual crush on Adam Levine. I really do. Sorry that you again are preoccupied with how you feel and whether something 'hurts' you.
Storm - 12 years ago
The lyrics hurt me. Is that what you wanted ? Why are you hedging my question? You're angry with me and I don't know why. It is my desire to clear the air, fix the wrong, and make things right. I need you to tell me what's wrong and why you are upset with me. I understand my past wrongs. You need not rehash them, babe. I've given you my regrets and apologies and I've done my best to learn and grow from it. Is there something new I've done that is bothering you? Talk to me about it, .. I care.
///////////////////// - 12 years ago
Do you like my song? Suits you. Yes?
Storm - 12 years ago
I didn't mean to offend you. Sorry. What haven't I come clean about?
/ - 12 years ago
I don't appreciate the first inflammatory and accusatory line of your post. THAT is YOUR insecurity as I never gave you reason in the past to think I would pick you apart and "tear you to shreds" --such lame self-pity. Grow up. You talk on and on about how men jerk their heads in amazement to steal a gander of you like you are Heidi Klum or Helen of Troy...and how all of these men find you so irresitably beautiful, when I never claimed you were unattractive in the first place! The only reason I may think this now is due to your resistance in the past to meet me back when that was something I wanted. Your ongoing efforts to focus on how men find you desirable to convince me of something. Crazy. I do not think JLo is attractive..I find he cheap looking. She is not unattractive...but she had surgery to soften her features. She has a very Puerto Rican look facially which I don't find very appealing in females...nothing wrong with her...it's just my taste. Angelina is fake looking. Google her name and plastic surgery before and after. Her nose was much wider, her face round...she has had copious surgery which makes her face look unnatural...her nose is too razor-thin narrow, just not 'real' or natural looking.
O fo course I am still mad at you because you do not "come clean' and choose to be dishonest.I hate that.
Storm - 12 years ago
Okay. If your motive isn't to pick me apart and tear me to shreds, then I'll do it. I remember you saying that you don't think Angelina Jolie or J-Lo are that pretty, whereas I think they are both the epitome of beauty, so that has me nervous whether you will think me attractive. Okay I said it, .. I'm insecure! A few months back I made copies of a couple of photos to send to Tony and I have extras. If you have an address I can send them to, I can get them in the mail either today or tomorrow. Do you have any photos you can send that way too? If you want to do it over the internet, then I need to pull out my manual and figure out how to use this camera. It has never been a priority so I haven't bothered. I have discovered it best not to even put a picture on my profile because it helps to weed out the very shallow guys. Remember that rude architect from Buffalo, NY ? Ironically, it seems the guys that are most hung up on looks are the homeliest guys of the lot! haha No kidding! I find that funny. You have to also promise me my picture won't end up on a dart board or in a men's bathroom with a note that says, ' For a good time call xxx-xxx-xxxx! ' You will also promise me you won't give me devil horns w/ a forked tail and a pitchfork! No mustaches and warts either, ... no matter how angry I make you. Okay? *-*
I would love any pictures you want to send. Do you have one with your baby? I would really love that. I still wish you would have sent the one you talked about where you fell asleep nude on your bed with the laptop on you! haha I am thinking that is when I mentioned to you that I would gladly send you a picture of me if you would send me pics of you. Let me know if you need my address or email. You will also have to call me to get me your email or an address unless you trust putting it on here.
Does this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?
/ - 12 years ago
But you have me wrong...I don't care whether or not you are beautiful...but YOU care. You go out of your way, unprompted, to convince me of your worthiness based on your physical appearance. You keep trying to convince me when I never asked about your physical appearance. I KNEW you would find a way to weasel out of a picture and summarily blame me. Well, now I'm asking. I've never asked before. Will you send me a recent picture or two of you over the internet (I can help you do it if computer ignorance is your defense...or any other excuse). If not, we can V-Chat or internet chat IRL. What do you say? You confessed that you offered to send me pictures in the past...I don't recall it, but I believe you. So since you offered then it would be odd and very unlikely you'd retract now. Don't ignore this message or stop replying all together to get out of it. I know you. please don't give me another 'blame game' or otherwise lame excuse. Saying that I have you "between a rock and a hard place" in untrue, as you are aware...unless you are a very superficial person. You should not be ashamed to let me know what you look like. While you have attempted to set my expectations high...they are not. You say you are not, I believe that. Now don't blame me as your excuse for NOT sending me a picture like you blamed me all of those times that you would not visit or allow me to visit. That is unkind. Be honest. Honesty IS always the best policy.
Storm - 12 years ago
Ummmm, no. I've been gone all day. Got invited to a b-day party out of town. Looks like you have me between a rock and a hard place and I will lose anyway I go. I could be the most beautiful girl ever born ( I'm not ) and with your hateful mindset I will be torn to shreds and picked apart no matter how I look. You're just biting at the bit waiting to do that. And if I don't, I will get " Told you so! " I lose either way so what does it matter? Your aim is to hurt me as bad as possible. No matter how nice I try to be to you, no matter how many times I say I'm sorry for ever hurting you and voicing my regrets, .. I get back more hate and more hurt. You accuse me of things that are not accurate. I am not unemployed. We haven't exactly been keeping up with the latest on each other have we! I told you before I was doing some data entry for a doctor from my home. Still am, but he also has me working in his office when needed doing filing and miscellaneous. I also started my own business making jewelry and making shaman statuary. I make the clay faces and heads, mount them to a nice piece of wood already set in place on a base, and then cover the wood with fabric, leather, feathers, beading, and I add a clay hand that is either holding a spear, or holding quartz crystals or some other object in their hand. I have an artist friend in Santa Fe that is showing my jewelry and art in his gallery and a couple of pieces have already sold. The cabin/shop in my backyard is now my studio. It's awesome with a big six foot skylight and two big picture windows that lookout at my ponds and waterfall. You can see it from an overhead view on Google maps if you remember my address. I have a tv and stereo out there to listen to. I know a taxidermist in Bosque Farms that gives me for free scraps of leather, feathers, bones, antlers and things I can put my imagination to good use in using. I have some other ideas I might try as well. I am really hoping this takes off because I enjoy working from my home and making my own hours.
/ - 12 years ago
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
The double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well Iw ant you gone
Not fit to fucking tread the ground I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love...
What you're doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love...
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
that it's me who has all the control
Does it thrill
does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you WISH that you had me to hold?
/ - 12 years ago
Just as I thought...once I call your bluff about your willingness to send me a photo, you disappear for this board. I know you read my message and I KNEW you would find a way not to respond...lest you have to send a picture. See...I.KNOW.YOU. Be happy someone does...be happy someone sees the 'warty' parts of you that you try to keep hidden. I never pushed you for a photo as it was clear to me that you never wanted to show me one. that is a fact. Besides...I try to look beyond physical appearance...however, I decided then that meeting in person was better than exchanging photos...phone calls and stupid cowardly long distance crap...since I had some stalker issues in my past with other ppl. Anyway, now you tell me you "offered at least twice" to send me photos! AND I DON'T REMBER THAT! Nor can I find that statement on any of the old correspondance we had. So...I am taking you up on your offer! ...I am happy to send you some recent photos of me (as many as you like) since you already know my name and my specs. I expect you to send me yours in return, and simultaneously ...okay? Prove me wrong. I knew you would love the chance to do that since you never yet to achieve that goal. Here's your chance, Gisele Bundchen. Here is your cue to either change the subject or ignore me...bet I'm right! And you can blame me for the reason you won;t send me your pics or VChat...it wont be your fear of sending me physical proof of your beauty and highly desirable image. C'mon baby! you talked about how ugly Megan was...prove you're the superior beauty!Let's chat on line...I can tutor you on how to do it. And if your computer was purchased within the last 2 years...it surely has a built-in web cam. How are you going to weasel out of this one?? LOL!!
Let's exchange pictures now! I AM GAME! - 12 years ago
"Sour grapes? " Oh, please humor me...explain that one. I'm all ears! LOL! Do you think iI yearn for you? I am not lonely and depressed anymore and haven't been for sometime. Baby...at this point, I wouldn't give you the honor of blowing me, never mind having to endure fucking you. So..."sour grapes"...does that make you feel better? Allow you to hold on to your meticulously created persona? "Sour grapes?" Why?...because I am NOT with an average- intellect (at best) 50-something year old women who is unemployed, unambitious and hardly educated... and hasn't had real sex in 6 years? "Sour grapes" because I am with a beautiful, sincere, intelligent, talented, woman who loves me more than anyone ever has and wants to bear more of my children? "Sour grapes" because my x lover is owner of 2 fortune 500 companies and is a multi-multi-mutli millionaire, very intelligent, powerful and physically gorgeous and would marry me at he drop of a hat? Yeah...he told me that. You make a fool of yourself with your 'delusions of grandeur'...you say things like "sour grapes" to me when you KNOW I can do much better than you but you won't admit it to me or even to yourself. God you are insecure. Such a drab downer of a frau (the word rezzy uses to define you! LOL!). And certainly she isn't jealous of you or "in love" with me as you claim everyone who says anything negative about you is... Nobody with any class would say "sour grapes" to someone like me when referring to themselves (and being the likes of you!)...it is 'unclassy', trashy and egotistical-- and there you have it! Yup...Ellery was right "rough around the edges"...lack of breeding is quite evident.
Tony? Hmmmm...always thought it was funny that once he met you he suddenly and coincidentally lost his sex drive with his pseudo-story of his shingles, increased symptoms and complete and total non-existant sex drive. Coincidence? Ummmm...doubtful. You would be very naive to think it is anything else. Sorry you couldn't properly arouse him (this is your cue to tell em some fake stories now of how he is back to being attracted to you and horny again, LOL!)
How long ago were you the supposed Max Factor spokesperson? What year? How old were you? Matters not at this point unless it was recently, right? I am not at all ashamed of my physical appearance or of my body. I think you would find me quite attractive...especially since you thought Tony was gorgeous (What an exaggeration that was...).But just admit that you were worried about me seeing you. I am not saying you are unattractive...but I know you had concerns. I NEVER recall you saying you would send me a picture of you--but I am game! PLEASE do! Let's exchange now! Put your money where your mouth is...Send me a pic..a few recent ones, or even just 2...I'll send you 10 of me. Go ahead...I'll call your bluff. I don't lie. This is your cure to make up excuses that you are a computer-retard and can't send pics. Well, I'll walk you through the process if you give me your computer make and model. It is quite easy. Better yet...let's V-Chat...you can see my face front and center IRT...and I'll see yours, you can stand and show off your model's body and you can see my bod too! Yes? I absolutely will do this. Prove me wrong. Prove your vast beauty! Prove you are not embellishing! I am 100% ready to do this. What does the male model think of your pictures? Hmmm?..bet you were afraid to send some--bet he'll never get any! Bet your profile on your date site has no picture still and never will. Oh, let me guess...you don't know how to load a picture on the site, or....have a camera on your computer or have the ability to take a picture. LOL! Am I right? Ha ha ha!
You know its your fault you never saw me...but I am happy that you were afraid to meet me with your lying excuses. Lord know how you would have fucked up my life...like some desperate leech. J was right all along about you...
Negative, downer, man repellent=YOU!
Storm - 12 years ago
I offered at least once if not twice, to send you pictures of myself in exchange for yours. Would I do that if I was homely and ugly? Would Max Factor have used me if so? Would JF Images have wanted to sign me on ? I really was willing to come see you this past September and we were making plans for that, until you went into another temper tantrum over something. Don't even remember what, and then of course Liz arrived and that was that. Sour grapes, darling! LOL
Storm - 12 years ago
You forgot about Tony, dear heart. He has seen me, spent a whole week with me, and thinks I am beautiful and very sexy. I still have it going on and attract admiring glances and smiles. In the past, I sent you some of his remarks about that saying so. He loves and adores me. We've spent hundreds of hours on the phone together. Have you? Nope! He is much more qualified to judge me over you. To date, .. I have been nothing more than words on a page to you, .. subject to misinterpretation, your negative and always sarcastic imagination, and sour grapes attitude. You sir, can kiss my butt and * talk to the palm * !
Have a nice day! I still love you despite the negative black cloud you've got hanging over you, but I'm not after you so don't flatter yourself! Even after all the hurt and cut downs you keep hurling at me, .. I somehow find you amusing! :)
/ - 12 years ago
Now you're trying too hard, man repellant.
This guy doesn't know you! LOL! What... did you exchange a few e-mails? BFD! Has he seen your picture? Doubtful. Once he asks to see your picture or meet you (if it ever comes to that, and I bet it will not) ...then you'll retreat because the 'image' he as of you ...the one you created... of a gorgeous sought-after beauty...will be shattered. Right? So now... your defense against the fitting term I assigned to you--man repellent--is that this male model and some questionable very wealthy business dealer are "after" you? I don't see it. You send this model (and he sounds legit from the little you have provided) a message on some 2-bit date site and he replies a few times, thinks you seem okay has no idea about the person you purport to be V. the person you REALLY are....and to you, this is evidence he is "after" you? LOL!!!! You're joking right? You make yourself look the fool! Anyone can go on some site liek that strike up a conversation with a dude and he'll reply. Means nothing! But you keep hoping---hope springs eternal!
so tell em about all of the men IRL who are after you.The ones hwo have seen you, met you and sort of know you. Not on line dudes with whom you've exchanged a few e-mails...real men. Hmmm?
WHERE are they? Oh, oh...I know...you COULD be with them if you wanted...you just don't want to...right? And if you wanted to get laid you could...you just choose not to...right? Suuuuuuuure....LOL! sounds very defensive. It kills you that I know you and see through you...doesn't it? Such BS! You are so very transparent. It gets a little mundane and boring. You are hardly the challenge.
Storm - 12 years ago
Man repellent, huh! LOL You sure like trying to hurt me with that one. Then why do men enjoy talking with me for hours at a time on the phone? Why do I currently have four guys vying for my attention, including a very wealthy guy, a professional well known male model, and two other local guys? I suppose you will resort to your other usual insult and call me a liar, but I have already shown you proof about the rich guy, and now I can prove to you I also have a VERY good looking male model that wants to know me. Man repellent? Now that is funny! haha
Hi Barbara, I returned from Seattle today and my background shoot went good. I'm not a full time model anymore. I gave it up about 4 years ago when work was slow. Now things are picking up for me again. I worked in LA and in New York too and modeled for Calvin Klein and Burberry in 1997-2001. I modeled with Ford Agency and then with IMG which does mostly women now. IMG is the best and biggest name out there now in modeling. I do sports and athletic modeling. I was featured in 2 full length car commercials in the late 90s on national networks and one aired during the super bowl. One for Fiat and one for Ford. It's a short lived career and I never did major runway. I'm also a scout for modeling in Beverly Hills LA area. I still get my own gigs and they pay me some good cash. I'm getting old for the clothing stuff but I still have a good niche and there is a market for my type. It won't make me rich and I'm not a full time super model or anything like that, but it's good to have as back up for when my other work is slow.
You like to hear naughty talk? Is this rich gold and diamond trader bi like me? Are you coming to visit me for a three way? It's fun getting cozy in bed with another guy and a girl together. I've done it a few times and it drives me wild! I think you would like that naughty Barbie. I like girls who aren't afraid to let go in bed. I like sexy ladies with nice heavy bosoms and long legs who love to be rubbed down and fondled. Does that describe you, naughty mistress? Am I too naughty for you yet? For the record, I'm hung nicely. I like pretty in the face girls who know how to really handle a man like me if you KWIM. I like blondes but some oriental girls too and hair color isn't the only thing. For guys I like tall Hispanic, Italian or Japanese men who are well hung. I like making other men feel good and getting them off. Did I scare you by being too naughty too soon? I leave again Saturday for a job in San Francisco scouting for an agency, and then a small catalog job for a sunless tan product. My life is busy but not so busy that I don't have time for lots of loving!
Jan. 12 6:32 PM
Storm - 12 years ago
Why are you so angry with me? What did I do now? Surely this must be about more than just giving a 'LIKE' to someone because I happen to like Idol better than The Voice and was in agreement with her. AND >>>I climax every single day at least once so it is not like I don't have any sex, thank you very much! And may I say the sex with myself is outstanding! I could have a guy tonight if I wanted to, but without feelings attached it wouldn't be fulfilling. That's just the way it works with me.
What would it hurt you to be a little nicer ? I'm not your enemy, Michael, .. so don't treat me as one. Quit pretending you know me so well because you don't. That is obvious by your perception and what you think I am all about. You are not in my head and you don't know what I think and feel unless I tell you. Even then, you usually manage to read me wrong and take it differently than how I meant it. If you would just realize I am positive, always happy .. I joke, and I mean to be helpful, .. then there wouldn't be near the amount of fights we go through. It is my desire to get along with you, so why do you want to keep fighting with me?
@$%&*!@&*%$@! - 12 years ago
Blah... blah... blah ...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...more self-piteous psycho-babble! Try to have an intelligent well-reasoned rebuttal free of cliche and platitudes for a change. You're a pain in the ass and you are man repellent. I don't think women ask for physical abuse...I don't think anyone ASKS to be physically abused or DESERVES to be physically abused...but I can see where you could drive a sane person nuts! REALLY! You are not the person you pretend to be or the person...the alternate life...you have meticulously created in your mind ...and you will never convince me otherwise. You have PROVEN to be quite the opposite! GO-GET-LAID. You need to be fucked by some dude! You are chock full of deep seated hostility and frustration! Meet a dude...take him home...and let him have his way with you. ANYONE! YOU FUCKING NEED IT BADLY!!! Use him for sex...doesn't matter as long as he has a dick! Good luck to the poor pathetic creature if you are expecting anything more after sex!
Storm - 12 years ago
You take things I say so wrong all the time because you think in a negative and sarcastic way. Why do you have to be so mean? I'm not trying to act like your mother. I'm being positive, pure and simple. I'm trying to make peace with you, damn it. You tried to humiliate me, so I called it like it was. You were being an ass! You asked me not to talk about personal things on his headlines and then you go and do it! I suggest that if you want to bitch me out, that you do it here so we both don't end up looking like damn fools. Don't damage me and I won't damage you! I was leaving you alone and not replying to you and your comments, but then you have to talk to me in reply. What's up with that Mr. Cranky Pants? Who's stalking who? I don't even know what you are talking about in regards to lying and blaming you. About what? Why are you being so difficult and what the hell has set you off? You were just beginning to be nice again. What happened?
What do you get out of belittling me all the time? Does that REALLY make you feel good about yourself? To be so unkind and heartless ... To say I deserved getting hit, kicked, almost strangled to death, picked up and thrown across the room, and a whole host of other bad things. All because I was compassionate and wanted to help those losers! Yeah, I was naive and a guppy for a sad story. So crucify me for it. What does that say about you? Abusers always say things like, " She Deserved It! " " She had it coming to her. " " She made me do it, .. it's her fault! " I am soft spoken and more on the quiet side than loud Michael. I am passive and easy going despite whatever impression you have of me. Just because I have enough self esteem not to lay down and let someone like you abuse me verbally without fighting back does not make me a bitch. I know without any doubt that if you met me, you would not treat me this way. I am a very kind and mellow peace loving person, Michael. It is just plain stupid the way we fight with each other. So unnecessary ..... And I don't care how mean and awful you want to get, .. you can't change my loving nature. It is ingrained deeply in me so go ahead and throw your hate on me if that makes you feel good. I won't return that to you, .. I can't. I know you have a good side to you besides this jackass side and that is what I focus on, not the negative shit. I've hurt you bad, I know that. Every time was unintentional Michael and I feel very bad for each time it happened. You on the other hand TRY to hurt me. Well go ahead and keep twisting the knife until you feel you have sufficiently hurt me enough. And then what? You'll feel better?
I wish sometimes I could get sufficiently mad at you enough to start hating you, but it just isn't there and it isn't going to happen. It's not in me, though I guarantee that if we had angry sex, we'd probably maim and nearly kill each other!
Wow, that's what I was seeking for, what a information!
present here at this blog, thanks admin of this website.
I'm having trouble getting in. Don't know what I'm doing wrong. Send the code if you will one more time for that private site on your twitter. Maybe I copied it wrong ... :(
I hope you were able to get into that other chat place--the site from Japan. If not, send me a private message and I can give you the access code. If it doesn't work we will use this poll as our default as well as EW as soon as I find a safe spot there. I just don't know what to think. I always confuse ck and Tlc and I believe that ck was prob the 1 following me then. I know Ellery was for a time and tried to confuse me into believing it was either ck or Tlc. That twitter is not TLC as it says Florida. So she's cool, she only just occasionally posts under different names...or did in the past. But that's no crime. Let me know if you'd rather stay here or go to Ew r the other private places.
I'm glad we straightened out that vast misunderstanding. My preference is to use the twitter accts, the Ew, the chat site from Japan and IM from yahoo. I am still tying to figure out who the real person was/is following me and saying sexy thing to me. If it's not ck or tlc (and I don;t believe it is now after we got that additional evidence) then it has to be someone form my other sites. I think it is FRank or Ellery now. But I don;t want to blame them this time until I'm sure.
I gave you a link to that other site that covers not only AI but all entertainment news. It's where we all talk, the whole gang. You'll find that better. I am still pissed at you big fucking time. It is only to be used so I can tell you off. WE can go back to the place we used that was more difficult ot post, the site from Japan. I guess we were premature in blaming TLC because I keep confusing her with ck and Ellery. The IP track is from outside the US so I wonder who has been trying to get my attention and send me those sexy messages. Ellery was the one who sent me the messages last time so I shoudl have assumed her, not TLC. TLC just parades around as different ppl now and then like that tiem on Rickey's page during our argument, but she's harmless. The IP was from Mexcio, not USA. Hmmmm....not sure who is following me. Look for the link and then we can talk there or on EW.
' In A Life Time ' by Clannad w/ Bono
Hard to tell,
or recognize a sign
to see me through
a warning sign.
First the thunder ...
satisfied, if the past it will not lie.
Then the storm
torn asunder ...
The future, you and I get blown away
In the storm
In a lifetime ...
And as the rain it falls ...
Begin again, as the storm breaks through,
heavy in my heart,
I believe the light in you
So the light shines in you
without color, faded and worn
torn asunder in the storm.
Unless the sound has faded from your soul
Unless it disappears ...
First the thunder
Selfish storm ...
Then the storm,
hold on the inside ...
Torn asunder
One life
In the storm ...
In a lifetime ...
In a lifetime ...
' In A Life Time ' by Clannad w/ Bono
Hard to tell,
or recognize a sign
to see me through
a warning sign.
First the thunder ...
satisfied, if the past it will not lie.
Then the storm
torn asunder ...
The future, you and I get blown away
In the storm
In a lifetime ...
And as the rain it falls ...
Begin again, as the storm breaks through,
heavy in my heart,
I believe the light in you
So the light shines in you
without color, faded and worn
torn asunder in the storm.
Unless the sound has faded from your soul
Unless it disappears ...
First the thunder
Selfish storm ...
Then the storm,
hold on the inside ...
Torn asunder
One life
In the storm ...
In a lifetime ...
In a lifetime ...
That is the sad irony, babe. You ARE more important to me than anyone else on this planet, .. along with Jamie. And yet I keep finding ways to hurt you and let you down. It makes me want to cry. I mean it every single time that I tell you I have learned and will never betray or hurt you again. You were just beginning to give me another chance and it didn't even get off the ground before I was put through another test that I failed horribly. I don't know what to say except I am talented at going stupid on you. So sorry ...
I am not proud at all at the way I handled this. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to hurt her. I tried to dance around your questions and avoid lying but it didn't work. I ended up lying anyway. I told the truth that in the beginning I didn't recognize her at first, but then it became pretty clear. I didn't want to out her and possibly hurt her in the process. You protect people too, .. even Idol Life who viciously attacked and tried to hurt me. I asked you who that is and you won't tell. I tried to protect her identity. Pure and simple. Rickey outed me when I was trying to hide from vicious attacks from Kassandra and Drucilla during the Adam Lambert attacks. Rickey has always hated Adam and I was always defending him so I guess Rickey doesn't like me much. I don't think he has ever outed anyone else. It hurt and I was stunned he did that. Kassandra and Drucilla were using multiple aliases but he didn't mind that. Fortunately, there were about half a dozen people sticking up for me and telling Rickey that what he did was wrong. So I know how it feels to be outed. It hurts. Doesn't justify what I did, but maybe that explains to you my thought process, Michael. I am trying to live up to your standards, and I fucked up. I am ashamed of myself that I ended up lying to you. No ends justify the means. I should have learned that by now. I'm terribly sorry Ive let you down yet again. I didn't mean to hurt you. I can only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I am still a sorry piece of work in progress. I failed miserably and I apologize.
So what you have proven to me...no matter how many lies fall from your venom ridden lips...is that I am unimportant to you. I am just as important if not less os than the likes of her....who betrayed you and posted nasty things about you. Nice. You can't wriggle your way our of this one...another lie to cover the last one may be in order. And we KNOW that is the ONE thing you are good at, your ONE gift, your single character trait that is consistent...that of a liar.
She plays games like you. She wasn't sticking up for you as much as trying to get to me. You can't see that? She LOVES when I am pissed at you...like on R's blog. So she'll fuel the fire by seemingly siding with you so we will stay angry (she posted under a fake name and I called her out). She made those age comments to you and said those hurtful things under a fake name on that "twitter" poll. I brought John up because you are doing it again! No lessons learned from you! You can betray me til the dogs come home....but you can't tell me one thing when I ask you a direct question (and you admit that you don;t keep in touch with her) about someone who basically betrayed YOU? She did! it kills me that you can reveal everything intimate and personal thing about me....promise again and again that I can trust you...and then lie to me AGAIN when I ask you a question outright. Face it...your word means NOTHING and you have NO integrity! You have proven it over and over again....never mind the convenient excuses. I do not trust you and I never will. I'd be a fool otherwise. You lie and you are NOT trustworthy. Please admit that. You told me days again that I could trust you...apologizing for your numerous and major deceptions. Then I ask you something and you LIE TO ME AGAIN! I even rephrase it and give you a second and 3rd chance...still you chose to lie. ONLY when you are 100% sure that I know and will catch you again in your deplorable evil lies do you reverse your word. You have stabbed me in the back more times than I care to mention.
I ask you a question as a friend...even pretty much knowing the answer...and you lie! You lie so much I can't believe it! Aren;'t you ashamed of the person you are? Always having an excuse for your myriad of deceptions...yup, there is always a reason to lie so in your twisted mind, that makes it okay. What a sad and lonely way to live. Doesn't it make you hate the person you are? I know I'd sure hate myself.
When I first saw that a Loveswan was following you, it didn't register. The avatar really threw me as well. That is the truth Michael. Then when I clicked on her and saw that we were following each other, I was surprised. It wasn't until I saw the initials that I started thinking it is TLC. She and I have not talked since that shit storm on the old twitter poll. I can't remember exactly what we said to each other. It wasn't much, but that is the last time I believe we talked. She seemed to come to my aid when others were attacking me. I call that a friend. Maybe she was mad at me in the past, I don't know. She and I always seemed to get along, that's all I know so I have no wish to hurt her. It is true I was trying to do a delicate dance in what I was saying to you. To answer your question on whether I knew it was TLC that is Loveswan. Not at first. Like I said, we don't talk and had basically lost touch with each other. Then it started to dawn on me that you are probably right. I got confused and didn't know if you knew her real name or not, and I was growing ever uncomfortable having to talk about her. To my knowledge she had done no harm to me. If she flirted with you then she is one of many and I can't even blame her for finding you attractive. Everyone does. Michael, it appears I'm fucking up again. It is hard trying to walk a fine line and not betray you and not betray her. I am doing my best trying to be a good friend to everyone I care about. You just told me you are not mad anymore at what I told Jon, yet you just brought it up again. You know I regret the things I said. I said too much. So this time I try to rectify that fault in myself and use discernment. Now this has you angry. I like TLC for sticking up for me in the past. I'm sorry I acted less than forthright with you. I'm trying not to hurt anyone. I'm sorry.
Why would you think she doesn't want me to know her real name? WHAT would make you think that? She told me and showed me your messages. How often do you talk to her compared to me? and you ONCE AGAIN risk lying to me to 'protect' her? HER? Like I would do anything? Yet...you freely give perfect strangers my most intimate secrets for which I told you in TRUST? First and last names of me, J, Bea, our vital statistics? Then when I tell you I know TLC's first name..and tell you what it is..you deny (LIE) you know it and later when you are caught in you lie, tell me that TLC "might not want you to know?" Why now do you think I don't fucking trust you? YOU are an insult to my intelligence! Why do you tell everyone about me but then lie to me when I have the info already? She betrayed you for fucks suck. You are nothing to her! She sent me messages as recently as yesterday saying Iw as cute and hot and she wants to get to know me. Hello? I have been getting messages in many forms from her for 2 years.
ANSWER THIS ONE QUESTION: Why do you constantly tell me that I can trust you after you fuck up and then turn around and so easily lie to me for someone like TLC...who you barely talk to? WHY? WHY? WHY? Answer that. YOU.OWE.ME. You KNOW loveswan1 is TLC...don't you? ANSWER ME FUCK GOD DAMN IT! STOP YOUR FUCKING LYING!!!!
Ugh...I'm starting to strongly dislike you again. I despise liars.
Understood. Sorry ... :(
She has talked about you behind your back. Trust me. She has been spying on me and sending messages to me over time..Good to you? HA.
Stop lying to me. I always know it. I hate it. Understand?
I know you aren't stupid and I'm trying not to lie. I just feel uncomfortable talking about her because I don't know if she wants you to know her real name, which is Nadia. She's been good to me and hasn't bad mouthed me as far as I know. She even stuck up for me when others were attacking. I'm sorry, babe. I was just hoping I wouldn't have to talk about her behind her back. Please don't get mad at me .... *-*
Oh please! You know her name and she IS NOT benign...she has been following me for years leaving me sexy and complimentary messages. ck as well...though hers were not as obvious. Get a clue. Her name is Nadia OR Nadine and you KNOWit! Stop the lying, baby...I'm not a dumb ass.
Darling, it's been a couple of years since TLC and I tried staying in touch to the best of my recollection. Some things I remember well and some things I don't. It was easiest to call her 'T' from TLC so that is how I greeted her. Nadia is her name if that is what you saw me calling her. She never gave me her last name but she may know mine because I gave you my email on the old twitter and it contains my last name. She is benign and nothing to worry about if it is her. I must say I am impressed at the bevy of girls that want to follow you around and vie for your attention. It looks like you may even have a guy or two doing it as well. We certainly know Frank is enamored with your life and follows you around, trying to learn the latest gossip. Sooo, ck never tried to flirt and come onto you behind my back? Wonder why she hates me ?
Are you still going to take Dan to see Hugo? If you told him you would, I imagine you will need to follow through, .. and don't forget the ice cream! LOL I hope you can get him to forget his woman problems. I wonder if there is any way to hook him up with some girl he would be compatible with? He sees how happy you are with Liz and it is probably making him feel lonely that he has no one. Does he let Liz hug and touch him? He's very particular that way isn't he? Have you ever thought about whether he should have a vasectomy? I hope that isn't an indelicate question. I just thought about that at this moment and if he ever did have relations and impregnate a girl, ... yikes! He may even start wanting a baby of his own if he gets attached to William. Hope that doesn't happen ....
Oops! I meant to write:
FUCK! I'M A CHICK MAGNET!
FUCK! I'm a check magnet!
Fri Jan 27 2:26 pm torrent fas[deleted]
Mikhailxo, You are hot as fire and have a very nice wit about you. I love your avatar and I checked out your twitter too. Your comments about Reid being gay were hilarious! If I can't follow your twitter then I will follow you on[deleted] and [deleted] I wouldn't mind taking a bite out of you instead of Miley's penis cake. I bet your cream filling is even sweeter. Here is my contact [deleted]
________________________________
Wow...maybe I should take my pic down. Thank God I didn't put up a really hot one or a 1/2 naked one!
Yes. Her old one was "seeing Stripes" and I tried to appease her by following her but it never quite worked. It is easy enough to open a new twitter...yes? I think you must know her first name as I was made privy to conversations you two had (which you perhaps thought were private) and she told you ehr name and you even noted it on your twitter long ago. I know you and you would recall. Stop the games again...you know her name. and I have PROOF that you do. One more chance to be honest, babe before you piss me off. I'll allow one fib a day for you.So...is her name Nadia? I believe it is. Are her initials NL...yes, I believe so. I can have J do a search and come up with the name and address of the person who owns the twitter...if I remember. It's not a big deal. ck was alright...but had issue with me. She loved to do her intellectual jarring with me and she was a semi-worthy component, I must say. I do not believe it was her who contacted me. But it has happended to em so many times where ppl tried to get in touch with me on these boards and that is why is stopped suing my name, giving out personal info and avatar with my pics. But...I figured I'll be movie overseas within the next months so what the hell. But i cannot believe how many messages I am getting on sites that allow private e-mails be to other members/posters. And even some who see me on R's are sending messages. I must really be a hottie! Ha ha! And when someone compliments you...it makes you like them more right? It's only human. PPl like to be around ppl who make them feel good. So funny because J and Liz think I am gorgeous and I tell them it is because they love me and they are blinded by love. But J tells me that he always thought Iw as ht bet looking guy he has ever met...sigh...how can I not love that? Really!!
J had to remove Dan from the bldg as he was causing a ruckus. I am waiting at the apt for him to be dropped off. Poor J...he was crazy at work and had to run to bro and calm him down. Apparently he was stomping his feet and wailing audibly. Ugh! It's gonna be a long night! Liz said she would come over with the baby since seeing him makes Dan happy...I told her not to bother driving to Manhattan in rush hr traffic. She's so sweet and thoughtful.
I remember TLC's twitter name was Showing stripes or Seeing stripes, .. something like that because I remember stripes being part of the name. Hmmm, .. I'll have to try Googling and see what shows up. I always referred to her as 'T' so not sure of her real name. Did ck try hitting on you behind my back? I always got the impression she didn't like seeing you and me flirting with each other and feeling affection. I think she was jealous, and I know she no longer likes me. I don't know why because I was always nice to her. So tell me, who are the ones who hit on you? Tell me please please please! I want to know .... I still think ck may have been the one that tried to sabotage our romance by stalking you in your email and pestering you. Someone was trying to break us up and imitate me from the sounds of it. I'm guessing that because you said you thought it was me. Had to be someone that hung out where you posted your private info and email. To this day, I have no idea what that email address was because you never posted it on Rickey's and that is the only place I hung. You won't like me saying this, but I also suspected Ellery trying to break us up. We know now she liked and wanted you. Don't be mad at me, .. I'm still very troubled and curious who did that to you. Do you know who it was? Please tell me if you know ...
Awwww, that is terribly sad about Daniel. Is he nice looking like you? Is there any resemblance? I imagine it took a lot of courage for him to ask her out. Rejection always sucks and he may feel it worse than most. I hope not. Very kind of you to buy him ice cream and take him to Hugo. Wish I could go with you two. I haven't seen that movie yet and it looks good. Let me know if it is worth seeing and I hope you both have a good time.
botch s/b "bitch"
Ignore the typos. When I am stressed I get very ADHD.
But she IS cute...I was just being honest. And she sees what I look like so she easily could find me not her type and ignore me. It is wholly possible she is not into Asians and finds me unattractive...right? So not my fault if she happens to think I am a cutie. I had no indication what she would think of my looks. Not my fault. RIGHT? Admit it! I don't think I was really the flirtatious one. :P
I was thinking Julie may be the cute Asian sitting with the pony tail...but guess not. I mean it when Is ay I HATE that botch...I am trying to lure her back to liven up R's board for him. Can't you tell we work in tandem? Hellllooo? I would not let Julie anywhere near my penis...TRUST ME!
Well, to be honest dear heart, .. when you tell someone they are cute like you did Jamanda, it looks like flirting and like you are trying to get their attention. It even looks like you are flirting with Julie and trying to come onto her. I'm sure she is the girl looking at the camera and smiling in the foreground of her avatar picture. Not that great looking if you ask me. Now Jamanda on the other hand is hot looking and maybe in her early twenties, though I am pretty bad at guessing ages once people become adults. Am I jealous? I'll never tell! ;)
Well, are TLC's real initials NL? I am pretty certain it is her by the writing style. /I thinks he sent mea message long ago and her first name was Nadia...but it is hard to recall. You have NO IDEA how many of "the old gang" were pretending to be pissed at me but hitting on me behind your back. Oh.If.You.Only.Knew. I kept her on...though I am deleting everyone else. Most who have asked elsewhere to follow me It ell them not to bother...but if I know them I don't mind. I am using it for posting on blogs so don't plan to maintain it.
dan called me from work crying because he asked out a girl at J's office (J and I tried to dissuade him from doing so) and she shot him down (no surprise). He is so upset. It breaks my heart. He is crying and says he can't work anymore. I am afraid he might start throwing things aroudn the office...he has no emotional control. So....I have to pick him up and take him out for ice cream and then he wants to see the movie Hugo tonight. Poor dude :(
Hi, .. I didn't recognize that name Loveswan when I saw her following you and was surprised to see she follows me too. I guess I am following her as well, though it must have been some time ago when this took place. I have over 670 followers now and I tried thumbing down my list to find her, but it was taking too long. Whoever follows me, I follow back out of courtesy and will usually send them a direct message thanking them for the follow. Sometimes a brief chat back and forth happens or they will be so kind to mention me on their twitter with an @. You really think it is TLC? Her and I tried to stay in touch at one point but it drifted off into no longer talking. She surfaced during that quibble on twitter at one point awhile back and tried to act as a negotiator. Her and I always got along and is one of the few old gang I still like. Is she flirting with you? She was married the last I knew. I see that aquayers is following you too. I assumed it had to be another girl fan of yours and was surprised to see HIS name is Alan something or other. LOL
Also...I asked for no followers on twitter and a few ppl have followed me...if I don't know them, I block them. Anyway Jamanda sent me a sexy message too telling me I was "awesome looking, very hot" Ha ha....hope you're jealous. this is another reason I stopped using pics because ppl would always try to cyber hit on me and tell me how hot or sexy looking cute I am.
Hmmm...a few from these sites have sent me similar messages...you don't suppose that they think I am flirting when I kid around do you? I don't think I really flirt much anymore and I don't want to lead anyone on.
Do you know who loveswan1 is on twitter? She sends me messages and is following me. I noticed she is following you as well. Her initials (name) reads NL. I am pretty sure it is TLC. Can you confirm? I am getting messages like "you are just so cute that I have to follow you." Pretty benign but complimentary things. It is ...I believe...the same person who has followed me other places and left me sexy messages. Again...loveswan1 is following you as well so let me know. I know she reads these polls and R's board so she could even come here...though we were sneaky re: our whereabouts this time.
Mine isn't THAT big for goodness sakes-- 8" long, but average girth. I prefer them wider, fatter personally (long is good too). J was blessed with very long and very wide. The best cock I've ever seen. And he has nice, big heavy balls too. I enjoy giving him head very much. Gorgeous face and body, smart, rich....but on the down side, he is rather hairy, is estranged from his family and will probably never have kids due to this orientation...so, he doesn't have everything.
I don't talk to Megan. She was emailing me for a while and I stopped answering, so she stopped. Didn't feel right when we had had sex so soon before. she told em she was still in love with me and didn't appreciate me enough while we were together (I don't know where she gets that...she teated me fine). Best not to be in contact with her now. I don't see Liz every day...no. I would like to but my life is not that simple. Dan needs me too and I can't ship him off to J's every day.Once my future is settled, we can make a decision about London and about living arrangements. Her mother is very nice and really likes me. Her dad still has a wall up where I am concerned, but he's okay. He is very protective of Liz and seems almost suspicious of me. He says inappropriate things to me at times and sticks his curmudgeonly nose where it does not belong. I think he believes that I am a play boy, sex feign lothario defiling his daughter. HA! She's the horn ball! Wait until he finds out how pregnant she is. He has made comments to me about "suppressing" my needs for "her sake" and "men are supposed to wait until the women is ready to resume activity and until she is no longer exhausted before forcing her to bed." and my favorite "pleasure yourself alone and get rid of your desire and let her get some sleep. I waited until Liz's mother was recovered and ready after birth before she had to resume her wifely duty." Ugh! I only don't respond because he is fairly old, not in the best health and decrepit.They insist on having the bedroom adjacent to Liz's (in a huge house) so I am sure they heard us fucking and moaning. It seems each time he says something is when we just finished having sex. So, I don't think he likes me but there is not much I can do about it.
LOL Your fingers probably are longer than Tony's dick, .. sad to say! He was hands down the shortest dick I have ever seen. That wouldn't have been so bad if he had just been thick around, but the poor guy didn't luck out there either! And then to top it off, he now suffers from erectile dysfunction! He is on so much medication that I think he fears going on Cialis or one of those to help him. He just got over a blood infection of some sort and is dealing with an inflamed pancreas at the moment. He is always sick with something, so sex and worries over not 'getting it up' have taken a back seat. Poor guy. You were obviously standing in the right line when they passed out dicks! Tony got a remnant. :(
Do you see Liz every day? Is she planning to keep her house and not selling it? Do you like her parents and sis? How about Megan? Do you still talk to her?
I honestly don't know whether telling her is the smart thing to do...but it is the right thing. Anything else is just lying and I don't lie. We can always make excuses and find reasons not to be honest, faithful and forthcoming in our relationships. All the time convicing ourselves, in vain, that it is all for the best and out of consideration for the other person. But then you are living a lie, you are not giving yourself to that other person and then it is doomed for failure. It comes back to haunt you in another way. But, anything short of full disclosure is a recipe for disaster. I shall tell hear and she will ask me many questions and I will answer. She will push to know why and when I give her the reasons (other than my self-driven perverted nature) she will be hurt. I don't want her to lose the baby over anguish or stress. She knows something is bothering me. It is hard because we cannot make love...I cannot enter her...there is a bit of an absence of intimacy. We really need that now. The Dr. wants to try to maintain the pregnancy and thinks that vigorous penetration could interrupt the developing zygote in the uterine wall. Where she is already so susceptible to miscarriage, we need to make sure at this very early stage we take no chances. Even though she had to stop nursing...she is still lactating and her tits are warm and full...her nipples are large, dark and sexy. I've been sucking on them again and it turns her on. Her pussy appears the same as before pregnancy. In late pregnancy, it was fuller and more of a purplish hue as there was more blood rushing to that area to prepare her for the work of childbirth. She almost had a C-Section, but they were able to deliver him vaginally....thank God he was small because poor Liz still had a long episiotomy incision. Even after the stitches were removed, intercourse was still painful for a little while. That sucked having to wait. If tony was her lover it would have been fine.But my 8 inches she could not handle...poor thing. So her pussy is now pinker and very smooth...I get very turned on looking at it and licking it, sucking it...so since we cannot fuck, I've been doing a lot of that lately...which I love. She asks me to suck hard on her clit as I I finger her deeply...but I make sure to only use one digit as I don't want to get up far near her uterus.Though as you remarked from my pic...my fingers are fairly long (probably longer than Tony's dick).
Kate had smaller titties with small nipples...she is small, slender and only about 5'3" --petite. They were firm and soft and her nipples were very hard. Good God....what did I do? I SUCK!!!!!!!
Good morning babe, .. It doesn't surprise me at all that you will tell her. That is the brave thing to do. She will at least know that she can always count on you to come clean and tell the truth. Picking the right timing is crucial as to how she will receive it. It likely won't be good, but catching her when she is in a receptive and light mood might lessen a more harsh reaction. It might not be as bad as you anticipate since you did some things right, .. such as not falling for her request to take her home and breaking it off and stopping it before it went further. Put the emphasis on the positive aspects, and I would start the conversation off with telling her that you need to find a new hair stylist because of an unexpected and most unfortunate incident that took place some two weeks ago. That tells her right away that it won't happen again and will hopefully put her mind at ease. Tell her it was just a moment when you felt overwhelmed with everything that is happening in your life and she offered comfort and understanding that led to things getting out of control for a short time. The good news is, .. she won't leave you no matter what. She is just happy to be in your life and having your kids. I understand your feelings about this new baby coming so soon and at this particular timing. It's not good for either one of you and I worry just a little bit as to how the pregnancy will go for her and whether it will put her in danger again. Her body will abort it if it can't handle this so soon after just giving birth. Did she have William naturally through the birth canal or did she need a Ceasarian? What is his middle name? Would it be Michael ?
I knew you would have touched her titties! Did you go underneath her blouse and bra? Did she have big nipples? That really turns me on when a woman does. Yes, the neck is so sensual and sensitive to kissing, licking and feeling warm breath on it. Drives me absolutely wild! Are Liz's nipples and tits staying big or are they going back to how they used to be? I'm curious too about her pussy and whether that has changed back to what it used to be, because you mentioned it seemed more swollen and had changed color somewhat as she got closer to birth. My belly was so big that I could not see what was happening down there, so I am just curious. Don't mean to be a pervert. Well, in all honesty, there is a 'slight' chance your description might turn me on! :)
I touched her titties too and I licked her neck and then nuzzled and buried my face in her nape. She liked that. I think that is a very affectionate gesture and Liz will be hurt, as she should. It has nothing to do with her...God knows I love her. I'm just an ass. A horny toad ass. I love having sex with both men and women equally.....but I love women.
I can't go on living with this guilt. I have to tell her. There is NO WAY I could keep this tucked away inside forever. I get the kissing thing. I know Liz and this will be the dialogue:
Liz: did you kiss her?
M: yes
Liz: did you like it?
M: yes.
Liz: do you plan to go back there or see her again?
M: No.
Liz: Are you attracted to her?
M: Yes.
Liz: If you were not with me would you have fucked her?
M: Yes.
Liz: Why did you kiss her? Why did you let her touch your cock?
And from there it will degenerate and degrade rather quickly. Then she will tell me that because Kate is someone I never had a relationship with before that it is worse because it's not just residual feelings and thatI am seeking out comfort for a reason....blah blah... and then I run the risk of a slap or a pitch to the head. She will force me, through her tears (mostly due to the pregnancy hormones)to tell her why, which I will reveal: that I am afraid of another baby so soon. That I am overwhelmed, that I am having a hard time grappling with my health issues, my uncertain future, having 2 children, a marriage, monogamy, uncertain relocation, bro's negative reactions, and the constant fear of failing her again and letting her down. I hate to say this God knows I think about it constantly....but forgive me, having a miscarriage with this baby might not be such a bad thing. I would never utter this to her or wish this tragedy upon her.
It took a lot of will power on your part to stop it when you did, so I'm proud of you. Whether you should tell her or not, I leave up to you. I know it is your nature to always come clean but if you do decide to tell her, you better pick really good timing when you do. Since you intend to never go back to Kate and that salon, which is quite wise for everyone concerned, I would almost be inclined to say that you needn't tell her. It is likely to hurt her and make her feel even more insecure with being able to keep you. I am thinking she will also put more pressure on you to get married. Being that she is pregnant again right now and her hormones may have her more emotional than usual is also reason to think twice and maybe at least hold off for now. Maybe even forever. For me and maybe for her too, .. maybe even for all women, .. I see kissing as even more intimate and hurtful than if my guy got a blow job or had sex. Does that make sense or surprise you? NOT that it wouldn't hurt if he did have sex of any sort. It's just that intimate kissing is so divine and expresses desire and emotions and brings you face to face in intimate closeness with the other person. Like hookers do, .. blow jobs and sex can be done and still not be intimate, but kissing is another story. I cannot and will not let a guy kiss me, let alone do anything else if I am not having feelings and desire for that guy. One time a guy forced a kiss on me at the end of a date and I was literally shoving back at him and trying to break away and he wouldn't let me. It was awful. Needless to say, I got the fluck out of there and it ruined what was otherwise a fairly pleasant date. I don't blame you for tucking this incident away for now. I think it might be the wisest thing for you to do unless it is really bothering you. You are smart and carry much wisdom. Don't act on this until you are sure of what is best for her, .. AND for you. Sometimes silence is golden!
I am surprised you didn't comment on the Mario Lopez bulging undies thread. I must have looked at that 30 or 40 times. MMMMMMM....man oh man! what a hot piece of ass and awesome ample bulge. I would love to grab me that. Good God! The commenters were all dudes too, LOL!
No....she didn't suck me. She was ...is....very sweet and a bit shy even. I blame myself 100%. She rubbed it over my pants at my request while I was kissing her and then she touched me under my clothing and I let her stroke me...but I didn't let it go to ejaculation....for what that's worth. When I was kissing her I could tell she wanted more and then she looked at me like a puppy with those big eyes and I could tell she really wanted me. I stopped her and removed her hand and apologized. She looked confused and wanted to continue. So yeah...I stopped it there and explained why. She confessed that she was very attracted to me even when Linda was doing my hair. She said she realizes that I'm not available but that I could call her anytime I wanted.
I can't go to her anymore...or to that salon. I have to find a new place I could go to J's hair stylist...but he charges J $200.00 for a cut so damned if I'm paying that! I went to him once with J and my hair didn't look any better than it does with the $80. cut.
Normally I would confess immediately, but Liz will ask a million questions as to why I was seeking comfort from someone else. She will believe me when I tell her that Kate was there at the right time and that I did not actively seek her out. She will also believe that while I admit that Kate is very pretty, I had no designs on her...which I did not. then she will want to know why I needed comfort....when I tell her that Iw as depressed about the pregnancy (I think I had just found out that very day of my hair appt), depressed and concerned about my health, the life changes, stress, returning to work, lack of sleep from running from one home to the next. Well, I think that will hurt her very much. I am afraid to tell her now where she is newly pregnant. I also am a little unsure how she will react with the hormones. What tif she throws something at me again? I'm scared!!
Liz could be okay if ti were someone I knew prior who was comforting me or even sexually comforting me...as Bea had that time. But she gets all pissed off when new people whom I just meet are after me or attracted to me. Like it's my fault! She doesn't like if she think women are chasing me...especially when when they meet me they know I have a gf and a baby.
I can't open up to J, he will just lecture me and look all disappointed and shake his stupid head. I can't spend as muc time with J as before or be as clsoe...it is too hard on him. He gets far too affectionate and reminiscent. Liz encourages my and J's sexual relationship...but that is becaeu she thinks she needs to do that to hold on to me...no matter what I tell her, she still thinks she needs to allow that. I wish she had more faith in me. I wish she demanded I be faithful with men and women right now. It would make it so hard for me to stray. I would know that she was depending on me and trusting me to do right by her. But she does not...she tells me to be with J as she feels that will make me stay with her forever. She is so afraid of losing me again for the same reasons as last time (or what she perceives as the same reason) that she would let me stray just to hold on to me. It's not necessary...I wish she would believe me and put me to the test. She told me that being with me is the only thing that truly has ever made her happy and that nothing else and no one else matter....so she would rather I be with J too as long as I never leave her. So much pressure...so much at stake for her if I can't pull it off. Liz sis like you in that she feels that everyone is in love with me and wants to fuck and marry me. I told her she was blinded by love.
Oh, okay. So she did give you head. Did you give her anything? Has she asked to see you again? Does Liz know?
Well, I said I didn't have sex....I didn't say that nothing happened...
Ohhhh babe, .. don't hate yourself. It's a good thing you didn't take her home, and as long as you take measures from here out not to put her or yourself in that situation again, no real harm was done yet. Did she want to give you oral? It sounds like she wants to start up with you no matter your circumstances, so it might be wise to start going elsewhere for your hair needs. You don't want to hurt her and you don't want to hurt Liz. Have you told Liz what happened? How can your heart be empty? I don't understand what you mean by that. Is it just all the stress that is getting to you? You may feel alone and that everything is on your shoulders, but you have no shortage of people around you that would drop everything and help you in a heartbeat. Jeffery especially! He wants you to need him and need him badly. He will do anything for you. ANYTHING! We both know this. I'm here for you and I am still just a phone call away. Men love talking to me, .. for hours! You might just forget you are talking to me on the phone and realize I am right there with you in spirit and the present moment. I know you won't call, but the offer stands because I would love to talk to you. Okay? I love you ... ~~~ Don't be so hard on yourself, .. you're only human and you don't have to be perfect, .. though I think you are pretty close to that already. I know Liz thinks so too!
Not wise for any woman to be alone with a man whom she doesn't know well inside a home or business .She asked me about baby William and then my work. I told her about my health issue and my London relo being on hold. I could see her eyes welling up When I talked about the health concerns. Then she asked me about Liz...I hesitated and told her about the pregnancy...she seemed surprised and then as she was cutting my hair I began telling her everything...just blurting it out. It was like she was there at the right (or wrong) time to hear everything I had been keeping bottled up. Sooo....receptionist was in the back room talking with her bf. Kate just looked at me and said "Oh, I am so sorry that this is all happening at once." and as she was combing through my hair I just touched her lower arm above the wrist, quite instinctively, very lightly. then I began touching her entire arm and stroking the length of it gently and she motioned close to me with her body. When I got out of the chair and stood up in front of her and she gave me this sweet big hug and I began holding back tears. She noticed and didn't stop hugging. Then I kissed her...ugh....I didn't mean to...but I did. She asked me if I could take her home. I told her that it would not be a good idea as I would hate myself for what I did to Liz. She then asked me if I wanted to sit down and talk. So I did...we talked more...kissed more and then she leaned over and hugged me while sitting really close. Weeeeelll....my friend down south got excited and I put her hand there. She responded quite positively...ugh. We didn't have sex, but I wanted to. I am very depressed and I HATE HATE HATE myself! I deserve to die from this stupid fucking empty heart.
Well, the baby is less than 3 months old still...it is hard to have a major move occur (for Liz) when she is tired from his irregular sleep schedule still, etc. Our plan was to move to London sometime this month until my health derailed that. We are in limbo. I do plan to relocate w/ Liz and the baby and bro to London but cannot now until my health situation stabilizes. Luckily, my work hired a London member (I am sure they have to pay through the nose for him) to jump start this project. I could potentially put it off until late March or even early May. I don't like to say too much as I do not want to be judged, but yes...I do not have to work, but I choose to do so. Wealth-wise I am not Liz's X as far as financial assets, however, with my savings and inheritance, I could potentially retire now. It would not be smart though since I have Dan, Liz and the baby (small chance of another) to support, her assets withstanding. I cannot depend on J to support Dan...it is not his responsibility and the non-job he has for Dan goes once Dan moves. It's complicated, but I don't feel right not working and draining my own and bros trust funds and inheritance and possibly having Liz use her soon-acquired wealth and assets from the divorce to support us. Sorry...I know I'm a 'throw back', and many woman (maybe even you) will find it pathetic to hear that I feel as a man I have the role of supporting the family: my offspring and their mother. That's how I feel. I was raised to always work hard and be responsible so not working...no matter my financial situation... is not an option...unless my health dictates otherwise. I also have disability insurance in case I am in too poor health to continue work. Look---I'm well covered and my company will not force me to move to London if I cannot...not given my health situation.
I have had the same stylist/hairdresser for around 3 years. She recently left (mind you...there are few barbers in my Manhattan neighborhood...but many salons..so going to a unisex salon is not a "gay " thing). Anyway, she left so Iw as assigned this new, young, very cute, sweet perky, fashionable, stylist, Kate. My hair is pretty conservatively styled...not dated, but much more conservative than in my twitter photo (Bea styled t for me that night and she is into very chic european...so it was a bit spikey then). Anyway...she cut me 3 or 4 times. She is very pretty (did I say that?) probably 26-28 is a good guess. So, my old stylist, Linda was in her 40's...married, over weight and not really someone I was attracted to physically. Kate is shy, smiles a lot...just so nice. Anyway, we talked a lot during the appointments and she knew about the baby, about J and about Liz, etc. Every time I told her something she would say "oh my!" as her eyes would seemingly pop wide open and she would smile at me in the mirror. Well, always thought she was cute...but never thought I'd act upon anything. Right? Well, my last appointment was around 2 weeks back. I should also mention that it was obvious she thought I was attractive as I caught her looking at me when she is washing my hair or cutting...I'd catch a glimpse in the mirror. So last appt I called and Kate was booked up and could not fit me in. I asked them to have her call me if she had a cancellation. She called right away and offered to take me late on a Tuesday eve after hours after her last appt. How nice, right? So, it was me, Kate and the receptionist. It was obvious that Kate asked the receptionist to stay until I w as finished...and I don't blame her. Not wise for any woman to be alone with a man whom she doesn't know well inside a home or business. Anyway, this was when I found out about the pregnancy (Liz was merely weeks...maybe 3...we found out by accident). She was so early that a regular pee stick would not have registered the hormone. So she was washing my hair and talking to me...few words exchanged, very mundane. She asked me about William and then my work. I tol
I guess I assumed Liz would want to sell her home that she shared w/ her hubby and that she had moved in with you full time. Not so? If you still have to move to London, then I guess it makes no sense to look for something better for all of you in Manhattan at this time. I can't believe your work is still forcing you to London when your health is still sketchy. Since finances aren't a worry for you, maybe it would be better to just tell your work to find someone else to go and take a pay cut if that is what they hang over your head. Is Liz divorced yet? Do you have plans to marry? So what happened with your hairdresser? Is it something that had been building between you two or was it out of the blue? Did she come onto you? How about Megan? Does she still try to see you?
I don't understand the door knob comment...what do they have to do with pregnancy? I am confused by that pun.
I do love Liz very much. She is very good to me and I love our baby. Having to handle these changes now...the switching back and forth of homes...having Liz juggle the baby, her parents and then me when I stay there...or coming to my place with the baby for bro's sake. The limbo of residences. J has been a phenomenal help to me. God...when I think he is helping me with bro just so I can spend time with Liz and the baby when I know he still loves me. I feel a lot of guilt about that. My health is still undetermined long term...so adding another kid makes me worry about leaving 2 children potentially fatherless. Dan will have a hard time dealing with my attention going to a 2nd baby and so quickly. He has really taken to little William and even kisses him now and then and whispers in his little ear "I love you."
I had a situation with a woman who does my hair. Not sex. But it was not good. I have to pay my penance.
I'm sure it will all work out as it is suppose to. You can only take things as they come and you are wise and taking what precautionary steps you can in dealing with this situation. I think you must have the most potent sperm on the planet! Don't stand too close to a doorknob for fear of making it pregnant! haha I hope I just made you smile instead of frown. That was my intention. I know this is no joking matter to you and it is stressing you. Have faith, babe. The situation will work itself out and all will be fine one way or another.
Liz is the right woman for you, no doubt. And she obviously feels you are the right guy for her. Your getting back together is no fluke and I think you probably saved each other. She wasn't happy with her life. Money isn't everything and sometimes it even brings on the misery, depending on the situation. Your bond with each other began some ten yrs ago and it never really left, .. it just got delayed until the timing was right again for you two. Your so called " pathetic " letter was the needed catalyst and it worked a miracle for both of you. Your letter was sweet and I'm sure she will never part with it.
How is Daniel ? What does he think of the new baby and Liz? I know he thinks she smells nice. Does he still stare at her tits? LOL Does he consider her a worthy adversary now in the game of Monopoly?
No I am not happy. Duh! She isn't really happy, though not unhappy...but I think she will be if this pregnancy thrives. It's not a good situation. She never even had a period. I am going to get a vasectomy if I don't die first. The likelihood of miscarriage is very high hence the cessation of breast feeding and vaginal intercourse. It is not good for her, health-wise, to be pregnant so soon having not fully recovered from the high-risk birth yet. Plus my health and my brother and the stress becomes more than I can bear. But...it's not Liz's fault so I won't make her feel guilty. She won't abort of course...I didn't even broach the topic. She thinks I am fine with it...that's what I told her. J is rather angry with me. Not out of jealousy...he thinks I should have been more responsible. She is so early that we haven't told anyone really...such as relatives. Our living arrangement is strange as well. But Liz is so happy...she is so sweet...she only wants to be with me and have my babies...how can I be angry at that? At someone who loves me so much and who took such a risk for me and gave up everything just because she received a pathetic letter out of the blue from some x-bf chump. I feel lucky no matter what happens to me now.
No I am not happy. Duh! She isn't really happy, though not unhappy...but I think she will be if this pregnancy thrives. It's not a good situation. She never even had a period. I am going to get a vasectomy if I don't die first. The likelihood of miscarriage is very high hence the cessation of breast feeding and vaginal intercourse. It is not good for her, health-wise, to be pregnant so soon having not fully recovered from the high-risk birth yet. Plus my health and my brother and the stress becomes more than I can bear. But...it's not Liz's fault so I won't make her feel guilty. She won't abort of course...I didn't even broach the topic. She thinks I am fine with it...that's what I told her. J is rather angry with me. Not out of jealousy...he thinks I should have been more responsible. She is so early that we haven't told anyone really...such as relatives. Our living arrangement is strange as well. But Liz is so happy...she is so sweet...she only wants to be with me and have my babies...how can I be angry at that? At someone who loves me so much and who took such a risk for me and gave up everything just because she received a pathetic letter out of the blue from some x-bf chump. I feel lucky no matter what happens to me now.
Ohhh my gosh! Another baby is on the way? Whoa! Are you happy about this? Can her body handle this so soon? I am aware of what happened when your son was born ( may I use his name on here or would you prefer I don't? ) and the danger she was in after his birth. Is there any worry about her health with this one? I know she wants all the kids you can give her so I am guessing she is happy about this, but how about you? Are the chances of this baby making it all the way, better than what they were for your son, or the same high risk of problems?
Honey, .. I have never stopped wanting or loving you. I've gotten to know you without seeing you for all this time and it is who you are on the inside that made me fall for you. Your looks simply compliment that, and in a very nice way! ;)
You just want to talk to me again because now you know what a hot piece of ass I am. Ha ha--admit it....you didn't think I was going to be as cute as I am...THAT'S what I think. LOL!
No, she's pregnant again so she had to stop nursing completely.
Sorry to hear she can no longer nurse. I am guessing she has painful clogged milk ducts because you mentioned that problem to me before. God, every time Jamie would latch onto me I had to let out a yelp! That kid was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner with his strong suction. LOL I miss our talks, Michael. We could talk about anything to each other. My own damn fault, I know. I hope I can restore your faith in me again. All these painful lessons I brought on have not been in vain. I have learned from them. Discernment and much forethought along with just learning not to always bare all to others are the biggest lessons, though I still feel you are the one person I can tell anything to. You've been very good to me and have taught me much, believe it or not. I would be giving you a great big hug right now if only I could. I hope any stresses in your life aren't taking too big a toll on you. Jeffery loves you like no one I have ever seen and I imagine it is hard for him not living with you anymore and seeing how in love you are with another. He'll be happy just to get anytime alone with you. Have you decided not to be intimate with him anymore? It may be the best thing for him so he will let go of any hope of getting you back, which he likely yearns for. He'll never abandon you and that's good, but he also may never truly move forward with building a life with someone else to find his own mate. I'm sure you have thought about all of this. I can see how close he tries to stay attached to you. A delicate situation that you are in the middle of with him. That is what I am seeing. Am I wrong or right?
No...my cock is fine and in good working order. What I meant or R's front page was that I haven't had sex with a dude for 12 (now 13) days. I was teasing R who clearly hasn't been laid in a while....like you....poor dude! Liz is a horny little vixen...she can't go 12 days without doing me. Thank God! But, the truth is even though we have sex every day--or multiple times per day--when we see each other...we have not had intercourse (vaginally) for a couple of weeks. Long story...it will only be temporary. I don;t really want to get into it as it is contributing to my stress now. Anyway...she gives me head every day and we do some backdoor and other fun things....so the other art can wait until she is int he position to have that type of sex again. Yes, I miss it....but it's only temporary. Unfortunately, Liz had to completely stop breast feeding for a med reason--it's hard becauseI hate seeing this little baby have to thrive on formula when it is so unnatural for human infants. Liz had no choice....BUT, the good thing is that stopping the breast feeding has increased her sex drive as she is less tired.
What is happening sexually between J and moi is a long story.
Have you ever had a girl write a poem about you? I was rummaging through a box of stuff I have in my closet and I came across a poem that a guy I dated a couple of times back in Ft. Collins, CO wrote me. He even decorated a brown paper sack with his hand drawn artwork and used it as an envelope, and placed an old stamp from 1892 on it and then left it on my doorstep for me. So sweet! Here is the poem:
MIDNIGHT OBSIDIAN
I knew you ...
Born in fire,
I touched your night glass edge,
and caught in you.
A black mirrored pupil,
Dark iris reflected,
Encased in your sable prison.
Once I saw you shimmering ~~~
Okay. So I find you delicious to look at and I have already had many fantasies as I stare into your eyes in that picture, wondering and imagining what it would feel like to feel your hands on me and what it would feel like to kiss you on that smiling mouth of yours. My fantasies about making love to you have never stopped, Michael. They've only intensified, and the more we fight the more I want you to just fuck me harder! How do you like them apples? I can get pissed at you at times but I can never hate you. At times I want to cuff you upside the head and tell you to lighten up and at times I wish I could just shut you up by planting my mouth on yours and kissing the life out of you until you have no fight left in ya. ;) In some ways, fighting just makes me want you more and it does make me envision angry and slightly rough sex with you. I'm not into pain by any means, but I know I would see the passion and fire in your eyes and that would turn me on to no end. It would melt away the anger and drain you of any bad feelings you have about me. I know it would. I am not trying to encourage you to fight with me though, .. I want to get along. I can't blame you at all for not trusting me yet. I understand the damage I have done and I deserve whatever repercussions come my way because of it. It just makes me feel very sad I hurt you and fucked up so bad. Tell me what I need to do yet to start the mending process because I am mystified as to what betrayal you feel I have not come clean about. I want to deal with it and I hope the outcome will bring you peace.
I truly hope then that you are indeed feeling better and stronger everyday. You mentioned on Rickey's you haven't had sex in twelve days! How can that be Michael when you have Liz and Jeffery? The only thing I can figure is that you wore your cock down to a stub and you need to give it time to grow back! hahaha :)
Errrr....rezzy's a little annoyed at me. She is not ck or that disgusting despicable pig Grimoire. We met on another board. She lives outside of the US. We have a few things in common...leave it at that.
It's a bit funny when you try to damn me by faint praise. LOL! And acting like I look my age--even older--in that photo. Truth? I was around 36 there...I probably look around 30-33. I don't think I am someone who looks much younger than my age nor do I attempt to. But because I am Asian and I am slim, I do look a bit younger than 39. But why mention something that someone could take as quasi-offensive just to dis Ellery? And fuck it! I'll say it...I know you think I'm awesomely hunky and handsome so stop the 'lite' compliments. Unless you do not find Asian guys attractive (and I have met those who are not into the Asian 'look'). You never even mentioned my picture until I did first. Perhaps you were a bit surprised at my physical appearance in that I was better looking than you even imagined. I bet you saw my picture and wished you could have those long fingers travel in you --'you know where', and have that nice long cock inside of you while you kiss my full mouth. Cut the shit, lady. You think I'm hot so say it! I'd rather be with someone who is honest and not so insecure that they pretend I'm sorta cute or 'kinda handsome'...fuck! I have a mirror! LOL! I know what ppl say about my looks....stop being a big fake! Cut the games! Ha ha--you're so funny. You think I'm fucking hot... liar! :D
I Don't like games.
My health is fine. I am not interesting in sharing any personal info with you until you can redeem yourself...which you have not. Until you can be honest...which you have not. Until you can come clean...which you have not.
Jamanda is hot looking for sure! I'm surprised so many people are getting up avatars of themselves. Or at least supposedly of themselves. It makes it more interesting to see who is responding. What happened to rezzy? She was such a regular. She reminded me of ck with her quick wit and sarcasm. That surely wasn't her or Grimoire was it? Sooooo, why won't you tell me how you are? You're starting to make me worry and think that it is bad news .... :(
Google : Theoretical Bullshit
I stumbled across this last night and I think you might like it. Scott Clifton is an actor and an atheist, and he takes on Christian theology and really rips it apart showing the gaps and holes in religious belief systems. Discusses what makes something moral or immoral and right from wrong. Discusses homosexuality and whether it is ' moral or immoral '. He is brilliant and obviously very intelligent. On top of that, ... HE'S HOT! I love his eyes and the way he thinks is so logical and smart. Let me know what you think. ;)
Hmmmm...I hear all of the time that I look a bit younger than my age...most East Asians do. I believe I do as well. My mother at 72 looks more like 60...even after her stroke. PPl guess I am 33, 34 tops. So slightly younger. Maybe that is a bad pic with regard to the age I am. I was 36 when that was taken(?). I don't care about age or how old, or how young I may or may not look. Women of course care how young or old they look...and gay men do....not me or most men I know.
I don't know who that Kelly person is 'liking' me. But I like Jamanda....oooh, she is cute. I hope I wasn't obvious with my attraction to her. I was kidding around and I'm sure she gets that. I am not the flirt I once was. LOL!
Hi, .. Surely you know I was teasing and just playing with you when I said I found you " kinda cute " ! I confessed that I find you handsome, .. you little devil, you! I don't get L saying you look like you are much younger, .. like you are only thirty or something. I think she is just trying to close the age gap between you two so you will think she is more suitable for you than "older women" or even Liz. Why did she end up in Singapore? I thought her parents paid for her to attend Stanford. You look really good but you look mature and the age range that you are. Nothing wrong with that. Have you heard from Bea ? Is she still planning to marry Karl and has she set a date yet? I'm betting she hasn't. I don't think she really wants to marry him. She wants to marry you! Even I can see that. Has she met Liz and seen your baby yet?
You avoided telling me how you are feeling. Are you okay? Do you know yet when you have to move to London? How do you feel about that at this point? Maybe you can persuade them to let you stay where you are in case of medical need.
"Kinda cute?" Ha ha! I don't believe you. Not to say that I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I know I'm decent looking. I know your taste in men and if I'm what you now say is only "kinda cute" then you are lying! My self esteem is quite intact so no worries about your honesty about my looks...it won;t make my head any bigger (and if you look at my pic, my head is quite large). Artificially lowering your appraisal of me only makes you look insecure, ma dear. But 'tis okay. As I say...I'm a solid 8...but I'm no Jeffery. Though he finds me very hot for some reason. I've been getting lots of nasty and sexy messages though on twitter, blogs from ppl telling me I'm hot. Are ya jealous? LOL! The pic was taken circa 2008 or 2009 (?). Bea took it right before we broke up...quite literally... as we split the next day. Maybe that's why I was smiling ;) Pic taken in NYC and that is a grand piano...you knew I played, yes? Bea emailed the pic to me shortly after she took it. I had it on my computers already downloaded, so at the time it was convenient to use it as my avatar--since I had no other images of myself downloaded. Fast forward to present: Since ppl like R keep bugging me to get an avatar....and since I opened a new twitter (only for use in commenting on blogs....makes it easier than always opening new accts), I had that pic left over from my old closed twitter (Which was still on line for some reason), so being lazy as I am...I just transferred it. The pic is okay in that it makes me look more broad than I am as I am leaning forward for the shot. My hair is a bit darker in that pic than IRL as the pic was a bit over-exposed. The shirt I was wearing was blue, not black. If you go to my twitter (which I am sure you have checked out already) there is a larger shot obtained by clicking on my image. I think I look slimmer IRL. This is the pic where L commented back then that my nose was big. LOL! Well, my facial features (other than my eye shape) are very anglican, like my dad's. I have my mother's coloring and her eye shape...though hers are more asian appearing. Jeffrey being the astute and fierce litigator (by education, not career) decided to copyright all images of me on the internet for my safety. Jeesh he's a bit paranoid! He has all of his copyrighted as well and doesn't want someone transferring or downloaded them. So basically I also used this one so he won't squawk at me. Since he put a copyright on it...Lord knows where it may end up on the internet eventually.
I hate Julie...she's a bitch. She follows me like an obsession and comments negatively to anything I post. She has been doing it for a while at R's and other places. When I said "I love you" it was to piss her off. She hates me as much as I hate her. She sucks. I will tell you what you did and why I felt betrayed another time...and still do. but I am back at work pt now and need to get something accomplished today.
What betrayal are you referring to? I haven't talked about you to anyone else since Jon. I thought you might be referring to that simple 'like' I gave Julie. Is that it? Why did you tell her " I love you " ? Do you have a history with her? Those are words you usually take very seriously. And who is this Kelly girl that has given you endless 'likes' ? Just curious ... I want to make things right with you, so help me out and give me a clue to what this betrayal is that is bothering you. I haven't talked to anyone else on these boards and won't ever do that again.
Yes, I think you are kinda cute. ;) That little avatar of you is too hard to see so I have it now in about a 3" by 4" and can see you real well. Where was that taken? You're sitting on a piano bench w/ a baby grand behind you. Your eyes are very nice and look more Asian than I imagined. Very nice smile! Nice hands w/ those long fingers and a very masculine looking chin and bone structure to your face. Okay, .. you're right down handsome but don't let it go to your head or ego. :) I wouldn't want to spoil you, .. unless it was in a bathtub or in the bedroom. I guess I should also include spoiling you with a fantastic home cooked meal too! Now my imagination is going wild and I can think of other ways to spoil you as well. Where is that 'off' switch? :o
Are you feeling okay? Be honest .... as I know you always are. No sugar coating it, okay? I care ..... Are you getting better or are you getting worse?
Not mad about what you said to Jon. That is not the betrayal to which I am referring.
Glad you are dating...now PLEASE go get laid.
So ...you never told me if you thought I was cute....so, do ya?
Let me cut to the most honest emotion I am feeling and have always felt, .. I love you. It astounds me to no end how talented I am at hurting you when I don't mean to. What was said to Jon was venting and letting out the hurt I was feeling at not having you in my life anymore. I expressed some bitterness because I was in some emotional pain. Had I known it would all get back to you and hurt you, believe me, .. I wouldn't have said those things. I feel terrible about all of that, Michael. I'm sorry angry thoughts came out of me. They're gone now and I no longer feel that way. I love you, and that's all I know. Why I go stupid on you is beyond me. It's like going temporarily blind and I can't see what I'm doing before it's too late! I'm sorry for all hurt I've caused you.
I am going to leave for the afternoon and either go see a movie or hang out at Barnes & Noble to book browse, and then treat myself to a nice dinner. I told Ricardo I would spend the day w/ him but he hasn't called yet and I'm not waiting around as he isn't real reliable so I don't want to wait any longer. I'm glad you wrote me again and that we are still talking. My birthday wish is for your forgiveness. That would make me happy and be the best birthday present ever. No pressure .... :) Babe, .. I 'll write you again this evening if you wish. All my love, .. Barbara
I l already told you that you are not a cunt and that was 100% wrong for me to (almost) say...I never spelled out the word as I knew I would take it back. But alas...I conveyed it. I am ashamed.
Sorry that my honesty, as it was displayed in my recent message here, appalls you...but you did--and have continue to do--many terrible things and placid betrayals...I only find out about things second hand...never by your own admission. So one wonders what else you have done and said behind my back. I shutter to think! You are not the only one with feelings and the only one experiencing emotional turmoil ya know.
You struck me down when I was in extreme emotional pain, Michael. I was hoping you could lend me a comforting word. I wished for too much. Baby died shortly after I posted to you last, .. which was on Friday. Jamie and I dug her grave together and laid her to rest on Saturday in my back yard next to two other deceased pup kids from years past. A little Sheltie Jamie named ' Lassie ' and ' Maya ' an Australian Shepherd who died in 2007. My pets are like my children and I miss them like hell. Baby had the sweetest little face on her and not a mean or aggressive bone in her body. I am still crying everyday over her . It's going to take time ... At least I am still very blessed to have Bo, Keira, and Red in my life. Jamie is highly intuitive and he told me right before we dug her grave that he had a very bad feeling come over him when he was petting her about a month ago that we would be losing her very soon. He told me that he told her out loud, " Baby, .. if you're going to leave us, wait till I'm here with you. " Jamie recently scored a great job position w/ T-Mobile and had to go to work that Friday morning, but he said goodbye to her and even as sick as she was, she managed to wag her tail as he pet her. Yes, you were right when you said Baby was the one that was having a terrible day. Her last day of life ...
I am still reeling from all this and my emotions are quite raw. I'm searching for strength and 'the light' to pull me through this. Please don't talk about your demise, that thought is too much for me to handle right now. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish of me. I very much felt the hate and anger you feel for me in your last posts and it left me speechless. I want to fix things and get those feelings to leave you. I've been trying to no avail, and everything I say that I feel is benign, you take the wrong way. I wasn't trying to be bitchy or pissy when I said I have insufficient data as to why Dan was into the fetish he is. It wasn't meant to contradict you, okay? I wish I could just hug you really hard until I can squish that hate and anger out of you that you feel for me. When you said before that you don't like me, well that hurt worse than when you called me a cunt because I knew you didn't really think I was one of those, but I do believe you when you say you don't like me anymore. Ouch. I am not only emotionally drained at the moment, but mentally I feel drained as well. Whatever fighting you want to do with me, just please give me another day or two to recover to take on the issues you have with me, okay? Besides, today is my birthday and I'm trying to be happy I'm turning another year older. Ugh !
I had a lunch date with a local guy named Jim yesterday. He told me without my prodding that he is absolutely shocked with how young I look. I can give you his phone number to confirm if you don't believe me. He told me he would have guessed my age between 39 and 42. Jamie told me the same thing a year ago. He kept hugging me saying he had to go but then would stay. He left me this:
Jan. 23 9:21 PM
matrixst..
read
goodmusi..
online!
Subject: hi again
hi, just thought i would c if u were on ok cool i guess i had the right number. took a shower checking on dogs ready 4 work going a bit early maybe get off a bit early i want u to know i sure enjoyed our chat, made my day to chat with such an attriv woman and u r very very attriv, sorry a bit shy but that is what an attriv woman does i think to all men. call whenever and will go have dinner and sit by that fire, sure would b nice anyway. sweetheart take care sweet dreams. i love your eyes jim
Why am I always right about you, ma dear? Can't you just once prove me wrong before I die? I DARE you!
He who remains silent is understood to consent.
And to clarify: In my long message to you when I said I found it odd that some people let dogs (especially multiple dogs) sleep in their beds I intended to convey that many pet lovers find that behavior odd too. It is true! It is very dependent behavior and not necessarily best for the dogs. I know many who find it very strange and weird. I think my wording of "many pet lovers do" may have thrown you off.
Another thing...you exchange a few e-mails with this guy who is looking for mommy (mature older woman...) willing to brutalize him and you are under the impression that (in your words) he likes you. He doesn't KNOW you! LOL! You say "Are you assuming that is why he likes me?" I saw nowhere in the messages that he liked you...he is still at the 'feeling you out' stage. How could he possibly know if he likes you or not? You need to get a grasp on reality....quickly!
Ignore the many typos. I am in a hurry and did not utilize spell check. When I am upset...I tend to type horribly.
"He said he wants a strict DISCIPLINARIAN, a woman to beat his ass black and blue and humiliate him..."
--What does this say to you Einstein?
"GOOD GOD this is a new one on me. I don't know what to think of this. Do you have any idea what drives a guy to do this?"
--Yeah, I have a good idea. I shared it with you AT YOUR REQUEST. You responded in arrogant bitch-speak to me. Lady, if you don't want a honest answer don't ask the God Damn question. Here was your childish response when I answered your direct query regarding what type of guy would want this treatment:
"maybe, maybe not. I am not going to judge him. Insufficient data."
--Let us not reply by ignoring the obvious here: there is not 'insufficient data'...he gave you plenty of 'data' in plain speaking terms: "black and black, humiliate, strict disciplinarian..." Hello? How else does an intelligent person misjudge this request by him? Are you deluding yourself again? I am sorry you don't like my candid response or your ploys to get me involved in a conversation are not working. It does not turned me on to be brutally slapped on the ass...nor do I get aroused by inflicting or receiving physical pain. So your comment to me in your attempts to entice me... "I told him I would discipline him, but I don't know if I should show you that, you might like it!" Again...no, does nothing for me. Sorry that you get bitchy as your attempts at trying to bring me back in your good graces by trapping me into dialogue fail again. you get so pissy when I don't answer you int he exact way you want. Tough crap. Deal.
As for your pet dog "kid pup"?). You said "this is a terrible day for me..." Well, I think it is (was) a terrible day for HER. The focus of the suffering needs to be on the animal. And instead of utilizing heroic measures to make yourself feel better, it is best to alleviate the animal's suffering...that is the HUMANE (notice the word "human" is contained in "humane") way to approach this. Animal pets are not here to make you feel better and make you feel loved...they are here for us (humanity) to care for them. Everything dies and if you cannot handle that you are better not to add to your pet collection. I am not assuming you fall into the category of trying to heroically extend the life of a dying pet, instead of allowing it to be put down with dignity....I am just giving you my honest feedback. This is about her (your dog) not you. I hope her suffering has been alleviated and/or silenced and I am sure her presence will be missed. Be happy in that you were able to add something better to her life. Life is not a paragraph and death is no parenthesis.
You told bald faced lie to John. I read where you told him I hated animals. Ha ha...not true. I do not eat fois gras...I am against the wearing of animal fur. I deplore the 'sport' of hunting and I am sickened by animal cruelty and abuse. I do not necessarily enjoy having pets int he house due tot he mess, fur and upkeep. I don't need them around to make me feel better about myself. J's dog was a pain int he ass. Since she has loved with me, she is better trained and even J thinks she is happier. She smells and I am sensitive to odor. I find it odd (VERY ODD) when people have their dogs sleep in their beds...MANY dog lovers do! That was one of the many falsehoods you told of me. You are not the arbiter of who is and is not an animal lover. Animals do not having he same comprehension as humans (don't be fool enough to argue that point with a biologist) and therefore need our assistance to die. You say "It's a terrible day for me...I'm devastated...I can't quit crying...I am going to lose her.." I say it is normal to feel sad...but shift the focus off of yourself. I know I'll here hell for this or get ignored...which is fine. Truth hurts.
I don't know what your fucking problem is...but cut the shit lady. I DON'T DO BITCHY. Remember? I don't know what type of head games you want to partake in...but I ain't playing. I will comment on your pet's health issue after this. Remember, you fucked me over again just days with your deceptions...so you are damn lucky I am even giving you NEGATIVE attention, because clearly you do not deserve even that! I am still waiting for you to abandon your lies and your self interest and confess...but you aren't made that way. You will hold out, claim innocence and keep defending your shitty actions, per usual. Self preservation and deceit seem to operate in tandem with you. You should consider me a GIFT in your life for not abandoning you like the rest of the human population does! But I am getting close to doing just that. Now that I have gotten that off my chest and have calmed some, let me comment on your latest post. ::deep breath::
Ugh! It's not working...I am too pissed to calmly comment to you now. I'll be back later.....
Are you assuming that is why he likes it? He was abused? Well, maybe and maybe not. I am not going to judge him yet. Insufficient data. One of my pup kids is dying Michael. This is a terrible day for me. It's my brindle 9 yr. old pit, .. Baby. She was fine up till mid-morning yesterday. Then she threw up all her food and has thrown up several more times. It appears to be organ failure. She is going downhill quickly. I'm devastated and I can't quit crying. I'm going to lose her ....
No, probably wouldn't like to hear about it. Yaaaaawn. Don't really care...spanking for punishment never turned me on...must have something to do with the fact that I was never abused, do not suffer from deep seated self-loathing and am mentally healthy...whatever..
I told him how I would discipline him, but I don't know that I should show you that. You might like it! ;)
I wrote him this a little while ago:
Hi Dan, .. The feeling is mutual. I would love to meet you too when the timing is right. Have you ever been to New Mexico? I LOVE it here. The weather is mild and the desert and mountain scenery is beautiful ! I am only 45 minutes away from Santa Fe. Albuquerque is a laid back easy going city where casual but progressive is what you will find. We have everything! Great shops and cuisine. Both Santa Fe and Alb. have an Old Town section where settlers and history began centuries ago and now there are art galleries, restaurants, and other shops you can check out down cobblestone lanes. There is a mystique and beauty here that gets into your soul, and the sunsets against Sandia Mountain are so beautiful as it turns the entire mountain into brilliant pinks and purples. There are nearby lakes and I would love to take you for a cruise through the Jemez mountains and up the backside of Sandia Mountain. On top you can see forever. We can also take a tram ride up and have dinner at an elegant restaurant called High Finance. My favorite restaurant in the whole city because it is so romantic with a great ambiance and a big deck that looks down on the city lights at night. Have I enticed you to come see me yet? LOL Someday I hope ...
Are you a homebody, or do you like getting out and about? I am both, really. LOVE my home! But I get cabin fever and like to do fun things, even if it is just cruising through the mountains and sitting by a lake or stream and listening to nature. Tell me please, what is your very favorite thing to do? Outside of the bedroom that is ....
I want to know everything about you. Are you retired because you can afford it, or did you receive an injury that prevents you from working? What kind of work did you used to do? Any hobbies?
Barb
Jan. 19 10:11 AM
If you thought Andrew was handsome, you would think this guy is too. He is totally different than Tony, starting with being 6' tall and Nordic looking. Very much so, and ruggedly handsome with a slight Bohemian look to him since he wears his beautiful white/blonde hair a little longer than clean cut short. He stopped me dead in my tracks when I saw his picture and he has beautiful blue eyes and broad shoulders. I wish I could show you his picture. His name is Dan. Here are his last three posts to me:
Jan. 19 10:11 AM
To: matrixst..
Good morning Barb, I hope you are having a great day!! I would really love to meet you, and see if we click. I am very easy to please. Discipline me daily and I am a happy man that would do all in my power to keep you happy, laughing and full of life.
Jan. 19 9:27 AM
To: matrixst..
WOW!! You amaze me!! I want a woman that will do all you said, but I am looking for long term relationship with someone I can laugh and enjoy life with.
To: matrixst..
Yes retired. Do a little of this and that. So let me ask how would you punish me? I think we may have a connection.
Jan. 18 4:20 PM
as "drop dead GORGEOUS" as Tony? LOL!
Ohhhhh wow! I have just met a drop dead GORGEOUS very masculine looking 41 yr. old guy from Belleville, NJ that looks quite a bit like a young Michael McDonald from the Doobie Bros.! He has the same whitish blonde hair down to just below his shoulders but styled nicely and has light blue eyes. He seems really nice and ironically we contacted each other at the exact same time! That is quite uncanny. I had just written him a message and sent it only to have one already waiting for me from him. Now, here's the kicker and I need your knowledge and advice Michael because I have never come across this before. He is looking for a " strict " woman! LOL I did inquire. He told me he wants a "strict disciplinarian! " I asked him if he wants a dominatrix. He told me he wants a woman to beat his ass black and blue and to humiliate him! GOOD GOD! This is a new one on me! I don't know what to think of this. Do you have any clue as to what drives a guy to like this? I told him I like role playing and having fun in the bedroom and I would have no problem telling him what a naughty boy he has been and spanking him. God, .. I don't know if I have it in me to actually hurt him! What the hell is this all about? Do you have any idea? Do you think this has anything to do with his relationship with his mother? I'm used to being the passive one in the bedroom and I like being nicely dominated. I would really have to turn into the little actress to please this dude! HELP! I need your advice ..... Have you ever met a guy like this?
I wasn't trying to mock you, and I hear what you are saying. I just want you to see the good in me instead of always focusing on the bad things that have happened. I've heard it said that the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Don't I know that one! I've been to hell and back by my own mistakes, .. but I've learned from them, Michael. I'm not hopeless ... Don't give up on me.
Maybe you ought to read and listen to the "script" (as you put it) and tuck it away in the archives of the mind...you'll hear it a lot in this life, I am afraid. Your arrogance and denial prevent you from thinking that anyone other than you has a clue to who you really are. You have less of a clue than other people into the person you portray. To your credit, your wish and desire IS to be a good person...I get that...but you need to work harder toward that goal, baby steps don't cut it--especially when it is one step forward, two back. You have not yet achieved becoming the person you wish to be. Listen to my so-called "script" again and instead of mocking me...learn from it. : /
I understand your reluctance not to open up to me anymore. I failed you 'unintentionally' Michael. I was never out to harm you and to hurt you. It always came down to saying too much and to the wrong people. Now, I talk to no one about you. Especially after my hard learned lesson with Jon. I fucked up bad and I know that. You were the last person I wanted to hurt and I live with that every day. I'm sorry I let you down. I know you are surrounded by good people that make you happy and that love you to death, For that, I am immensely happy for you.
You paint me as the most horrible, despicable person on the planet. Casey Anthony is an angel compared to horrible me. I've always tried to be there for you, defend you ( which cost me dearly that one time ) and I helped to get you through the lonely period. I keep trying to right my wrongs and show you love and support. I am not perfect and NEVER claimed to be. You cut me down so much, Michael. I know what I am made of and I am a good person despite my failings. My heart is in the right place and I just wish you would recognize that and give me a break. I am trying very hard to do right by you.
Now, for saying that, I already know what you will say so let me save you the trouble. " There you go again talking about yourself and wallowing in self pity." Right? I've learned 'the script'.
There's no supposed "catch-22" if you understand the meaning of that phrase (apparently you do not). Answering a question and constantly bragging about your purported endless attributes and how wonderful you are in everyone's eyes (LOL!) are two different things. Do you understand this simple concept now?
Why would I feel comfortable opening up to you? I no longer trust you after giving you around a dozen chances to redeem yourself. You act insidiously to counterman my trust in sleazy ways. You think 'lying' consists only of telling direct non-truths--not true!
I am very content and happy and isn't that all one really needs in this life? Nothing is perfect, nothing is guaranteed. My life is complicated and uncertain...but never unhappy.
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
The double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well Iw ant you gone
Not fit to fucking tread the ground I'm walking on
You asked me if I liked the song. But then I get criticized for telling you and talking about myself. LOL Catch 22. Are those lyrics suppose to make me feel good? Am I misreading then that you picked that song for me because you felt the words fit how you feel concerning me? Tell me if I'm wrong. Let's talk about you because that is what I want to do. When I ask you questions as to how YOU"RE feeling and what's wrong, you won't tell me. I ask about what is new with you. You ignore my questions. I really don't want to talk about myself, so lets don't. Tell me about you ... what's wrong and what are you going through?
Not sure what's so hurtful about that song. Ummmm....good, appropriate lyrics and you know how I have a huge sexual crush on Adam Levine. I really do. Sorry that you again are preoccupied with how you feel and whether something 'hurts' you.
The lyrics hurt me. Is that what you wanted ? Why are you hedging my question? You're angry with me and I don't know why. It is my desire to clear the air, fix the wrong, and make things right. I need you to tell me what's wrong and why you are upset with me. I understand my past wrongs. You need not rehash them, babe. I've given you my regrets and apologies and I've done my best to learn and grow from it. Is there something new I've done that is bothering you? Talk to me about it, .. I care.
Do you like my song? Suits you. Yes?
I didn't mean to offend you. Sorry. What haven't I come clean about?
I don't appreciate the first inflammatory and accusatory line of your post. THAT is YOUR insecurity as I never gave you reason in the past to think I would pick you apart and "tear you to shreds" --such lame self-pity. Grow up. You talk on and on about how men jerk their heads in amazement to steal a gander of you like you are Heidi Klum or Helen of Troy...and how all of these men find you so irresitably beautiful, when I never claimed you were unattractive in the first place! The only reason I may think this now is due to your resistance in the past to meet me back when that was something I wanted. Your ongoing efforts to focus on how men find you desirable to convince me of something. Crazy. I do not think JLo is attractive..I find he cheap looking. She is not unattractive...but she had surgery to soften her features. She has a very Puerto Rican look facially which I don't find very appealing in females...nothing wrong with her...it's just my taste. Angelina is fake looking. Google her name and plastic surgery before and after. Her nose was much wider, her face round...she has had copious surgery which makes her face look unnatural...her nose is too razor-thin narrow, just not 'real' or natural looking.
O fo course I am still mad at you because you do not "come clean' and choose to be dishonest.I hate that.
Okay. If your motive isn't to pick me apart and tear me to shreds, then I'll do it. I remember you saying that you don't think Angelina Jolie or J-Lo are that pretty, whereas I think they are both the epitome of beauty, so that has me nervous whether you will think me attractive. Okay I said it, .. I'm insecure! A few months back I made copies of a couple of photos to send to Tony and I have extras. If you have an address I can send them to, I can get them in the mail either today or tomorrow. Do you have any photos you can send that way too? If you want to do it over the internet, then I need to pull out my manual and figure out how to use this camera. It has never been a priority so I haven't bothered. I have discovered it best not to even put a picture on my profile because it helps to weed out the very shallow guys. Remember that rude architect from Buffalo, NY ? Ironically, it seems the guys that are most hung up on looks are the homeliest guys of the lot! haha No kidding! I find that funny. You have to also promise me my picture won't end up on a dart board or in a men's bathroom with a note that says, ' For a good time call xxx-xxx-xxxx! ' You will also promise me you won't give me devil horns w/ a forked tail and a pitchfork! No mustaches and warts either, ... no matter how angry I make you. Okay? *-*
I would love any pictures you want to send. Do you have one with your baby? I would really love that. I still wish you would have sent the one you talked about where you fell asleep nude on your bed with the laptop on you! haha I am thinking that is when I mentioned to you that I would gladly send you a picture of me if you would send me pics of you. Let me know if you need my address or email. You will also have to call me to get me your email or an address unless you trust putting it on here.
Does this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?
But you have me wrong...I don't care whether or not you are beautiful...but YOU care. You go out of your way, unprompted, to convince me of your worthiness based on your physical appearance. You keep trying to convince me when I never asked about your physical appearance. I KNEW you would find a way to weasel out of a picture and summarily blame me. Well, now I'm asking. I've never asked before. Will you send me a recent picture or two of you over the internet (I can help you do it if computer ignorance is your defense...or any other excuse). If not, we can V-Chat or internet chat IRL. What do you say? You confessed that you offered to send me pictures in the past...I don't recall it, but I believe you. So since you offered then it would be odd and very unlikely you'd retract now. Don't ignore this message or stop replying all together to get out of it. I know you. please don't give me another 'blame game' or otherwise lame excuse. Saying that I have you "between a rock and a hard place" in untrue, as you are aware...unless you are a very superficial person. You should not be ashamed to let me know what you look like. While you have attempted to set my expectations high...they are not. You say you are not, I believe that. Now don't blame me as your excuse for NOT sending me a picture like you blamed me all of those times that you would not visit or allow me to visit. That is unkind. Be honest. Honesty IS always the best policy.
Ummmm, no. I've been gone all day. Got invited to a b-day party out of town. Looks like you have me between a rock and a hard place and I will lose anyway I go. I could be the most beautiful girl ever born ( I'm not ) and with your hateful mindset I will be torn to shreds and picked apart no matter how I look. You're just biting at the bit waiting to do that. And if I don't, I will get " Told you so! " I lose either way so what does it matter? Your aim is to hurt me as bad as possible. No matter how nice I try to be to you, no matter how many times I say I'm sorry for ever hurting you and voicing my regrets, .. I get back more hate and more hurt. You accuse me of things that are not accurate. I am not unemployed. We haven't exactly been keeping up with the latest on each other have we! I told you before I was doing some data entry for a doctor from my home. Still am, but he also has me working in his office when needed doing filing and miscellaneous. I also started my own business making jewelry and making shaman statuary. I make the clay faces and heads, mount them to a nice piece of wood already set in place on a base, and then cover the wood with fabric, leather, feathers, beading, and I add a clay hand that is either holding a spear, or holding quartz crystals or some other object in their hand. I have an artist friend in Santa Fe that is showing my jewelry and art in his gallery and a couple of pieces have already sold. The cabin/shop in my backyard is now my studio. It's awesome with a big six foot skylight and two big picture windows that lookout at my ponds and waterfall. You can see it from an overhead view on Google maps if you remember my address. I have a tv and stereo out there to listen to. I know a taxidermist in Bosque Farms that gives me for free scraps of leather, feathers, bones, antlers and things I can put my imagination to good use in using. I have some other ideas I might try as well. I am really hoping this takes off because I enjoy working from my home and making my own hours.
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
The double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well Iw ant you gone
Not fit to fucking tread the ground I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love...
What you're doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love...
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
that it's me who has all the control
Does it thrill
does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you WISH that you had me to hold?
Just as I thought...once I call your bluff about your willingness to send me a photo, you disappear for this board. I know you read my message and I KNEW you would find a way not to respond...lest you have to send a picture. See...I.KNOW.YOU. Be happy someone does...be happy someone sees the 'warty' parts of you that you try to keep hidden. I never pushed you for a photo as it was clear to me that you never wanted to show me one. that is a fact. Besides...I try to look beyond physical appearance...however, I decided then that meeting in person was better than exchanging photos...phone calls and stupid cowardly long distance crap...since I had some stalker issues in my past with other ppl. Anyway, now you tell me you "offered at least twice" to send me photos! AND I DON'T REMBER THAT! Nor can I find that statement on any of the old correspondance we had. So...I am taking you up on your offer! ...I am happy to send you some recent photos of me (as many as you like) since you already know my name and my specs. I expect you to send me yours in return, and simultaneously ...okay? Prove me wrong. I knew you would love the chance to do that since you never yet to achieve that goal. Here's your chance, Gisele Bundchen. Here is your cue to either change the subject or ignore me...bet I'm right! And you can blame me for the reason you won;t send me your pics or VChat...it wont be your fear of sending me physical proof of your beauty and highly desirable image. C'mon baby! you talked about how ugly Megan was...prove you're the superior beauty!Let's chat on line...I can tutor you on how to do it. And if your computer was purchased within the last 2 years...it surely has a built-in web cam. How are you going to weasel out of this one?? LOL!!
"Sour grapes? " Oh, please humor me...explain that one. I'm all ears! LOL! Do you think iI yearn for you? I am not lonely and depressed anymore and haven't been for sometime. Baby...at this point, I wouldn't give you the honor of blowing me, never mind having to endure fucking you. So..."sour grapes"...does that make you feel better? Allow you to hold on to your meticulously created persona? "Sour grapes?" Why?...because I am NOT with an average- intellect (at best) 50-something year old women who is unemployed, unambitious and hardly educated... and hasn't had real sex in 6 years? "Sour grapes" because I am with a beautiful, sincere, intelligent, talented, woman who loves me more than anyone ever has and wants to bear more of my children? "Sour grapes" because my x lover is owner of 2 fortune 500 companies and is a multi-multi-mutli millionaire, very intelligent, powerful and physically gorgeous and would marry me at he drop of a hat? Yeah...he told me that. You make a fool of yourself with your 'delusions of grandeur'...you say things like "sour grapes" to me when you KNOW I can do much better than you but you won't admit it to me or even to yourself. God you are insecure. Such a drab downer of a frau (the word rezzy uses to define you! LOL!). And certainly she isn't jealous of you or "in love" with me as you claim everyone who says anything negative about you is... Nobody with any class would say "sour grapes" to someone like me when referring to themselves (and being the likes of you!)...it is 'unclassy', trashy and egotistical-- and there you have it! Yup...Ellery was right "rough around the edges"...lack of breeding is quite evident.
Tony? Hmmmm...always thought it was funny that once he met you he suddenly and coincidentally lost his sex drive with his pseudo-story of his shingles, increased symptoms and complete and total non-existant sex drive. Coincidence? Ummmm...doubtful. You would be very naive to think it is anything else. Sorry you couldn't properly arouse him (this is your cue to tell em some fake stories now of how he is back to being attracted to you and horny again, LOL!)
How long ago were you the supposed Max Factor spokesperson? What year? How old were you? Matters not at this point unless it was recently, right? I am not at all ashamed of my physical appearance or of my body. I think you would find me quite attractive...especially since you thought Tony was gorgeous (What an exaggeration that was...).But just admit that you were worried about me seeing you. I am not saying you are unattractive...but I know you had concerns. I NEVER recall you saying you would send me a picture of you--but I am game! PLEASE do! Let's exchange now! Put your money where your mouth is...Send me a pic..a few recent ones, or even just 2...I'll send you 10 of me. Go ahead...I'll call your bluff. I don't lie. This is your cure to make up excuses that you are a computer-retard and can't send pics. Well, I'll walk you through the process if you give me your computer make and model. It is quite easy. Better yet...let's V-Chat...you can see my face front and center IRT...and I'll see yours, you can stand and show off your model's body and you can see my bod too! Yes? I absolutely will do this. Prove me wrong. Prove your vast beauty! Prove you are not embellishing! I am 100% ready to do this. What does the male model think of your pictures? Hmmm?..bet you were afraid to send some--bet he'll never get any! Bet your profile on your date site has no picture still and never will. Oh, let me guess...you don't know how to load a picture on the site, or....have a camera on your computer or have the ability to take a picture. LOL! Am I right? Ha ha ha!
You know its your fault you never saw me...but I am happy that you were afraid to meet me with your lying excuses. Lord know how you would have fucked up my life...like some desperate leech. J was right all along about you...
Negative, downer, man repellent=YOU!
I offered at least once if not twice, to send you pictures of myself in exchange for yours. Would I do that if I was homely and ugly? Would Max Factor have used me if so? Would JF Images have wanted to sign me on ? I really was willing to come see you this past September and we were making plans for that, until you went into another temper tantrum over something. Don't even remember what, and then of course Liz arrived and that was that. Sour grapes, darling! LOL
You forgot about Tony, dear heart. He has seen me, spent a whole week with me, and thinks I am beautiful and very sexy. I still have it going on and attract admiring glances and smiles. In the past, I sent you some of his remarks about that saying so. He loves and adores me. We've spent hundreds of hours on the phone together. Have you? Nope! He is much more qualified to judge me over you. To date, .. I have been nothing more than words on a page to you, .. subject to misinterpretation, your negative and always sarcastic imagination, and sour grapes attitude. You sir, can kiss my butt and * talk to the palm * !
Have a nice day! I still love you despite the negative black cloud you've got hanging over you, but I'm not after you so don't flatter yourself! Even after all the hurt and cut downs you keep hurling at me, .. I somehow find you amusing! :)
Now you're trying too hard, man repellant.
This guy doesn't know you! LOL! What... did you exchange a few e-mails? BFD! Has he seen your picture? Doubtful. Once he asks to see your picture or meet you (if it ever comes to that, and I bet it will not) ...then you'll retreat because the 'image' he as of you ...the one you created... of a gorgeous sought-after beauty...will be shattered. Right? So now... your defense against the fitting term I assigned to you--man repellent--is that this male model and some questionable very wealthy business dealer are "after" you? I don't see it. You send this model (and he sounds legit from the little you have provided) a message on some 2-bit date site and he replies a few times, thinks you seem okay has no idea about the person you purport to be V. the person you REALLY are....and to you, this is evidence he is "after" you? LOL!!!! You're joking right? You make yourself look the fool! Anyone can go on some site liek that strike up a conversation with a dude and he'll reply. Means nothing! But you keep hoping---hope springs eternal!
so tell em about all of the men IRL who are after you.The ones hwo have seen you, met you and sort of know you. Not on line dudes with whom you've exchanged a few e-mails...real men. Hmmm?
WHERE are they? Oh, oh...I know...you COULD be with them if you wanted...you just don't want to...right? And if you wanted to get laid you could...you just choose not to...right? Suuuuuuuure....LOL! sounds very defensive. It kills you that I know you and see through you...doesn't it? Such BS! You are so very transparent. It gets a little mundane and boring. You are hardly the challenge.
Man repellent, huh! LOL You sure like trying to hurt me with that one. Then why do men enjoy talking with me for hours at a time on the phone? Why do I currently have four guys vying for my attention, including a very wealthy guy, a professional well known male model, and two other local guys? I suppose you will resort to your other usual insult and call me a liar, but I have already shown you proof about the rich guy, and now I can prove to you I also have a VERY good looking male model that wants to know me. Man repellent? Now that is funny! haha
Hi Barbara, I returned from Seattle today and my background shoot went good. I'm not a full time model anymore. I gave it up about 4 years ago when work was slow. Now things are picking up for me again. I worked in LA and in New York too and modeled for Calvin Klein and Burberry in 1997-2001. I modeled with Ford Agency and then with IMG which does mostly women now. IMG is the best and biggest name out there now in modeling. I do sports and athletic modeling. I was featured in 2 full length car commercials in the late 90s on national networks and one aired during the super bowl. One for Fiat and one for Ford. It's a short lived career and I never did major runway. I'm also a scout for modeling in Beverly Hills LA area. I still get my own gigs and they pay me some good cash. I'm getting old for the clothing stuff but I still have a good niche and there is a market for my type. It won't make me rich and I'm not a full time super model or anything like that, but it's good to have as back up for when my other work is slow.
You like to hear naughty talk? Is this rich gold and diamond trader bi like me? Are you coming to visit me for a three way? It's fun getting cozy in bed with another guy and a girl together. I've done it a few times and it drives me wild! I think you would like that naughty Barbie. I like girls who aren't afraid to let go in bed. I like sexy ladies with nice heavy bosoms and long legs who love to be rubbed down and fondled. Does that describe you, naughty mistress? Am I too naughty for you yet? For the record, I'm hung nicely. I like pretty in the face girls who know how to really handle a man like me if you KWIM. I like blondes but some oriental girls too and hair color isn't the only thing. For guys I like tall Hispanic, Italian or Japanese men who are well hung. I like making other men feel good and getting them off. Did I scare you by being too naughty too soon? I leave again Saturday for a job in San Francisco scouting for an agency, and then a small catalog job for a sunless tan product. My life is busy but not so busy that I don't have time for lots of loving!
Jan. 12 6:32 PM
Why are you so angry with me? What did I do now? Surely this must be about more than just giving a 'LIKE' to someone because I happen to like Idol better than The Voice and was in agreement with her. AND >>>I climax every single day at least once so it is not like I don't have any sex, thank you very much! And may I say the sex with myself is outstanding! I could have a guy tonight if I wanted to, but without feelings attached it wouldn't be fulfilling. That's just the way it works with me.
What would it hurt you to be a little nicer ? I'm not your enemy, Michael, .. so don't treat me as one. Quit pretending you know me so well because you don't. That is obvious by your perception and what you think I am all about. You are not in my head and you don't know what I think and feel unless I tell you. Even then, you usually manage to read me wrong and take it differently than how I meant it. If you would just realize I am positive, always happy .. I joke, and I mean to be helpful, .. then there wouldn't be near the amount of fights we go through. It is my desire to get along with you, so why do you want to keep fighting with me?
Blah... blah... blah ...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...more self-piteous psycho-babble! Try to have an intelligent well-reasoned rebuttal free of cliche and platitudes for a change. You're a pain in the ass and you are man repellent. I don't think women ask for physical abuse...I don't think anyone ASKS to be physically abused or DESERVES to be physically abused...but I can see where you could drive a sane person nuts! REALLY! You are not the person you pretend to be or the person...the alternate life...you have meticulously created in your mind ...and you will never convince me otherwise. You have PROVEN to be quite the opposite! GO-GET-LAID. You need to be fucked by some dude! You are chock full of deep seated hostility and frustration! Meet a dude...take him home...and let him have his way with you. ANYONE! YOU FUCKING NEED IT BADLY!!! Use him for sex...doesn't matter as long as he has a dick! Good luck to the poor pathetic creature if you are expecting anything more after sex!
You take things I say so wrong all the time because you think in a negative and sarcastic way. Why do you have to be so mean? I'm not trying to act like your mother. I'm being positive, pure and simple. I'm trying to make peace with you, damn it. You tried to humiliate me, so I called it like it was. You were being an ass! You asked me not to talk about personal things on his headlines and then you go and do it! I suggest that if you want to bitch me out, that you do it here so we both don't end up looking like damn fools. Don't damage me and I won't damage you! I was leaving you alone and not replying to you and your comments, but then you have to talk to me in reply. What's up with that Mr. Cranky Pants? Who's stalking who? I don't even know what you are talking about in regards to lying and blaming you. About what? Why are you being so difficult and what the hell has set you off? You were just beginning to be nice again. What happened?
What do you get out of belittling me all the time? Does that REALLY make you feel good about yourself? To be so unkind and heartless ... To say I deserved getting hit, kicked, almost strangled to death, picked up and thrown across the room, and a whole host of other bad things. All because I was compassionate and wanted to help those losers! Yeah, I was naive and a guppy for a sad story. So crucify me for it. What does that say about you? Abusers always say things like, " She Deserved It! " " She had it coming to her. " " She made me do it, .. it's her fault! " I am soft spoken and more on the quiet side than loud Michael. I am passive and easy going despite whatever impression you have of me. Just because I have enough self esteem not to lay down and let someone like you abuse me verbally without fighting back does not make me a bitch. I know without any doubt that if you met me, you would not treat me this way. I am a very kind and mellow peace loving person, Michael. It is just plain stupid the way we fight with each other. So unnecessary ..... And I don't care how mean and awful you want to get, .. you can't change my loving nature. It is ingrained deeply in me so go ahead and throw your hate on me if that makes you feel good. I won't return that to you, .. I can't. I know you have a good side to you besides this jackass side and that is what I focus on, not the negative shit. I've hurt you bad, I know that. Every time was unintentional Michael and I feel very bad for each time it happened. You on the other hand TRY to hurt me. Well go ahead and keep twisting the knife until you feel you have sufficiently hurt me enough. And then what? You'll feel better?
I wish sometimes I could get sufficiently mad at you enough to start hating you, but it just isn't there and it isn't going to happen. It's not in me, though I guarantee that if we had angry sex, we'd probably maim and nearly kill each other!