The Winner of the 2015 Nobel Prize for Literature will be...
Kevin McCarthy's masterful, postmodern take on the absence of meaning in contemporary speech
Bei Dao
The person who is secretly replacing Jeb! Bush's well thought out notes with the racist, insensitive gibberish he accidentally spouts.
Haruki Murakami
Thomas Pynchon
Brian Williams
Ursula K. LeGuin
Philip Roth
Dick Cheney, for his meta-critique of imperialism and modern conflict
Adonis
Donald Trump's tweets
Bill O'Reilly to win for his work on such fictions as "Killing Jesus," his television show and everything he says. He will accept his award on behalf of Ronald Reagan, but keep the prize money.
Anne Carson
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