My good friend has been with her boyfriend for seven years. He's a super nice guy (one of the nicest guys I've ever met), great job, attractive, man of color. He will never marry her. They're even engaged. He put the ring on her finger so she would stick around. He has no plans of marrying her. She is cute, adorable, smart, funny, loyal to a fault and she loves him like no tomorrow. She holds out hope that somehow this man who has never been married in his life will somehow miraculously succumb to what she brings to the relationship. Everyone...his friends, her friends, his kids, his family, her family, her coworkers, his coworkers...they all know he will never marry her or anyone else for that matter. This August will be eight years. She's wasted all of her prime 40s on this man. Damn girl's gonna wake up in two years, she's gonna be 50 and will have lost a decade on this super nice guy albeit one who will never marry her. So obviously my vote is NO up there even though it won't let me actually vote. So add one NO vote to the count.
Andrea - 7 years ago
Sandra in Naples had it partly right. I want to edit her comment to 'I say we make a voodoo doll of Ned'.
Janie - 7 years ago
Try one more time and if he starts acting up, dump his ass!
Sapphire Anastasia - 7 years ago
I would have chosen maybe if there was one. Maybe if he could give you the level of commitment you need OR if you could be 100% happy with what level he can do. Also if he NEVER EVER EVER mentions his opinion on you weight/appearance EVER AGAIN because just no and we will all come down there and cut him.
The Chief - 7 years ago
If, when you think about how things realistically are between the two of you when you date, you feel like you can make peace with that and be content with it, then yes. Otherwise no way. How you are together is how you are together and is unlikely to change significantly. So the question is whether you can feel good about how you are together. Nothing that you have shared suggests the answer to that is yes.
PSS aka Soul Sister - 7 years ago
I had a Ned. His name is Eric. We share a daughter. I broke up with him after 10 years of on again/off again mania. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after we broke up, but even THAT wasn't enough to make me go back. Once I got the strength to leave for good, I was done. We are good friends to this day. Confidantes. But, we are not lovers. He forfeited that part of me. But, I will always love him, from a distance. We didn't break up because we lacked love for each other. We broke up because he was NEVER going to give me what I wanted: a stable commitment.
Let Ned be your Eric. Keep the friendship...it has great value. But, he forfeited the rest of you by treating you so poorly and not giving you what you want. Close your heart to him, for your own peace of mind.
P. S. I know...THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS. Close it any way.
Nithya - 7 years ago
I have never said what I've thought (apart from passive aggressively liking everything Fay has said on the subject) but now that you've asked: no. A strong no. A no so strong that I will need to emphasis my point with emoji if it gets to 30% yes on there.
Sandra in Naples - 7 years ago
I say we just make a movie about the two of you.
Linda from Jamestown - 7 years ago
I really hoped "Aw, hell NO!" was going to be one of the choices.
Joan in NV - 7 years ago
He makes you crazy, but good friends are hard to find. Friends with benefits?
Also, pleased I can post HERE, though your blo-website is a twat waffle and won't let me comment THERE.
llbrat - 7 years ago
Some of things you've shared and not shared lead me to suspect that there were times that were worse than we know. The people who know you in real life are in a better position to advise.
Michael M - 7 years ago
The definition of insanity.
Girl with Glasses - 7 years ago
Can there be a third option? Stay friends but don't date! Because I think you two are fabulous friends, but not so fabulous as a couple. That may be an unrealistic option, but it would be nice if it could work.
Beth in W-S - 7 years ago
My "yes" vote comes with two huge caveats.
1. You have to start trusting him not to cheat on you.
2. He has to be willing to marry you.
There's nothing wrong with having two strong personalities in a relationship. But my totally non-professional assessment of you two is that you are both very strong personalities who need structure and boundaries in your lives. A lot of creative people can't create without clean desks and strict deadlines. I don't think you two can have a good relationship without the structure of very traditional commitment as bizarre as that may seem in 2017 when not being married is a perfectly legitimate choice.
I voted "yes" because you both clearly have something there, and I'm a believer in following that "something" feeling if and whenever you're able. But you have to continue to insist on your terms of what's acceptable and not acceptable, hard as I know that is. Wish I could follow my own advice.....
Shana - 7 years ago
Why isn't there a "fuckity fuck no" option? Because holy-fuck-amole, no.
Hot in AZ - 7 years ago
for the love of god, and yourself, NO!
Terri from Texas - 7 years ago
Move on to someone who loves life as much as you do!
Terri from Texas - 7 years ago
Move on to someone who loves life as much as you do!
Bette Blondin - 7 years ago
Quit playing his game. Yes, he is there for you when you need him... so keep him for a friend. For some reason he won't commit... You need more... no more heartache.
It is better to be alone then to be a yo yo! love you
Fay - 7 years ago
No, dude. No. Five years is enough trying.
Mary Ellen from Napa - 7 years ago
I had a Ned in my life. I could only see him if I treated it as a friendship with no nookie. I finally moved on when I realized that part of what pulled me in was all the drama from our early days. I only voted yes because there was no "maybe" option. Sorry, guess this is not helpful....
My good friend has been with her boyfriend for seven years. He's a super nice guy (one of the nicest guys I've ever met), great job, attractive, man of color. He will never marry her. They're even engaged. He put the ring on her finger so she would stick around. He has no plans of marrying her. She is cute, adorable, smart, funny, loyal to a fault and she loves him like no tomorrow. She holds out hope that somehow this man who has never been married in his life will somehow miraculously succumb to what she brings to the relationship. Everyone...his friends, her friends, his kids, his family, her family, her coworkers, his coworkers...they all know he will never marry her or anyone else for that matter. This August will be eight years. She's wasted all of her prime 40s on this man. Damn girl's gonna wake up in two years, she's gonna be 50 and will have lost a decade on this super nice guy albeit one who will never marry her. So obviously my vote is NO up there even though it won't let me actually vote. So add one NO vote to the count.
Sandra in Naples had it partly right. I want to edit her comment to 'I say we make a voodoo doll of Ned'.
Try one more time and if he starts acting up, dump his ass!
I would have chosen maybe if there was one. Maybe if he could give you the level of commitment you need OR if you could be 100% happy with what level he can do. Also if he NEVER EVER EVER mentions his opinion on you weight/appearance EVER AGAIN because just no and we will all come down there and cut him.
If, when you think about how things realistically are between the two of you when you date, you feel like you can make peace with that and be content with it, then yes. Otherwise no way. How you are together is how you are together and is unlikely to change significantly. So the question is whether you can feel good about how you are together. Nothing that you have shared suggests the answer to that is yes.
I had a Ned. His name is Eric. We share a daughter. I broke up with him after 10 years of on again/off again mania. Found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after we broke up, but even THAT wasn't enough to make me go back. Once I got the strength to leave for good, I was done. We are good friends to this day. Confidantes. But, we are not lovers. He forfeited that part of me. But, I will always love him, from a distance. We didn't break up because we lacked love for each other. We broke up because he was NEVER going to give me what I wanted: a stable commitment.
Let Ned be your Eric. Keep the friendship...it has great value. But, he forfeited the rest of you by treating you so poorly and not giving you what you want. Close your heart to him, for your own peace of mind.
P. S. I know...THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS. Close it any way.
I have never said what I've thought (apart from passive aggressively liking everything Fay has said on the subject) but now that you've asked: no. A strong no. A no so strong that I will need to emphasis my point with emoji if it gets to 30% yes on there.
I say we just make a movie about the two of you.
I really hoped "Aw, hell NO!" was going to be one of the choices.
He makes you crazy, but good friends are hard to find. Friends with benefits?
Also, pleased I can post HERE, though your blo-website is a twat waffle and won't let me comment THERE.
Some of things you've shared and not shared lead me to suspect that there were times that were worse than we know. The people who know you in real life are in a better position to advise.
The definition of insanity.
Can there be a third option? Stay friends but don't date! Because I think you two are fabulous friends, but not so fabulous as a couple. That may be an unrealistic option, but it would be nice if it could work.
My "yes" vote comes with two huge caveats.
1. You have to start trusting him not to cheat on you.
2. He has to be willing to marry you.
There's nothing wrong with having two strong personalities in a relationship. But my totally non-professional assessment of you two is that you are both very strong personalities who need structure and boundaries in your lives. A lot of creative people can't create without clean desks and strict deadlines. I don't think you two can have a good relationship without the structure of very traditional commitment as bizarre as that may seem in 2017 when not being married is a perfectly legitimate choice.
My, probably wildly unpopular, opinion. Worth exactly nothing. :-)
I voted "yes" because you both clearly have something there, and I'm a believer in following that "something" feeling if and whenever you're able. But you have to continue to insist on your terms of what's acceptable and not acceptable, hard as I know that is. Wish I could follow my own advice.....
Why isn't there a "fuckity fuck no" option? Because holy-fuck-amole, no.
for the love of god, and yourself, NO!
Move on to someone who loves life as much as you do!
Move on to someone who loves life as much as you do!
Quit playing his game. Yes, he is there for you when you need him... so keep him for a friend. For some reason he won't commit... You need more... no more heartache.
It is better to be alone then to be a yo yo! love you
No, dude. No. Five years is enough trying.
I had a Ned in my life. I could only see him if I treated it as a friendship with no nookie. I finally moved on when I realized that part of what pulled me in was all the drama from our early days. I only voted yes because there was no "maybe" option. Sorry, guess this is not helpful....