Tweet of the week poll (click on each one you like)
If two people are arguing and one person says, "You know what..." that argument is about to get awesome …. @briangaar
Boss: Come in, Jason. Sit down Me: This is about *raises visor* This is about my knight helmet isn't it? Boss: It's about your knight helmet….@longwall26
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off. ….@SwedishCanary
Call me old fashioned but I just drowned a woman for having the devil inside of her…. @HelloCullen
LIFE HACK: Tell your kid's school that he has a twin that goes to a different school. If he ever gets expelled you can enroll the "twin"….@DanMentos
I planted all the evidence for evolution once it became clear it did not serve the best interest of My reputation to take credit for you. ….@TheTweetOfGod
Doctor: “I’m afraid it’s cancer.” Patient: “Yeah, I’m gonna need to get a second opinion from Jim Carrey." …. @DamienFahey
Confederate flag fans: Once they're removed, no one will mind if you use them as crying towels. …. @SteveChapman13
71-year-old Jimmy Page is dating a 25-year-old. The age difference may seem huge now, but it won't be as big a deal when she's 28 and he's dead…..@EliBraden
Physically-speaking, I'm like a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean really young, like five or six…..@ConanOBrien
A decepticon is a just a cheeky emoticon at the end of a message intended to excuse the sender and confuse the recipient Ex: Please die ;) … @hipchkk
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